i'll say that to my girlfriend now

Having finally had enough, Amanda breaks up with Steve (I don’t know where exactly, maybe at the mall or out in front of the school ((somewhere with a lot of people watching))) and he’s kind of ‘whatever’ about the whole break up, but she ignores him and walks away with her head held high. However she still dated the guy for two years and she’s upset so she’s also fighting tears the entire way, and the moment she gets around the corner she runs right into Sam.

And he’s like “I saw what happened. You okay?”

And she’s like “I’m fine… Can you drive me home?”

And Sam freezes because he doesn’t own a car, his dad certainly isn’t going to buy him one, and seriously he doesn’t exactly make a lot of money selling drugs in this small town, but she’s upset and he wants to be there so he’s like “Yeah, about that, I can give you a ride home. But I don’t exactly own a car.”

And she’s like “Well, what do you have?”

And he shows her his bike, the same bike he’s had since he’s been about 12, and she’s just standing there, staring at it, for way too long, but she also knows she can’t exactly face Steve or the rest of the school/mall right now. So, she sighs and says, “Fine, but I get to peddle.”

“I want you, believe me”, he pleads with his eyes.

She takes a deep breath, gathering all her thoughts. This would be the last time she would look him in the eyes and be this close to him. The last time.

“I believe you but it doesn’t matter anymore. I have waited months for you to tell me that, hoped every night for you to say those words to me. I’ve waited so long and it’s too late now. I don’t want you anymore, I don’t need you anymore. You took too long to figure out what you really want and it’s too late now. I’m sorry.”

With those words she turns around and leaves, closing yet another chapter of her life.

—  e.s. // it’s too late.
The signs as shit Karamatsu says:
  • aries: *chokes back tears* FIGHT ME, DAMN IT!!
  • taurus: A potted plant is no good... Then I have no choice but to go bare-foot... My feet will be sore halfway there. My poor feet.
  • gemini: *rips off shirt* The gears of love have begun to turn!
  • cancer: NON NON NON~
  • leo: I'll just say this... Now that you're dating me, you're not gonna get away with being just rental girlfriend.
  • virgo: There is no point in love if you have to compromise.
  • libra: (to mom) Madam, I do believe it's almost snack time...
  • scorpio: No matter what I do, I hurt people. I'm a sinful man. A Guilt Guy™.
  • sagittarius: (to police officer) Where can I find a flower that's about to wilt around here?
  • capricorn: HEH. I want to ... better myself ... HEH. I want to ... give people dreams. HEH ..... World peace.
  • aquarius: You won't find rust in a place like that. The only thing that's rusty is my heart.
  • pisces: I'm crazy too! It's dangerous to leave me alone!.. MOMMY!
asagao characters as john mulaney quotes
  • Hana: I am very small and I have no money, so you can imagine the kind of stress that I am under.
  • Mai: I don’t have to guess what’s wrong, she comes in the room and she’s like, "My stomach hurts!" and then we can move on from there.
  • PBG: I don't want to be doing what I'm doing either.
  • Jon: I’m really sorry about last night, it’s just that I’m mean and loud. It probably will happen again.
  • Jared: The more you do stuff, the better you get at dealing with how you still fail at it a lot of the time.
  • Satch: Hi, I'm very gay and I'd like a few dollars.
  • Paul: And I know now that I'm definitely never gonna be president. Not unless everybody gets real cool about a bunch of stuff really quickly.
  • Nick: I just listen to everything she says, because before I had a girlfriend, I never had someone who's always standing next to me who can point out obvious things that are happening.
  • Josh: They're like, "Does that work?" I'm like, "It didn't NOT work."
  • Jirard: My vibe is more like, "Hey, you could pour soup in my lap and I'll probably apologize to you."
  • Shane: Anyone who’s seen my dick and met my parents has to die. I can’t have them running around.
  • Ian: I'll keep all my emotions right here, and then one day, I'll die.
  • Luke: You know, for years scientists have wondered: can you make grown men and women weep tears of joy by playing Tom Jones's "It's Not Unusual"?
  • Caddy: Okay, let's go over there and destroy the place.
  • Jeff: By 2029, I'll be drinking moon juice with President Jonathan Taylor Thomas.
  • Wallid: I thank you for laughing, because no one did that day.
  • Jimmy: In terms of instant relief, canceling plans is like heroin.
  • Mimi: Because eighth graders will make fun of you, but in an accurate way.
  • Kakusu: You asked if I brushed my teeth, but I never specified that I did so tonight. If the court reporter reads back my remarks you will see I did not purger myself.
  • Creeps: I went outside as much as Powder from the movie Powder. My children are not going to be playing on grass, they will be up in their rooms playing violent video games and catfishing pedophiles.
  • Shizuka: And I would always think to myself, "How could another person kill someone?" And then I got cheated on, and I was like, "Oh, okay."
Roll for Seduction (Part 2)

Our dragonborn ranger uses grog of whimsy to summon charmed cleric out of the sea. Our drow sorceress then attempts to seduce the cleric so she doesn’t jump back in the water. She succeeded 17 to 12.

DM: you are now doubly seduced. You’re like, “This one speaks my language!”

Cleric: She speaks in a way I understand.

Sorceress: I speak body language.

DM: “…and this one has the right number of limbs!”

The aboleth jumped aboard to reclaim its “girlfriend,” so everyone started discussing how to dispatch it.

Cleric: Maybe someone else seduces it.

DM: *joking* Everyone seducing it—eventually it joins the party.

When the monk finally killed it, it looked kind of mournfully at the cleric before it died.

Cleric: Oh my goodness, I feel sort of bad now.

Ranger: It was going to take you away to make you its tentacle hentai queen! Don’t feel bad!

I’m now realizing that shit happens and things don’t always work out the way we hope. But it still works out. Maybe even better than the plans we had before.

mespirited  asked:

ChikaRiko!

*slams hands down on the table* OTP
AND I’M GONNA TELL YOU WHY

Let’s start with Chika wanting so desperately to shine. She’s in high school, she has yet to find her calling in life, to find something she cares a lot about, and suddenly BAM school idols color her world! Enter Riko, who she describes as a “miracle.” A literal miracle. And when Riko talks about how she used to be so passionate about the piano, Chika is amazed. She’s always been dreaming of having what Riko just lost. And you know what? That sucks. So of course she prompts Riko to be an idol. Yes, partially it’s for her own sake, but also because she wants Riko to fall in love with music again? Why else would she suggest Yume no Tobira as the first song Riko should hear? They both need to open the door to their dreams: Chika is about to find hers for the first time, while Riko needs to unlock the old door that one day shut in her face so coldly. When Chika reaches across the balcony to touch Riko’s hand, I swear an actual spark lit between them. (If nothing else, one lit up in my heart.)  THEY BUILD EACH OTHER UP!!! SO SUPPORTIVE!!!

They spend a ton of time together, working together, getting closer. They learn about each other, and they let their walls down in front of each other! Chika finally breaks down and sobs in Riko’s arms because she feels safe there. Riko literally CONFESSES HER LOVE TO CHIKA WHILE HOLDING HER HANDS IN FRONT OF THE SUNRISE???????? Iconic. Legendary. Canon.

Some people think Riko “stole Chika” but she’s so selfless, honestly. Chika had to literally tell her to go perform piano when it conflicted with the live. She had to convince her to follow her dreams. Riko felt so guilty about it anyway that she got everyone MATCHING SCRUNCHIES. Riko and Chika called each other while they were apart and that’s so sweet? Long-distance girlfriends? Nice.

Riko is trying so hard to overcome her depression, and Chika was just as much of a “miracle” for her as the other way around.

UM this doesn’t even begin to cover my thoughts on ChikaRiko but I’m going to stop here for now and just say that I love them forever byE

I’ve been in love with you for a year,” she admits.

“Over a year, actually, but you’ve never noticed because you never pay me any attention.”

He opens his mouth to say something, but she puts a finger up to stop him.

“I’ve always just been your girl friend you come to when you need sympathy. Not your girlfriend, but your friend that’s a girl, in case you needed clarification. I deserve so, so much better, but all I want is you.”

His mouth practically hangs open.

“Close your mouth honey, you’ll attract flies,” she says simply, then carries on.

“If you’ve ever even had a whisper of a thought about me cross your mind, please share it now. Because otherwise, I think I have to stay away from you. Loving you is destroying me.

—  loving you is destroying me.
  • Blaise: Ooh, Draco. Studying with your girlfriend?
  • Draco: She's not my girlfriend.
  • Blaise: I don't know. I think I see a spark. (bops Hermione's nose) Boop!
  • Hermione: Please don't do that.
  • Draco: [under his breathe] Yeah, that'll help.
  • Blaise: Aw, she doesn't like to be touched. Well, maybe, I'll do this.
  • (Hermione grabs Blaise's arm and twists it, Blaise falls on the table)
  • Hermione: Now, say your body is composed entirely of snot.
  • Blaise: (sobbing in pain) My body is composed entirely of snot.
  • Hermione: (to Draco) Anything you'd like to add?
  • Draco: I'm good.
  • (Hermione lets go of Blaise and he walks off still in pain)

earthly-vigor  asked:

I need some advice. I've fallen in love. The hardest part is I know I need to swallow my pride as not only is he leaving to go overseas for 3/4 months, but it's clear he's still in love with his ex of 4 years. It gives me a bit of anxiety as we get on so well and he comes over often, I see him at uni, I see him at work. He kisses me and calls me "my love" but I know that I'll never be his 'girlfriend'. I'm wondering how to go about this situation so I don't end up breaking my own heart.

I’m dealing with a hard breakup right now, I’m absolutely crushed. I’ve been throwing myself at other guys who don’t appreciate me, I’ve been talking to new people who don’t love nor appreciate me like he did. But I’m doing it because I want somebody to stop this pain from hurting so badly. It’s like I’m looking for him in everyone I meet.

I guess what I’m trying to say is….

Don’t get caught up in the crossfire of somebody else’s hurt, don’t be the person who gets used to help mend somebody else. I think you should talk to him, if you really think he’s not over her, then he probably isn’t. Break your own heart instead of waiting for him to do so.

The 2Ps as Karamatsu quotes B)
  • 2P!America: *chokes back tears* FIGHT ME, DAMMIT!!
  • 2P!China: I'll just say this... Now that you're dating me, you're not gonna get away with being just a rental girlfriend.
  • 2P!England: (to mom) Madam, I do believe it's almost snack time...
  • 2P!France: You won't find rust in a place like that. The only thing that's rusty is my heart.
  • 2P!Russia: HEH. I want to... better myself... HEH. I want to... give people dreams. HEH... World peace.
  • 2P!Italy: YaDDAAAAaAaAaAaaA...!! eh? EH? The preview's already started? you're kidding... ahem. Hmph, sorry about that, ~Karamatsu girls~ I let myself go a little bit, just a little bit.
  • 2P!Germany: No matter what I do, I hurt people. I'm a sinful man. A Guilt Guy™.
  • 2P!Japan: There is no point in love if you have to compromise.
  • 2P!Canada: (to police officer) Where can I find a flower that's about to wilt around here?
  • 2P!Romano: *rips off shirt* The gears of love have begun to turn!
  • 2P!Austria: ~NON NON NON JYUSHIMATSU~
  • 2P!Prussia: I-I'm crazy too! It's dangerous to leave me alone! ...MOMMY!
8

Every CEGF song ever
I’m a Good Person

“I’m a good person all over the place.
I cum my good right into your face.
Everybody says I’m one good ass chick
And if you don’t think so you can lick
My balls. Which, again, are filled with good.”

Ludo Lyric Starters
  • You're awful, I love you...
  • I know she drains me slowly.
  • Oh love me dead.
  • And I will gladly pass it on to you.
  • I'd give up anything, anything for you.
  • I'd do absolutely anything for you.
  • I'm a killer, cold and wrathful.
  • I've been inside your bedroom.
  • I'll fill the graveyards until I have you.
  • I'll tell it like it happened.
  • It was the kind of night that makes you think the whole world's goin' to hell.
  • That's how it happened, why would I lie?
  • Lord knows you've got more than enough.
  • I think I just lost my mind.
  • You can't beat the heat that beats in my blood.
  • You can't keep a good man down.
  • You've been known to obsess over the future.
  • Every saint has a past, every sinner has a future.
  • Now you're gone, and I'm lost.
  • Tell me, why can't you stay?
  • I'm starving for words that would ration my sadness away.
  • You must be new, I guess at least, you're new to me.
  • I'd say you've got a pretty good chance...to be my girlfriend.
  • I'm a go-getter guy with a gun on my hip.
  • Faith in their God, that's all that they've got.
  • The whole world is churning, bleeding and burning.
  • Oh I'm just a man, my time has come.
  • I'll come back for you, love, I promise to.
  • Please save this for me.
  • I'll be gone by first light.
And some day, maybe years from now, I hope I get a letter from you. It will be addressed with your new house number where you live with your girlfriend, soon to be fiance. In that letter, you’ll say the only thing you regret is never telling me you really loved me, you were just too young to understand what it meant. Maybe then I’ll finally feel like I haven’t been wasting all of my fucking time chasing my dreams of you and I.
—  I’m hopeless (excerpt from a book I’ll never write #21)
Too Many Jokes
  • Girlfriend: What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
  • Boyfriend: What?
  • Girlfriend: Nothing they just waved
  • Boyfriend: Lmbo ur such a dork
  • Girlfriend: Do you sea what I did there?
  • Boyfriend: ...
  • Girlfriend: Seriously... Do you?
  • Boyfriend: Yes...
  • Girlfriend: Are you shore?
  • Boyfriend: ...
  • Girlfriend: No need to be a beach
  • Boyfriend: ...
  • Girlfriend: Water you saying?
  • Boyfriend: Ur one more joke closer to being single
  • Girlfriend: Shell I stop then?
  • Boyfriend: Thats it! Im done!
  • Girlfriend: Ok I guess I'll go krill myself now
  • Girlfriend: I just tide
  • Girlfriend: Noo :/ I fish you would come back </3
  • Girlfriend: I won't sand any more messages
  • Girlfriend: Or at least my responses won't be as pacific
  • Girlfriend: Whale, I guess you're not coming back
  • Girlfriend: Anyway, water you up to?
  • Girlfriend: Im just tiding up the place
  • Girlfriend: Damn you
  • Girlfriend: Sorry, thats what one river said to the other
  • Girlfriend: Im going to make you walk the plankton
  • Girlfriend: Are you tide of these jokes? Cause I understand that after a whale they get annoying. I think its on purpose tho
  • Girlfriend: What did one volcano say to the other?
  • Girlfriend: I lava you :)
A brief summary of each season of Supernatural
  • Season 1:
  • Sam- I want to be normal but my girlfriend just died so I guess I'll help Dean
  • Dean- we need to find dad
  • Season 2:
  • Sam- I'm a psychic
  • Dean- SAM, DAD
  • Season 3:
  • Sam- I need to save Dean from his deal
  • Dean- lol I made a deal and now I only have a year to live
  • Season 4:
  • Sam- I'm high off demon blood and need to kill Lilith
  • Dean- woah angels are real
  • Season 5:
  • Sam- oh no I let Satan out of his cage
  • Dean- should I say yes to Michael?
  • Castiel- I rebelled for Dean
  • Season 6:
  • Sam- I'm soulless
  • Dean- we gotta kill Eve and make Sammy better
  • Cas- I'm working with Crowley to kill Raphael
  • Season 7:
  • Sam- SATAN
  • Dean- DICK
  • Cas- I was God for like five seconds then I died and came back, now I'm mentally unstable
  • Season 8:
  • Sam- we gotta close the gates of hell and my hair is super majestic
  • Dean- I need Cas. Also what happened in purgatory stays in purgatory
  • Cas- Naomi is controlling me but I won't kill Dean
  • Season 9:
  • Sam- I'm possessed by an Angel but idk about it
  • Dean- I got the mark of Cain and need to kill Abaddon and Metatron
  • Cas- I'm human now and all the angels got cast out of heaven
  • Season 10:
  • Sam-gotta get the mark of Cain off Dean
  • Dean- lol I'm a demon
  • Cas- deannnnnnn. Also I need to get my grace back
  • Season 11 (so far):
  • Sam- RESEARCH
  • Dean- Amara is tryna smash but I only want Cas
  • Cas- I'm possessed by Satan
Hawkmoth always has a dramatic speech to say about anything every time he finds someone to akumatize
  • Some random person: *sighs* my girlfriend thinks I'm not good enough in bed.
  • Hawkmoth: Ah, yes. I'll help u be a 10 instead of a 4. No one will judge ur dick ever again. Your name is now 'Anal God' help me and I'll help u fam.
  • Person: um. I think I'm ok now thanks.