i wonder if there is a specific sort of therapy for this problem

dysphoria is a disorder. being trans is not.

when it comes to dysphoria, i feel like a lot of people are afraid to really talk about it in any sort of analytical way. i think it’s something that’s incredibly important to talk about, especially with kids, because of all the ways it crops up, but we only really hear about it when we talk about being trans, and if we do, we don’t talk about it for very long and try to ignore it, or shove it under the rug. it’s ‘oh, i have dysphoria’ but never questioning why or trying to understand our very specific and unique, personal brand of dysphoria on a deeper level. it’s hard to face, it absolutely is. i’ve barely gotten there.

body dysphoria can come from a lot of things. for me: parental abuse, bullying, sexual assault, my other disorders, a side effect of my PTSD, a side effect of harsh roles pressured onto me without my consent, such as gender roles. 

i tried everything. medication and talk therapy, to self-harm and drug addiction. nothing helped and nothing took away my pain. i was never happy, i wasn’t able to look myself in the mirror, no matter how much i tried to love myself. i spent years fantasizing about suicide. the only times i felt happy were when i was able to ‘pretend’ to be someone else, live off in a different world. i had no control over my body or my self-expression.

when i escaped the worst of my abuse, i was finally able to really analyze myself and discover things about myself safely. after coming to terms with why i felt this way, understanding myself and how i could benefit and be harmed by my choices, i decided transitioning medically was the last thing i could do to try and help the dysphoria i had to such a massive scale. so i started hormone therapy.

and i was right, my quality of life is significantly higher, i am finally able to love myself, i am now finally able to respond to talk therapy and be productive and think for the future and engage with the world - 

but i think a lot of people assume that dysphoria is exclusively a trans thing. i would be surprised if i ever met someone who had never once experienced dysphoria in some way. and i think it’s important that we recognize that many of us have dysphoria, and having dysphoria doesn’t automatically mean you’re trans or that medically transitioning is the only way to be happy. 

i think what we need to do is understand that everyone has a unique experience with dysphoria. and it’s very easy to fall into the trap of seeing what worked for someone else and replicate it without really thinking about how it will effect us personally, and when it comes to things that can be permanent this is really dangerous. 

being trans is part of my therapy and part of my self-made, personalized prescription against dysphoria. we need to create thoughtful, purposeful, and educational ways to discuss dysphoria openly and give kids the tools to deal with it as best they can so they can be ready to make their own educated decisions about their own bodies and find out what makes them, PERSONALLY, happy and fulfilled and comfortable with themselves inside and out.

i see a lot of people sad that they’re not where i am because i am happy, but they equate being happy with medically transitioning without really thinking for themselves whether it’s really right for them. because for some people it isn’t all they thought it was going to be. it’s not a magic thing that will make all of your problems go away and i know some people think this, i thought that before i sat down with myself. some people tell me how lucky i am, how wonderful my life must be - and yes, there is some weight off my back, but there’s a dangerous slope of thinking that anything will make your problems suddenly vanish. there are bad things and good things. life is not a perfect upwards incline since starting T. it’s rocky, it can be frustrating, i still have bad days.

the only way to make your problems go away is to try and find the source, find the resources, find the ability and wording to explain to yourself why you need something, why you want something, how what you want can help you and how it can hurt you and what YOUR truth is. not anybody else’s. your truth will not be someone else’s truth. nobody else can tell you what your truth is and nobody can know better than you. someone else’s truth is not yours, and trying to apply it to your life without any criticism of yourself and how you really, really feel can hurt you. 

learning to love yourself and overcoming body issues is not an exclusively trans experience. body dysphoria is an incredibly powerful and terrible thing that we as humans often experience to massively different degrees, and there is no one-size-fits-all ‘cure’. you’re the only one who can make yours. be honest with yourself and write things out, explain yourself to yourself openly and at your own pace, and come to your truth. it’s going to be better than anybody else’s truth and it’s going to be tailor-made for you.

Hawaiian Changeling Child

I have a character that I have changed from white to Native Hawaiian to have a POC lead but that has brought up with some issues with her backstory. The main one is that she has a twin brother who is a changeling. Reading your wonderful site I can see a couple of problems with this, white baby being made POC, Stolen POC babies (The biological twin does appear later and not forgotten about.)  and the main one of him being a security expert and fake breaks into places, like a legal type of thief. I want to keep the twin bond but but if there are two many problems I can just change him into an adopted white younger brother.

Security expert who fake breaks into places to make them better isn’t a terrible problem, but I’m not Hawaiian or Polynesian so I can’t really speak for any exact stereotypes here. As always, you can mitigate this by having multiple native Hawaiians in the story with a variety of roles.

Stolen PoC babies for Indigenous people, on the other hand, is huge. I am talking “guides for what makes a fit parent are conveniently rewritten to steal Indigenous kids” levels. Canada had a mass theft of Indigenous children in the 60s, called the 60s Scoop, so it’s not ancient history at all. This is an Indigenous issue that needs a ton of sensitivity, and if you do want to keep PoC leads then really dig down to which ethnicity doesn’t have a massive adoption crisis in modern day North America.

That all being said, I’m going to specifically talk about some unfortunate implications in the changeling myth, and how you’re reinforcing something you might not be aware of.

Changeling children often end up describing textbook autistic kids, to the point some people believe changelings were describing autistic children. 

Changelings ask strange questions, don’t understand “human” (allistic/non autistic) rules, they have odd sensitivities, rituals, preferences, and sometimes have very superhuman-like abilities. These are the same traits autistic people have.

The main narrative for autism in America right now is that autism “steals” normal kids away, and the goal of various “therapies” for “intervention” is to “find the normal kid underneath autism.” That normal kid doesn’t exist in somebody autistic. But by the way you’ve framed the myth, that normal kid does exist and was stolen.

This isn’t as big a problem so long as the changeling is treated respectfully by the prose, and the end result is “three people, one a bit weird, all become family.” However, if there’s some sort of twist where the changeling is bad, working to destroy things, etc… you’ve basically taken an autistic coded individual and made them evil, reinforcing a narrative that hurts the community deeply.

Regardless of whether or not you keep the character as some sort of PoC, do understand the potential history of changelings, how you’ve created your own changeling, and how you treat them within the plot. This can fight a little bit with PoC representation, because I would love to see fewer “gifted but weird autistic white boy” narratives and more PoC autistic narratives. White boys are terribly over-represented whenever autism is discussed, to the point PoC and girls/AFAB individuals often don’t get diagnosed. People legitimately don’t think it’s possible for us to be autistic thanks to how closely tied autism is to boys.

~ Mod Lesya

creatingyourself  asked:

So when I graduate I'm going straight to traveling. But the problem is it's going to be really hard leaving my cat. She's my therapy animal and she's very attached to me and vice versa. I see those adventure cats all over the Internet and I was wondering if you have ideas on how to accomplish that. I've got a year before I start traveling.

I honestly don’t know if I would advise aiming to have her become an “adventure cat” - you have to remember that those are very carefully curated social media marketing ventures that are highly unlikely to represent reality. 

To start, think about your cat’s personality and behavioral tendencies. Is she an animal who handles change and lots of stimulus well? An animal who travels with you is going to have to able to weather constant change and an endless supply of new noises, smells, people, and more. That’s hard even for people, and it’s why service animals are chosen so carefully - it’s not something most cats are honestly going to be comfortable with. Is your cat interested in interacting with a lot of strangers? If she’s traveling with you - especially if you have her out in public like those adventure cat accounts - she’s going to be constantly deluged with attention and photos, even if you’re not letting people pet her. 

Next, think about the logistics. 

For the cat: is your cat trained to wear a harness and walk on a leash? Not every cat is happy to wear a harness and leash while exploring, and you can’t have a loose animal in public. Will she be in a carrier or riding on your shoulders, and is she trained for that specific behavior?  How will you handle veterinary care in each location, if it is needed? Will you take medical records with you? Is your cat micro-chipped in case she gets loose somehow? How will you acclimate your cat ahead of time to the new experiences you might want to engage in while you’re on travel if you’re wanting to take her with you, like tram rides or canoeing or hiking? They’re not in the normal range of an experience for your animal, so you’d want to make sure she’s comfortable with similar situations ahead of time. What will you do if your cat is stressed during an experience you really don’t want to quit, or have invested a lot of money into? What will your backup plan be?

For travel logistics: can you ensure that everywhere you’d be staying will allow pets? Hotels and motels often have extra fees for animals, if they allow them at all. What about buses or trains or planes? Unless you’re driving your own car, there’s a lot of extra considerations about pet allowances to keep in mind. What about when you go places pets aren’t allowed? You can’t take your cat into a grocery store or a restaurant - cats aren’t legally allowed to be service animals, and anyhow it’s immoral to lie about that to get access - so where will your cat be left during those periods? 

If you’re travelling internationally, you’ll have to think about dealing with the mandated quarantine periods for your cat upon arrival and the fact that laws for animal access and required vaccinations will be different every where you go. If you’re just travelling within your country, make sure you know all the state and local laws for each area - you don’t want to end up with your animal confiscated or at risk because of lack of research. 

As you can sort of tell from the questions above, travelling with an animal ads a lot of complications to your plans and severely limits what you can do. Very few dogs are suited for engaging in that sort of long-term level of novel stimulus and stress, and I would hazard a guess that even fewer cats would be appropriate candidates for it. Honestly, as much as I know you’re highly bonded to your animal, it would likely be kinder to her to leave her behind - and you’d be able to get much, much more out of your travel experience when not having to plan around all the logistical issues associated with bringing her with you.  

anonymous asked:

Could you do an evaluation on German Shepherds?

I knew this question would come. German Shepherds are so notorious from a health perspective. They are also extremely common and a well-loved breed with many devoted enthusiasts, and I’m bound to offend somebody by not being suitably approving of their favorite breed. So let me start with this disclaimer:

Now, with that in mind, let’s talk specifically about German Shepherds.

“Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong… in a German Shepherd.” - Veterinary Pathologists

Many a vet student wizened to the fact early in their studies that if they were presented with a question like “Name a breed in which X occurs”, there was a better than 50% chance that ‘German Shepherd’ would be one of the right answers. That should tell you an awful lot about the breed.

Keep reading

Recovering repressed or dissociated memories is possible, and being unable to right now doesn’t make you less important as a survivor.

Because Tumblr has a large population of people with DID, OSDD, and trauma in general, Tumblr also has a large population of people who know they were abused but who do not know specifics or who do not know *all* the specifics. Unfortunately, a lot of pages that have done a lot to validate survivors whose abuse memories stayed with them from day one are actually very standoffish and “eew, don’t touch me with that” toward survivors with repressed and/or dissociated memories. Before I go further, let me say that I 100% understand an individual page owner feeling ill equipped to deal with questions about recovered memories and saying “I’m sorry, but I really know nothing about this. Can someone else offer some insight?”

However, some sites such as SCaR literally disallow asks related to repressed and/or dissociated memories. Recently, when an ask somehow got through anyway, they published a cautionary tale about dissociated/repressed memories which I have heard amounted to the same old story of “person thinks they were abused, does some digging, jumps to a conclusion, and then it turns out nothing happened.”

Stories like that absolutely exist. They happen. However, the frequency with which recovered memories turn out to be false has been *greatly* overstated by the false memory syndrome foundation, a pseudoscientific collective of lawyers and other “professionals” who work to discredit survivors with recovered memories of trauma. This organization got started after the founder’s daughter, Jennifer Freyd, recovered memories of her own childhood sexual abuse. Her family’s defense was “recovered memories aren’t a thing.” Not “we loved our daughter and never would have done that.” Not “wow, I’m not sure what we did to hurt her so much, but maybe we should get some therapy together to try to clear this up.” Just “recovered memories aren’t a thing.” It’s the same defense that many survivors (of continuously recalled abuse as well as repressed/dissociated abuse) are familiar with where instead of responding to a survivor’s accusations of abuse and mistreatment, the abuser redirects the conversation so that it becomes about the survivor’s sanity instead.

Not all stories that begin with a survivor realizing that something is off about his/her/their past ends with realizing it was all hooey and feeling oh-so-ashamed. Actually remembering your trauma is possible, and so is finding answers that will help you to feel confident about what you’ve remembered. Your dissociated memories aren’t “gone.” Right now, they might be hiding, but that doesn’t mean they’re lost forever.

Before I get into my own experiences, I’d like to specify that I am a little bit gifted when it comes to memory. I have a very clear episodic memory for non-trauma-related things, and I have an easier time recovering memories than most survivors do. That said, I have seen survivors with average memories gain a lot of clarity through trauma work.

In 2010, one of my system members brought up a specific abuser. She had a name, a hairstyle, a distinct face, a posture, a unique voice, a lot of personality traits. In short, she was more developed than a spontaneously generated fictional character would be. Several system members shared their own experiences with this woman, and I remember finding myself absolutely floored. Who the hell was this person? If she was that big of a part of my life, why did I never realize it? This woman felt like some kind of phantom or spirit who only existed in my twisted imagination, and that made it hard to take any of our recovered memories seriously.

Eventually, I went back though my life to find out if I had ever met anyone with the same name as this abuser. I realized that I had. A woman by that name (with a similar experience to what my system members described) had shown up at my school one day, acting like she knew me incredibly well. Eventually, I started wondering where else I had seen that woman. One system member volunteered that she looked like an employee at our church, and another system member (I think) recalled the sort of job she did during the week. We looked up staff pages for the two different jobs we remembered her having, and we eventually found a picture of her. The hair was right, the posture was right, the eyes were right, the age was right, etc.

In this case, we got “lucky” because this abuser didn’t go as far out of her way to make herself invisible as other abusers have. That said, once we knew she had worked at various places I frequented as a child, I started to realize “oh, that thing that happened in the closet that I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone about was actually rape” and “oh, that other thing that happened in that other closet that my mom lied to the police about was also rape.” Both of those were nearly conscious memories that I normally overlooked because I thought there was nothing to see.

While some memories were buried in the system (either because they happened to others in the system or because they were taken from me and hidden somewhere), other memories were repressed or pushed down because I was told I would literally go to hell if I told anyone about them or because I was told that these things happened because I was an unforgivably bad child, and everyone in the world would hate me if they knew.

Knowing what happened can be immensely helpful. Knowing means that whoever went through it can share what happened and get some relief from finally being open about things. Knowing means that when you have trauma responses, you at least know where they’re coming from and can actually talk yourself through them. Knowing means you can actually say something when people ask you what’s upsetting you.

The trouble is that not knowing is taken to mean that you aren’t really a survivor or that it’s undecided whether you’re a survivor or not. I’ve seen people who have *obvious* triggers that are fairly typical for abuse survivors (sexual violence, people of a certain age or gender or other category, pregnancy, their own genitals in more of an “I hate genitals in general” than “I want different genitals” way, etc.), yet because these people cannot clearly state what traumatic event caused those feelings, they are considered halfway survivors or not survivors at all.

I have seen people who are suffering from the seizing panic and pain that triggers and flashbacks can cause without visuals to at least show them the source of all that suffering get told that they’re “lucky” they don’t remember. There’s a common misconception that if your trauma is still dissociated, it means that you are essentially no different from a non-survivor in terms of suffering. It’s similar to the misconception that if you’re in the closet, you are basically straight/cis (with all the privileges and comfort that comes with) until you come out. It simply isn’t true.

If your memories are still dissociated or repressed, it doesn’t mean you’re a “fake” survivor. It might mean that you (and your system, if you have one) don’t feel safe enough to let down the walls and see what’s beyond them. Continued contact with abusers (including parents who “don’t do it anymore” or claim to have changed), entanglements with people who remind you of past abusers/keep you stuck in the abusive cycle (toxic significant others, “friends” who manipulate you, overbearing bosses, therapists or doctors who gaslight and manipulate you, etc.), and unstable environmental issues (money problems, insecure living situation, lack of food, inability to transition if trans, lack of needed medical or mental health care, etc.). If things aren’t coming and system members aren’t talking, it’s often useful to try to improve the material circumstances of your life and try again later. There are certainly safety precautions that need to be taken when trying to dismantle years of guarding and compartmentalizing, but that doesn’t mean no one should ever try or that a dissociated/repressed trauma history is any less serious than a fully remembered one.

(edit: This got a little longer than planned… but I feel sorta good now that I can see how far along I’ve come actually….)

To be honest, all the people screaming about having Tryptophobia… you guys don’t sound like you’re actually having a phobic reaction. If you immediately turn to self mutilation, that’s impulsive/compulsive behavior, not fear behavior. 

I’m a diagnosed arachnophobe (my father is an asshole, we’ll leave it at that).  I would scream and scramble away from anything I thought was a spider when I was young. The vine stalk on a tomato caused a small kitchen fire once because I flailed in the worst possible direction. I smashed my laptop (flying across a room does that) and accidentally gave one of my dogs a bloody nose because I thought something that felt like legs crawled onto my ankle and I kicked out like a spaz -it was just her nose whiskers.

But let’s get something REAL clear, phobias cause an avoidance behavior, of some kind.  In bad cases they cause extreme avoidance behaviors where the person will blindly run into things and people to escape the source of the fear. You try to get AWAY from the thing that’s scaring you. It’s also important to know the fear is irrational and the reaction is completely overblown to the stimuli.  My reactions would make sense if I lived where aggressive baboon spiders tended to randomly drop from the ceiling, not the 3 inch flat wall crawlers we have here. I have a phobia, I fit the DSM criteria for a phobia, I have a code number that gets added to my monthly insurance bill because of that diagnosis.

If you have a phobia, you don’t stop and stare at it and start scratching your skin off, that’s legitimately crazy, and certainly not in the manual for the categorized symptoms.  That’s an impulse behavior issue, and because you apparently don’t like it but can’t stop, that starts putting it in compulsive impulse territory (the popular and often tumblr diagnosed OCD). You trypophobes do NOT have a phobia, get a new name for your condition, trypophomania or something (symptom being an inclination to recreate the same holes in yourself apparently, while obsessing on the stimuli that prompts the mimicry).  You do people with genuine fear a huge disservice by being associated with your dramatic crazy.  FR is a game site, this is literally the safest place you can ever desensitize yourself to this issue you’ve got. 

I got actual medical help for my arachnophobia, medication mediated-desensitization therapy worked wonders (a beta-blocker and unpacking the core aspects of the fear, putting into words what was I afraid of specifically, what I was afraid would happen… cognitive therapy needs more support).  As did learning what my absolute thresholds were (cartoon spiders all peachy, Spiderman, completely okay, Star Ship Troopers…. okay, the spiders from that episode of American Gods… not okay [creeps and cold sweat inducing], a 1080px wallpaper of a goliath spider, extremely not okay [shriek and back button], that same wallpaper reduced to 350px …okay [creeps and thinking something is on my neck]… and so on).  

I’ve got myself managed down to where I no longer need medication or the talk therapy, but have an absolute limit of either overly realistic tarantula images that are  larger than 200px or  live tarantula-like spider within 3 feet of me.  I can actually stand 500px gifs of peacock spiders, because I make a point to focus on their movement and patterns and not on their fangs and claws.  I sort of have a tiny “pet” orb weaver that lives in my lamp next to me, right now.  Because that’s how I’m continuing my own therapy by getting used to the idea that a spider is just a small animal that doesn’t want to eat my eyes (yesterday, with my snake tongs, I fed her a pinhead cricket and it was really cool that she was okay with me looming over head to come out and wrap it up [and then she suddenly dropped down and I jumped back like two feet….so yeah, but I’m better than I was]).  My mother bought me a cake when I managed to sit through the movie Arachnophobia on TNT, without a single jump. That was like my graduation moment right there!  And let’s also understand that it’s taken me almost ten years to get from the kitchen fire situation to watching a movie literally titled with my problem and being totally fine with it, without being on any medication or chanting mantras to myself in the process. 

THAT’s how you learn to function with an issue, because it’s ultimately your issue and no one else’s responsibility to manage it but your own.  I manage my arachnophobia not by making everyone douse every inch of my surroundings in malathion, or wanting to “kill everything with fire” or telling people that like having tarantulas as pets that they are the devil and the idea “triggers” you so much, or wanting a game that I do use constructively to help myself (not a fan of redknee tarantulas, they look too real, but the volcanic vents familiars have all the stuff I’m scared of, but look just unspider and “fake” enough for me to study them and let my panic cool down while desensitizing myself more.)

So STFU about your fake phobia, and figure out how to get a handle on yourself, even if it means taking a break from FR until the hype dies down, I’m sure you can find something else to do for a week (figure out if you can handle honeycomb cereal or do you lose your mind every time you see chainlink fencing, make it a self-discovery week.  Making FR get rid of a gene won’t fix you! You’ll just be reinforcing your own problem because you’ve successfully screamed away another opportunity for safe desensitization rather than do the more challenging thing and figure out what’s wrong.).  When the festival hits, everyone will be talking about that instead.  And you’ll barely notice Jaguar and Rosette, like you barely notice Hypnotic now.  

anonymous asked:

a). Yes, yes, and yes to everything you said about Damon, Defan, De! I'm sorry this may be a long post. I've heard people say it's because he loves Elena so much that he does these things, no Damon doesn't love Elena. I really want people to get this Damon doesn't know how to love, he doesn't know what real love is. If you love someone you don't hurt their friends and family when the person you supposedly love does something to hurt your feelings. Again and again Damon has proven he doesn't

“Yes, yes, and yes to everything you said about Damon, Defan, De! I’m sorry this may be a long post. I’ve heard people say it’s because he loves Elena so much that he does these things, no Damon doesn’t love Elena. I really want people to get this Damon doesn’t know how to love, he doesn’t know what real love is. If you love someone you don’t hurt their friends and family when the person you supposedly love does something to hurt your feelings. Again and again Damon has proven he doesn’t love Elena. If he did he wouldn’t have done the things he did in the first place. His version of ‘love’ is screwed up because of his experiences with his parents and Katherine. That’s why for years I’ve wanted character development for Damon. If you want us to believe in this so called ‘epic’ love that DE have then Damon’s going to need a transformation. (i.e. Grow the heck up!) Although imo if Damon does I think he would move on from his relationship with Elena because they wouldn’t fit. anymore. Which is exactly what should happen but we know it won’t so… As far as the stone goes I haven’t heard anything about Stefan’s experience I think they are focusing on Damon because of what he has to do to get out. (It’s been spoiled and believe me you are going to roll your eyes) Warning: be ready for more man pain in real time. I’m wondering how many episodes they are going to drag it instead of showing Stefan. I am so sick of Damon’s whiny pathetic man pain, we don’t need more.“

Hey, anon!  Thanks for writing in! This is going to be a LONG response, lol, so settle in.

OK here is one of the many issues surrounding Damon and Elena. The way Damon feels about Elena isn’t unique to her. He spent over a century pining for Katherine and was willing to kill and manipulate anyone and everyone who got in his way when it came to getting her back. He attacks Bonnie because Emily possesses her and destroys the crystal that could get him into the tomb; he tries to team up with Logan so he can get into the tomb; he force-feeds Elena his blood so Stefan can give him the grimoire to get him into the tomb. Or he turns Vicki because he’s thinking about Katherine and he’s in feels.

And he does things like that with Elena. He kills Aaron because he thinks she broke up with him; he chokes Matt (or was it Tyler?) with chains because he wants Jeremy to let him out so he can go to Elena etc. etc.

So when the show packages the feelings he has for Elena as something specific to her, I sit there like but it’s not, though. Season 1 was all about how Damon would do anything to get Katherine back — it’s not like Elena awakened in Damon the capacity to feel because he’d been feeling and waiting for Katherine for over 100 years. So when Stefan and Damon have that exchange in 2x01 when Stefan goes on and on about how Damon feels something for Elena and he won’t let Katherine come in and destroy that part of him, I’m sitting there like but that part of him was NEVER destroyed! Damon’s problem is that he can’t handle what he feels so he kills people because it’s easier than dealing with his shit. If anything it was Stefan who was unwilling to feel, unwilling to be vulnerable and let someone in and meeting Elena forced him to do that:

And the other issue with Damon and Elena which is entwined with the first issue is that Damon actually just transplanted his obsession with Katherine onto Elena. He can’t even bear to see her dressed in old-fashioned clothes because it reminds him too much of Katherine.

Elena was the Katherine that he always wanted because what exactly is it about Elena that Damon falls in love with?

When Stefan discusses Elena and Katherine, there are clear distinctions in what he feels for each woman; he speaks of Katherine, he speaks of her beauty, of her penchant for having a good time, of her laugh. When he speaks about how he felt about her, it’s this need to “have” her, this want that obliterates all of his selfless tendencies because he just HAS to be with her. But when he talks about Elena: “Elena is warm and she’s kind and she’s caring and she’s selfless and it’s real and honestly when I’m around her I completely forget what I am”, “I met a girl and we talked. It was epic…” What he feels for Elena is grounded and it’s emotional and it’s kindling and it’s intimate. It’s a very different love.

But with Damon … he falls for Elena because she is a woman who essentially takes a chance on him, his love for her is rooted in her investment in him:

which is why in season 4 he wasn’t too pressed about her having no humanity, he wasn’t too pressed about her getting the cure until he realized she wasn’t fawning over him anymore. She seduced him and teamed up with Rebekah who snapped his neck and they stole his car and after that he referred to Elena as a “bitch”.

And with Delena it’s always “getting the girl”, she’s a target for Damon, she’s a representation, a symbol. 

So it’s actually not really a relationship, it’s therapy for Damon and furthermore it’s therapy that isn’t working because you have this:

and this

How can it be that DE is a relationship in which Damon is redeemed when feeling what he feels for Elena leads to him attacking Andie or killing Jessica or killing Aaron or snapping Jeremy’s neck or kidnapping Jeremy or crushing Matt’s windpipe? How can it be love when those feelings compel him to hurt people? And how can the show justify Elena loving him back considering all that carnage and considering that as Stefan mentioned Elena is meant to be “warm and kind and caring and selfless”? And they don’t because really, Delena isn’t about Elena or about what Damon does for Elena (which is honestly, truly nothing) or about it being a symbiotic dynamic, it’s about Damon finally “getting the girl” and it’s like …

I agree that if Damon were allowed to grow as a character, he wouldn’t be with Elena, he wouldn’t need to be because his sense of redemption and morality wouldn’t be symbolized in her and the fact that she’s meant to be an embodiment of his better nature is the only reason why they’re together in the first place. And in the beginning of season 6, you can sort of see that Damon has outgrown his need for Elena and you see the show redirect him to it. When I was into Bamon, I shipped them because a) Ian and Kat have incredible chemistry b) Damon actually grows with Bonnie when the show doesn’t hinder it and it’s because Bamon was a relationship that was based in a respect, it was a begrudging respect but it was there. In fact, I don’t think Damon respected anyone on the show but Bonnie, which is why originally there was prickliness there because she demanded his best behaviour by not excusing him or coddling him and I think he resented that and yet appreciated that because he grows to care for her, “Careful, Damon, I might think you actually care…” and in season 1 and in season 2 he would thank her whenever she helped him and you could tell that he meant it and he respected her enough to say it because when did Damon ever say thank you to anyone on the show? (Except for Elena). and in the prison world, you know, when Kai shoots Bonnie with the arrow and Damon has a choice between the ascendant and saving Bonnie, he chooses Bonnie.  So he grows with Bonnie (of course the issue with that is that Bamon is still inherently about Damon and about what Bonnie can do for Damon and make Damon better).

Which leads to my final point; every relationship Damon has is always ultimately about Damon because the show refuses to make him grow up on his own, the show refuses to really make him pay for what he’s done i.e. have the other characters abandon him so he can figure his shit out and feel the loss of having no one and being confronted with his man-childness and so because of that, the show will drag out Damon’s man pain and centre everything around it and call it “development.”

anonymous asked:

Hi there! I love what yall are doing here, and I have a Q if that's ok. Ive got an autistic character who runs away from home as soon as he graduates high school. Its specifically due to the stress and lack of control he felt he had in his life due to things like his family urging him into therapy, his issues in school, etc. This was all in his backstory before I had realized that I wanted to label him as autistic, so Im wondering if it would still work? And if taking comfort items would help?

Yes, autistic people can runaway from home. I cannot give you specific advice about what things would help or hinder your character because I don’t have enough information. If you re-send the question off-anon I can ask you some clarifying questions.

Having comfort items would be, well, a comfort, but I don’t know what sort of situations your character is facing. Your character’s problems, and the things which help him, will depend on his living situation and how safe he is.

I hope this helps somewhat.

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queenlabonte  asked:

You should write some Layla/Warren.... just saying

(goddamnit isabella)

“We’ve gotta stop meeting like this,” Layla says, leaning against the counter.

“I wouldn’t call you stalking me at work every time you get stood up ‘meeting’, but I agree, please stop,” Warren says, with no sincerity. The Paper Lantern is deserted and he’s not actually looking to scare off his only company.

“I wasn’t stood up,” Layla says crossly, “it’s not standing someone up if there’s giant robots involved.”

Warren snorts softly, not looking up from where he’s wiping down the counter, “you keep telling yourself that.”

She picks up a menu and turns it around in her hands, probably just for something to do, considering she’s here so much she probably knows the vegetarian sections by heart.

“It’s also not being stood up,” she says finally, “if you’re not technically together anymore.”

Warren does look up at that, “Seriously? I thought you two exchanged promise rings and everything.”

“Shut up. We decided to go on a break. We were gonna talk about it tonight but something super came up.”

Warren wonders if part of her plant powers are pheromones that compel him to talk about all her problems because despite how not interested he is in Stronghold’s personal life, he asks, “So what’s the problem?”

“The problem,” Layla says, slapping her menu down, “is Titana.”

“Isn’t she the one with the–” Warren falters, unable to find a tactful way to say ‘aggressive amounts of cleavage’. He feels like if he ever admitted to even looking at someone’s breasts Layla would slap him, “–laser vision?”

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Okay, I think it’s time for another horrible Umineko wall of text aaaaaaaahhhh please run away while you still can 
You know, this’ll sound pretty dumb, but I think, even though it still could’ve been a little better, I finally get the ending to Umineko EP8, and I guess the series as a whole, in a fundamental way that I never really grasped before. Now, don’t think that I’m absolving it of all it’s issues by any means! It’s still kind of an awkwardly paced mess that brushes a ton of great characters to the side and leaves the stories of the few sorely unfinished (just try to guess who I’m talking about here) for the sake of only a handful. But I think I’m happier with it then I was in the past.

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"The Best Therapy” Part 1

Inspired by “The Best Medicine” by Sheepfulsheepyard which I also did a doodle set for. This sort of but not really serves as a sequel to that??? Haha! I didn’t ask for permission before my brain started going and my hands started typing. I’m so sorry @sheepfulsheepyard

Ezra flinched as the softer part of his palm touched the hot cup of car he was going to bring to Kanan, upon Hera’s request. He uttered a small sound, barry a cry. But Hera being the ever-vigilant one caught it.

“Let me have a look at that.” Hera said, looking a mix of concerned and disappointed that Ezra was hurt, and that he tried to hide it.

Ezra pressed his lips together in a  displeased frown. “It’s nothing.” he assured her, but offered his left hand anyway.

She took it into hers gently, other hand pausing just at his wrist, which in comparison to hers, was much smaller. “May I?”

Ezra sighed and rolled his eyes, not replying. She took that as a yes and began to remove his glove.

They had finally begun to settle into Garel; it’d been a few days since Kanan was finally able—or more specifically, allowed by the medical team to walk around again. They insisted on making sure that there weren’t any other physiological problems, to which Kanan had rejected just as insistently. He was tired of being cooped up and poked at—good intentions or not. He needed to be in the Ghost, he needed to see his crew. But despite the return of their leader, his padawan remained…difficult.

As jumpy and serious and not to mention all-around-stubborn Ezra became when they had all thought they lost Kanan to the Inquisitor and the Empire, Hera thought that the return of the Jedi would make Ezra snap back to the way he always was. Of course, the boy still cracked a few lame jokes at Sabine and pulled pranks on Zeb and still argued ceaselessly with Chopper…but there was something still so very off about the boy.

He always looked as if he was on-edge. And from the looks of his face more than half the time—he wasn’t getting nearly enough sleep either.

“So this is where the party is.” Kanan said jokingly as he entered the mess. “I was beginning to think you’d left to organize a surprise welcome-back party for me.”

Ezra looked up as Hera finished removing the glove from his hand and frowned at it—Kanan and Hera were on the terms on no longer having to greet the other. But Ezra smiled a little, his cheeks making his eyes into big, bright crescents of adoring blue at the sight of his master. Hera wanted to laugh—having remembered their subconscious bonding at the medical bay, when Kanan embraced Ezra so tight the smaller of the two almost disappeared into Kanan’s protective arms.

“It’s a little sore.” Ezra admitted finally, catching Hera’s suspicious gaze at the pinkish skin at the palm of his hand and the tips of his fingers. “Must’ve been when I touched the wall.”

Hera herself had eased Ezra out of Kanan’s tough grip when the boy awoke, stomach growling with hunger. She had said nothing to Kanan about it—she didn’t even know where to begin if ever she were to bring it up anyway.

“Touched the—…” Hera’s voice drifted off as she realized—Ezra was referring to the moment he had used his lightsaber to cut a hole in the wall of the Star Destroyer in order to get them in during Kanan’s rescue. The boy had climbed though the hole first, while it was still hot. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

A concerned look from Kanan found it’s way to Ezra’s peripheral vision. Ezra’s eyebrows shot up and he raised both hands in defense, taking his slightly burnt hand from Hera’s hold doing so.

Ezra shrugged. “It’s nothing. It’s almost gone now.”

Hera raised a doubtful brow. Not with the way he almost screamed at the touch of a hot cup of caf she thought, but said nothing. It didn’t take any word from her to prompt Kanan however.

“Let me see.” Kanan demanded softly holding his hand out.

Ezra made a face and raised his upturned left hand, which Kanan eyed without taking for fear of hurting him accidentally. The man tilted his head in quick thought before smiling a little.

“It doesn’t look bad. It is almost gone.” Kanan agreed, looking at Hera who was still not convinced. “I’ve got some Solarcaine Spray that should ease the pain. Come on.”

At that, Ezra willingly—if a little eagerly, went to follow Kanan out of the room. Hera stopped them however, by patting Kanan’s shoulder. They shared a look that Ezra could read as an entire conversation between just the two of them. The boy folded his arms, a little jealous of the fact that Hera and Kanan didn’t need the Force to be able to talk behind his back right in front of him. He vaguely wondered when he would be able to do that one day. Maybe with Zeb, or better yet Sabine. He unfolded his arms and nearly chuckled at the memory of him and Sabine sharing that ‘we’re in trouble’ look when Zeb and Hera had asked about the TIE.

Kanan glanced back at Ezra, a gesture which the boy caught and made yet another face at. Kanan continued out of the room and Ezra followed suit, knowing very well that they were going to have a talk about whatever it was Hera wanted Kanan to talk to him about.

“There.” Kanan said, dabbing a clean cloth over Ezra’s palm and putting the spray bottle down. “So what’s bugging ya, kid?”

Ezra blinked and his brows twisted in confusion. “Huh? What do you mean?”

Kanan sighed a little heavily. “Come on, spill.”

Ezra rubbed a bashful hand against his neck grinning awkwardly. “There’s not much to tell—Hera just thinks I’m not sleeping enough.”

“And why not?” Kanan’s tone took on a more serious one—Ezra thought it was because his master thought his lack of sleep would interfere with his Jedi training. “You know we’re right here. You can talk to us.”

“I know.” Ezra said, sounding a little irritated. “It’s nothing Kanan, really.”

Kanan didn’t buy it.

Although Kanan had technically let Ezra off the hook after their exchange that afternoon; which Ezra gladly took as permission to hunker down in his shared cabin with Zeb, it didn’t mean he couldn’t find out what Ezra was keeping to himself by other means. He’d just have to figure out how to find out as he always did. But first…

Kanan folded his legs and breathed out slowly, putting his hands on his knees and closing his eyes. He’d missed too many of his own scheduled meditation sessions; this would be the first time in awhile he’d finally have enough alone time to do so. Even if it was rather late at night.

A few minutes passed when he felt it. A familiar tug through the Force—Ezra. The feeling was strong, like small, searching hands fumbling through the dark for his presence. It was the same feeling Kanan had felt on that Star Destroyer, strapped in his prison cell. Kanan responded instinctively, as if tuned to do only that when he felt Ezra was looking for him.

Kanan did suspect the boy had been waking up in the middle of the night to check and make sure he was still there, but this was the first time Ezra had used the Force to call to him from such a short distance. The feeling was intense.

Ezra meanwhile leaned on the outside of the door, one hand on the steel surface. His eyes widened a little as he felt Kanan reciprocate his call through the Force. Satisfied, he slowly lifted his hand off the door and turned to head back to his room. His shoulders were weary with the strain of lack of rest, and the urge to get back to bed. In the middle of the hallway, he paused, realizing the warmth that surrounded him when Kanan had reached back to him hadn’t left yet. Kanan was still projecting his own presence around him using the Force, even as he got over his momentary stun continued walking and finally made it back to his cabin, and settled back on his bunk.

It was like a warm quilt was draped over him, Ezra thought sleepily.

Kanan felt the small tinge of embarrassment his padawan felt that slowly blossomed into a connection to all his other emotions—fear, anxiousness, longing…Kanan knew now. He opened his eyes and let out a deep sigh, feeling as if he hadn’t breathed in ages.

Ezra was having nightmares about losing him.

Stay tuned for Part 2~! Also @pep-no if you’re going to make angst-fics I might as well make fluffy ones.

"Group Therapy" - A summary of the Doctor Who Q&A Panel featuring Matt Smith and Karen Gillan at the Wizard World Philadelphia Comic Con

(credit to @aboleyn on Twitter)

Okay so Matt and Karen’s panel was earlier today and it was absolutely amazing! I documented pretty much everything during the panel for you all to read at your enjoyment! There was A LOT so I’ll be putting it under a read more, read at your own risk/pleasure/whatever you prefer.

(Some highlights- Matt and Karen doing the drunk giraffe, as if they were “star-crossed lovers”; Matt’s socks; their mothers; Matt being slightly jealous of Peter Capaldi; Matt and Karen singing the Doctor Who theme song, and encouraging the audience to join in; a lot of sass on Karen’s part; and Matt’s inner Doctor coming out.)

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nanaboonana  asked:

Hi! ☺️ I'm super obsessed with Destiel, do you have any recommendations for Destiel fics?! I need new stuff to read, ily btw ❤️


(And apologies for letting this sit in my inbox for so long! I’ve been awful busy lately.)

I already have a small fic rec list from a similar ask here! I’ve been meaning to make a complete list for awhile now, but there are so many that I love that that would definitely take a good chunk of time. As I said in the last one, I can get as specific as you want, but here are some more of my very favorites. :]

  • All Things Shining - Here’s a canon!verse fic that is beautifully, beautifully written. I’m in the process of re-reading it right now, and it’s definitely a story that sticks with you. It really highlights the massiveness and beauty of Dean and Cas’ relationship. I suggest reading the review on destielfanfic here, if you want, but I’ll just say it’s a personal favorite for me. :) Also features some Sam/OC, which I’m usually just “meh” about, but you really… I don’t know, care? Like, you care about their relationship. Anyway, it’s a nice touch.
  • C-S-T-L - This fic was recced to me by a very sweet anon, and god bless them for it. This story features android!Cas and an awful lot of world building, which ended up being really, really cool. It’s one of those fics that I think is better than a lot of published fiction lol. The progression of Dean and Cas’ relationship parallels the canon in that Cas isn’t meant to be able to feel any sort of emotion, and honestly, it’s one of the best relationship progressions I’ve ever seen. At least for me. The warnings, I think, make the fic out to sound more dark than it actually is–though definitely do mind those warnings. It can still get pretty dark, trust me.
  • Jump The Track - Ahhh, everyone’s favorite high school au. :] If you haven’t read this, it’s a must. This was the second Destiel fic I ever read, and I absolutely tore through it the first time around (and the second). This fic manages to be both sweet and just a little bit heartbreaking–both Dean and Cas have their own share of problems. But it’s wonderful and that they’re able to overcome them together. Read it!
  • Any Port in a Storm - We all love pretend boyfriends au’s, right? Well, this one is the absolute best. It’s set in canon on a sort of couples therapy cruise ship. While the set up makes it sound very fluffy–which it certainly is, in some places, to an extent–there’s a lot of strain in Dean and Cas’ relationship in the beginning…which makes perfect sense. It addresses everything we have ever wanted to be addressed in canon: purgatory, Naomi and the crypt scene, everything unspoken between them. That’s what made this fic an absolute joy to read. (I may also have a strong bias as it features demi!Cas, my personal headcanon.) c:
  • The Request - Oh my god, oh my god, I am unable to express the amount of love I have for this fic. I’m not usually a straight-up fluff person (I feel like fluff should be earned) but this is absolutely wonderful. It’s fluff, but not saccharine. Anyway, this fic is set in an au where angels accept prayers in Heaven and readily help humans, and Sam prays for an angel to find his brother a soulmate. Cas, of course, is assigned the mission. And it’s by CloudyJenn, so you know that it’s good. :]
  • My Roots Take Flight - I can’t believe this wasn’t in my first fic rec. This is my… probably third favorite fic? Of all time? It’s an au that spins off the canon after the season 3 finale–instead of Cas raising Dean from hell, Dean escapes by becoming a guardian angel and watching over his assigned charge, Cas, who is being let go from the mental hospital he’s spent years in. This is another fic where the progression of the relationship is just so damn satisfying, and the plot is think but does in no way overshadow the romance. It’s amazing. 
  • A Beginner’s Guide to Communing With the Dead - Why did I avoid this one for so long?? I think it’s because case fics aren’t usually my thing. But if, for whatever reason, you’re avoiding this fic, read it. You will not regret it. Here’s one with that super cool element of using magic and everyday life, which I loved an awful lot more than I expected. I love Cas’ storyline in this–it’s another that parallels the canon as he learns to become more human. I don’t even know what to say other than the fact that I loved this fic so much… in fact, I think I’ll start re-reading it today.

Here you go! Just like the last one, this is probably more than you wanted, but I don’t know how to recommend fics without at least giving my own perspective. :p Hope you like these!!