Why am I so easy to manipulate?
No one even has to try to control me, I’m just fucking ready for it.
No fucking wonder everyone controls me, I don’t even try to stop them, hell, I’m fucking begging for it half the time.
Years of people manipulating me to be whatever they please, and I don’t even mind.
How fucked up is that?
my vice lately is pitching moana tracks down several notches and thinking of joey, so i’m back to entertaining that idea from like three years ago of him being more heavily involved in local tibetan culture while living on that mountain
he’s starting to get a little antsy now he knows about the teen titans (all these other super-powered teenagers actively going out and doing good in the world instead of only tackling what minimal trouble comes their way, how amazing), but feeling guilty about it because adeline put him here to stay safe, and he’s got a perfectly fine life keeping the peace around this mountain without having to go out and look for danger……..
Often it feels like the world is standing with its hands on your shoulders, push-push-pushing you to make decisions now now now now. Then, once you’ve made that decision (even if it didn’t feel quite right, even if you were bullied, even if you thought maybe you wanted something else, even if you were a child when you made it) you’re encouraged to stick with it forever.
If you do change your mind (about the course of your life, your relationships and family choices, your sexuality, your gender identity, your education, your career, your hobbies, your likes and dislikes, your political beliefs, your religious ones, your dietary ones, etc, etc, etc) often the change is met with derision, questioning, scorn, distress, confusion, disbelief, or dismay. “But you always wanted kids!” “But you said you were going to be a doctor!” “You’ve spent so much time on it!” “You’re just being lazy/stupid/wishy-washy/etc.” “It’s like I don’t even know you anymore!” “You just need to do _________ and you’ll be all better.”
It’s hard to steel yourself against that kind of response, even though their emotional reaction is not really about you. It’s about their ability to categorize you. People get weird when you shake up their preconceived notions. And yes, you’re probably always going to get some of it from some people. Maybe even people you love, that love you, that say they’re “worried, concerned, afraid for you.” I’m not saying it’s easy. I’m really not. I’m not saying that sometimes we end up needing to prioritize. But I am saying that it is okay to change your mind even if, at one point, you were 100% WHATEVER THING YOU WERE. It doesn’t make you a failure. It doesn’t make you a flake. It doesn’t make all the stuff you’ve been through thus far a waste of time. You don’t actually even owe anyone a single justification. Nope, you don’t.
You get this one go, you know? You’re allowed to change your mind.