i'm afraid i am responsible for this

“I reserve my right to feel uncomfortable, reserve my right to be afraid. I make mistakes and I am humbled every step of the way. I want to be a better person, I wanna know the master plan. Cast your stones, cast your judgement, you don’t make me who I am”

X-Rayted

For @wtfmulder@perplexistan and @frangipanidownunder​ who so kindly encouraged me to emerge from lurking in the shadows and write this based on my 1 AM anon response to @wtfmulder​‘s ask prompt: where do Mulder and Scully get it on?. I’ve never written any X-Files fanfic before, so hopefully it’s not as awful and awkward as my brain insists on telling me it is 


“It’s a Halloween party, Scully. Not a funeral.”

Mulder is tipped back in his chair with his feet propped on the desk amongst various casefiles and his tongue working its way around a sunflower seed. His eyes rake over her black floor-length Victorian pinafore and his pouty lips twist into a teasing grin.

Scully scowls, her long puff sleeves swishing as she crosses her arms.

“For your information Mulder, this is a nearly exact replica of the dresses Marie Curie wore while conducting her groundbreaking scientific research on radiation, which led to her being the only person - male or female - to win a Nobel Prize in two different sciences, despite being denied access to higher education because she was a woman.”  

Mulder swings his legs off the desk and stands. He’s dressed head to toe in a black spandex bodysuit printed with the skeleton of the human body. Unlike the baggy pants of the early years of their partnership, this suit concealed nothing. Scully can see all of his, um, bones. Every single one. He crosses their cramped basement office to her and fingers the lacy ruffles of her high-necked smock.

“Don’t worry, Scully. I still think you look very cute.”

Scully keeps a face of neutral composure, determined not to let her quickening pulse betray her. She cocks her eyebrow and fixes her cool blue gaze upon him, giving him that look. She was already displeased at having to spend her first free Friday night in a month at the annual FBI Halloween party and his jokes are not helping.

She had barely contained her ire a few hours ago when Skinner announced that the party was now mandatory, as part of the Bureau’s new “Healthy Work/Life Balance” initiative. To be fair, Skinner was not overly thrilled with this new development either.

“If I have to go,” he’d said with an edged monotone that brooked no argument, “everyone has to go. No exceptions. I’ll see the two of you there in four hours.” He’d resignedly plopped a cowboy hat on his head with all the enthusiasm of being forced to attend a UFO convention with Mulder, “Yee haw.”

“A skeleton?” she shoots back. “Really, Mulder? How very spooky of you.”

“Not just any skeleton, Scully.” His boyish grin grows as he steps behind her to flip the light switch, plunging the office into darkness. “A glow in the dark one!”

She’s grateful for the newfound darkness that hides her begrudgingly amused smile and eye roll. The press of his hips into her backside and his sudden gravelly voice in the shell of her ear makes her heart jump and her cheeks burn.

“Wanna bone, Scully?”

Her stomach flutters in response to his offer and the closeness of his body. Licking her dry lips, she turns to face him, tilting her chin in defiance. Mulder knows this not because he can see her in the dim greenish glow of his suit, but by the warmth of her breath on the underside of his jaw.

“I dunno, Mulder,” she says in a low voice, her hand coming up to cradle his cheek. “With 206 of them, however will I choose?”

Scully brushes her thumb over the fine sandpaper of his jaw. “Should I go with the mandible?”

She can feel his Adam’s apple bob as she trails her hand down his neck, sweeping over his collarbone. “Or maybe the clavicle.”

Dragging her hands lightly down, “Sternum,” her fingertips pause over each bone as she goes. “Rib 1…2…3…4…” She can feel his heartbeat jackhammering in its cage, his chest rising shallowly because he’s forgotten how to breathe.

 “10…11…12…” Scully’s hand smooths over his waist before settling firmly on his hip. “Mulder, did you know that the pelvis has three different regions?”

Whatever breath he had left catches in his throat, his mouth too dry to make any sounds remotely resembling human language. He shakes his head in response, even though he knows she cannot see.

“The ilium.” She begins her descent over the curve of his hip. “The ischium.” Her hand sweeps up his groin to palm his barely concealed spandex bulge. “And the pubis.”

“Or perhaps,” Scully whispers, slowly sliding her hand through his quivering legs to press her fingers into his tailbone, “the coccyx.”

At her emphasis on that penultimate syllable, a strangled whimper drops from his lips.

“Hey Mulder,” Scully asks, her hand still between his legs. “You want to know the biggest difference between Marie Curie and me?”

The upward press and subsequent pause of her hand and forearm into his groin intonates that she expects a response from him. Mulder swallows hard, trying to wet his throat enough to form a coherent response.

“…uh yeah?” he asks weakly, unable to control the shaking timbre of his voice.

Reversing the path her hand traveled, trailing it back over his crotch and upward, Scully leans into Mulder’s broad chest and rests her smooth cheek against his stubbled one, her lips curving into devious smile an inch from his ear.

“Marie Curie wore underwear under her dress.”

She turns sharply on the heel of her black lace-up boots and exits the office, leaving a certain spooky skeleton speechless in the dark, bones glowing.

anonymous asked:

I have a dumb question. If I use a reference to draw does that make me a reposter? Now I'm too afraid to post my art because I just googled head placements for hugs. Am I a reposter? What do I do?

Hello, anon! Sorry for the late response. This isn’t a dumb question at all. c: It’s easy to confuse these things, so it’s totally okay to ask questions to things you don’t understand! (੭ˊᵕˋ)੭

Using references doesn’t make you a reposter at all, don’t worry! Never be afraid to use references when doing art, that’s part of the learning process. Lots of artists have used references, and still do. Be not afraid, young artist. Using references is not bad.

If you just googled photos to see how to get those danged heads to look natural when drawing a hug, then you’re good. You can use multiple references to make sure your art looks “right” to you. And when you’re done, be proud and post it! You made a thing, and that’s great, GO FOR IT!  (b ᵔ▽ᵔ)b (I should listen to my own advice rly >_>)

However, if you copied or traced over someone else’s work/photo, then that’s a whole different thing altogether. Sometimes copying or tracing helps you improve some facets of your art (tracing can help train you in making cleaner/better lineart, for one) but it can hinder the development of your own art style. Also, it is considered art theft/plagiarism/reposting if you post that, so… :c

I know it sounds confusing now that I added copying/tracing into the mix, and I’m bad at explaining, so here are some links to help you understand the differences better:

I hope my answer and those links helped you, anon! @miraculousblackout protest may be over now, but that doesn’t mean we’re stopping from trying to clear things up about this issue or trying to educate. Don’t be afraid to send an ask if you’re confused about anything else. c:

I HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY, THANK YOU FOR THE ASK! °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖° Happy drawing, anon!

anonymous asked:

I don't get why so many people obsess about Sebastian Stan. I had to unfollow like six people because ten of the people I follow would religiously reblog every single picture of Sebastian Stan. I just don't get it. He's a decent actor but no one would know who he was if it wasn't for The Winter Soldier being such a big hit. But now I feel like every person I follow worships the ground he walks on. I just don't understand.

honey…have you not seen my icon? i’ve flown from nyc to texas to meet him. i have his handwriting tattooed on my ribs. you’re, of course, entitled to your opinion, and i’m not going to judge you or argue with you because your feelings are valid, but i too am up sebastian stan’s ass. 

idk if this is for the ask game or not, but if it is i definitely don’t hate him.

send me your most hated celebrity/character

anonymous asked:

Hello! I've always wanted to try and get help from a professional but am too afraid to try. Maybe I was just imagining my depression and anxiety? Maybe it's nothing special and I'm just overreacting? It comes and goes and it drives me crazy. This is really stupid, but what should I do?

I can understand that it is very scary at first to reach out for help. Knowing what to expect can make things easier (I will link you some resources below) as well as addressing what exactly is the scariest aspect of it for you and finding a logical response for that to tell yourself to calm that fear. For example, my biggest fear was having to tell a therapist my whole trauma history. I found out that I didn’t have to do that, and didn’t have to answer any questions I don’t want to , and I told myself that repeatedly when I got anxious. 
I don’t believe you are imagining your symptoms. If they are distressing you enough to consider getting help, it is fear making you question the validity and severity of your mental illness symptoms. Fear does not get to win forever. You deserve to get help and support and to feel better. 
Having a friend hold you accountable to make/go to the appointment or even go with you and sit in the waiting room with you can definitely help you make that next step forward. You can also start your conversation by writing out what you are experiencing and your desire to get help and hand it to your regular doctor, a teacher, guidance counselor, parent or friend, that way you are talking to someone you trust more at first who can help you make the next step to getting help. 
Your fear is not stupid, it is understandable and common. However, it is a fear you can work through, face the fear and do it anyway, it may be worth it. I have faith in you that you can make the next step towards getting help. 

Getting & talking to a therapist

How to tell someone about your mental health & interactions with others

Take care,
Ari

anonymous asked:

I'm from the same church as you are. I am in need of advice. I feel like my past life is coming back in very small pieces and I'm afraid that it won't be little bits of it in time, but all of it come back. I'm trying to fight it. I've had some little victories, but I'm scared. Thanks

Thank you for sharing the concern. I appreciate the openness of people esp when it comes with pcs. of the heart. I hope is this response helps.

As we take on this concern, let me begin with God’s Word for your heart and mine. Let’s read together in 3… 2… 1…

Psalm 103 (NASB) Praise for the Lord’s Mercies.

A Psalm of David.

Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And all that is within me, bless His holy name.
2 Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And forget none of His benefits;
3 Who pardons all your iniquities,
Who heals all your diseases;
4 Who redeems your life from the pit,
Who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion;
5 Who satisfies your years with good things,
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle.

6 The Lord performs righteous deeds
And judgments for all who are oppressed.
7 He made known His ways to Moses,
His acts to the sons of Israel.
8 The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
Slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness.
9 He will not always strive with us,
Nor will He keep His anger forever.
10 He has not dealt with us according to our sins,
Nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.
11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
So great is His lovingkindness toward those who fear Him.
12 As far as the east is from the west,
So far has He removed our transgressions from us.
13 Just as a father has compassion on his children,
So the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him.
14 For He Himself knows our frame;
He is mindful that we are but dust.

15 As for man, his days are like grass;
As a flower of the field, so he flourishes.
16 When the wind has passed over it, it is no more,
And its place acknowledges it no longer.
17 But the lovingkindness of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him, and His righteousness to children’s children,
18 To those who keep His covenant
And remember His precepts to do them.

19 The Lord has established His throne in the heavens,
And His sovereignty rules over all.
20 Bless the Lord, you His angels,
Mighty in strength, who perform His word,
Obeying the voice of His word!
21 Bless the Lord, all you His hosts,
You who serve Him, doing His will.
22 Bless the Lord, all you works of His,
In all places of His dominion;
Bless the Lord, O my soul!

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You that it is by Your Light that we see sin now. Thank You for making known to us our sins and giving Your grace to us as a gift. Thank You for Your lovingkindness and compassion that never fails. Please forgive me for the times I look to myself more than I look to You. As You have given Your Word on Psalms 103, please use Your Word to remove the lies I believe and replace any doubt with the certainty we receive from Your grace and glory. In the Lord Jesus we trust and pray, Amen!

Sender and fellow disciple,

The Bible says, “ Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation, namely, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and He has committed to us the word of reconciliation. (2 Corinthians 5:17-19 NASB) Self-doubt and fears that are not aligned with God’s attribute and His work in us need to be rebuked. We need to acknowledge such thoughts and habits as sin but also as NOT HELPFUL cycles to go around with. We need to commit to stop participating in self-pity that leads us to more doubts about God’s grace in our redemption. Here are a few steps that may help the process of overcoming the fear and lie of “being the same person as I was” after receiving God’s grace:

1. Read the Gospel to yourself. A Christian needs the Gospel as much as a non-Christian needs Christ Jesus in his/her heart. God’s Word is provision for us and its work always begins with what God did for us: the Good News.

No lie and no doubt can be overcome apart from knowing and keeping the truth. Read the Bible and rely on what the Lord Jesus has done. Go to the Gospel books Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. Read about the Lord Jesus and what He has done. Go as far as reading about what His disciples witnessed and wrote in the New Testament. You can even read back to the prophecies He fulfilled in the Old Testament. Make time. Sit, read, write, and repeat.

Read the Gospel to yourself and memorize what you can :) Yes, keep God’s Word in your heart only then will there be less room and no power for lies. One of the Scripture I dearly hold on to and share is Colossians 1:19-20 NASB: For it was the Father’s good pleasure for all the fullness to dwell in Him, and through Him to reconcile all things to Himself, having made peace through the blood of His cross; through Him, I say, whether things on earth or things in heaven.

2. Replace pity with prayer. To take every thought captive to the authority of the Lord Jesus in us means praying as needed. When Satan lies to us or even simply when our own flesh or heart tempts us to believe a lie about ourselves or God’s grace, we have to pause and pray. Take that pity up the cross and leave it in the glory of the Lord Jesus’ saving grace. Pause, pray, and move forward in the presence of God from the moment you had with Him in prayer.

3. Don’t count on good works to feel good about your walk. Loved one, we’re redeemed from the lie that we can work for everything we need. If we truly believe only God can save us, then we have to live by that same truth knowing only He can make our path straight. Obedience to the Law is not equal to salvation - we have been enlightened by the Good News over this. Our salvation is a gift and only then can we obey, not the other way around.

In this time of history where Christians are “highly encouraged” to perform/show their salvation through much work, let’s first be a Mary in the presence of the Lord Jesus. See Luke 10:38-42. Christ-confidence needs CHRIST first to really be a moving, encouraging confidence.

While the to-do list can go and on, I believe these 3 steps are crucial. Any matter of the heart must be dealt with from the heart – and only God can do that.

God always graciously speaks in His Word, the Bible, and lovingly listens to us when we pause and pray. While there are many helpful steps, I encourage you to keep the Lord Jesus first and above all in terms of intimacy and wisdom. After all, He is our Lawgiver and Judge. Surely, as you spend time with God, He will bless you with enlightenment if you’re really becoming like the past or not. He will even give you His own steps as your guide for this concern. Time with God and trust in Him first then the rest follows. *hugs*

I hope this helps you, dear. Will be praying for you and excited for how the Lord Jesus will bless you with more of Him through His Word and your walk together ♥

anonymous asked:

Hello! I love your blog! If it's not too much trouble, I would like to ask for some prompts for a story I'm writing! My story is about a team of 5 investigators who are trying to solve a case of people who are disappearing from the town. During it, one guy from the team meets a guy who is a teacher at the local university, and the two of them grow closer together, putting the teacher in danger as the disappearances keep happening and the gang suspected of being responsible grows more violent.

Thank you, And it’s no trouble at all! I am here to help my followers in whatever way possible! If you ever need anything, dont be afraid to ask! 


1.”I should warn you that my job is really dangerous..” 

“I should warn you that I seriously dont care.” 


2.”Things are getting dangerous. Just being around me could be putting you at risk.”

“Is that supposed to scare me? I teach college students. Nothing scares me.” 


3.”If you are seen with me, you could get hurt.” 

“You’re worth it.” 


and depending on the relationship between the investigator and the teacher, I also offer these more light-hearted, romantic ones: 

4.”I just wanted to be nice and visit you while you were at work.. I didn’t think your students would bombard me with so many questions..”

“You should have seen that coming.” 

“I did! But I thought their questions would be about the case! I didn’t think they were gonna hound me about our relationship!” 

“They’re college students. They feed off of drama.” 


5. “Did you just… hit on me?” 

“You know. For a detective, you are extremely dense.” 


I hope these help, and I wish you luck with your story. If you have any other questions, please feel free to contact me! 

The Squad + Jade, Strip Poker
  • It’s Riley’s idea, made because they’re all crammed into Jade’s room, bored but not wanting to exit because they’re hiding from their responsibilities the ten cranky hatchlings that are stuck in the Chapterhouse.
  • The rules are to go until they’re too uncomfortable, and everyone is kind of afraid because someone (Riley) doesn’t have a sense of modesty (Also Jade).
  • The first item of clothing is Ember’s shoe, which is met with many scandalized gasps.
  • But Ember’s surprisingly good considering that she’s never played before. It’s Garret that sucks. He’s played poker, like, once. With Tristan. Who was also awful.
  • He’s the most dressed (full Order Uniform) and still bows out first after stripping everything except his boxers.
    • “No offense, but you suck at this.”
    • “Shut up, Ember.”
    • “You were wearing a hat.”
    • “I’m aware of this, Ember.”
  •  Jade is really really good, so much that everyone is slightly concerned. She refuses to tell them why except “1827 was an interesting year”.
  • Ember bows out after having to go down to bra&underpants, throws both of her socks at Riley before joining Garret on the spectator’s bed.
    • “Nice bra, Ember. I like the flowers.”
    • “Fuck off, Riley.”
    • “You and Garret behave on my bed, I’d rather not sleep on soiled sheets.”
    • Jade!
  • Wes is next after he’s left with his shirt and boxers, cuing much mockery by everyone but Jade over his modesty.
    • “Oh come on, we’re both on the losers bed with at least a bit of dignity, you can’t give up yet!”
    • “Don’t test him, he’s showered with boxers on.”
    • “Sod off, Riley.”
  • So it’s down to Jade (who’s lost her jacket and a shoe) and Riley (who lost his shoes and a sock)
  • And it is the most intense game from there, almost dead silent. Jade can play the cards better but Riley is better at bluffing. They’re both pretending to take this as a matter of personal honor.
  • In the end they’re both down to their underwear. Neither are willing to give in. Garret’s biting his lip and bright red, Ember is watching with baited breath, Wes has his face in his hands in a failed attempt to hide his snickering.
  • Riley has a perfectly straight face, hiding behind a straight flush of 9 to Queen. Jade looks confident, but he notices that she briefly chews the inside of her cheek, so she’s not too confident. Riley offers for her to concede and just lose her bra rather than the set. She glares at him.
  • So they put there hands down. Riley’s straight flush. And Jade’s royal flush.
  • Riley chucks his boxers at her and concedes.
    • “Don’t try to hide in the bathroom, Cobalt! I’m victorious, let me revel!”
    • “You’ve already taken my dignity, give me the decency of a towel.”
    • “Literally everyone in this room has seen you naked before now, mate.“
    • “Oh, fuck off.”
  • Jade refuses to give their clothes back, gathering it all into a pile, sitting on it, claiming it’s her new hoard, and saying that they’ll just have to get clothes from their rooms.
  • She actually makes them do it.
upd8 like
  • Dave: I don't want to be a hero, but I feel I've been chosen to kill Lord English. I genuinely do not want this responsibility and am afraid of combat due to my child abuse and resulting PTSD.
  • John: As the friendleader of this group and a competent fighter, I feel that I would be qualified to handle this battle with Lord English if I have all my friends behind me.
  • Davepetasprite: I'm orange and green, prophesied colors that may lead to English's doom. This symbolism, combined with Davesprite's inner depression, drives me to the final fight.
  • Vriska: im gonna fuckign wreck this green turd

anonymous asked:

Cliff, I'm in trouble and I respect you more than most any other feminist bloggers I follow, so I'm asking for your thoughts: how do I, as an abuse survivor, recognize the difference between a legitimately toxic relationship and a completely innocuous series of circumstances that triggered a complex abuse response? i.e. "is this actually poisonous or am I having an allergic reaction to something that got on it?"

I think the first thing is to try to talk it out with the other person.  If they are willing to listen and things really do change after the talk, or if they shut you down, then you have your answer.  If you’re afraid to bring it up at all, then it’s a little trickier, but I think you can sense the difference between “I’m afraid to talk to this person because I’m generally afraid to upset people” versus “I’m afraid to talk to this person because my intuition on them specifically is that they will respond badly.”

And if you can’t work things out, ultimately it may not matter what the cause is.  If a relationship keeps causing you pain, that pain is a real factor you can consider in making decisions even if it’s not anybody’s fault.  To go with your metaphor, it doesn’t matter if it’s poisonous or you’re allergic; you still don’t have to eat it.

anonymous asked:

Hi, I just wanted to say that I really look up to you, because of how open you are of posting your own pictures, and pictures of your self. They are really pretty, and that is a confidence that I am working on. I feel very anxious about posting original content on tumblr because I'm afraid of getting a negative response. Do you have any advice?

Just take a bomb selfie YOU’RE proud of (don’t think about how others will feel about it) and post it. Don’t worry about likes, reblogs, or what anyone has to say. Don’t regret being yourself and learning to appreciate you. All that matters is that you feel comfortable and like it lovely. I get negative responses all the time, but that’s their opinion and it’s none of my business. 

How another person feels about you shouldn’t have an impact on your love for yourself. You are beautiful!