i worked pretty hard on this too

some self-care/mental health tips for the upcoming school year

with school coming soon or already starting for some people i figured i’d share some of my tips for a healthier lifestyle. i know in the past i’ve struggled so much with being good to myself once school starts, both mentally, emotionally, and physically!

keep a clean room 

i know how hard this is. i’m absolutely awful at it, even in the summer but it really makes the biggest difference. coming home to a mess when your life is already stressful and messy enough just makes things worse. i know when i have a clean space i’m way more productive and at peace with my situation.

take a break from social media

just doing this every once in awhile makes the hugest difference. social media is a wonderful world but it’s easy to get caught up in how everyone is doing things without you or having more fun or how someone’s prettier or whatever. it’s not worth it. i’ve learned that just deleting the apps for even a few hours can make my mental state 10x better. it’s important to realize that while people are out doing things all the time, you can never be as fun as all the 162 people you follow combined.

don’t be afraid to invite people out

one of the biggest things i struggle with is being social, simply because i overthink inviting people to do things with me too much and just wait to be invited by someone else instead. remember that even if someone says they can’t do something, it’s not the end of the world. at least you opened up a possibility!!! by being someone who invites others to do things, people will feel more appreciated and like you actually want to hang out with them! but also always save time for yourself as well!

create a self-care routine with motivation

by giving yourself some type of reward to wash your face, brush your teeth and shower, such as only watching your favorite tv show afterwards, it will feel a bit easier to accomplish the tasks that seem simple but can be terribly hard, especially if you suffer from depression. i’ve learned that combining things into one task also makes it easier, such as once you get in the shower, do everything. wash your face, brush your teeth, shave, all in the shower. it makes self-care so much easier.

get outside, stay out of bed

laying in bed is the best thing ever, i know, but it can be so easy to get in there and never get out. this is my biggest bad habit. i feel more productive even just sitting on the couch. my bed is like a black hole of lost motivation. go outside for twenty minutes a day if you can. sunlight makes things a little better and staying inside all day does nothing for you.

do one thing that scares you everyday, big or small.

i’m someone who has struggled with social anxiety for years now, but i’m slowly getting better because i’m making a conscious (and very terrifying effort) everyday. this won’t work for everyone, i know, but it’s helped me a little bit. i try to challenge myself everyday to do one thing that scares me, whether it’s asking someone to do something after school or agreeing to get coffee with a friend you’re not super close to yet, or even just making conversation with someone next to me in class. don’t push yourself too far but don’t make zero effort either.

cut the negative language/mindset

anytime you have a negative thought find a reverse positive. even saying “i’m not happy with how my hair looks but my ass looks great in these jeans” is better than saying “i look awful today”. stop the constant internal bullying! think of it this way, if your best friend said the things you say to yourself, how would you feel? you’re your own best friend, so cut the shit! compliment yourself like you do your best friend. complimenting myself and finding things i find beautiful on my own body even once a day has increased my confidence exponentially. a negative language towards yourself leads to a negative mindset.

find someone who motivates you

if you need motivation to work out, study, anything, find a buddy. having someone to do things with and hold you accountable makes a world of difference. this summer i got together with a friend and made a deal that we would work out 2-3 times a week. it worked so much better than if i had just made that goal for myself because she was always there to text me to ask to workout when we needed to but i lacked the desire. and i did the same for her. now we actually both got a job at a gym together this fall and are working out consistently because we have that mutual  accountability with each other! plus just having someone you enjoy seeing makes doing the hard task more fun!

accept your individuality

you don’t need to look like society’s ideal of beautiful. there’s millions of types of flowers, and just because one kind is pretty to someone, does that make all the others ugly? no. there’s tons of species of dogs too and they all look totally different. is a poodle ugly just because a golden retriever is cute? NO. your individuality is you. everyone is beautiful in the very own unique way. don’t try to look like someone ellse. your beauty is not measured by how perfect your features are. 

drink some fucking water

and eat some food too

understand that a bad week doesn’t mean a bad life

we’re all going to go through those weird ass time periods where it feels like everything sucks and nothing can go right. accept that although it’s pretty bad right now, it won’t be forever. 

good luck with this school year everyone! hope my tips help even just one person. take care of yourselves, kiddos.

My opinion about the signs

Okay… I know this is not really my type of content but I always find these interesting to read so I thought I’ll post one myself.

Aries: you can count on them, don’t take things too seriously, get mad at small things, much fun to hang out with, somewhat egoistic, as soon as they find someone more interesting than you they will hang out with them (though, they will not forget about you)

Taurus: I always become extremly good friends with them, so relaxing to hang out with them, weird humour, very determined and stubborn, talk a loooot, in a relationship they need a lot of physical interaction, they make me feel like home, laughs about every little thing, cute laugh

Gemini: fun people to hang out with, their humour is so… unexpected like they say things you would have never thought about, tend to hide their serious feelings/emotions, take the side of the person they want to impress, think too much about how they can impress someone rather than just beeing themselves (even through their personality is way more charming)

Cancer: a little too sensitive for my taste, can get very annoying but they are too cute to be mad at, need a lot of protection, very giggly, great story-tellers (but they tend to tell you the same story over and over again), materialistic, put you first, loves from the bottom of their heart, pretty smart but dumb at the same time

Leo: warmhearted people, try to be funny and cool all the time (but fail eventually lol too cute), buys you a lot of gifts, attention-lovers, likes to meet new people, very vain when it comes to their appearance, very nervous when having tests/exams, naturally intelligent (unfortunately this doesn’t help them much in school), enjoys good food

Virgo: stress themselves way too much, overthink everything, usually very good in school, gets mad and stressed when things don’t work out as they thought they would, sort of a boring personality, they can talk sooooo much, very sensitive (!!!), tend to be too harsh on themselves, high expectations of themselves

Libra: naturally flirty af, cute smile, scared to be alone, talks most of the time about themselves, makes sure everybody is getting enough attention, very lazy, does things in the last minute, usually the one studying for a test/exam the lesson before, clumsy, needs protection, don’t like confrontations/fights, not good at making decisions or being on time

Scorpio: just like libras they talk a lot about themselves, get veeeeery obsessive over things and people, their staring is so intense that it makes me feel uncomfortable, cares a lot about their loved ones, scared to show feelings, makes very weird but cute compliments you would have never gotten from anybody else, sporty, try to flirt but that’s just a little… cringe-worthy lol

Sagittarius: now… these people are the absolut oppostie of me, always awkward when we hang out together, not the most loyal boyfriend/girlfriend/friend, always wearing top outfits, always looking good, cares a lot about their hair or in general their appearance, not the best in school, party every weekend, straightforward

Capricorn: makes sooo many cute compliments, I have this weird attraction towards them, extremly sexy, intelligent, can’t sit still, they are very weird people, humour consists of sarcasm and dad jokes and can be very dry, know way too well how to seduce people, not the best in expressing their feeling but they try, ABSOLUT SWEETHEARTS, gets shy when being complimented, very sensitive, never forget their mistakes and always regret them (no matter how small it was)

Aquarius: makes me feel like home at the very first meeting, either pretty chill or being pissed off at silly things, don’t like stubborn people, tendency to be very religious, very good friends, will do everything for and with you, works hard to reach their goals, plans everything weeks/months before

Pisces: I either like or can’t stand them, actually quite egoistic, not the best in using the right words, sensitive af 24/7, dark humour, cries a lot, scared to hurt someones feelings (even if they don’t like the person), avoids confrontations/fights by not saying what’s really on their mind, in a fight they will say the most hurtful things (and will regret them their whole life), using the victim-card way too often, most of the time smiling

2

This is a bit late but here’s my work for the @notyourpuppetsfanzine!!

The show really means a lot to me and was there when I went through hard times. Things sort of…happened around the time the episodes of Northwest Mansion Mystery and Not What He Seems aired. A Tale of Two Stans hit pretty close to home too. Gravity Falls has become a consistent comfort to me during those times.

Anyway, I’m super glad to have worked on this project along with many amazing artists!!!!! Hope you guys enjoy my contribution-!!

Why I Stopped Posting Pictures of my Top Surgery Results

On December 14th 2015, after many years of waiting, I had top surgery. Like many people in the years leading up to my surgery I scoured the internet for photos for people who had had surgery with my surgeon. Being in Canada and mostly only operating in one province I wasn’t surprised to not find a whole lot. 

I also looked for results from other people of colour, other South Asian people, and people with body types similar to mine. Unfortunately, I didn’t find much. I found that the spaces dedicated to surgery results weremainly dominated by white, slim, and muscular folks. 

I was frustrated because I knew that that my results would look drastically different than theirs. Despite my best efforts I found myself feeling frustrated with other POC. I knew that slim, muscular white people would be celebrated and get more traction than POC but there was so little out there. I didn’t need the posts or Youtube videos to be popular I just needed them to exist. I thought I understood why those results weren’t as out there, and partially I did, but now I really get it. 

When I first saw my post-op chest eight days after surgery I was elated. My partner took a couple pictures of that moment and I happily posted them on the internet (even if I felt a little self-conscious). In the days and weeks following my reveal I kept posting updated pictures though I was more and more hesitant to do so each time. Every time I did I got negative feedback about my results, weight,and body shape; reblogs, messages from anonymous people on Tumblr, and comments on Facebook posts (almost exclusively from other trans folks) left me feeling shitty about my body and results. 

Before those comments I felt good about my results and while I had issues with my hips and stomach and lack of muscles I was working to feel better about myself and my body.  So I stopped posting about my results. When one type of body is the only type celebrated in a community anyone who looks different is going to feel excluded and self-conscious - when they are then met with negative comments it’s no wonder they stop posting. It’s not a coincidence that it is hard to find top surgery results from non-thin, muscular, white people.


Does posting these pictures mean that I am over my body image problems: hell no. In fact, I have been feeling pretty self-conscious for the last little while (thanks grad school for meaning I’m too busy and poor to work out or always eat right) but I want to share my results. While I know that I’m not plus sized and don’t really consider myself fat (and benefit in society because of that) I’m also don’t super thin or cut. I want other people who look like me to know that there are other people like them in this community. I want to fight the dominance of white people in these spaces by being present. 

I know that I’m opening myself up to those comments again but I hope that people reading this will realize this it is not okay to make negative comments about others people bodies - even when those people aren’t super thin, muscular and white. 

5

I saw a pic with Mishima in his full gym clothes and he was so cute this monster happened

anyway I feel like someone as tiny as Mishima playing sports would be so cute to watch? I like to think he’s pretty decent at it since he was in a sports club (I assume to stand out, but well things didn’t work out.… .)

i also like to think of Ryuji as the Tired Best Friend who knows Akira has a crush on Mishima but has to watch Mishima unknowingly side-step all the damn time (gdi ryuji, blocking me at the school fest too)

Last pic is kinda a sad thought :’)

[TRANS] BTS Festa 2014 - Post-its to BTS

V

“Hey V!
When hyung look at you, uh, my heart hurts so so much.
I said you just need to trust and follow hyung right?
Why don’t you know that ㅋㅋㅋ Be obedient ㅋㅋㅋㅋ
Wanna gang up and fight off Suga-hyung? Deal?” - Jimin 

“Hey V…
What’s your next hair color?
I’m curious too.” - Suga 

“V, speak to the point and precisely.” - J-hope 

“V.
You’re the kind of kid that makes people love and hate at the same time.
You’re similar to me in many things but sometimes I can’t understand you… Be more obedient.
P.S. Am I weird too?” - Rap Monster 

“Be a human.” - Choreographer Son Sungdeuk 

“Taehyung.
I don’t mind you resting in my room when I’m not at the dorm but clean up after you go~ Let’s live cleanly at the dorm! You’re No.1 on my blacklist ㅋㅋ” - Manager 

J-HOPE 

“Hobi-hyungnim.
Hyung ㅋㅋㅋ I demand a duel with you and Suga-hyung ㅋㅋ Right now you guys think I’m cute but the day this table is turned will come soon. Wait a little bit more.” - Jimin 

“Hey Hope…
These days your variety sense is getting better.
It’s good.
But thanks to that it’s twice noisier too…” - Suga 

“Hobi-hyung.
You’re always hopeful and cheerful but I think you must go through hard times too. If you do, you can look for me and talk. I can listen to your stories. […]” - Jungkook 

“Hey J-hope.
I heard you saved my contact as ‘Kim Seokjin-hyung’.
It’s okay.
I saved yours as ‘Bighit Jung Hoseok’.” - Jin 

“You pervert… ㅡ ㅡ
For example when I’m playing games, don’t turn off the outlet.” -

“Hope.
Sometimes you’re earnest, sometimes you’re the laziest. Show the world more of your abilities.” - Rap Monster 

“Chief Jung who always work hard and look after BTS. Wait, now that you’re promoted, you became team leader Jung right? ㅎ I believe there’s no doubt you’ll get good reward and result with how hard you’ve worked. Let’s get promoted to President Jung!” - Bang Shihyuk PD 

“Team leader Jung who’s always very helpful! Thanks~” - Choreographer Son Sungdeuk 

RAP MONSTER 

“Hey Rapmon, shower cleanly.” - J-hope 

“If you borrow something you have to return it back.” -

“Hey Rapmon…
These days you’re not snoring…
Thanks to that I’m sleeping peacefully.
Thank you…” - Suga 

“Hey Rapmon.
I don’t know if I adapted myself to your snoring or if your snoring got quieter, but I got used to it.
It’s fine, it’s all good.” - Jin 

“Rapmonie-hyung.
You must be tired from going through a lot for the 6 of us right. I’m sorry I can’t do anything for you. I’ll work harder so you’ll have less hard times.” - Jungkook 

“Moni-hyung.
You’ll stand by our side right? You will right? I like you a lot but nah, I think you’ll betray us ㅋㅋㅋ I’ll leave you out. It’s a coup d'état!! Kakakaka.” - Jimin 

“Go to the bathroom before we start practicing.” - Choreographer Son Sungdeuk 

SUGA 

“Suga-hyungnim, thank you for thinking I’m cute ㅎㅎ I’ll fight you off some day. I’m gathering the team for it. Just wait. From the coolest guy in BTS.” - Jimin 

“Syub-hyung.
Please be more obedient.
I know your childish inner self better than anyone else ^*^!” - Rap Monster 

“Hey Suga.
I like your lazinism. Really.
I feel at ease when I see you lying down.
Really.” - Jin 

“You only need to show a little bit of your lethargy.” -

“Suga-hyung.
You must be tired from working and composing until late at night. You don’t seem to gain any weight so please eat a lot. When […] I’ll buy it for you.” - Jungkook 

“SUGA fighting!!” - J-hope 

“To. Suga Rebel.
Old soul. Genius artist?
Thanks to you BTS can be BTS. I hope you can keep being that way and become a great artist!!
When will you write a title song? ㅋ” - Bang Shihyuk PD 

“Take care of your health when you’re still young.” - Choreographer Son Sungdeuk 

JIN 

“Jjin-hyung~
You’re doing great.
Please show us the ✨eldest hyung✨ side of youㅡ
P.S. Thanks for your cooking! ^*^” - Rap Monster 

“Jin-hyung, please shave.” - J-hope 

“It’s too much if you know you’re handsome yourself.” -

“Jin-hyung…
Must be tired doing all the assignments for college right…?
You just need to avoid getting academic probation…
I’ll always support you.” - Suga 

“Jin-hyungnim.
Hyungnim T_T~ I’m going to fight off Syubsyubie-hyung and Hope-hyung but I need your help! If you’re there those people will ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ㅋㅋㅋ So you have to help me!!!
The most handsome cook in BTS, Jin-hyung.” - Jimin 

“Jin-hyung. Thank you for making us many delicious dishes.” - Jungkook  

“To. Jin BTS’ shoulder-slash-eldest-hyung!
You always stay behind quietly but I know you are their mediator and their shoulder to lean on.
Maybe the day when you’re called Korea’s best actor will come soon too?^^” - Bang Shihyuk PD 

“Seokjin.
Thanks to your ability to cook tasty dishes from limited ingredients, I always get to eat deliciously~ Take care of me in the future too~” - Manager 

“Hoot…” - Choreographer Son Sungdeuk 

JIMIN 

“Hey Jimin…
Why do we stop growing so soon…” - Suga 

“Jiminie-hyung.
You’re having a hard time these days because of me right.
I’ll be more obedient.
Thank you.
Let’s work out together 3 years later ㅋ” - Jungkook 

“Jimin.
You know I love you right?
It’s no joke~” - J-hope 

“Don’t touch your thighs you pervert.” -

“To. Jimin
Hardworker, in charge of charm, Jiminie!! ♡
From someone who joined BTS the latest, you have now become an irreplaceable part of the team! Keeping working hard in the future too!! […] the saying that heaven will help hardworkers.” - Bang Shihyuk PD 

“Go to the bathroom early. Don’t go when we start.” - Choreographer Son Sungdeuk 

JUNGKOOK 

“Jungkook…
Stop working out…
Let’s not work out with me…” - Suga 

“Hey Jungkook.
You listen to me well so you’re good.
This brat.
Good. But refrain from working out…” - Jin 

“Jungkooks~
Jungkook, I’m not pressuring you! I’m planning to kick out Suga-hyung and Hobi-hyung but I won’t pressure you to stand by my side. But I’m treating you really well!!! Right? Our kind and pretty Kookie…” - Jimin 

“Jungkook, you’re so good even at practicing. I think I need to learn more because of you too. But be more obedient~” -

“To. Jungkook
Golden maknae!! Is there any word that can describe better than this? ㅎ
I believe that if you are not settled with your natural talents, not hate doing repeated things and work with passion, there’s no doubt one day you’ll become the best singer in Korea!
Hope you will never forget your passion and effort!!” - Bang Shihyuk PD 

“My manager. Once a manager, forever a manager.” - Choreographer Son Sungdeuk 

“Jungkook~
Wake up when I wake you in the morning! Sometimes I’m scared when no matter what I do, you still remain motionless like a stone stature. And sleep on your bed~! Don’t sleep in weird position on the floor too~!” - Manager

170710 CH+ CHATROOM W/ TAE

> Hello🐯
> I missed you guys so I came🐯
> I got chubby on my face, so I’m going to work harder🐯😂
> But I can’t control my hunger, so I bought a large burger🐯😍
> I’ve been eating the BLT Long Chicken burger lately🐯😭
> I’m going to save my burger until I watch Fight For My Way🐯🤘🏼
> Let’s all pray… that athlete Dongman gets his hearing back…🐯😭😭😭😭😭
> Our break is too long I want to see our ARMY soon🐯😫
> And tomorrow Bon Voyage comes out🐯☺️☺️
> I’ve been taking a lot of photos lately, but I’m afraid my camera will get wet from the rain🐯😅😅😅
> I will work hard to take and upload pretty pictures🐯👍🏻
> Bye🐯👊🏻
> muah💋

trans: jhope-shi | do not repost without giving credit!

I’m still working on getting their personalities down, so my challenge for this sketch page was to draw them how I pictured them, not trying too hard to make it pretty but trying to keep it relatively on model. :) This is my first ever time drawing Gladio and Iggy, too! 

on twitter

NCT irl at Kcon2017

Oooohhhh fuck can I just start off with they’re all really fucking attractive and pictures don’t do them justice? Like seriously pictures cannot contain how perfect they are.

Taeil: He’s super cute like really cute. His body is even cute. He’s like right in the middle not super tall but not short. When u look at his face u just wanna smile. Really smooth skin like u wanna rub it, it’s like after u shave ur legs. Has big puppy dog eyes like u finna get lost in them shits sis. His hair is very nice and looks healthy, his hair kinda looks weird sometimes in photos but it really suits him irl!!! Some girl got chosen for Doyoung and Taeil to sing a song to her and Taeil sang a Bruno mars song I’m sorry I really can’t remember what it’s called but you guys know that one Bruno mars love song. His English was PRECIOUS he has a very sweet sing song voice. Everyone melted when he sang the Bruno Mars song like GODDDD boy really can sing well!! He’s a super cute puppy flower boy, he gives off pretty boy vibes 🌸. He was smiling a smol cute little smile the whole time he was very precious and I just wanted to love him.

Taeyong: MY FUCKING BIAS. WOOOW HES SOOO ATTRACTIVE WAS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE??? I WAS IN THE RED CARPET TAKING PICS THEN HE CAME OUT AND I JUST I PUT MY PHONE DOWN AND STARED AT HIM I HAD TO EXPERIENCE HIS BEAUTY RIGHT THERE MY MOUTH GOT FUCKING DRY AT HIS BEAUTY. Super nice skin super cute lil sweet heart trying to please everyone fan interaction every time u turn around. When he dances he GETS INTO IT his hair flops all around it’s really adorable! He hits all his moves super sharp and it’s very pleasing to see. He had a solo before all the other boys came out and he KILT THAT SHIT everyone was in shock because it was so good. He was very nervous and I was like abt to cry bc that’s my baby and no. He was talking in English and messed up and he DID THE CUTEST SHIT EVER he just looked at the ground and started smiling and all the boys just patted his back everyone said “awww” tho so I hope that made him feel better. Really a perfectionist, tried his hardest to speak really good English, ohh boy his English voice is cuteeeeee. He kept taking his jacket off because he was gettin hot. Has nice arms, the boys weren’t lying ab those veins girl u can see them from miles away, he has nice hands too. He’s kinda like Taeil he’s not very tall he’s more on the shorter side but very nice thin pretty dancer body. He was so pretty?They had a little fan interaction wheel of fortune thingy and he kept doing all the little popular American dances he was gettin it in. On stage he’s got a very sexy idgaf vibe, but in reality he’s cute and quiet. A fan had the same hair color as him and when he walked by her he pointed to his hair and then hers and gave a thumbs up. In all he really works hard and you can tell he really cares for everyone especially his members, he’s very nervous but once he gets past that he’s super cute and wants to make sure fans have a good time. ALSO HES FUCKING GORGEOUS I CANT EXPLAIN.

Johnny: BIG HES BIG TALL LEAN BUT MUSCULAR BUILD HE’S THE EPITOME OF A MAN. Very tall, I was at his elbow. He was right next to me and I almost fainted he was so hot. He has these little patches that look like irritated or inflamed skin on his left cheek near his neck and under his jaw his makeup artists covered it really well tho so I really couldn’t tell. He has flawless pore less skin it looked really soft and dewy. His hair was actual sex, the pictures don’t do him justice he fucking ROCKS this hair and it makes him give off sexy vibes. When I told him I loved him he gave me the sweetest smile ever and ugh I melted. Very polite baby!! Asked how everyone in my isle was doing and waved to everyone! I can’t get over how nice his body was I just wanted him to wrap me up in his arms so badly they looked so strong, his body is actually pretty wide but he’s lean and muscular, like he could engulf you. Bless those stylists tho bc his clothes fit him really well and he looked very cute. He’s a precious pure baby in a big sexy man body, he was smiling the whole concert everyone was PIPING HIS HEAD YO. He was talking and it got quiet and he was asking the members to show something and asking the girl who got picked for the song to pick a singing member and a girl in my isle screamed “I pick you Johnny” and he couldn’t contain his smile and laughter like he was cracking tf up. Every time it got quiet I would scream Johnny along with 2-3 other people in my isle and he would smile SO BIG. He was really happy, lots of Johnny stans there. His legs are big and long, when he dances you can see how big they are, he was smirking the whole cherry bomb choreo bc everyone kept screaming his name. In all he was extremely extremely handsome I wasn’t ready I had no idea how handsome he was! He’s so underrated please love him he deserves it. He’s a cute shy baby with a sexy face and body like he would treat u so well I can just tell. I really wanna meet him again!

Win win: PRINCE OF FUCKING CHINA. Huge eyes like they’re half his face. Symmetrical face with very nice features. Sort of round face. Good hair, pretty doll lips. He’s sort of on the shorter side and he’s thin but not as thin as Taeyong. He was gettin hyped, there were a lot of win win stans with little signs and stuff. He didn’t speak any English but listened very intently when Mark and Johnny and the others spoke English, you can tell he really wants to learn. I feel like he’s a fast learner. Very articulate and energetic dancer, looks like he’s having the time of his life on stage. Laughs at anything the members say, he really loves them. I was wearing an nct banner on my shoulders and he pointed at it and gave a heart and I thought I died for a sec. He tries to make sure every fan can see him like when they were waving goodbye he took the longest and kept stopping to wave 😂. He’s a cute baby and sometimes it seems like he isn’t thinking about anything? He loves being on stage and dances amazing I was so impressed by him, the other members all dance very well too. He seems very innocent and sweet, he works very hard and does a very energetic stage. Really tho he’s so handsome like prince of China frfr.

Jaehyun: TALL BABY! HANDSOME BABY! PRETTY BABY! MUSCULAR BABY! He really is tall, almost as tall as Johnny. Definitely most muscular in NCT he has BIG arms, you can see through his clothes how defined he is. His voice is deep, like deeper than on the actual tracks. AMAZING LIVE Singer. He sang live the whole time and everyone was amazed. He’s actually very good at dancing!!! A real man!! The type of guy u wanna wife up. Shy but confident, very smiley and cute with his members. His hair is really nice I wanted to run my hands through it so bad. When he was in the isle with me he kept looking around and licking his lips 😫😫. He’s really built so well and his voice sounds like honey. Actual prince. You think he looks good in pictures? Well if you see him in real life your gonna be blown back by his handsomeness.
Actor like chiseled features, looks like his jawline will cut you. Big eyes, small face. He was very pale, but not extremely pale he was just very symmetrical and perfect looking, he looked like if you could create the perfect man. Overall he seemed like a cute reserved sweet heart, once again shockingly handsome and sexy but also very cute!

Doyoung: BEAGLE! THIS BOY IS TALL AND CUTE! THIS BOY IS BOYFRIEND MATERIAL! He has very circular big eyes, he’s pretty thin. Legs r long as fuck they look like they’re his whole body. Sweet high voice when he sings, he sings very well live. When he was singing to the girl i was shocked how nice his voice really was. Cute hair, it’s also kinda thin. He gives off cutesy boyfriend vibes. Aesthetic boyfriend. Model boyfriend. Very well spoken and articulate. Very chic! Once again he seems like a model or something. All his clothes looked like he was modeling them. Cute stage presence equally cute up close. He wasn’t shy at all he just walked down the isle I was like damn ok. He has this sort of happy but chic aura. This boy knows what he’s doing he’s very good. Overall I just wanna walk through ny with him and take aesthetic pictures, such a boyfriend oml.

Yuta: HANSOME! SMART! LIKE REALLY DAMN HANDSOME! He’s a bias wrecker, he damn near stole my heart. Sexy boy fr tho idk if he knows how sexy he is tho. Good dancer too. DEEP DEEP VOICE FUCKKKK. His Korean is really good too. He’s in the middle for height also. When he dances he thrusts his hips a lot. You know that part in the beginning of cherry bomb the “I’m the biggest hit” part? Boy was thrusting his hips super hard. Nice body, also kinda thin but somewhat muscular. Really attractive and handsome, it’s like he commands your attention and leaves you wanting more. More of a smirk than a smile on stage. Cocky and sexy on and off stage, off stage he’s a tiny bit more cute tho. Sexy without trying sort of dancing. Sweater paws the whole night! He wasn’t sweating super bad despite his million layers of clothes. Seems like the school bad boy. Major bad boy vibes. Watch out tho bc then he’ll do some cute shit and steal ur heart. Overall very sexy with a good stage presence, I feel like he’s very cocky but in a good way like it’s hot, MAJOR BIAS WRECKER.


Mark: SUPER CUTE SUNSHINE BABY TRYING HIS BEST HE WANTS TO PLEASE YOU HES A GIFT FROM GOD! When I tell you the cutest most sweetest lil baby ever I mean it. Little baby facial features with big round eyes. His voice is surprisingly deep in real life? Tries to give bad boy sexy vibes on stage but just ends up being a cutie. PROTECT HIM. He can dance very well I would say one of the best dancers. FULL OF ENERGY THE WHOLE NIGHT. His hair was all floppy and bouncing around it was so precious. He was getting down to the wheel of fortune song like he was actually dancing really well to the random tune. He’s just so super cute and smiley UGJ. He will brighten your day. He was nervous and kept stuttering in English and smiling at the floor it was cute. His English voice is so nice to hear it’s like the perfect tone it just sort of flows into you ears. Bouncing around the stage the whole night. TRYING HIS ABSOLUTE HARDEST AND BEST. Really hard worker. Sweating a bit but it was cute. Everything he does is cute. Overall I jut wanna protect him and watch him grow and get more popular, he’s really so lovable.

Haechan: AWWWWWWW CUTE LIL BABY BOY! SOOO EXCITED AB EVERYTHING! When he dances he also bounces around. SMOL! Heart piercing smile! SMIRKING THROUGH EVERY PERFORMANCE. It’s funny because he thinks he’s older than he is and it’s really cute. CUTE PRECIOUS BABY FAT I HOPE IT NEVR GOES AWAY. Sweet baby face and very interesting and melodic voice. I’m smiling while I write this y'all he was so cute in his little shorts. He was so fucking happy and excited just really super precious. He can dance really well too he killed his solo thingy. Really sweet baby you would never know how much of a trouble maker he was. He’s really the cutest lil thing and so excited he couldn’t contain it! God I just wanna protect him.

Jake Peralta: Stepdad!AU

So this was going to be an actual fic, but, alas, any sort of narrative wouldn’t come, so instead allow me to offer a series of (not at all canon-timeline compliant) headcanons about Amy Santiago’s tiny daughter taking Jake in as part of the family:

  • When Amy starts at the Nine-Nine, she is Very Adamant that Jake will never meet Maya, largely because a) He’s the worst, and b) Maya doesn’t need to see her mother curse out a fellow employee, but mostly c) He’s The Worst.
  • Except she only lasts twelve days, at which point Captain McGinley calls her in on her day off because he’s finally realized that his new detective has started and he wants to meet her, even though they have met four (4) times and he’s assigned two cases to her and Jake
    • It’s supposed to be a short meeting and she promises a very teary-eyed Maya that she’ll be real quick, but she needs to go in without Maya because McGinley looks like he might yell for some reason, Amy can just tell, and Sarge isn’t here and Amy barely knows anyone else and Jake offers, basically
    • Maya is just v. v. teary when Amy blows her a quick kiss before entering McGinley’s office
    • The meeting lasts exactly forty-seven minutes
    • Amy expects A Disaster when she gets out, or at the very least a very stressed-out Jake trying to pass her daughter off on someone else
    • But instead Maya is sitting in Jake’s lap with two of his superhero figurines gripped between her sweaty little hands, patiently telling a story while Jake writes on a piece of paper next to her
    • “And then there’s a dragon,” Maya says breathlessly, and Jake nods along patiently
    • “Fire-breathing or bearded?” he offers, and Maya really considers it for a moment before deciding on bearded. “Got it, I’ve jotted that down.”
    • “I thought no one was allowed to touch your dolls?” Amy asks when she gets to them, and she’s a little stressed out about this whole situation because Jake is suddenly, like, a kind person? Who’s been watching her daughter for forty-seven minutes and counting?
    • “Uh, obviously this is Red Metal Man and Mr. Star, okay.”
    • It’s not. It’s Iron Man and Captain America, and Amy can tell because she’s not totally out of the loop of the cultural zeitgeit, okay, and she sometimes pays attention to movie posters and has very definitely seen at least two of the superhero movies
    • “Plus I believe I said no Santiagos, and that was back before I knew there was a cool Santiago in the clan.”
    • Maya, meanwhile, has grabbed a pen off of Jake’s desk and is now leaning precariously over said desk and drawing on some of the large blank spaces Jake had left on the paper
    • And Amy realizes that Jake was writing down Maya’s story but made sure there was room so she could draw
    • Jake grins at her sheepishly, braces Maya with one hand on her back to make sure she doesn’t slip, and says, “It’s her vision, and she’s, like, a really good storyteller.”
    • Amy swoons, but in a low-key, subtle way. Probably.
    • Anyway, but Jake is also The Worst, so it doesn’t matter

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The signs as people I know

Aries: super rad and terrible at the same time

Taurus: kinda mean? But in a good way? Like to be friendly

Gemini: dabs unironically. Tries so very hard at everything

Cancer: really nice and smart but also will make a huge deal over everything. Cries alot

Leo: pretty flipping cool. Selfish tho

Virgo: nice but gets too worked up over small things

Libra: nice most of the time. Likes to be center of attention. Gets back together with their ex too much

Scorpio: aries 2.0 this time with more sass

Sagittarius: chill as fuck but also needs to stand up for themselves more

Capricorn: dick 75% of the time. Thinks no one likes them the other 25% (I still like them tho)

Aquraius: needs to stop flaking

Pisces: needs to chill and learn they don’t need a significant other to be happy

Tokyo Dome without Onew (Fan account)

I decided to write this fan account since I know a lot of my friends on tumblr are just as worried as I am about shinee, shinee5, shinee4 and onew and what his scandal might mean for the future of shinee. This is how I experienced the weekend, so nothing is facts, but what I saw and interpreted and I know everyone I talked to who were there pretty much felt the same way, so I’m confident enough about it to write about it.

So firstly. How did the fans react?

I lined up for 3 ½ hours on Saturday and I saw LOTS of onew merch in the hands of shawols. A lot of his merch sold out too. He and taemin are still very very popular among jshawols. I did not feel any lack of support outside of the dome, I was very excited to see that many had onew stuff or strips in their bags with all members names. Nothing indicated that jshawols are done with onew, generally speaking, of course.

So the concert; shawols DID cheer noticeably louder for Onews vcr segments than the rest. I myself yelled onew a lot, because I yelled all the members names and I personally had no reason to not - but generally in the first day I felt like jshawols tried to support Onew extra in their own way - jshawols are quiet and don’t scream much in public (I’m sure I appeared as a foreign douche)

On Sunday however I don’t think onew was particularly cheered more for or not. His merch also weren’t sold out the same way as first day. What does this mean? That Saturday was a sad concert. But we needed it. We needed to be sad. And shinee needed to be sad. But in Sunday everything was happier. Because we got it out of our system; shinee too. So Saturday was definitely the “Onew day” where Sunday was “Tokyo Dome fun” day.

As I already mentioned in earlier posts, on Saturday jonghyun and key were visibility affected. Jonghyun seemed absent minded
For a large part of the concert, and like he didn’t fully enjoy it. He was also the member to mention that “today they where there without onew”. This was the only time, expect for Taemin in the end of Saturday , mentioning anything about Onews absence. They did NOT mention anything about it Sunday; but again, Sunday was the “good” day and there was no need to rub salt into the wound.

Some of you may have seen that key actually posted a instagram photo commenting on the fact that he cried; saying he sometimes gets tears into his eyes watching shawols. I think he felt needed to address it because he so obviously cried hurt tears. He bite his lip, looked up into the corners or down into ground, all the physical signs when someone is sad but trying to keep it in.

Jonghyun, taemin and Minho weren’t crying during winter wonderland, but my friend said she’d categorize it as crying even though no tears fell, because they all had wet eyes and looked sad. Not moved, but sad. But especially Jonghyun and key; difference is that key tried to cover it up, Jonghyun absolutely didn’t. He was sad and he had no problem showing; this probably rubbed off on fans. Generally the fan chants were sloppy or non existent and the cheering was pretty low too, even for jshawols - this I was told by my friend beside me who went to several JAT arena concerts.

They fanchants were a lot better Sunday.
I still want to give credit to 2min for trying so, so, SO hard on Saturday. We all know Minho is always hyper but taemin was Minho level this time around. A lot more than usual, not that he’s not hyper or happy normally but he was clearly working on making up for what the concert was lacking.

But what lacked Saturday was made up for on Sunday; as I said I felt like we got it out of our system. Myself included. I was sad, anxious and even cried out of sadness during the end on Saturday but was super happy and having a lot of fun on Sunday. I did have fun during Saturday too but there was many bits where I’d feel sad when they did a particular part with no onew. But we all knew what to expect Sunday so everything went smoother. It is however true that Saturday was sold out and Sunday was not - me and my friends could easily point out sections on the 2 floor with empty seats and the seats around me were also empty. But there was still lots of thousands of fans. We’re not talking huge empty sections. But visible empty seats in the crowd, yes. But it was okay and when the shawol ocean was still beautiful and it wasn’t noticeable when the light went out.

As for shinee and this concert in generally..

Honestly I feel like these Tokyo dome concerts sended a statement from shinee to shinee world. They had plenty of time to rearrange things but they didn’t. At some performances they would have light on a empty spot. Onews spot. Everything would go black besides that spot. They did not cover him, they did not rearrange their places in choreographies and only had a dancer if physically required (Get the treasure, everybody etc). The VCRs played heavily on “shinee and their memories”. They showed about shinee members talking about another member and showing pictures of that member from debut. Having those debut-onew pictures flashing hurt. Especially on the first day when we didn’t know.

And the fact that Jonghyun and key was visible affected and that SM / SHINee did not bother to fix the holes, and there were holes that could easily have been fixed; to me it’s a message.

This is what you get without onew.

Taemin, Jonghyun, Key and Minho are fantastic entertainers and professionals and I do not believe for one second they couldn’t have handled rearrangements etc. This was a choice. To show that, if you pull out a member from shinee, This is what you get; a huge, visible HOLE in the team.

This is not a fact, This is what I got from it and you can do with it what you want, but there was a lot of decisions that didn’t make sense about this concert, especially the fact that they pulled out solo performances when onews absence would only make solos so much more a good idea to include so they wouldn’t have a whole setlist with songs where he was missing. Stuff that just weren’t fixed and I believe it wasn’t fixed because they wanted to let us know

Shinee is five

So if they’re only four, there’s gonna be a hole in every performance

A hole they aren’t interested in trying fix.

So I believe this was a message, and I sincerely believe and support in what taemin said at the end of Saturday; that next time they’ll be in Tokyo dome he hopes to return as five. That has nothing to do with taking sides or not taking matters seriously. That’s something I sincerely can justify for him wishing for, because there’s a unfixable hole in their team without him.

These concerts didn’t lack talent or professionalism; it lacked that magically shinee spark. And that’s what you get from shinee when you break their team. I really believe that’s what these concerts showed us. And yes Sunday went better and yes, they were happier. But that doesn’t erase all the sadness showcased on the first day.

Here’s to hope that shinee will never have to perform again as only 4 with the fear of never returning as 5 again, because it’s really draining them, and it drains their overall performances.

I was doing you a favor by playing the long game...

I too was playing yet another long game by holding on to this for so long.

SO I had read earlier today the owner of a previous job of mine passed away. This was a place that tried to screw me pretty hard and I took some pro revenge on. It drug up some angry old feelings, so why not take an equal dose of catharsis?

WARNING: This is a doozy so strap in if you dare, no TL;DR it wouldn’t do justice.

So this takes place almost a decade ago. I was working as a department manager for a fairly large privately owned pest control company. Their color scheme was black and yellow, much like the taxi’s the owner’s dad used to drive. Since the taxi industry would be around for ever(hello Uber/Lyft) so would this pest control company, (this is important later) or so the owner used to parrot constantly. My job was to over see the techs doing treatments and set their stops and generally manage assorted insect control services, inventory, payroll for that dept, etc etc. I had taken the job from the owners son who took it from the previous manager who they demoted and yet stayed in the dept…this is important later. The owners son was a late 30’s early 40’s man child. I mean if he had dialed it back a few degrees he would have been an awesome guy, but anytime booze was involved he was a mess. If it was weed, he turned into the stereo typical obnoxious stoner making nothing but bad Jamaican accented jokes. He also hit on anything younger than him that moved…while being married w a pregnant wife. But I digress, the owner was a piece of work too, old Jewish guy who was as racist as he was old, not with any kind of seething hatred. Just a “this is the way it is” type attitude. My fave line of his, “The sky is blue, Ch#@ks know math, N@&ers are lazy, Jews know gold. What else is new” Like it was the most clever thing of all time. Finally now on to the revenge and need for such.

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What Your Sign Seems To Be

Aries: you can count on them, don’t take things too seriously, get mad at small things, much fun to hang out with, somewhat egoistic, as soon as they find someone more interesting than you they will hang out with them (though, they will not forget about you)

Taurus: I always become extremly good friends with them, so relaxing to hang out with them, weird humour, very determined and stubborn, talk a loooot, in a relationship they need a lot of physical interaction, they make me feel like home, laughs about every little thing, cute laugh

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