i wonder what it feels like to have regrets

every day thoughts.

i wonder what it’s like to
- eat three meals a day.
- eat when you’re actually hungry instead of avoiding hunger.
- not count calories.
- not feel any guilt, shame and regret after eating.
- have a normal relationship with food.
- not have fear foods.
- eat and be okay.

Damned If I Do Ya

Originally posted by j-miki

MATURE

“Dude, come on! It’s after ten. The rent-a-cops have disappeared until midnight. I want to take a selfie with that giant fucking pigeon before we head to the party.”

Junhong rolls his eyes at your request as he pulls his apartment door and shoves his keys in his backpack. “Why the hell is there a giant pigeon statue on campus, anyway? I get that they needed the new art building, it’s really nice in there, by the way, but that statue’s unnecessary.”

“It’s terrifying,” you laugh as you drop your board to the asphalt and wait for Junhong to do the same. “But it’s quirk and weird and it’ll get some likes on Instagram. So, you know, doing it for the internet.”

Keep reading

I won’t hope and wish
that you don’t fall in love
with someone else
because I know you will.
Instead, I hope and wish that
you won’t ever have to know
how it feels like
to miss someone at 3am,
to listen to songs with lyrics
that slap your face as hard
as the pain you feel,
to write poems at 10 in the morning
because you pray
that the one you’re writing about
will learn about this, someday.
I hope and wish that
you won’t ever
have to wonder
what could have been
and what could not be.
Lastly, I hope and wish that
you go out
and explore the world
that is offered before you,
to watch the sunset
with someone
who will stay by sunrise,
and to live a life
with no boundaries, no regrets.
This, I hope and wish
for you, and only for you
—  unsent letters
Just to be clear, it’s a date.

First I’d like to say thank you to @carryonsimoncarryon for being the most fantastic friend I’ve had in ages, and for being such an helpful and kind beta <#

Words: 1.3k
Find me / it on ao3

(Simon’s POV)

His black hair is hanging loose today, swaying gently against his face as he leans forward to take another bite of his sandwich. Those grey piercing eyes are as mesmerizing as ever, and his skin has a tan glow that seems to be shining especially beautifully.

I sneak glances at him every now and then, sometimes meeting his eyes, and my heart skips a beat.

He catches me staring again. Crowley, he’s beautiful; handsome, masculine and yet elegant, all at the same time. As our eyes meet, I smile back at him. His smile is the most heartwarming thing I’ve ever seen, and I can feel the heat rising to my checks. My eyes quickly dart back towards my cherry scone, hoping for the blush to fade. One day I’ll get up the courage to ask him if I can sit with him. I’ll talk to him, and maybe if I’m feeling especially brave, I’ll ask him out, or ask for his number. I don’t know yet. I have to work up the courage first. One day, but not today.

~~~~~

He’s still there every day at lunch. Today his black hair is pulled into a bun, and his stylish black turtleneck rests perfectly against his neck.

Today is the day, I told myself this morning, hoping that he might not be there. Hoping that he’d gotten sick of my staring, or that he’d have to work during his break, so that I’d have an excuse to wait another day or two.

It didn’t really surprise me when I saw him sitting there, in his regular spot by the fountain. As I meet his eyes across the park I realize I’ve stopped in my tracks, and I can feel my heart race. Today is the day, I tell myself once more. His smile melts my heart, and it gives me courage to make my feet move forward again.

As I walk, I stare intensely at my cup of coffee and the brown paper bag with a cherry scone in it. It’ll be fine. He won’t tell you to leave; he’ll be nice and talk to you. Okay, one foot in front of the other. Keep it going. I encourage myself to walk to my usual spot at the bench next to him. As I move forward, I can feel a pair of eyes at me, and when I look up, I meet his gaze. I smile as he shuffles to the side, making room next to him on the bench.

“Hi, can I sit?” I ask shyly. He smiles and nods.

“Why else would I move over for? Other than to make room for you I mean?” he chuckles, and I can feel my heart racing as the heat spreads throughout my body. This is my new favorite sound. It must be. I’m sure of it.

I sit down next to him; not so close that I’d seem like a creep, but close enough to easily see the color and pattern in his perfect grey eyes. They remind me of wet pavement, but they’re much, much more appealing to stare into. I support my coffee cup between my thighs and rest the paper bag with my scone in on top of it. Then I extend my arm out towards him.

“Simon,” I say, introducing myself.

“Baz,” he smiles, gently grabbing my hand and shaking it. It almost feels like silk, his skin, it’s smooth but his hand is freezing cold, even now this late in spring.

“I was wondering when you’d finally come talk to me, you know,” he says. “I’ve seen you staring.” He lets go of my hand before grabbing his cup and sipping his tea. Blackcurrant, I think, as the scent flows towards my face.

I feel the heat rising to my cheeks once again, and I look down, staring intensely at my hands.

“Well, here I am,” I whisper, almost regretting not having this conversation with myself in my head before actually approaching him. That’s silly, I know, because I could have never known what he’d say. But still, I feel like I should have a better answer. I nervously pull my hand through my bronze curls and I can see him. Baz. He’s smiling at me. I can see it from the corner of my eye, so I turn to look at him. Why did my words always come short whenever I tried to talk to other people than Penny? Penny is always easy to talk to.

“You- you know, I’ve been thinking, um, about asking y-you this, for… for quite a while now, actually. Um… Would- would you like to go out to dinner? Um, with me?” I stutter, pushing the words out, choking on them twice. I look at him for a split second, and then I ruffle my curls again, purposely putting my hand in the way so that I can’t look at him. I don’t was to know what rejection looks like. I  really don’t. At least not from him.

“Yes, I’d like that. Did you have a specific time in mind?” His voice is cheery, and I look at him from the corner of my eye as I slowly lower my hand.

“Really?” I ask, surprised before I can even stop myself. “I mean, I don’t. I thought I’d have to ask you first.” I’m stumbling over my own words, but I can’t help the smile spreading bigger across my face as I see him smiling too.

“I’d ask you to give me your number,” he says, and I feel my heart drop to the bottom of my stomach. He’s just kindly rejecting me, I think. “But since my phone died this morning at work and I didn’t bring my charger, I’ll have to give you my number instead.”

My heart is racing. I was sure he’d been trying to reject me in the kindest of ways, but his phone is dead. That’s all. I grin, feeling relieved as he pushes his perfectly smooth, tan hand in front of my face, asking for my phone.

I dig through my pockets, wondering where I put that damn phone. Finally, as I feel a vibrating against my chest, I remember putting it on the inside pocket of my jacket. I never put it there, so why I did so now I have no idea. I look at the caller ID: ‘Penny’ it says, with a rather unpretty picture of me and her grimacing, both dressed up for halloween. I blush and hang up on her.

Suddenly, closer than before, I can feel Baz tense beside me.

“Your girlfriend?” he asks, slowly moving a few inches further away from me.

“Nope. That’s just Penny, my best friend,” I say, smiling reassuringly at him. She calls once more. And I hang up again before opening my contacts and offering the phone to Baz.

He grabs it, studying me; uncertain, as if he’s doing something he shouldn’t be doing. I nod and smile once more, and soon he’s saved himself as a contact in my phone. Handing me back my phone, our hands grace each other, and I feel my cheeks burning, and the butterflies going crazy in my stomach. I really do hate that I blush this easily.

As both of us realize that our breaks are over. we both stand up, almost mechanically. In the motion, as if on autopilot, I grab my scone and my coffee. And since we didn’t get a chance to discuss dinner any further, I tell him: “I’ll text you so you’ll have my number, okay? And we’ll find a time and date then?”

He nods, turning away with a smile on his lips. I grin, and since I’m feeling extra brave as we’re about to leave in our different directions, I turn halfway around and add over my shoulder: “And by the way, just to be clear, it’s a date.”

margaret atwood sentence starters.

  • ❛ i used to say i’d know you anywhere, but it’s getting harder. ❜ 
  • ❛ search instead for the others, the ones left over. ❜ 
  • ❛ it was not what he had in mind. ❜
  • ❛ i exist in two places, here and where you are. ❜
  • ❛ love is choosing. ❜
  • ❛ all people are driven to the point of eating their own gods. ❜ 
  • ❛ screw poetry, it’s you i want. ❜
  • ❛ leave me alone, this is my winter. i will stay here if i choose. ❜ 
  • ❛ you are as innocent as a bathtub full of bullets. ❜ 
  • ❛ what use is moonlight?
  • ❛ only we could call it a wound. ❜
  • ❛ only we can regret the perishing of the burned place. ❜
  • ❛ and now it’s in you, secrecy. ❜ 
  • ❛ i wish to show you the darkness you are so afraid of. ❜
  • ❛ when the appearances of things have left you, you will still have this darkness. ❜
  • ❛ memorize it. you will know it again in your own time. ❜
  • ❛ this darkness is a place you can enter and be as safe in as anywhere. ❜
  • ❛ it’s a wonder either of us believed a word the other said. ❜
  • ❛ i feel like the word shatter. ❜
  • ❛ the two of us were - by our own admission - proficient and shameless liars of long standing. ❜
  • ❛ knowing that the work is mine, how can i love you?
  • ❛ a truth should exist, it should not be used like this. ❜
  • ❛ i stand in the presence of the destroyed god. ❜
  • ❛ as for the sun, there are as many suns as there are words for sun. ❜
  • ❛ if i love you, is that a fact or a weapon?
  • ❛ i would like to be that unnoticed and that necessary. ❜
  • ❛ what are you supposed to do with all this loss?
  • ❛ life goes more smoothly without a heart. ❜
  • ❛ knowing too much about other people puts you in their power, they have a claim on you. ❜
  • ❛ where do you draw the line between love and greed?
  • ❛ you are forced to understand their reasons for doing things and then you are weakened. ❜
  • ❛ can’t you be both?
  • ❛ now that i’m dead i know everything. ❜
  • ❛ whoever said that light was life and darkness nothing?
  • ❛ welcome back, my darling. ❜
  • ❛ in exile, survival is the first necessity. ❜
  • ❛ i will not come when you call. ❜
  • ❛ we must resist, we must refuse to disappear. ❜
  • ❛ we touch as though attacking. ❜
  • ❛ we should be kind, we should take warning, we should forgive each other. ❜
  • ❛ if you get hungry enough, they say, you start eating your own heart. ❜
  • ❛ to put a hand on another is to touch death. ❜
  • ❛ you collapse my house of cards merely by breathing. ❜
  • ❛ there’s no love here. maybe it’s the boredom. ❜
  • ❛ i know you’re there, even when i can’t see you. ❜
  • ❛ i began to forget myself in the middle of sentences. ❜
  • ❛ we are hard on each other and call it honestly. ❜
  • ❛ our choices turn them criminal. ❜
  • ❛ the beauty is an illusion, and also a warning. ❜
  • ❛ farewells can be shattering, but returns are surely worse. ❜
  • ❛ solid flesh can never live up to the bright shadow cast by its absence. ❜
  • ❛ whether they are dead or not is a moot point. ❜
  • ❛ that, or a bleary hopeless love. ❜
  • ❛ speaking of which, its the smiling tires me out the most. ❜
  • ❛ not that anyone here but you would understand. ❜
  • ❛ is it suffering or goodness that makes them holy or can anyone tell the difference?

anonymous asked:

things you said when you met my parents, thanks :)

Hello anon! I wasn’t sure about posting this fic but then I wrote it and changed my mind. It’s my first prompt, I hope you like it, and thank you for sending it! :)

Also, thank you so much to the wonderful @xfile-cabinetx for helping me with perfecting it! Thank you so much!!



“Sooo..?” she asked curiously, wondering about the lack of words from her usually talkative partner as they were driving away from her parent’s house. 

“Sooo what, Scully?” Mulder simply replied. 

“Well, you just met my parents, and my sister, and you don’t have anything to say?” she asked,  a bit frustrated about his lack of communication. He was silent a moment before talking.  

“I feel like some sort of magic trick has just been revealed,” he muttered through his teeth as he chewed on his sunflower seeds. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” she said rather tensed, already regretting her tone as she wasn’t interested in arguing. 

“Nothing, Scully. Nothing,” he said in a sluggish manner, focusing on the road.

“Well, I’m sorry I asked you to come. Had I known it would make you feel like this, I-”

“I’m fine,” he stopped her. 

“Yeah, just like you’re fine when you call me at 2:00 AM to go through cases?” she countered, as she stared at him, wanting to shake him in case it would make him snap out of his brooding frame of mind. He didn’t answer but she could see and feel him thinking as he parked in front of her building. She didn’t want to get out, not like this, and he didn’t ask her to.

“I’m not sure where I fit in, if I fit in at all,” he said thoughtfully, gripping the steering wheel hard enough to make his knuckles turn white. 

“My family isn’t like yours,” he continued. “I don’t have a supportive father who, despite being disappointed with my life choices, still finds it important to be loving and encouraging. I don’t have a mother who finds it natural to greet me with a hug and a genuine “how are you?”, and.. I don’t even have a sister.” 

“Is that what’s bothering you? That you don’t have a family like mine?” she asked puzzled, wondering if it had been a mistake to kiss him just a few weeks prior this evening. 

“Yes. No! Scully, I don’t want to ruin anything. You’re too good, you know? And I just feel so stupid. Of course, of course, you’d have a lovely family. You don’t end up like this if your family is a complete mess like mine. Tonight just made me see things more clearly, like the magic trick has been revealed,” he said airless, without meeting her eyes. “It isn’t bothering me that my family isn’t like yours, not anymore. I’m used to it.”

“Mulder, you have to understand that I would never have asked you to come with me tonight if I didn’t want you to be there, to let you in, and to be part of my family,” she reassured him. “But I can’t help but wonder if it was a mistake to kiss you,” she continued as her mind wandered to that night they had kissed. She’d lie if she said she hadn’t been thinking about him for some time in ways that weren’t work related, but she hadn’t planned that night in the car at all. 

It was his birthday. They’d been out for dinner at a restaurant Mulder had picked out. He didn’t drink that night because he had insisted on driving her home. When they got to her building, he had reached in for a quick peck on her cheek to say thank you. As he lingered there, his stubbles lightly brushing her jaw, her face flushed, like every blood cell were trying to escape through her skin. She was paralyzed, his intoxicating, familiar scent overwhelming her. She had whispered his name, let it linger on her lips for a second or two before he had reciprocated a breathless Scully. Then he had turned his head slowly, brushing her cheek with his soft lips, as his hands had put a few loose strands of hair behind her ear. With her eyes closed, she had felt his lips delicately on hers, barely there at first, but then fiercely as his tongue had lightly touched her upper lip. She had let him in, had dragged him closer with her hands on the back of his head, no longer unable to move. She had wanted all of him right then and there and yet she had stopped. Or he had. She couldn’t remember and it had made her doubt herself in the following time up to now. It had made her invite him home to join her for a family dinner. It had put her in this unbearable situation. 

“Do you regret it?” he choked. 

“No,” she replied. 

“But I regret not having this talk before I invited you home to meet my parents.” 

“What would you have said then?” he asked, finally meeting her eyes with his.

“I would have told you that my home is your home. I would have assured you that I’m not saying yes to anything my heart isn’t in. I would have kissed you again,” she answered, her voice shaky as self-doubt overpowered her. 

“What’s stopping you from kissing me now?” he asked.

“Doubt,” she whispered. “That you’ll regret it.” 

“I don’t regret anything, Scully,” he simply said, touching her little finger with his. “I just don’t want to hurt you or your family, like a cancerous disease,” he whispered. 

“You won’t,” she whispered against his lips before kissing him once again.

[TRANS] 130727 Jimin on Fancafe

To all the ARMYs, this is Jimin.

ARMY! The month since we’ve debuted has flown by.

All seven of us would wonder “What would it be like to stand on the stage?” and count down the days until debut with anticipation while practicing hard.

During the month after our showcase and first broadcast, we’ve been running (t/n: working) crazily, but now that it’s time for our last stage, I honestly feel bewildered right now. Hehe

I’ve only been thinking about showing all you fans a cool performance, so I haven’t even thought about the concept of having a last performance, so I feel sad and regretful.

The thing that is the most memorable in my mind during our debut performances is of course the stage!

Not just the stage, but being able to go up on stage and sing and dance in front of all the cheering ARMYs.

When the 7 of us would put our hands together and yell “Bangtan, Bangtan, Bangbangtan!” before going up together onto the stage to listen to the cheers of you all, the fans… will there be another time, another moment, where I would feel as excited and my heart would beat as fast? I am truly happy.

Before we would go up on stage, I would worry: “What if I mess up today. I have to show my best self…” However, when the 7 of us get together and yell “Fighting!” my mind empties and I go on stage happily and without worry.

To dear ARMYs, who let us stand on stage so happily everyday, thank you so much.

I promise that when Bangtan comes back, we will work to become a little cooler and not disappoint any ARMYs.

While we are away practicing and getting ready for our next comeback, you can’t cry~ hehe.

(Actually, I might cry because I want to see you all ㅠㅠ)

We will come back to stand in front of ARMYs super soon, so please wait a little bit longer~

We will continue to work even harder in the future.

I say this all the time, but ARMYs, I truly love you and thank you.

Our Bangtan, I love you all as well!!

-BTS Jimin

anonymous asked:

I'm turning sixteen in a month and suddenly it feels like, I don't know, THE WORLD IS NOW REAL. I panic whenever I think of my (vague and maddening) plan of what to do with my life, and I was wondering if you, as an adult, could share how you got through the transition?

Dude I’m close to 30 and I still feel like that. You’re still young - you CAN have more than one option, y’know. You don’t HAVE to pick just one thing you’re going to pursue in your future. I switched careers at 26, and I don’t regret it. 

Having supportive friends and family helps a lot with the transition into adulthood - but people “transition” at all different times in different ways. There’s no specific answer, really. Just try to learn as much as you can, have fun, experiment and learn from the mistakes you will inevitably make, try to stay positive, know that you’re allowed to feel like shit sometimes, and when you do, remember and believe that you’ll feel happiness and pride again soon. 

Also, I really want to emphasize that whatever you choose to do now does not have to be permanent. You can explore different options as you change and grow as a person :) 

Jim and Pam?

Here’s a question. In the episode “Casino Night”, Jim finally confesses his love for Pam. However, Pam says that she doesn’t feel the same way, or at least she says that his friendship is everything, but other than kissing him, she doesn’t want to end things with Roy, and start things with Jim. My question is, and maybe this is an easy answer, what was it that she was holding back? Was she scared? Did she feel like she had an obligation to Roy? Because it’s very obvious that she felt the same way, and she regretted not saying something later. I was just wondering what it was that held her back from telling Jim the truth, even though she knew he felt the same way, what did she have to lose?

When One Door Closes, Another One Opens- Caspar Lee Imagine

Word Count: 1,750

Request:  100 with Caspar?, “You’re the love of my life, but I’m not yours.” (from Si and Liv’s prompt list)

~~~

Heartache

It’s a crazy thing. Some people think it’s tragically beautiful, but that’s bullshit. It hurts.

Certain things you see or do, remind you of what you what once had. The restaurant of your first date, the stuffed animal won for you at a festival, the smell of cologne that lingers on some of your clothes.

And then when you see them happy with someone else, that’s the worst.

You and Caspar had been broken up for a little over four months. You had been together since you were 17. You two were pretty serious. Even back then. When you graduated high school, Caspar YouTube career was starting to take off. You decided to join in him in his move to London. It was a big step. You both were still young, but crazy and excited for what life had in store for you. Now at 23, six years later it was all over.

You didn’t understand what went wrong. Sure, no relationship was perfect. You fought and had disagreements like everyone else. However nothing significant stood out in your mind, that would lead to the end of your relationship. It seemed as though one day something changed. Caspar started acting more distant and less interested. There was disconnect and miscommunication. You tried to ask what was wrong and to talk about it, but he didn’t want to.

You remember the night your relationship ended so vividly. It was a Tuesday night. You were sat on the sofa watching tv and scrolling through your phone. Caspar had just gotten home from hanging out with the boys all day. He said a simple hello to you and then proceeded to the kitchen, plugging in his phone. A few minutes later, you felt the sofa slump down next to you. Caspar turned to face you. Then came the dreaded phrase no one likes to hear, we need to talk.

He didn’t tiptoe around his feelings this time. He laid everything out on the table. He explained that for the past few months, he felt like you were growing apart. You two were at different points in your lives and you weren’t teenagers anymore. Then he took a deep, long sigh and blurted, “I think we should see other people.”

You couldn’t believe it. The boy you had loved for six years, the boy you thought was the one, broke up with you.

Of course you were in pain, your heart felt like it had been stomped on. You were hurting. And rightfully so.

After about a month, you felt like things were finally starting to improve. But then the unexpected happened, Caspar started seeing someone, a girl named Maddie. You felt your heart sink into your chest once again.

How could he move on so fast?

Did your feelings not matter to him?

Did they start talking while you were still together?

So many questions left unanswered.

~~

You still were feeling kind of shitty, but your best friend Eleanor dragged you out of the house to go grab a drink.

“You need to stop worrying about what he’s doing with her. Look at this as a good thing, you can finally see what else is out there. So many guys would kill to have a girl like you!” she said, handing you a cosmo, while taking a sip of her own.

You took your finger and traced the rim of the glass, “Thanks El. I know it’s silly, but I just want some answers and closure. You know? Don’t I deserve that after being together for six years? I’m tired of feeling guilty and like it’s my fault.”

Eleanor glanced at you with a smirk on her face.

“What?” you asked, wearing a puzzled expression.

“Give me your phone.” she held out her hand to you.

You hesitated, “Why? What are you going to do?”

“Just do it.” she insisted.

“Alright..” you reluctantly handed your phone over to her.

You saw her quickly type something, then slide the phone back over to you. You were still confused, but just placed the device to the side and carried on with your conversation. Suddenly, you felt the counter vibrate and saw your phone light up.

“Eleanor you didn’t!” you gasped, when you saw the name attached to the text on your screen.

Caspar

You could feel the knot in your stomach, as you unlocked your phone to read the text. It read:

Why don’t we meet tomorrow for coffee and talk? Does 10 work for you?

You just sat there speechless, staring at the message.

“Well? What does it say?” she asked with an impatient tone.

You snapped out of your trance, “Oh! Umm..he wants to meet for coffee tomorrow.”

“Perfect! Now you can get the answers you want!” she cheered.

“I..don..”

Before you could get out what you wanted to say, Eleanor interrupted you, “You’re going! I’m not going to sit around anymore and watch you hurt. You deserve some answers! Go!”

She was right. Nothing would get better if you didn’t go. You had to do this for you and your heart.

~The next morning~

You sat nervously inside the local coffee near your flat, waiting for Caspar. You looked down at your phone, checking the time what seemed like every 10 seconds. When you looked back up towards the door, you saw a tall blonde out the window.

It felt so weird seeing Caspar walk through the doorway, after what seemed like forever. He met eyes with you, then made his way over to your table. He took a seat across from you, giving you and awkward way and slight smile.

It was quiet for a moment or two until Caspar finally spoke up, “It’s nice to see, been a while. You look good.”

You smiled at him, “Thanks. So do you.”

Moment of silence again

The smile disappeared from your face. You put your hands in your lap, thinking of how to word what you wanted to say. Suddenly it just all started to pour out,“I asked you..I asked you to come here, not because I want you back or anything. I just wanted know, how or why you moved on so quickly? I mean I know we’re broken up and you can do what you want. It’s your life. But to be honest it kind of felt like a slap in the face. We were together for so long…and just like that, two months later I’m replaced.”

Caspar listened intently. He took a sip of his coffee and then set it back down on the table.

You continued as your eyes started to water, “Did you hurt or feel any sadness whatsoever? Because I sure as hell did. I had to accept the fact that, you’re the love of my life, but I’m not yours. Do you know what that feels like?” you cried.

Caspar moved to the chair next to you, putting a caring hand on your shoulder, “Can I tell you something?”

You nodded, wiping away some tears from your cheeks.

“You and I had an amazing six years together. I don’t regret that. I wouldn’t change that for the world. You taught me so much and we have wonderful memories. You were my first love, my first everything. I made the decision I did, as cliche as it sounds because we changed. We didn’t change in a bad way. We just grew up. I would never intentionally hurt you (Y/N). You know that. I’m sorry for breaking your heart. And of course I was sad, but it wouldn’t have been fair to either of us to keep dating. Especially with the way I was feeling. That would have just hurt more. I want nothing more than for both of us to be happy. Most importantly you, because you deserve that. You’re amazing and someone is bound to see that.” he stretched his arms out, asking for a hug and you accepted.

You’d think being in his arms would bring back old feelings, but it didn’t. As least not as much as you thought. Even though some of it was hard to hear, you realized that Caspar genuinely cared about you and your feelings. You felt like you finally got what you needed.

Closure

You both sat in the cafe a little bit longer, chatting before parting ways. You agreed to stay friends. You had been in each other’s lives since before you could remember. It would silly to throw all that away.

As you were leaving the coffee shop, you shared one last hug. “Remember make sure whoever finds you, knows how special you are and is worthy of you.” he said softly.

“Thanks Caspar. I will. Take care.” you smiled back, waving goodbye.

You turned around to head back to your flat, while also texting Eleanor how it went with Caspar. You were so busy on your phone, not paying attention, and felt yourself harshly bump into someone. Making you trip and fall on top of them. You lifted yourself a little to see the person’s face. It was a handsome man with dark hair and beautiful blue eyes.

You quickly snapped out it, realizing you were still lying on top of him. You got up and brushed yourself off, “I’m terribly sorry! That was totally my fault!” you stuck out your hand to help him up.

He smiled at you and laughed, “That’s quite alright. Most girls wait til the third date, before they surprise me like that.”

You laughed along nervously, “Well I can assure you it won’t happen again. Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Yeah I’m fine! I think I’ll survive.” he reassured.

You stood quietly for a moment, “I hate to be rude, considering I just ran you down and all, but I’m expecting a friend at my flat.”

“Oh yes of course. You shouldn’t be late.”

“Have a good day and I’m sorry again!”

“Don’t worry about it! I’ll be alright. Have fun with your friend.” You started to walk off when you heard him call out to you. “But just in case I’m not, could I maybe have your number? You know, in case I need medical attention and they can contact you.” wearing a big smile on his face. You blushed, shaking your head while letting out a laugh.

You didn’t know why you did it, but you gave mystery man your number. Who knows? Maybe he could be Mr. Right.

Things you don’t know
i. I only kissed you that night because I thought it might help me get over somebody
ii. It did
iii. I fell in love with you the kind of quickly that I used to laugh at
iv. You were the first boy to ever make me feel beautiful for more than the way I looked on a Friday night in my tightest dress and my reddest lipstick
v. I noticed the way you used to look at me like I was something perfect, like I was something you didn’t even deserve
vi. I noticed when you stopped
vii. I always wondered what I did to make that happen
viii. I don’t regret you
ix. I used to think nobody needed anybody else to be happy
x. You made me change my mind
xi. I have tried my best to move on
xii. I haven’t moved on
xiii. I adored you and I wish with my whole heart that I told you that more
xiv. I had never really gotten it right before you 
xv. I’m terrified I’ll never get it right again 
xvi. I told everyone about you, you were a character in ever story I told and I talked about you like you painted the sky blue 
xvii. It broke my heart that you never talked about me that way, that I was only ever “just this girl”
xix. I hated that you never really loved me as much as I loved you 
xx. I want you to be so happy
xxi. I wish so badly it could have been with me
xxii. I’m doing alright without you
xxiii. That last one was a lie
—  22 truths and a lie - blue-delusion
Often I wonder, what do I have and who am I to deserve such a beautiful soul like you. You are beyond everything I ever wanted. You are everything I ever needed. You go beyond completing my life.
And I hate myself so much for hurting you and causing you pain.
And if I were to be asked about the things I regret most, it would be hurting you. ‘Sorry’ is just an understatement of how I feel when I hurt you.
Everytime I do, I just wish I could rip a part of myself and give it to you, hoping that it would help for you to forgive me.
insecure: burden;

members- taekook x you

genre- angst(??), fluff, au

words- 1,141 

summary- jungkook and taehyung dont realize how much them being away is affecting you. polyamorous!au

a/n- here’s the angsty version! i hope you all like it! i feel pretty insecure about it, so feedback would be appreciated! 

Originally posted by taekookie-bts

__

Jungkook has always been the athletic type. He’s on both the college’s baseball and swim team and spends a lot of time working out. It’s just what he does. 

But Taehyung? He’s not huge on sports. That is, until Jungkook came back from his first optional swim practice buzzing about how great it was. He told Taehyung about how much he’d love it, since Tae loves swimming, and next thing you knew, they’re both on the team and practicing almost every day. 

Keep reading

I wonder what it will be like if we meet again. When is it going to be? How is it going to be like? Are my feelings for you returning and break down all the walls I’ve built? I don’t want to have any expectations, but I hope you’ll regret treating me such a cruel way. I hope you’ll stare at me and think about how you must’ve lost your mind to lose someone like me. And most of all, I hope you’ll see me as happy as I’ve never been with you.
—  I hope a lightning strike of bitterness will rush through your body.
No title

I woke up in a new version-I lost my fears,got a new devotion,
Last boy I kissed I felt no emotions- I had lost the guide of myself instructions.
If i feel like crying in this shitty situations,
It’s not because of my shitty infinite imperfections
And if i ever say i miss your collateral existence
I am talking about my whole reminiscence
Roads filled with regret, we dont give what we expect to get
And tonight I’m lying on my bed- wondering if i wake up, which mode should I set
And you, somebody there that is reading that- Just know this is a song supposed to be a rep
Too bad I’ll never have to sing this crap
Too good you will never have to hear this crap
You know, many of u have felt like me, I bet
Feeling like crying while you dont give a heck
Just know that time heals everything but it never turns it back
You want what you give, but dont take what you expect
People reading what I’m writing, may think im good with the words
No, it’s just my confused emotional state that makes all my shit works​
Thanks for breaking my heart, it made me a better person
Thank you for breaking me apart, I filled my ownself with bright emotions

Angelina's Tapes 6

Little Angelina: ………… I-Its gotten worse….mom can’t leave the tent anymore, she’s too weak…..It doesn’t feel like it used too with at that place…..I can hear them, the battle, their promises, *she sinks deeper into her cloak* Their thoughts….it didn’t seem like they wanted to fight, but were forced to, Dad had to choose to either work with the humans or help the monsters, Some king named Asgore was his trusted friend like the human king, but Asgore was in much more danger than the other king. In the war I heard that papa gave Asgore something before the war….I wish I know what it was….These souls tell me stories, I wish you could here them, some are happy, some are sad…..I wonder how that monster king feels having papa gone……ruling a kingdom in fear and regret……

Angelina’s Mother: *had turned over* A-Angelina….

Little Angelina: *turns around* Mom!? A-Are you alright? 

Angelina’s Mother: *laughs shakily and puts her hand on Angelina’s face* I-I’m fine….A-Are you okay…?

Little Angelina:*holds her hand* I’m fine mom! 

Angelina’s Mother: *smiles weakly* H-Hmhm….w-well you should g-get your rest…..w-we have a big day t-tomorrow……

Little Angelina: We? Mom, your too weak, you might-

Angelina’s mother: I-I’ll be fine…n-now get some sleep….

Little Angelina: Okay, *turns back to the recorder* Good night!

*click*

Different, But Equal (Newt Scamander X Reader)

Requested: Yes

@kawaiichick101: I have a request for Newt Scamander. I was wondering if you could possibly make one where you’re an apprentice of newt but you’re mute. You grow jealous of Tina and want to admit your feelings to him before something happens. So you yell out the door as he’s leaving" I just wanted to tell that I love you, you big idiot!“ You starting to regret what you said and lots of fluff please! If you don’t have time or don’t want to do it, I understand.

Word Count: 2 331

A/N: Here it is! I hope you like it! Great prompt idea, hopefully I didn’t mess it up lol.

*****

Crucio.”

You tremble and you feel the familiar feeling wash over your entire body. A blood curdling scream escapes from your mouth for the millionth time that night. Immense pain is forced down upon you again and again, and you can’t do anything to stop it. Instead of fighting it, your body finally surrenders and you collapsed on to the ground, your head feeling like shattering glass as it hit the ground.

Your punisher sneers and takes a fist full of your hair, lifting only your head painfully off of the ground. He lowers his head next to yours so his breath tickles your ear. You shudder, whether it was from disgust or the spazzing pain of your muscles, you didn’t know.

“If you knew how to keep your mouth shut, you wouldn’t even be in this mess,” he whispers harshly. “But then again, where would be the fun in that?”

He releases your hair and points his wand at you again.

“I’m teaching you a lesson. Crucio.”

The excruciating pain returns. A scream erupts from your throat, ripping it raw and harsh. You tasted blood.
This was it, this was your end, your path to insanity.

A beautiful dazzle of white light appears around you and your abuser abruptly stops the curse and attempts to flee, but about a dozen Aurors block his path.

“How dare you use an unforgivable curse on a fifteen year old girl!” one of of the Aurors say loudly. “You will be sentenced to Azkaban.”

Some Disapparate with the man, while others looked around, lighting their wands, desperately trying to find you in the darkness.

You wanted to yell for help, tell them the pain you were in, but when you opened your mouth, nothing came out.

But the time they found you, you were curled upon the ground, hot tears streaming down your face.

“Are you alright?”

You wanted to tell them you weren’t, but you couldn’t talk. You were forcing your body to make a sound, create one word, but it fought back. It was useless, it felt like there was a wall at the back of your throat.

Instead, you coughed and blood drips out of your mouth. Your throat was burning like fire.

“We’ll get you help right away.”

All you could do, was nod.

*****11 years later*****

“Do you think you have what it takes to be the apprentice and assistant of one of the only Magizoologists in the world?” a cheerful lower Ministry classed man asks you as he leads you through the crowd.

You shrug and produce a tiny smile.

“Oh right, I keep forgetting that you can’t talk, sorry.” he apologized sincerely.

You just smile and shake your head, it didn’t really bother you.

The two of you finally arrived at the office of the Head of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. You hear bickering on the other side of the closed door. You take a deep breath.

Becoming the apprentice of a Magizoologist was a dream of yours, you had always loved creatures, and what better way to learn about them than from an expert? Also, this particular Magizoologist was given an assignment to write a book and going to on an expedition to find magical creatures. It sounded exciting, although maybe a little bit out of your comfort zone.

“Good luck!” the man beside you whispers, handing you your personal file and you flash a smile towards him, signalling thanks.

You open the door to see two men talking. One of them had beautiful red-brown hair, with soft curls that lay perfectly across his forehead. He has freckles that were perfectly painted across his face and shining green eyes full of inquiry. He was also well dressed, wearing a beautiful blue coat and a cute little black bow tie. The other older man however, wasn’t as attractive as he was scolding the redheaded one.

“Just choose one already! There have been at least a hundred so far and you’re telling me that not even one of them are right? They’re all the same to me!” the older man screams and you grimace, this man was the Head of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, and he wasn’t the brightest or happiest wizard on the planet.

“Please, can’t I just do it alone? I’m perfectly capable. And besides, I can’t stand to turn down another witch or wizard with huge potential, I don’t want to be the reason for them to stop believing in their dreams, it just makes me feel terrible.” the red-brown haired man sighs sitting down at a desk that was overflowing with paper.

“(Y/N) (L/Y)?!” your boss yells, finally noticing you. “What are you doing here?”

You sigh and take out your wand, you hated doing this. You twirl your wand in the air and you write sentences in mid air, your letters suspended and sparkling.

I’m here for the opportunity to become a Magizoologist’s assistant and apprentice, sir.

“Hmm,” the older man snorts. “Well in that case here he is. This is Newt Scamander.”

You look to the attractive man sitting down at the desk as he raises his head to meet your eyes. He notices the letters of your previous sentence fading in the air and his eyes widen with curiosity.

Hello there Mr. Scamander, would you do me the honour to consider my application?

Newt takes your file from you and reads it for legitimately 5 seconds before snapping his head up to look at the grumpy man beside him.

“She’s the one.”

“If you say so,” he says, rolling his eyes and leaving the office. “Find out more about her before making your final decision.”
With that he strolls out of the room.

“Please,” Newt says gently, gesturing to the seat in front of him. “Sit down.”

You do.

“So, Miss (L/N),” he says, carefully reading over your file. “It appears that you are incapable of speech from a young age due to…oh dear, I’m terribly sorry.”

It’s alright. I hope this doesn’t affect my position though.

He smiles reassuringly.
“Don’t worry, it is completely fine. If anything it’s better for the creatures to be around someone who kind and quiet. Quite frankly, I don’t like talking all that much myself, I just make a fool of myself and continue blabber on uselessly, uh oh I’m doing it again.” he chuckles and you smile.

I was wondering if it was alright if I didn’t communicate this way.
You write, skillfully twirling your wand.

“And why is that?”

I only tend to do this when people can’t understand me, when they don’t have enough feeling or thought within them to comprehend. I believe that it is not impossible for people to communicate without words, when I write, I feel that none of true feelings show and there is a barrier wedged between me and what I write. I’d like to be treated as an equal.

“Of course Miss (L/N), do what makes you comfortable. I totally agree with you and I will accept you for who you truly are.”

You are different from the others, I knew it as soon as I met your eyes. You’re an interesting man, Mr. Scamander and I thank you, thank you for not treating me as though I am different. And please, call me (Y/N).

With that, you gently tuck your wand away and your words slowly start to fade after his eyes skim through the beautiful letters, rereading it over and over again until they finally disappeared.

“Newt.” he simply says with a smile, extending his hand towards you. You grasp it firmly and shake.

“Let’s see here,” Newt continues, making it feel like your little conversation had never happened. “You graduated from Hogwarts with extremely high marks, hmm wow. You can also perform spells and charms without the use of the actual words, impressive. It takes great practice and brains to be able to do that.”

You blush, enjoying the praise, as he continues to skim his eyes over your file.

“I know that I’ve only met you only a few minutes ago (Y/N), but you’re bloody brilliant! You’re the one I choose, no question about it. Now let’s go! There is no time to waste, there are creatures to be found!”

*****

You and Newt had grown awfully fond of each other in the last few months. You had a quiet and sweet friendship, even though you were technically still his student. However, you started to fall head over heels for the man with the beasts and it killed you each time you wanted to tell him your feelings but couldn’t.
There had been countless opportunities when a simple statement could’ve changed everything, but you were disabled to say it and you could only watch helplessly as the man you loved never knew about your feelings.

But this time, it was worst.

You stood on the ship, jealously watching Newt gently stroke Tina’s hair and you stifle back a sob that was threatening to escape. You watched on, feeling completely and utterly powerless. All you could do was watch, watch the man you love fall for someone that wasn’t you. You thought it could work out, you thought you had a chance but there was no way now. You couldn’t compete with a strong, beautiful Auror like her. She could even talk, that had to be another bonus. Tina was the definition of perfect.

When Newt finally boards the boat, he has a huge grin plastered across his face. You look away from him. You felt more speechless than you already were.

“Well, that was some adventure, wasn’t it?” he says, with a look of pure happiness in his eyes.

You don’t flash him with a smile, a move that you had perfected over the years. You don’t even turn to face him.

Feeling confused, Newt turns you so he could see your face.

“(Y/N)?”

You get up and walk away to the edge of the boat and look out towards the sea.
The two of you don’t even look at each other for the rest of the ride.

*****

“(Y/N), please tell me what’s wrong. You’re killing me.” Newt pleads to you from behind as you feed the Occamies.
You were back in England and in the safety and comfort of Newt’s case.

You don’t respond.

“Fine!” he snaps suddenly. “I’m sorry for trying to help out a friend! Have it your way, give me the silent treatment.”

Just a friend, his student, that’s what you were.

He stomps towards his shed and angrily opens up the door. He wasn’t used to you acting this way, it was weird and unnatural; he hated it.

“Ever since I met you, I just wanted to tell you that I love you, you big idiot!” the series of words escape from your lips, shocking both him and yourself. Your voice was coarse, husky and dreadfully unfamiliar. You knew that this was an exciting moment, you could talk! However all you feel is immense regret, what if you had just ruined what you originally had? What if he had already completely fallen for Tina?
You gasp putting your hand to your mouth.

“(Y/N)…” Newt says gently, slowly coming back towards you. “Did I really just hear that, did that really just happen? Do you mean it? Please tell me that it wasn’t all in my head.”

You don’t want to respond, you were red in the face and your voice sounded terribly unappealing.

“Yes,” you finally say, flinching when you hear your voice. You hated it, it sounded horrible.

“Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“Because I couldn’t, how effective would words in the air be? They soundly be able to bear the weight of my feelings. And simple gestures? No, that wouldn’t have done much either, after all, I’m just your apprentice, nothing more.” you look turn away from him.

He doesn’t speak. He stares at you with those beautiful green eyes.

“I’m leaving tomorrow,” you say. “I don’t care if I haven’t finished my studies, and besides, you don’t need my help to finish the book. I’m just glad I was able to tell you, even if you don’t-”

“But I do.” he says, abruptly cutting you off.

“I loved you the minute you told me that you wanted me to treat you as an equal. The second you told me that I was different. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before, I was just scared of how you might’ve reacted.”

“And why is that?” you croak, your heart fluttering faster. He loved you, he really did.

“I didn’t want to seem like I was taking advantage of you, I wanted to grant your wishes and treat you as an equal, because you’re a beautiful person with an even more beautiful heart.” he breathes out, sounding relived. “I’m terribly sorry if it looked like I had feelings for Tina. I love her, as a friend, that’s all.”

“So friends romantically stroke each other’s hair now? I’ll add it to the list.” you smile and laugh as he turns beet red and starts to splutter. “I’m kidding!”

“Again, I’m sorry I did that, she just reminded me so much of you; strong, intelligent, caring. I felt like I was looking at you only, and my mind wanted it to so desperately be you…”

He shuffles closer to you and wraps you in an embrace. You melt into it, snuggling up against his warms chest.

“You really think I’m all those things?”

“All those and more. Also, you mastered Magizoology a long time ago, you are no longer a student (Y/N), I umm, never exactly told you so you wouldn’t leave me.” he blushes and you laugh. Your laugh brought new and unfamiliar music to his ears. But it was only filled with beauty.

“I love you Newt, and I’m glad I am able to tell you this heart to heart.”

“I love you too darling, and might I add, you have a beautiful voice.”

*****

Thanks SO much for reading!