also it just continues to Not Be The Appropriate Time to talk to my mother about stuff. hopefully all the dying’s over so like that’ll just time out in a few months i guess, but also my sister’s transitioning and both she and my older brother are having really hard times like reflecting on their terrible childhoods
so like. I really hope I can get a clear diagnosis because it might make it Real for my family. but regardless it’s just SO NOT THE TIME to be like “hey i kinda need you to completely change how you talk about the fact that i have a literal chronic illness.”
I mean I think my dad’s trying. But without a diagnosis IDK how I could impress upon them that I am sick, that it’s a normal part of my everyday life, that I would like us to just treat it like the weather. Let me say “Oh shit it’s raining today and I wanted to go to the beach” without making me feel like an asshole or telling me I just need to change my mindset.
the latest gif of chris chECKING OUT SEB you know he's thinking imma break me off a piece of that after these press interviews tonight oh ho ho ho yes i am. omg boy does not know the meaning of subtlety.
Chris both wants this press tour to never end, and
needs to be done with it already.
He wants it to go on forever because spending so much time with one of his best friends, and also with the guy he’s totally not had a crush on for years now, is pretty awesome.
He needs it to be over because he’s absolutely sure Sebastian’s going to find out about his not-crush soon if they keep this up.
He’s trying not to be too obvious. He is.
It’s not his fault that the interviewers and the fans keep asking all these questions, that Mackie keeps making so many not-quite-subtle remarks… That Sebastian’s gotten over his adorably shy and overly-deferential phase and has turned into such an asshole.
A gorgeous, funny, incredibly sweet asshole that’s also both the biggest dork in existence and the most stunning guy Chris has ever met. It should be illegal to be so… so everything.
He is trying not to be too obvious, and failing spectacularly. Chris doesn’t even need Mackie’s confirmation to be sure of this, he can see it himself whenever he rewatches that day’s interviews or listens to his own answers.
Sebby. ‘There he is! Right here, I got you!’. The way he’d involuntarily wrapped his arm tighter around Seb’s neck the moment he’d ended the hug, his body acting on instinc, chasing his warmth. The thing with the goddamn spider, honestly Chris? Why not just tell everyone exactly what you’d been fantasizing about while ogling Seb’s thighs?. And he knows that whenever he looks at Seb his eyes speak volumes.
So yes, he really needs this to be over asap.
But, because life apparently is a bitch like that, the interviewer just had to ask Sebastian that question about their quirks and mannerisms, and fucking hell.
Yes, Chris has noticed. Boy, has he noticed.
It’s pretty much impossible not to notice Sebastian’s mouth.
The way lips part slightly and he tips his head back a bit as he gathers his thoughts. The way he smirks, driving Chris completely nuts. The way he worries at his bottom lip. The way he pushes his tongue into his cheek. The way the tip of his tongue comes out to wet them, seemingly without him even realizing, and God does Chris want to suck that tongue into his own mouth and claim Seb’s bottom lip for himself until it’s shiny with spit and red and swollen, to drag his teeth across that glorious jaw, to watch those lips stretched wide around his–
“Chris?” Sebastian’s question and worried tone brings him back down to Earth.
They’re in some dressing room, waiting for Mackie and Joe’s part of the interview to be over. And Chris could’ve sworn there were more people here with them a moment ago but now they’re alone somehow and Sebastian’s sitting right next to him on the couch and he’s been staring unabashedly at his mouth for the past 5 minutes.
“Everything ok?” he asks, raising a hand to his shoulder. Touches, reassurance. Because of course he knows that those things help when Chris’ brain gets too loud. Because he’s perfect.
And Chris wants to answer, to tell him he is, indeed, ok, but then Sebastian’s doing the thing, and his brain just short-circuits.
“You’re doing it again,” he blurts before he can stop himself.
Sebastian stares confusedly at him for a few seconds, and then there’s realization in his eyes and a blush creeping up his neck. “Oh…” he says, and stops.
His blush is nothing compared to the shade of red Chris has got going on right now. “Fuck, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean–It’s ok you know? You can do it, it’s cute.”
And that right there? That’s exactly the reason why he needed this press tour to end.
Because Sebastian might’ve not realized–or minded–until now, but that? That was definitely crossing a line, and Sebastian’s not an idiot, and Chris can just feel the world crumbling beneath his feet, the panic creeping in and clutching at his heart. He needs to say something, do something, but it’s like the air has left his lungs, and as much as he wants to get up and run he can’t. fucking. move.
And then he freezes all over again, but for an entirely different reason.
Because Sebastian, wonderful and perfect and incredible, smirks, says: “Guess I like to keep my mouth busy,” and gives him a jab in the ribs.
Chris sits there speechless and gaping at him for 2 minutes. And then cracks up. And then grabs Sebastian’s left boob because that’s a thing he does and he’s not really thinking, doesn’t even realize he’s doing it until Sebastian is resting his own hand on top of his.
“You’re doing it again, too” he tells him, smiling fondly. Chris smiles back.
“Yeah well… I like to keep my hands busy,” he says, and winks at him.
And Sebastian laughs. And Chris, who’s greedy and still not thinking and who absolutely doesn’t deserve this man but still keeps asking for more, leans in.
Sebastian does too.
Trying to stop himself from staring at or even just thinking about Seb’s mouth after having tasted him proves itself to be impossible. But it’s ok, because Chris no longer needs this press tour to be over soon.
let’s collectively ignore my photo i just threw something together RQ
ANYWAY I just hit my one year mark on when I decided to dedicate a blog to my babies (◍•ᴗ•◍) I met so many amazing people and I couldn’t be happier ♥♥AND I just recently hit my second milestone of 2k followers!! I honestly didn’t think I would get a hundred followers let alone this many and ily to everyone that decided to follow my trash blog ♥♥♥ I’m still shocked ahhh so here’s my follower forever