A/N: This is three steps away from being a shitpost
Kakashi’s that friend that seems cool at first but is actually the biggest dork once you get to know em. He’s all suave in front of other people but when it’s only you two that facade just drops.
“Where did your cool and aloof attitude go?”
“Where all the fucks I gave went”
You know that meme that’s like “she slapped my smirk away but luckily I was wearing a second, smaller smirk underneath” or something? That’s his mask. If someone tries to pull his mask off Kakashi has a second, equally-sized mask underneath so you still don’t see anything.
Steals your food tbh. No one knows how he eats it without someone seeing his face, but he does it. You suspect the mask may just be a very elaborate genjutsu
Got drunk and tried to teach Pakkun how to play fetch. Pakkun did fetch–he fetched Kakashi’s dignity from the trash can and then dragged him home
Replaced all the snacks in the jounin lounge with dog biscuits once. Was subsequently thrown out a window.
Reenacted Diogenes and Plato’s interaction in Plato’s Academy with Jiraiya. Jiraiya was Plato. Kakashi had the chicken.
Sculpted an owl’s head out of a banana. Has not done so since then
Would learn to play the accordion if he ever got his hands on one
Once fought off seven rogue nin using a carton of eggs, a plastic spoon, and a bedsheet
He insists the previous point is true to anyone who will listen
It’s cool to have a spider-man movie where Peter isn’t the main guy so we can see him living and being the iconic super hero he’s supposed to be - rather than seeing him grow into the hero he is supposed to be. From the trailers it looks like Petes already in his prime and I’m so here for that.
Idk why people always portray Alfred as such a righteous and selfless guy like guys I need a fic where he is willing to sell out his friends just because someone gave him a shit load of money. I NEED A FIC WHERE AT FIRST HE SEEM LIKE SUCH A GOOD GUY BUT THEM THIS HANDSOME BUT VERY BAD PERSON COMES UP AND SEDUCES HIM and not with his good looks but WITH MONEY
last year i went to this summer camp for a long weekend and we were all sitting around sharing stories and the conversation took a turn for the dark and we were talking about our scariest moments so for most of us it was shit like “got followed across a parking lot” or “got lost and my phone died” or that kind of thing. anyway so we’re joshing and shit and then this one kid’s turn comes around, and he’s a normal kid, right, nothing apparently weird about him – except we ask what his scariest moment was and he says (deadpan) “i can’t tell any of you that without putting you in danger.”
now OBVIOUSLY we’re not going to let that shit slide so we press him for details and eventually he gives in a little bit and is like “all i can say is that it’s a bad idea to get involved with the mob. don’t do it.” background info about this kid: motherfucker is sixteen at most. and he’s one of those guys who wears polo shirts and irons his jeans. motherfucker presses his socks to get them crisp. motherfucker wears matrix-style sunglasses and forgets to rub in the sunscreen on his nose. you look at him and you think his scariest moment is getting lost in a whole foods. you look at him and think his scariest moment is doing 45 in a 30. you look at him and you think his scariest moment is one of his friends offering to share a blunt. on a list of people in the world ranked from most to least likely to be involved with the mob, this kid is sitting squarely between ronald mcdonald and a bowl of vanilla pudding.
at any rate, we decide that he’s probably fucking with us, but he point blank refuses to say anything else, so we let it be and move on, nbd. and i’d assume he made it up to seem interesting, except we keep cracking jokes about it and he gets fucking pissed. starts going off about how his friend died because the two of them got mixed up with “the wrong people.” then when we point out how he could’ve easily made that up too, and he reaches into his wallet and he pulls out someone else’s driver’s license, which apparently he kept on him as a memento of them or w/e, as proof of his story. a legit license and everything, with a watermark, issued a few years ago. my first assumption is that it’s just an old fake ID, but the name on the license isn’t his, and the kid on the license doesn’t look anything like him. so we kind of go “… uh, okay, sure” because we don’t want to beef over this literally insignificant thing and he looks really worked up about it. it doesn’t come up again.
i still think about that kid. like i know it was probably all bullshit and he was never involved with the mob in his life, but even then, i kind of wonder where he got the driver’s license.