THIS WAS A REQUEST Plot: Reader is in love with Josh and Starts to eat less. Josh then starts to realize and does something about it. Until the truth reveals it’s self. ;)
This was not my best just going to admit that now.
IF YOU ARE EASLIY TRIGGERED DO NOT READ
Readers Point Of View Another day, Just another day. This time it was raining. I wanted to go walking today with Josh but he had to cancel for some strange reason. It was okay though because I needed time to think by myself. I got on my coat and shoes and went for a walk. Me and Josh did this thing that every Friday we would walk to the store and get a bunch of Junk food and not feel bad about it because we walked. I don’t know.
Just a small way of being by each other more often. I wanted to stay connected with him and at a point in my life he started seeing me less often. So we had this thing that we would go watch a movie every Friday in my room.
It was stupid but fun. Anyways, the point where he was fading away started happening again. But, (YEs conjunctions can began a sentence) but this time I let it happen. I don’t know why I just didn’t want to fight. I started to think about him and all our memories we shared.
I remember this one time where I was feeling spontaneous and tried to climb up his window late at night with McDonalds in my hand. Long story short, I feel and broke my leg.
I remember that he had to carry me into the house and tell his parents. His parents were not happy to wake up at 12:30am and take me to the hospital. I laughed at the memory.
Or the one time where Josh tried to ask this girl out while he was sick and I was watching from a distance trying to encourage him but he sneezed on the girls face by accident. She never talked to Josh again.
We had a lot of memories but my favorite one was when we went to the park late at night and just talked about stupid things as we sat on the swings. We talked about space, aliens, family, and the future. We could talk about anything no matter how much sense it didn’t make.
I smiled like an idiot thinking about all the memories. Then I thought long and hard about Josh. I was falling for Josh. I know this but that doesn’t mean that I was willing to except the fact. I don’t want to ruin our friendship.
The thing is I didn’t even need to be in a relationship with Josh. I just needed to be around him. I don’t know its weird. Soon, coming back to reality I look around me. It was still raining and it was beginning to rain even harder. I continued to walk anyway. Not bothered by the fact. It was calming and I just really needed to think.
I took in my surrounding and realized that I was walking to Josh’s house without knowing it. I was going to turn and go back home but thought it would be a good idea to hang out with his sister, Abby. You guys were close but not as close as me and josh. I stepped on the wet tile steps that led up to the little house. I knocked on the door and waited. While, I was waiting I realized I was drenched with water. Man, I probably look horrible right now.
Before I had time to think about any flaws, the door opened. Showing, Josh’s Mom. She held a cup that I assumed was hot coco.
“Hello, Y/n!” She smiled handing me the cup. “I saw you from across the street and thought you were coming here so I made you some Coco.”
“Oh, Thank you.” I took the cup from her hands and let the warmth of the cup warm up my cold hands. “Oh, Dear you must be freezing! Josh should have clothes in the laundry room that are clean. Hold on a sec.” With that she turned around heading to the laundry room around the corner.
I wonder where Josh was? Maybe, with Tyler. Yea, that made sense. Tyler was his best friend. I looked around the room that I was very familiar with. This house was like my second home. I would probably be here more than my house. I loved it here. Mamma Dun came back with basket ball shorts and an black oversized tee shit.
“Here you are, you know where the bathroom is.” She smiled handing me the clothes. I said a quick thank you and went to the bathroom wanting to get out of these clothes. I had my clothes already in Josh’s room but I didn’t want to go up there right now.
Plus, his clothes were way more comfortable. As soon as I got there I locked the door and took of my shirt. As I did this I caught a glimpse of myself and couldn’t stop staring. No wonder Josh didn’t like me. I was big. I continued to look at myself sadly and pointed out all my flaws.
Yes, I wasn’t the most confident yet I wasn’t as shy. I didn’t care for my looks… Until now. I had singular tears coming out of my eyes. So I looked at my eyes and started to spread my eyelashes apart to make them look dry. Giving the effect that I was never crying.
I waited until my eyes weren’t as red. I looked tired and I was. I wanted nothing more then to lay in my bed and cry my heart out right now. I walk down stairs throwing my wet clothes into the laundry bin.
I sat on the kitchen table where Momma dun now was sitting with Jordan. She was cooking what looked like chicken noodle soup. My favorite.
“Hey Y/n, What’s up.” Jordan smiled.
“Nothing much. How are you?” I asked trying to be polite because his mom was right there. Me and Jordan liked to tease each other a lot but always got in trouble when around parents. We didn’t hate each other it was quite the opposite he was like a big brother to me.
“About to be so much better after Mom gets this soup done.” He said almost drooling over the soup. “Tyler's in the backyard and we’ve been playing basketball so I’m freaken hungry.” Oh, So Josh wasn’t with Tyler. Weird.
“Oh, Y/n. Where are my manners, would you like some soup? Its cold outside so this might warm ya up. I know its your favorite!” Momma Dun offered.
“Umm, No thank you…Um.. Actually have to leave. My um…Mom just texted me saying she wanted me home.” Making up a quick lie trying to get out of this situation. I was honestly starving but I then I thought back to my session in the bathroom. Maybe, I should eat less and go to the gym? Yea, that’s what I'll do.
“Oh, but darling. It’s still raining. Would you like me to drive you?” Momma Dun asks.
“No thanks, I like walking in the rain. It calms me down.” I smiled opening the front door.
I felt bad for leaving so early and that soup looked so good. I sigh. Thinking low about myself was becoming common now a days. Bad habit but a great way to face reality. I don’t know. I just want Josh. The air was misty but it was nice with the breeze. I looked down realizing that I am still wearing Josh’s clothes making me miss him more.
Days like these were nice just thinking but thinking could be deadly yet so welcoming at the same time. The crunch of the leaves were a nice sound under my feet. Rain was coming down and the clouds covered the sun where it once was visible.
I was right next to the playground where Josh and I did this stupid pinky swear that we would stay together forever. Kids were playing on the playground and the parents were on the benches ignoring their children while playing on their phones.
A couple was sat at the benches making out in front of kids. Okay, there goes the peace and now were back to reality. The girl is tiny, with long brown hair and a big coat.
The guy on the other hand had purple hair and was wearing joggers and a white tee shirt. Kinda looks like Josh. Me being me I was curious if was actually Josh. I go closer and sit in the bench next to them. This was weird because I was basically staring at two people making out with a curious face like I’ve never seen it before.
Yes, this was really awkward but the I just wanted t see if it was Josh. The guy soon turned around and began looking around. I then realized that…it wasn’t Josh. I ran away acting as if someone was chasing me. Okay, that just happened. But, it got me thinking.
What would life be like if I was with Josh, like romantically.
(Time skip because I didn’t know where I was going with that) Days had passed and I began controlling what I ate. I wouldn’t give in to the temptations. My routine was to eat a single granola bar in the morning and then go for a run.
Then eat nothing and take an hour break before going to the gym and staying there for the rest of the day. Yes, not healthy but effective. Josh hasn’t been here lately and that’s good because he would have stopped and distracted me. This didn’t feel right, it felt awful actually but it worked and that’s what mattered. I’m killing myself slowly. I realize that but it got addicting.
I was running but this time I got stopped.
“Y/n? What are you doing here? Wait, Y/n stop for a Sec.“ The voice was familiar. What the hell is Josh doing here at this hour?
“umm…What are you doing here?” I asked waiting for an answer trying to hide my body. I really hoped he didn’t notice.
“Y/n, what’s wrong. You never answer my calls anymore, hell not a single text message.” He looked mad. He was mad. I don’t blame him though but he has Tyler to hang out with so why bother.
“I’ve been busy….Look I got to go.” I say quickly trying to run off but Josh grabs my arm.
“Take off your sweater, you look like you’re going to pass out. Okay, something’s not right.” He looked curiously at me. How the hell did he know so fast? I’ve only been here for a few minutes.
“what? no.” I grab my sweater and pull it closer to my body.
“What’s going on? Your face looks way to skinny. Y/n have you been eating? Why would you do that?” My eyes were tearing but I didn’t want him to see me so I ran to my house that was right across the street. Josh didn’t see that coming giving me the upper hand.
“Y/N! Wait.” He chased after me. I run into the house not having time to lock it because he was right outside. I run up to my room and lock the door and slide down the door crying.
“God Y/n, please open the door. Can we just talk, please?" His voice cracked and I chuckled. I just wanted him to leave. I wish I never fell for him.
"Can you please leave. Just go, Josh.” My voice came out more like hiccup rather than my usual.
“Either, you are going to willing open the door or I’m going to pick the lock. I'm coming in either way."
I gave up letting him in not wanting to fight. I get up unlock the door and got hide under the covers. I heard him slowly approach the bed and sit beside the corner.
"Hey.” Josh said softly.
“Hi.” I said with my voice muffled by the covers.
“Okay, lets start easy. Why? Why would you do this?” I could tell he didn’t know how to handle the situation, he wasn’t the best at advice but he tried and that’s what mattered. I was wondering if I should tell him. I decided to say quite not wanting to admit my mistakes.
“Why, cant you tell me? I’m sorry I wasn’t there but I should have been. This is all my fault. I always hurt the ones I love and I hurt you. God, I just don't understand why. Y/n you’re beautiful. God, you’re beautiful. So, why?” Josh was crying.
This I could tell because of his voice. It was no longer full of joy it was bitter and sad. It was terrifying because I’m the one that caused these tear. I thought about what to say and re-spoke his words in my head. Wait, did he say he loved me? I sighed, I’m going to tell him the truth.
“Josh, I know that I’m going to ruin this friendship and I’m not ready for that but, I’m going to tell you the truth. Josh, I have loved you for a long time and I still haven’t accepted it. But, its true. I love you. I did this because I don’t like the way I look and thought that maybe that’s why you didn’t like me. It was stupid I know. I’m sorry." It felt good to get it off my chest but I didn’t want to face him.
So, I closed my eyes and waited for him to say something. But, nothing came. Instead, I felt something on my lip. Was Josh kissing me? What do I do? Oh my god, Y/n kiss back.
So that’s what I did. After a few seconds we pulled away. I opened my eyes and saw Josh smiling.
"Okay, was not expecting back.” I chuckled. "But, I’m glad it happened.“
"Me too. Y/n, I love you too but you don’t need to change yourself for me. I didn’t fall in love with the way looked. That was just a bonus but I adore you just the way you are. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner I was just scared I guess. I couldn’t handle loosing you. But, please you’re an amazing person and I wanted you just the way you are. I love you and I always will. So please, will you be mine?” Josh was starting to go red which was adorable. I can’t believe this was happening.
“Of course, Josh.” I laughed.
“Now, what do you say we cuddle now.” He offered already taking me in his arms. "Well, I guess you don’t have choice.“
I just chuckled and went with it. There was a moment of silence but not an awkward one. It was a comfortable silence. Soon to be broken by Josh.
"Hey Y/n.” Josh said softly against my shoulder.
“Nothing last forever, so will you be my nothing?”
(THIS WAS A REALLY BAD WRITING IM SORRY FOR THAT!!)
so i cook real dinner for myself all the time, but typically like. pasta. or a baked potato. tonight i made myself an actual chicken dinner, which i’ve always been terrified to do because a: salmonella and b: i HAAAAAATE touching raw chicken god. i mean i don’t think anyone ENJOYS touching raw chicken (and if you know someone who does, stay far away from them) but god. i am not squeamish about anything else but it makes my fucking stomach turn.
but i got over it and made honey lime chicken and it was actually fucking delicious! a little charred, but not pink inside, so that’s good. and then i crapped out on a side dish so i made frozen french fries, and let me tell you. it was all very delicious and i’m proud of myself
but eating my ore-ida french fries in knock-off LL Bean house slippers and my ugly halloween sweater, complete with glitter paint and cartoon ghosts, did make me feel like an early-90s midwestern housewife. like the best friend of someone who got kidnapped in an episode of Forensic Files. like the kind of person who had every family photo taken a Glamour Shots. this probably makes no sense to my international followers but my US homies are getting a very vivid picture of my friday night right now