i'll never stop missing him

Sometimes I still get these urges to contact you.
It feels like pure desperation…  Like my skin is crawling and my eyes are burning and I just want you back in my life so badly….
And I don’t know why? Where these sudden urges come from?
Why do I still do this, even after all this time?!
It’s like I'm getting out, I'm almost clear…. and then suddenly I feel like I would do absolutely anything just to have you back in my life again.
Even for a single moment…. Just to see you, talk to you - ANYTHING!
It’s like I don’t WANT to be out, I still want to be in love with you because in my mind, loving you equates to happiness and I just want that back… just for one second.
But I have to remind myself it’s not healthy. 
Loving you is not like it used to be - it's not real anymore.
It’s not happy, it’s not positive…. and it’s gone and I can’t go back.
All I can do is put the phone down, blink back the tears … and keep moving forward.
—  Ranata Suzuki
part of me is mad that i wrote you into my stories. because i can no longer read them without falling in love, and breaking my heart at the same time. but part of me is so glad i did. because it reminds of how beautiful our love was, even if it destroyed me.
—  i still miss you
He never really spoke about her, or them. Whenever her name popped up in a conversation, a look would cross his face and he held back whatever he wanted to say. It wasn’t that he was just heart broken, he missed the memories he’d made with that girl. And I couldn’t blame him. I’d loved him longer than I could ever remember, but.. he fell for someone else, and she replaced the gap I left. I wasn’t angry about this, I just regretted ever letting him go. And I hoped she did too.
—  An excerpt from a book I’ll never write. (#54)