i'll only get burned oh no

American knowledge of the States, as known by an American
  • Alabama: everyone knows us best for being the most difficult about desegregation
  • Alaska: the biggest state and the most ignored-essentially Canada
  • Arizona: hot hot hot dry as hell ha ha ha this is hell
  • Arkansas: Little Rock Nine- also, we are not an extension of Kansas, like at all
  • California: LA, San Francisco, the most chill hippy liberals you'll ever meet mixed in with warring druglords, the richest people in the nation, homeless people sleeping on the sidewalk, and a flamboyant gay night scene
  • Colorado: we legalized weed and now ppl won't shut up about it
  • Connecticut: the c is silent asshole
  • Delaware: Delawhere?
  • Florida: old people, alligators, and an interesting blend of liberals and conservatives shooting swamp monsters
  • Georgia: somehow we're more racist than Alabama
  • Hawaii: lol school, what school
  • Idaho: fuck off and don't make fun of my name- also, potatoes
  • Illinois: stop illinoying me, haha- there's nothing here
  • Indiana: HOOSIER COLLEGE BASKETBALL, home of the angry religious road signs
  • Iowa: you fly over us sometimes when you're visiting California
  • Kansas: Wizard of Oz and the Westboro Baptist Church
  • Kentucky: yeah yeah go on, make your jokes about chicken but let's see you resist it bitch
  • Louisiana: parlez-vous français,salope now enjoy our fucking crawfish
  • Maine: lobsters and commercials about our famed lobster
  • Maryland: the most liberal conservatives you will ever meet
  • Massachusetts: boston tea party, boston massacre, we don't pronounce our r's and that's all anyone remembers
  • Michigan: we hate Ohio and most of us work for Ford, General Motors Or Chrysler
  • Minnesota: we're like Canadians but American
  • Mississippi: it takes like five different songs to remember how to spell our name
  • Missouri: our name sounds like misery because that's what it is to live here
  • Montana: montana, mountain, geh it?
  • Nebraska: half of our state is like Children of the Corn but with less activity
  • Nevada: Las Vegas and nothing else, literally nothing
  • New Hampshire: taxes are for communists
  • New Jersey: we're shaped like a dollar sign, also new york city is totally ours don't believe what anyone says
  • New Mexico: every one of us has seen a UFO and Spanglish is our official language
  • New York: we have more than one city you know
  • North Carolina: biscuists, sweet tea, south carolina is just a knockoff of us
  • North Dakota: lawnmower races, lol jackets are for the weak, "how are things" "eh, not so bad."
  • Ohio: shut up about Glee and we're not fucking iowa, cheap beer, and fuck CNN
  • Oklahoma: We can and will deep-fry anything we want, just try and stop us
  • Oregon: the Oregon trail game.
  • Pennsylvania: ya want some pop? also, i just hit a deer with my car, wanna come over for dinner, we have deer meat
  • Rhode Island: size don't matter, this is the best state, and you probably only know us cuz of family guy but whatever
  • South Carolina: Praise Jesus! shrimp, grits, and conservatives, and Southern hospit- wait, what the fuck did you just say about North Carolina?
  • South Dakota: we're below another Dakota
  • Tennessee: nashville is fun to say and that dumb pickup line, oh my god, i get it, you're the only ten-i-see, fuck off and shove the bible right up your
  • Texas: trip onto my lawn and I'll blow your head off and it's my god-given right as an american goddamnit burn a flag and i'll be shovin' it up your yuppie ass later
  • Utah: Mormons and that little smudge on the map that's a lake
  • Vermont: skiing and the NRA loves using us as a misrepresented statistic
  • Virginia: the confederacy didn't win the war, but we sure as hell didn't lose it *burns textbook
  • Washington: it rains. and sometimes twilight fans come to brood.
  • West Virginia: we split off from Virginia and we thought we were cool but now no one notices us- NOTICE US VIRGINIA
  • Wisconsin: cheese is a valid form of US currency shut up
  • Wyoming: we're not all gay cowboys
7

KAI EVENT

  • see Kai on my way to Aichi’s house
  • invite him along using the weenie-deflection skills taught by Miwa
  • scripted fight vs Kai with ambiguous outcome
  • Kai tries a sick burn?? ?
  • KAI BRIBES ME WITH CARDS SO I’LL GO HOME AND LEAVE HIM ALONE WITH AICHI

you think i am making this up. i am not.

how fitting that the only bonding you get with Kai is enabling him bonding with Aichi

translations in the captions

AUs I came up with probably at 1 in the morning

Most of them probably done before but who cares read them again

- “I’m a radio DJ and you keep calling to suggest all these songs who are you you’re music is fantastic” AU

- Princess Bride AU (Everyone watch this if you haven’t please)

- Ghost hunters AU

- “I’m a really famous person and you don’t recognize who I am and I’m vaguely pissed off with you” AU 

- Skulduggery Pleasant AU (practically no one will get this but it’s here go read the books now)

- “Are you sure you want that tattooed there?” AU

- “I so didn’t break into your apartment just to pet your cat please don’t call the cops” AU

- “We’re the only ones in Denny’s at three in the morning why did you order five plates of eggs” AU

- “You started insulting my favorite character in the middle of this bookstore I will punch you in the teeth take it back” AU

- “We got stuck babysitting this kid together oh my god do you know how to get it to stop crying” AU

- “I burn everything I try to cook what the hell I didn’t know you could cook please help me” AU