i'm going to make myself cry again

i ’ v e    g o t    a    f e e l i n g    i t ’ s    n e v e r    t o o    l a t e
i close my eyes and see myself how my dreams will come true

colored&edited official sketch (x)

My life so far:
  • Pre-Yugioh Era: what is this dumb card game show with the stupid hair. smh pokemon is better.
  • Abridged Era: sCREW THE RULES I have LEAHTR PANTS my voice gives me suPER BROOKLYN RAGE!! CARD GAMES ON MOTORCYCLES!!!
  • Yugioh Era: This show is actually very deep and has amazing characters and storylines. The Abridged Series did so much to generate interest and introduce people to the anime, but the heart of Yugioh really is in the characters and their development. But I don't actually care enough about the dueling to watch the show in full so I'm going to rewatch the same few episodes with my favorite characters, bury myself in fanfiction, and cry about Thiefshipping every night. RIP me.
  • Post-Yugioh Era: yknow I would actually love to be into something that DOESN'T have a dub that makes me want to claw my ears out or a fanbase that barely takes it seriously. maybe something nice and live action. this anime stuff is getting a little old.
  • Pre-Pre-Neo-Yugioh Era: yknow actually i was wrong, this anime stuff is my life. i'm never leaving you again, my sweet weeb trash.
  • Pre-Neo-Yugioh Era: wow i sure did like that yugioh anime, didn't i. hahaa. it sure would be funny if.....my friend roped me in again....
  • Neo-Yugioh Era (Present): IT'S TIME TO D-D-D-D-D-DROWN IN MY OWN TEARS. I'M HOME. EVERY NOTE OF KAWAITA SAKEBI BRINGS ME BACK TO YEARS OF FANDOM NOSTALGIA. I'M FINALLY WATCHING AND READING DUEL MONSTERS IN FULL. I LOVE EVERY CHARACTER SO MUCH WHY DID I EVER LEAVE YOU. I SHIP EVERYTHING AND I WILL TELL U EXACTLY WHY. THIS STORY IS AMAZING I'M STILL NOTICING INTRICACIES IN THE INTERACTIONS AND HOLY CRAP DID YOU SEE THAT PLOT TWIST?? I MEAN I'M BEEN IN THIS FANDOM FOR YEARS AND I NEVER SAW SEASON 5'S TWIST COMNIG THIS SHOW IS EVEN BETTER THAN I REMEMBER I STILL LOVE THE ABRIDGED AND I WILL QUOTE MY FAVORITE VIDEOS WITH TASTEFUL DISCRETION. I'M RESEARCHING YAMI WIGS AS I SPEAK. I AM COMMUTING TO WORK IN MY BLUE EYES WHITE DRAGON JET. I AM
Idiot

[A BJOO (Byungjoo) Scenario ft. Special Apperance by Hansol&Yano] - Requested by Anon~

[I DO NOT OWN THESE PICS]

[I’m sorry if it’s tooooooo long! I got carried away!] 

-

After finishing my assignment earlier than expected, I decided to go visit my boyfriend and his members who had a day off today. I needed to see Byungjoo and apologise about our stupid fight yesterday. He did try to call me this morning but I didn’t pick up because I was afraid that I might say something stupid and we’d argue again. So, better if I saw him in person.

Yesterday, I went over to his dorm to spend some time with him after his packed schedule. All of the members had went out for dinner except for Hansol, who wasn’t feeling too well at the time. So while Hansol rested in his room, Byungjoo and I huddled up on the couch with a blanket and enjoyed a movie together.

However, as we were sharing a few kisses and laughs, Hansol decided to wake up and get himself busy with some baking. Problem was, he didn’t know how to bake so he had nagged me for almost an hour to help him and I did, which made Byungjoo a little frustrated

And after that, we argued. About the exact same thing we argued about the time before that and the time before that. About me always getting too close to Hansol. Such stupid fights.

So, that brings me here - on my way to surprise my boyfriend at his dorm~

As I reached their door, I knocked twice and waited. Almost immediately, the door opened and there stood an overly excited Hansol. He jumped out and embraced me into a big hug before pulling me inside and shutting the door.

I looked around and noticed how deserted the place looked. 

‘Where’s everyone?’

'They went to grab some food or something,' he said as he walked towards the kitchen, 'And they didn’t even wake me up to go! I was getting lonely until you came.’

'I wouldn’t wake you up either,' I commented as I followed him, 'Too much sass.’

Upon hearing that, he immediately glared my way.

'Say that again,' he warned sassily and reached both his hands out to me, 'Go on, say it.’

I knew too well what he was going to do and I obviously wasn’t going to stand around for him to do so. 

'Ya Hansol, don’t you dare tickl- AHHHHH HANSOL!’

Before I could even finish my sentence, he was already in front of me with his hands attacking both my sides - tickling me. While yelling and laughing at the same time, I turned away and tried to escape but that plan failed when both his arms went around my waist to stop me. My back was pulled right against his chest as he continued to tickle me.

'YA-YA! K-KIM HAN… HANSOL! STOOOOOOP!’

I wanted to yell at him but with all the laughing, I just couldn’t get my mind straight. 

'What are you guys doing?’

We both immediately stopped what we were doing when we heard the familiar voice. Opening my eyes, I let my breathing calm itself before looking towards the front door. I wasn’t too surprised to find Byungjoo standing there, looking rather crossed than happy to see me.

He stood at the door with his eyes fixed on me and Hansol. It was only then that I noticed our position - Hansol’s arms wrapped around my waist and my back pressed against his chest.

Oh shit.

'You’re back,' says Hansol casually as he unwraps himself from me, 'Where are the others?’

'I forgot my phone,' replied Byungjoo as he stared at me, 'When did you come?’

'Just now.’

I was slightly uncomfortable with the way Byungjoo just stood there staring. I knew more than anyone that he was jealous right now. Just like all the other times Hansol and I joked around, he’d get all worked up about it.

'Well, now that you’re back, I’m going to go to the others,' said Hansol as he passed me, 'And you missy, better be nicer to me next time.’

And like that, he slipped on his shoes and left - leaving just me and an angry Byungjoo in an empty apartment.

He sighed loudly before heading over to the couch to sit down. I also followed and sat down beside him.

'Why didn’t you pick up my calls? Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?’

'I wanted to surprise you,' I said quietly, 'But you weren’t home when I came so-’

'So, you and Hansol decided to get close? Again.’

'Joo, don’t be ridiculous,’ I sighed at him, 'He was just tickling me. We were just joking around.’

'He doesn’t need to back hug you to tickle you,' he said - his tone increasing, 'This isn’t even the first time I’ve seen something like that!’

'We’re good friends! We joke around,' I replied with a voice beaming of irritation, 'Why are you always like this to Hansol? Do you expect me like, not to go close to him at all?’

'Why am I like that to Hansol? If you were in my position and you came home to suddenly find your boyfriend, who was supposed to be doing their assignment, at your house, back hugging your best friend - what would you think?’

Frustrated with his words, I just stood up and sighed. We argued every time about this. How can he not trust me? Hansol and I have been friends for 10 years, and thanks to him that I even got to meet Byungjoo. 

I wanted to just sort things out with him and then spend the rest of our day together, but if we were just going to argue again, then I might as well leave.

'Fine,' I said, 'I won’t ever come back here, neither will I ever go anywhere Hansol goes - alright?’

Without another word, I made my way towards the door. Tears threatened to spill as I thought about the fact that my own boyfriend didn’t even trust me. Before I could slip into my shoes, I felt a hand suddenly grip itself around my wrist - causing me to stop.

'Where are you going?’

'I came here to sort things out with you and to spend time with you, but if this is what we’re going to be doing, again, then I rather go home.’

All of a sudden, I found myself pushed up against the door with an angry Byungjoo right in my face and his hand above my head. I took a second to glance at him and noticed how different he was from the usual lively Byungjoo.

'BYUNGJOO! GET OFF ME!’

Being pinned up against the door by him, along with his strong glare made me feel as though I was like a lion’s prey, waiting to be eaten alive. I felt my legs weaken themselves as I noticed him clenching his teeth together tight, causing veins to appear on his neck. My entire body shivered as I felt his hot, heavy breath brush against my lips.

'You can joke around with him yet you can’t even say two words with me? We fought about this yesterday and here you are doing the same thing!’

His tone of voice indicated to me how angry he was and trust me, this is the angriest he has ever gotten. It actually scared me to see my boyfriend like this.

'Why?' he shouted and punched the space beside my head, 'Answer me!’

I wanted to speak but words were just not forming. A clump had formed itself in my throat, causing it hard to even breathe. By now, tears had certainly fallen from my eyes as I looked at him - not even believing what kind of situation we were in right now.

His dark expression immediately changed into one full of pain and guilt once he noticed my tears. He took one slow step backwards and moved his hand up to touch my cheeks.

'J-jagi… are you crying?’

I pushed his hand off, only to have him come straight back with both his hands on my cheeks - cupping it with his soft hands.

'I… I’m so sorry… I don’t know what got into me…’

Stepping closer, he engulfed me into a hug. Feeling somewhat angry, I began to thrash my hands at him and tried to push him off of me but that only caused him to hug me tighter against him.

'I’m sorry jagi… hit me - scream at me but please listen to me,’ he softly begged in my ear, ’It’s just… you’ve known him for so long and only known me for two years, so I’m afraid… really afraid that-’

'You’re an idiot.’

'W-what?’

'The biggest idiot I know!’

He moved his head from my shoulder to look at me with such a confused expression. 

'You’re an idiot,’ I sniffled, 'Joo, I chose you - I’m your girlfriend. He’s my best friend and nothing more so I don’t understand why you’re always so insecure about that.’

'I know he’s my hyung, but I just can’t stand having him always jumping around you - acting all cute and touchy towards you,' he whispered as his thumb made contact with my cheeks - wiping away my tears, 'He should go get his own girlfriend for that because sometimes I just want to spend some time with you after a long day, but he’s always pulling you away.’

Everything became quiet as we looked into each other’s eyes lovingly. 

'I really hate myself for making you cry. I’ll make it up to you,’ he whispered as he pulled me closer, 'I’ll do anything.’

'Anything?' I asked playfully as I wrapped my arms around his neck, 'Why don’t you kiss me…’

Kiss.

'Again oppa~’

Kiss.

'One more time, oppa~’

Kiss.

'I’m sorry-’

'Shhh~' I cooed as I placed a finger over his lips, 'Why don’t you… show me that you’re sorry…’

I felt my eyes becoming restless as his soft lips made contact with my neck. I gasped loudly as he sucked extra hard on a particular sensitive spot that only he knew about.

'Ah… Joo…’

My eyes automatically shut themselves as I felt-

'YA ARE YOU GUYS GOING TO BE DONE ANYTIME SOON?! IT’S COLD OUT HERE!' yelled Hansol on the other side of the door

'Hyung shhhhhhh!' whispered Sangwon, 'Do you really want to go in there right now!? They’re like… in the middle of something!’

'My feet are cold. My hands are cold. My beautiful face is cold. I need to watch television. NOW.’

Giggling at the sassy Hansol, I began to retrieve my arms from around Byungjoo’s neck when he held them in place.

'What are you doing?’ I asked, confused

'I still haven’t made it up to you yet.’

'We can’t! They’re outside!’

He simply shrugged his shoulders before reaching down to bring me into his arms - bridal style.  

'And what? I need to spend some precious time with my beautiful princess and no one is going to stop me. Not even sassy Hansol.

And like that, he turned around and made his way towards his bedroom with me in his arms. With a smile on my lips, I leaned upwards to attack his lips.

'YA YA!’ yelled Hansol as he banged the door, 'Just great! They’re going to his bedroom. JUST GREAT! THEY’RE NOT GOING TO COME OUT FOR AGES! Where are we going to go now?!’

'Oh come on hyung,’ sighed Sangwon, 'I’ll shout you some food.’

 -

That turned out so long! I’m sorry dear anon~ I hope it’s somewhat like you requested for though! (Manly&Jealous Bjoo/ Fight/ Happy Ending)

Written by: C ~

anonymous asked:

Hi I really look up to u and think you're a super sweet person,so I wanted to ask for a little advice(I hope I'm not bothering u!) I did a math test/exam and I go last place and I feel like trash. I've always been a top student but now I feel like I've disappointed everyone who believed in me. (I srsly wanted to break down and cry in class when I saw the results.🙁) Could u tell me some tips so I could feel a bit better about myself? Thank you again, (ps. I think you're super cute!😊)

i’ve always told people that one grade does not make or break your life. honestly, you could receive a majority of f’s throughout your education and still be pretty damn successful. it’s obvious that you’re a bright student who cares very deeply about your academic studies, which means that you probably won’t let yourself fall short. you can’t always be perfect and you can’t always be at the top of your class… truth is, you aren’t perfect at all and there is always going to be someone better, someone smarter, someone more capable than you are. that’s just how life is and you can’t escape it. but as long as you try your best and accept that low points in life are just a part of growing up, you’ll realize that failure won’t kill you. in fact, it might fuel you to work even harder. just accept it, move on, and prepare yourself for the hundreds of other failures you’re going to have to deal with in the future. but know that it’s never ever the end and that from the bottom, the only way is up.

oh, and p.s. “…some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all—in which case, you fail by default.” - j.k. rowling 😊💕

anonymous asked:

okay but consider this; bellamy, after spending hours asking around camp, finding out that murphy left with jaha and the other's. everyone he asked said that they didn't know where murphy went, said the camp was better off without him, and bellamy actually stands up for murphy despite him not being there. everyone else is busy with other projects, and bellamy surprises himself by actually wishing he could talk to someone, even if it was murphy.

But I can actually see this, even in a non-shipping sense. I can see him feeling immense guilt for what happened at Mount Weather and reflect back to every wrong thing he ever did. I can see him apologizing to Octavia for saying she killed their mother, even though he already apologized. I can see him running up to Jasper and admitting to saying he was going to kill him if he didn’t get better after he was attacked by Grounders, begging for forgiveness. Then every delinquent he runs into, he finds something to apologize for.

“I’m sorry for being so reckless when we first got here and nearly getting you killed.”

“I’m sorry for not being a good enough  to save the others.”

“I’m sorry for not being a person you should look up to.”

And it goes on and on, but finally he thinks about the teenage boy he nearly let suffocate to death and how he kicked the crate from beneath his feet. Then he searches for Murphy, with the full intent of saying how he can’t imagine how that must have felt, he was sorry for basically triggering his torture and making him feel like he had to kill his demons. But he can’t find him.

Therefore the only thing he can actually do until they meet again is to defend him when people say things are better off without him, that he deserved everything he got. 

To the anon (I still love you but you hurt me deep):

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be going through my happy tag and crying. And in case anybody else needs it after that, here you go: happy tag. Excuse me while I cry myself to sleep.

I did this…thing to cope with my excitement for the recent spoilers…I have no excuse…

I chew on my nails with vigor. My eyes are fixed on the clock, watching the seconds tick by as though it’s the most intriguing sight to behold. Anticipation prickles my skin and ties my stomach in a knot, and I wait.

Oh, how I’ve waited, for what feels like centuries. Patiently. Desperately. I’ve lurked for spoilers like the shadows cling stubbornly to the light.

Soon, I tell myself. Soon I’ll have it in my hands, all mine to cherish forever.

The doorbell rings, and I almost dart to the ceiling at the shrill sound.

The time has come.

Heart thrumming wildly in my chest, I straighten my spine and walk to the door. My fingers tremble as they curl around the cold handle. Then I falter. 

What if it doesn’t live up to my expectations? Worse even, what if it winds up being the exact opposite of what I wanted?

I shake my head. No, I can’t let fear and doubt rattle me now. Not when I’m so close to obtaining what I’ve craved the most. 

I inhale past the nervousness shuddering down my body, and slowly open the door. There he is, Hiro Mashima in the flesh, clad in a tracksuit and a jersey hat.

“Your order, shipper-san.”

I glance down at the box in his hands, swallowing thickly as my gaze drifts back at him. “Is this…?” I ask with bated breath.

“Exacty as you ordered,” he assures, and opens the box. “Gruvia, sprinkled with delicious angst.”

My eyes go wide, positively sparkling with joy I can’t bring myself to contain, and I whip both hands over my gaping mouth. I don’t realize I’m crying until I feel tears trickling down my cheeks.

Fighting the urge to pinch myself just to make sure I’m not dreaming, I reach out both hands to clutch the box, and it feels like I’m holding a chest with the world’s most precious treasure.

I sob, “Thank you.”

rebelshiney  asked:

Good yatori fic. Help.

Hello! I’d start here (http://fushiginokunino.tumblr.com/post/145779599544/i-adore-your-writing-your-yatori-fics-always-make) and look at the other stories by any writers you really like. Check out their fav stories, too, and have fun going down the fic-reading rabbit hole! I haven’t gotten through that whole list myself yet, but I can say Soltice almost made me cry and I’d 10/10 read again.

whatever you do, don’t imagine Remus Lupin waking up one morning and reading the paper. And the headlines state “James Potter and Peter Pettigrew have been confirmed dead at the hands and help of Sirius Black”. And Remus just staring at the paper for a long while before he just starts sobbing because James and Peter can’t be dead. And Sirius couldn’t have caused their deaths. He’d just spoken to Peter last week, James two days ago and Sirius had just been here yesterday morning. And after he’s calmed down enough to think straight he tries to get in contact with Sirius so that he can tell him it was all a misunderstanding, but he can’t. So he tries James and Peter, but nothing’s working. And he spends the next day in denial, and then the next week, and a month from then he’s still trying to convince himself that it was all wrong and that Sirius is going to walk through that door any moment, arm slung around James’ shoulder and laughing.

But they don’t. He never sees James or Peter again. And it’s many years later until he finally sees Sirius again.

An apology to the one who deserves it the most:

Dearest,
I know you’ve witnessed how I uttered the words ‘I’m sorry’ like a prayer; as if the people I was apologizing to were saints and as if saying those words was the only way I could save myself. I know you’ve seen and heard me beg for their forgiveness many times despite the fact that I was the victim–that I had nothing to be sorry about. I know often times you wanted to pull me away from those people who loved making me feel like I was a living apology–always saying sorry, always feeling guilty. And so I’m sorry. Forgive me for not listening to you, forgive me for ignoring you–forgive me for forgetting you.

But most especially, forgive me for getting you into a lot of heartaches–for not knowing better. I know you would say how none of these things was my fault but I know we both know that I had a lot of choices… and yet I chose to read stories wherein pain and heartbreaks were the main characters. I’m so sorry. Forgive me for always rushing, forgive me for pushing you to do things which I know you didn’t like doing. I’m so sorry for forgetting what you deserve–for settling for less than what you deserve. I’m sorry I did let you suffer. I know you saw how hard I tried to pick you up, but still, forgive me for letting you suffer. I’m sorry for always putting the blame on you, for always telling you that everything is your fault. I’m so sorry for underestimating you, for not believing in you, for hating you so much sometimes I couldn’t bare to look at you. I’m so sorry for not loving you enough. I’m so sorry–forgive me–for not seeing how hard you’re trying. I’m so sorry for every little thing I did to you; for every little thing I let people do to you. You don’t deserve them.

And so this is a promise that I’ll never let you get hurt again; this is a promise that I’ll never make you feel alone again; this is a promise that I’ll always be by your side–you have my back no matter what. I’m not going to leave you. Never again.

And, hey, you deserve this apology from me. Of all people, it’s you who deserve it the most.

—  i.v.c., finally apologizing to myself // oh gods, it took me 19 years