i'm creeping myself out now

Steam Train Sentence Starters || Who's Your Daddy? Edition
  • "Where are you going?"
  • "I am the only father in this room."
  • "Stop eating the batteries!"
  • "I'm never gonna stop eating batteries, they are delicious."
  • "Suck on that, Daddy!"
  • "This time I'm gonna be the dad."
  • "So I just ate a shit ton of batteries. And they were delicious."
  • "Bad baby!"
  • "I wanna get in this trash can!"
  • "I'm just gonna refer to you as Daddy."
  • "Am I being a naughty baby, Daddy?"
  • "You're being a very naughty baby."
  • "Daddy, I'm eating trash."
  • "I'm creeping myself out right now."
  • "What the fuck!? There's a bath tub!?"
  • "You Hulk-ass baby!"
  • "Do you like this? I love this."
  • "Why am I always the daddy!?"
  • "Here, have a ball to play with."
  • "Please don't refer to me as Daddy."
  • "You are the worst son ever."
  • "You'll always be my daddy."
  • "Can you be my daddy?"
  • "I would love to be your daddy."
  • "Who's a sexy widdle baby?"
  • "I'm a sexy widdle baby."
  • "Don't you dare play that piano."
  • "______ is baby sitting my daughter and I am terrified."
  • "I'm a bad daddy!"
  • "Good luck getting into that oven, baby!"
  • "Get the fuck out of the way, Daddy!"
  • "Suck my nard, Daddy!"
  • "That is inappropriate talk."
  • "Go fuck yourself."
  • "Play for my amusement, child."
  • "I'm a sexy little baby and I'm gonna eat some fuckin' batteries."
  • "Did you lock that?"
  • "_______ looks like a big fucking muppet, you know?"
  • "Did you know babies can laugh?"
  • "I don't know but I'm gonna hit you in the fuckin' kneecaps."
  • "You can't fry yourself with a hammer."
  • "Did you eat those batteries?"
  • "Let's eat some goddamn batteries."
  • "Put down the hammer!"
  • "This is my room."
  • "It's my room now, bitch."
  • "This is a sexy room!"
  • "This is like American Psycho up in here!"
  • "As an actual father, now I'm upset."
  • "Can I throw things at you?"
  • "Do not eat that trash, _______, do not eat that trash, I swear to god, do not eat that fuckin' trash."
  • "I'm like the Duracell bunny up in this bitch!"
  • "Why are there bananas on the wall?"
  • "Being a parent is just to live in fear constantly."
  • "Having a kid is fucking terrifying."
  • "Why can't I pick up this baby?"
  • "Don't eat the batteries, goddammit."
  • "Do you wanna hear something fucked up that I bet you don't know?"
  • "I'm very uncomfortable with that. . . Actually I love it, what am I talking about?"
  • "Goddammit you took my fork!"
  • "I'm going upstairs so fuck you."
  • "She does not like to eat batteries."
  • "How are you going to get me out of this tub, asshole?"
  • "Tell me your qualifications for babysitting."
  • "I have watched a child for more than six hours without it dying."
  • "Now I'm gonna drop the fork in the toilet."
  • "I was gonna put a bucket over you but it didn't work."
  • "Mmmmm! Water! I love you!"
  • "Give me some pills, come on, be a man."
  • "You can die all you want, _______ is the one I'm really concerned with."
  • "Just because it's French, doesn't make it smart."
  • "Get over here, you little bastard."
  • "You're not my real dad, dad!"
  • "Do you want kids?"
  • "Well. . . I shouldn't have been a dick."
  • "I have zero confidence in your ability to babysit."

NO BUT FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO THINK I MAY BE JOKING LOOK AT THIS SHIT

I TOOK THIS PICTURE WHEN I FIRST GOT MY PHONE TO TEST OUT THE CAMERA, WHEN i TOOK IT I COULDN’T SEE IN THE KITCHEN BECAUSE IT WAS PRETTY DARK

AFTERWARDS I THOUGHT I SAW SOMETHING SO I PUT A FILTER ON IT THAT ENHANCED THE LIGHTING AND THIS IS WHAT I FOUND

TO THE LEFT YOU SEE A KITCHEN TABLE AND BEHIND THAT IS A COUNTER TOP

TO THE RIGHT IS SUPPOSED TO BE AN EMPTY SPACE IN MY KITCHEN BETWEEN THE COUNTER AND THE FRIDGE AND YOU SHOULD EASILY BE ABLE TO SEE THE CABINETS LIKE YOU CAN ON THE LEFT SIDE OF THE KITCHEN

BUT HERE WE SEE A TALL HUMANOID SHADOW FIGURE FUCKING THING

DO YOU KNOW HOW BADLY I WANTED TO CRY WHEN I FIRST REALIZED THIS

AND JUDGING BY HIS HEIGHT COMPARED TO THE STOVE VENT, I’D SAY IT’S JUT A TAD TALLER THAN ME

THAT LITTLE FUCKER RIGHT THERE IS CHARLIE THE GHOST

AND HE’S MAKING TOAST IN MY HOUSE RIGHT NOW