i'm becoming more obsessed

  • Me: ok ok i'm not going to become obsessed with any more things that could ruin my life
  • Me, being introduced to three podcasts, seven musicals, four TV shows, nine movies, two bands and twelve books: well shit

anonymous asked:

well i'm slowly becoming more and more obsessed with dnp and i wanted to ask u if u could explain briefly the whole story of phan since the beginning considering i'm new here and i want help from my tumblr senpai jas ok bye

so somewhere during 2009 dan gets phil’s attention on twitter. a few days after dan’s 18th birthday, phil friends dan on facebook. *insert progressively more flirty tweets until autumn.* a few weeks before meeting dan, phil asks people if they see him to ask him out because he doesn’t want to be single. around this time dan breaks up with his three year girlfriend. dan uploads two videos onto danisnotonfire. dan and phil meet october 19th, 2009 (dan stays at phil’s house for a few days while phil’s parents are on holiday). about a week later they go to a youtube/halloween gathering in london. they proceed to see each other at least once every two weeks for the next year until dan goes to manchester university (which i dont get because arent train tickets a bit expensive but whatever). (also here is a full timeline of 2009 through tweets and such read at ur own risk.) phil uploads the valentines day video while dan is in india and doesn’t unprivate it. phil moves into his manchester apartment and dan can’t wait to put all his shit there. dan lives in uni dorms for the year he was at uni but spends large amounts of time at phil’s. dan drops out of uni and moves with phil to a new flat. youtube glitches and some people see the valentines day video but it’s not talked about too much. in 2012 the video is leaked again and this time it’s more stressful because lots of thing are happening in dan and phil’s lives. dans still an “internet homo/hobo” and people are invading his family’s life and they are becoming a lot more active in the youtube community events-wise. they take a trip to vegas for dan’s 21st birthday and never post a video of it like dan promise. dan and phil move to london on the whim that radio one would accept their radio show pilot. dan lashes out online a few times about the notion of phan and continuously assures the internet he likes girls. in 2013 dan and phil get their radio show and things are good. dan and charlie skies have a twitter fight over “secrets” and dans sexuality. in 2014 dan and phil introduce the danandphil shop and danandphilgames. this is a pivotal point because previously dan said he and phil were not a double act but their youtube personas have become so intertwined they make everything a joint effort. (around this time dan and phil come up with the idea of tatinof and tabinof but shh it’s a secret). in 2015 dan and phil announce tabinof and tatinof uk! then a week later jet off to japan. very overwhelming. dan claims to be phil trash #1 and a lot of other power couple things happen. they finish off the uk tour with an after party and apparently danced together but shhh the tweets saying so were deleted. immediately after the party they fly to the usa wtf. in 2016 dan and phil are pretty chill until they decide to tour america and then we don’t get videos for months but we also get little stories from the people going to tatinof usa. dan and phil wear matching outfits on dans birthday in vegas. they announce dapgo. they go on tour in australia and meet koalas. they tour some parts of europe. tatinof is officially over forever. dan and phil go to the british online creator awards and phil announces that hes spent the majority of 2016 with another person. dan howell. phil literally calls dan up to the stage twice for awards phil personally won. dan and phil won’t stop mentioning each other or getting a dog and here we are today.

anonymous asked:

I hate being a woman. I hate it so much. I'm becomming more and more obsessed with how I look, with how I want to look. I can't stop myself. It's so fucking horrible. When I was a kid, I was pretty gnc and I had no friends because I was that "weird kid" and I grew up depressed because I was lonely. Now I'm not as lonely, but I'm fucking depressed because I'm starting to care more and more what I look like. It's like I can't win. I'm so fucking jealous of men, it's not fucking fair

It isn’t fair. It sucks.

It sucks how we are told from birth on how important what we look like is. It sucks we are denied opportunities to concentrate our energy elsewhere. It sucks sucks sucks.

So let me write about how I’ve tried to fight for space to be me. Idk if it will even help, but it’s what I do for me.

1. I concentrate on strength instead of appearance. I’m short and muscular with a layer of fat over the muscle. I look perpetually pregnant because of tumors in my uterus that are getting worse as I age, but I can walk for miles, swim for miles, lift heavy weights, etc. I have literally swam from shore out to international waters and back. I have to wear men’s extra large shirts because women’s clothing, even in plus sizes, usually doesn’t accommodate my shoulders or my arm muscles. My body looks like what it looks like, but it is powerful.

2. I give my hands and my mind other things to work on. My knitting is gorgeous. I also paint, sketch, do metalwork, cook like the culinary genius I am, and so much more. Again, I focus on what I can *do* instead of what I look like. Every time I find myself looking at binders (yes, I do this when my dysphoria is bad), I start a new project. So I’ve made jewelry for fundraising for the local women’s clinic (who are trying to help me with the tumors thing). I’ve made hats and scarves and house slippers for the local coat drive. I’ve gotten a friend to go in with me on a community garden plot and raise my own veggies in the summer. I do so much that people ask me when I have time to sleep, but the thing is that I’m filling the hours I can’t sleep with better things than obsessing about my body.

3. I kinda hinted at it in #2, but I try to keep my focus turned out instead of in. What good is strength and skill if I don’t have projects for it? So bi work to make my community a better place. I help people with disabilities take their rightful place in the community. I am politically active (especially regarding healthcare and disability rights issues). I help with fundraising and work for a better life for my community.

4. I get outside and spend time in real spaces with friends. This is gonna sound hokey and like that crap advice to yoga away depression, or whatever, but I do better when I have opportunities to be outside, moving around in fresh air. The worst thing for me to do during a dysphoria episode is to just hang out on my phone. I call a friend (we support each other with our mental health issues) and we meet for dinner. If we can’t afford to eat out, we make the food. It doesn’t matter if it’s spaghetti with canned sauce and veggie meatballs from the freezer. Then we go for a walk.

5. I don’t do a lot of clothes shopping. It’s basically guaranteed to mess me up to go into a mall and try on a ton of clothes that don’t fit, so I don’t do it. I buy a few classic styles from goodwill and wear them until they practically fall off my body. I have a bunch of protest shirts, jeans, cargo shorts, that kind of thing. I have two dresses (sewn for me by the friend who goes walking with me when either of us need it) so my mom is happy when I show up for family events, even if I think I look like a gorilla in a tutu. And all of my clothes are comfortable- literally, my dresses? One of my conditions was I had to be able to wear my doc martins with them. Also, they had to have pockets and I had to be able to swing my arms in a full circle while wearing them. (Recently, I’ve been looking at the places that make dressy suits for females, but I don’t think I could afford a bespoke suit anyway, so two tunic style dresses it is.)

6. I don’t do makeup. If there’s a special event and my mom really wants me to be made up, I will go to a salon and pay the money for someone who has that skill to do it. Day to day, I just wash my face when I shower, brush my teeth, basic hygiene but no goop on my face. I run my fingers through my short hair and head out to do my day.

Mostly, it’s finding that I have value aside from my looks. That I can DO shit in this world and have an impact. And that is gold.

anonymous asked:

Every time you mention a new actor on this blog I don't understand or see the appeal and then the more you post the more I get it When first you started mentioning Jeremy Irons my first thought when I googled him was he's old enough to be my grandfather that's disgusting and now I'm slowly becoming more and more obsessed with him ( mostly his voice) and I blame you. I didn't realise I had a thing for much older men until I started reading this blog

#NotSorry. Ahaha!

There’s nothing wrong with liking older men, dear. Don’t ever feel bad about it. Life’s too short and you’re free.

The thing about Jeremy is… that even if you’re not attracted to him, you respect him as an actor you know? He has a very strong presence and beautiful voice. And he speaks his mind and he’s not scared even though people are constantly on his back. And then the more you see his films the more you fall in love with him because he’s a magnificent actor.

I guess what i’m trying to say is… just give in. Ahaha!

Besides… he’s tallllllll. As tall as Thomas.



anonymous asked:

I'm wasting my life away. I can't get rid of this bitter anger in my heart. I can't find it in me to show forgiveness or tolerance to the people who ruined me. I can't get over the bad friendships. Every little word is glued to me. I can never shake an offense off. I'm becoming more self centred and obsessed and I hate it very much. I procrastinate and fall into ridiculous obsessions. I was literally smarter & more mature two years ago. I want to be slapped out of this. I am ridiculous.

Noone “ruined” you. You are doing this to yourself. This message is so dry with empty self-pity. Self-pity you desperately need to pass for self-awareness? I can tell you something: It doesn’t work, man. Get yourself slapped out, realize that you owe to show some goddamn forgiveness to yourself first. I can sense bits of self-manipulation in this message. I can sense your desire to appear self-conscious enough & sort of turn this into a confession but damn you’re so full of shit. I can feel that you’re so full of fucking shit. Bitter and angry and human, well, human but so full of shit Idk I guess I only brought myself to reply bc “first thought—->best thought” and first thought actually was that “you could be smart”. Smart in the sense of potentially realizing and further on embodying the fact that you have the ability to not merely suffocate yourself in bitterness and overthinking but actually choose to inwardly process all that in a different way & eventually make a change. Whoever you are, don’t play this safe with some miserable nihilism eating away your brain. You’re more intelligent than that. You’re more human than that. Give me something more real than that. Give me something that truly counts. Find it for yourself. Self-accusation is the “easy way out” but it’s also not very rewarding when it comes to truly spotting what’s the root of the main problem. Leads to disorientating apathy, makes you unable to encounter what’s worth hurting for or what’s altogether meaningful for you. All this fucking angst — It’s too general, it’s going to do nothing but leave you colder and colder and damn you’re more brave than that. i’d like to think that you’re more brave than that. Whoever you are, I hope you won’t be taking this the wrong way. Your message really stimulated sth quite paradoxical in me. Stay strong.