i'm actually about to cry guys this was the actual best night of my life so far

stackson week: day 1

Title: Bumps in the Night

Length: 1,500+ words

Prompt‘You’re baking cookies in the communal kitchen at three in the morning and I’m angry, but also really hungry’ College AU

There’s four things Jackson has learned so far in his first semester of college:

  1. College students never sleep
  2. College students do really weird shit in the middle of the night 
  3. The walls in this place are really fucking thin. And
  4. Having the dorm next to the communal bathroom and kitchen is a living nightmare.

Keep reading

Unintended Chapter 5

5- ROOF TILES AND PIANO 

summary: Foreston Academy was the very last resort for angry, lonely Dan Howell. He never could have imagined meeting anyone like Phil Lester, and Phil never could have known that befriending his new roommate would change his life entirely.

Is there such a thing as being too forgiving?

betas: comefeedmyobsession and kaleidanscope

wc: ~5.5k THAT’S LITERALLY LONGER THAN MOST OF MY NORMAL PHANFICS WHY

warnings: bad chapter name i mean wow zelda couldn’t u think of anything better than ‘roof tiles and piano’ smh

Dan curled up against the wall, the drummers in his head banging harder and harder, the agony splitting his skull as his red eyes blurred with tears.

Maybe it would hurt less if he stopped crying. But Dan couldn’t stop crying.

Four days. That was a new record for him. One of them wasn’t even a schoolday.

He didn’t know what to do- the world around him had seemed to start imploding, wave upon wave of horrible flashbacks and thoughts and sickening fears overwhelming him until he felt his head could burst with the pain.

 

‘We’re putting Buttercup down,’ he hissed, sharp Southern accent cold and emotionless.

'Please. Father, please, no,’ Dan is on the floor before him, face screwed up and red and his knees on the cold marble floor.

'Perhaps you should learn that there will be consequences to your atrocious behaviour in the future, Daniel!’

'Please, Father! Please!’ His voice is just a choked sob now, because he is breaking- his only friend- he can’t- he wouldn’t-

'She’s not done anything!’

'But you have. And you need to learn.

Besides… I never liked that damn dog anyway.’

 

Dan saw two long black-clad legs walk past him and sit on the bed. Two minutes later they were up again. And then Phil was pacing.

Dan wondered if the sound of his desperate sobbing was annoying Phil, and started to feel sorry that he had woken him up last night to see him in this pathetic state.

'I’m sorry,’ he managed to choke out. His vision was too blurred to see legs too clearly, and his viewpoint too low to see anything above the boy’s waist, but he saw Phil stop pacing and turn to face him.

And then Phil was crouching level with him a few metres back, and Dan could see the blue shining eyes beneath the blurry splash of black that defined the top of his head.

'You should be,’ Phil said slowly, and then sighed as Dan dissolved into fresh sobs, body shaking with fear.

Phil didn’t really understand- Dan had beaten people up before- and he didn’t enjoy it as such, but it made him feel good. It was the only way he could ever get any control or respect, and commanding an audience of people as large as there was today made him feel as though he was actually of some importance- for once not clutching at loose footholds that let him slide helplessly down the cliff face when they crumbled- for once, he was not the useless one, the unimportant one, the pathetic one.

So he wasn’t sorry for that.

He also wasn’t sorry for the way he had behaved at the school. The teachers had dragged him off, and told him that he was disrespecting the long and gracious history of the school. This school is here to understand you, they had said. This school is here to help you and let you be who you truly are, they had said. But Dan didn’t want to be who he truly was. Dan despised the person he was. So he wasn’t sorry about that.

He had treated Phil like shit, he knew. He understood that the boy was a genuinely nice person, and although he wasn’t fully clear why Phil had tried to be his friend even after Dan had made it clear that they weren’t to associate, Phil had changed things the night he took Dan down to Firespot. Phil had put the idea into Dan’s mind that perhaps he could be happy with these sorts of people. Perhaps even that he could not be considered pathetic.

The following day had shown that that couldn’t be the case. And so Dan wasn’t sorry about how he had treated Phil.

Much.

He was crying now, horrific sobs crumpling his body in pain and causing him to gasp and snort and all the other vile noises that you make when you’re breaking inside, and Phil looked uncomfortable, and Dan just wished he would leave. He wished Phil hadn’t heard him last night, and he wished he had just told Phil to go back to bed, and he wished he had just kept himself where he belonged- nowhere near someone like Phil. Because now he was stuck in this confusing mess and Phil wasn’t leaving the room and yes, he was sorry that Phil had to listen to his sorrow.

But really, this situation was all Dan’s fault. Dan knew that he was wrong. Dan knew that he had acted like a dickhead. And Dan knew that he had acted irresponsibly. And most of all Dan knew he had acted cruelly. What he had done to Chris had been wholly unnecessary. Having woken up to the horror of another boy lying so close to him, he had exploded at the sight of Chris and PJ acting so intimately as he entered the canteen, and the situation had spiralled so out of control that here he was now, the school a short conversation away from ringing his parents.

And when they did that, his life would be over.

His punishments had gotten worse and worse over the years as he consistently broke the rules, but Dan genuinely couldn’t think of anything else they could take from him.

Dan had nothing else he cared about any more. And so the sickening tarry pit of fear in his stomach was not because of any of these things.

It was because he knew that when his parents found out, they really would hate him.

And for that, Dan hated himself. Dan had hated himself for quite a long time now.

'Dan.’

Dan owed it to Phil to reply, so he choked back his next sob with an ugly squeak and, still staring down at the carpet, replied, ‘I’m sorry, Phil. I’m so sorry.’

'So, what’s happening?’ Phil asked awkwardly. Dan could see that Phil was still furiously angry. But it was like he was programmed to be almost unbearably nice and kind, and so just couldn’t let Dan sob his heart out without at least trying to do something. Which used to infuriate Dan. Now it just made him realise even more how horrible and useless a human he was. ‘Are you going to get excluded?’

'What makes you assume that?’

'You seem devastated. And from what I’ve seen of you so far, you wouldn’t be this cut up about hurting Chris.’ There was an awkward pause as Phil watched Dan dissolve back into self-loathing. 'I’m sorry. That was harsh.’

Phil’s voice was wooden and Dan just looked away.

'I do care,’ he whispered.

'I know you do,’ Phil replied gently, and they both knew that he was lying. 'Do you want a tea?’

Dan twisted around so he was looking up at Phil angrily. ‘Alot of fucking good a tea is gonna do me right now!’ He shouted, voice cracking on the words.

'I was just trying to be nice!’ Phil almost-shouted back, 'I don’t have to do anything for you! I shouldn’t even be speaking to you, after what you did to one of my best friends!’

'Then don’t!’

For a second it looked like Phil was going to storm out again, but something in his expression changed and he stopped still, every muscle tensed up. ‘Why are you like this, Dan?’

Dan clawed his way up the wall so he was face-to-face with Phil, their noses inches apart. ‘Why am I like what?’ He spat.

Phil didn’t answer, simply glaring hard at Dan, Adam’s Apple bobbing in his throat, and Dan could see every little imperfection on his face and every colour in his eyes- turns out they were not completely sky-blue as he had thought, but rather an ocean of different colours that swam around with expression and emotion, lit bright from behind by all the care that Phil put into everything and everyone, and the passion with which he stared back into Dan’s eyes now.

'You don’t understand anything,’ Dan hissed. 'You’ve had such an easy life. You’ve gone to one school, you’ve had friends and classes and you’ve behaved and you had parents that gave a shit about you and-‘

He choked off and looked away, glaring down at his feet, furious at himself for giving Phil so much of himself, before quickly treading as hard as he was able on Phil’s foot and running out of the room as fast as possible.

***

 

'Mate, don’t worry about me. I’m Northern. Made of some tough stuff!’

'I’m from up north aswell!’ laughed Phil, 'but I wouldn’t be overly chuffed with a broken leg!’

'Well, I’m not saying I’m happy about it,’ Chris said, rolling his eyes,'but y'know, it’s not actually broken…and it’s quite soothing in here after having to share a room with Peej snoring his head off!’

'Oi! Watch it! You may be an invalid but it doesn’t mean I can’t hurt you!’

'Ooh, I’d like to see you try!’

PJ raised his eyebrows. ‘Make me.’

'God guys,’ Phil moaned, 'do you want me to leave you to it!?’

'Mmm, please,’ giggled Chris as his painkillers came into effect and his head dropped onto the pillow, 'you might not wanna be here when Chris and I,’ he yawned, eyes screwed up with sudden tiredness, 'get frisky!’

'I might go back anyway,’ Phil said, turning to PJ (who was making gagging motions in response to Chris’ comment) as Chris drifted off, 'time’s ticking on.’

'I think I’ll stay in the hospital wing a little longer with him,’ PJ replied, nodding. 'You seen Dan?’ Phil nodded affirmation, 'he deserves to get kicked out for this. Actually, he should be getting police attention. He’s insane.’

'He’s screwed up, Peej.’

'What do you mean?’

'I think his life’s been a mess. I keep getting little hints off him before he clams up. Something… There’s something wrong.’

'A tragic history may explain a crime but it doesn’t excuse it.’

'Where did you get that pearl of wisdom from?’

'Dunno. Can you stick a cup under that leak when you leave? The rain’s getting in. Would have thought the hospital wing would have slightly better roofing, if I’m honest.’

 

Phil turned round quickly as he left, and he could have sworn that PJ was holding Chris’ sleeping hand.

 

***

 

It was raining outside and Dan was just in a black tshirt and jeans. Atleast his dark attire would mean he was less likely to be spotted outside out-of-hours, he thought.

Not that he could really get into much more trouble than he was already in.

His hair was already plastered to his head, rain running down his face in icy rivulets and merging with his stinging hot tears.

He reached up to brush away the water in his eyes but his arm was just as wet as the rest of him and the gesture was pointless and he was trembling with cold and fear and his mouth was dry and his head was splitting in half and half again.

By the time he reached the clearing in the trees that contained the dead embers of Monday’s bonfire, he didn’t realise that his feet had taken him all the way to Firespot.

His clothes were all plastered to his body and his hair drooped pathetically over his face.

As he approached the edge of the clearing again, he automatically gravitated towards the spot he had sat with Phil only two nights ago, curling up on the sodden wood and breathing in the smell of the rain and the damp leaves and mud and tree bark.

 

***

 

When Phil reached his happy place, he almost jumped out of his skin.

There was somebody there already.

 

After leaving the hospital wing Phil had realised he wasn’t ready to go back to the room, so after borrowing PJ’s waterproof mac and cuddling up in it, he had headed outside into the building storm.

Now his fingers were numb with cold and his face spattered with rain, but he felt calmer and less confined. He had been looking forward to arriving at his beloved Firespot and being able to sit down, completely alone with his own thoughts, to mull over how he felt about everything.

And yet, there was somebody there.

Phil crept over, feet squelching in the mud, and realised before he got to him that curled up on the seat was the defeated figure of Dan. Of course it was. Of course it was.

Phil walked away from the place that made him happiest.

Just at that moment, he couldn’t deal with it all.



***

‘Dude you’ve been playing the piano for over an hour and it’s now 3am so I just came to tell you to shut the fuck up.’

Dan spun round to see Chris limp out of the shadows behind him, face and hair partially veiled in blackness.

‘How did you even hear me?’

‘The hospital wing is directly above the music suites, and seeing as my leg is in fucking agony, it may not surprise you to know I’ve had some difficulty sleeping. Basically, the dorms are at the other side of the building, but the hospital wing is conveniently placed over here. Peej is still asleep because he’s a heavy sleeper. Also… I’m not sure how many loons frequently play music at such obscene hours in the morning.’

Dan looked away, trying to hold back the tears. Of course it would be Chris to come and find him. Of all of the hundreds of pupils in this school, of course it had to be Chris.

‘What the fuck is going on with you?’ Chris approached him slowly, carefully, as though he was a bomb that could explode any second. Dan guessed after all that was exactly what he was. A thing to be feared. Unpredicatble, uncontrollable, and hated by everyone.

He didn’t wipe the salty tears away quick enough for Chris not to see.

‘How long have you been like this?’

‘Like what?’ Dan’s hands were still resting on the cold ivory keys- the one single place he felt he was capable of expressing himself.

‘Like…’ Chris waved his arms around as he tried to articulate his thoughts, ‘Like… Well, so… Hating everybody… The people who want to give a damn about you…

‘So… Stupid…’

This angered Dan. ‘Stupid? What the fuck is that supposed to mean? How am I stupid?’ Dan had no redeeming qualities- he knew that- he was a fuck-up in every way, a by-product, good at nothing… But he was sure that he wasn’t stupid. Intelligent- not overly. But not an idiot. After all, he was able to see his own flaws- wasn’t that a thing that made you smart?

‘Yeah, you’re stupid. You’re a goddamn idiot, Dan. Phil… And Peej, and even me, we wanted to help you. We decided to be your friend, and you were a wanker. And then guess what? Phil still took you down to Firespot, and you did it again. Infact, then you decided to out-do yourself. Really,’ he guestured down at his crippled form, and Dan wondered how much he hurt. Probably not as much as Dan himself. ‘You’re stupid because you think David’s crew are where you belong. You’re stupid because you think they actually give a shit about you-’

‘No.’

‘What do you mean, no?’

‘I mean, no. You’re wrong. David and his gang don’t give a shit about me, and I do know that. Nobody gives a shit about me. You have to understand. I accept that. If I wasn’t me, I would hate me too. No, no, I do hate me.’

‘Oh shut up with your self-pitying crap, Dan,’ if Chris had been less exhausted and in agony and if Dan hadn’t been the reason for both of those things, perhaps Chris would have been gentler. But Chris was a good person, and he was pissed off with Dan. ‘We tried. Phil tried so fucking hard. And you still think we didn’t give a shit about you?’

‘You don’t after what I did,’ sighed Dan, staring at his hands, still resting on the piano keys.

‘That wasn’t the question!’ Chris flared up, voice an angry loud-whisper. ‘You’re making all of this about self-pity! If you had stopped being such a wuss, you could have just told those guys to shove off. And then you wouldn’t be in this state!’

‘But I couldn’t. I didn’t. You’re right- I am pathetic.’

Chris allowed himself just a second to howl into his hand in frustration. The darkness in the room filled out between them.

Dan broke the silence that followed with a soft, sad note on the piano, followed by another, followed by another. As he begun to spin the threads of a melody, he looked up at Chris, who slowly nodded his head in silence.

Soon, Chris was sucked in by a gentle, soothing flow of music, the notes swirling around him and taking over all of his anger and frustration, letting it leak out like a poison as he sunk into the tune.

‘What’s that?’ Chris asked when he finished, letting out a deep breath he didn’t know he had been holding in.

‘Uh, it’s called “Dearly Beloved”, from the game Kingdom Hearts? It was kinda like a shittier version of Final Fantasy. But the music was good.’

‘Mhm,’ Chris said, nodding his head as he he looked over at Dan slowly. ‘You’re not okay, are you?’

Dan stared down at they piano, and a glistening tear fell onto one of the keys.

‘I’m going to get Phil. You need to talk to him.’

Dan leapt up and grabbed Chris’ arm. ‘No! Please, no! He hates me.’

Chris rolled his eyes. ‘We both have reason to hate you, dude. And I’m helping you.’

Dan’s voice was low and confused. ‘Why?’

‘Because you need help.’

‘I don’t.’ His voice was now almost inaudible.

‘You’re a mess. And it’s not me you need.I know you need Phil. I can see it every time you look at him.’

As Chris started to stride towards the door of the music suite, Dan dropped onto his knees, eyes once again filling with tears.

***

‘Dan?’ Phil’s voice was soft over the sound of the breeze and the night and the shushing of the stars, because that’s what the silvery night does- it make you feel like you need to be quiet. ‘Dan? Are you up here?’

Phil looked around, head filling with hundreds of panicky situations and reasons why he could fall to his death any moment, and his feet were rooted to the spot, slate tiles slanted scarily beneath him and reflecting the moon’s silver with the rain of the night, his feet six floors further off the ground than he would have liked them to be.

And then at the other side of the sloped roof, Phil saw the silhouette of a boy stretched languidly out under the stars, hair being played with by the wind and skin being tickled by the moonlight.

Phil closed his eyes and took a deep breath, placing one foot forward and then when he felt safe enough, another.

Chris had followed Dan up here. He had said the boy needed Phil.

After everything, was Phil willing to give up his time for this boy? Certainly not his life, right?

Of course he was. Dan needed his help. And who would Phil be if he denied his help to someone?

And then the moon drifted slowly behind a grey cloud.

The darkness was all-consuming, and so was the absolute fear that gripped at Phil’s heart.

The sole of his shoe didn’t have enough grip to hold him in place as his arms flailed and black hair flashed in the wind, and he let out an earsplitting scream as he slid backwards across the tiles-

‘I’ve got you- I’ve got you! It’s okay. Shhh, Phil, Phil, I’m so sorry, I’m sorry, I’m-

Phil’s breathing was rapid and horrified and brain haywire as he started to grasp the fact that he had almost fallen to his death.

His eyes travelled up the one outstretched arm that was holding him stable on the slippery slate tiles, past his forearm, still in PJ’s rented raincoat, his pale trembling arm, clasped in another-

‘Give me your other hand,’ Dan whispered to him, ‘I can’t hold you up for much longer.’

Numbly, head still mostly uncomprehending, Phil pressed his hand into Dan’s freezing cold one, and slowly, the two of them started to steady themselves on the roof.

Phil was trembling all over. He hated heights as it was, and his near-fall had completely shaken him up. He didn’t want to be here. With Dan, who didn’t care about anyone-

Dan; who had saved his life.

‘Don’t thank me or anything,’ Dan whispered, after realising that Phil was much to scared to release his unrelenting grasp on Dan’s hands, ‘It’s my own idiot fault that you’re up here in the first place, I, I, I almost killed you.’

Phil still didn’t say anything.

‘This is all my fault. All you wanted to do was help me. Chris explained. I mean, I guess I knew that, really. I’m not that stupid. I think.’ He paused, cocking a head on one side, as though wondering just how much Phil was listening. Admittedly, the answer was not much. ‘But please, Phil. I don’t know if I can… Be normal. But we like the same music and books and food and oh my god, Firespot, and I don’t know, I just, I know I don’t deserve it, and you can say no and, I just, could you… Give me a second chance? I mean, I know I don’t deserve it, I know, and… Yeah…’

Fleetingly, the thought crossed Phil’s mind how easy it would be to shut Dan up by pressing his own warm lips to Dan’s, to hold his cheeks, flushed with the cold night air, and to let go of his hands just to tangle them in his dark hair.

When Phil caught himself, he had to take in a deep breath of the cold September air.

Delirious with fear… Shock… Gratitude… Or something. Right?

‘Are you okay just to walk down here a little?’ Dan asked, motioning with his head (Phil still had his hands tightly clasped in his own) towards Dan’s spot a little further down the roof. It wasn’t far, but… Dan wanted Phil with him.

If he was going to do this, he was going to do it here. Dan didn’t know why, but the cold roof and the dark damp night air and the isolation of the height calmed Dan. For some reason, Dan was able to think up here.

He had found the way up onto the roof completely by accident. After Chris had left the music room, Dan had realised he needed to flee before he came back with Phil, and so he had run as far and as madly as he was able in the opposite direction from the dorms.

The corridor that lead to the stairs that lead to another corridor which lead to a tiny hidden doorway which lead to the balcony which lead to the roof was clearly not meant to be found by students, so Dan had known he wouldn’t be disturbed.

He hadn’t counted on Chris following him.

But for some reason, when Dan had seen Phil stumble out onto the roof, things had become clearer in his head; he knew that he had to stay at Foreston; he knew that he had to stay with Phil, with Chris, with the ‘misfits’ of Firespot. For the first time, Dan realised that it might not be a terribly bad thing to not fit in perfectly. In fact, he wondered if trying to fit in was where he had been going wrong all along.

And so he had resolved himself to tell Phil. Tell Phil everything, if he wanted to hear it.

And Phil was here, and now they were sat with their legs hanging over the edge of the roof, hands intertwined and hair blowing lightly in the breeze, and Phil’s blue eyes fixed on his own brown ones, and Dan tried as hard as he could.

‘I’m not going to ever try and excuse anything I do,’ He said as he watched Phil’s and his own legs swing back and forwards together in time, the dark gardens of the school far below their feet, ‘But you said you wanted to know what was wrong. And… I guess I was terrified of making my parents hate me. Well, I mean, I think they already do, but…’

For a second it looked like Phil was about to interrupt, so Dan looked up at him in earnest, begging the midnight-haired boy not to stop him.

‘I’m kinda just in the way all the time. Like, I don’t have any siblings or anything, and I never had any friends round either, unless my mum tried to force me. But I wasn’t all that good at making friends… I don’t know, it all sounds so stupid! I’m just a dickhead, I just-’

‘Dan,’ Phil’s hand gently squeezed his own and then he let go, wrapping his arm around Dan’s waist.

Automatically, Dan leant into him.

‘Have I done too much to be forgiven?’

‘I don’t know. You sprained Chris’ leg. Or something, I’m not sure. He’s not gonna be able to walk properly for a few weeks, so he’s not best pleased, I’ll give you that. I just… I want to like you, Dan. A lot of the time, I do. I want this to not be you, to not be your fault…’

‘But it is.’

‘But it is.’

Dan pressed his face hard into his hands before scraping his fingers back over his scalp and through his tangled, windswept hair.

‘Please don’t hate me,’

‘I don’t hate you, Dan!’ For some reason, Phil looked genuinely shocked, even a little angry, ‘We’re going around in circles here! If I hated you, would I be here? I want you to be you, the real Dan that I know is inside there, the one that sings his lungs out to Muse, and the one that wants to be a good person and do something with his life, and the one that runs across a steep wet roof because he thinks his friend is going to fall off-’

‘Anyone would have done that.’

‘No they wouldn’t.’

‘I don’t deserve another chance.’

‘If you keep saying that, I am going to get so annoyed that I might just swandive off this roof of my own accord.’ Phil growled in reply.

The rain had stopped by then but the night was still thick with the memory of it; the roof tiles slick and shiny and the leaves on the trees heavy and dripping and Dan’s hair damp and curling.

And the night’s storm had left its legacy on the morning with the thick black clouds that filled the sky, the heavy silent night pressing down all around them, not uncomfortably so, but overwhelmingly, deafeningly silent. The blackness was oppressing and inky, torn apart only by the golden glow of streetlights far away towards the road, and the tiny pinpricks of light that dotted the Foreston gardens.

It was now that hour where everything is dead: infact, it was no longer even night, but the miserable time of morning where the only people that were awake in England were the ones sailing their lorries down the motorway in the black, eyes drooping and misty with lack of sleep and radio station turned up loud with garish club remixes to try and keep them awake. Back at Foreston, Dan talked. He spoke in a low voice that barely even classified as a whisper, his tone raw and his speech filled with constant pauses to take rasping breaths. He tried to keep those breaths as quiet as possible, as so not to break the thick darkness around them, and he started to tell Phil everything.

He even told Phil about how he had been expelled from his previous two schools- the posh, private boarding schools that had thrown him out after he got too out of control. The threat his dad made to him the night before he left for Foreston Academy- if he got expelled again, he would be sent off to a behavioural camp.

Dan told Phil how his father was always true to his word.

Phil had a raincoat on, dark and crinkly and shiny with wet, and Dan pressed his side into it, the material transferring all the rainwater straight onto his jumper, causing him to shiver as it soaked right through. Dan had been drenched earlier in the night after his stupid venture into the woods, but he had seized the oppurtunity to dry himself off and change when he noticed the room was empty.

But he didn’t regret cuddling up to Phil, because as he continued to talk, and the black-haired boy listened in perfect silence, he felt a hand tentatively wind itself in his.

And when Dan looked up into Phil’s face, the boy gave him a look as if to say ‘Is this okay?’

And Dan tried to give him a look back that adequately conveyed the message, ‘yes, yes. All the yes’s in the world, yes.’

 

Eventually, Dan’s story was over, and he was overwhelmed with a guilt and embarrassment for having talked solely about himself for so long. But Phil gave his hand a comforting squeeze.

Dan placed his hand on the cool tile beside him to steady himself, and almost overbalanced as it slipped in a puddle.

Phil caught him in under one arm, eyes wide.

And so, for some strange reason that Dan couldn’t quite comprehend, but which filled his heart with warmth and hope nonetheless, Phil sat there on the edge of the roof with him for the rest of the night as Dan told him all about his pitiful life and shortcomings and failings, and then Phil told Dan about his dreams and aspirations, and Dan slowly started to unfurl, telling Phil more and more about himself, until he finally reached the point where he felt the boy knew him better than anyone else ever had.

And when they sat there in silence to watch the sun rise, Dan put his head on Phil’s lap not because he was cold, but simply because he wanted to listen to the slow beat of his heart, and melt into the soft comfort of his enveloping arms.

6. headphone sharing - masterpost

 

Meeting Fall Out Boy: Emma’s POV

This is going to be such a long post I’M SO SORRY.

The Meet and Greet and Fall Out Boy concert parts are the most important, so read those if you’re lazy like me and don’t want to read it all. 

Anyways. 

The Prep

I went a little crazy prepping this stupid thing, but it’s okay.

Pretty much, I filled a Younger Blood tote bag with our silhouettes on it (also known as the vanity bag) full of stuff. We had butterscotch candies for Patrick, Ring Pops for Pete, salted almonds for Andy, and Yoda bubbles for Joe. I also included a letter explaining the YRBC and also low-key asking Patrick to be Elton John in a beautifully illustrated envelope thanks to Kelley, a DVD of all of the videos we’ve made so far, and a little business card with our contact info. We also threw the plastic severed hand in there because A) We don’t need it anymore and B) We thought it was funny. 

Bag Contents: 

External image
External image
External image

My outfit, because that’s relevant. The shirt says “Professional Pete Wentz Impersonator”:

External image

The Waiting

So Kelley, Marissa, and I get to the venue at noon. We get our tickets at will call and we camp out in line with the 10 people that are already there. We basically hang out with a bunch of other emos for three hours. We also met thanks-pete while we were waiting, so that was awesome!

At about 3:00, Marissa and I left Kelley sadly and went to the box office for VIP stuff. While we were there, they started sound checking Light ‘Em Up and I screamed. I’m ashamed. Okay, maybe only a little ashamed. 

Marissa and I waiting:

External image

So Marissa and I get our VIP lanyards okay. The VIP guy said I was the only one without a weird ass name, so that was good I guess? Then we wait in a line inside of the gate in the sun for another hour I swear, then we finally march down to backstage. This is when stuff gets real.

The Meet and Greet

THIS IS WHEN I START LOSING MY SHIZ REALIZING WHAT IS GOING ON.

We’re about 30 people back in line and as soon as I see the backdrop for the photo op, I begin to panic. Then all of the sudden, by the backdrop I see this girl who looks like Meagan Camper carrying a baby. Turns out I was not mistaken, because a girl behind me was like, “Is that Meagan Camper???” AND Meagan herself posted an Instagram of Utah afterwards so turns out I saw Meagan Camper and Saint. So that was wild. 

My view of the backdrop: 

External image

So Joe’s the first one to come out, and I’m just like THAT’S JOSPEH TROHMAN IN REAL LIFE RIGHT THERE??? Then Patrick comes out and waves, then Pete. Andy came out after the first few people took pictures, so that was sad for them. :( But at one point, Pete peeks out from behind the backdrop and I wave at him AND HE FREAKING WAVES BACK AT ME. I thought I was maybe hallucinating, but the girl behind me was like, “I’m going to pretend that wave was for me.” SO Pete Wentz waved at me nbd. 

It’s finally our turn, and we just round the corner and just tHERE THEY ARE. Fall Out Boy in real life just standing there. It was surreal. They are about the same height as me, so I didn’t really notice them being extremely short. 

So mild backstory for context: Lauren met them the night before in Colorado, and in short, Pete recognized a screenshot from The Phoenix that Lauren gave them and said he thinks he’s seen some of our videos. So they knew about us, but maybe hadn’t seen everything. You can read her story here.

So they say “Hey!” And the first thing we say is “You met our friend yesterday, we’re the girls the recreate The Young Blood Chronicles!” while we vaguely gesture at our impersonator shirts. Pete and Patrick go, “Oh yeah!” So we hand Pete the bag of stuff we made them and we just kind of casually mention that there’s a DVD and a severed hand in there. Pete hands it to Andy who hands it to a security guy, so the point is, the bag of stuff is in their possession. 

Marissa’s wearing the demon glasses on her head and she starts explaining to Patrick that it’s what we use for the demon eyes because we have no budget. Patrick laughs and says, “We didn’t really have a budget either!” And we say “Oh, that’s what Andrew was telling us!” (We totally name dropped the director of the original YBC because we have no shame.) So we ask if we can take a picture with them being scared of Marissa in the demon glasses. I didn’t really know where to stand so I kind of move to the end where Andy is, and Andy says “No, I think you should be in the middle!” So I awkwardly get in front of Pete and we start acting scared of Marissa. Patrick was making these scared noises IT WAS SO CUTE. 

Anyways, for our second picture we just asked if we could do a group hug, and they’re like “Sure!” So I wrap my arms around Marissa AND THEN I FEEL PETE WENTZ HUGGING ME FROM BEHIND AND I ALMOST LOST MY MIND. 

So we said thank you and we left. And that was that. It was short, but they vaguely know we exist, they have a bag full of YRBC stuff, and there is a picture of us with Fall Out Boy somewhere in this desolate world. It was incredible. 

The Aftermath

So we leave the meet and greet and we have like half an hour or so to just wait for the rest of VIP to get their pictures and the doors to open. So I go and buy the classiest FOB shirt from the merch table I can possibly find and we sit in the grass and chill with some other crying people who have just met Fall Out Boy. 

My classy shirt:

External image

They finally scan our tickets and I just grab Marissa’s hand and we BOOK IT to the pit. We got up right against the barricade only slightly left of the exact middle so we scored. Marissa and I tried to take up as much space as possible until they opened the doors for everyone else and Kelley came and joined us. 

While we were waiting for the opening acts, we just chilled with the security guards who were constantly filling up people’s water, which was super nice and something I’ve never seen at a concert before. They told us it was easier to carry water than passed out people, so I could see why they were doing that. 

We totally make friends with this one security guard because Kelley kept asking questions like, “Not that we’re planning on doing anything, but what do you do if people smoke or crowd surf or throw stuff on stage?”

We took a selfie with him: 

External image

Wiz and Co.

So the music starts, and D.J. Drama, whoever that is, plays Death Valley and The Fourth of July, so we’re just kind of singing like crazy. Then Max shows up, which was rad! He’s honestly really hot, not going to lie. 

External image

Then Hoodie comes out, and I knew absolutely zero of his music, but I actually really liked his first song? The rest was okay, but I was just constantly thinking “What straight white boy nonsense is this???” But he was talented, so that was cool.

External image

Then Wiz comes out. I was actually really surprised when the first couple of songs were pretty classy! Then he starts smoking and making vaguely sexual gestures and there were giant inflatable bongs and it just wasn’t really our jam. 

Here’s Wiz:

External image

It was funny because Wiz would be like, “Who’s ready to get high tonight???” and we were all like “Not us!” So Kelley played Temple Run and I was just laughing about how comical the whole situation was. 

External image

The funniest part was probably when Wiz was like, “Y’all staying hydrated?” and then continued to throw the water from his water bottle all over us. We were horrified. Kelley finally yelled “I got Wized on!” and Marissa and I died laughing.

But we lived through it! It was long, but definitely not bad. 

External image

Fall Out Boy At Last

So then Fall Out Boy happens. And there’s honestly not a ton I can even say to embody the experience.

The best part was we had a TON of interaction with the band while they were on stage. Joe and Pete were kind of far away from us on the sides but there were SO MANY times where I’d wave at Patrick and he’d smile at me. It just about killed me. There was also a moment when all three of us started waving at Andy and he totally smiled and nodded at us while he was drumming. I just about died. 

Joe’s backup vocals were killer. Patrick’s voice was INCREDIBLE live. Andy is so talented and such a sweetheart. And when Pete came into the audience during Saturday, we were right there. We were all stabilizing his legs and I touched his hand at one point. It was magical tbh.

This is all of the video that I got at the concert. Watching that is going to best encompass the experience.

It felt too short, but it was hands down the best concert of my life. 

Here are some of my favorite pictures:

External image
External image
External image
External image
External image
External image
External image

The Aftermath Part 2

In summary, Fall Out Boy is vaguely aware of who we are and what we’re doing. They have a bag full of YRBC stuff in their possession. I hugged Pete Wentz and touched his hand during Saturday. Patrick and Andy kept smiling at me during the show. Fall Out Boy finally feel like real people to me now. And it will be marked down as one of the best nights of my life. 

The end.