Writing is my passion. It’s my happiness and my curse since I seem to be at my best when I am at my worst. It’s what keep me alive, what makes me believe in a better future, what keeps me going. Dad says that I spend too much time on my computer; I say that spending all those hours on this useless website and seeing those little numbers grow is what makes me happy. It may be stupid, you can say that but it’s my thing and yeah, I’d probably be happier in the real world but for now I’m stuck in this one and I’m glad to be in it.
There are a lot of things that you should know about me.
My mind is a dangerous place–it is dark and messed up. I might be reluctant to let you in because even I would get lost in my thoughts of drowning in a sea of blood, of sinking my teeth into the decay of my mortality, and of all of the monsters I trade my secrets with at night.
My heart is still something unknown and something I have yet to own. It breaks every time it beats and anchors my body to the ground. It is shameful and worships metaphors and similes. Desire seeps out of my skin and I use it to set myself on fire on the darkest of dawns.
My body is a constellation of scars and bruises. It is an immense space full of clandestine ramblings, a dusty box filled with unsent love letters, a map of veins and worn-out skin. I am made of crossed fingers, 11:11 wishes, false hopes. I am stitched by dilemmas, fears, insecurity and depression and there will be times that you won’t be able to understand me. I have the tendency to be very clingy and sometimes, insensitive.
There will be times that I will push you to the verge of giving up but please, don’t tolerate me. Don’t whisper prayers of your love for me. Do not ever try to worship me. And most of all, do not ever try to save me.
Because I don’t need to be saved.
I won’t need one. I am not that damsel in distress who cries and wait for her prince to swoop in and save her. I’m not going to be bruised nor damaged. Nor gonna need any kind of repairing.
If I ever find myself deciding to love you, it’s going to be because I am complete enough for it. It’s going to be because I’m prepared to capitulate, carrying the knowledge with me that I won’t let any piece of me to be a patch of yours and vice versa. It’s going to be because we already are better for one another. It’s going to be because I am confident in my own skin that I won’t need any saving, I am confident in my own self to have faith in love even when everybody else is trying to make change of that faith.
s.a., to the boy who will have the courage to delve deeper in my sea
I feel like maybe one of the reasons Noct x Luna doesn’t get more love is because maybe people are at some base level rejecting the idea that the arranged marriage could have played a part in their developing emotions.
From the time they first meet, they love each other, but obviously not in a romantic way. They’re children. He’s 8, she’s 12, they’re *both* children. And it’s the only confirmed face-to-face time we know about them having before the game.
But they love each other so much from that time on. They both admire each other deeply and the other becomes a driving force for them. Noctis wants to fulfill his childhood promises to her. Luna as Oracle wants to support her King on his road.
They both know the other is capable of amazing things. And those abilities awe and inspire them to be an even better version of themselves.
These children are never given the luxury of thinking of things in short-term, either. Everything they do, they have to think of in long term. They have to think of effects down the years. They both mature so quickly in a lot of ways. They’re pragmatic by necessity, and their adoration of each other is the only selfish thing they hold onto. Because it’s safe. Because it can only help them in their duties. Because they are the only ones who can relate on an equal field to each other.
That love and adoration grows through the years. As they further mature, as they take on more and more tasks… They have no time to think of things like romance, they have no time to FIND love.
And then they’re promised to each other.
What a relief that must have been, circumstances aside.
As rulers and as those carrying a specific kind of magic, they need to continue their bloodlines. It’s part of their duty, and they both are bound by and PROUD of their duties.
To know that you’ll be with your best friend… Someone who you admire so completely, someone who makes you feel calm when you think their name, someone you know you can rely on, who knows your weaknesses and who supports you, who completes you, who makes you better….
Oh, what a relief.
And then to know it’s coming, their thoughts can shift. They’re allowed. They have that freedom, it’s been given to them, promised to them as they were promised to each other. And so when they think of each other, they can think of a future together. One where they can actually see each other freely, which they had been unable to do with no freedom in sight.
And feelings change and develop into something more.
1. No one is going to remember the words that you mispronounced during your class presentation and nor does anyone really care. Don’t over think it. It’s okay.
2. Your mom sometimes doesn’t mean the things that she says when she says them in her anger. Don’t take everything too literally.
3. If someone tells you that you take too many pictures, go ahead and take more. You are allowed to capture as many moments as you want.
4. It’s okay if you didn’t get a perfect hundred on that test. It was hard. As long as you tried your hardest and will continue to do so, then that is all that really matters.
5. It’s okay if you don’t really know what career you want to pursue. Try new things and create more hobbies. Experiment, and when the time comes when you need to make a final decision, choose what you’re best at to make your next move.
6. Don’t eat too much junk food, but let yourself loose every now and then. It’s important to be healthy, so eat right.
7. You will get over that boy who doesn’t love you back, and also that boy you dated but broke up with. These wounds will hurt you for a while, but they will heal. And if scars form, then remember that they are a mark of your growth. You will find someone some day, who will love you more than they ever could.
8. Wear whatever you want. If you feel like going to school in six inch heels and a dress, go ahead. If you want to go to school in sneakers and sweatpants, go ahead. No one is going to remember how you dressed or how much makeup you wore once you are out of here, and their opinion doesn’t matter anyways. You’ll look great.
9. Set priorities. Don’t wait till the last minute to complete a project or study for a test. Don’t waste your time doing things that have not added anything to your life, but instead spend it on doing things that will create a better future. No dream is ever too big.
10. Keep the ones who love you as you are close, and the ones who make you feel small far away. It’s okay to end friendships if they are toxic. It’s okay to seek happiness, even if that means leaving others behind.
I love two people, and I don’t know how that’s possible, and I don’t love them in the same way, but I love them both and that might be beautiful but it’s also confusing and complicated as hell.
Because I met one guy and it felt like I knew you from the start. I can still remember introducing myself in the hallway during lunch that day last January. And talking to you and inviting you to our party and you were taken then, but damn I knew I wanted you from the start. We didn’t talk much back then and you didn’t stay the night with the rest of the party…maybe that’s why I knew I could trust you from the start, you were taken and you never strayed, you were faithful to a fault…you were with me too. And months later we ran into each other again, you’re siblings and I were great friends and we were neighbors so I guess maybe it was inevitable…I still remember all those late nights at our pool, swimming and singing, then touching and kissing. You asked me out and I said yes, and it only took 2 days and I was your’s. And that was it, I think I’ve always been your’s since then, even when we weren’t together, even when I was with someone else. We might have broke up but we never ended.
And then there was the “other guy.” It’s ironic actually, because he was in my life before “the guy” ever was. We met two years, maybe three. When? I couldn’t tell you. But I could tell you where: where it all started, where we met, where we became friends, and where I realized we might be more. And I can’t say things were magnetic from the start, you liked my best friend, and I dated your’s, but somewhere in all that we became each other’s best friend and you became the one I wanted instead, even if it wasn’t until years after we met. We stayed up all night talking, even when I could barely keep my eyes open. I spent more time with you than my own boyfriend, your best friend. And soon you were the one I wanted to come to, to talk to, to be with. I think we both tried to deny it for a while, but that didn’t change it. And one night you admitted it, in your own weird way, and I agreed and I felt slightly guilty, but I felt more guilty for giving your best friend the chance instead of you.
And here we are now. And nothing’s changed. And I love you both. And the first guy makes me feel wild and passionate, but the second made me feel safe and cared for. It’s like fire and water, and I can be burnt in the flames or drown in the waves. And it all consumes me and sometimes I feel like I can’t breathe. Because one of you feels like the love of my life, my future, and the other feels like my best friend, my partner and I don’t know how to live without either of you…
MK Ireland #165 : things aren’t always better in two’s
Zombieman meets the Mini Toasters who are fascinated with his regenerative abilities. (Wanted to show a soft side to this stoic cutie. ;D)
-The Minis are climbing all over him in the break room while Roku lights the tip of each of his fingers-
Kids, please don't climb all over him. And Roku don't burn off his fingers like that, it isn't polite...
It's okay. He's just playing.
-Kids 'ooh' and 'ah' as the fingers regenerate instantly.-
My apologies, Zombieman-san. I'd come to the Association on a quick errand and thought to leave them in the breakroom to wait until I'd finished with it. I hope they weren't bothering you too much. [-keeps a hold of Roku who wants to try and burn his hair next-]
Nah, it's fine. kids are kids.
Forgive me if I'm being rude, but I didn't think you'd tolerate children.(Let alone speak to others. This feels like the first time we've talked casually outside of work.)
...Well I don't really 'dislike' them. If anything I admire them a little. They've got their lives ahead of them, and seeing your lot being this lively makes the future somewhat more hopeful and decent for this place.
Well I better head out. I likely have some missions on standby.[-easily pulls the kids down from his shoulder and pats some of them on the head-] I'll see you later, Demon Cyborg.
-waves his hand without looking back-
(I'd always thought he was rather unsociable, but he's actually not a bad guy.)
If you’ve ever wondered how much of a larrie I truly am, wonder no more. I wrote a song about them. This was written last year and I released an a cappella version but this time I added my uke for a more complete sound. So yeah, I’d looove for you guys to listen and let me know what you think! This is my first (decent) original song so I’m always looking for feedback on it as well as tips on how to make my songs better in the future. Enjoy!
MDMA, ecstasy, molly etc is the one drug that causes the worst jaw clench, but I don't consider that a drug, myself. I know obviously that it is a drug because it changes your state of mind/being when ingested, but it's just so much more than a high. It's a spiritually healing drug that makes you love every person you know a little bit more. It truly teaches you to live in the moment you are in, and not any other moment. Not depressed thinking of the past and not anxious thinking of the future. One time with that and the serious shit I'm going through was so much better and my anxiety is gone. You all can throw your SSRI antidepressants and drugs like Xanax, Zoloft and any other of your psychotropic drugs right in the trash. I'll take MDMA over any of that any day.