My best friend is gay white male, while I'm a POC. I'm often seen as racially ambiguous though I'm creole. While talking to my best friend of 5 yrs, he told me he would never date a black guy unless said guy shaved his head bc he doesn't like the "course & oily hair black ppl" have. He went on to say other stereotypical & offensive things about black ppl & jokingly said he was racist. As a gay male, I thought he'd understand the oppression POC face as he himself deals with being stereotyped...
I thought he’d be more open minded & kind instead of generalizing a whole group of ppl. Right now I’m hurt & unsure of how to deal with my feelings. I let him know black ppl come in all shades with various characteristics & anyone can have “coarse hair” & things like that.. Any advice on how to fix the friendship? I just feel I can no longer relate & be close to him even after all these yrs of friendship bc now I know how he really feels. It’s like I’m just “white enough” to be his friend.
I’m really sorry that you’re in this position. Know that your feelings are valid. It’s okay to feel hurt and angry and even betrayed. Just because he’s your best friend doesn’t mean he can say whatever he wants to you without upsetting you.
As hard as it is to accept, your friend IS racist. Don’t excuse his racism just because you’re close and you’ve known him for a long time. He doesn’t get a pass on this.
Maybe he’ll change in time, but for the past five years his best friend has been a black women and he still thinks and says racist bullshit. I know you’d like to save this friendship, but you might have to let this one go.
Think of it this way: Would you want him to be best friends with someone who “joked” about being homophobic and said offensive and stereotypical things about gay people?