i'm always gonna laugh at this

The first time Jeremy says, “I’m happy for you,” he means it. It’s during their first year of college, when Michael comes back to their dorm room early one Sunday morning still wearing the sweater and jeans he wore yesterday, dark marks dotting his neck, sheepish grin adorning his reddened face. Jeremy barks the words teasingly, begs for the more scandalous details, and high-fives Michael before they start a round of Mario Kart.

-

The second time he says those words, it’s nine months later, when Michael introduces him to Luke. He says the word jokingly, nudging Michael’s side with his elbow when Michael hisses that it’s casual, oh my god, it’s nothing serious, stop it!

But Michael’s repressing a smile when he says it, and Jeremy’s glad to see his best friend happy.

-

The third time he says the words is a long time later. After a breakup and a fling and a tumultuous short-term relationship that Jeremy could never grant his blessing to, Michael comes back from a second date with this guy he met on a dating app with a hickey and a huge grin. Jeremy’s busy working on an assignment due by midnight, so he just says the words on auto-pilot, sparing time to fist-bump Michael before he refocuses on his laptop. There’s an odd twinge in the pit of his stomach when Michael hums his way to the shower, but he ignores it in favor of cursing at his word doc.

-

The fourth time is senior year. Michael’s been going on and on about his crush in his Sound Editing class, and Jeremy gets a text during lunch saying that he’s scored a coffee date with the crush.

I’m happy for you, Jeremy texts back. Good luck!

Staring at his phone screen, his half-eaten sandwich forgotten on the table, Jeremy looks at the excited all caps texts from Michael and realizes that he doesn’t mean the words at all.

-

The fifth time hurts.

Michael is waving goodbye to Alex, his eyes soft with affection and mouth red from kissing that Jeremy pretended not to be bothered by. He turns to Jeremy with his cheeks tinted pink and Jeremy’s heart plummets at the look on his face.

“I think I love him,” Michael says.

Even though his heart breaks at the words, Jeremy doesn’t let his voice crack when he says, “I’m happy for you.”

-

The fifth time is nothing compared to the sixth.

“He asked me to marry him!” Michael shrieks, eyes bright, smelling of cinnamon and an unfamiliar cologne as he hugs Jeremy tight. Jeremy clutches Michael’s shirt and hugs him back, eyes watering as he swallows a sob.

“I’m happy for you,” he chokes out. It’s a lie. He’s been lying for a long time, now.

-

The seventh time is the product of a hundred practice runs, of hours spent repeating the same line over and over at a mirror. The words have sanded his heart down to dust until there’s nothing left but an aching empty cavity in Jeremy’s chest.

“I’m happy for you,” he lies to Michael, who’s fidgeting with his tie and his tuxedo jacket. In a few minutes, Michael will walk down the aisle, and Jeremy will stand by him as his best man.

“God, I’m so fucking nervous,” Michael says, laughing.

“You’re gonna be fine,” Jeremy says, dragging Michael’s hands away from his necktie before he ruins the perfect windsor knot.

Michael sighs, then looks at Jeremy with a small smile. “Hey man, I love you.”

“I love you too,” Jeremy says, and he means it. He’ll always mean it. It’s the only part of him that’s not a lie, these days.

Educating a Friend
  • Me: So, let's say that you're at school and you see a guy you know. I mean, you guys talk every once in a while and he's pretty cool, but you're not like friends or anything. You just talk to him every once in a while.
  • Guy Friend: What's his name?
  • Me: I don't know. Frank?
  • Guy Friend: No.
  • Me: Okay, fine. His name is Will. Okay?
  • Guy Friend: I don't think it really suits him, but okay.
  • Me: ...So anyway, you're at school during lunchtime and you see Will. So, you notice Will's not eating anything. That's when you realize that Will has no lunch, no money for lunch, and no way of getting either. He's just sitting there like he normally would. He's not acting any differently and he's not asking anyone for anything. Not money, not a fry, not even a salt packet, but you know he's gotta be hungry. So, what do you do?
  • Guy Friend: Do I have any money?
  • Me: Yeah. You have enough for you and another meal.
  • Guy Friend: Duh, I buy him lunch.
  • Me: Okay, cool. So, like you said, you buy him lunch. You buy your lunch and you buy his lunch and you go over and hand it to him. And, he says, "Wow. You know, that's really nice of you, but I wasn't gonna ask anyone for lunch. I was probably just gonna wait until I got home to eat." And, then you say--
  • Guy Friend: Nah, it's cool.
  • Me: Exactly. You say, "Nah, it's cool. I'm just being nice. It's a gift." And, Will says, "You know, that's awesome. You're really nice, bro." And, after that, you guys start hanging out. You guys are like really good buds. You are always hanging out and laughing and just having a good time. So, you guys are friends for a few months, and it's tons of fun. Then, one day, you go up to Will and you say, "Hey, Will, you know, I've been thinking, and I kinda want that five bucks."
  • Guy Friend: What five bucks?
  • Me: Hold on. I'm getting there. So, Will says, "What five bucks?" To which, you reply, "Well, we've been hanging out for a long time and it's been really fun, but like, I've done a lot of really nice things for you. Like, I'm always nice to you and I always listen and do things you wanna do, so I was thinking that because I've been so nice, you should pay me back that five bucks I spent to get your lunch right before we started really hanging out."
  • Guy Friend: What? Why would I--
  • Me: I'm not done yet. So, then Will looks kinda hurt and he says, "But I thought you were just being nice. I thought that was just a gift." So, you say, "Whether or not it was a gift, don't you think you kinda owe me that five bucks since I've been so nice to you?" And, Will says, "No. I don't think I owe you that!" And you get mad, so you say, "Well, I think that you do, so I think you're being really shitty and stuck up about this and I feel like I've been completely wronged."
  • Guy Friend: Oh, my God. That's so fucked up of me. I would never do that to Will. Will was nice. We were buds. That's way screwed.
  • Me: I know, right? Hey, just wondering, have you ever heard of this fictional place called "The Friendzone?"
  • Guy Friend: Well, yeah, but...
  • Guy Friend: ...
  • Guy Friend: ...
  • Guy Friend: oh

aph--portugay  asked:

*Hello! Would you mind giving me a brief explanation about the deal with Portuguese towels? I just want to make sure I double check my facts before I say anything about it :)

Ooooh yeah! 

Every country has a preferred joke about their neighbors. For Spain - it’s Portuguese towels. 

Okay, so the long story is that some decades ago, towels, furniture and things like that were much, much cheaper in Portugal, so people either went there expressly to buy them or bought a fuckton whenever they were in Portugal. Brought them back and gifted them to their friends and family. 

Nevermind that they didn’t dry well, from what I’ve heard. But try to tell that to your economy-obsessed mom. 

The thing got so out of hand that the “stop stealing our towels” return joke from Portugal was born, and even there were discovered cases of… entire operations of illegal trafficking of towels. *sigh* iberians

Anyway, now almost every time Portugal is mentioned, people start making Towel jokes™. Even if the towel business is not what it used to be and people mostly still buy them for the sake of the joke. But there are still some grannies that legit go to Portugal only to buy old-fashioned, terribly quality towels. Unironically. 

Anyway, some towel joke gems can be like this:
Q: are there Portuguese street gangsters?
A: Yeah, but instead of gold chains they hang towels from their neck

But mostly they are situational. You mention Portugal around and somebody always finds a way to immediately bring up towels. And you all laugh. Except that one Portuguese person that rolls their eyes and tries to murder you with their mustache. 

Oh yeah, hairy women. That’s another recurrent joke, but I don’t know where it comes from. 

7

      Bex just gave a calm smile as if she’d known this moment was coming ever since the day the Blackthorne Boys walked through the front doors—like it was inevitable that the Gallagher Girls would eventually bring at least one of them to their knees.

8

one year has passed already? wow, time flew by so fast! thank you so much for an amazing year, for constantly blowing us away with your talent, for all the good times and good laughs and for always being such sweethearts, tinkerbells love you as much as you love us! thank you and hope to be with you for a long long time! happy 1st anniversary knk ♡

anonymous asked:

Okay but Consider This: Lance....... loving himself................... and actually feeling like he's good enough.... like he really does deserve to be part of this team...... Yiss

now this is a concept i can get behind,,
imagine: Lance being happy and secure in his role as a fundamental part of Voltron. He knows no one wants him gone and that he’s an exceptional asset to the team, besides being a delight to be around, also because all of his friends keep telling him in backhanded compliments and praises. “Nice shot,” Keith calls into the comms, and Lance can feel the smile in his words as the others whoop in agreement. He grins and pumps his fist in the air, dodging another ship coming his way only to turn back and bullseye it with an ice ray. In the castle hangar, Shiro pats his shoulder amicably and says “Good job out there, Lance” to which he replies with a snarky one liner on the gist of “I kinda missed the smell of galra’s kicked butts.” Everyone laughs genuinely, and Lance is still grinning as he takes a long, hot shower, humming some indistinguishable pop song to himself under the spray.

He still misses home, but the hollowness it leaves in his ribcage is filled with weird altean game nights and the feeling of belonging to a new mismatched family. They’re doing this together, for better or worse. And when they’ll have saved the universe and come back to earth, he’ll have cool scars and amazing stories to tell. Maybe he’ll write a book and they’ll get an apartment all together, maybe he’ll be able to tell his mom that he’s fallen for an unruly boy with a mullet and a heart of gold, that they want to get a dog and adopt children. He’ll bring alien stuff to his nephews only to see their eyes light up in awe, their little faces rapt in wonder as he recounts the tale of the salvation of humanity and everything beyond. He’ll tell them that he was there, with the bravest companions he could ever desire, and they fought back to back by the skin of their teeth against a tyrant with a will as strong as steel. He’ll tell them how he saw cities crumble and raise from the ashes, a testimony of just how strenuous is the instinct in all living beings to keep fighting for good. He’ll tell them, at last, how the light will always shine brighter in the darkness, and that there is always hope for a better future.

There are a lot of things that he didn’t know at first, and even more that he still doesn’t. The road is long, and bumpy, but he’s ready to learn, and see where it takes him.

That night, as he laughs at something Hunk said, Keith entwines their fingers under the table and squeezes gently. One thing, he definitely knows. Lance squeezes back, and knows that they’ll be okay.

sunflowersandcinnamon  asked:

I was gonna wait until the end of the season, but I'm too excited now. Do we have any Season 6 updates yet?? Thanks y'all :)

!!!!

Reunited by mikkimouse (1/1 | 689 | PG13)

Stiles threw his arm over his eyes. “Oh my God. I can’t look. My first FBI mission, and I got shot. I’m the one supposed to be rescuing you!”

The words startled a short laugh out of Derek. Of course Stiles would come out here to rescue him. Of fucking course. He always did, he always had, ever since he’d been a scrawny 16-year-old jumping into the world of the supernatural with both feet, and damn the consequences to himself.

You’re Just The Last of The Real Ones by AireHaleinski (1/1  3,935 | R)

The battle against the hunters has come to the final act: will the unexpected support of two old friends help Scott Mc Call
and the gang to finally win?
Between revelations and confessions, the life in Beacon Hills has come to a turning point and nothing will be the same.
Bro-Stydia, Sterek / Marrish, mentioned Scalia and Jethan (just because in canon Jeffy had the idea of combining them together, and I had the idea of relying on the canon of 6b)
NOTICE: AT THE TIME OF THE FIC’S PUBLICATION THE 6X20 ISN’T OUT, SO SOME PARTS OF THE STORY MAY BE
CONSIDERED MEDIUM SPOILERS (NOT ALL AND NOT THE ROMANTIC PARTS)

The Perks by DarkAlpha67 (1/1 | 1,354 | R)

The scene where Kate was beating the shit out of Derek with my own twist and one major tweek.

*

“I know that you can heal from one or two shots, but a direct hit to the face? I don’t think so…”

He saw he pointer finger flirt with the trigger and a shot rang out.

“How do you like that, bitch!”

Bridal Style by milkysterek (1/1 | 741 | G)

“Oh, Fuck,” Stiles gulps and tightens his arms around Derek’s neck, “It’s going to be off my foot, isn’t it?”

Derek doesn’t know how to answer that. A toe isn’t really an important body part, in Derek’s opinion, but he has the ability to heal and has never been faced with an imminent loss of limb. Except for that time with his arm at the vet clinic but that’s irrelevant and old news and people need to stop bringing that up.

Something Close to Free by raimykeller (1/1 | 1,211 | G)

After Stiles realizes the FBI are hunting Derek, he takes a trip down to North Carolina to find him.

even if kagome hadn’t “gone off to get married” after high school, how much you wanna bet she still would have left for the feudal era?

this fandom quite often either forgets or purposely tends to ignore the fact that first and foremost inuyasha and kagome are friends. best friends

and losing a person you’ve gifted that title to is a kind of hurt that equally rivals losing a s.o.

likewise, though, you want the best for that person even if it may mean you never see them again. you acknowledge, like inuyasha has, that there are other people in their lives that would miss them aside from yourself. and like kagome, you put up with certain things your best friend does even if, personally, it may disgust or hurt you because you understand that it’s not always about yourself

those two, regardless or their current relationship status, are never gonna have that kind of connection that they do with other people. no one else is gonna teach inuyasha how to laugh and cry. and no one else is gonna change kagome’s view of the world like inuyasha has for her

those two truly were meant to meet and once they did, there was no conceivable way they’d stay separated if it was their choice

anonymous asked:

You're always saying that people are too nice to you so I'm gonna do it, im gonna be the mean anon! uuhhhh ur bad at mario kart

shes been playing for 37 hours straight and still cant beat steven

8

Tamaki Ryou as Andre  and Tybalt in the『珠城りょう 宝塚ファーストフォトブック』// 『Tamaki Ryou - Takarazuka First Photo Book』 DVD  

Life Is Strange sentence pack [EP5]
  • "Is anybody out there? Please, help!"
  • "The slightly unconscious model is often the most open and honest."
  • "Oh, Christ... look at that perfect face."
  • "Stay still!"
  • "Nobody will be surprised, or care."
  • "I wasn't lying when I said you have a gift."
  • "Goddamn, you're a fighter, though."
  • "Always take the shot."
  • "Please, I'm sorry for everything."
  • "I don't want to die like this!"
  • "Yes, you're a psychopath."
  • "Always remember that you're not alone. I've got your back, no matter what happens."
  • "You always know the right thing to do."
  • "You're smart enough to know how easy it is to hurt somebody, to destroy their life."
  • "I know you've got a good heart. I've seen it."
  • "Wouldn't it be better to lift people up than to bring them down?"
  • "After everything that's happened, this should be the least scary thing you've ever done."
  • "Eat shit and die."
  • "You are not going to stop me!"
  • "You didn't fail... you did your best."
  • "Everybody... used me."
  • "All this shit will be over soon."
  • "I hate to say I'm glad to see you, but I'm so glad to see you."
  • "Hey... be careful out there."
  • "I always wanted my life to be special... an adventure... but not without you."
  • "Holy shit, are you cereal?"
  • "Thought you could control everybody and everything, huh?"
  • "You've left a trail of death and suffering behind you."
  • "Just shut up. You're not scaring me anymore."
  • "This is reality!"
  • "That nightmare was so real, was so horrible."
  • "All I really created was just death and destruction!"
  • "This is the only way."
  • "You are my number one priority now."
  • "You are all that matters to me."
  • "I know I've been selfish, but for once, I think I should accept my fate."
  • "You made me smile and laugh like I haven't done in years."
  • "All those moment between us were real, and they'll always be ours."
  • "I'm gonna miss you so much."
  • "I'll always love you."
  • "Now get out of here, please! Do it before I freak!"
  • "Don't you forget about me."

anonymous asked:

I'm gonna be honest that the quote about Liam and the baby made me doubt a bit but your blog always helps me and reassures me. But I also like to hurt myself so I listened to the audio and if the audio came out before that quote I wouldn't have doubted for a second. Melly, Liam can barely sell it unless it's on print. I can't help laughing cause he seemed like he forgot his lines. Live interviewers are so telling

Here’s the thing! No matter how many Cherliam Lifetime Original Movie moments Team solo!Loammy have spun in the last two weeks, that’s still not going to make me and my Boobs Instincts forget the Lemony Snickett of fuckiness that occurred before that baby was born.

Let us put on our best Investigation Bras and go on a Journey of Fuckiness:

- Cherliam was announced as a Dan Wootton Hoofsclusive (February 27)

- The CheriamNews update account was created 2 full days prior to the Dan Wootton article revealing them as “secret lovers” (ohmygod i cannot type that with a straight face)

- Cheryl and Liam’s relationship immediately gets called out for being fake, because duh:

- But not before grossing everyone out by spinning a romance narrative that featured a 24 year old Cheryl and a 14 year old Loammy

- Cheryl’s 874 year long pregnancy begins, with pregnancy headlines running almost immediately, beginning in March 2016. Bump watch headlines begin in May:

- Which then leads to another Dan Wootton Hoofsclusive from a “source” that was 100% Cheryl that they were “trying” for a baby (never mind that they were dating for 10 minutes or that she was still legally married or that he was embarking on a solo career or who the fuck would announce to Dan Wootton they were “trying” for a baby in the first place ):

- Cheryl was baiting the press before she was even pregnant by wearing sack dresses one day with hand pressed to her belly, and the next wearing well tailored outfits. While all this was happening, she was also selling stories to the tabloids almost daily while simultaneously calling for her privacy. I can’t.  

- Through all of this, Loammy is only seen with Cheryl a small handful of times, having fucked off to LA for almost the entirety of her 874 year long pregnancy. To try and mitigate that, daily stories are run that seed reasons for Loammy’s absence during her pregnancy and for why Loammy won’t be present for raising that baby shortly after its born. 

- If that’s not enough fuckiness for you, there was also the fuckton of ran and solved blind items about Cherliam that were simultaneously running counter narratives.

But sure, nothing to see here, everything looks totally unsuspish and unfucky!

goddessofnerdiness  asked:

can you tell me something nice i'm sad also i hope dnp do something

dan and phil aren’t doing anything rn because they’re on holiday with phil’s family and his mum keeps asking phil and martyn when they’re gonna marry their respective partners and they’re both blushing and dan and cornelia just laugh at them and it’s Soft. also phil’s dad keeps commenting on how often dan hangs out with them like “you’re practically one of the family now” and “daniel lester does have a nice ring to it” and it makes dan so so happy because he just really likes the lesters and he’s always afraid he’s interrupting their family time but in reality they see him as an essential part of it

Imagine (nick and louis teasing harry)
  • Nick: Harold, I just really love your boyfriend.
  • Harry: Oh god here we go again.
  • Nick: I could write sonnets about his ass. No wait- You're the one doing the writing. I'll just read then. I'm told I have a beautiful voice. Hence the radio thing.
  • Harry: Don't- *glares*
  • Nick: *laughs* In fact I love him so much I'm gonna call him right now. *dials*
  • Harry: He's busy he's not gonna pick-
  • Louis: Hey Nick
  • Nick: *laughs at harry* Louis Tomlinson, do you know how much I love your ass?
  • Harry: *glares* Stop it
  • Louis: *with amusement in his voice* Oh, yeah?
  • Nick: Yeah I was just telling Harry about it, you fancy a fuck some-?
  • Harry: *gets the phone fron Nick* Hi Lou, you know how much I love you but if you don't hang up now I'm not gonna talk to you in fucking weeks.
  • Louis: *laughs* As if you can.
  • Harry: Watch me.
  • Louis: Uh-oh, bye.
  • Harry: *faces nick* You're a fucking dick, I hate you.
  • Nick: *laughs* You two are disgusting. As always, it's fun messing with you young Harold. I'm off.
  • Harry: What is this life.
there's gonna come a time when their opinion doesn't bother you anymore. keep going. you're doing great.