i'm emotionally unstable because of this

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Olivia Holt “History” Official Music Video

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Tfw you finally meet your sons and Phil asks you how you are and you say “ughdjsksn??” And he says “that’s good!” And laughs and you’re pretty ready to throw yourself into the abyss because they look so happy to meet you and when you walk away you start crying because you’re so overwhelmed and ecstatic ok bye

11/18 Coda

Dean sat down on the edge of his bed to start what had become his nightly routine. He clasped his hands together and lowered his head in defeat because today had not gone how he had planned at all. 

Dean had planned that right now, Cas would be safe. Dean had planned that Cas would be in his arms. Dean had planned that they would be working together again. Dean had planned -

A choked gasp made it past Dean’s lips, surprising himself as a lone tear escaped and dropped off his cheek to wet his thumb. He needed Cas back. 

“Okay, Cas. I need you to loosen those hooks he has in you just enough to listen to this. Please do this for me.” A deep, shuddering breath. “You need to eject the bastard, Cas. You need to fight against his hold and get back to us.”

Another shuddering breath while Dean waited pointlessly for an answer. When none came, he continued. “I’m trying everything I can to help you but you need to want this, Cas. You need to want to get back to us, back to me.”

Another rogue tear rolled down his cheek and Dean lifted his head to look up at the ceiling and the sky beyond, praying that somewhere his Cas was still alive to see the same sky. “Cas you turned me into a pray-er for God’s sake can’t you see I’m falling apart without you?”

Still, no answer, just like the weeks before. Dean couldn’t help but feel the crushing weight on his chest lower a couple inches more, cracking his heart bit by bit. “I need you, Cas.” Now it wasn’t just his heart cracking. 

Three seconds was all it took for Dean to make up his mind on the subject. “Dammit Cas, I love you.” Three more seconds Dean waited for Castiel to appear before him, smiling and unbroken and safe. Waiting for Castiel to be happy because he loved Dean too, and had wished for this moment just as much as Dean had.

But no such luck and Dean dropped his head in his hands to cry openly, for the first time in a long time.

“What else can I do to prove to you that this is not worth it. That what you’re doing,” A choked breath. “You don’t need to do it. Just come back to me and I promise we will win, together.”

Dean had exhausted his options. He had let his heart speak for him and still, Castiel would not return, would not reciprocate his feelings.

Abandoning any sense of dignity he had left, Dean curled up and let the tears roam free over his pillow, the saltiness stinging in his cuts. All the while, until he fell into a restless sleep, Dean kept whispering to his angel. 

“Please Cas… I miss you Cas… I want you Cas… I need you Cas… I love you Cas.” 

Episode 313 of The 100 will be one of my fav episodes of season 3 not just because of the bellarke hug but because of the ark flashback tying it back to the first episode. It gave me goosebumps and chills. Also, mostly cause of Radioactive playing and it just made me cry and miss season 1 when everything was simple and innocent