i'm being crazy again

Being Allen’s child would include...
  • Him crying when he finally held you in his arms.
  • For the first time in his life, he had a family. It fills him with equal parts of happiness and sadness.
  • Sadness because he knows that because of him, you will be put through all sorts of hell and might never be able to have a normal life.
  • And he’s also scared…Scared of the future…scared that he won’t be a good father.
  • He had considered leaving you with Mother, for you to have at least a semblance of normalcy but he couldn’t help but think about his own life in the past…all the times he spent wondering who his parents were and the loneliness eating a hole in his heart when he felt that they had abandoned him…He didn’t want you feeling that way.
  • If Cross was still alive, he knows that that man would scold him but nothing would change his decision…you will be right by his side, until you no longer wanted to.

  • Him leaving the order at his own accord knowing that even though there are people that he trust with his life there, he couldn’t risk your freedom.
  • Him holding your hand tightly whenever the two of you are travelling or are in crowded towns.
  • The two of you getting ridiculously lost together and each time it happened, you would sarcastically comment on it and he would feel guilty but then…you managed to get lost again and again somehow…so your sense of direction is as bad as his, if not worse.
  • Asking Timcampy to follow you around to make sure you’re safe at all times.
  • Him making sure that you know that he loves you all the time…from telling you to giving you small little gifts, whatever he could afford (out of all the gifts, you like the rosary best).
  • Him working as a street clown and you would be his little assistant, sitting on his shoulders or helping him perform tricks (because you can’t stand being left in the inn alone and begged to go with him.)
  • Him making sure that you never follow him when he go into seedy bars to play poker whenever the two of you are strap on cash.
  • Him playing poker with you (just the two of you) and watching with a smile as your face revealed your thoughts.
  • Him pretending to lose to you and watching you grin in delight and declare that you beat the poker King.
  • Him patting your head whenever you’re down and sitting down and making you spill all your problems and worries to him. No matter what it will be, he would always listen with a gentle smile and help you get through it.
  • Him teaching you how to read and write because he knows its essential and he struggled a lot with it because he learned it late (when he first became Cross’ apprentice).
  • Him sneaking off to hunt Akumas while you’re asleep and pretending that he had been there by your side all along (but somehow, you knew)

  • Him making sure that you listen to him. When he shouts at you to run…you run…no matter what happened.
  • He tried to keep you away from the Akumas as much as possible but there’s only so much he can do before one attacks you.
  • He’ll try (desperately) to soothe your fears but you will still dream about the monsters sometimes and wake up screaming in the middle of the night.
  • He would become distant at times…not because he doesn’t love you but because he’s wrestling control with Neah. He didn’t want the two of you to meet. Who knows what Neah would do…and that possibility scares him.
  • Him trying to keep you away from Innocence but somehow you keep gravitating towards it.
  • Horror curling in the pit of his stomach as you one day became an accommodator.
  • What’s done was done. There was no turning back.
  • Him training you till you could hold your own.
  • Him holding you tight whenever he’s emotionally high, mind filled with worries, heart filled with heaviness…No matter how you had grown…he doesn’t want to let go…but deep down inside…he knows that one day, he would had to…

I just found a notebook from my last exam session and I’ll share with you some of the things I’ve written on the last few pages. Remembering this time I know I wasn’t high but reading this really makes me think I was. Here goes:

• this is going to fucking kill me!!
• I want to die dying
• olololo how much do you want to die right now
Then I got philosophical and I literally have no idea what I meant or why I wrote this:
• Are you okay with having so much shit to do so that the only things you know are the things you’ve seen?
Followed by a big “Whaa????”
• I don’t know who this person is.
I guess I was talking about myself because below this was the following:
• OMG Do do you like the person you’ve become……wow sick Bastille reference right there
Then there were some more “I want to die"s.
This next one is by far my favorite one:
• what if I mcfreaking die right now..what the actual fuck.. so good!!!
Then there was a formula that didn’t make any sense so I probably decided it needs explanation:
• you know this is just something you are making up to distract yourself and those are not real formulas right?? If not you are a real dumbass. Actually just writing this I know you are because you are me and I am being a dumbass.
That was my grand finale, everyone.

Taking a little break from tumblr

I’ll be back in maybe a week. *politely tips hat*


aidan waite in every episode → some thing to watch over me

“It is impossible to live forever perfectly.”