i'll write you

“I should hate you,” she states simply. “And it’s sad. It’s sad that I don’t.”

He doesn’t reply so she continues.

“What I do hate, though, is the fact that you made me think I knew who I was. But I don’t. Not really. I knew who you wanted me to be so I tried to be her. But I’m not her, and I don’t know who I am.” She scoffs lightly.

“I never wanted you to be a certain way, El.”

This makes her scoff again. “Sure you didn’t, Jay. I gotta go.”

“Yeah.. See ya later, El.”

She shakes her head. “No. You won’t.”

—  Adrian D Epps
i fall for beautiful minds. the people who create a universe inside of them with stars shimmering in their eyes. those who crave for success and continue to stand up after being continuously put down. i fall for people who believe that there’s good in this fucked up world. someone who is able to think with abstract thoughts and create art with passion.

i fall for people with a soft heart. someone who can remind me every morning to have a good day. a person who can sit down with me as we discuss our hopes and dreams while drinking a cup of tea. i fall for people who are willing to climb mountains for fun, regardless of its difficulties. a human who would enjoy gazing up at the night sky; the moon shining down on us as we hold each other tight. my head rested on their chest, the rhythm of their heartbeat match my breathing as our souls intertwine.

—  i want to be loved. || excerpt from a book i’ll never write #2
Don’t compare yourself to those with picture perfect lives; they aren’t the norm, you are. You, with your pain. You, with your eating alone. You, with your outlandish interests. You, with your different clothes. You, who think you stick out, who feel like you’ll never fit in, like everyone is busy being happy because they are normal, cookie cutter lives fit for a social media world. No, no, no. You aren’t normal, and that’s okay. Because you are different , you have a chance to be a force of change.
—  cookies ( @prolixen )

heavy breathes.  hi it’s your local star-lord™,  who is very close to his next 100,  apparently.

’ hey , how are you? ’ he said moving to sit next to her against the locker. she looked over at him with big glossy eyes and sighed. she wanted to stand up and tell him that he destroyed every part of her when he left. she wanted to explain in the 5 days since he left she had barely slept 12 hours, she wanted to scream about how she hasn’t been able to keep food down. she wanted to tell him everyone kept asking where he was and that she burst into tears trying to explain that he didn’t want to be around her anymore. she wanted to say that her heart shatters everytime she sees him with her. she wanted to tell him that she wished he’d show up at her door with a cherry-less chocolate shake like he always did whenever it got so bad she hurt herself. she wanted to call him at 2pm when she couldn’t breathe because she was crying so much, and have his voice calm her down. she wanted to say that she’s kissed the bottom of so many bottles and nothing can take away the taste of him. she wanted him to know that he was the best damned thing that happened to her, and the worse thing at the same time. she wanted him to know that he killed her. but instead, with tears streaming down her face she simply said ‘I’ll be fine’
—  everything Ive been dying to tell you (a.j)

Okay, hi all. So I started a continuation of Late night Sparring. This is a little all over the place, but bear with me. 

So, I just didn’t really have it in me to write out this whole fight scene but basically, Obi-Wan and Maul start practice fighting, but it’s all very safe and choreographed. So Maul gets frustrated and insists that Obi-Wan actually fight him. Which is like not a great idea because Obi-Wan is a Jedi master and Maul is very out of practice. But Obi-Wan agrees, and they fight, and surprise surprise Obi-Wan pretty easily knocks Maul down. And its real great because Maul is now laying on the floor and Obi-Wan has his practice saber gently at his throat and I’m sure they just both have a massive boner about it tbh. At which point they forget fuck all about sparring and start making out………

Obi-Wan could feel the warm energies drifting off Maul, the whole room a little bit hazy with the feeling. He could ask Maul for anything right now, and he’d probably say yes. It was rare that Maul was so unreserved, so free of anxiety or fear. Still, Obi-Wan moved slowly, sinking himself down onto the floor to get to Maul’s level first before he shifted his body on top of him.  Their chests pressed close enough to one another that Obi-Wan could feel Maul’s double hearts beat against his skin.

Obi-Wan waited, letting his weight settle on top of Maul, ready to ease up if he felt Maul’s panic rise. Normally Maul’s body would feel so stiff and tightly coiled under his touch, but not this time. Everything about him felt soft and pliant, almost submissive. His body still warm from the exercise, his mind still buzzing with leftover adrenaline.

Obi-Wan pushed his head nearer to Maul’s, just barely brushing against his face with the tip of his nose and the edge of his bangs as they fell out of place.

Even now he would wait. The trust he and Maul had built over the years was still something very fragile, and Obi-Wan wouldn’t do anything to risk it.

After a few more moments of waiting, Maul tilted back his head, exposing his neck to Obi-Wan. Enthusiastic as consent could be expected from Maul, but Obi-Wan was happy to accept the invitation. Obi-Wan brought his mouth down onto Maul’s neck, finding the soft spots around his throat and working his way up and under his chin, eventually bringing their mouths closer together.

Here Obi-Wan took this time as well, letting his lips brush near Maul’s, but not over them. The appeal of kissing was something that still eluded Maul, and Obi-Wan had mostly stopped trying to convince him otherwise. Unless Obi-Wan was in the mood to come away with a bloody lip, it was something that had never ended very well.

But if there was ever a time to try, Obi-Wan figured it was now.

Obi-Wan hovered his lips above Mauls, slightly parted and breathing warm air onto his face. He would never mind waiting, it meant infinitely more to him that Maul wanted whatever he was offering than any short lived gratification that could be gained through force. But he didn’t have to wait very long this time, soon Maul opened his mouth to Obi-Wan, allowing him to move down on him and bring them together in a gentle kiss.  

It was strange, if exciting, to feel how receptive Maul was to his kisses now. Letting Obi-Wan move and push their mouths together with almost no opposition. Even as he kissed him harder and longer, Maul made no move to resist.   

Obi-Wan’s mind had become well attuned to Maul’s agitation in the Force, though his reflexes couldn’t always keep up. Not too long ago Obi-Wan had quite the collection of scratches and bites, the end result of Maul having had enough and Obi-Wan’s inability to retreat in time. One kiss with particularly bad timing had ended with Maul accidently biting through his lip and an awkward walk to the infirmary afterwards.   

So, as much as Obi-Wan was enjoying this, he knew from past experiences that there was a time limit for how long Maul would let him have his way. How long Maul could stay still like this, lightly pinned and at the mercy of his kisses. Right now his psychic energy continued to radiate only pleasure and contentment, but without a change, Obi-Wan had no doubt his anxiety would start to build.   

Obi-Wan kissed him harder, starting a slow rhythm with the rest of his body. Pushing his hips down onto Maul’s, the movement timed with each deep kiss. The motion bringing Maul back into the moment, stopping his thoughts from slipping into worry.   

Obi-Wan could feel the vibrations in Maul’s throat as a low almost inaudible growl built. But not the one that warned of imminent distress. Instead, Obi-Wan could hear where the growling was giving way to a moan. A few more moments of unrelenting kisses and Obi-Wan was sure of it, though whatever noises Maul was now trying to make were muffled from Obi-Wan’s mouth on top of his.

Finally Obi-Wan pulled back, satisfied by Maul’s slightly desperate gasp, taking in air as though he hadn’t had a real breath since they’d started. Obi-Wan rolled off him a little, making sure that he wasn’t putting undue pressure on his chest while he collected his breath. It gave him the distance to actually look at Maul again, his eyes were closed and he was breathing hard. It dawned on Obi-Wan that he had pushed Maul much further than he’d intended. What Obi-Wan had planned on being simple stolen kisses seemed to have gone a bit off track…

Obi-Wan moved himself back next to Maul, pressing their foreheads together and speaking softly.

“You’ve been so good for me tonight, Maul.” Obi-Wan put one hand around the back of Maul’s head to keep them together, his fingers rubbing small circles on the skin between his horns.   

Maul’s eyes flickered open, a bit unfocused, his breath still coming a little ragged. Obi-Wan thought it was a wonderful look, and one he rarely got to see.  

Okay and so then, (I had so many plans but you’re getting the condensed version for right now I’m sorry), Obi-Wan gives him a pretty grade-A blow jo. 

And just, oh man, this whole other part where Maul starts dissociating and freaking out b/c he’s still traumatized and thinks he has to sexualy gratify Obi-Wan in return. And just a lot of Obi-Wan having to calm him down and reminding him that he never has to do anything like that if doesn’t want to and that he doesn’t expect anything in return and would never force him to do anything. And it’s all real sad. 

The end?      

‘Isn’t it lonely without him?’

'It’s like the stars forgot to come out one night and instead I was left in the dark, wondering what I could do to make them come back.’

—  j.f // but they were too far away to listen to my tears • excerpts of stories I will never write
I miss you. I miss all of you. I miss the pointless conversations from dawn to dusk. I miss the good morning and good night texts. I miss talking all day, everyday and never getting sick of you. I miss you showing how much you wanted me. I miss our budding relationship and the little signs that were showed before we fell into love with each other. I can’t say anything else besides that I miss you. Dearly.
—  Ag