i'll miss you when you go

It’s with a heavy heart I say goodbye to my oldest sister. I’m lacking words at the moment…so here’s one of my favorite pictures of us…Halloween a few years ago. Love you, sis, more than you know…hope you said HI to mom for me like I asked…and if you didn’t, we’ll have words when I see you again. Ha. Go be free. There’s no more pain, just sorrow left behind, and I’ll mind it.

nothing hurt more than when I saw a picture of you and her. You barely ever took photos with me, let alone post them. And here you were posting pictures with this girl you barely knew, and I tried not to hate her, I tried not to hate you. But my insides felt like they were ripping apart at the sight of  you. And I knew this was going to happen eventually, I guess I was just hoping it wouldn’t.  
and its just so fucking pathetic, while I’ve spent all this time missing you.. you spent it with her. You never even thought of me once.
And all I can fucking do is imagine the way that you talk to her, its probably the same way I talked to you., like you were made out of the sun or something.
And I just don’t fucking understand how one person can leave such a huge mark on you when you can’t even leave a fucking scratch on them. Because you left me and I still see you every fucking where, and I never made you feel a damn thing. you never even cared for me.
I just want it to stop, I want it all to stop. I want to stop feeling every burning fire for you. I want to stop thinking of every word you said to me, I want to stop analyzing every little part of our relationship in trying to figure out where the fuck we went wrong because I get it now. I understand..
a relationship is always doomed to end in heartbreak when there is one person who loves more and in our case, I was always the one who loved more, and now it just hurts so bad because you love her. You love her even though I wanted you to love me.. even though I gave you every fucking piece of me. You chose her.
It will never be me and you. I was never enough, and the thought of that alone breaks me into a million pieces, so how the fuck am I supposed to feel when I realize why I wasn’t enough. When I see the face of the girl who was enough..
—  I don’t think I’ll ever get over you

I looked through our conversations when we used to be on cloud nine and in love, these were the times you told me how lucky you are to have a girl like me, how thankful you are because you never received such love I was giving to you and whatever happens, you will never let me go. The words you said mean everything to me and it stabs my heart, realizing that these words mean nothing anymore. I can’t help myself but to cry my heart out till the sun has set. The pain is too heavy to bear, the love I believed to be true and different was gone. We used to be over the moon, but the present tells the opposite. This is stupid of me to say but, I won’t deny the fact that I miss you so much. I love you, I still do. But somehow, I’ve come with the thought that I can’t do anything anymore, I need to let you go because it’s the right thing to do. I’ve decided to finally move on and this would be the last time I would cry over you because there was nothing left to hold on to and I can’t hold on to something that doesn’t want to be held.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry because I was the reason why you let things end. I’m sorry for the terrible mistake I made, I never blamed you for deciding to end this because you were hurt and I understand. I only have myself to blame. But, I was hoping you would’ve understood, that I did it for us. I always feared the day would come, the day you will finally won’t take back the words you’ve said. I’m sorry for the other things that have hurt you, for the things that made you cry, jealous and mad. 

Thank you. I’m thankful that I met you because you have given me a temporary bliss. I laughed and smiled because of you. Somehow, you made me feel loved and beautiful in a short period of time. Thank you for the good days: the days we felt unstoppable like we’re flying high, when holding your hand felt like home, leaning on your shoulders made me feel secure and hearing your voice sound like the angels are singing. It was worth it, being loved and loving you. Thank you for making me realize how capable I am to love someone. You proved forever within a number of days. You were the greatest and worst thing ever happen to me. 

Goodbye. This will be the last time that I will write you a message, I’ll accept the fact that some things are meant to end, even though I used to believe that you won’t let that happen. I did everything I could to make you stay, but I guess your life no longer includes me because, you’re happy now and I can see that clearly. You already found a love that’s all the things ours couldn’t be. I hope you find overwhelming joy by her side, I hope she won’t hurt you and make you cry. I hope for the best for the both of you. It hurts but I’ve accepted the painful truth that I am just a distant memory now. I don’t regret loving you, but what I regret is that I let myself believe that this would last.

I won’t forget you and the memories, I will always keep you alive in my heart. I’ll just get used to not having you in my life anymore. Deep within my heart knows getting over you won’t be simple. I need to stop loving you so I can start loving myself again. You were a painful blessing, but you were also a great lesson. I guess you’re just another chapter of my life needed to end. I still and will pray for your safety and happiness even though I’m in pain right now, I still believe you deserve the best. I hope you find everything in her that you couldn’t find in me. You will always be my greatest love.

—  S.L // unsent last message
Getting over him won’t be a straight path to freedom. It’s loosing the sparkle in your eye when you talked about him. It’s telling all your friends that your finally getting over him. Then it’s hitting you in the middle of the night when ‘your song’ comes on and you can’t shake him from your mind. It’s you crying on the floor because when things started getting better they all collapsed back down. Getting over him takes time, there’s going to be setbacks. Just keep trucking forward as best as you can, because one day…….. One day it won’t hurt anymore.
—  Path to Freedom
So I cried and he asked me if I was okay, and I told him the truth. “You think my feelings for you will leave the second those words flies over your tongue? It’s so messed up. I don’t want to go cry to someone else, I want to go to you like I always do when I’m upset but thing is you’re the one who hurt me. You don’t want to be my person anymore, that really fucking hurts, and you know what: this isn’t even your problem anymore.”
Sometimes I miss being naive and young
When you had this beautiful picture worked out in your mind
Of how things are supposed to be
Where you didn’t have to second guess people’s intentions
Where you weren’t scared to love
Because you haven’t been hurt a lot
Where you’re closed off
Where you expect the worst
I miss having that young mind
Where everything just seemed like it was going to be okay
Because now I know how fast things can change,
Like the flip of a switch
You’re floating blissfully on a cloud
And then suddenly you’re falling fast toward the ground
—  Chapters from my life
It was my fault. I knew how you felt and I knew how I felt, but I acted like I could care less. It’s my first instinct not to show interest because I’m just scared of every little thing that could go wrong. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you when I knew I should have.
They’re thunder and lightning, the two of them
Coming one after the other
Even if they’re a bit apart
He roars, softly shaking the whole universe
Not seen, but refusing to go unnoticed
She electrocutes the sky and disperses into a million sparks
Like a firework created by God himself
Together they jump from balconies
Swing chandeliers
Hold the stars and cling to them
When he would forget what he sounds like
She would crackle and remind him
And when she would cry out and the whole sky burned
He would scream with her so that she was not alone
They made a perfect storm
Intense and sometimes disastrous
But so beautiful they could fill rooms they weren’t in
And when they laughed
I think the angels could hear them
—  Thunder and Lightning
It’s so easy to say you’re over someone when your paths no longer intertwine, when you never see that person. “I don’t love him anymore,” you’ll say to your best friend. “I don’t miss him,” you tell your mother when she finds you in a bad mood. “I don’t want him back”, you keep telling yourself.
And then you see him again, four months and eight days after he grabbed your heart and closed his fist around it, squeezing until stars burst in front of your eyes and your face turned blue like the ocean. And it takes courage to look at him then, to admit that you’re not over him at all because you feel how he knocks the air out of your chest with one glance. But maybe you’ll remember how much he hurt you, how being with him didn’t make you happy but shattered you into pieces, so you can finally tell yourself “I’m not over him and that’s okay. But I’ll get there. And this is not what I want anymore.”
—  evening thoughts #25
you’re not over it yet and that’s okay

“I still don’t understand why my mind keeps going back to you. It’s not supposed to be this way. You hurt me and I still don’t understand why it still feels like you’ve done nothing wrong. I still don’t understand how of all things my perfectionist mind still decides to see you as something so ideal. I shouldn’t feel numbing waves of nostalgia every time someone brings up your name. I shouldn’t be thinking of you like this, I shouldn’t be missing you like this and hell, I shouldn’t even be writing about you like this.”

You left and I wish you took your poetry with you. 


Look at me. Look me in the eyes when I tell you this.

You cannot say that AFI sucks live just because Davey Havok has to sing this song an octave lower. He is 41, not 30 when they recorded “Miss Murder”. Davey had vocal reconstructive surgery due to a cyst he developed from years of performing, he shouldn’t be screaming at all.

He shouldn’t even be able to do THIS scream, but look at him go, even though it doesn’t sound healthy. And look how happy he is to actually complete it, because sometimes he can’t. Can’t you see by his expression he doesn’t enjoy it… At all? Look how proud he is, that big “whoo” of completion. Stop being such a prude about his voice. It sounds fine, it just isn’t the same as it was ten years ago.

(Furthermore, Hunter, Jade, and Adam sound great, so summing them up all negatively together just because you don’t like the way the singer sounds is pretty rude of you.)

That’s all.

Thinking back to when we first met, we were so careless. Everything we talked about was pointless, but it had a point because it was being talked about with you. Now that I’m without you, I crave the times I took for granted where we’d talk everyday and I knew you’d always have my back. Let’s go back to that ok?
—  Day 398 since the split
Everything you are about to say, I already know.
  • Clara, I’m not your boyfriend… I never said it was your mistake.
  • Clara, I need you.
  • I don’t take orders, Clara.
  • To our last hurrah.
  • I don’t know if you’ll ever hear this, Clara. I don’t even know if you’re still alive out there.
  • I can save you.
  • This is my world, too. I walk your earth, I breathe your air.
  • Do you think I care for you so little that betraying me would make a difference?
  • You asked me what we’re going to do. I told you. We’re going to hell.
  • Clara, I’m terribly sorry, but I’m exactly what you deserve.
  • Are you okay?
  • It’s fine. I’ve found Gallifrey.
  • Yes, I’m really here. I’m back.
  • I never found Gallifrey. I lied, so you’d stay with Danny.
  • There was only one way to get to you. I’m dying, too.
  • I will hold Clara’s hand, but that’s it.
  • Clara Oswald, you will never look any different to me.
  • We should do this every Christmas.
  • I’m sorry. I was stupid. I should have come back earlier. I wish that I had.
  • The TARDIS is outside. So, all of time and all of space is sitting out there. A big blue box. Please, don’t even argue.
  • Do you know what’s rarer? Second chances.
  • Pretty Woman.
  • When do I not see you?
  • I want Clara Oswald, safe, alive, and returned to me immediately. You bring her back. You do that. You do that now. Unharmed. Unhurt. Alive.
  • I just felt that I… I had to say something. Because I’ve got a duty of care.
  • I can save you. You trust me, don’t you, Clara?
  • I’ll come back for you. I swear.
  • Don’t kiss me. Morning breath.
  • Everyone after you was random, but you being the next name, that’s what made me confront the Fisher King.
  • This is not a hug.
  • Look at you, with your eyes, and your never giving up, and your anger, and your kindness. One day, the memory of that will hurt so much that I won’t be able to breathe.
  • Every time we do something like this, I keep thinking, what if something happens to you?
  • She might meet someone she can’t bear to lose. That happens, I believe.
  • I’ve missed you, Clara Oswald.
  • I let Clara Oswald get inside my head. Trust me. She doesn’t leave.
  • Longest month of my life.
  • I’ll be the judge of time.
  • Hold my hand.
  • You will save Clara, and you will do it now, or I will rain hell on you for the rest of time.
  • I don’t care!
  • You shouldn’t have to ask.
  • What’s the point of being a Doctor if I can’t cure you?
  • What about me?
  • Clara…
  • Don’t run. Stay with me.

  • You are my storm room.
  • Making you laugh.
  • But I can remember, Clara. You don’t understand, I can remember it all. Every time. And you’ll still be gone. Whatever I do… you still won’t be there.
Life is not a fairytale.
You see all these movies and read all these books and keep expecting these grand gestures and amazing experiences to happen to you, and when they don’t, you get disappointed.
He’s not going to stand outside your window with flowers in his hand saying “I miss you baby, please come back.” When you leave him hoping he’ll realize your worth and come back begging, he doesn’t, he just moves on. Your friends are not going to organize some grand surprise for your birthday, or even come meet you because they’re all so busy all the time. There’s never going to be a huge moment of realization when the people you care about finally know how much you love them. If you randomly go off the grid one day, nobody is going to visit you at home to see if you are okay. You are not gonna be able to leave everything behind and say “screw it” and take off on a road trip with strange and unknown people because you care too much. People are not going to be there in your worst times, they’re going to decide that it’s too much for them and run as fast as they can. You just need to stop setting this high bar of expectation because even if you set it really really low, people are going to find a way to slide under it, being careful not to touch it.
Life is not a fairytale.
You know those moments when you just miss them? You go looking for a picture or maybe even a text message you forgot to delete. Just to remind yourself that at one point you did matter to them. That it wasn’t all a lie. That for even just a moment you were all they thought about.
—  Excerpt from a book I will never write #972 // @lesliestephaniee
I am sorry that it is the way it is, I really would love to go back to the friends we were; before I loved you. In the end it was the long conversations I adored, hearing your funny individual view of life. You really were the only one who ever knew what so say and when. It sounds pathetic but through all the mistakes and regret, you really were the best friend I could ask for. So thank you, and take care for me.
—  Texts I’ll never send #2


        100 lyric starters taken from ‘wild world’ by bastille. change pronouns/sentence structure if necessary!


❝ so, what would you little maniacs like to do first? ❞
❝ what’s gunna be left of the world when you’re not in it? ❞
❝ every minute and every hour i miss you more ❞
❝ if you want to be a party animal you have to learn to live in the jungle ❞
❝ stop worrying and go and get dressed ❞
❝ you might have to excuse me, i’ve lost control of all of my senses ❞


❝ think about the power of your words ❞
❝ oh my god, i can’t quite believe my ears ❞
❝ you’re making me feel nervous ❞
❝ i need to clear my head ❞
❝ how can you think you’re serious? ❞
❝ do you even know what year it is? ❞


❝ kind of hoping this will turn me round ❞
❝ and now it follows me every day ❞
❝ i need to clear my head ❞
❝ my back’s up against the wall ❞
❝ i feel guilty ❞


❝ never good, just the bad and the ugly ❞
❝ nothing quite like seeing the world through the tv’s window ❞
❝ i can’t stop thinking about it ❞
❝ tell me, did you see the news tonight? ❞
❝ hold me in this wild, wild world ❞


❝ did you ever feel like they were ringing true? ❞
❝ not everything had gone to plan ❞
❝ we made the best of what we had, you know ❞
❝ all their words were glory ❞
❝ stop looking up for heaven ❞

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