i'll just take pictures of my book instead of reading it

won’t you tell me your name, #1

In a world where soulmates can write messages on their skin, Peter and Chris mostly use their connection to take their anger out on each other. Stiles is the somewhat traumatized kid on the other end of their bond.

For Stetopher Week’s cross-generational issues prompt, with the issue in question being what exactly you’re supposed to do when your soulmates have hated each other since before you were born. Title from The Doors’ Hello, I Love You, because at first I wanted to title this Hello, I Hate You but I decided that was a bit much. 

[Stiles/Chris/Peter, pre-slash, starts pre-canon with some time skips later, soulmate AU.]

There’s only one picture of Stiles on the day he was born. Stiles keeps it in his bottom drawer of his wardrobe, hidden under a bunch of stuff he throws in there when he’s supposed to clean his room. Afterwards, he takes all the stuff out again and hopes his parents don’t make him clean until the next weekend, but the picture always stays inside. It’s a scene that’s reflected in half of the picture frames downstairs, his parents on either side of him, beaming at the camera. In this one, Stiles looks like he’s about to cry, but that’s what babies do, so Stiles isn’t really embarrassed about it. It’s the rest of him that bothers him, the way that there’s only glimpses of his pale skin under a chaotic mess of years of dialog between two other people. The words creep around his face, his little hands, and there’s even black smudges on his ears when the magic that tied him to his soulmates ran out of room to fit the words.

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if toppdogg worked in the corner stores outlet
  • pgoon: works at foot locker, muscle shirts muscle shirts muscle shirts, the kind of employee to ask what shoe you're looking for says he'll go find it but never returns until you're just about to leave, peruses through work out clothes but never buys (employee discount or not)
  • jenissi: book store employee, he's supposed to be customer service but doesn't even know all the genre sections except magazines sci-fi romance & children's books, recommended someone to read warriors(that book series with cats) for their semester research paper
  • seogoong: works at the samsung store on the corner, mindset: 'my phone is still the best one here and i'll recommend it to every customer', pranks everyone by calling and texting them on the sample phones, has accidentally set off a security alarm bc he pulled off the sensor wire while taking a selfie
  • gohn: doesn't work in the shopping outlet but at some fancy restaurant next to it(the only one to get his application accepted by said restaurant), engages in conversation with the customers(they love him), overdoes it with the appetizer bread with butter 'would you like more bread?' 'this is our third basket'
  • hojoon: works the counter at the bakery, is bored nearly 70% of the time bc no one comes in during his shift so he ends up going in the back and eats the leftover almonds, the red apron looks good on him and he wORKS IT, has accidentally reccommended pastries from bakeries nearby instead of promoting their own
  • kidoh: works at the dollar store, the kind of employee to walk down the aisles in those huge plastic sunglasses bc 'work should be fun and i should enjoy myself', no one ever goes to his register ('it's bc i'm near the balloons no one comes here for balloons'), tries to whistle to rap music that's playing quietly throughout the store but fails
  • sangdo: works at picture and framing store (right in between dollar store and bookstore), freaks out when people bring in baby photos to be framed and congratulates/compliments the parents, makes that iconic confused face when ppl make him frame weird ass photos, the store is pretty much staff-free besides him (the only one there)
  • nakta: works with hansol in the lil pet store, but he's pretty sure he's allergic to one of the animals there, has named all the fish/frogs/lizards/snakes/guinea pigs/hamsters/etc. and greets them every morning, when people finally buy them he 'gives them a final goodbye' and waves them out the door (has cried at least twice)
  • hansol: also works at lil pet store, tells nakta to quit every week bc his sneezing is 'so disgusting and distracting the animals hate him', talks to pets in a quiet high pitched voice 'hello~ ahh you're so cute', gives long detailed instructions to customers that buy pets bc they have to take care of them like 'they're your own babies'
  • bjoo: the only friend that doesn't have a job, visits everyone during their shift every now and then to make jokes about letting him use their employee discount (but legit give him a discount help a brother out), applied to foot locker 7 times but has never gotten accepted (bc of pgoon), 'i'd be a great employee' 'do you have any other job experience' 'well...'
  • xero: doesn't work in the outlet area but in a nice indoor mall with three floors and gOOD AIR CONDITIONING AND PRISTINE TILED FLOORS, he rubs this in their faces any chance he gets, works in nordstrom in the beauty department under men's grooming and cologne, leaves work practically reeking of bleu de chanel
  • atom: work at whole foods market, does not understand what a superfood is and what makes it so super 'what is açai? why is it so popular it's a blueberry imposter', when no one is looking he goes towards the body care aisle and smells all the bathbombs for 'future reference', complains to everyone about the job when in reality there's nothing that bad bout it
  • yano: works at the post office, thought it'd be cool to work there bc he could send back all those college textbooks he got for no reason whenever he needs to, when someone comes in with a big parcel it makes his day, using the tape measure and the scale give him life and makes his job feel like a new fresh experience

Castiel paged through his European history text book, aimlessly looking at the pictures of over-powdered queens and scanning over the text. Finals were rapidly approaching, but he didn’t have the energy to really study. His phone started buzzing with an incoming call, but he silenced it. This was the fifth call he ignored from his mother. He never should have let her know that he was a history major instead of the pre-med she thought he was. He simply didn’t have any medical interest.

“You certainly look busy.”

Castiel looked up from where he’d been staring off into a row of books. Dean, his math tutor, stood before him. Castiel made the mistake of waiting until his junior year of university to complete his math requirement. To say he forgot most of what he learned in high school would be an understatement. If it weren’t for Dean, Castiel would have dropped the class.

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Love is drinking coffee as the sun rises and talking about their dreams last night. Love is waking up at 2:00am by cold hands intertwining with yours. Love is going to them crying and leaving laughing. Love is a call instead of a text because you miss their soothing voice. Love is cheesy poetry and sappy love letters that you re read over and over at night when you can’t sleep. Love is patient no matter how hard it gets. Love is sloppy kisses between goodbyes. Love is holding hands because you just want to feel their skin touch yours in the most innocent way. Love is taking silly pictures you can laugh at when you’re old. Love is stepping out of your comfort zone. Love is starring into each others eyes because there is no where you’d rather be. Love is staying faithful no matter how far away. Love is making time for your special person. Love is standing by each other through tough times and good times. Love is shaky hands and heavy hearts. Love is cautious and clumsy decisions. Love is creation not destruction.
—  S.M // Definitions you wont see on paper
Garrett Inquisition Banters - Dorian
  • Dorian: The Champion of Kirkwall, is it? A pleasure to finally make your acquaintance
  • Garrett: I wouldn't have thought anyone who could have had a seat in the Magesterium would much care to know about the south
  • Dorian: You know of the Magesterium? Truly? Most in the South think ever mage in Tevinter is a Magister
  • Garrett: Don't take it as a compliment. My husband was a slave to one of your magisters
  • ---
  • Dorian: So you married a slave?
  • Garrett: /Former/ slave. He belongs to no one
  • Dorian: Ooh, touchy
  • ---
  • Dorian: Have I offended you?
  • Garrett: What makes you think I'm offended?
  • Dorian: Well in Varric's book he writes you as an understanding paragon of goodness, and yet whenever I'm within ten feet you start scowling
  • Garrett: I... didn't realise. I apologise
  • Dorian: Oh no need. In fact, it makes you one of the friendliest southerners I've met so far!
  • ---
  • Dorian: So-
  • Garrett: Not now
  • Dorian: I haven't even said anything
  • Garrett: I'm not up for talking at the moment. Please, just not now
  • Varric: Leave him alone, Sparkler. Everyone has their days
  • ---
  • Garrett: So you actually read Varric's books then?
  • Dorian: Not all of them. I tried reading that romance, Swords and Shields, per Cassandra's recommendation. I felt my IQ drop after the first sentence
  • Garrett: The Seeker recommended it? Varric will have a field day with that
  • Dorian: Well would you look at that? A smile! I feel blessed
  • Garrett: *sighs* And now you've ruined it
  • ---
  • Dorian: So... you're interested in men, are you?
  • Garrett: And married
  • Dorian: Well I noticed /that/. You and Fenris can barely keep your hands off of each other. I was just wondering...
  • Garrett: What?
  • Dorian: Never mind. Let's go back to you scowling at me whenever I walked into the room, that was much more comfortable
  • ---
  • (After Dorian's personal quest)
  • Garrett: The other day, when you brought up my preference for men, were you going to ask about my father when he found out?
  • Dorian: Ah, I've been had, have I?
  • Garrett: It would seem so. Do you still want to know?
  • Dorian: So long as it doesn't end with 'and then he decided to try a blood ritual to make me acceptable'
  • Garrett: Nothing like that. I was about seventeen when I realised, nineteen when I finally told him. It wasn't easy. I was terrified actually
  • Dorian: You were scared he wouldn't approve. I understand. What did he do, when you told him?
  • Garrett: He and my mother sat there and they listened. And when it was done, they just hugged me, told me they loved me, and that was it
  • Dorian: I see. You were lucky to have parents so ready to accept you as you were
  • Garrett: I was. And maybe you might be too, if your father's serious about making amends
  • Dorian: Maybe. I'd like to think he is
  • ---
  • Dorian: So your brother is a Grey Warden?
  • Garrett: He is. My fault, I'm afraid
  • Dorian: How so? I take it you didn't make him do it on a dare?
  • Garrett: I let him have his way. I let him go on that damned Deep Roads Expedition because he'd have thrown a fit over it otherwise
  • Dorian: He caught the Blight, I take it?
  • Garrett: Yes. And if not for Anders knowing where to find Grey Wardens, he would have died
  • Dorian: That hardly makes it your fault. Sounds more like rotten luck to me
  • Garrett: If I'd just made him stay at home-
  • Dorian: He'd have thrown a fit and done something equally stupid to spite you, I'm sure
  • Carver: I'm standing right here you know
  • Dorian: Oh I'm well aware
  • ---
  • Dorian: You know I always thought that Varric made that up
  • Garrett: *groans* Dare I even ask...
  • Dorian: You'd really never kissed anyone before Fenris? And he was your first time too? My, how romantic
  • Garrett: I am going to kill Varric...
  • Dorian: And here I thought we were past the 'you scowling at my mere presence' stage
  • ---
  • Garrett: So, you and Farier?
  • Dorian: Ah, you are curious? Well, I do love talking about me, so there's no harm in indulging you
  • Garrett: *chuckles* How on earth does he put up with you?
  • Farier: Well see, he does this thing with his tongue where he-
  • Dorian: Amatus!
  • Farier: *smugly* What? You use your tongue to talk, don't you?
  • Dorian: Oh, you little-!
  • Garrett: *laughs*
  • ---
  • Dorian: So... open to a friendly wager, Garrett?
  • Garrett: Hardly. The last time I wagered anything, it involved Isabela winning my clothes at cards and me running home with a bucket to cover my privates
  • Dorian: *laughs* Quite the image! Now that's a story I have to hear
  • Varric: I'll tell you all about it back at camp, Sparkler
  • Marian: You can see it first hand if you get him drunk enough
  • Dorian: And now I have my next endeavour all planned out
  • Garrett: Maker, no. Just no
  • ---
  • Garrett: So, out of curiosity, what did you want to wager on?
  • Dorian: Interested are we?
  • Garrett: Hardly, just curious as to what you were going to propose
  • Dorian: Well it's not fun if we don't wager. Varric put in for ten royals already on the odds of three-to-one
  • Garrett: In favour of what?
  • Dorian: I'm only telling those who are betting
  • ---
  • Garrett: Fine, just tell me what we're betting on
  • Dorian: Aha! Knew your curiosity would win out. We're betting on our dear Inquisitor's chances for success
  • Garrett: You're... betting on whether or not she'll die? That's rather morbid
  • Dorian: Not dying per say, though I suppose that will be the outcome if Corypheus isn't stopped. So, your wager?
  • Garrett: Not my trousers, that's for damn sure
  • Dorian: *laughs* Blast, and to think I could have owned the trousers of the Champion of Kirkwall!
  • Sera: I could pants him for you!
  • Garrett: Don't even think about it
  • Sera: *cackles* Too late!
  • Garrett: She's joking... Right?
  • Dorian: My dear Garrett, I'd watch myself from now on if I were you
  • ---
  • Dorian: So I sated your curiosity on our bet, now sate mine. Why /were/ you always scowling at me?
  • Garrett: I didn't even realise I was doing it before you pointed it out
  • Dorian: Nonsense, there must have been a reason. I /did/ hear you duelled Danarius and had a part in his death
  • Garrett: True. And I still have the scars to prove it
  • Dorian: So is it because I was nearly a magister? I take it that it's not because I'm from Tevinter, considering your choice in marital partner
  • Garrett: I... I don't know
  • Dorian: Ah, perhaps you feared I would harm Fenris in some way? I imagine he paints quite a picture of the Imperium
  • Garrett: Just... stop. I don't want to talk about this anymore
  • Dorian: Very well. Shall we talk about me instead? I do love that topic
  • ---
  • Dorian: Are they always that loud?
  • Garrett: Try sleeping next door to them. I think they do it on purpose
  • Dorian: Have you ever tried-?
  • Garrett: Yes, and it doesn't work. Trust me
  • Dorian: You must have gotten back at them somehow. I doubt Fenris would let it go
  • Garrett: *smugly* Well we did book them for the Bad Girl Special at the Blooming Rose once
  • Dorian: What-?
  • Marian: I still hate you for that
  • Garrett: I know. And it was worth it
  • ---
  • Dorian: You... really remember nothing?
  • Garrett: Not really. Only what I've been told since waking up
  • Dorian: Hm. When the Nightmare stole Lyris' memories, it only took her memories of the Conclave... Perhaps it was your extended contact with the demon that did it
  • Garrett: Do you think it will come back?
  • Dorian: I don't know. But if there is a chance, I am happy to help however I can
  • Garrett: Thank you Dorian
  • Dorian: Hmph, of course it took a memory wipe for you to say that to me
  • ---
  • Dorian: Lothering?
  • Garrett: Darkspawn
  • Dorian: Cheery. Kirkwall?
  • Garrett: Home
  • Dorian: Fenris?
  • Garrett: Husband
  • Dorian: Are you saying that because you know it, or because you feel it?
  • Garrett: ...both
  • Dorian: Hm... Ah. Dorian?
  • Garrett: *smugly* Scowling
  • Dorian: Aha, you /are/ starting to remember properly now, aren't you?
  • ---
  • Garrett: Thank you Dorian
  • Dorian: Well, I won't be one to refuse thanks but I usually like to know what I'm being thanked for
  • Garrett: For helping me remember. I was a bit of an arse to you in the beginning, wasn't I?
  • Dorian: Well you didn't spit when we met. It's more than I can say for the blacksmith
  • Garrett: *sighs* And there goes the moment...
  • ---
  • Garrett: So, Dorian...
  • Dorian: Ah, are we back to scowling now I am to be a true Magister? Don't worry, I won't hold it against you. I've even been practicing my maniacal laugh
  • Garrett: I just wanted to offer my sympathies for your father's death. I know how hard it is to lose a parent
  • Dorian: *sympathetically* Or two, in your case. I appreciate the sentiment, though I'd rather not speak at length about it
  • Garrett: Of course. Have you at least had your grapes peeled for you since being back in Tevinter?
  • Dorian: *laughs* No, but it is at the top of my list when I take my seat in the Magesterium. Along with trying to drag the Imperium back out of the muck, though that's a slightly more long term goal I'm afraid
  • Garrett: I'd heard a few rumours about that. You really think you can do it?
  • Dorian: Maybe, maybe not. But if I don't try, who will?
  • Garrett: True enough. If you ever need anything...
  • Dorian: Oh perish the thought. I believe you've been through enough, my friend. Only fate would be unkind enough to saddle you with yet more trouble after all of this
31 things I learned in the first 31 days of 2016

1. Home is not a place, but the people you surround yourself with. 
Having spent the first seconds of 2016 in New York with my best friend and her family, the year started out great. I wasn’t physically at home, yet I had never felt so at home in my life. When the ball dropped and everyone’s glasses clinked together in celebration, I found myself delighted to be a part of not one, but two families. I was home.

2. Facetiming your dog really does brighten your day.

3. There’s something about road tripping with your best friend with music blaring as loud as it goes, that makes you forget everything you’ve ever worried about. 
These are the times you’ll remember. You and your bff. Sitting in the backseat of the car, singing Jonas Brothers 2007 top hits at the top of your lungs. These are the moments. You won’t remember tripping on that ice patch in front of a group of teenagers walking back from class. You won’t remember how you were forced to sit alone at lunch one day and spent the entirety of it feeling your face burn hotter than the sun. You wont remember any of it, so stop worrying, and start living.

4. Three isn’t a crowd when you surround yourself with the right people.

5. Feel everything. There’s a difference between living and existing. 
Feel hurt. Feel ache. Feel butterflies in your stomach before entering the busy cafeteria because your anxiety doesn’t ever leave you alone. Feel your skin burning when you look like crap in public and a group of good looking people stare you down. Feel brand new again when you go outside and the sun kisses your cheeks for the first time in days. Feel everything- good or bad. It’s the only way you’ll exist in this world. (And hey, if you’re like me, you’ll get some great writing out of it too).

6. You’ll experience serendipitous encounters of joy when you stop searching for them.

7. Pain is good for you.
If we didn’t experience hurt, we wouldn’t know the capacity of our strength. You live and you learn and you grow, and only through pain do you build yourself up enough to see what you’re really capable of handling. Everybody in the world is a little bit broken, one way or another- it’s how the light gets in.

8. Just because you’d take a bullet for someone, doesn’t mean they’d do the same for you.

9. You’ll find little parts of your family in everywhere you go and everything you do.
When you’re walking through Kroger and you’re in a hurry and you can’t find the olives for the life of you, there’s no doubt you’ll think of your mom. You’ll feel frustrated and nostalgic all at once because you know if she was here she’d laugh and whisper “isle three” and your search would be over. When I’m walking through the mall, minding my own business, and develop a headache because two siblings won’t stop screaming at each other, I’ll think of my siblings, and I’ll probably smile.

10. It’s more than okay to be yourself; you don’t owe anybody an explanation for who you are.

11. You have to stop making excuses for people that continue to hurt you.
Love will make you do crazy things. Your heart will spend every day fighting your head, and it’ll leave you in shambles with nothing but confusion. When the person you love puts you on a shelf for weeks or even months and only talks to you when they decide it’s convenient for them, you HAVE to walk away. You’re afraid because this feeling is so real and so raw and you’re terrified that you’ll never feel it again but you WILL. It’ll be the hardest thing you’ll ever have to do in your life and it’ll hurt like hell but toxic relationships are a drug and you deserve better than to be hooked on someone who hurts you 90% of the time; don’t hang on for that last 10%, you deserve more. Walk away, your heart will break but it’ll heal; it always heals.

12. Sometimes the best cure to a bad day is a good cry.

13. You’ll get closer to your little sister, the further away you are from her.
Since the day I moved into college I’ve missed my little sister, but not the way I do now. When the new year rolled around and it was time for me to move back into school, I think it hit me that I’ve only really spent maybe 10 days out of the last five months with her. January has brought me a lot of loneliness and heartache, and I miss her curative laugh. Even though she’s a whole six years younger than me, she teaches me things about myself that I never knew I needed. In the time we spend apart, I feel closer to her than I ever have before.

14. Catching up with friends you haven’t talked to in forever is good for the soul.

15. Sometimes being selfish is the best thing for you. 
The most important thing I’ve learned is that there’s a difference between being selfish because you don’t care about anyone but yourself, and being selfish because you need to love yourself for a change, too. While you’re so busy making sure everybody else is alright, you just might be crumbling. Cancel your plans with your friends for a day if you have to. Lie in your bed all day eating chocolate and reading a book; you don’t always have to go out and please somebody; let yourself come first.

16. You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t have an occasional breakdown. There’s no shame in crying in public.

17. Saying goodbye to someone you care about never gets easier, no matter how many times you do it, and that’s perfectly okay. 
As I boarded my flight back home after spending a week with my best friend, my heart was heavier than it had been in months. You’d think I’d be a pro at saying goodbye to her by now, as it’s something I’ve done a number of times before. Yet, I still felt broken. I was 32,000 feet up in the air and only 32 seconds away from tears streaming down my face when I realized that it was okay to feel like this. Of course it’s going to hurt if it means something to you. And she does; she means the world to me.

18. Don’t let the opinions and judgements of others lead you astray from who you are.

19. Occasional “treat yourself” days are a must. 
I’m a broke college student, so naturally I’m as cheap as they come; I typically won’t spend more than $10 on an article of clothing, and even that is a stretch for me. Thrift stores are my best friend. Sometimes though, shopping is therapeutic. Spend a little extra money on yourself; get your nails done, buy yourself a large milkshake instead of a small. Spend $30 once a while to go see your favorite band play, they’ll mend every scar on your heart and leave you smiling for days. It’s the little things in your everyday life that make all the difference in the world. Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it can buy memories, and those are one in the same if you ask me.

20. Saying “Hi” when you pass the people who have hurt you makes you feel powerful and at peace.

21. Take pictures of EVERYTHING. Memories are the most important thing you’ll ever have and are the only thing you’re guaranteed to never lose. 
I used to get self conscious when pursing my love of photography in public. People would stare at me like I was crazy for taking a picture of my brand new fancy shoes. Try not to care what the people in the booth across from you think if you take a selfie with your sister at dinner, do it if it makes you happy; freeze the moment in time so you can remember it for the rest of your life. Document everything. I never want to forget these moments, even if they’re something as small at walking to the park with my dog. Life is short; each and every day is all at once, a mixture of beauty, cruelty, and pleasure, and pictures are proof that you survived each and every one of them.

22. Don’t let the possibility of failure keep you from having a blast.

23. Music has a way of unclogging your thought clouded head. 
Having yet another rough day, my friends and I decided, spontaneously, to go to a free concert held on campus. I didn’t know a single word to a single song but there was something about the sweaty bass and the lead singer’s beach blonde perfect hair that made me feel alive in my own skin for the first time in forever. Music has a way of making you feel infinite during the times when you need it the most.

24. Distraction is the best medicine for heartbreak. Go out and explore the world and you’re guaranteed to fall in love all over again.

25. Talking to your mom really does make everything better for the time being. 
I was sitting in my dorm after having a rather shitty day, and decided to call my mom, just to catch up. As soon as she picked up and I heard the excitement in her voice from hearing mine, I started bawling. There was zero control over my tears as they forced their way down my cheeks. I told my mom everything, and even though we’re miles apart, I felt as if we were together, and somehow, she had made everything more than okay again. You never outgrow your mom.

26. As annoying as little siblings are, they’re a blessing.

27. Writing is one of the most therapeutic things you can do.
As a writing major, I’ve known forever that writing can be remedial. This year, my new year’s resolution was to write a journal entry at least once a day. I’ve made it a habit of mine to make sure I never leave my dorm without my journal, since I never know when a moment of inspiration might strike. As I’ve made it very clear throughout this post, this month was not an easy one for me. It really is amazing how much better I feel after jotting down every emotion I feel, down to the very core of my mind. When you’re not having a good day, pouring yourself into your writing and being as raw as you possibly can, drains all of the pain. All of the hurt that you have bottled up, is now out in the open, plastered to a page instead of etched on your heart, and trust me, it’s one of the most refreshing things you’ll ever feel.

28. There’s something about walking to class in the pouring rain with your headphones blaring the words you’re too afraid to say aloud, that makes you feel alive.

29. In time your heart will begin to conform to its new reality. 
This may sound cliché but it’s something I’ve experienced recently. One week your heart is completely shattered and the next week you can feel it becoming whole again. Humans are meant to feel everything, good or bad, and after feeling comes accepting your fate. It’s been about three weeks since an important part of my world came crashing down and after surrounding myself with loving friends and family, the cliché has been proven; I can feel the broken pieces inside of me starting to stick together again.

30. Discovering new music never gets less exciting.

31. The January Blues most definitely exist. 
Maybe it’s walking to class everyday in freezing cold temperatures when I’d rather be sleeping. Maybe it’s because I stay up until 2am studying biology terms and will probably still end up failing the test because I’m exhausted. Or maybe it’s because I’m missing my mom’s home cooked meals when I’m tired of eating cafeteria slop for the millionth day in a row. I don’t know what it is, but I’m feeling depressed. The sun has only really been out 12 days out of the 31 and I don’t think I can take another day of seeing nothing but grey and white outside my window. It’s nothing serious, January sucks the life out of everyone.

I’m trying to find the words to describe what I feel about this tour but.. I can’t. There’s just so much.
I remember that May 5th, I was going to bed and checking tumblr to see if there had been any news yet, but it was too early. So I woke up the next day and I remember having breakfast looking for pictures or videos. I remember being on the car on my way to school and seeing the light-up bracelets thing. I watched two videos that morning, one of them was of the whole stadium lit up, and I think the other one was of I Knew You Were Trouble. I remember I had my mouth wide open, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I also remember looping a video that had mashed up the MUCH COOLER THAN MINE and the AND WE RUUUUN every day for like two weeks lmao. And being sad “knowing” that I wouldn’t get to go to this tour just like it happened with all of the other tours.
I remember my mom saying “Caro.. I’m considering taking you to the US to see Taylor” and how much I smiled when she said those words but at the same time not getting my hopes up because I still thought it was impossible. I remember looking at the ticket prices of almost every show and trying to buy Pit tickets but not being able to. And then finding good tickets for the Miami show. I recall buying them on June 13th. Having them in my hands. I would see Taylor. I finally could say that.
I remember counting down the days. I remember checking the countdown thing I had in my phone and seeing “280 days” and suddenly it was 20 days. I remember getting on a plane knowing that I was getting closer and closer to my idol, and to my dreams coming true. I remember getting to the hotel and seeing the arena from the window, all lit up. I remember when the trucks arrived -oh my, I was dying of excitement that day. I remember the day coming closer and closer until it was the day. I was finally going to see the woman who had been my idol for more than three years. I remember going to the venue in the morning and seeing some groups of people already and my stomach felt like a rock because I was so nervous and excited. And telling my mother to wear her keds instead of the high heels she wanted to put on because it would be a long long day and we would have to run. And being at the queue of the merch shop trying to find a picture of Emma aka @taylorslistofexlovers aka my internet best friend so my mom could help me find her and suddenly hearing a loud “CARO!!” and feeling someone’s arms around me (side note: I have tears in my eyes as I’m writing this). I remember meeting @miserablemagics and her squad. And finally getting into the venue and realizing it was so huge and I was in the same place as Taylor was which had never happened to me before. And going to the Taylor Nation booth and meeting Tania ( @tanialovestaylor ) and her being so nice to me. And Vance Joy playing and me starting to realize that it was about to start. I remember listening to the songs waiting for Feel so Close to come up at any minute. And talking (even more) to Emma and hugging her every two seconds because I couldn’t believe I was physically with her. I remember when Feel so Close came up -WHAT A MOMENT. I started to dance and I remember screaming to my mother things like “TAYLORS COMING OKAY” and the happiness on my mother’s face because she had always wanted me to see me happy just like in that moment (side note two: in 2013 for my birthday she posted on my facebook wall and she wrote she hoped that all my dreams came true and she specially mentioned going to Taylor’s concert someday). When Taylor came out I didn’t record it. I wanted to fully live the moment. And I did. I danced until the very end of the concert. I had fun, screamed, jumped, danced, sang. I remember her looking at me and smiling during Shake it Off. And I remember forgetting (pretty ironic, huh?) about loft all night and really enjoying the show. I seriously can’t thank Taylor enough for all of these memories I’ll always keep in my heart.
I remember sitting outside the venue and my mother wanting to get me into loft ilegally lol, and me saying “It seems like it just wasn’t meant to be mom, it’s okay. I still had the best night of my life”. And feeling kinda sad but also not being able to stop smiling because it had happened.
I recall being at the airport, with my light-up bracelet on, thinking about what had happened the night before.
Taylor, thanks for inspiring me, for giving me something so special to share with my mother, for being so nice to everyone, for always being there for me even if it’s through music, for following me on here, for making me so happy. I love you so much.
PS if any of you actually took the time to read this I love you and thank you!


but imagine this concept

haruka nanase, aged 18

know how to user the computer!!!!!



haru knows how to use the computer AND EVEN the internet. he can even type in the address. and write a blog. in fact he’s p popular on pixiv.

(altho he prefers drawr or tegaki because uploading pictures on pixiv is bothersome)

aaaaaaaaaand at first he was drawing only water and water stuff like oceans and waterfalls, and people LOVED THEM (and still do!!) because they were not only aesthetically beautiful but also had Soul, as if the artist was born in that place and knew everything about it. he’s kinda known as that wild dude who draws rad-ass water pics….. but is lazy as heck, as people realised when someone told him to release a book and he was like, ……..that would require me doing addional work. mmmmmgh

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Conrad Knickerbocker, Interview: William S. Burroughs, 35 The Paris Review (1965)
  • Interviewer: When and why did you start to write?
  • William S. Burroughs: I started to write in about 1950; I was thirty-five at the time; there didn't seem to be any strong motivation. I simply was endeavoring to put down in a more or less straightforward journalistic style something about my experiences with addiction and addicts.
  • Interviewer: Why did you start taking drugs?
  • William S. Burroughs: Well, I was just bored. I didn't seem to have much interest in becoming a successful advertising executive or whatever, or living the kind of life Harvard designs for you. After I became addicted in New York in 1944, things began to happen. I got in some trouble with the law, got married, moved to New Orleans, and then went to Mexico.
  • Interviewer: There seems to be a great deal of middle-class voyeurism in this country concerning addiction, and in the literary world, downright reverence for the addict. You apparently don't share these points of view.
  • William S. Burroughs: No, most of it is nonsense. I think drugs are interesting principally as chemical means of altering metabolism and thereby altering what we call reality, which I would define as a more or less constant scanning pattern.
  • Interviewer: What do you think of the hallucinogens and the new psychedelic drugs—LSD-25?
  • William S. Burroughs: I think they're extremely dangerous, much more dangerous than heroin. They can produce overwhelming anxiety states. I've seen people try to throw themselves out of windows; whereas the heroin addict is mainly interested in staring at his own toe. Other than deprivation of the drug, the main threat to him is an overdose. I've tried most of the hallucinogens without an anxiety reaction, fortunately. LSD-25 produced results for me similar to mescaline. Like all hallucinogens, LSD gave me an increased awareness, more a hallucinated viewpoint than any actual hallucination. You might look at a doorknob and it will appear to revolve, although you are conscious that this is the result of the drug. Also, van Goghish colors, with all those swirls, and the crackle of the universe.
  • Interviewer: Have you read Henri Michaux's book on mescaline?
  • William S. Burroughs: His idea was to go into his room and close the door and hold in the experiences. I had my most interesting experiences with mescaline when I got outdoors and walked around—colors, sunsets, gardens. It produces a terrible hangover, though, nasty stuff. It makes one ill and interferes with coordination. I've had all the interesting effects I need, and I don't want any repetition of those extremely unpleasant physical reactions.
  • Interviewer: The visions of drugs and the visions of art don't mix?
  • William S. Burroughs: Never. The hallucinogens produce visionary states, sort of, but morphine and its derivatives decrease awareness of inner processes, thoughts, and feelings. They are painkillers, pure and simple. They are absolutely contraindicated for creative work, and I include in the lot alcohol, morphine, barbiturates, tranquilizers—the whole spectrum of sedative drugs. As for visions and heroin, I had a hallucinatory period at the very beginning of addiction, for instance, a sense of moving at high speed through space. But as soon as addiction was established, I had no visions—vision—at all and very few dreams.
  • Interviewer: Why did you stop taking drugs?
  • William S. Burroughs: I was living in Tangier in 1957, and I had spent a month in a tiny room in the Casbah staring at the toe of my foot. The room had filled up with empty Eukodol cartons; I suddenly realized I was not doing anything. I was dying. I was just apt to be finished. So I flew to London and turned myself over to Dr. John Yerbury Dent for treatment. I'd heard of his success with the apomorphine treatment. Apomorphine is simply morphine boiled in hydrochloric acid; it's nonaddictive. What the apomorphine did was to regulate my metabolism. It's a metabolic regulator. It cured me physiologically. I'd already taken the cure once at Lexington, and although I was off drugs when I got out, there was a physiological residue. Apomorphine eliminated that. I've been trying to get people in this country interested in it, but without much luck. The vast majority—social workers, doctors—have the cop's mentality toward addiction. A probation officer in California wrote me recently to inquire about the apomorphine treatment. I'll answer him at length. I always answer letters like that.
  • Interviewer: Have you had any relapses?
  • William S. Burroughs: Yes, a couple. Short. Both were straightened out with apomorphine, and now heroin is no temptation for me. I'm just not interested. I've seen a lot of it around. I know people who are addicts. I don't have to use any willpower. Dr. Dent always said there is no such thing as willpower. You've got to reach a state of mind in which you don't want it or need it.
  • Interviewer: You regard addiction as an illness but also a central human fact, a drama?
  • William S. Burroughs: Both, absolutely. It's as simple as the way in which anyone happens to become an alcoholic. They start drinking, that's all. They like it, and they drink, and then they become alcoholic. I was exposed to heroin in New York—that is, I was going around with people who were using it; I took it; the effects were pleasant. I went on using it and became addicted. Remember that if it can be readily obtained, you will have any number of addicts. The idea that addiction is somehow a psychological illness is, I think, totally ridiculous. It's as psychological as malaria. It's a matter of exposure. People, generally speaking, will take any intoxicant or any drug that gives them a pleasant effect if it is available to them. In Iran, for instance, opium was sold in shops until quite recently, and they had three million addicts in a population of twenty million. There are also all forms of spiritual addiction. Anything that can be done chemically can be done in other ways, that is, if we have sufficient knowledge of the processes involved. Many policemen and narcotics agents are precisely addicted to power, to exercising a certain nasty kind of power over people who are helpless. The nasty sort of power-- white junk, I call it—rightness; they're right, right, right—and if they lost that power, they would suffer excruciating withdrawal symptoms. The picture we get of the whole Russian bureaucracy, people who are exclusively preoccupied with power and advantage, this must be an addiction. Suppose they lose it? Well, it's been their whole life.
  • Interviewer: Can you amplify your idea of junk as image?
  • William S. Burroughs: It's only a theory and, I feel, an inadequate one. I don't think anyone really understands what a narcotic is or how it works, how it kills pain. My idea is sort of a stab in the dark. As I see it, what has been damaged in pain is, of course, the image, and morphine must in some sense replace this. We know it blankets the cells and that addicts are practically immune to certain viruses, to influenza and respiratory complaints. This is simple because the influenza virus has to make a hole in the cell receptors. When those are covered, as they are in morphine addiction, the virus can't get in. As soon as morphine is withdrawn, addicts will immediately come down with colds and often with influenza.
  • Interviewer: Certain schizophrenics also resist respiratory disease.
  • William S. Burroughs: A long time ago I suggested there were similarities in terminal addiction and terminal schizophrenia. That was why I made the suggestion that they addict these people to heroin, then withdraw it and see if they could be motivated; in other words, find out whether they'd walk across the room and pick up a syringe. Needless to say, I didn't get very far, but I think it would be interesting.
  • Interviewer: Narcotics, then, disturb normal perception—
  • William S. Burroughs: And set up instead a random craving for images. If drugs weren't forbidden in America, they would be the perfect middle-class vice. Addicts would do their work and come home to consume the huge dose of images awaiting them in the mass media. Junkies love to look at television. Billie Holiday said she knew she was going off drugs when she didn't like to watch TV. Or they'll sit and read a newspaper or magazine, and by God, read it all. I knew this old junkie in New York, and he'd go out and get a lot of newspapers and magazines and some candy bars and several packages of cigarettes and then he'd sit in his room and he'd read those newspapers and magazines right straight through. Indiscriminately. Every word.
  • Interviewer: Marshall McLuhan said that you believed heroin was needed to turn the human body into an environment that includes the universe. But from what you've told me, you're not at all interested in turning the body into an environment.
  • William S. Burroughs: No, junk narrows consciousness. The only benefit to me as a writer (aside from putting me into contact with the whole carny world) came to me after I went off it. What I want to do is to learn to see more of what's out there, to look outside, to achieve as far as possible a complete awareness of surroundings. Beckett wants to go inward. First he was in a bottle and now he is in the mud. I am aimed in the other direction—outward.
  • Interviewer: Mary McCarthy has commented on the carnival origins of your characters in Naked Lunch. What are their other derivations?
  • William S. Burroughs: The carny world was the one I exactly intended to create—a kind of midwestern, small-town, cracker-barrel, pratfall type of folklore, very much my own background. That world was an integral part of America and existed nowhere else, at least not in the same form. My family was southern on my mother's side. My grandfather was a circuit-riding Methodist minister with thirteen children. Most of them went up to New York and became quite successful in advertising and public relations. One of them, an uncle, was a master image maker, Ivy Lee, Rockefeller's publicity manager.
  • Interviewer: Earlier you mentioned that if junk had done nothing else, it at least put you in contact with the carny world.
  • William S. Burroughs: Yes, the underworld, the old-time thieves, pickpockets, and people like that. They're a dying race; very few of those old-timers left. Yeah, well, they were show business.
  • Interviewer: What's the difference between the modern junkie versus the 1944 junkie?
  • William S. Burroughs: For one thing, all these young addicts; that was quite unknown in 1944. Most of the ones I knew were middle-aged men or old. I knew some of the old-time pickpockets and sneak thieves and shortchange artists. They had something called The Bill, a shortchange deal. I've never been able to figure out how it works. One man I knew beat all the cashiers in Grand Central with this thing. It starts with a twenty-dollar bill. You give them a twenty-dollar bill and then when you get the change you say, “Well, wait a minute, I must have been dreaming, I've got the change after all.” First thing you know, the cashier's short ten dollars. One day this shortchange artist went to Grand Central, even though he knew it was burned down, but he wanted to change twenty dollars. Well, a guy got on the buzzer and they arrested him. When they got up in court and tried to explain what had happened, none of them could do it. I keep stories like this in my files.
  • Interviewer: Do you think of the artist at all as being a con man?
  • William S. Burroughs: In a sense. You see, a real con man is a creator. He creates a set. No, a con man is more a movie director than a writer. The Yellow Kid created a whole set, a whole cast of characters, a whole brokerage house, a whole bank. It was just like a movie studio.
  • Interviewer: What about addicts?
  • William S. Burroughs: Well, there will be a lot of morphine addiction. Remember that there were a great many addicts at that time. Jesse James was an addict. He started using morphine for a wound in his lung, and I don't know whether he was permanently addicted, but he tried to kill himself. He took sixteen grains of morphine and it didn't kill him, which indicates a terrific tolerance. So he must have been fairly heavily addicted. A dumb, brutal hick; that's what he was, like Dillinger. And there were so many genteel old ladies who didn't feel right unless they had their Dr. Jones mixture every day.
  • Interviewer: What other character types interest you?
  • William S. Burroughs: Not the people in advertising and television, nor the American postman or middle-class housewife; not the young man setting forth. The whole world of high finance interests me, the men such as Rockefeller who were specialized types of organisms that could exist in a certain environment. He was really a moneymaking machine, but I doubt that he could have made a dime today because he required the old laissez-faire capitalism. He was a specialized monopolistic organism. My uncle Ivy created images for him. I fail to understand why people like J. Paul Getty have to come on with such a stuffy, uninteresting image. He decides to write his life history. I've never read anything so dull, so absolutely devoid of any spark. Well, after all, he was quite a playboy in his youth. There must have been something going on. None of it's in the book. Here he is, the only man of enormous wealth who operates alone, but there's nobody to present the image. Well, yes, I wouldn't mind doing that sort of job myself. I'd like to take somebody like Getty and try to find an image for him that would be of some interest. If Getty wants to build an image, why doesn't he hire a first-class writer to write his story? For that matter, advertising has a long way to go. I'd like to see a story by Norman Mailer or John O'Hara which just makes some mention of a product, say, Southern Comfort. I can see the O'Hara story. It would be about someone who went into a bar and asked for Southern Comfort; they didn't have it, and he gets into a long, stupid argument with the bartender. It shouldn't be obtrusive; the story must be interesting in itself so that people read this just as they read any story in Playboy, and Southern Comfort would be guaranteed that people will look at that advertisement for a certain number of minutes. You see what I mean? They'll read the story. Now, there are many other ideas; you could have serialized comic strips, serial stories. Well, all we have to do is have James Bond smoking a certain brand of cigarettes.
  • Interviewer: In some respects, Nova Express seems to be a prescription for social ailments. Do you see the need, for instance, of biologic courts in the future?
  • William S. Burroughs: Certainly. Science eventually will be forced to establish courts of biologic mediation, because life-forms are going to become more incompatible with the conditions of existence as man penetrates further into space. Mankind will have to undergo biologic alterations ultimately, if we are to survive at all. This will require biologic law to decide what changes to make. We will simply have to use our intelligence to plan mutations, rather than letting them occur at random. Because many such mutations—look at the saber-toothed tiger—are bound to be very poor engineering designs. The future, decidedly, yes. I think there are innumerable possibilities, literally innumerable. The hope lies in the development of nonbody experience and eventually getting away from the body itself, away from three-dimensional coordinates and concomitant animal reactions of fear and flight, which lead inevitably to tribal feuds and dissension.
  • Interviewer: You see hope for the human race, but at the same time you are alarmed as the instruments of control become more sophisticated.
  • William S. Burroughs: Well, whereas they become more sophisticated they also become more vulnerable. Time, Life, Fortune applies a more complex, effective control system than the Mayan calendar, but it also is much more vulnerable because it is so vast and mechanized. Not even Henry Luce understands what's going on in the system now. Well, a machine can be redirected. One technical sergeant can fuck up the whole works. Nobody can control the whole operation. It's too complex. The captain comes in and says, “All right, boys, we're moving up.” Now, who knows what buttons to push? Who knows how to get the cases of Spam up to where they're going, and how to fill out the forms? The sergeant does. The captain doesn't know. As long as there're sergeants around, the machine can be dismantled, and we may get out of all this alive yet.
  • Interviewer: Sex seems equated with death frequently in your work.
  • William S. Burroughs: That is an extension of the idea of sex as a biologic weapon. I feel that sex, like practically every other human manifestation, has been degraded for control purposes, or really for antihuman purposes. This whole Puritanism. How are we ever going to find out anything about sex scientifically, when a priori the subject cannot even be investigated? It can't even be thought about or written about. That was one of the interesting things about Reich. He was one of the few people who ever tried to investigate sex—sexual phenomena, from a scientific point of view. There's this prurience and this fear of sex. We know nothing about sex. What is it? Why is it pleasurable? What is pleasure? Relief from tension? Well, possibly.
  • Interviewer: Mary McCarthy has characterized you as a soured utopian. Is that accurate?
  • William S. Burroughs: I do definitely mean what I say to be taken literally, yes, to make people aware of the true criminality of our times, to wise up the marks. All of my work is directed against those who are bent, through stupidity or design, on blowing up the planet or rendering it uninhabitable. Like the advertising people we talked about, I'm concerned with the precise manipulation of word and image to create an action, not to go out and buy a Coca-Cola, but to create an alteration in the reader's consciousness. You know, they ask me if I were on a desert island and knew nobody would ever see what I wrote, would I go on writing. My answer is most emphatically yes. I would go on writing for company. Because I'm creating an imaginary—it's always imaginary—world in which I would like to live.

I seem to have a bunch of new followers. Hi, new followers! Welcome to my flailing. And what better way to welcome them than with an extremely long wall of text. Hooray!

I think most of us agree that our last visit with Mulder and Scully was not all we had hoped for. I personally have a lot of affection for IWTB, but there was PLENTY of room for improvement. My impression was that everybody involved with IWTB was secretly or not-so-secretly looking at it as the first in a renewed franchise – I remember a lot of talk about “well, the next one will be about the mythology.” In other words, IWTB contained a lot of leisurely groundwork-laying, and as it turned out, it was for naught. This time out, I’m pretty sure we’re at the end of the line for X-Files, which is OK (she said bravely) – at least we know it this time. I want them to get it right. And because I’M SURE that all of 1013 closely follows the goings-on of tumblr user myassbrokethefall, I would like to take a look at some of the shortcomings of our previous outing and talk about lessons learned and how we can do better this time. And by “we,” I mean “I have nothing whatsoever to do with it, but I am overinvested.” Since we just found out that CC hasn’t started writing anything yet, THERE IS STILL TIME.

And so I present:

The Top 6 (because that was how many I felt like writing) Things Wrong with IWTB (and What to Do Instead)

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anonymous asked:

what does your dream home look like? Where is it?

I have many dream homes envisioned in my head, but the most realistic one/ the one I’m aiming for is a quaint, adorable little log house with a wrap around porch. The logs all look v natural and a bit old, and the house has an overall witchy vibe. There are plants all around it and vines and wisteria coiled around the porch. The door is medieval looking and has a cool af knocker (probs a dragon one). Inside there is a sunken living room straight ahead, with lots of places to sit and a beautiful stone fireplace, which heats the whole house. When you walk in the front door, to your left is the kitchen. It’s a very open floorplan so you can see the living room from the kitchen. The kitchen has beautiful gemstone countertops, probably labradorite but I’m not too picky, and dark wooden cabinets. Walk through the kitchen and there’s a cute little dining room on the other side. That side of the house is pretty much all windows, like a sun room. The dining room is small, because we wouldn’t need a large table. There are always fresh flowers from our garden in a vase in the middle. You can sit at the dining room and watch the horses run around in the pasture while you eat your breakfast. Along the wall of windows is like a really long bench, almost like a long bay window where you can sit and read a book or sip on your tea while you look off into the pastures and forests outside. It’ll be a little to confusing to explain where the bedrooms are but there are three of them (although there might have to be more depending on the amount of children we have, but we can always build on so). There’s the master bedroom which isn’t huge, but big enough to fit a king size bed and some bedroom furniture. I think the style of this room would have quite a medieval feel. A big canopy bed, and old wooden furniture I think. The walls would probably be a deep red unless they’re wooden. Still not sure. There’s a bathroom attached to the master, with a huge, really nice tub with a large window beside it (which is like clouded so no one can see you) but it lets so much light in and it makes sitting in the tub very relaxing.  One of the other rooms would be a sort of computer room/office type thing, which might later be converted into a bedroom for an adopted child. The other bedroom would be a bedroom either for the daughter we already have, or for guests to stay until we did have a daughter. And that room would probably be designed very nature-inspired. Around the house there would be medieval items like swords and shields and old chandeliers and stuff like that. There would also be crystals EVERYWHERE, certain ones to bring certain energies into each room. Also lots of plants!!! 

There would be some sort of shed or tree house or something outside, most likely a greenhouse converted into a work space for me to make jewelry or whatever else that’s artsy that I’ll be making. That way I’m surrounded by the flowers and plants of the garden, I get to be outside, and I get all the natural light from the windows but I can go out there in the rain and everything will stay dry and not get ruined.

I’m gonna include the yard bc I’m having fun. Basically we live in the forest with mountains surrounding us. Not huge rocky ones (those are slightly further out), but the shorter ones that take about 1.5-2 hours to hike to the top. Our property is mostly cleared out, though. We have a few acres where the barn (4-6 stall?), paddocks, and pastures for the horses are. Beyond that we have a small hay field, just enough to supply for our own horses. There’s a path in the middle of the hay field that leads to a meadow of tall green grass and tons of wildflowers. The path continues to a pond at the end of the meadow, just before the forest starts. This pond is home to lots of wildlife and we leave that area as natural as possible. Back near the house we have a huge garden (picture The Secret Garden, but without the walls), with lots of wildflowers and other flowers and plants, growing to look like a magical faerieland instead of a regular garden. There are tiny stone paths and benches and tree stumps to sit on and in the prettiest spot there is a small fancy glass table with two matching chairs so sit in with my love and drink tea and have lunch or whatever. There’s also a veggie garden with enough veggies to sustain us so we don’t have to buy them, and we also sell whatever we don’t eat at local markets or just from our house. Or we give them to neighbours bc we’re just that nice aha. There are trails all throughout the forest, to explore for hours on horseback or walking. They’re such beautiful, dense forests, with something very magical about them. Rivers, creeks, and waterfalls run throughout it all, and we often swim in them on hot summer days or peaceful rainy days. Sometimes we take our horses in there too!  

I think that’s about it, I’m gonna draw it out quickly so you can visualize it better. 

There’s a general idea of what I picture.