i'll break yours

It’s better to be heartless than to be heart broken.
—  Ten word story

rails switching, tracks collapsing, we have always been a train wreck. you are forever aiming DEAD AHEAD and i lay down at your feet for you to run right over me.

rioting against the time we have, screaming out to heavens and unknown gods WHY CANT YOU SLOW DOWN WHY must you ruin everything you touch? you tear through ghost towns and sheriffs nod their respect back to you, you are a steam powered force to be reckoned with.

i know you wont come back this way, and even if you did i know you’d be on your way with someone else. but you needed me once, to lay parallel my bones for your track to elsewhere, and maybe, just maybe, i could pull myself apart and you’d use me again.

—  i’ll be your train tracks, give me my brain back // Mt

He’s figured out that while jerking his paw away won’t stop me from doing his nails, slowly rolling onto his back and gently pulling his whole leg away will stop me immediately because I cannot handle the cute.

*it looks like he’s baring his teeth but he’s not. His top lip got stuck on his gums.

youtube

Today’s 1990s Music Video of the Day is:
I’ll Never Break Your Heart by the Backstreet Boys, 1998

You see, the problem is: I want it to stop and I want to move on, feel like I can be happy again one day, but I don’t want to forget and let go of what loving you feels like.
—  excerpt from a book I’ll never write #51

are you happy to see me?

it’s been days
since I pushed you away
not much to say
but I’m sorry.

if I were sorry.

I needed the time
to give my armor a shine
I’ve had it a while
it’s gotten dingy.

I built it years ago
while drowning in woe
kept sharing my soul
with people too stingy.

if you wanna love me
you’ll have to learn to be
okay with being
kept at arms length.

my armor is tough
because my life has been rough
I may seem hardy but
I have no real strength.

I really love you
I promise I do
but it’s the truth
I disappear sometimes.

I guess I don’t know
how to let my past go
to be vulnerable
and give you peace of mind.

it’s just that I’m hurting too
when I just want to love you
there’s a lot I could lose
I’m afraid you might leave.

so I try to tempt you
leaving the door askew
I keep expecting you
to turn tail and flee.

but when I come back
stick my head through the crack
I’m still surprised that
you’re still there waiting.

I expect that you’re gone
you keep proving me wrong
but I wonder for how long
will you be happy to see me.

—  [s.bucks]
#90

According to another variation, the wolf-like beast will hunt down and kill Catholics who do not follow the rules of Lent. This coincides with the French Catholic loup-garou stories, according to which the method for turning into a werewolf is to break Lent seven years in a row. [x]” 

my feelings about actual Catholicism are weird and tangled up in family history and unpleasant school experiences, but catholic-adjacent mythology is fucking hysterical, every time.

I think one of the hardest things to accept about love is that just like they love you one day, they can wake up the next and just leave. You don’t get no note, you don’t see it coming, but one day they’re there kissing every inch of you, making promises, holding you when you’re down, belonging to every part of your life, then they leave without regret, just like they arrived. It takes one second. Everything comes crushing to the ground and you try so hard to escape the big pieces falling down from the roof. Accepting that the love you swear they once felt for you is gone, is the most difficult thing you will ever do in your life.
—  excerpt from a book I’ll never write #52

My biggest fear is not you leaving me. It’s not being alone and single for years. It’s not having no one to warm the bed at night.

My biggest fear is waking up one morning, wrinkles lining my face, grey weaving its way into my hair and realising I settled. I settled for a life and a love that didn’t help me grow, that kept me stuck and unfulfilled.

My biggest fear is regretting my life, and not chasing everything I can while I’m still young and foolish enough to believe it’s all going to work out.

—  Excerpt from the book I’ll never write //My biggest fear
4

Margaret and Mary Tudor, princesses and later Dowager Queens, the daughters of Henry VII and Elizabeth of York, the sisters of Henry VIII. Born nearly a decade apart, the two knew little of each other after Margaret departed to Scotland, yet shared the same passionate and self-possessed nature, choosing their own mates to the scandal and scorn of others.

for the lovely @margarettudor