i'm feeling like i'm on my personal tumblr

I had a mighty need to color this panel.

All I want is to feel like I’ve made a difference to someone. Just one person. That would be enough.
—  from an unfinished story #936
do you ever just feel like you’re just completely worthless and unattractive on a physical and emotional level and you’re just never good enough because there’s always someone else that overpowers you with their pretty face and personality and you just instantly back down because you feel you have literally nothing to fight against with
—  (via sturzpoesie IG)

anonymous asked:

According to that article, Harry and his band started to record and then he decided they need to be free from distractions and went to Jamaica. What a lovely place to write and record while still having fun getting drunk and partying (he made a point to mention it). But it wasn't compulsory that he recorded in Jamaica. This is when Louis and his family was facing a really hard time. It's just hard for me to justify that if they were as supportive of each other as fandom makes them out to be.

Anon, meet your name Anon Friend who also messaged about that post:

Thank you! The Jamaica thing drives me crazy. Hearing about those fun rom-con marathons and drunken nights of swimming in dresses frustrates me so much given that Joannah was in the hospital terminally ill at the time. Louis adored his mom and i can’t imagine the stress of that situation, the secrecy, maintaining stunts, his family. Why the hell aren’t people more concerned with Harry being in the UK to support Louis? Why?

Anons, let’s talk.

First off, I want to state I am not talking about the actual Harry and Louis. I am not making assumptions about how often Louis was in the UK with Harry, whether or not Louis needed a break or a vacation from handling Jay’s illness, or how often Louis was in Jamaica with Harry. I am not making assumptions or guesses or head canons about what the real!Harry and real!Louis did.

Second, this topic really hits close to home right now for me. I have a family member who has been in the hospital for 70 days straight as of today. My brother and I are the only ones around to take care of him. He’s going to be fine, eventually (probably and mostly), but we were told to start considering end of life decisions when he was still unconscious. It’s been a very bumpy, long road.

I am not in Louis’ situation. I understand that. I am not trying to say I understand what he went through–hell no. What I am saying is that I have needed my spouse. Beyond that, I have needed my friends in grad school–people I have only met in the last few months have let me cry on their shoulders (literally). I have had friends help me keep up with assignments and readings. I have needed grace from colleagues. I have had needed fandom friends to help distract me. I have needed my brother. And yes, sometimes I have needed to ignore it all, to avoid the hospital, to negotiate visits with my brother so we can spread them out and take some breaks, live our lives, go laugh at a movie.

What pisses me off is that there are people in this fandom trying to line up dates Harry and Louis weren’t seen as “proof” Louis was in Jamaica. I have seen multiple posts and head canons and analysis of the word “we,” all of them trying to prove that Louis spent a ton of time in Jamaica “supporting” Harry.

And maybe Louis did. Maybe he needed that. There is no judgement here, because anyone knows that people need a break from the hospital, from the draining day-to-day of it. Hell, maybe Jay was still well enough then that Louis didn’t necessarily need Harry’s in-country support. Or maybe Louis had fallen into a routine. I have no idea, and I don’t even rally care. I’m not judging where Louis or Harry actually were.

What I am judging is this fandom and the fact that I haven’t seen people trying to prove that Harry was lying about being in Jamaica. I haven’t seen people trying to prove that Harry was in the UK supporting Louis during any of that time.

I would love for someone to tell me why the fuck it’s a sexy head canon that Louis “supported” Harry in Jamaica, but there is no sexy head canon about Harry supporting Louis while Jay was sick?

Is it because we talk about sex on the beach, but not sitting in silence behind a curtain, listening to someone’s lungs rise and fall with the help of a tube shoved down their throat? Is it because getting drunk and high and writing fake-deep lyrics is a better way to spend a late night than dreading a phone call and wondering if you’re going to need your partner to drive you to the hospital in the middle of the night in an emergency?

I often say I don’t know anything and I try not to make declarative statements, but fuck that right now. Let’s be clear: If there was someone in that couple who needed “support” while Harry was–we are supposed to believe–getting drunk in drag with a whole support crew of people in Jamaica, it was not Harry.

And the fact that the fandom created and reblogged posts implying otherwise is massively fucked up.

anonymous asked:

You've mentioned that you had a relationship with your drill sergeant. Was that legal? How do you feel about it in retrospect? Feel free to ignore this ask if this is too personal! I'm just curious is all.

ehhh..

It depends on what part of the relationship we are talking about haha

Keep reading

The more time I spend away, the more I realize that home isn’t one place or one person. It’s a feeling; that feeling you get in the bottom of your ribcage when you look around a room and see nothing but people you love being happy; that little jump in your heartbeat when you even think about it, like your body can’t wait to be there again.
—  Journal Entry; 5 June 2017
Creators On Tumblr

Tumblr is a really bad place for creativity and creators. It creates an atmosphere of expectation, there’s a lot of times where pressure to create reduces creativity. It is filled with hateful people who get away with persistently sending hateful messages to creators. It is filled with cruel comments and harsh criticism. It is creativity draining sometimes, it can suck the soul out of you given enough years. 

If anyone is wondering why so many writing blogs are closing down, deactivating, not creating anymore the answer usually is that tumblr does not inspire creativity after years of it and that people with busy lives decide that what’s best for them is to move away from that. Which is most certainly true in those cases, sometimes people need to focus on their own lives, on themselves, and get away from the pressure of creating. 

With Angela not currently creating new content please accept that. Please appreciate that she has run the blog for over 2 years, that the amount she has created, the work and time and love she’s put in is immense…and that when you don’t feel creative or inspired there’s not much you can do. That sometimes you need to take a step back.

Running a big creative blog is tiring, and as sad as it is when someone decides to take a step back, you’ve still got everything they’ve written before. You’ve still got those years you had with that blog and in many cases still can talk with those bloggers who are still there just not creating.  

Please respect Angela @alloftheimaginesblog don’t tell her to get someone else to take over the blog or complain. Let her have time to herself and maybe the creativity will come back, who knows? Just respect her decisions and the decisions of other creators when it comes to their blogs. It’s not easy for those bloggers to stop what they’ve been doing for so long either, but sometimes it needs to happen. 

Thank you :)

A thought

I miss talking to you frequently guys, it part of the reason why i’m on tumblr and i don’t feel good isolating myself like that

So do you guys have any question for me? Tell me about yourself too! -in my ask box, or even submission if you have something cool to show me-

I’m always open to discussion! if you want to share something with me i’ll always be happy, really!

I like being alone and that’s nothing to be ashamed of. I like dancing by myself. I like the relief of cancelled plans and staying in for the day. But I don’t like feeling lonely. I don’t like walking in an empty house. I don’t like not knowing whether my friends are still my friends and I don’t like having no shoulder to cry on when things get rough.

A bit of a reminder that this is a personal inspiration and art blog. I have a strong taste for morbid curiosity and some rather grim stuff can be found from this tumblr. I understand that some things I find fascinating and inspiring aren’t everyone’s cup of tea and I respect that. You should be able to avoid seeing them by blacklisting one or more of these tags;

#macabre = dark, horror, spooky unnerving stuff. Overlaps with the following a lot, but isn’t a bulletproof catch-it-all tag.

#gore = fictional (drawn) and real pictures that contain blood, viscera, unprocessed bones and similar. Most of it is relatively subtle, I don’t reblog things that I consider degrading or gratuitously, disgustingly graphic (no human irl gore such as crime scene photos, medical gore and similar).

#animal death = pretty self explanatory. I’m part of the vulture culture community, which means I like to collect and study animal bones, taxidermy and their anatomy. The contents of this blog reflect that hobby sometimes. I don’t condone animal cruelty and depictions of real, living animals in distress tend to make me feel unwell, but expect to come across a picture of a cadaver or two if you decide to follow me.

#body horror = Images that depict bodily disarray but not necessarily in a bloody, gory way. Extra limbs, supernumerary eyes, weird growths and such, usually pictured in fictional setting. Notice that I tag irl cases of unusual bodies as #physical anomalies and they’re far less extreme than the former.

#nsfw = artsy nudity, but very far in between. Doesn’t really fit in with the rest of these subjects, but I see why some people would rather not see it.

If you find blacklisting bothersome or for any other reason whatsoever, feel free to unfollow me. While I appreciate my followers a lot and feel very humbled when people like my art and stuff, I don’t spend my days staring at my follower count and whether this-and-that is still on board with me. Above all I don’t want you to feel pressured to keep following me if you don’t want to, browsing tumblr should be a pleasant experience for everyone. If you’re a longtime follower, thank you, I’m flattered I’ve managed to keep you interested all this time! If you’re planning to unfollow me, thanks for your interest, I hope you find blogs that cater to your tastes better than mine did!

That’s about it, I hope. I don’t want to spook anyone to think that my blog is an endless bloodbath of a tumblr, but I’d like you to know what you’re getting into so that your day isn’t ruined when you come across a flayed beluga whale on your dashboard.

Have a good day~

anonymous asked:

I love your work and I was so happy to find that to had a Tumblr. I don't know if you're the right person to ask, but I really respect how intelligent you are and I'm hoping you can help. I'm a bisexual woman who is in a long term relationship with a man. I love him dearly. But because I'm in a passing relationship, I'm starting to feel the hate from my fellow queers, who are passively shaming me for who I fell in love with. What should I do? I never got treated like this dating women.

I completely understand. I had exactly the same thing happen to me. Gay women mistakenly think that dating a man magically makes you heterosexual, forgetting of course that men don’t magically cure you of your love for women and other genders, and that all that sleeping with a man makes you is sleeping with a man. 

The ‘passing privilege’ is something I specifically want to address. 

We all have passing privilege. All of us have different levels of passing privilege. Every single one of you will pass at some point in your lives, ranging from either just online to every situation you’re in. For most people, when you walk down the street, people assume you’re cishet. When you interact with someone new they ask you about your ‘husband’ or ‘boyfriend’ (and if you have one!) and any children. People assume you are straight. ‘Passing privilege’ is not something exclusive to bisexual folks, and just because there are a few more situations they can pass in, and a few more obstacles they avoid, doesn’t mean they don’t face most of the discrimination like gay folks do. 

FURTHERMORE, bisexuals may sometimes avoid some of the obstacles gay people face when they date someone that appears to make them look like a cishet couple, but in avoiding those, they face something incredibly isolating that we all understand: being invisible, and feeling like no one understands. 

When I was dating a (lovely) man in my mid-twenties, every time someone would say something homophobic, I felt it. Every time someone would assume I was with a man, even though I was actually with a man, I noticed. Every time the government debated gay marriage and gay rights I intimately felt all that stuff because you know what? I’m still queer. I still love women. That part of me didn’t magically disappear. My boyfriend didn’t understand, either, because he was like, “At least that doesn’t affect you anymore!” Yeah, babe. It actually DOES affect me. I’m not straight. 

Worse: my mother acted like I was ‘cured’ when I was dating him. She was so overjoyed, and that broke my fucking heart because nothing had changed about me. I was the same. She just didn’t like the bisexual truth about me. So the idea that I get to have my parents acceptance and love is false, because that’s not what I had. I had conditional acceptance, and believe me, it hurt. Because it wasn’t for all of me. 

On top of that, every time I dated a guy, my lesbian friends would essentially excommunicate me. They’d stop inviting me out for ‘girl drinks’. They’d talk about me behind my back. They’d all have fun without me and the message was clear: you’re not welcome here anymore. Nothing about me had changed at all, nothing: but by dating a man, somehow I was suddenly ‘impure’ and unwelcome in ‘pure’ lesbian spaces. It was disgusting. I even had a lesbian call me a “sperm recepticle” once, which is not only biphobic, but transphobic to the fucking max. 

Bisexual folks face many (all, if they’re dating someone of the same gender!) of the same obstacles gay folks face with the addition of straight people and gay people dismissing them. 

So: don’t let anyone tell you you’re not queer. Don’t let them passively excommunicate you: CALL them on it. Tell them nothing has changed. You’re still attracted to women, and sleeping with a man doesn’t change that one bit. Don’t let them discriminate against you without (gently, or not gently, if necessary!) calling them on it. 

You’re just as queer as they are. You’re just a different sort of queer. You’re not a lesser queer. You’re not an ‘impure’ queer. You’re a different flavour of queer and the rainbow needs all colours <3

anonymous asked:

I've been ridiculed for finding men attractive on this fucking hellsite, I once wrote a post about my crush and his incredible abs (sorry mate but like holy shit he has nice abs, I'm all for personality cause he's lovely as well but like holy fuck) and someone commented saying, "keep this straight shit off my dash." I'm allowed to find men attractive and I'm allowed to express my feelings on a public website

There was a good post about how tumblr goes from “we support gay rights!” to “fuck straight people! they’re disgusting!!!” but yeah, I’ve seen a lot of that too and it’s shitty.

anonymous asked:

teenage antis are wild they're legit like "i'm a minor uwu and what you do/say/think makes me personally uncomfortable so even though i'm injecting myself into your fandom space and not staying in my own lane, i need you to stop saying/doing/thinking the way you do because, like i said, i'm a minor and my feelings and needs are more important..." and to that i say: lol no.

It’s like minors think tumblr and the internet is only for minors like if you’re knowingly going into an environment/ community where you know you’re gonna be exposed to some shit you don’t like or that is ‘adult’ then I literally can’t help you the internet is for everyone not just ppl under 18 who only want some slow burn coffee shop AU content

September 21, 2017

8:37 pm

I wonder what you’re up to
I wonder what you got going on
I wonder if you’re feeling blue
I wonder if you think I’m a moron

For texting you that one day
Asking if you were okay
But that didn’t play out like it does in the movies
And I wonder if you saw right through me

Did you think I had forgotten you before then?
Well surprise because on my mind you’re all that’s been
I’m consumed with thoughts of there being an us again
But I know there’s a 99% chance that’ll never happen

I don’t say 100 because only a sith deals in absolutes
I had to throw in a Star Wars reference because I know you’d think it’s cute
But back to the question at hand
Where do we stand?

I know you want nothing to do with me
But in a world that’s infinite tell me honestly
That you really believe we weren’t meant to be
Just look at all the signs and with me you’d agree

We live miles apart
But somehow someway I found my way to your heart
You said we’d definitely met in previous lives
And with each of our encounters we did nothing but thrive

Idk man I guess I just refuse to believe we have an end
Maybe we’re not completely broken and this is just a bend
And maybe one day this is something we can mend
Ugh I wish I had the courage to type this on my phone and hit send

anonymous asked:

I'm 15 and i'm afraid to say my age online cause i feel like people would treat me differently for being so young. I want people to treat me the way they do now like i'm an older person. I hate it when people won't show something to you cause i'm too young but i really don't care. And i feel like people will judge me for my age........

Hi there, sweetheart.

I can see why you’d be nervous; revealing your age is always kind of nerve-wracking thing, but I don’t think people would treat you all that different. There are loads of people who are years younger than you on Tumblr! If it’s, say, your friends or even people you don’t talk to on a regular basis, I don’t think they’d care how old you are!

I don’t think anyone would judge you, either. Ultimately though, it is your decision! <3

anonymous asked:

I'm genuinely afraid of going to pride in my city because of the fact I'm aro and my friend is ace. I just want to go and enjoy myself but I'm afraid of getting aphobic abuse if I do

Yeah, I feel you.

However, tumblr isn’t real life. The fucks you see on here? It’s pretty much just here. The discourse isn’t a real life thing for the most part, so if that’s what your scared of, then you should be good.

That isn’t to say that bad things won’t happen, but it’s not as likely at pride. Every ace/aro person I’ve seen go has had a blast.


MH

anonymous asked:

hello there!! I have a question to ask and with the POC talk lately I figured Id ask sorry haha. My question isn't exactly a question but a reach out because I don't know how to feel sometimes as an /adopted/ person of color. Ive gone through some of what others go through, but just; differently; and sometimes when I write I feel.. Insensitive or I feel like I'm alone. Wrong or different. // and tumblr asks are..Small. I know I'm being vague, I'm sorry- but I want to reach out. More anons? DMs?

I’m so sorry asking this of you even when you’re going through so much. I just wanted to reach out somehow and.. I guess I rambled a bit. And I want to give you a proper thank you for everything. I love your writing and your confidence in your convictions. So yeah- thanks.. And sorry, again, about the blab.

No apologies, fam. And thanks for following my extra crazy ass in the first place~

Like… I always feel a certain type of way about POC adopted into non-POC households and the isolation that you can experience by just being in that kind of situation. I’m not adopted and I had the luxury of growing up in Detroit where I went to schools and such surrounded by my peers (even though I still had loads of internalized self-hatred that I won’t even begin to touch right now as that’s a thesis in and of itself), but I feel for people like you and what I assume to be the basis of your situation. Hell, I feel for my eldest niece right now who wishes she was lighter-skinned and skinny because she lives in the suburbs where all her classmates are white with long flowing hair and I have to drill into her head while I’m here that lighter =/= more beautiful. But it’s an uphill battle.

Feel free to DM me, actually, if you just wanna talk or vent or whatnot. I can go AWOL on messages sometimes because of my schedule and inherent inability to stay focused, but I don’t mind being an ear. Stay strong, okay? ❤️

#Choicescreates23 : How choices changed my life 

I started playing choices around October or November of last year and I remember telling myself “oh this is intriguing and I love the game design but I’ll probably delete this in the following 5 minutes” narrator : She did not.

I came across Choices at a moment where university was too much, I was lonely, away from my family it was my second year and my only friend went back home since she was abroad for the year so yeah it got really lonely. I was willing to meet people but I didn’t have good experiences these past years with friendship, I ended up giving up all together and I just got very depressed and anxious, my grades were average it was a whole new educational system I didn’t figure out and still kind of don’t understand and long story short I needed to escape this. I started playing the freshman and fell in love with the book, I related so much to my Mc, the struggles the banter etc… the only thing I didn’t experience was getting along with my suitemates they were kind of obnoxious and inconsiderate but oh well I had them :’) 

Couple of months later I stumbled across Holly’s blog and I realize a fandom existed, I was addicted to choices and wanted to exchange but I had no one to do it with so I made a blog with the sole purpose to read more things about it and lurk. I think my first reblog was a picture of Zac Efron along with Michael B. Jordan cause I was trying to figure out how tumblr works, I’m such a noob! And my first real post is the edit of Chris I did, took so long to bled his hair haha and honestly I wasn’t comfortable with photshop but it worked out kinda okay and anyway this is what got me started among the fandom. I wasn’t a lurker anymore I had stuff to share, opinions, points etc… I remember thinking and thinking and overthinking “should I just try choicescreates?” after debating and wrestling mentally with myself I just decided to do it anyway,  it had been more than 6 or 8 months since I last drew something, hadn’t drawn anyrhing and I was kind of rusty ! 

I just tried it out for the fun anyway and my first ever art posted is the Zig in the jacket thingy lmao I’m cringing a lot now that I see it but man I stared at it for so long I was blown away by the result cause honestly I wasn’t expecting it to work out my style was way different back then, I was struggling between an anime-ish cartoony style with no real realism, no technique my anatomy sucked and I lacked technique so I didn’t know what to expect and everyone supported it so much I legit cried. Something I wasn’t sure about made me smile for what, a week??? I took so much fun doing it as well that I had that sparkle again I knew what I wanted to do with my blog, so yeah I kept on doing it and doing what I love, more people came to support, I’m part of a fandamily, with the nicest people I have ever met and the most supportive ! I legit wanted to throw up and I had saved the file in my draft I was about to chicken out and never post but I closed my eyes and I hit send and I went to take a shower and I was shaking 😂 when I came back I had all these lovely responses and I cried on my floor I was shaking still!

I never shared my art outside of my family because I’m really insecure about it but hey guess what choices did for me ? I don’t think of myself as a boring person anymore, I have a twin sister and my best friends here, I share my passion everyday and I exchange over something I love, less scared maybe even bolder, more confident in myself ! It basically made me grow up, since I played the game I spoke to several people!

I am proud of myself and of how far I’ve gone, this game made me grow up honestly. I feel like it has taught me several subjects and talking with people with different experiences from mines opened perspectives I wouldn’t have thought of before? It also helped me out with slangs linguistically speaking and man it feels good to understand now and to use them everyday lmao ! haha I have a fun fact about this but I don’t want it to be longer than it already is 

@kittenmusicals‘ post inspired this one since she shared her lovely experience I wanted put my two cents in, is it how you say it?? 

@hollyashton and @texanhusker this is my entry this week

It’s only the beginning of this jouney and I still have so much to learn I’m about to go aboad for the first time and even when things will get too much I know I have people I can count on and this warms my heart 

So Thank you choices and pixelberry for the wonderful journey and the amazing people for all the support for making me feel like I too matter that I don’t have to be scared all the time, to second guess myself that I’m worth more and that I shouldn’t sell myself short oh so often ! It’s a real work on myself, Tumblr is my therapy! 😂

I’m so sappy now, sorry I’m grossely sappy! That’s about it thank you all seriously ! I love you !  ♥️