i'll miss you forever

Winds of Change

( Continued from here: When Lightning Strikes )

“You are impossible! Why are you still here?”
“I am very possible.”
“I will kill you one day.”
“No you won’t. And I will never leave unless you tell me that you want me gone.”

Sarinna leaned against the shanty’s wall, her light blue hand covering her quivering lips as she sobbed quietly, her other hand placed on her slightly swollen belly. The night elf’s silver eyes followed the Queen as she walked from one end to the other, packing her bag with the few clothes she had, weapons she had brought over, and left over paperwork she hadn’t sent to her estate. Lily was silent, determined to get her things in order so that she would not forget a thing. She wasn’t coming back for anything.

Lily turned and noticed Sarinna. Pausing to smile at the night elf, she walked toward her and placed her hand on Sarinna’s arm. “You have to be strong, Sari,” Lily said softly.

“You don’t have to go, Lily. Why are you leaving? He didn’t mean it. He doesn’t want you gone. He’ll only go after you again. Why are you packing?” The night elf took deep breaths before she continued crying, a combination of hurt and hormones.

“Oh, pretty one, of course he meant it,” Lily said, reaching up to caress Sarinna’s face, wiping the tears from her cheeks. “But not in the way you’re thinking. He has never lied to me. Forgotten to tell me things, maybe, but he has never lied. He meant it when he told me to leave, but he’s doing it to protect me, or so he thinks.”

“Then don’t leave! You know he doesn’t want you to go.”

Taking a breath, Lily simply smiled at Sarinna. “He loves his child. He loves her so much. That is why I must leave. I must keep her safe, raise her right, and give her the life I know he wants for her. This is another chance for me. I have taken all the lives I needed to take. My list is done. The King has given me this beautiful gift and he wants me to go and enjoy my life.” With a sigh, she continued, “I wish it was the three of us living a new life….” She placed her hands on Sarinna’s slight belly. “You’ll understand soon enough. Parenthood is about sacrifices, and our King has understood that, as painful as it may be.”

Lily took a deep breath and walked back to her belongings. “I wrote to my closest friends and I know they’ll understand. My affairs have been set in order and I have relinquished full control to my granddaughter. She may not be entirely ready, but we all have to take that plunge sometime in our lives, and it’s her turn now.” With a soft sigh, she closed her bags and leaned against a chair with her hand on her belly.

“Oh…” Lily turned to the table where her paperwork used to be. She paused to look around and noticed how empty the shanty was starting to look. Shaking her head, she turned to a drawer and pulled out a small black bag. Turning to Sarinna, Lily took a deep breath and placed the bag in the night elf’s hands. “This is the ring the Sorceress gave him. Be careful. And if he uses it, may he use it on others and not his guardians.”

Sarinna gripped the bag and nodded, sniffling slightly. She watched the tiny assassin lift her bags effortlessly and look around one last time. “Anything I may have forgotten is yours.” Lily smiled at Sarinna, approaching to give her a big hug. “Take care of yourself and that beautiful baby. Take care of Evan.” Sarinna chuckled and nodded, wiping her eyes. “But most importantly, take care of Melaeth. Don’t let the King kill him. I know they’re the same person, but once I’m gone, Melaeth is in danger. I know our King. He will attempt to split himself again. Take care of him. Please.”

“I will, Lily,” Sarinna whispered. 

Lily smiled and as she let go of Sarinna, she squeaked a little, laughing softly. “She’s awake,” she said, rubbing her belly. “She’s starting to move a lot more and I’m starting to feel her.” With one more look around, Lily walked to the door.

In the Chamber of Wills, it was business as usual, but with less people. The rumors of the Queen’s departure had spread and many traders and vendors made themselves scarce. No one wanted to be around the King when this happened. Several Ratz began to surround the shanty, curious as to what was going to happen. The Rat King leaned against the wall, smoking his cigarette, glaring at the chamber ahead. He turned to look at Lily and dropped the remainder of the cigarette, stepping on it as he took a moved toward her.

“The King’s will be done,” Lily said, her head held high.

“Shut up,” he muttered. This was familiar to Lily. She had seen it before when they had first met. He was trying to build his barriers once more and she couldn’t help but smile.

“Would you rather hear ‘My Life for the King?’” The chamber grew silent. Everyone knew those words meant death. Lily stared at the King, never flinching.

“I said shut up!” The King grabbed her neck and swung Lily up against the shanty wall, her bags falling to the floor and leaving her slightly startled, but still not alarmed. She looked into his eyes and watched them tear up, his face scrunching in frustration. From afar, he looked furious, but between the two, he was in so much pain, she was starting to hurt as well.

“Shut up, you stupid woman,” he whispered, his lips against hers, kissing between silent sobs. “Shut up, shut up, shut up….” He leaned his head against hers and tried hard to hide the tears that could no longer hide within his eyes. The grip on her throat loosened and his fingers caressed her skin. “I love you,” he whispered to her, to her soul. “I love you more than my own life. I love both of you so much,” he muttered, every word aching him as he spoke.

Lily’s eyes betrayed her strength, tears mixing with his as he pressed his cheek against her face. She kissed his tears and hers. She ran her hands through his hair once more as the two embraced. There was no kingdom. There were no Ratz. It was just them in their own private world, about to shatter into a billion unrepairable pieces.

Reaching for his right hand, Lily looked at the gold ring on his finger. “You’re still wearing that on the wrong finger, silly boy,” she said softly.

“Leave it there,” he whispered. “It will never leave that spot unless someone chops my finger off. There you are and there you’ll stay.”

“No, Tianshi,” Lily said softly, placing her left hand on his chest. “Here I am and here I’ll stay.” They both looked down at her hand, the black engagement ring glimmering between them. He kissed her once more, savoring her lips for the last time.

“Stay safe. Protect our child.” His hands caressed her belly, feeling a soft kick.

“Always, Tianshi. She will know about the tender man who loved her and her mama so much.”

“But never of the Rat King.”

“But never of the Rat King.”

The King nodded and took a deep breath. He released her and Sarinna approached Lily with her bags.

“Until we meet again, Tianshi,” Lily said softly.

“Until we meet again, my Queen,” the King replied in a whisper. He took a step back and a deep breath. As Lily walked down the steps, he looked at the Champions and Sarinna. “Escort her out.”

Lily continued walking with the three surrounding her as the King yelled out, “And remember this: there is only a Rat King. I don’t need a queen. I don’t need anyone but me!” The Ratz shuddered and turned to look at the former queen, who ignored the King’s rantings and exited into the sewer tunnels.

Not sure of what to do next, the King turned and punched the shanty wall, over and over until his knuckles bled. He ran his hands through his blonde hair and turned to notice the Flea’s nook. The King rushed over to the nook and searched the scrying bottles.

“What are you doing?” the Flea asked nervously and he panicked when he saw the King reach for one bottle in particular: the one labeled “Lily.” He gripped the bottle and slammed it against the wall, shattering the glass and the ability to ever find her again. The Flea’s eyes widened and stared at the King, who pushed the undead out of the way.

He stared at the legion of skeletal looking Ratz surrounding him and he growled, “Kill each other for all I fucking care.” With those words, he marched into the shanty before several Ratz began to attack others.

Lily reached the entrance to the sewers and hugged Sarinna, Evan, and even Teriaan, who silently mourned the loss of a great war strategist. “No goodbyes,” she said softly, smiling. She walked toward her panther and the creature flew into the skies.

Her journey was filled with tears, spilling her melancholy all throughout Azeroth, so that when she arrived in Pandaria, there were no more tears to shed. She sought her Pa’s village and she was welcomed home. With her swords retired, she was no longer a tiny assassin, but instead was lovingly called Tiger Lily by the pandaren she lived with.

And they say she wanders in Jade Forest, telling tales, dancing with children, and making toys for them. Although there are sleepless nights in which her heavy heart turns back to the love she left behind, it is those nights that Lily looks up into the night sky and gazes at the stars above her, in hopes that the other half of her heart is sitting in a sewer exit gazing up and staring at the same stars.

And Lily finally lived in peace.


Legend of the Seeker Rewatch  ↯  Prophecy {s01.e01.Nov.8th.2008}
‘’The truth of the words of the Book of Counted Shadows can only be ensured by a Confessor’’

Certain things always make me think of you, without fail
Triggers that move me, that elicit memory, sparking resurgences of us
Carnival lights, theme park fairytales
Sunsets and camera flashes, capturing the moment,
Capturing the specific shade of orange and pink that inevitably made its way into my cheeks whenever your gaze met mine
Your eyes like magic on my skin, transforming me into the heroine, the phenomenon I always wished to be, perfectly
Whenever I stand under these bright bulbs, the sparkles and shimmers
Cascading across my vision like fireworks
My mind tends to travel back in time
It sees you, sees your dark hair and enchanting smile, standing across from me like a ship in the night
Dapper and daring, ready for anything, reminding me that accidents happen, that sometimes fate steps in
Ceaselessly marveling at me, meeting me backstage, in back rooms, suffocating my insecurity
Puffing away on a cigarette that you swore you would’ve given up if given the chance
To tangle with me, to invade my personal space permanently
Just as you’ve pervaded, permeated, and penetrated my heart

I think I will miss you forever.
Isn’t that how it goes?
A typical line used to express how we feel?
Thinking maybe it’ll make the other person see what they are leaving?
Hoping that they’ll miss you back?

Each time you write,
It’s just your idea of how 26 letters can perfectly be put together to express how you feel.
26 letters.
That’s it.
I think this is why distance is so hard between two people.
You have nothing but words.
Words that you must form to be so perfect because they are what express your love.
They are all you have.
You can not hold that person each night if they live nine thousand miles away.
You can not just pick up a phone and call them when your days are 14 hours apart.
You can not kiss them when they are sad.
Distance destroys us.
It makes our hearts grow weak for the things we really want.
Or what we really love.
It leaves it nearly impossible to do anything about it.

For the last few months,
I have worked so hard to perfect each and every way to put 26 letters together so the girl I fell in love with, would see what she meant to me.

This would have been our sixth month together.
I guess I’m not much of a writer, yet.

I don’t think I will ever be strong enough to fully move on from you. Although, deep down inside, I’m not sure that I’ll ever really want to move on from you. You see me like nobody else ever has- you see my potential, who I can be. You’ll never see this, you’ll never know these words exist, but I hope you know, B, how much I truly love you. You bring out the ultimate best in me. You’ve been my best friend through everything and you’re the only one who has been here when I’ve needed you most. We weren’t perfect together, neither of us are perfect, but damn, was our love special. If moving on means forgetting, then I never want to move on. Honestly, I’m still praying that it’s you and me in the end.
—  An excerpt from a book I’ll never write (#7).

After lying in bed for 24 hours straight, 72 hours of not eating with only alcohol poisoning my blood, I felt you with me.

A ray of sunshine peaked through my closed blinds and hit the side of my face, bothering me so much that it woke me up from a deathlike sleep.

“fuck!” I yelled, angry at the sun for waking me up.

Most people are glad when they wake up from nightmares, but for me it was waking up into a nightmare.

I got up to close the blinds a little more so that I could go back bed, but it was then when I felt you.

I opened up all the blinds and the sun poured in the way I’ve been pouring in vodka into my mouth hour after hour for the past 3 days. The sun filled up my room and even with the windows closed I felt an ocean like breeze wrap itself around me in a way only your arms ever did when I would come running to you with tears in my eyes because the boy I loved didn’t love me back.

My room filled itself with your laughter, with your unconditional love and with your kind comforting words. It was then I realized… you’re not really gone.

You’re not really gone.

I dropped to my knees and screamed. I’m screaming at the top of my lungs for you to forgive me, I’m begging you to forgive me for not being there, for not reaching out and for not helping you heal that enormous void you had inside that only kept getting bigger. I can’t imagine the loneliness you must’ve felt when you held yourself to sleep that night, I can’t imagine the solitude you felt even with everyone around.

I loved you.

I love you.

I thought about dying. Dying with you. I thought about suffering the pain you did. I thought about your heart stopping and your soul leaving. I thought about wanting to be with you. I thought about leaving this earth so I wouldn’t have to miss you.

Then I thought about all the places I’ve never been, the places you have never been. I thought about the things I haven’t seen, the things you haven’t seen, of all the poems to write and all the art I have yet to create. I thought about all the fields I haven’t walked through, the oceans to see and swim, people I have yet to talk to, all the music I have yet to dance to, the games I have yet to win, the advice I have to give and all the wisdom I have to share.

Then I thought of you again, and of all the people that have yet to meet you.

They will.

It’s my duty, as a sister, as a friend, to make sure I live this life for you, for me, for us.

It is my obligation to live this life the way I would’ve wanted you to live it. It is my job to love me, to love everyone, the way I loved you. To see myself and the world the way I saw you.

I love you, my rae of sunshine.

I hope this adventure is a soft and peaceful one. Until we meet again.

active amber-centric blogs!

As per an anon’s request, below is a list of the active (or mostly active) Amber blogs I follow! Note: some of these blogs are multi-fandom/group but post a lot of Amber or are to my knowledge, big fans of her. Many of them are gif/edit makers too!
Another note: if i missed someone or you know of more please feel free to reblog and add to this list! It’s a bit short but I tried to narrow it down to the most active ones that update daily or mostly daily.

@quietlim | @4smols | @ajols | @ambae-r | @amberkrisber | @amberlius | @amberslollipops | @ambersbinder | @beautifulbyamber | @softber | @courteneyact | @titaniumbadger | @amberliuaf