i'm funny baby

8

Happy Birthday, Park Jinyoung!!! #PrinceJinyoungDay

“Wandering isn’t limited to your teenage years. Every year. Wandering comes every day and every hour. I hope that you can take some time to think more about yourself.”

Notable Guests and Incidents From my Career at Chick-Fil-A
  • Elderly woman in the drive thru that insisted her meal should be free because the total cost was the same as her birth year. 
  • Obligatory group of shirtless frat boys. 
  • Guy who pulled me aside and demanded to know if we wash our floors with grease because the (freshly mopped) bathroom floor was slippery. 
  • Soccer mom that intentionally poured a large strawberry milkshake onto her son’s head as punishment. She asked for a new one.
  • Kid that stood on a table and sung Let It Go uninterrupted from start to finish. She received a standing ovation from everyone in the restaurant.
  • Teenage girl that paid for a to-go order, about $45 total, entirely in singles. 
  • College-age girl that asked if it was true that we were handing out free sandwiches to gays and, if so, if she could have one. I told her we weren’t doing that promotion at our location, but I’d buy her a sandwich if she gave me her number. She politely declined. 
  • Prank caller asking if we wanted to buy weed. The manager replied by saying we had a guy that sold to us for 10$/quarter and to call back when he could match that
  • Multiple instances of kids pooping in the playplace.
  • Another prank caller asking if we sold burgers. The manager (a different one) told them there was a Five Guys across the street, so why on earth bother looking for a burger here anyway?
  • That time Arthur Darville came in.
  • Drive thru guest who regularly asks, very specifically, for “coke zero, NOT diet coke with extra ice’
  • A basketball team from a local high school got banned for using their trays to slide down the slide.
  • This happened to be the same night that the staff all stayed an extra 20 minutes after the doors were locked and took turns using a tray to slide down the slide. 
  • Guy with a southern accent that addressed me as “you with the tits,” shoved his sweet tea under my nose for a refill and then, upon noticing my murderous expression, said, “Service with a smile, darlin’,” winked, and walked out.
  • Woman who told me in a watery voice, upon observing my name tag, that her recently deceased daughter’s name was Emily too. She comes back and chats with me occasionally. 
  • My coworker, Tyquan once finished his conversation with the guests by saying “Love, Peace, and Chicken Grease!” It is now a meme and basically all of our customers know him. 
  • That time I was explaining to one of the girls what Rocky Horror Picture Show was and this elderly couple leaned across the counter with wide eyes and exclaimed “You’ve never heard of Rocky Horror!?” And proceeded to yell their favorite audience participation lines. 
  • Guy who’s on the security staff of a local college frequently comes through the drive thru on his segway. We are all on a first name basis with him.
  • A skinny fuckboy who consistently, for over two years, has always come in wearing a trilby, carrying a copy of hamlet, and ordering “Coca-Cola” instead of coke. 
  • Some redneck-type guy with no front teeth that asked me if almost everybody on the staff is “saved” (they are.) He then asked me how old I was and if I was a nice Christian gal (I’m not).
  • Guy who geek-checked me for my Keyblade necklace. He didn’t play the spinoffs.
  • I went into the low fridge one day and the stack of juice boxes had toppled over, basically burying everything else. I asked the manager what happened, and he looked at me dead in the face and said “it was an appleanche.” 
  • Stoners calling to ask if we delivered.
  • Guy who said, in a deadass tone: “If you guys call it Chick-Fil-A because the staff is all chicks why don’t y’all wear more revealing shirts?” And I honestly didn’t even know what to do because a) our staff is not all women and b) Sir do you realize that this is a heavily Christian establishment I mean christ.
  • Unknown guest who left me several napkins with pictures drawn on them, labelled “tip.” To date it is the third tip I’ve ever gotten and by far the best.
  • That time we traded four large strip trays for eight cases of White Castle.
  • Woman in the drive thru that demanded to speak with the owner because we told her that she could not get six large cups of ice for free and would have to pay for a bag of ice instead.
  • Guy in a full replica batman cosplay. He came in, walked around, took some pictures with people, and left.
  • There was a baby boomer that screamed literally right in my face because his nuggets were cold. I had shit to do though and his breath with nasty so after six whole minutes of this (I timed it) I burst into tears and told him it was just my first day. Later the manager told me that she saw the whole thing and that she almost peed herself from laughing so hard and that I wasn’t allowed to do that anymore. 

And finally…

  • Prank caller asking if we could do a birthday party for 52 lesbians.
4

yes, the little blue engine that travels the world going “chugga-chugga JUICE JUICE”

So in my biology class today, while learning about genetics, our teacher had us doing this activity where we simulated the process of how a person ended up with the genes and traits that they do using the parents genes. We were supposed to draw an end result of what they would look like with the genes that they got, and we were told to draw the full body only wearing a diaper so we could see all the traits. But somehow i missed the memo that we were supposed to draw a baby, so I ended up turning in a drawing of a ripped 27 year old dude only wearing a diaper, and now it’s hanging on the wall next to all the baby drawings. This is going to be an interesting rest of the year…

Deity witch tip

Deities can communicate with you in all different ways! Sometimes it’s glimpsing an animal associated with them, or a flash of color. Sometimes it’s that gut feeling that feels influenced by something stronger than yourself. Other times… it’s a fortune cookie voice telling you to keep driving cause you’ll find closer parking. I’ll take it.

  • Tony: So I'm -
  • Steve: Beautiful?
  • Bucky: Gorgeous?
  • T'Challa: Magnificent?
  • Tony: Pregnant
  • Steve, Bucky & T'Challa: ......huh??
  • Clint: Oooooooh...
  • Tony: You're all the fathers
  • Steve, Bucky & T'Challa: ......HUH??!!
  • Clint: Oooooooh, shit! Nat owes me 70 bucks!

I wanted to draw my human babies drunk ass hell cuz’ I’ve got the idea that Lapis would be an agressive drunk girl, Peridot the one who can’t stop laughing…and Pearl would be probably crying all night while Amethyst is horny af