i would like some cheese for this whine

elements1999  asked:

"You can trust me." - DJNoir (reveal?)

::Cackles in glee:: Yeeeeeessssssss Ninoir! 

“Come on this way,” Nino shouted grabbing the frantic looking boy by the hand and practically dragging him towards a small storage closet across from the library. They ran, both conscious of the high pitched beeps signaling the final minute. 

Nino through open the door to the closet and Chat Noir dove inside, slamming the door behind him just as a flash of brilliant green light burst out from the crack at the bottom of the door. 

Nino slumped to the floor, his back pressed against the closet door and his breathing heavy. That had been close. 

“You ok in their dude?” he asked between gasps. 

“Yeah, thanks,” came the nervous reply from the other side of the door. The voice sounded softer somehow. Probably a result of the lack of transformation. 

“Don’t worry, I promise I won’t try to look or anything,” Nino said, “you can trust me.” 

“I know,” Chat Noir replied. Nino flushed with pleasure at the indisputable certainty in the heroes voice. 

“Can I get you anything? Some water maybe,” he asked, tilting his head towards the door even though there was no way his companion could possibly see him. 

“Get me some cheese,” a different voice whined. 

“Plagg stop being a glutton for two seconds will you?” 

“But I’m hungry!” 

“Who is that?” Nino called curiously through the door. 

“Oh… it’s… well it’s Plagg. He’s my kwami. It’s sort of a long story.” 

“Is he like your superhero sidekick?” Nino asked excitedly. 

“Sidekick?! I am an immortal demi-god I am no one’s sidekick,” the high pitched voice shot back at him, “without me there would be no Chat Noir. If anything the kid is my sidekick.” 

“Oh,” Nino replied soaking up the information. Alya was going to be so jealous. 

“Now bring me some cheese, puny mortal, before I perish from starvation! preferably some well aged Camembert.” 

“Plagg!” the boy who was Chat Noir groaned, clearly embarrassed by the demi-gods demanding attitude. 

Nino couldn’t help but smile. How cool was this guy that he could be so chill towards an immortal being that grants you super powers? 

“It’s too bad my boy Adrien isn’t here,” he laughed as he pulled out his bag and began rummaging through it, “I swear he is obsessed with that stuff.”

“Wouldn’t that be nice,” the strange creature replied with a sly tone, “I bet your friend wouldn’t be stupid enough to leave all of his delicious camembert locked away in his bookbag instead of carrying it around in his pocket where it belongs.” 

“Plagg I swear to God-” Chat Noir growled, and Nino couldn’t hold back a small choked laugh. 

“Hey,” he cried triumphantly pulling out a small snack bag his mother had once again snuck into his satchel, “it’s not camembert, but I do have some Brie and-” 

Before he could finish the sentence a small black blur shot out through the door and landed on his knee. 

“Hand it over kiddo!” the tiny catlike creature purred, tail twitching in anticipation. 

Wordlessly Nino held out the small container full of grapes, crackers, and of course the coveted cheese. 

“So,” Nino called to Chat Noir as he watched the little god happily nibble on his treat, “does this happen often?” 

“Does what happen often?” he called back. 

“Getting stranded without your powers?” 

“Sadly more often than I would like,” he admitted, “its pretty rare that I am not the first one to use my powers but I can’t exactly just ditch My Lady in the middle of a battle. It’s a bit rough but I’ll take a few close calls if it means I keep the people I care about safe.” 

Nino grinned again. God this guy was cool. 

He wondered if anyone had ever given much thought to this particular dilemma Chat Noir faced. So much attention was given to Ladybug because of her amazing powers. Not that he thought she didn’t deserve the attention, but Nino had always felt that a lot of his friends undervalued how important Chat Noir was to the dynamic duo. Where others saw weakness- namely Chloe and Kim- he saw sacrifice. After all, how disastrous would it be if Ladybug ever fell under the influence of an akuma? Nino spent enough time hero chasing with Alya to know that most of hits Chat took were for the sake of his partner. Perhaps it was his devil may care attitude, or perhaps it was that unspoken knowledge that his powers were actually pretty terrifying, but not a lot of people seemed to give Chat Noir the kind of appreciation he deserved.

“You know,” Nino said careful, “no offence to Ladybug, but you’re my favorite.” 

“Really?” he replied sounding more than a little awed. 

“Yeah. I mean it’s a lot easier to be the hero when you get all the praise and the cool finishing move. It’s a lot harder to be the person who’s job it is to soak up the damage, you know?” 

“Thanks. I… it’s really nice to hear you say that.” 

“How old are you anyways? I mean if I’m allowed to ask.” 

“I just turned 16.” 

“Dude! You’re my age, that’s crazy!” Nino said with a chuckle. “How do you do it? How can you stand going out there every day knowing that any second you could be fighting another monster? Doesn’t it get exhausting?” 

“Sometimes. But it’s worth it. If it means I am protecting people like you, it will always be worth it.” 

Nino felt his cheeks go scarlet. “Wow man… thanks.” 

“I mean it,” Chat Noir said, his voice barely audible through the door, “you help make this fight worth fighting. You are brave and loyal, and don’t need superpowers to be one of the most heroic people I’ve ever met.” 

Nino’s breath caught. “I… jeez… what am I supposed to say to that?” he joked weakly, “Chat Noir is calling me a hero.” 

He heard a small scoffing sound from the little being still perched on his leg gobbling up the last of the cheese. “You’re little blogger friend was right. You two really are one of those obnoxious lovey-dovey couples.”



“How did you- she was talking about-” 

“I swear to God Plagg, you are not getting another bite of camembert for the rest of the month.” 


So a customer trying to return an item a year and a half past the “must return by” date nearly made me cry tonight, then told a bunch of lies about me to the asshole manager while I was standing right there (helping other customers, TRYING NOT TO CRY) and I know he’s gonna yell at me or write me up later because he never hears anyone out about a guest complaint, but he hasn’t said a word yet so I’ve been walking around for the last two hours waiting for the other shoe to drop (and trying not to cry)

I fucking hate everything

anonymous asked:

You know that marijuana causes schizophrenia right? Sorry but it is a drug and this fandom sucks enough and adding drugs is just trashy.

I don’t know who the fuck you are (though I have a few guesses), but I would suggest you go take your uneducated self off my page and maybe start by putting yourself off anonymous and showing your face instead of being a pussy like most of you people who think they’re so tough but can’t show your blog because god forbid if somebody put out YOUR name, am I right? Did you want some cheese and crackers with your whine too?

First off, no it does not. Schizophrenia is caused by a chemical imbalance in your brain and is mostly from genetics. All that WebMD crap is bullshit. Yes, it can make you tired and drowsy but you cannot become schizophrenic from smoking or using cannabis.

If we want to go into that argument, there have been people who were diagnosed with schizophrenia and use cannabis to help with their symptoms. If it can help with depression, anxiety, PTSD, seizures, and other mental and physical illness without even killing somebody or giving them serious side effects, why else do you think the pharmaceutical companies don’t want you to believe it is a curing herb and not a gateway drug?

There’s been 0 released deaths from physically smoking or using marijuana. True shit. People have died from peanuts. FUCKING PEANUTS!!! Before dying from marijuana and unlike tobacco, marijuana doesn’t have nicotine. When the smoke is released into the open air, it doesn’t linger like tobacco smoke because of all the chemicals that are in cigarettes/cigars. Smoking anything can harm your lungs yes, which is why some people use edibles instead but I can bet over $100 if more people started smoking marijuana and stop smoking cigarettes and cigars for recreational use, it would be better for our ecosystem and air. We’d have cleaner air. But that would also be useful if people drove electric cars and the world ran on solar energy.

Also you’d have to smoke more than your own body weight to die from smoking marijuana. And you’ll pass out before you can ever smoke more than your body weight. Fun fact: We also have cannabinoids in our bodies. Yes, insane as that sounds it is in our brains. One of the safest plants that helps people mentally and physically.

At this point, I could care less what the other people in this fandom think of my smuts. If they hate it, there are plenty of other writers out there willing to give them something that will fit their kinks or interests. But please, don’t come on my blog and start the drama. It’s perfectly okay for people to make rape smuts or drunk smuts but god forbid the world is on fire because Azusa is gonna smoke a bowl with the reader and let her try a weed brownie.

Now I’m done with this conversation and argument. If you wanna complain to somebody, go look on other Tumblr blogs. I can assure you there are worst things on Tumblr besides the use of marijuana. Good god people. Grow the fuck up already.

andithil  asked:

Bully Leonard for me? <3

Oh my god, here we go.. (Although, I’m gonna roast him. Bullying does not sit well with me)

Leonard. LeoNARD! Come out here and face me! Mr. the-world-is-against-me-why-even-bother. Dr. no-one-understands-me. Senor my-childhood-sucked-hear-me-bitch-about-it.

For real.. Would you like some cheese with that whine?

Oh my GOD!  we get it! Your mother is a monster, your father wasn’t there, your siblings are more succesful than you and you’re shorter than the average high school kid! But how can you still bitch about these things? Like.. Boohoo. You have a doctorade. You’re working on a project with high security clearance. You’re married. You have friends. AND STILL!!!! Every single fucking time something goes against you, HERE COMES THE STRING QUARTET! You’re living in a perpetual state of self-pitty, and not to sound too much like your mother, but get the fuck over it.

And another thing… Listen, my dude, if you belittle and/or hurt Sheldon Cooper, possibly the one human on this earth who’s shown you the most amount of love (and yes, that includes your wife) one more time, I’m gonna come over there and personally chop your upright-weird-looking violin thingy to tiny little pieces with my own two human hands. 

LIKE! I get it, sometimes Sheldon can be the human equivalent of herpes - once you get it, you know it’s going to come back and annoy you for the rest of your life - but even when he’s minding his damn business, staying in his lane, you take it upon yourself to bitch and throw shade and joke but honey… listen… you’re not that funny. And spoiler alert: Putting your friend with social problems, autistic tendencies and trust issues down all the time only makes you a shitty person and shitty friend. So like.. Maybe get a new hobby? UH OH! I got it!

You know what you could do? START WORKING ON YOUR MARRIAGE???

Explain to me again… Why, exactly, did you guys get married? You know exactly what the fuck I’m talking about and honestly, y'all need to get your shit together (hand clapping emoji) .

Like, do you understand, that you’re supposed to like the person you marry? Like… Really like them for all they are as a human person? ‘cause from here, it looks like you guys decided, that tolerating each other will do. For the rest of your lives.
Mr. and Mrs. I-guess-this-is-my-life-now.

So, in conclusion… What, pray tell, the fuck?
Go through emotional puberty already, I beg of you. Grow the fuck up, stop whining, the world is not against you, you don’t like your life? Guess what, Doctor Greek-tragedy, you have all the necesary means to fix it. You just have to … Y'know.. Get the fuck over yourself for more than like five minutes to see it.

That’s it. You’re dismissed. Grab a spine on your way out, stop letting everyone walk all over you all the god damn time.

Arrivederci, Mr. Leakey

Originally posted by dorkpostsstuff

Kitty Jealously (Part Two)

Part one: http://vanilla107.tumblr.com/post/137833448390/kitty-jealously-one-shot

Part three: https://vanilla107.tumblr.com/post/137833448390/kitty-jealously-one-shot

Latest fic with @tahciram​: https://vanilla107.tumblr.com/post/147605392890/love-like-a-crescendo-part-one

Hello Tomcats and Ladybugs! Thank you all for being so patient with this fanfiction. I went back to school a few weeks ago and I’ve been swamp with work which is why you’re only getting this part now. The response we received for this fanfiction was amazing, so thank you to EVERYONE who reblogged, liked and commented. :) This is a collaboration I did with @inspiringnfamous (who is FREAKING BRILLIANT.) I hope you guys enjoy this one and hopefully part three will come out sooner than this one! vanilla107 xoxo


“I CAN’T BELIEVE I SAID THAT TO HER!” Adrien yelled. He fan a frustrated hand through his hair. When you tell a girl you’re jealous of her cat because she smelled like him and you don’t like other ‘males’ around her…all you can do when you are alone again in your room is to freak out… Because how are you even going to look her in the eye again?!

Adrien was pacing. He started just after he entered his window and detransformed. Plagg was watching him with an amused expression while chewing on a piece of Camembert. The boy scratched his head with both hands and then pulled handfuls of hair, distressed. The poor blonde wanted to die.

“Well, to be fair, you were the one that told her that.” The black kwami commented, lifting his little shoulders.


“And you were the one that actually said it!” Plagg said losing his patience at the same time. He finished his cheese and look at Adrien with daggers in his cat-like eyes “Listen kid, I told you once that when you’re Chat Noir you feel the cat necessities. She asked what was happening and I answered, you told her what I said. You needed help and I helped you. Now stop being a moron and give me some credit for saving your butt.”

Adrien sighed as he gave Plagg another piece of cheese. He knew that he would never stop complaining about his stupidity that night unless he had his cheese. Adrien couldn’t believe that he actually got JEALOUS of a freaking CAT.

It was all Plagg’s fault.

He could still hear the kwami’s whine in his head as he remembered going into Marinette’s room that day. Chat had ignored Plagg’s whining until it was obvious for him too. Marinette’s room reeked of the other cats scent. The simple memory of the smell in her room made him frown. Well, at least Marinette would still have his mark. And just like that a smirk fluttered on his lips. He wasn’t going to deny that he enjoyed seeing the shock and surprise on her face when he gave her that hickey by pure instinct.

Adrien walked over to his bed and laid down, staring at his ceiling. A blush crept up his neck as he repeated the scene of her quick pulse under his hand and the warmth of her skin. She tasted just as good as she smelled. He groaned, covering his face with both hands. There was no mistake that he was attracted to Marinette, but that ‘Noir’ got in the way. He frowned again, thinking about the cat. It’s eyes glowing just like his and what looked like a smug expression when it was sitting on Marinette’s lap receiving all her attention. Suddenly an idea popped into his head. His smirk grew wider as he ran to his computer and rapidly started to type, causing Plagg to stop his actions and watch at the screen.

“Adrien, what are you doing?” Plagg asked leaning over his cheese to have a better look. Adrien smiled as he found the purr-fect place for Noir. He had a plan to get rid of that annoying cat and then no other cat (or human) could be Marinette’s.

The next day was a difficult day for Marinette. Her hickey waved her good morning from her mirror and she was sure it looked darker now. She sighed because she knew that her usual clothes will not work to hide it and if her parents saw it… Marinette cursed Chat. Luckily she had finished a new blazer two days ago and it seemed like the right time to use it. The piece of cloth was black stitched with thick pink thread in determined places and under it she just wore a sample white shirt since she was running late already. Marinette took a last look in her mirror and whined, she was so paranoid that she took off her pigtails and let her short hair cover her neck a little more.

“Don’t worry, Marinette. It doesn’t show.” Tikki tried to comfort her as she zoomed to Marinette’s purse “But maybe next time you can tell Chat to leave it a little more hidden.” the red kwami giggled as her charger blushed furiously mumbling something incomprehensible under her breathe.

Marinette went down stairs with Noir in her arms. She needed to tell her parents about Noir. The first one to notice was Tom, who looked confused at his daughter, then Sabine covered her mouth with her hands. Half a second later a little stifled squeal was heard as the older woman ran to the teenager and lifted the cat in her arms. Her mother liked it. Marinette thought, letting go of the air she was containing in anticipation.

She explained to her parents that the cat was lost and she found it in front of their door so she brought it up. To her delight Tom and Sabine agreed to keep it, just if Marinette was the one who take care of it, Marinette hugged both of them, letting them know the cat’s name and taking a croissant from the kitchen and her bag from the chair. Noir seemed completely comfortable in Sabine’s arms, rubbing it’s head to her chest so the girl knew it was okay. She smiled and run down the stairs to get to school.

Adrien’s eyes were fixed on the door. Marinette is almost always late to class but he have never been so desperate to see the girl run through the door ten minutes after the class started. Adrien has been fidgeting since he had sit down. Nino asked him a few times what was wrong and if he was okay but the model just smiled reassuringly saying it was nothing.

He just wanted to see the girl that barely say two words to him as Adrien and he had kissed just the night before as Chat. Nothing at all.

This time though when Marinette opened the door and excused herself through a croissant between her beautiful lips Adrien nearly fell from his chair. The sight of the girl in different clothes and her hair down had make his heart race and his brain shut the fuck down. Maybe if he hadn’t been so entrained by the girl that walked past him to get to her chair he’d been able to notice Nathäniel’s sigh from the back of the classroom and Nino’s whistle just next to him. The blonde has swirled completely in his chair to look at her a little longer, but when she noticed him staring and Nino nudged him on his side Adrien went all red and swirled around again, ducking his face in his text book under Alya’s giggles. Oh God, please help him.

The day went on difficult for Adrien as well. Trying not to stare (too much) and ignoring the fact of his hickey calling his name to search for it. Lunch was in the middle of ‘Oh so great’ and ‘Help me’ when Nino suggested the girls to lunch with them. Right now, Adrien’s sandwich is way interesting that it is supposed to be.

“So what do you think, Adrien?”

“Huh?” His eyes locked with Alya’s as she smiled at him… And he didn’t like the way Alya was smiling at him.

“I said, what do you think? Don’t you like Marinette’s look today?” I think she always looks beautiful. He wanted to say. The girl in question was nearly resting her back on the chair from embarrassment.

“Uh yeah, I like her. I- I mean! Her clothes! Y-yeah, I like her clothes!” Marinette was screaming internally, Adrien was wondering if he could disappear from embarrassment, Alya looked so smug it was insane and Nino looked at Adrien like if he was the awkwardest guy on Earth.

Why is this so difficult?

After school Adrien gathered every bit of bravery he possessed without the mask and asked Marinette if he could walk her home. The girl agreed with a squeaked “Y-yes!” and they make friendly conversation as they walked. Marinette told him about the cat and Adrien tried to look surprised commenting that she looked like a cat person to him. He was just enjoying his own words about it as Marinette smiled.

“Y'know, I know this great shelter. Maybe the cat needs to be checked for any diseases? Then it’ll go to a good family.” He smiled innocently but stopped as he sees Marinette looking guilty, her eyes dropping a little. Surely she just picked up the cat without checking around her area to see if anyone loss it.

They say their goodbye’s as she open the bakery’s door and Adrien is just about to leave, when Tom comes from nowhere and stops him by his shoulder. What is her father doing?! Adrien looked at him with a sheepish wave and then down to Sabine who is smiling warmly at him from Tom’s side. Sabine offered Adrien stay for cookies and something to drink and Marinette is nearly dying when she sees Adrien’s smile grew as he accepts and winks at her.

When everything was placed, Adrien came inside. He look at Noir as the cat sauntered his way down stairs with a lifted eyebrow. Noir walked to greet Adrien when he stopped and hissed at him. Marinette was shocked by Noir’s behavior, the only person that the cat has ever hissed at was Chat Noir… and well, her when Chat kissed her. Marinette shook her head vigorously. No, don’t think about such a thing. Adrien as Chat Noir? That’s the biggest joke ever! Don’t compare someone sane like Adrien to flirty Chat Noir!

Once Adrien was done eating the sweet treats, he excused himself to go to the bathroom, walking near the wall away from the cat. He came out moments later, saying goodbye to the Dupin-Chengs. “I need to go, Natalie called.” he said. Tom and Sabine didn’t let him go without a bag of cookies and an offer from the huge man to come back the next day. Adrien munch on a cookie as he promised he would be back and then left. Later that evening, Marinette was laying on her bed while petting Noir’s head. The cat purred on her belly and she laughed. She tickled him under his neck and sighed sadly. What is she going to do if someone looking for him?

Adrien was pacing. Again. After cursing himself multiple times in Marinette’s bathroom he thought that if that stupid cat kept on hissing at him ,everything would be uncomfortable so he decided to leave, thanking Marinette parents’ kind nature for giving him his cookies still when he didn’t stay. What is he going to do now? Tom invited him the next day to taste a new recipe and he couldn’t deny to that offer since he had such a sweet tooth. Maybe if he tried to ‘rationalize’ with Marinette about keeping the cat? No, if he push too much it’ll obvious he don’t like it. Well he always could-

“In my 5,000 years I’ve have never had such a helpless holder.” Plagg mumbled as he keep watching Adrien to moments later snarls at the boy, when he gets no answer he hiss. Adrien’s eyes go wide as he looked at the kwami, completely taken aback “For the love of Camembert, stop pacing, Adrien! You’re going to give me a headache!”

“I didn’t know you could hiss.”

“I’m a cat too, kid, obviously I hiss. I don’t like it though but it looks like that’s only sound you can hear.” Plagg complained as he moved his whiskers in irritation.

Adrien whined and let himself fall on his chair, face on his desk “What I’m I going to do, Plagg?” It isn’t like if he was expecting the greatest advise from Plagg. His kwami never gets interested in something other than cheese, after all.

“Easy, go tomorrow and talk to her. Offer her your help to find the thing’s owner and she’ll be so pleased with you and you’ll have what you want.” Plagg giving advise AND winking at him. Plagg’s winking was scary…way too scary, but actually that could actually work. Adrien scooped Plagg up in his hands and hugged him a little too tight.

“Oh Plagg! You’re the best! Why aren’t you like this more often?”

“Obviously I’m the best, look at me! And stop squeezing me or I’ll bite you!” Adrien returned Plagg to his desk and smiled widely at him, petting his little head with his finger.

Now all he needed was to practice what he was saying to Marinette tomorrow and pray to not screw everything up.

The next day, after school he went to Marinette’s house. Tom said she was busy drawing new designs and she liked to be alone when she was ‘in the zone’. So instead Adrien helped Tom a little in the kitchen and when the cake was done and was Adrien’s turn to taste it. He wanted to cry. Were those heaven’s trumpets or he was just dreaming about the best thing he had ever eaten? The boy devoured two pieces before asking if he could go to Marinette and when he received a nod he took another piece of cake in case Marinette wanted.

Adrien climbed the stairs and when he opened the door into Marinette’s room, he saw something he didn’t needed to see. Noir was sitting on Marinette’s lap and she was giggling because the cat wouldn’t stop jumping on her to nuzzle her in her face, his little paws on her chest. Adrien glared at the cat and walked in, closing the door behind him. Marinette barely noticed.

“Who’s the cutest thing ever? You are!” Marinette giggled. Noir mewed and gave a satisfied smirk to Adrien. Adrien nearly screamed when the cat got up on its hind legs and kissed Marinette. Marinette gasped in surprise but smiled. “You want a kiss?” she cooed at Noir. Adrien bit his tounge to stop himself from swearing. Noir snuggled into Marinette’s lap. Adrien was shaking with anger. It was one thing to hiss at him but it was another to kiss his Princess. That damn cat was mocking him. Adrien couldn’t control himself. Dammit all. He left the piece of cake aside, he didn’t know where, as he walked over at the girl and lifted the cat out of her lap, a very angry mew was heard all around the room when he left it on the floor. Marinette looked at him with obvious indignation in her blue eyes.

“Adrien, what are you-” but then he kissed her so desperately, so passionately that she couldn’t remember what was she saying. His mouth pressed roughly against hers and she thought that she might fall from the chair if he pressed even more. He slowly eased the pressure off of her lips and kissed her gently. Marinette’s eyes fluttered closed and she just melted into him. He tasted like buttercream icing and his hair was so soft beneath her fingers. Marinette took in a sharp breath when Adrien kissed her jawline and when down to her neck. Oh, but when his mouth reached her neck and he bit were Chat’s fading hickey was…

Wait a second.


He just knew where it was? Marinette started to panic. Oh dear Lord, did he actually saw it at school the day before?! This was so embarrassing. If he saw it… Mariette’s heart stopped when Adrien let out a purr as he licked her. Chat Noir. Adrien. Marinette saw the pieces of the puzzle fall into place. Adrien was in fact Chat Noir.

She wanted to scream, she wanted to punch him away, to swear at him but the fact that Chat Noir was Adrien Agreste just stunned her. She tensed when she felt a stinging pain shoot through her neck. Adrien didn’t give her time to react when he kissed her again. Maybe the noise she could barely hear through her buzzing ears was Noir’s irritated mew or her heartbeat, she couldn’t be sure.

When Adrien eventually broke off the kiss, he grinned at her with his biggest cattish smirk. “I told you I would love mark you again Princess.” He whispered looking at his ‘master piece’ and then into her eyes. Marinette wanted to die. He couldn’t just look at her like that!

Marinette was speechless before hearing the angry meows of Noir. She picked him up and he hissed at Adrien who only smirked. “Adrien….you’re Chat Noir…” Marinette mumbled. It was only then when Adrien realized how stupid he had been. Why would he do such an irrational thing? “Marinette… I…” he started before she held up her hand to stop him. “We can talk about that later. The real question is…what are we going to do about Noir?”

  • Me: I really want to get to bed early, so I'm going ahead and making my own dinner so I can!
  • Mom: No, no, don't, I'm just starting dinner now, it won't take long at all! *does the whole sadface 'you are rejecting my food' hurt noises and expressions routine*
  • Me: ...okay, I can wait
  • Mom: *takes a half hour to actually start dinner and another hour to finish it*

So I put my hair up using my old, rugged, rusty, pointy hairpins in order to get a quick shower without getting my hair wet

and my hair fell out of the pins so thoroughly that not only was my braid flapping wetly in the shower spray, but all the pins fell out of the braid onto the floor of the shower

and I take my glasses off when I shower

so I’m trying to evade getting my hair even wetter and get the shower turned off while maneuvering on a shower floor covered with rusty, pointy hairpins that I cannot see

fortunately none of them stabbed me too badly but it was a Very Awkward Time

Unflattering work rant to follow...

Tomorrow, I have to go to a work event and mingle and chat up a bunch of investors. I’m being a total grumpy jerk about it because it means (1) more schmoozing and I’ve already exceeded my quota this month, (2) dressing up, and (3) working until late and missing my regular Thursday gym class AND family dinner. 😑

But, frankly, the biggest reason I’m irritated is because I ONLY have to go because my boss–the one who gets paid “the big bucks” to do this kind of BS…well, we’ll just say that it’s not her strongest skill. So, the board insisted that she take me. Look, this will sound narcissistic, but I’m good at that kind of crap because I know people and as a total introvert, I learned long ago to treat those kinds of things as a game. I can even enjoy playing the game…occasionally and on my terms. But, after hours on a Thursday would never be my terms. I have zero career ambition beyond my current job. I don’t want my boss’ job–not even for ten times the “big bucks” she makes because my time and happiness are more valuable to me. I’m good at MY job. I put a lot of effort into MY job. But, I do resent having to do this for a superior. Development is too important an aspect of the executive director position in a small or mid-size non-profit for it to be that person’s weak point.

Alright. Rant over. Now you know I’m not always a nice person; I can also be a somewhat narcissistic asshat.

One thing that I will never get over and just absolutely grinds my gears is that some customers have no sense of responsibility and like to blame other people for their being late to appointments, just like they tell their children not to.
Were slammin bammin busy, and this lady goes “oh my god, I have a 20 minute drive and I have 7 minutes to get there can you just hurry up?????” And when she gets her drinks she just sighs “finally” and stomps away shaking her head. You have no idea how badly I wanted to say “sounds like a personal problem.” I kind of hoped she would trip and spill her drinks all over herself.

Also, why are middle aged white women always such assholes? Like, I get it, you drive an Audi SUV, you have to pick your kids up from their private charter school and take them to their piano lessons and soccer practice so you can go take care of your stupid little handbag dog and whine about how you only have 23 pairs of shoes in your closet and your stupid husband doesn’t make enough money. I get it. Would it kill you to not act like such an entitled, whiny, self-absorbed 3-year old?

Tl;dr I hate wealthy middle aged white women and the next time I’m in a place where there’s someone giving a customer service person a mouthful (as longas the customer is being a little bitch), I’m going to say something fa long the lines of “would you like some cheese with your whine, princess? How about a nice tall glass of Nobody Cares? I hear the bitterness and acidity pairs well with rich middle aged whiny white women. :)))))))”