I really hope Yongguk is proud of this album, because he has every right to be. It’s rock solid. And even though he won’t be promoting I just hope he knows that he helped create a masterpiece and that he should be proud and I hope he rests well.
I’m taking a shuttle from the airport tomorrow and I think I’m gonna cry.
I’ll be thinking of Bitty quietly sitting there, totally flabbergasted and still managing to text at the speed of sound.
Shock slowly passing as a besotted smile takes over his face.
And then a nosy old lady will smile and ask kindly “girlfriend?” Gesturing to the phone with her head.
“Boyfriend” Bitty will correct instantly, and then flush because dear God, really? was this stranger the first person he told? About his maybe boyfriend?
Then unable to keep wondering if he had just accidentally lied to this nice old lady, he’d text Jack.
B: ‘I just told the old lady next to me my boyfriend was texting me’
J: 'was she trying to flirt with you?’
B: 'Jack Laurent this is not the time to chirp me!’
J: 'If I can’t chirp my boyfriend then what’s the world coming to.’
Later, once he’s in Georgia, Bitty will wake up and see a new text message.
J: I just told the old woman in the plane next to me that I’m going to visit my boyfriend. I can see the appeal now.
i used to be sad all the time but now im just so fucking angry. im angry that im up until three in the morning every single day with the thought of you stuck on replay because no matter how many times i try to shatter the record, my record player has your voice memorized and you are all i can hear in the quiet of my room and you are haunting me and you’re not even a fucking a ghost and i am so tired of being haunted by the living. i am angry because every song is about you. every song brings me back to you and reminds me of your eyes or your voice or your laugh and how it was a melody to my ears, how it was the thing that soothed me on my darkest nights and how now, i am implacable and my music is so loud all i can hear is the song that’s playing but between songs your name slips in and it kills me. im so angry that you slipped away from me. no. you didn’t slip away because i held you so tight and you pried my fingers away from your ribs and you pushed me away without any hint of goodbye and im so angry that i let it happen again. because i thought this time, you’d be the one who stayed but again, someone has left me. and i was convinced that i was finally locked down but you keep getting in and i know it’s my fault because i cannot stop leaving the key under my “welcome home” matt and i know nothing is inviting about letting ghosts of past lovers inside of your very own house but jesus fuck this is the only way i can get by without suffocating and choking up my lungs and im afraid that bullet holes were never just scratch the surface wounds because i have a war zone in my head and the bullets keep grazing my chest and there is nothing romantic about the way you force me to swallow gun powder because now i am a ticking time bomb and you convinced me it would save me but i am afraid if i hear your name im going to explode and obliterate everything in my path. you have made me destructive but still i am open arms for you and i am so angry at myself for letting it happen again but i must keep you alive and the only way i can reach you anymore is by turning off the lights and waiting for the haunting with tears streaming down my face and shaky hands, i will close my curtains, shut off the lights, and wait. i am ready for your return. i am not scared anymore. haunt me, please.
excerpt from a book i’ll never write due to the fear of you reading it // ig writingmyself
do you ever wonder what people would say about you if you were dating your fave? not like what lame excuses they would find to hate on you for, but the good things… do they like your hair or your smile or your laugh or the way your fave always looks happy when they’re around you. I wanna know how we’d look to other people.
You know what the saddest thing is, that even though it’s been 2 years, even though you’ve been with her for over a year, I still miss you. There’s still those nights when I want to text you, when I want to tell you something, when I want you to still care. Those are the nights I still rethink everything and wonder if I fucked up somehow- if our lives would’ve been different. But I can’t change anything, I can’t go back in time. And we’ll never have the future I imagine. I can pretend I’m over you, that I don’t care, but I’ll always hold onto you.