i'm a good girl in tears

someone: oh my god were you CRYING???

me, not even 4 minutes after a full on breakdown: 

Why does nobody talk about the fact that not only John lost Mary and suffers, Sherlock lost his girl too. One of the few people he loved, protected and cared about not just because she was John’s wife, but because she was Sherlock’s friend and supporter. And she died saving his life, he feels this responsibility more than anyone yet he allows John to beat him up, to blame him and hate on him for this. Don’t ever tell me Sherlock is heartless and isn’t a good friend because he just lost one of the closest people to him and tries to protect the other friend he has from the pain he himself feels and is going through.

2

Exterminate the titans?! What a pain in the ass! Who’d volunteer to do that?! In fact, I think humanity’s the problem! We should just let the titans destroy mankind! Guess that makes me humanity’s enemy! Understand?! The worst, most despicable girl in history!

I may be humanity’s enemy, but I’m your friend, Eren. I can’t be a good girl…and I don’t want to be a god. But…when I see someone crying, saying no one needs them, I want to tell them…It’s not true.

chrysalis

pansy’s never identified with the golden girl.

her fuck-ups aren’t life-changing. she doesn’t learn anything important from them. she has insecurities that she’d much rather ignore than overcome.

no one takes her seriously.

she isn’t good at doing the right thing. she’s afraid of the word helpless. she’ll never forget how intensely fear lurches, sweats, sucker-punches and sea-sick sways. she can’t. she doesn’t get to. she’s not the hero. her tear ducts are salt flats, and she doesn’t mean it when she cries.

she’s the mean girl, the sidekick, the one whose uncertainties are louder than her nightmares.

but if she loves you.

if she loves you.

if she loves you, she’ll bleed herself dry. she’ll fight battles she can’t win. she’ll lie to keep you safe. she’ll chase and she’ll comfort and she’ll cauterize. she’ll need you until you need her to stop.

she’s raw.

not rotten.


2

The fact that they actually got married is just

So alien to me, in a good way.

Like I still can’t believe I’ve witnessed this. An endgame lesbian marriage between two girls who went to hell and back together and it’s just… So refreshing ? So satisfying ? And so surreal, so strange. I keep thinking about it and I don’t know why but I just want to cry at how unreal this is to me. I don’t even know. It’s just good. And kind of out of this world. I don’t know.

Hussie you will never read this but anyway: thanks, man. This is the fullest I’ve felt in years.

I was tagged by @reinventlou, @darlingholdon, @sunshineloueeh and @soulmatesandfate to list 10 songs I’ve been listening to lately. Thank you for tagging me. ✨

1. Galantis - Firebird

2. Lana Del Rey - Love

3. Steve Aoki & Louis Tomlinson - Just Hold On (DVBBS remix)

4. Ed Sheeran - Galway Girl

5. Martin Garrix & Dua Lipa - Scared To Be Lonely

6. Ed Sheeran - Save Myself

7. Steve Aoki - Delirious (Boneless) (feat. Kid Ink)

8. Ed Sheeran - Supermarket Flowers

9. Matt Simons - Tear It Up

10. Little Mix - Down & Dirty

Ahh there have been a lot of these on my dash so I’m not sure who has already done this but I’ll tag @gallifaerie and @lionheartnking! 🎶

instagram

Josh Klinghoffer / Wild World / Oslo 2016

Now that I’ve lost everything to you
You say you wanna start something new
And it’s breakin’ my heart you’re leavin’
Baby, I’m grievin’
But if you wanna leave, take good care
I hope you have a lot of nice things to wear
But then a lot of nice things turn bad out there

Oh, baby, baby, it’s a wild world
It’s hard to get by just upon a smile
Oh, baby, baby, it’s a wild world
I’ll always remember you like a child, girl…  

Did you really think there was anything you could put in this window to keep me from helping you?
—  Lucas Friar, Girl Meets Rucas Is Fucking Alive
I don’t take walks as much as I’d like to. My stomach always hurts and I don’t write poems anymore. I have a recurring dream in which my father breaks the neck of every pigeon in the park. I help: a good daughter. I snatch them from the air & tear out the feathers. Bloody. In the stories, there was a king named Adam & he spit on the ground. No one calls me foreign but I know that’s what they mean. In the stories, girls like me sweat out the fevers, drop the dirty guns in the trash chute. We rip the rabbit’s heart right out of its fucking chest. All that skin and blood under our fingernails. I keep thinking about pyres, about ash. I keep thinking about stories. About history, or his story, or her story, or my story. They’re all the same story really.  Someone always ends up holding something mangled.