i'm dead serious

I genuinely love confusing smut.

Where did their pants go? Were they not wearing any?
I thought he was on his back, how’s he grinding his dick into the bed?
He just had a gag in his mouth, now he’s sucking cock?
One hand holding him up, one hand on his dick, one hand fingering himself.
He’s supposed to be tied down but he just ran his hand through his hair…

It fulfills my headcanon that every person in every ship is a nudist, telekinetic, mutant contortionist.


Okay first of all you’re probably going to think this is a bad joke but I’M SERIOUS

So, I’m baking cookies and this though comes to me and I just can’t get it out of my head:

Why are they called cookies? They aren’t cooked, they’re baked.  Shouldn’t they be called bakies???

The ultimate Steven Universe conspiracy: 

In Greg the Babysitter, Vidalia’s babysitter can’t work because of a “death in the family” (which is revealed to be a hamster).

Vidalia also mentions that this babysitter is 12 years old at the time, which means they’re about 12-13 years older than Sour Cream. If Sour Cream is currently somewhere between 15-18, this would mean the babysitter is currently in their late 20s, early 30s. Most people in the show are either “parent age” (Greg, Vidalia, Mayor Dewey), “teen age” (Sadie, Cool Kids, Ronaldo), or “kids age” (Connie, Onion, Petey). This leaves but one option:

Originally posted by garnets-hips-dont-lie

Which leads me to the most important fact in the entire show: Jamie the Mailman used to have a hamster.

The only time

The only time I would genuinely hate mikaela if he killed one of yuus friends. I love mikaela but if he butchers anyone important to yuu! This is why I hate Lucy from elfen lied! I didn’t hate her until she butchered koutas family! Don’t give a shit about your trauma you still had a choice to kill or not! I hope kagami doesn’t make mikaela kill anyone important to yuu! Please don’t;-; I love him the smol vampire. Do not make him kill and then make me pity him. I hate Lucy from EL and Humpty Dumpty from blood bank for the same shit! I won’t hesitate to hate mika too! The minute mika kills one of yuus friends I’m shipping Yuunoa! Kagami don’t fuck this up!