i'll most likely delete this in the morning

feeling lonely

i’m still not used to being on my own- a single unit
it’s hard having lingering feelings for somebody who doesn’t exist anymore and hasn’t for a long while and when the person they’ve become is anything but good for you
especially when they were your best friend and the person you told everything to and the person you thought you were going to spend your life with but apparently when they said that illnesses would never matter they only had any of their possible future illnesses in mind
and its weird because i’ve been harboring and developing feelings for somebody else for a while now but i know i’m not ready for anything yet- it wouldn’t be fair to either of us
this whole thing is just so strange to me and i just feel so lost sometimes and i really don’t like how i find that i have feelings for somebody who is actually good for me while i still have feelings for somebody who doesn’t exist and these contest with each other and i just find myself burying myself in books and hiding from reality as much as possible