i would give you a cookie too but i dont know who you are

Peanut Butter Cookies

*throws allergic!Lance at you and runs away*

Summary: When Pidge’s birthday rolls around, Allura remembers her offhand comment about liking peanut butter. Little did she know that Lance is actually very, very allergic. (angst and fluff, and a bit of established klance because I have no self control and I ship it leave me alone)

I hardly ever post anything because I have no confidence ha so if you like it, let me know! This is very short compared to lots of other stuff I’ve written.

@taylor-tut I don’t think this is that good or even if it counts as langst/whump but I’ll tag you anyway and @voltronpaella thanks for actually getting me to post this my dude


When Allura called the Paladins into the kitchen, Lance expected some sort of emergency.

Why they’d be meeting in the kitchen, he had no idea, but he slid out of bed regardless. After removing his face mask he padded out into the hall, slightly resentful that he didn’t have time to straighten his hair.

Lance nearly bumped into Hunk in the hallway, who was also still in pajamas. The two were the last to arrive in the kitchen. He surveyed the others and found Shiro in full armor, Keith with an activated bayard, and Pidge rubbing the sleep out of her eyes with a laptop tucked under her arm.

“Princess, we’ve talked about this,” Lance grumbled. “You have got to stop interrupting my beauty sleep.”

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SUPER TEXT LIST! (Texts From Last Night Inspired)

originally from frommemetoyou

  • [text] Are you lost?
  • [text] NO! That was a typo
  • [text] Did you buy it?
  • [text] I think I’m a mermaid
  • [text] I know it’s 3am, but come over and cook for me. 
  • [text] Too lazy to booty call, so have this text instead
  • [text] Need to bury a body, it’s urgent.
  • [text] Are you sure there’s no monsters?
  • [text] It was an accident.
  • [text] lol fuk da police
  • [text] send me a picture and i’ll be home quicker ;)
  • [text] DO NOT READ THE LAST MESSAGE IT WASN’T MEANT FOR YOU
  • [text] Well maybe I broke my tongue!
  • [text] Please tell me you’re free today! I’ve got some big news today.
  • [text] Got a spare ticket, do you want to come?
  • [text] Do you have a spare mankini I can borrow?
  • [text] Is fancy dress allowed at the wedding?
  • [text] I was using my old baby blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
  • [text] We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead… I just rolled off and tapped out. 
  • [text] Like alphabetically, I’d say a t?
  • [text] I’m sorry if throwing up in the back of your dad’s car ruined our friendship :(
  • [text] there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night singing karaoke and drink out of juice cartons. don’t judge me.
  • [text] I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn’t need it today.
  • [text] Do you know where I am?
  • [text] My wedding is in 5 hours and I have no idea where I am. Help!
  • [text] We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would get a piggy back ride home. I’ve never been so broken.
  • [text] Is “head down ass up” an appropriate way to say good morning?
  • [text] That is definitely not healthy, in fact I’m not sure it’s legal to send that sort of picture?
  • [text] There isn’t enough cookie dough ice cream at home, so I’ll be heartbroken tomorrow instead.
  • [text] Not sure if I took a nap or went to another dimension
  • [text] ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION! HE IS A TRIPLET, WE DONT NEED TO FIGHT OVER HIM WE CAN HAVE AN ORGY INSTEAD
  • [text] No no don’t leave me, who’s going to walk me home
  • [text] She wheeled me home in a trolley and sad she loved me, I think I win.
  • [text] My dick just got serenaded.
  • [text] I ate the whole wheel of cheese. Help.
  • [text] I’ve been hiding under the bed for the past 20 minutes, and now they’re getting into it and it’s a little too late for me to jump out and surprise them. So expect a live sex updates
  • [text] The fridge is fully stocked. I’m either hallucinating or this is a miracle
  • [text] I need you to help me clean the house because I have visitors in less than an hour???
  • [text] Your brother is at the front door- WHAT DO I SAY?!
  • [text] It’s all fun and games till someone says you’re so pretty they could punch you and they, you know, punch you
  • [text] I’m in A&E but I don’t really know why
  • [text] Went to bed with a 10, just about woke up with a 2 and a half
  • [text] I think I’m officially a homewrecker because his wife just walked in screaming and he said it’s not what it looks like. I mean what else could it look like? I wasn’t trimming his hairs with my mouth?!
  • [text] My night ended with me crying in a gutter, I hate you.
  • [text] He’s decorated the toilet with his urine. I never want to see him ever again, tell him he has 2 minutes to get out of our house.
  • [text] Don’t talk to me! You tried to trade me for a glass of wine and a cigarette!
  • [text] I promise I’ll get everyone to jelly wrestle with us xox
  • [text] I am armed with a crown, a sash and a bouquet of flowers. Don’t test me.
  • [text] I think I got married last night?
  • [text] I think I got married on impulse last night… and after looking a second time, I don’t think i’ve made any mistakes.
  • [text] My mouth tastes like poor choices
  • [text] I didn’t let go of the mechanical bull, but they had to pull me off because… it was rough just the way I like it and I think that showed?
  • [text] If I say it was accidental you’ll just say I’m lying
  • [text] There is an alarming amount of glitter in my… everywhere
  • [text] You’re my hero
  • [text] You’re the worst thing to ever happen to me, thank you
  • [text] Have you ever had a good idea in your life?
  • [text] Are we going to end up in the hospital again?
  • [text] It’s not a good night if I don’t end up crying into your mother’s lap.
  • [text] Mark my words, your dad will be my sugar daddy, he’ll marry me and you’ll have to call me momma bear and I will interrupt your sex life with condoms and condiments.
  • [text] I’m may be allergic to nuts, but not his.
  • [text] She high fived me out of pity
  • [text] You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
  • [text] You just walked in, rated their performance, dragged in three other people to clap for them, then walked back out.
  • [text] You kept calling me baby Jesus and trying to see what wise men had to say about my hair…
  • [text] I am a responsible adult. I tied up my hair before I puked
  • [text] I am a responsible adult, I brought home a lost kitten and let it shit in your room
  • [text] I accidentally talked myself into a threesome, when did I become so smooth?
  • [text] It may or may not have been your sister…
  • [text] It may or may not have been your brother…
  • [text] If you’re not coming over with food, don’t come over at all
  • [text] Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My co-worker is talking to me about her birds having sex again…
  • [text] IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
  • [text] Buy me a helicopter, I will give you the last slice of pizza. pls. this is important. okay maybe the crust?
  • [text] Let’s never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
  • [text] I tried to put lipstick on my eyeballs, help.
  • [text] I told her my cum counts as protein shake and she sent a text to my gran saying I ate her cat.
  • [text] If you don’t fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we’re alone in your room, I’m returning you to the boyfriend store
  • [text] I accidentally sexted your mum, I’m sorry xox
  • [text] There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
  • [text] I feel like you’re pretending I didn’t bail you out of jail last night for trying to staple a cushion to the top of their car so you had a “comfy place to sit”
  • [text] You climbed the fence and then started crying because you were scared of hamsters, I really don’t know what you took, but you need a babysitter.
  • [text]  I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a “let’s fuck” way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of “let me wash your hair” way.
Incomplete

[Summary]: After finding out that your boyfriend Bucky had a one-night stand, your world came crashing down hard and you walk out of his life. Will you give him a second chance? Or will you leave him feeling incomplete?

[Pairing]: Bucky x reader (Steve is mentioned)

[Warning]: angst… SO. MUCH. ANGST. um.. there’s also mentions of cheating, drinking and a tiny bit of swearing.. also a teeny-tiny bit of abuse

[Word Count]: 2,295 (This is the longest one I’ve ever written! Damn, this got really wordy…)

Requested by: @ouatalways

Tagging: @bovaria @marvel-ash @just-call-me-mrs-captain @dividedwecantfall @buckysmetallicstump @mellifluous-melodramas @avengerofyourheart @buckyslion @metalarmproblems @marvelingatthewonder @beccaanne814-blog @mcuimxgine @capsbuchanan @imagine-assembling-the-avengers @that-sokovian-bastard @hellomissmabel @abovethesmokestacks @maybe-mikala @violentlyfarts @hymnofthevalkyries @after-avenging-hours @buckys-shield @buckysberrie @callamint @redgillan @whotheeffisbucky @candyrogers @blueeyedbucky @tragicalchemist @marvelous-fvcks @professionally-crazed @thetalesofmooseandsquirrel @fanfic-shiz @i-dont-know-how-to-write @iwillbeinmynest @theassetseyeliner @lilasiannerd @aubzylynn @ourpeachskies

A/N: BSB gif was made by yours truly! Yea, here we go again with more Backstreet Boys music but this song just fit this request so perfectly. I have no shame for making you listen to their music… [x] Also, I’m so, so sorry about the tiny bit of abuse that I put in here. I DO NOT condone that kind of behavior in a relationship (I have seen it happen and it scared me) I’m also sorry for Steve being a complete jerk in this…

Originally posted by jugheadcami

One hour. One grueling, heart breaking hour is all it took to make the last two years fade into the dark.

You found out from Sam’s roommate, who also happened to be one of your best friends, that your boyfriend and a few of his friends had gotten drunk at a party that Sam threw at his apartment. Even though you were also invited to the party, you had to work that night but you told Bucky that he could go without you. Worst decision you ever made.

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“I Can’t Help Fallin’ In Love”

Request: Hey love :) I hope I can give you an idea for an imagine. You and buck live together in his Apartment in Bucharest and you’re really happy but he feels bad one day cause he can’t give you a better live. Then later that day you prepare something romantic and you cuddle together while you reassure him how much you love him and that you wouldn’t want another life. Sooo he feels better and you even share a Little make-out session but it’s mostly cuddling that night and just fluff? :)

Warnings: angst, then fluff, drunk driving situation

Word Count: 1877

A/N: one of four requests! hopefully this is what you wanted! i might have veered a little. i will work on the other ones this week! if you wanna be on my taglist shoot me an ask! please leave feedback. dont drive when youve been drinking. the title comes from “I Cant Help Falling In Love With You” originally by Elvis but my favorite version is by Haley Reinhart


Originally posted by v-writings

She moved to Bucharest after she lost everything. She needed a fresh start. Y/N never knew that fresh start would involve falling in love with a kind-hearted ex assassin. James Buchanan Barnes, that beautiful bastard. He was everything Y/N had ever dreamed in a man. He was the man a father would love for his daughter to have. Too bad Bucky didn’t see that.

Her parents were killed in a car accident along with her little brother, he was only ten years old. A drunk driver ran a red light and crashed directly into their car. That night she lost everything that ever mattered to her. She sold everything she owned, her bakery included. She backed the few things she had and bought a plane ticket out of the only state and country she had ever known.

Bucharest, Romania, the place she picked to start her new life. She didn’t speak Romanian and she had no idea around the city, but it’s exactly what she needed. She wanted the refreshing feeling of learning new things and meeting new people. No one here would look at her with pity or sympathy. She was just an all-American girl looking for her own happy ending.

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Reasons to love Dragon Age Origins cast

You guys seemed to like the DAI one (for whatever reason)…

Which is here: http://lumi-chann.tumblr.com/post/152579171906/reasons-to-love-dragon-age-inquisition-cast

So heres more garbage below, if you feel like wasting your time :”)


Alistair

– Thinks Blight is like a party

– Until it actually goes wrong

– Thinks of his mentor like a father

HUG HIM

– (Actually you cant.)

– Wow game, you are an asshole

– Is really sweet and precious

– And a dork

– Stfu Alistair you know I´m right

– Just wants to be accepted and not made fun of

– Says the sweetest things and makes non single women compare their boys to him probably

– Compares you to a rose

– „Why cant he be real???“

– Bish, he is too good and innocent for this world

– Afraid of responsibility

– Like #relatable I get you man…

– Doesn´t want to be the king unless you tell him to „go for it boo“

– Loves dogs but would probably deny it.


Morrigan

– Much sarcasm

– Some of the smartest dialogue

– Can make you look stupid without putting effort into it.

– Could also kill you

– Changes into animals

– But her true form is still the best

– You probably like her outfit one way or the other

– (Cant believe hers is the only concept art that made it into the game…)

– Likes jewelry

– And deserves all of it.

BECAUSE SHE´S A QUEEN.

– Makes fun of Alistair.

– And everyone else

– But you just can´t hate her

– Hates love

– Until you romance her

– Holy shit she´s great at it then.

– But the ending hurts.

– It´s okay, she´ll be back

– Protect her from her mom


Zevran

Ohhhh boi, here we go

– That accent

– It makes even the straightest people go gay for him

– Smooth as fuck and he knows it.

– Thinks he doesnt deserve to be loved

– Is actually a precious cinnamon roll

– „I feel terrible and I wish to cry. May I rest my head in your bossom“

– Sure why not.

BUT WHY DOESNT HE ASK THE WARDEN FOR THIS

– What do you mean I´m playing as a guy. This guy has love to give for everybody

– Flirts with everyone, it´s great

– Tattoos

– Ugh that accent is still great

– Actually the most loyal romance tbh

– And cares about you

– Like a lot.

– So much so that if you die, he doesnt love anyone again.

– Deserves all the happiness


Lelianna

– Wants to help

– Because she had a dream about the end of the world

– Thinks the god sent her to help you

– Actually believes it

GASP „SHOES!“

– Likes your hair, even if you´re fukin bald

– Sweetest

– And her voice is sweet too tho

– Asks about your current boyfriend/girlfriend

– Best sis you could ask for.

– Doesn´t wantto kill anyone

– Not even an assassin sent after her

– Or the person who sent them.

DONT TELL HER TO.

– Doesnt want to be like her ex and wants to move on

– Loves you

– So so much

PROTECT HER


Sten

– Doesn´t like you

– Or anyone

– Or anything

– Haha got you. He actually is the sweetest later on.

– Calls you „kadan“ how cute is that dude

– Tol but precious

HE LIKES KITTENS AND FLOWERS

– Also took cookies from a boy because he didnt want him to get chubby

– Played „I spy“ with himself while waiting to either starve or get eaten

– Sad because he lost his sword

– „WHERE IS MY SWORD“

– He named it „Asala“ which means „soul“

– Has cute dialogue with your dog

– Literally so clueless but so smart you cant understand him if you tried

– Makes you sound dumb for asking questions

– „I should have stayed in that cage“

– So done with you.


Oghren

– Holy fuck a dwarf

– Finally

– Tough little badass

– Dont call him little though

– Could kill you

– So drunk

– Worst dwarf ever, it´s great.

– Actually the best cause his town is full of assholes

– Probably drunk all the time and if he stopped hed be like „how did I get here“

– Loves the surface tho

– „It´s sodding great. No one has any idea who you are or what you´re doing“

– Love him

– „That dog. Sodding thing took my pants“
– Oghren, you´re wearing your pants

– „BUT THE DOG DOESNT KNOW THAT“

– Loves his wife even if she did bad things. And left him. And cheated on him. And went crazy.

– He´s too good. It´s sad

– But is still a smooth mofo with Felsi

– Let him be happy.


Shale

– Calls you an „it“

– How does this not insult me

– Has a „nickname“ for everyone

– Is a rock

– jk, is a golem

– Trolls everyone

– And hates squishy things

– And pigeons

– And anything that has feathers and wants to take a crap on her

– Gives no crap herself

– Actually genderless

– Don´t question it

– Too good for you

– Wears crystals into fights

– LIKE A BOSS

– Also has a boner for Sten

– You know it´s true

– Also makes you look stupid, its great


Wynne

– Ayyy mama of the group

– Nah, she´s actually pretty cool

– And saves your sorry ass whenever you take her along, admit it

– Was a healer before it was cool.

– AND BACK WHEN HEALERS EXISTED IN THIS WORLD (I´m looking at you DAI)

– She´s too good, even Oghren and Zevran tried to go for it

– Scolds you about your relationship, but then later on totally ships it

–  Asks Alistair if he knows where babies come from

– Like, Wynne why

PRETTY DARN SASSY

– Could probably tell you anything about wine


Dog

– Is a dog

Happy bark

Disapproving whine

– Could tell Zathrian was a (semi) bad guy before we could

– Just wants to play

– But ok, am i the only one who is afraid to take him along sometimes?

– LIKE WHAT IF HE GETS HURT?

– MAMA WARDEN ISNT READY FOR THAT

– Actually makes Morrigan break her tsun act for a few moments

– Is a tsun himself kinda

– But loves you above all

– Protect him


wanna one!kid au

HENLO I PROMISED THIS AT 8PM BUT IT’S NOW 1AM THE NEXT DAY IM SORRY

before i start just a big big big big big big big big big huge ass thank you to @exojjanggg and @wendyson for helping me w/ this!!! i wouldnt have been able to write it without them lmao

disclaimer: all of them are like 4-11 years old respectively and u act as their babysitter in this !!!!


daniel

  • probably holds their poor pet cat everywhere he goes and the poor lil kitty just lets him 
  • nervously sweats when he has to choose between holding seungwoo’s hand or the cat
  • buddies up with seungwoo whenever he goes anywhere
  • DONT SEPARATE THEM PLEASE
  • IF YOU DO DANIEL WILL CRY
    • “y/n i need 2 go to the washroom !!!” 
    • “ok- wait why are u taking seungwoo with u?” 
    • “ಥ_ಥ” 
    • “oKOK YOU CAN TAKE HIM PLEASE DONT CRY”

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Acting Your Age

Title: Acting Your Age

 Summary: When you run off to do some errands, leaving your husband Thorin and the little Fili and Kili alone at your house, you don’t expect to return to the sight you see.

 Warnings: None?

 Masterlist of FanFiction

Originally posted by tinysofia

 It was a cold winter’s day in Ered Luin.  The snow was gently falling over the land, the wind was slight, but still could cut through any amount of layers you wore, but it was peaceful.  You would have liked to stay at home, curled up with your husband and nephews as Thorin spoke of stories of old, but you had a more important mission to go on.  

Fili and Kili, both under the age of ten had given you that look, that pleading puppy look when they asked if they could have some hot chocolate while their uncle told them a story.  It was so sweet and innocent, so of course you said yes…but you didn’t realize you were out of the ingredients, so out you went.  Thorin was in charge of keeping the boys entertained and distracted while you slipped away quickly.

It only took about twenty minutes, if that, to get the ingredients and get back home.  But even still, nothing could prepare you for what you saw.  

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anonymous asked:

expand a bit on that au I'm curious

im very glad at least one person cares

  • ok so retail drug store AU!! im 100% shamelessly basing this off of my own job
  • about 1/3 of the store is cosmetics, skincare, bath & beauty, etc. the rest is pharmacy, OTC, food, and other general drug store stuff
  • have u seen drake’s video for ‘started from the bottom’? thats where i fuckin work
  • ANYWAY

this is really long. im sorry

allura

  • allura owns the store. she’s also the head pharmacist
  • which is always the owner of the store
  • in a permanent state of “my employees are fucking incompetent i should fire them” but never does only reprimands them
  • the cameras in the store show her everything thats happening she has a big screen that show all of the 24 areas. sometimes when shes bored and it’s slow she’ll sit there and watch the employees 
  • she calls lance several times and tells him to stop fucking around bc he’ll just be hanging around the front cash bugging the fuck out of keith and pidge and hunk, if he’s there
  • theres a betting pool w the staff on when she and shiro are finally going to hook up
  • she deals with customer complaints when shiro isn’t around; a lot of customers see her pretty face and think she’ll be lenient on them , but oh boy. ohhh boy are they wrong
  • she’ll fuckin shred em
  • she’s stern but a very kind and understanding boss

coran

  • coran is one of the front store managers (meaning he’s one of the managers of everything that isn’t pharmacy and cosmetics).
  • he’s also the product receiver
  • has to do a lot of cycle counts and damage reports bc customers drop things, especially cosmetic things, so often
  • its expensive
  • permanently stressed
  • jokes around a lot
  • will come check up on employees and see if they’re working or not
  • usually doesn’t do much if they’re not
  • just tells them to get to work but like doesnt actually do anyhing about it
  • one time he walked into the cosmetics department and saw lance giving hunk an impromptu makeover and said “dont do that on store time!” but lance offered to give him one too so coran was like ‘oh yes’ and never actually gave lance shit
  • very smart and suggests a lot of ways to improve customer service, ignores keith whenever he says ‘or we could not do that’
  • VERY protective of the staff, will fight anyone who treats them poorly

shiro 

  • shiro is the head front store manager, meaning he’s above coran but below allura
  • (fs managers wear blue collared long sleeve shirts and ties. pciture shiro wearing that. thank u for ur time)
  • the store is severely understaffed so shiro is permanently stressdt
  • because he’s the one that deals with hiring and raises and wages and whatnot
  • is literally the Team Dad™ and the employees go to him a lot when they have issues/are being harrassed by a customer
  • since they cant tell customers to fuck off they get shiro to do it instead bc shiro is the manager and can do what he wants
  • (shiro never tells customers to fuck off. not explicitly. he’s too kind for that. hes very good at subtly telling them off though. kindly.)
  • takes naps in allura’s office a lot 
  • is also in charge of what products get brought in
  • wants to go for a yearlong nap when lance and pidge keep suggesting all these weird sex toys and lubes
  • “look at this thing it looks like a BANANA shiro can you bring it in i’m gonna fucking sell this to that cranky ass old dude–” “NO, pidge, we are not bringing in a banana sex toy. jesus christ.”
  • “YOOOO I’D GET A THIRTY PERCENT DISCOUNT ON THIS LUBE ITS STRAWBERRY FLAVOUREDO OOHH” “i dont want to hear about your sex life, lance.”
  • no one knows how tf he got his scar or lost his arm but everyone always asks if he can robot punch the dick customer in the face and shiro always has to firmly tell them that’s rude and also, no, but only because theyd get fined

hunk

  • hunk is the best merchandiser (stock person basically, the ones putting products out and whatnot)
  • often climbs the shelves in the receiving room bc although he doesnt look it hes super nimble 
  • the toilet paper is always on the top shelf and customers always want it bc its always on sale so hunk is perpetually climbing the shelves
  • sometimes he gets stuck up there and isnt let down until shiro hears him screaming, sometimes hours later
  • shiro leaves him in charge of signage and sale tickets which is fine bc hunk always bums off half of them to lance (who always whines bc he has enough to do in cosmetics which is a lie because theres nothing happening there ever)
  • deals with a lot of shit in general
  • “are you sure you dont have any more of this in the back?” “well ma’am, you see, this thing here” (handheld device) “tells me we have zero in stock, so, like, yeah. im sure” 
  • has a small crush on one of the regular customers called shay, who will hang around and talk to him until shiro comes around the corner and says “Get back to work”
  • whenever he sees one of his coworkers being bothered by a customer he’ll come up and very cheerfully say “can i help you??” as said coworker makes a break for it
  • a VERY hard worker, always gets compliments from customers and even hugs sometimes from the regulars
  • always brings in cookies or donuts he baked and leaves them in the staff room for everyone to share; they always tell him to quit his job and open a bakery
  • hunk flushes and beams but would never leave this shit hole of a place, he says
  • spends like 70% of the time he’s in the receiving room dancing and singing loudly along with the radio, pidge joins him sometimes
  • so does lance and theyll play impromptu basketball with garbage and empty boxes
  • dabs at lance when he sees him across the store

pidge

  • pidge is the cash supervisor meaning theyre the one who deals with counting the safe, covering breaks, and dealing with customers when shiro, allura and coran have gone home
  • since the managers usually dont work night shifts, pidge is in charge almost every night from 2pm to close, at midnight
  • literally dead inside, makes jokes about it a lot
  • “hey pidge can you bring me a roll of toonies when you have the chance?” “sure, keith, i’m not doing anything anyway, only taking care of this entire fucking store on my own and wanting to die” “same” “nice”
  • will enter the staff room and announce “i hate my fucking life” and do a shot of chocolate milk
  • the tills crash a lot, and pidge gets at least 6 calls a day from lance especially because the tills are shit in the cosmetics department
  • “my cash crashed again” “just fucking leave it lance i dont give a shit” “i have customers” “okay ill come reboot it but only because youll cry if i dont” “Thanks pidge love u” (pidge has hung up already)
  • very small but always ready to fight
  • will literally tell a customer to eat a dick if they deserve it
  • one old guy was harrassing keith because he didnt have enough lottery tickets and keith was trying to remain polite (which he sucks at) and pidge came up and said “sir kindly calm down or leave this store immediately and dont come back”
  • covers lance’s breaks, since the department cant be unattended, and will shout across the store when they see lance stopping at front cash on the way back to flirt with keith
  • “YOURE NOT BEING PAID TO FLIRT WITH KEITH LANCE GET UR ASS BACK HERE” (customers stare)
  • got called “she” after specifying they want “they” pronouns multitple times, and then refused to serve the customer again

keith

  • is that stereotypical cashier that literally wants to die
  • “hi welcome to quiznak did you find everything you were looking for?” *customer bitches about sale prices and blames keith as though he personally chose the price* “okay”
  • its always dead from 7pm to midnight so he’ll just stand there and read a book, and pidge will be like “u cant do that” and keith will be like “too bad” and pidge is like “tru”
  • has stupid competitions with lance, will often compete with him for Worst Customer Ever Stories
  • lance: “this woman told me i shouldnt work in cosmetics because im a guy!! what kind of bullshit!! i didnt give her free samples” keith, flatly: “a man yelled at me for five minutes solid because we don’t sell duracell batteries and then threw his empty coffee cup at me and walked away”
  • the uniform is a short sleeved t shirt but keith always wears a black shirt underneath it and no one cares enough to stop him
  • he also wears his skinny jeans instead of work slacks but again no one cares
  • this pleases keith because he knows his ass looks great in those jeans, and he knows lance stares at it from across the store
  • gay
  • actually has terrible apathy and poor social etiquette and is bad at reading social cues which hes working on with shiro’s help
  • a customer sadly said “i lost my husband” and keith blankly says “did you find him” and shiro, who’s there for whatever reason, gives him a pained look, until keith says “oh god im so sorry i didnt realise oh god”
  • when its really slow and pidge is on cash he’ll leave to go “straighten up” the aisles but hes actually going to visit lance in the cosmetics department bc arguing with lance is fun
  • literally doesnt care about makeup or skincare but lance does and keith thinks its cute
  • if theres no customers pidge will get on the PA and say GAYYY for the whole store to hear
  • hunk will join in from the receiving

lance

  • okay so im a cosmetician so this is entirely based off of my experience
  • lance is one of the only cosmeticians. there are 4 running the entire department. lance suffers everyday. he might as well be the fucking manager
  • knows so much about skincare that it’s lowkey terrifying. has amazing skin. “Whats your secret???” asks a customer. lance will never reveal. (its glycolic peels and a good moisturiser)
  • also is incredible at eyeliner, gives shiro a run for his money
  • “youre a guy why are you working in cosmetics” “because im beautiful”
  • the cosmetician uniforms are all black, long sleeve blazers and black pants. lance looks really good because he’s tall and slim, and pidge always tells him what a gay look it is
  • “im BI, pidge” “i know but its a gay look because its a GOOD look”
  • its always fucking HOT in the cosmetics department because its far away from the freezers and the lights for the makeup make the entire dpt like a sauna
  • lance will cry about it at any given time. he BEGS allura to change the AC settings but she never does
  • goes to front cash to steal bags a lot because they run out a lot at cosmetics but mostly actually goes to say some kind of pickup line to keith, or to whatever cute girl is waiting in keith’s line (earning himself a savage glare)
  • always has makeup swatches up and down his arms and all over his hands and smudges on his cheeks; somehow still looks flawless, and he knows it
  • shamelessly applies makeup in the middlle of his shift, earning himself calls from allura and shiro telling him to work andstop doing that
  • he doesnt stop
  • when hes bored hell leave the department and go hang out with hunk in the back for like a half hour and claim he was printing signs when asked
  • “i may hate my job and want to die most of the time, but at least i look good” *finger guns* *keith rolling his eyes*
  • a pretty girl or cute boy enters the department looking for a consultation and lance flirts the whole time, partially because hes a flirty dude, and partially because he KNOWS it’ll up his sales. also he likes making people smile.
  • makes faces at keith from across the store when keith is standing at his cash looking like a zombie. keith responds and they have an ugly face contest

bonus:

  • after close, pidge, hunk, and lance will grab the trolleys and race down the aisles, often crashing into shelves or each other. keith joins sometimes and fucking slaughters them all
  • allura: i should fucking fire you all
Taste of Hell

Originally posted by kotaros

A/N: Servamp (Mahiru/Kuro, lee Kuro) -  16. “What the hell is that/this?!” - lol I had no idea what to write and let myself be inspired by the available GIFs. Result: this super badly written fic yooo x”D.

Summary: Mahiru asks Kuro to taste some cookies, which escalates. 

Word Count: 1118


“KUROoooo!” Kuro stirred a little in his sleep and uncurled from his comfy position on Mahiru’s bed. Now what

Mahiru yelling at him had become a regular thing, so he already started to wonder if he had dirtied the room again, broken something or if this wasn’t a time to be allowed to take a nap on Mahiru’s bed (his Eve was a talent at making up his mind, like, not). 

Instead, Mahiru’s yell was followed by the thump thump thump sounds of his foot steps before the door opened wildly, and the sweet scent of cookies entered the room. Kuro’s nose was as if it suddenly took control over his whole body, because now he was suddenly sitting up straight on his knees, sniffing with his eyes still closed.

“Kuro!” Mahiru stomped towards the bed and landed a big plate of cookies on it. Kuro had now his eyes open and rubbed the sleep out of them while he gazed at the cookies.

“Taste these. It’s for a school project,” Mahiru ordered, and looking at the cookies Kuro shrugged since they just looked like plain cookies.

“Fine,” he sighed, picking one of them and taking a bite. He then gulped and held the half that remained in his hand apart so he could look at the contents of the cookie: a green liquid dripped out of it and he suddenly clamped a hand over his mouth.

“What the hell is this?!” were the muffled words he could force out, and he spit out as much as he could and coughed. Mahiru laughed proudly and threw his head back while jabbing a finger at poor Kuro.

“It worked! You fell for it. You see, I’m making Taste-of-hell cookies for our school festival’s cosplay prank café! This one was wasabi by the way.” Kuro grabbed his throat and coughed. That cookie was absolutely disgusting.

“I’ve got other ones too, try these,” Mahiru pushed the other cookies towards him, but Kuro immediately gulped and backed away on the bed until his back hit the wall.

“No thanks,” he said, still suffering from the after effects of Mahiru’s monster cookie, but Mahiru smirked and followed him down onto the bed, shoving the cookies towards him.

“Yes Kurooo. You always eat anything you like in this household don’t you? This, you’re not gonna refuse either,” Mahiru said, wiggling his eyebrows. Kuro responded by heavily shaking his head.

“Come on Kuro. Say ahhhh~” One of the cookies that looked just like innocent as the previous one got lifted from the plate and Mahiru pressed it against Kuro’s lips, but the vampire kept his lips squeezed together.

“Hmmmmr!” Kuro shook his head in protest.

“Open that mouth of yours,” Mahiru ordered playfully and teasingly, and just when Kuro wanted to shake his head again he suddenly felt Mahiru’s free hand slip towards his side and sneak in a few squeezes. He jolted and his mouth opened wide, accompanied by loud laughter.

“HAha-fffhf!” The cookie was forced into his mouth and Kuro automatically bit down on it. He didn’t even know what he was tasting, but hell it was gross.

Keep reading

| abstruse | Bill Cipher

ok so a warning in advance i wrote this premise at three in the morning so its prob gross and unedited bc i dont feel like reading it over right now. also its a two shot so the next part will come another time


ab·struse

/abˈstro͞os,əbˈstro͞os/

adjective

1. difficult to understand; obscure.


The first time you met him you were but a child.

Evening long gone, you stared through your curtains into the darkness, moonlight shining through the silky material and making a dreamlike bath of silver onto your bed.

You kicked your legs restlessly. Summer had begun to creep in and you were becoming agitated with the weather. With this in mind you wrestled off your blankets, no more a cool swaddle of comfort but hot and constricting.

The closet creaked.

You stiffened. You could only see through a sliver of the opening, but it was terrifying. Your foolish imagination pictured something staring at you from the darkness, some unknown monster ready to devour you.

A whimper forced itself from your throat as you pulled the covers back over you, drawing them up to your neck. You looked away but that only made it worse; the fear of what could be there intensified - and if you weren’t looking then what would stop it from devouring you?

So you switched to staring the closet down again, only to lose your wits and look away, the cycle repeating. At the end you were shivering, soaked in sweat as you shut your eyes tight.

I’m going to d-die, mommy, daddy, h-help-!

“Die?”

At the voice your thoughts came to a halting stop. 

“Well if that’s not dramatic, I don’t know what is, kid.”

You were still tense, small hands grasping the sheets so tight you could rip them apart. A hot fear pressed itself into your stomach, but childish curiousity won out, and the world came back into vision as your eyes snapped open.

A wide eye stared back owlishly.

Your lips parted to let out a silent scream, frozen in shock. The eye blinked, an inky black pupil dilating as it examined you. 

The horrifying thing was that you had sworn it had just been bright gold.

“W-Who-” Your bottom lip trembled. Another look proved that the creature didn’t have one eye, no the other was just covered in a weird cloth - you had seen the same thing in one of the pirate picture books in your living room. 

Actually this may not even be a creature. The longer you stared it proved that while a stranger, the man in front of you looked every bit like, well, a man, and not the monster you were imagining. 

The stranger adjusted his eyepatch, leaning back so that you were given an even better vantage point. He rocked on his heels and moved to the left in a motion so smooth it was like he was walking on air. Your stomach squeezed when you realized he was. 

“Go away!” You said, voice shaking but defiant. The man only raised a single eyebrow. 

You did what you were used to doing to escape the monsters. You closed your eyes so tight the skin burned and covered your face. 

What.

He was still there, impossibly. His gaze rested on your form and he snickered, leaning on his cane. You opened your eyes again in fright.

“Not gonna work, kid,” He tapped his finger to his head. “Can’t escape what’s in your mind.”

“M-My mind?” You mouthed uselessly, barely processing this, but easily distracted. The clockwork in your head ground slowly. “So you’re my im-ima-” What was that stupid adult word. “-imagination?”

“There’s a difference to being from your mind and in your mind, kid.”

You screwed up your face. “You make no sense mister.”

He giggled again, and it really was a giggle, one that stretched his lips too wide along snow white teeth and rose uneasy goosebumps to your arms. “I don’t make sense? You are awfully polite to someone you don’t know, who invaded your room in the middle of the night.”

You were dutifully reminded that yes, he was exactly that as soon as the words left his mouth. The fear that had left and been replaced with naive confusion and curiousity instantly came slamming back into you.

As if sensing your terror, his eye flashed gold again. You had no time to feel good that you hadn’t been crazy earlier as he invaded your personal space to get right in your face, a smooth, gloved hand pressing a finger into your temple. 

“Boo.”

This time, when you screamed, it wasn’t silent.

You were bawling by the time your parents burst through your bedroom door, snot bubbling in your nose and tears leaving salty trails down your cheeks.

Through the cooing questions of ‘what’s wrong honey’ and pats of comfort, you just managed to spot the man watching you with the same grin.

You pointed. “There! Mommy there!”

You could only look in disbelief when your parents turned back to you. The expression on their faces was one you were too accustomed with. The same look they had when you dropped a plate of cookies because they had been too hot and you were impatient. The same look they had when you got frightened of something in a movie and they had to remind you that it wasn’t real. 

The same look they’d had countless times when you told them of monsters in your closet.

“Darling,” Your mom sighed, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “There’s no one there. Do you want to sleep with us tonight?”

You held straight eye contact with the man as he winked, putting a finger to his lips before disappearing.


The second time you met him must have been at least four years later.

You’d been getting ready for school, adjusting yourself in the bathroom. You washed your face, looked up, and there he was in the mirror, looking back.

You shrieked.

The heel of your foot hit the door as you lurched back, and you lost your balance, slamming your head into the wall with a pained grunt.

“Y/N?” The muffled voice of your dad came from somewhere in the house.

“I’m fine!” You yelled back unconsciously, far too occupied, still rubbing your head while your vision spotted.

The man sighed.

“Just as clumsy it seems,” He mused before phasing out of the mirror like it was nothing, looking around your bathroom. A flash of amusement passed through his eyes and you realized in horror a pair of underwear you possessed was hanging off the towel rails. You grabbed it, face burning.

He scrunched up his nose in mock disgust, before his expression went neutral as he rolled his eye. “Please kid. You’re like what, five? Calm down.”

“I am not five,” you bristled, defensive of your age. “I turn ten this year. Ten!” You held up all your fingers, proud of the achievement. Ha!

The man let loose a laugh, that odd one, the hollow scrape of pitch that echoed against the walls. 

“I’m surprised you remember me,” He tilted his head, and the floating top hat followed the movement.

Of course you did.

That night had traumatized you as a kid. You couldn’t begin to remember all the nightmares dreams you’d had about him since then. Always grinning, always behind you, looping his cane around your body at the last moment to pull you into the void.

“I guess,” was all you said. It was a relief to see that you weren’t insane and imagined that as a kid, or at least that you were just forever crazy, even now. 

He hummed, crossing his legs in the air as he invaded your personal space yet again. You tensed.

“I’m not scared o’ you,” You told him, stressing the words in case he didn’t hear you properly. He snorted.

“Says the one scared of make believe monsters in their closet.”

“I-you-” You sputtered. “All children were scared of that at point! I was only a kid!”

He seemed the most amused at this. “I’m pretty sure you’re still a kid, but whatever floats your boat, brat.”

The outright staring competition that took place after that was broken when he cupped his chin in his hand, his eyes lidding.

“Aren’t you late for something?”

You narrowed your eyes at him before jolting, wiping your hands on your skirt and running out of the bathroom. “School!”

He trailed behind you lazily, and you weren’t surprised when your parents didn’t notice the snickering man, flailing upside down in the air beside you in the car.

“Y/N, didn’t I tell you to stop messing with my hair?” Your mom stared at you in the rear view mirror.

“B-But!” You held out your innocent hands but she only sighed in disappointment and turned her eyes back to the road. You shot a glare at the man, who only let a Cheshire grin cross his expression.


He didn’t stop following you after that.

Whether it be at school, or at home, or wherever you went actually, it was like you had a persistent imaginary friend. That’s what you had convinced yourself he was - since no one could see him but you; however as you grew older you started to waver on that theory when the things he did would affect the real world.

(Like that one time he got mad at your fifth grade teacher and splashed her coffee mug all over her blouse with a monotone “oops”.)

You didn’t ask him why he was always around, and to be fair you didn’t want to know. At first he had been a pest, and you had been very adamant on getting him to leave you alone. But as the days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months, and then to years, you grew worried of the exact opposite. 

When had he left such a permanent stamp on your life? Was it when he saved you from tripping into a ditch that one time in third grade? Or when he gave hell to the guy who had embarrassed you in seventh grade by pretending to like you only for it to be a prank? (The look on his face when an invisible gust of wind knocked him off balance and his bag into the mud, giving him a makeover from the splash will forever make you collapse into giggles.)

“Why did you do it?” You remember asking, mascara running down your face - why did you bother dressing up for him, for this “date”, he was just like the rest, you were an idiot - when you got home that day. The glove wearing psychopath that followed you around did not care the most about you, this you knew from experience and many embarrassing memories. So why, at times, did he make it seem like he did? 

Your imaginary friend only stared at you blankly, making you shiver. He got like this sometimes - where his grinning persona would falter and you got a glimpse at the insanity beneath. There were occasions when it slipped, when he would hurt you and not worry about it - you were not mentioning that knife accident - or when he would just stare into space like a statue. 

This was one of those moments. Your hand was frozen with a baby wipe, in the process of wiping your mascara off while he stared at you with something swirling in that bottomless, pitch black void of his eye. He called you kid all the time, but the look now on his face was unreadable, timeless, as if he had been around for such a long time it was incomprehensible for you, seen things you couldn’t imagine. 

His head tilted, blonde tufts of his hair falling in front of his eye-patch. You blinked and then it was over, whatever had been there was gone and he was grinning like normal.

“Why not?” He rolled his eye, flicking your head so that it clonked painfully into the mirror. You yelped and whirled around to give him a piece of your mind but he was already gone. You rubbed at the spot on your temple that would have been bruising if any of that was real.

Yes, if it was real. You had learned long ago that while the bane of your life could mess with the outside world to a certain degree, he couldn’t actually touch you at all. It was only in your mind that he projected into when he did.

Still, pain he formed in your mind hurt just as much as in real life.

You stared at your reflection, dropping the dirty wipe into the garbage limply.


“Bill.”

“What?” His voice was startled in a way that you had never heard before. 

You blinked. You had gone to take a dip in the pool, and as you floated on the water’s surface, peering up, it had come to you.

“I said, Bill,” you repeated. “I can’t keep calling you ‘imaginary friend’ my whole life.”

He had never given you a name for him, and you in turn, like you always did, never asked. But he had been in your life for way too long, and you needed something to tie him down, something tangible you could finally latch his presence to.

Maybe that’s why he looked at you that way once the word left your lips. Maybe he didn’t want to be tied down.

“Why ‘Bill’?” He asked after a long silence, sitting on top the water’s surface as easily as you were floating.

When you didn’t answer he grew impatient and hooked your ankle with his cane, pulling you closer with a deadly tilt in his expression. “Why. Bill.”

While he didn’t actually pull you to him - again, he couldn’t touch you - the image in your mind of him doing so had distracted you enough that you lost your careful poise and floundered under the surface. You came up spluttering, hair sticking to your face and your mouth.

“What the hell,” You batted the water harshly with your palm, sending a splash at him with an annoyed tick of your eyebrow. 

The water phased right through him. “Don’t make me repeat myself, Y/N.”

You stopped. It was never Y/N. It was always ‘kid’, or some other ridiculous nickname he gave you. Whenever he said your actual name you knew he wasn’t joking around.

“I don’t know,” You rolled your eyes, gesturing to the brick pattern of his shirt. The shirt accompanied with his bow-tie and dapper but messy look over-all somehow just…fit the name perfectly. “It suits you.”

The man eyed you before laughing into a gloved hand. It bordered on the brink that you wondered if he was really okay, but eventually he stopped, shaking his head with a smile that let you know he had some kind of inside joke you weren’t aware of.

“What?” You asked. “Making fun of the name?”

“Not at all,” He mused, snapping the end of his glove onto his wrist, and you pretended you weren’t fascinated by the way the soft material accentuated his skin. “Bill, I like it.”

“Really?” You said, mouth open before you cleared your throat. “I mean, uh, okay.”

“Really,” He clarified, that glint in his eye again showing there was something you were definitely missing before he stretched his arms above his head. 

Just like that he was gone.

You absorbed his absence, going back to floating, the clouds looking to be pieces of taffy in the sky.

Wonder when he’s coming back this time, you wondered absentmindedly. 

Bill - yes, we were sticking with this - was sporadic. Sometimes you went to bed, and he was still there in the morning. Sometimes he followed you around for weeks at a time before he disappeared. But he always did, fading into the air around you like he was never there. 

He could leave and be back in five minutes, or you wouldn’t see him again till the next month. Once he didn’t return for almost a whole year and you wondered if you were finally regaining your sanity, but alas, you found him lounging on your bed when you arrived home from school. 

You always wondered where he was going, but you didn’t bother to ask him. (You were scared, too scared, you never asked him anything) He had a life just like you did, so there was no point.

You made a finger gun with your hand and halfheartedly flicked it to the sky.

“Bang.”

[MasterList]

neighbor! Joshua

(requested by no one but thas okie :))

  • anyone else seeing Josh with like the most aesthetic looking residence ever?
  • like I’m talking succulents and cacti lining the windows
  • and his prized possession his guitar in a corner with the sun’s rays hitting it perfectly
  • and a bookshelf with manga (like those are Joshua’s aesthetics)
  • and a really light open floor concept?
  • so he can see from his kitchen into the dining room and the living room
  • if svt is over he can look out over the probably ensuing chaos and take a moment for it to sink in
  • “I must be the luckiest person in the world, to have twelve amazing friends” (this would be my everything)
  • probably the first to welcome you to the neighborhood with something fancy like tiramisu cake
  • but then says he prefers cookies
  • so he invites you over to his house
  • and the aesthetics hit you like damn
  • “how the hell did your house looking this nice. which interior designer did you have to threaten.”
  • laughs at your joke thats a joke but not really
  • “ha ha no one, but thank you for thinking it’s really that nice.”
  • and we dont kill, im holy, this is a holy place
  • eat vernon came over looking for some food because the landlord almost uninstalled vernon’s kitchen after the last accident
  • so of course what comes around goes around 
  • and so all the cookies are eaten and the cake gets passed along to Wonwoo
  • happily gives you a tour of his place
  • probably has the Bible in a kitchen drawer somewhere 
  • teaches all the neighborhood kids who can sit still how to play guitar
  • starts a mini garage band with Woozi and the kids
  • they’re alright…. if you stand in the next neighborhood with earphones in
  • no but really, somehow they teach the kids how to jam 
  • and it’s freaking amazing
  • has this nice waterfall fountain bc the sounds of running water are really comforting
  • plays anime ost’s and exo in his house
  • “BABY DONT CRYYYY TONIGHTTT”
  • makes a killer cup of tea/coffee (LIKE HOW?!?!?)
  • “joshua i’d invest money for you to open a coffee shop. imagine all the money we’d rack in”
  • probably sings and plays guitar early in the morning
  • and if you have your windows open and strain real hard, you can just hear it
  • hard-core gardener, he and Wonwoo, the garden fairy, are going to plant a forest at this rate
  • imagine him with a straw hat though and long gardening gloves planting flowers in your flower box outside your window while you’re still sleeping
  • the next day it’s like poof magically there are flowers everywhere in the neighborhood
  • everyone’s last minute go-to for babysitting because he’s too nice to say no
  • plus he’s great with kids wink wink
  • gives everyone exactly the kind of gift they wanted for birthdays and end of the year holidays
  • “Shua, I wanted this book, how did you know?”
  • “that album is so hard to find, and you got it vinyl? I’m-”
  • “HOW DID YOU KNOW I WANTED A BUCKET OF CARAMEL CORN?!?!?”
  • when you open your gift your just so touched, almost about to shed tears
  • “JOSHUA THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS SUCCULENT, BLESS YOUR BEAUTIFUL SOUL!”

Originally posted by jisooosgf

MASTERLIST

min yoongi as your boyfriend

if you guys like these, feel free to request the other members! (of any of the 3 groups i write for) 

Taehyung / Hoseok / Jimin / Jungkook

Seventeen / Got7

__

- waking up would be interesting because sometimes he would be too far gone in his slumber but also he may be up working still on his laptop, you never know. 

- when you two are getting ready together (which doesnt happen too often) you do it in silence but he occasionally will reach out an arm and just pat your back or something when you’re brushing your teeth idk

- sometimes you dont know what to wear and yoongi is like “i got this” and picks out a bomb outfit tbh he has a really nice fashion sense and it works so well 

- you guys dont have any of the matching couple stuff but you do have identical leather jackets and they are super cute but not cheesy

- tbh both of your diets are pretty crappy because he never is home in time for a home-cooked meal so there is a lot of nights you order takeout and eat it in front of a bad crime TV show or go out to a fast food restaurant at like 2 a.m. and order a bunch of fries. its fun tho

- he’s the type of boyfriend that’s really subtle with his love. like he knows your order at almost every restaurant and he knows all your clothing sizes and such but he tends to blush when you call him out on it

- “i was not blushing, shut up”

- “yes you were, it was cute" 

- when he’s stuck on a song, he calls you to the studio since you guys live close. you’ll come in and inspire him but you dont usually go home. instead he lets you sit on his lap and 9/10 times you end up falling asleep with his headphones in as he works. it’s v cute and warm

- you really enjoy his voice but he is quiet a lot so you purposely poke at him to get a reaction and he acts annoyed, but he secretly thinks it’s adorable af

- he was a little nervous meeting your family but he pretended like he wasnt so you told your family to give him a little of a hard time at the start for a joke and they did and he was /so/ flustered but a minute later everybody was laughing and giving him hugs but he just glared at you with a murderous look

- he is really supportive and encouraging, but he doesnt push you more than needed. like if your boss is demanding you to do something you absolutely do not want to do, he’ll just be like "yah, dont do it. screw him” but when its something you just arent sure you can do, he’s always there like “there is no reason to be like that, you can do it" like honestly he is the cutest lil motivator

- when it thunderstorms and he’s at the studio he always calls you because you get a little nervous and he will sometimes rap softly or hum or narrate his day and honestly it’s the most comforting thing in the world. 

- when you convince him to cuddle with you its really relaxing because he’s warm and cool at the same time and he always knows how to make you comfortable subconsciously and you feel really safe

- kissing yoongi is hard to describe because sometimes his lips are cold and quick against yours but other times they’re hot and slow and honestly it doesn’t stop there, its different every time

- during the holidays he acts like he’s too “swag” to participate in the corny couple things but you always convince him otherwise. on halloween you always carve pumpkins together and drink apple cider but on christmas you two wear ugly sweaters and bake (terrible) cookies that you leave out over night for “santa” just for the fun of it. he pretends to hate it but he really does enjoy ever second of it

- he’s protective but in a way you dont notice like he gives a hard glare to anybody who looks at you wrong while you arent looking or making sure to walk on the outside when you guys venture out 

- and he always makes sure to stash a granola bar or crackers in your bag because you forget to eat sometimes and people wouldnt expect him to be so thoughtful, but he is  in his head a lot so he has a lot of time to think of such things

- he didnt want to introduce you to the boys for the longest time because you were his and he was secretly a little afraid that you would like the outgoing and affectionate members more than him but you assured him that you were with him and wanted to stay with him

- he wasnt quite reassured because he’s that type of person but when he introduced you to them, you always gravitated back to him which gave him peace so he didn’t have to worry anymore

- when you guys said i love you for the first time it was because you had told a really bad joke but kept giggling and yoongi was just like “you’re so cute, i love you” and then you stopped giggling and stared up at him with disbelief but quickly smiled and hugged him tightly and said i love you back and tbh yoongi was so relieved because he was so in love with you and if you werent he didnt know what to do because he had to protect his “swag” and ya know, pride

- being in a relationship with yoongi would be very calm and comforting and you both were extremely content and very much in love with the other

Glory Glade P1

 MOVIE: MAZE RUNNER
COUPLE: NEWT X READER (PRIMARILY) + READER X REST OF GLADE ALMOST
RATING: SSSSSUUUUPPPPEEEERRR SSSSSMMMMMUUUUTTT!!!!!!!

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i am bAck w another cliche high school au headcanon thing bc i was asked if i had any more (this is lowkey based on real life events but an au nonetheless). i swear it wasnt supposed to be this long but fake relationship is my fav kind of au and i kinda got carried away so um yeahh~~~~

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100 FOLLOWERS THANKYOUS

So, I figured I would make a long list of people who have helped get me hear or have just kept me company! This is in no specific order:
@shitpost-no-kyojin - So, when I first made this tumblr not too long ago, I asked Ivana (that’s her name I’m only saying it because she has said it on her blog) for advice! Which helped tremendously! (Funfact she was my first follower) And she’s also quite a nice person and we’ve become great friends!
@definitely-not-normal / @hanjizoe-official - A great artist and my smbtf! Haha, many of you guys know her as we talk a lot over our blog, and some people (shipping anon-kun) even ship us XD Anyways, we talk a lot and she’s one of the nicest people you will ever meet (also the majority of my trolls are on her) so Thankyou!
@how-to-lifu - (it’s 4pm here, ha!) Me and Blub (that’s her nickname I think I’m allowed to use that) talk a lot, and she’s both very friendly, and very evil >:D (I mean that in the best way possible). I’ve had much fun being evil with you!
@a-youngblood-killjoy heyo! So killjoy (I’ll just use that to shorten the name) is one of the first people I met on tumblr (along with the people listed above) and was such a friendly person! I’ve really enjoyed our (90% of the time very weird) talks! Even though we can’t talk too much because of a big gap in time zones, when we can it’s always really fun, so Thankyou!
@shingeki-no-dead-otp / @reblog-your-erwin / @my-cat-trastu - another person who I’ve been talking to since day one, I also asked them for any advice when I first got a tumblr! This helped very much and along with Ivana I credit them as part of the reason I got here! I’ve really enjoyed when we talk, so Thankyou!
@likeahbraus / @rolfthesonofashepard - my DADMOM! another one of the people who I started talking to very early on when I made this! She is an amazing person and has a great interpretation of Sasha from AoT and Rolf form Ed Edd and Eddy! She’s such a nice person and very funny, so thankyou!
@ackerme - my mom (but not literally)! - I started talking to her a little later than most of the people on this list, but I sure am happy I did start talking to her! BUT MESS UP AND SHE WILL SCOLD YOUR ASS BE AFRAID BE VERY AFRAID! XD All jokes aside, she has a heart of gold and is one of the best people you will ever meet, so thanks mom!
@mommakirschtein / @mikasita-ackerman / @fokal - My Momkasa! She is a super lovely person and the first RP blog I talked to (lol I remember I threw cookies at her with @definitely-not-normal)! She is such a sweet person and all her RPs are great, so I advise checking them out! Thank you Momkasa!
@teatimewithamz - although they are the most recently met person on this list, already a great (and terrible too but in the best way possible) friendship has blossomed between us! They are a very funny person and very fun and easy to talk to! Thankyou!
@daydream24-7 - A very friendly and considerate person (and a fellow member of the Mikasa support squad!). Although we haven’t had the chance to talk too much, when we have she has always been very friendly and supportive! So, thankyou!
@redcoaster - a fellow artist (and an amazing one at that)! We haven’t been able to talk too much, but when we have the conversations have always been very fun and interesting! She is a very friendly person and very nice to talk to! If you haven’t already I advise looking at her art, it is amazing! (My personally favorite is the female Titan)! Thankyou!
@hanji-freaking-zoe-official - such a nice and easy to talk to person! Thinking about it now, I don’t quite remember how we met, but I’m sure happy we did! When we have conversations (by conversations I really mean goofing off together) they never fail to keep me entertained! So, thankyou!
@h-a-n-j-i–z-o-e - I met them pretty recently, but they are such a nice person and a great RP blog! I’ve had fun goofing off with them RPing as Levi or Ymir, and they are so easy to have fun with! Thankyou!
@annie-leonhardts-ass - A fellow member of the butt brotherhood! They are such a sweet person and I’ve always enjoyed our chats very much! (We may or may not be a cult where we make sacrifices [only occasionally human] to attack on Titan characters butts). They play a great Annie and write very well! Also their responses will never make you fail to laugh (like seriously XD)! Thankyou!
@casually-not-fitting-in - one of the sweetest people you will ever meet! We haven’t talked in a while because I’ve had finals, but I can’t wait to chat with them again! I’ve always loved our conversations and look forward to the ones ahead! Thankyou!
@bxtrxyed - another great RP blog! He is a very friendly person and we always have very enjoyable conversations! AND GUESS WHAT I WAS THAT ANON WHO SAID YOU WOULD BE SALT!!! SO, HA!! XD But all jokes aside, Thankyou!
@necrochet - Not an AoT blog, but still a hilarious person and such a fun person to talk to! WHATEVER YOU DO DONT ASK HIM TO SEND YOU PICTURES OF MUSCULAR TOAD!!!! Our conversations never fail to make me laugh! Thankyou!
@timid-warrior - another person who I met VERY recently, but nonetheless ( or should I say nichtsdestotrotz ;) ) I have very much enjoyed our conversations! They RP a fantastic Bertholdt, and they are such a nice person! AND THEY STILL WONT FREAKING TELL ME WHAT IS SO BAD ABOUT MY ICON!! I have enjoyed our conversation so much! Thankyou!
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So, now that the list is over I just want to give one more big thankyou to all these people! Whether they directly helped me with my blog or are the reason I enjoy doing this and stay on tumblr, they all have positively contributed to me in some way, and I have no doubt things wouldn’t be as enjoyable without each and everyone of them! Also… I’m probably forgetting someone, and as soon as I post this I’m gonna be all like,“What I talk to them literally daily how did I forget them!?”… if you’re one of those people I’m sorry! Please message me telling me, I promise you I won’t mind! Haha, I was kinda debating being a dick and leaving out people who I always talk to to deliberately annoy them, but I decided not to! Well, anyways, this is already long enough and I doubt anyone’s gonna read the whole thing, but I also want to say Thankyou to each and everyone of you who were weird enough to somehow like my trash content! So, thankyou to all of you guys!

kathycats  asked:

dUDE. jackcrutchie where crutchies having an Anxiety day and jack comforts him

Okay. I’m sorry this took forever and a day but I wrote it!! :D

In which Jack (and Davey) come to Crutchies rescue and make sure he’s safe and happy:

~~~

Davey: Do you know what’s up with Crutchie? He was acting super weird in English.

Jack: is he ok??

Davey: I don’t know. Maybe he’ll talk to you because he hardly said a word to me in class.

Jack: k ill go n find him

Davey: Please use punctuation, and spell words out, Jack. How many times to I have to ask?

Jack: a zillion i still wont use it just 4 u 🤓

Davey: Just go find Crutchie.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Whats the worst undertale thing you think youve ever seen, asking in a purely humor way. If its so horrid that you dont even want to say it in fear someone (me) would google it, you dont gotta, but im curious.

I… actually don’t know! I haven’t exactly seen anything too bad? And I mean that purely like, I haven’t seen anything that made me cringe and exit out. 

I could go into the fact that a lot of people in this fandom demonized Asgore into the ground while putting Toriel on a pedestal? That always bothered the living shit out of me, because it’s almost as if they didn’t even play the game yet went around attacking people who liked him as a character? 

That’s probably the ‘worst’ I’ve seen, right next to the person who decided to give a Frans artist cookies full of needles and thought that was remotely okay to do. (I still have a huge-ass draft saved of a rant I did for that incident… but I don’t know if I’ll post it.)

Dancing in the Downpour (Phil Lester)

A/N

Hello this is my first Phil Lester fanfiction, I really hope that you enjoy it and I am slowly making my way through the list of fics that I am looking forward to writing. This was really fun to write and I am actually really proud of this one do thank you for requesting it! Requests are always appreciated however if they take longer for me to get to them quickly its because I am busy and a bit lazy so apologies however i try to write them to the best of my abilities as quickly as I can as well :)

Requested by: crybaby-cries-alot

I hope you dont mind that i changed it a little to your request however I am proud of the way that it turned out and I hope that you like it too!

Words: 1,800+

-Emily

***

its a warm Sunday morning and Phil and I have just woken up after a long good night sleep. It is Spring and we are currently still lying in bed the both of us too weary to get out of bed and prepare for the day, however at the rate that this is going it doesnt look like a lot will be happening in the near future. I peer to my right and see my beautiful boyfriend lying next to me awake, dreary, but awake. I continue to stare lovingly over at Phil and take in his features that are lit up by the orange tinge that illuminates our surroundings. His dark locks had been pushed back on top of his head giving him a dark ruffled quiff. Though it was early his eyes still sparkled in the light (that was mainly coming from the glare on his phone), clouds of grey and blue enticing me even more everytime I see them. Moreover, it was hard for me to get a proper glimpse at his eyes when he had his dark frames carefully balanced on the bridge of his nose that were enabling him to read and absorb his twitter feed. He was wearing plain black top that he accidentally ordered in multiple sizes too big for him, and Phil being Phil he couldnt be bothered to send it back, I suppress a chuckle as I think back to the memory of Phil putting on that top for the first time. The clothing had hung low around his neck, the sleeves and the bottom of the top as well.

“Y/N you should really try and make your staring less obvious.” Phil says not taking his eyes off of his phone however he was grinning in pride that he had been able to catch you in the act.

“I don’t know what you are talking about” I say trying to act innocent and brush off what he said. I turn my attention back to my phone hoping he would drop the subject. It must have been no more than 13 seconds afterwards when i felt the bed shuffling and the duvet was being pulled and tugged around all over the place.

“What on earth are you doing Phil?”

Phil didnt reply to me he just showed me when his head was placed on my stomach. He took a few more tries to get the position that he was comfortable in just right. His long legs that were being covered in his cookie monster pyjama trousers were dangling over the end of the bed.

“I have been with you for so long and I have that it is best to just not ask questions” I say laughing and shaking my head and my silly boyfriend.

“I love you Y/N” Phil had a wide grin spread across his face and was looking up at me with tired eyes.

“I love you too Phil”

There is a pause for a while where we both focus all our attention on our devices present until Phil chirps up.

“So what do you want to do today?” Phil asks

“I dont know, how about we go into London and get some lunch?”

“Sound good to me”

**Some time later**

We had eaten lunch at a small cafe that we had found in a small back alley in Islington and we were walking hand in hand through the street, we were surrounded by busy shoppers and commuters. When suddenly Phil stops in his tracks.

“Y/N, do you know what day it is today?”

“Yes Phil it is Thursday the 13th of Apr-”

I cut myself off and looked at Phil and he looked at me grinning, how had we not remembered.

“Its our 1 year anniversary and we completely forgot about it” Phil says trying to conceal his laughter.

It was typical that the two most forgetful and clumsy people ever had forgotten that it was a special day that marked one year that they had been together. it was at that moment when the pair of us were unable to contain our laughter for any longer and we stood there, in the street, on our one year anniversary and I was happy and content.

Phil suggested that we go on a small walk around a park that isnt too far from the flat, much to my protests about the the gloomy weather that was looming up ahead, however Phil persisted and we were now in a green park that was rather busy with families with their smaller children. You have to watch your step because of you are careless or not looking properly then you are risking kicking a small child. these factors are intensified when you are a 6ft 3 male who is also a massive clutz, i am constantly re directing phil and having to go “watch out” before he knocks an excitable toddler flying.

it is around 4:30 in the afternoon and me and Phil are now sitting on the swings of the park that earlier on in the day would have been infested with giddy young children. However, now in the early evening it had been inhabited by two lovesick grown up who were competing on how high they could swing on the swings.

The families have fled, I believe this is due to the fact that there is a daunting dirty grey cloud that is sneaking closer to us quicker than we both anticipated.

“Phil as much as I would love to sit here on the swings all day with you I do think that we should make our way home as I don’t fancy getting caught up in that rain that is getting closer to us” I tell Phil, however he doesnt seem to want to move.

“Let’s stay”

He catches a glimpse of the unimpressed look on my face

“Not for long though” 

he corrects himself and I nod in response thinking about how when we return home we will be soaked through our clothing. Phil grins, takes my hand with his large one and drags me over to the rather tall metal slide that remind me of days out to the park as a child.

I called it. Five minutes after I suggested we make our way home it starts to rain, this is not the sort of rain that would create a light pitter-patter sound on the roof that could be counted as somewhat relaxing, however this was the kind of rain that frustrates you and disturbs your television experience forcing you to turn it up over the trashing sound that can be heard a mile away. 

“Phil I told you it would rain and now look at us” I exclaim standing in a children’s play area in the middle of London at about 5 O’clock on the afternoon.

Phil doesn’t say a word just walk over to me with water dripping down his chiseled face, he brings his hands up to place them on my cheek brushing away some of the damp loose hairs as he does so. The tension builds as I wait for him to remove the space that was between us that felt like miles. We have kissed many times before but this one felt as though it was going to be different, it felt like all the emotions in our relationship were all going to be communicated through this one illuminating kiss.

Then he does it. the gap has been filled by the collision of our soft lips moulding together to create one. If feels like the first time we kissed again, who knew that two intimate body parts colliding could create such a rush of emotions and memories fill your body making you feel whole and pure. I was taken back to that night, that night on the sofa where Phil was desperate to kiss me however he was to nervous to make the first move, but when he did it I thought that that kiss would be the best kiss I have ever had in my life. It has been, until today, until now. It is similar to our first kiss however this one contains so much more passion, emotion and lust. This kiss communicated how much our love for eachother has grown and adapted to each others needs over time. That for me was special.

We pull away. then just as I think that the tender moment between us was over, the one that left me wondering if Phil was experiencing the same lust and emotions as I was had ended I notice that Phil has extended his palm to me as  a gesture for me to take it.

What was he doing? 

Phil noticed how hesitantly I have reacted and spoke up.

“Trust me Y/N”

And I do, I trust Phil with all my heart and I cant see me living in a world without Phil, and for that to be a figment of my imagination there needs to be trust.

I grab his strong hands that I trust with every inch of my body then instantaneously I am twirled around on the spot, I was shocked at the action from both parties.  it was unlike Phil to pursue such a vulnerable gesture however it was unlike myself to participate in the action itself. Embarrassment curses through my veins.

“Phil what are you doing people will see us?” I scold him, the embarrassment and lack of self esteem fuels through my body at an alarming rate. Only a minute ago I was relaxing my body into Phils delicate kiss now I am tense and ashamed about dancing in the rain where other members of the general public will see me.

“Who cares Y/N, its our anniversary live a little” Phil encourages me by pulling my soaked body closer to his chest and plays with my hands gently.

“I’m not too sure Phil, people will stare at us”

“So what if they stare they can stare all they like and even if people do stare I don’t think you have much to worry about considering the only people that I can see are currently leaving the park.”

 I turn and see that Phil was right I see a what I can only assume is a father who is pushing a pram at great speed whilst attempting to usher a couple of toddlers in the right direction and out of the downpour.

“Fuck it” I curse and grabs Phil’s hand and we dance together in the pouring rain, all our worries and cares had been washed away by the rain water and we are hear frolicking in a childs play area in a freezing shower of rain. As Phil spins me around again straight into a puddle I think for the second time today that I am happy and content where I am right now with who I am right now.

Dream pt. 1

Hi! Love your stories! I have a newt request if you fancy it? The reader is marrying a man she doesn’t love (arranged marriage or she doesn’t remember newt because she was oblivated) but newt is in love with her and she with him. He asks her not to go through with it and kisses her, they end up sleeping together then Newt asks her to come away with him and travel instead and she agrees

I went with Obliviated because feels guys. Also, the Italics are flashbacks/dreams

PT2 PT3


“N-Newt, I don't want to forget” You cry out. 

You’re standing in the subway overhang. The rain continues to pour. Newt has tears in his eyes, all he wants is to take you far away and be with you forever but, he knows he can’t. 

“It’s quicker than falling asleep love” Newt reassures you, holding back his own tears. 

“I-I love you” you cry out. 

You hold onto Newts coat tighter, not wanting to let go. 

“You’ll be okay love, You’ll live your life, you don’t need me” Newt tells you, stroking your hair. 

You start to cry harder, Newt’s heart breaks even more, tears trying to escape. 

“Y/n, It’s time” Tina says reluctantly, her own voice breaking. 

You let go of Newts coat and walked into the rain, giving one last glance at the man you loved. 

You shot up gasping for breath. The same dream, the man in a blue coat and the lady. You almost had the names on the tip of your tongue. 

“Are you okay babe?” you turn your head and see your fiance lying half asleep next to you. \

“Yes I'm okay, just excited about the Wedding that’s all” you assure your them. 

You lied back down and pulled the blankets up and fell back asleep. You woke up to your fiance gone, Just a note sits next to you.

 Morning sweetheart, 

I have to work today, it was an emergency but I will see you tonight. 

Love, Jason

You got out of bed and got dressed. Your wedding was in a few days and you had to check on your cake. As you walk to the bakery you pass by Macys, a light blue coat catches your eye. It’s a beautiful blue color, it almost seemed comforting. You shrugged it off and kept walking, maybe you would buy it for the winter months. 

“Hello Jacob!” you called as you walked into the bakery. 

Jacob turned around and greeted you with a smile. You met Jacob when he opened his bakery a couple months ago and you two quickly became good friends. You begged him to make your wedding cake, which he happily agreed, and he was also invited to your wedding.  

“Hi Y/n, What can I do for ya?” Jacob asks. 

“Just came to check on the cake” you replied. Jacob chuckled, 

“This is the tenth time this week you’ve come to check y/n”. You blush a little, 

“Okay you caught me, It just smells so good in here” you admit. Jacob laughs and turns to his other worker, 

“Henry, im going to take a break, you think you can handle the bakery for a few minutes” The boy nods and Jacob takes off his apron. 

He grabs two cookies and sits down next to you. 

“Thank you” you say taking the cookie from his hand. 

The two of you engage in conversation for a little bit. “So where’s Jason?” Jacob questions. 

You sigh looking down, “Work, it was an emergency.” you say. Jacob gives you a sympathetic look. 

“It’s okay, he works a lot but he is very successful.” you say, trying to prove that things were fine.  

Jacob was about to pry when the bell rang on his door. He quickly stood up and a big smile appeared on his face. You turned to look at who Jacob was looking at, a beautiful blonde lady stood in front of him. 

“Hey Queenie!” Jacob says excitedly. 

“Hi Jacob!” she replies cheerfully. 

“There was something I wanted to ask you” Jacob says nervously, “Would you like to go to a wedding with me?” 

“Oh! I would Love too!” she exclaims, “When is it?” she asks. 

“In a couple days” Jacob answers. He looks at you, you give him a thumbs up. Jacob laughs and Queenie looks confused. 

“Oh Queenie, there’s someone I’d like you to meet. This is the wonderful person getting married” Queenie turns and looks at you. Her hand goes to her mouth, her eyes flash with different emotions. 

“Hello Miss, are you okay?” you ask in concern. She snaps out of it and puts on a smile, 

“Yes im fine, it’s just, I adore weddings. So many emotions” She says. 

Her tone is happy but something else is laced in with her voice. 

“So who’s the lucky man?” 

“My fiance, Jason. he’s at work but we are going to spend some time together before the wedding” You answer. 

“Well, I hope it goes well and I’ll definitely be there” She hugs you, her hug lingers a little but you don’t mind. 

“Um Queenie, I have a question. There’s this lovely blue coat I saw in the window of Macys department store. Do you think I should get it? I know we just met but you have amazing style” you say sheepishly. 

“Dont worry honey, I saw the coat you’re talking about and I think it would look amazing on you!” She replies. 

“Thank you” you say. 

“I’m going to leave you two alone now. Goodbye!” You call. 

You walk past Macys again, the coat is still there. You look longing at the coat, you had some extra money to spend. 

“It’s so beautiful” you murmur to yourself. 

You walk in the store and try on the coat. it fits perfectly and you couldn’t resist, you but the coat and rush home. Jason was already asleep, your heart dropped a little but you shook it off. I was late anyway. You curled up next to him and fell asleep. 

“What creature is this Newt?” you ask curiously. 

“These are my Bowtruckles” he answers. One climbs from the tree to your arm, you let out a small laugh. Newt smiles at you. 

“That is Finn” he tells you. 

You let Finn climb onto your shoulder. Newt watched you as you played with Finn. Squealing distracted you from the Bowtruckles, little snake dragon things were in a nest. Newt made his way over, 

“Mummys here” he comforted to his animals. You giggled as he continued calling himself mummy. 

“These are my Occamies. Very protective creatures, They are also Chroanaptyxic and Choranaptyxic. Which means they grow and shrink to fit available space” he explains. he looks over at you and see;s your eyes full of wonder. 

“Would you like to hold one?” he asks

. Your eyes widen, “I’d love to!” you exclaim. 

Newt carefully puts the Occamy in your hands. It slithers into a spiral, it looks at you with curiosity. You stare at it making cooing noises. The Occamy chirps happily at you and you hand him back to Newt. hile Newt put the Occamies away you looked up at the nest above the Occamies. 

“Who’s nest is that?” you ask pointing at the nest above the Occamies. 

“Oh no Dougals gone” Newt said worriedly. “Dougal?” You ask. “My demiguise. he looks like this” Newt shows you a picture of a white looking creature, “He must have escaped” Newt explains. 

“Don’t worry Newt. Jacob and I will help you find him” You told him. Newt smiles at you. 

“Newt!” Jacobs voice called from the direction of the giant aquarium. 

“Ill be right back” Newt said to you before running to Jacob. 

You watched him walk away and you couldn’t stop yourself from smiling. 

“Y/n?” A voice woke you up. Jason was shaking you awake. 

“I made you some breakfast. I have to run to the office but I’ll be home early tonight I promise” Jason kissed you on the cheek before dashing out the door. 

You sighed and looked down at the food. You picked at it, your dream taking over your thoughts. The man in the coat again but this time, jacob was there. The mans name was still in your mind. 

You think it started with an N? You had to ask Jacob. It was probably just a coincidence. you were with Jacob most of the day yesterday anyway. But was the harm in asking. You hopped out of bed and got dressed. 

Wearing your new coat you hurried over to the Bakery. You burst through the door. 

“Jacob I had the weirdest dream last night. You were in it and something that looked a lot like your cookies and this man in a blue coat.” You blurt out, not even bothering to look up, you walked past a couple people and stood right in front of Jacob. 

“The coat was just the same color as mine” you explain gesturing to your coat. 

“Do you know anyone who dresses like that?” Jacob looked at you, then behind you, then back at you again. 

“What was the mans name” Jacob asks slowly.

 “I can’t recall but I think it starts with an N” you answer. 

Jacob looks behind you again. Curious, you turn around and are met with three people. One was Queenie, the second was another lady you hadn’t met and the last person made you stare with your mouth open. 

A man stood in front of you, he had a leather case in his hands, a dark colored bow tie and a blue coat, the same color as yours. His face had freckles all over it and he mirrored your expression. His hair was floppy and a cinnamon color. He was looking at you with so many emotions. 

“Y/n?” The man finally croaked out. 

A wave of emotion overcame you. This was the man from your dreams, the one you couldn’t get out of your head every night. The man who you would think about. You looked directly into his eyes before you whispered something, the mans name finally came to your memory. 

“Newt?”