i'm going to miss him

I miss you. I won’t admit that to your face, or over text, but right now my heart feels like it’s shattering over and over again and I just want you right now.
—  An excerpt from a book I’ll never write. (#60)

no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no my heart :’((((

I’m not the same person you fell in love with, nor will I ever be that same person again. My heads gotten a tad darker, and my hearts’ gotten a tad colder, but I still know who I am. There’s a lot that’s changed about me, yes, but the way I look at you and want to grab your hand every time you’re around has never changed. My love for you has never changed darling.
—  An excerpt from a book I’ll never write. (#58)
8

Thank you Isak for a season full of lessons, love, friendship, heartbreak and acceptance. Seeing you go through your journey was one of the best experiences we could ever have  ♡

Whether you believe in Allah, or Jesus, or the theory of evolution, or parallel universes there is only one thing we know for sure… life is now.

She moved on. I never understand how she did, or how she could bring herself to, but she did. She was living her life to the fullest day by day with that amazing smile I fell for. And as I sit sipping on this glass and feeling myself slip into a dazed and foggy state of drunkenness, I seem to miss her more and more.
—  An excerpt from a book I’ll never write. (#62)
Just because we broke up doesn’t mean I’m going to regret being with you. I’m not going to regret getting hurt, or crying over you. My heart aches and my throats feels like I’m choking on my own oxygen, but that’s fine. I knew what I signed up for whenever I said yes, and because we both knew deep down it wouldn’t last. But if I could go back to the first day I ever fell in love with you, I’d go back in a heartbeat to relive every memory we ever made. You were the best god damn thing that ever happened to me.
—  An excerpt from a book I’ll never write. (#56)
I’m holding on,
Why is everything so heavy?
Holding on,
So much more than I can carry.
I keep dragging around what’s bringing me down,
If I just let go, I’d be set free.
Holding on,
Why is everything so heavy?
—  “Heavy”, Linkin Park ft Kiiara.
Rest in Peace, Chester ❤
I wonder if you ever felt like I abandoned you….  
If you ever thought I should have fought for you…

The truth of it is I never left.  
I’m still here.  
And I do fight for you - every single day.   
Not to win you…. not to trap you or cage you…  
But for your happiness.

I wage war on myself day in and day out for you.  
Tearing strips off myself, swallowing hatred and tears….  
So if you hate me because I abandoned you…. don’t worry…  
….. I hate myself for it too…
—  Ranata Suzuki
a little rant

it breaks my heart to know and realize that kenta had to perform on mcountdown knowing that he was eliminated still he delivered such an amazing performance and did his best as always, there was a photo of kenta crying after the performance and it makes me cry so much because he knows that it’s his last stage, that he won’t be able to perform on stage anymore 😭 the fact that he told mnet to give him screen time yet he got nothing and kenta kept getting cut off makes me so mad because mnet was so terrible and awful to him since the start, and now he got eliminated and we didn’t even get to see his last words?? they have always showed him crying whenever the trainees were eliminated and kenta was saying goodbye to them but with kenta getting eliminated we got nothing….NOTHING i swear mnet can choke i hate this bye

2

We’ll wait for you Wookie <3 (08.14.2017 - May 2019)