i'd bang harry

things my friends have said to me, without context
  • A compilation of strange things my friends have said to me, without the context of the conversation. Have fun with this.
  • **Warning!! Some starters may suggest nsfw themes**
  • ◉ "I can't hear you, I'm too busy playing with dogs."
  • ◉ "This is really confusing and we're off to a real bad start."
  • ◉ "Do me a huge favor? Hold my sandwich."
  • ◉ "I have a huge picture!! ...Problem. I have a huge PROBLEM."
  • ◉ "I love your spicy nugget."
  • ◉ "I SHAT MY PANTS FOR YOU."
  • ◉ "Apparently God can turn that shit on."
  • ◉ "I wish he was dead, but I still ship it."
  • ◉ "He looks like a foot."
  • ◉ "I live, therefore I must pee."
  • ◉ "These are the worst pancakes I've ever made. What the fuck happened?"
  • ◉ "Get that fake bird out of your hair before I shoot it off your head."
  • ◉ [walks in wearing a kilt] "Don't I look pretty?"
  • ◉ "Fuck you, I'm gonna test out this waffle maker."
  • ◉ [walks outside without pants] "IT'S COLD AS FUCK OUTSIDE."
  • ◉ "It's a freakin' ass cold!"
  • ◉ "Do you remember when I told you about that dream I had? Where Ryan Reynolds was gay for me?"
  • ◉ "I'm not straight, but I'd totally bang Neil Patrick Harris."
  • ◉ "WADDUP HO YOU WANNA GO SEE (insert movie here) FOR THE SEVENTH TIME?"
  • ◉ "WHAT? COOL DUDE."
  • ◉ "He's a creepy duck. He's kinda vicious."
  • ◉ "I don't wanna, but I will to prove a point."
  • ◉ "___, go take a poop."
  • ◉ "Why is Mom a slut?"
  • ◉ "What did ___ get mad about this time?"
  • ◉ "HELLO? POLICE? ARREST THESE HOES."
  • ◉ "I didn't study for my midterm because ___'s face is really fucking distracting."
  • ◉ "I love you in the least heterosexual way."
  • ◉ "Next person to say 'Fuck you' throws away the trash."
  • ◉ "Shit. Where did my dick go?"
  • ◉ "That really tickles my pickle."
  • ◉ "I can't believe 'fondue' is a sexual term as well as a tasty edible thing."
  • ◉ "Can I use fondue while I fondue?"
  • ◉ "I had to stuff mini marshmallows in my ears because the fire alarm went off for twenty fucking minutes."
  • ◉ "I don't know what happened to my roommate. She hasn't come back for like three days."
  • ◉ "Please no I don't think I can watch another crack edit video."
  • ◉ "Wait, I muted the group chat, what happened?"
  • ◉ "FUCK THE CAFETERIA FOOD. WHO WANTS PAPA JOHN'S?"
  • ◉ "I'm getting takeout from Buffalo Wild Wings and NO ONE ELSE BUT ___ CAN COME WITH ME."
  • ◉ "Can you PLEASE tell ___ to stop being a fucking slut?"
  • ◉ "The police are coming for you."
  • ◉ "Well, to quote AWOLNation; ......RUN."
  • ◉ "Shut the fuck up, I'm trying to tell this guy I just met about Captain America."
  • ◉ "What's next on ___ Live? Whatever the fuck this shit is."
  • ◉ "I ATE SONIC TWICE."
  • ◉ "DON'T CALL ME A BUTTFUCK, YOU BUTTFUCK."
  • ◉ "My sociology professor flipped us off today. He said he felt like it."
  • ◉ "I can't believe ___ said they'd fuck their math professor for ten bucks and a Klondike bar."
  • ◉ "Well *I* can't believe they called their dick a KlonDICK bar."
  • ◉ "WELL **I** can't believe the cafeteria doesn't sell Klondike bars."
  • ◉ "The fuck is a 'happy ending'? I only read angsty fanfics."