i wish you got an entire game to do stuff in

Did you ever have a genuine psychic/medium experience?

Although many readings can be attributed to cold readings or sheer coincidence sometimes it’s uncanny how accurate psychics/mediums can be. Here’s a collection of supposedly genuine experiences from threads. If you have an experience feel free to tag me @sixpenceee!

by reddit user Jinuxxx

I never believe in palm /card readings. I don’t actually believe in it nowadays. BUT when I was in 9th grade, my friend took me with her to a fortune teller so she can have her future read. Surprisingly she mentioned about her love dilemma, a blonde guy and dark haired guy. She was completely convinced about her reading powers while I was meh… We’re teenagers, it’s natural we’ll find ourselves in situations like this. And then she predicted the scores she’ll get at the exams when you finish high school (in our country there are some mandatory subjects for the exams, thus multiple numbers) she guessed that right. If I think really hard about probabilities and stuff I can find a logic explanation to that as well. 

by reddit user GoobyBear22

About 5 years ago I saw a psychic that a family friend had told me was the real deal. I went in skeptical and came out a believer.

She used tarot cards and knew things that could have been lucky guesses, like that I had just bought a house and was renovating it, but she also knew specific things that no one else could have known.

The most amazing part of the whole thing was that she knew that I had some complications with my hormones and had a surgery in the past that would make getting pregnant very difficult, but she told me Despite all this, I would have a baby later in life. Toward the end of the reading she hands me the tarot cards and tells me to shuffle them. Then tells me to ask three questions in my mind one at a time. I decided to really test her authenticity so the first question I decided to ask was am I going to have children, and halfway through laying the five cards down, she stops and looks at me and scolds me saying “I already told you that you were going to have one child!” hah this is when I knew.

by reddit user wobblerss

This was before I was born. My mom had a neighbor who was a grandpa who could see the future. He told my mom that my sister would be really sick when she became a preteen and not to worry because she’d be okay. When my sister was a preteen she was diagnosed with cancer and after a year and a half she was perfectly fine. My mom was pregnant with me when she met him again and he told her that I would be a c-section baby. My mom already knew this and said she had scheduled the c-section already since I was breach but he was adamant that she would have me on a certain day and that the c-section wouldn’t go on the planned day. I was born on the exact day he predicted.

Nothing too crazy but the fact that he knew that my sister would be sick and would be okay is crazy to me. He also didn’t want any money and approached my mom and asked if he could do a reading for her.

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good.

Originally posted by kylemclachlan

(joe keery x reader) 

request: babes! can I have a joe keery one where y/n works on the set of stranger things and to him she’s like the coolest ever and the both have the same style and he falls pretty hard, and when season two comes around there’s a tearful reunion and confessions of love xxxx (also can y/n be british?)

summary: turns out joe doesn’t really cope well with his emotions and cries when he’s tired.

word count: 2,393

a/n: okay, so this is going out tonight (sunday), and i won’t be on much at all tomorrow BECAUSE MY AUNT IS HAVING A BABY, so i’m going to queue up a fic that somebody submitted to me, and that’ll go out tomorrow. that is all. there are no warnings in this fic. it’s just nice and fluffy and joe cries a lil. 


It had all started with the slapping.

Well, really, it had started when you’d been hired as a production assistant for some Netflix show. The premise had seemed interesting enough - you’d grown up being into sci-fi stuff - but what had really intrigued you was the fact that it was a paying job. You’d been trying your hardest to get a job in film, on top of trying to get someone to hire you while also providing you a work visa.

Eventually, your uncle had known this dude who’d known a woman who babysat for this person’s cousin who knew someone that worked at Netflix. Which meant that a couple of months later, you were working on the set of an actual tv show.

But the actual fun? That had started with the slapping.

It was day three of shooting, when you’d noticed it. Being a PA meant that you were relatively low on the list of important people, and that you were there to do what you were told and to keep your mouth shut. But you’d started to pick up on the fact that two of the actors, Gaten and Finn, had red cheeks. Not just red cheeks where they were a little excited for the scene at hand, but like… like they’d been hit. You had younger brothers. You knew how stupid kids could be. They’d already shot the scene twice, and a difference like that would be noticeable.

So you took a chance. You approached one of the Duffer brothers - you prayed you’d get the name right - and tapped him on the shoulder.

“Uh, Matt? Gaten and Finn’s cheeks look a little off. It might show up on camera.” You and Matt looked to the boys in question, watching as Finn reared his hand back and slapped Gaten across the cheek.

“What the fuck… Hey, you two! What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Matt started towards them, scowling as you hesitated for a second before following behind him. “Are you kidding me? You can’t slap each other before a take. It’s going to ruin continuity.”

“We can’t help it! We’re excited!” Gaten piped up, grinning.

“Well, are you guys going to stop?” Finn and Gaten both looked towards each other before turning back to Matt, shaking their heads, grinning like a couple of idiots. “Jesus,” he muttered. He sighed, running a hand over his face as he turned around. His gaze settled on you. “You, you good with kids?”

“Uh, sure?”

“Cool. You’re being promoted to child wrangler.”

“Isn’t there already a wrangler?”

“Well, yeah, but… You’ll be the actual wrangler. They’re worried about the kids’ safety. You’ll be making sure they don’t do anything stupid.”

Don’t do anything stupid became the mantra for the entirety of filming.

There would be days where it felt like the only things that you said were:

“Finn, knock it off.”

“Gaten, I understood the joke. It wasn’t funny.”

“Caleb, please stop talking.”

“Finn, knock it off.”

“Noah’s my favorite.”

“Finn, knock it off!

There were more better days than worse days, though. Millie easily listened to you the best, although that was more because you’d both lived in England. But weirdly enough, your favorite person on set ended up being Joe.

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anonymous asked:

I just read proposal yesterday and thought it was so sweet! I was wondering if you have any fics you could recommend? Jimin is my bias but I'm pretty open to any members with the reader. Thanks and keep up the good work! Kep jarng! 😁

Aghh thank you so much, sweetheart! I’m so glad you enjoyed Proposals and I’m really flattered that you’re asking me for recommendations! :D Okay, here’s a list of my fave fics that you should check out if you haven’t already. So you aren’t confused, the stuff in italics is the synopsis/description the writer provided and the indented bit is me being incoherent and lame as always.

Sin City (Jimin x reader) by @btssmutgaloreAfter a run of bad luck, you can go back home and admit defeat or step out of your comfort zone and look for a job at Sin City.  

Hands down the best stripper au I’ve ever read. I wasn’t quite sure what to expect from this fic because you never know where stripper AUs are going to go, but holy moly am I glad I gave this a chance. You will be addicted to this fic. Jimin’s character has so much depth, but he’s such an enigma at the same time and I’m dying to know what the heck he’s thinking/what his background is. The tension is so drawn out and the sessy scenes are all so different, which is really refreshing to read and you don’t know what’s going to come next. ALSO, I feel like there’s a lot of empowerment and respect in this fic, which makes me so happy. Love love love this fic with my entire being. 

Monster (Jeongguk x reader) by @btssmutgalore: You sleep with an obnoxious fratboy who used to be your friend.

This fic is perfection. It doesn’t have a complicated plot, but it’s still so interesting to read and the smut is A++++. Jeongguk’s character has so many facets and though he has a lot of issues to sort through, I’m rooting for him and the OC so much. 

Purple Jewels (Jimin/Jeongguk x reader) by @jiminniemouse: When you fall in love with Jungkook and he isn’t there to catch you, a sudden surprise shows up to give you a little bit of help.

GENIE!JIMIN. AKLSDJFKLAASKDJFLK (I really tried not to keyboard smash but fuck I lose my shit because of how much I love this fic). Oh man, where do I even begin with this?? It’s my absolute favourite Jimin x reader fic and one of my absolute fave fics in general because it’s written so well, it’s creative, the characters are interesting, AND THE TENSIONNNN. I come so close to combusting with each part and I’m dying for more. Also Jimin’s character is so sweet and I love him so much (where can I find myself a genie Jimin???). Please please please read this!

Hiraeth (Jeongguk/Taehyung x reader) by @jungkxookA world full of dwindling hope and lost loves and yet you and Jungkook are all the other needs to feel at home. 

This is the first member x reader fic I ever read and IT IS THE BEST THING EVER. EVER. It’s a zombie apocalypse au and it’s so angsty and sometimes it feels like my heart has been punched out of my chest and it’s such a wonderful feeling even though it hurts like hell. The world is constructed so believably and there are so many well thought out details to it, so when you’re reading it feels REAL. All the characters are different and you never know what’s going to happen next. I can’t recommend reading this enough, it is freaking incredible (and the love triangle is fucking me up so bad).

Philophobia (Jimin/Jeongguk x reader) by @minsvgasex has its consequences, always; whether for better or for worse, sex always has its consequences. and the drunken rendezvous you have with your best friend is not an exception.

This is discontinued but it’s still worth reading because it’s so freaking hot and I love the plot and just??? I don’t usually read fuckboy fics because fuckboys are the bane of human existence, but this fic is amazing and the smut is awesome. Also be prepared to not know who you’re rooting for. One second I would want Jimin to win the OC’s heart and the next I wanted Jeongguk to end up with her, so brace yourself for conflicting feelings.

Company (Namjoon x reader) by @fireheart-namjoon​: Sometimes all you want is a bit of company.

OKAY before I scream about the sessy stuff in this fic, I really want to say that I fucking loved Namjoon’s characterization in this and it’s so nice to read an OC who is strong and independent. The writing style is absolutely fantastic and the thigh riding was 100000/10.

Retrograde (Jeongguk x reader) by @remembeofantasy!au

When I read this I feel the way I do on rainy, dark days when I’m reading a book and just slip away into the world on the page. The details and the way this is written are so mesmerizing and I want to know more. You’re so swept away by everything that you completely forget about the reality for a little while.

A Roadtrip (Jeongguk x reader) by @taeinmycupJungkook makes your planned roadtrip to Busan a bit messy.

Road trip fics never get old and neither does the childhood-friends-to-lovers plot either. This was a wonderful fic to indulge in and um the frick frack is pretty damn nice. Just saying.

Sutures and Stitches (Jeongguk x reader) by @hayjeon​: hitman!jeongguk and medstudent!Y/N bestfriends!au; Jeongguk always shows up to your place or hospital whenever he gets hurt because you guys are best friends and you patch him up, but he has no idea that every time you stitch up his wounds, it tears open new wounds in your own heart.

I recently read this and I am OBSESSED. I refresh the OP’s page daily just to make sure I didn’t miss an update. The writing is so detailed and Jeongguk’s character is so interesting, I just want to know what the heck happens next + how Jeongguk ended up with this kind of life.

Chrysalism (Jimin x reader) by @workofteaguk: Bookstores have always lured you in with the promise of the quiet, the serene, and, most recently, him.

THIS IS THE SWEETEST FREAKING THING AND I WISH IT WERE LONGER. It made my entire day when I read it and I was smiling the entire time. Where do I have to go to find a cute boy like this???

It’s All Fun & Games (Jeongguk x reader) by @workofteagukIn which you and Jungkook attempt to fake a relationship for revenge and end up with a lot more than either of you expected.

When will fake relationship AUs not be the best thing in existence? The answer to that is never. I don’t care how many times people write this concept, it will always be so fun to read because of the angsty feels. So if you’re as trash for this as I am, then absolutely read this.

Sounds of You (Jimin/Jeongguk x reader) by @vivacioustae​: As a young girl you dreamt of hearing the bells, the ones that signaled you had found your soulmate, the missing piece everyone was so desperate to find. After falling in love with Jimin you abandoned the search, hoping you would come to never hear the bells, preferring to continue your life with him uninterrupted. You’d soon come to learn the harshness of fate, and that it doesn’t care about your hopes, feelings, or you.

Listen, from the very first sentence of this fic, I was completely hooked. From the get go you know that it’s going to mess with your emotions, but it’s worth it. I love this concept so much and my heart is aching reading this. After reading the first part, this fic is all I could think about and my heart ached because I wanted to know what was coming next, but also wasn’t prepared for it. Love love love this.

Teamwork (Taehyung x Seokjin x reader) by @sugajpgPeculiar events occur when the two best volleyball players of your college decide to take competitiveness out of the courts.

Best threesome fic I’ve read so far. I’m just. :’’’’’)) I’m still screaming. Fml this is too good and I feel the flames of hell licking my feet but screw it. Where do I sign up for this?

Like Crazy (Jimin x reader) by @war-of-hormoan: This story is based off the film by the same name.

Because I don’t care about my well-being in any way, I started this fic and I love it so much so far. The film Like Crazy is incredible, but it feels like you’ve been punched in the gut twenty times by the end, and it made me sob… like crazy. So this fic will probably end up doing that too and as nervous as I am for that, it’s so worth it. Everything is written so vividly and the relationship between Jimin and the OC is so sweet to read. I’m really excited to see how this progresses.

Grey Area (Yoongi x reader) by @blushoseoksAnd just like that, your fate was sealed - because Min Yoongi was absolutely going to destroy you. But hell, if you weren’t going to let him, or bask happily in the flames as he did so. And sadly, at the time, you didn’t think that your thoughts would become so literal.

THIS IS SO WELL WRITTEN. SO. WELL. WRITTEN. Ohmygod, I’m in love with this writing style and THE CONCEPT IS AMAZING. The ending of part one left me feeling like I’d been kicked in the gut or something and you’re all ???? wtf is going on??? and you’re completely hooked so you binge read the rest. This fic is perfection.

Until Next Time (Jimin x reader) by @taeverieWho would have guessed that a stranger you met through an online game would quickly escalate into a cyber fuck buddy?

OK OK OK UM LET ME GATHER MY THOUGHTS HERE. First off, how can I be the OC?? Second off, HOW CAN I BE THE OC???? I wouldn’t have the balls to actually be this forward in real life but still, this just kept escalating and they didn’t even really do the hanky panky but it was still hot as fuck and 10/10 would recommend.

Not So Honest (Jeongguk x reader) by @wonhopesJungkook has got a pretty big problem, and he desperately asks you for your help. 

Hi hello yes be prepared to explode ok this was TOO good oml. I’m also a slut for sub!jeongguk because that sinful man deserves to be tortured the way he tortures us so this was a glorious find (though the roles do reverse in the end but whatever THIS WAS GREAT).

Obey (Jimin x reader) by @sugasgrowl

sub!jimin. Must I say more? I spontaneously combusted like ten times while reading this and would gladly undergo that again because it’s so nice to read fics where the roles reversed and I would give up a limb to see Jimin in such a debauched state.

All To Myself (Jimin/Yoongi x reader) by @mint-tape: “It’s hard to be a vlogger when half your subscribers care more about your hot friends than you.”
- Y/N, from her April 23, 2016 vlog titled ‘Jimin shows his stupid abs 8 times (not clickbait)’

THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST CREATIVE FICS I HAVE EVER READ IN MY LIFE. All the ‘videos’ and the ‘comments’ and just everything about this is absolute perfection. The characters are all diverse and the OC is really likeable. Just. I’m glad I found this fic, it’s so unique and all these extra goodies make the read even more fun.

The Blue Notebooks (Jimin x reader) by @inktae: time travel au

Honestly, I don’t even know what to write about this because I’m still speechless. No words can capture how beautiful the writing is (all her work is beautiful) and how well emotion is captured in this. Everything is so thought out and all these little details come together to form the bigger picture. Do yourself a favour and read this as well as all the rest of the OP’s writing. She is so freaking talented and we are all blessed to be able to read her work.

…Sorry, that got ridiculously long. @_@ For member x reader fics I tend to read Jimin/Jeongguk focused stuff, if it’s not incredibly obvious… Oops. Am I Jimin biased or jiguk biased? Anyway. I hope this list helped and I’m sorry it took so long for me to respond, I just wanted to get through some of the fics I had saved in case I wanted to recommend them. Enjoy!

The Danger Of Red Lips // A Dylan O’Brien Smut

Relationship: Dylan O’Brien x Reader

Warnings: *cracks knuckles in preparation because this is tHE DIRTIEST SMUT I HAVE WRITTENNSFW, Explicit Sexual Content, Smut, Ice Play, Moan Play, Cum Play (Is that even a thing?) Oral (Both), “Creampie”, Facial Ejaculation, Titty Fucking, Dirty Talk, Overstimulation, Public-ish Sex, Unprotected Sex, So Much Teasing, Dom!Dylan but also Sub!Dylan, Swearing, and Dylan O’Brien is one kinky motherfucker.

Word Count: 8,835

Song: Drunk In Love by Beyoncé Ft. Jay-Z

A/N: I was in the mood to write something absolutely filthy without any real plot so … this happened. I really think it’s the dirtiest fic I have ever written, I did not hold back at all. Thank you to @stilinski-jpeg for proofreading. This is pure porn y’all, enjoy! And ladies never underestimate the power of red lipstick, put it on and conquer the world.

P.s. I couldn’t decide between these two gifs, so I just put both.

Chewing on my lips until they became swollen, I tried my hardest to concentrate on my work on the table front of me which soon became long forgotten as I felt a warm and comforting hand settling on my shoulder. Looking behind me, I see a smiling Dylan as one of his hands began beautifully massaging my shoulder and his other hand held something behind his back. My eyes were too focused on his skillful massage to care about what he was hiding. His long fingers rubbing at just the perfect amount of pressure, my chest involuntarily sighing in pure bliss. The veins on Dylan’s hand were what attracted me the most, my body feeling this sudden need to trace them with my tongue.

Without a single word pushing past his lips, Dylan pulls out what he’s hiding and hands it to me. I furrow my eyebrows in confusion, but mostly intrigue, as I take the tube of lipstick he was holding and examine it in my own hand. His free one moves to my unattended shoulder and, now with both hands, he expertly massages my tense shoulders. I stare back up at him, my mind more confused than it’s ever been.

“Why did you just give me one of my lipsticks?” I asked, my head cocking to the side.

“Put it on.” Dylan nodded towards it.

“What?” I chuckled slightly. “Why?”

“Just do it.”

“Okay, but why?” I pressed.

“Don’t you trust me?” My husband shrugged, challenging me. “Just put on the lipstick, kitten.”

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

MC bringing home RFA (and V &Saeran) S.O. to meet their family over the holidays?

Tis the season!! ⋆ᗰદ૨૨ʏ⋆ᐠ₍⁽˚⑅̆˚⁾₎ᐟ⋆ᘓમ૨ıડτന੨ડ⋆

~I’ll base some of the things on Christmas since it is the holiday I know the most about


◉ Yoosung 

  • Not nervous at all?
  • Just suuuper excited to meet them, honestly
  • The week before you guys left, he was dragging you through the mall asking a billion questions about what your family likes and what to buy each of them 
  • Took almost a whole day making sure he wrapped them beautifully and was so excited when everyone opened and loved their gifts 
  • WILL GO THROUGH ALL YOUR  BABY PHOTO ALBUMS AND FAWN OVER EVERY PICTURE WITH YOUR FAMILY 
  • Fits in like he’s known your family for years 
    • “You guys know you can’t trade me for Yoosung, right?” 
  • They urge you both to kiss underneath the mistletoe and then take pictures when you finally do
  • You both are blushing like crazy 
  • Yoosung always making sure to help with dishes and even gets up early to start breakfast for everyone 
  • (they’re so shocked and happy about that)
  • Your family is so sad when it’s time for you both to leave 

◉ Jumin 

  • Laughs when you ask if he is nervous 
    • “Should I be? I think I’m actually quite likable, wouldn’t you agree?”
  • He still makes sure you both are dressed in very nice clothes and he has expensive gifts from his company to give to everyone 
  • Can’t stop talking about how much he absolutely loves you??????
  • It’s honestly embarrassing but your family is eating it up because he is saying all these lovey-dovey things with the upmost seriousness 
  • EVERYONE LOVES ELIZABETH 3RD AND SHE LOVES THEM
  • She is LIVING for all of the attention she is getting 
  • Is already planning family trips around the world 
  • Tries to show your parents photos of your guys’ travels but they’re all terrible and blurry and your family just has to smile and nod 
  • Asking questions like crazyyy 
    • “What are these…socks, hanging here for? What is their purpose?”
    • “What is this eggnog? Quite the peculiar taste, but not disagreeable.”
    • “I don’t understand the origin of the tree, but Elizabeth 3rd seems to enjoy playing in it. We should get one for the penthouse.”
  • It actually became a new family game where everyone picks something and bets on whether Jumin will know what it is or not 
  • And Jumin loves the game so much 

◉ Zen 

  • BALL of NERVES
  • He changes outfits like 17 times before he finds something he is comfortable wearing in front of your family 
  • Praying like hell they have never seen any of his stuff/don’t know who he is, he wants to meet your family as someone they don’t have preconceived notions about 
  • Holds your hand the whole trip there, for comfort 
  • When you arrive, he is the pinnacle of calm and polite (but you can tell he is nervous by the random, almost undetectable fidgeting he does)
  • Mostly he just tries to be himself, and your family adores him
  • He is taking photos with EVERYONE 
  • Christmas filters with antlers and santa hats and you all are laughing so hard 
  • King of playing charades when it’s family game time 
  • How many times can you hear the joke “What’s such a handsome man like that doing with someone like you??” they probably broke the record for it 
  • But Zen is at your side every time, explaining how HE is the lucky one 
  • And everyone just goes “Awwwwww” when he kisses the top of your head 
  • Everyone is blown away when he sings along to the holiday songs on the radio and even more blown away that he could play piano and lead everyone in the songs 
    • “You didn’t tell them we ride a motorcycle….right?”
    • “Zen, for the 100th time, no. They’d kill us both.

◉ Jaehee 

  • A bit nervous but for the most part, collected 
  • She’s planned the entire trip, packed the correct number and type of outfits for you both, looked at the weather forecast, and grabbed appropriate gifts for everybody 
  • Okay maybe she’s a bit more nervous than you thought because that’s when she starts planning like a crazy person
  • LOOKS SO CUTE IN UGLY CHRISTMAS SWEATERS IT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL 
  • Your family loves her, she is so intelligent and can have a conversation with anyone on just about anything 
  • Offers to bake christmas cookies as a thank you and your family decides she is never allowed to leave because they are SO GOOD 
  • Shows your family self defense moves 
  • It’s such a relief that they can feel safe that you’re with someone so capable as her after seeing her throw your dad across the room LOL
  • Ends up baking all of the desserts for the entirety of your stay because everyone loves them so much 
  • You guys decorate ornaments together and get embarrassed when your family keeps making remarks on how cute you two are together 

◉ Saeyoung 

  • Says he is totally fine but on the inside he’s screaming
  •  He has NO CLUE how to act in family environments and he wants to make a good impression 
  • On top of the fact that he’s never been a fan of holidays 
  • Gets strangely reserved and you have to kinda pull him out of it 
  • When he first meets them he is so not like himself
  • Quiet, awkward
  • As time goes on he starts to warm up and get comfortable 
  • Gets really teary-eyed when he sees his name on presents under the tree and a stocking for him next to yours 
    • “They…did this for me?
    • “Well, of course! You’re family now,” you smile and grab his hand 
  • After that he starts to really dig the whole holiday tradition thing 
  • eats SO MANY COOKIES 
    • “I wonder if we can bake honey buddha chip cookies and dip them into PHD Pep-”
    • “Saeyoung NO”
  • Surprises everyone by dressing up as Santa and handing out the presents on Christmas Morning 

◉ V

  • All he wants is to meet your family, so he is thrilled when he finally gets the chance
  • Right away he thanks your family for raising such an amazing and beautiful person 
  • FAMILY PORTRAITS TAKEN BY V 
  • Captures everyones hearts with his flowery way of speaking and plethora of life experiences 
  • AND with how much he adores you 
  • So observant and attentive, he is grabbing things for your family members before they even ask or cleaning up before they can even notice 
  • No matter how much you try to stop it, this boy is getting every single story about you growing up and what you were like
  • Also asks to borrow photos and videos of you as a child so he can make copies because he loves you so much and he loves them so much  
  • You didn’t even know he snuck in gifts for everybody but he did and somehow they’re all perfect??? How??
  • Over Christmas dinner he brings out several bottles of champagne and offers a wonderful toast to your families hospitality and again thanks them for bringing the love of his life into this world 
  • He blends in so well 
  • And he wishes he could just sit there forever around all the people you hold closest to your heart, listening to them laugh and talk about old times 

◉ Saeran 

  • Much like Saeyoung, he is crazy nervous
  • But also crazy stubborn and doesn’t want it to show 
  • Puts on a Christmas sweater before you head over 
    • “I look stupid.”
    • “Nooo! You look so cute and handsome! They’re going to love it, and they’re going to love you.” 
  • When you first arrive he’s a lot like a lost puppy and he doesn’t quite understand what to do and how tradition works 
  • B-lines it to the sweets 
  • He is literally never without a cookie or candy cane in his hand
  • So much so that he becomes the honorary family taste-tester for the baked goods 
  • Will NOT share the bowl or spoon when he gets to lick them and only sticks his tongue at you when you call him rude 
    • “Honey, leave Saeran alone. Let him enjoy his treats, it’s Christmas!” 
    • Saeran:  ;P
  • Can’t decide if he likes eggnog but he hasn’t stopped drinking it since you got there so that must be a good sign 
  • Brought Poinsettias as a gift 
  • Your family kinda loves that he doesn’t really speak much 
  • Laughs at your old embarrassing photos and you have to smack his arm playfully 
    • “Tell me more about that time you peed your pants”
    • “Saeran I swear to god.”

———–

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Thank you for reading!

Distraction

 Request: Emmett finds this girl on the side of the street broken and abused. He takes her to Carlisle and Carlisle fixes her up, but Emmett becomes like a protector for her because he’s drawn to her. (Maybe a parent abusing her, lots of angst) Then her and Emmett get super close and become inseparable and at first it’s friendly but one night she walks in on Emmett taking a shower or something, and I’ll let you take it from there lol (but make it smutty please)

Pairing: Emmett x reader 

Warnings: Smut, abuse ment. slight injury 

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february 2017 - dan and phil

2/12

first week (1-7): still up on the isle of man for phil’s birthweek! phil goes on a pleasant walk on the beach. accompaniment confirmed by dan howell (and martyn and cornelia). dan fell or something while trying to be an aesthetic hoe (a sprained wrist and knee? sorry my honeybee). dan posts another pic from iom and i don’t know why i’m crying in the club right now? (also he posted a flop of it on twitter…whatever). phil liveshow! (highlights: birthday present haul includes cool shoes from martyn, sock book, rewined candle, cool beetle jumper from parents, sushi gummies from dan (nostalgia from tatinof uk), firefly on blu-ray, terrarium, big lava lamp from dan, basically just spent a lot of time walking on the seaside and stuff for his bday celebrations, dan falling was hilarious and also genuinely concerning, “He’s a tall guy so it’s a long way to fall,” magic 8 ball predicted that a dog is on the horizon ???!!!!???!!!, if he does anything interesting he’ll do more day in the lifes??!!!!?!). another seaside walk picture plz stop. new gaming video: Dan vs. Phil: QUICK DRAW! phil gives us a relaxing video of the lava lamp dan gave him. nailbaiting occurred by phil. dan and nathan zed interacted and i ascended. phil takes pictures of dan a lot and dan likes posting them (aka dan lays on the floor trying to script). new danisnotonfire video: MY EVIL PIANO TEACHER (aka dan playing the piano thank god). phil still has jingle bells stuck in his head. dan liveshow! (highlights: sweaty and sensual dan ://, they help each other film because setting up tripods is for losers when you have your own person, they cried laughing filming the piano video, dan was excited about this sext marcus butler sent him from this video but then realized it was a joke, phil’s birthday week has extended until forever, dan dramatically fell and talked about it for five minutes, has hamilton tickets, he might rebrand to Dan Howell on youtube wow plz, he went to the dentist :/). 

second week (8-15): dan and phil hang out with zoe and meerkats as her wish for make a wish foundation! new gaming video: IS IT PAINFUL TO DIE?! - Dan and Phil play Google Feud #2. phil liveshow! (highlights: dan got phil a signed nude of david boreanaz, when they saw manchester by the sea a man tripped into dans popcorn oops, wow! there were three gas leaks in their house! it’s like the universe is trying to say something! *cough* move, if there are more gas leaks they will have to leave the house for three weeks and they would probs go on holiday…japan plz.., phil has pretty houseplants with pretty flowers, he bought a fluffy coat, loved the meerkats, petbaiting). cute australia pic (i wish i was that kanga). new phil icon which has effectively made me dead? (also accompanying pic) new gaming video: DIL GETS A FREEZE RAY. dan gets wet and sticky with phil in phils bedroom. new amazingphil video: Dan and Phil PASTEL EDITS IN REAL LIFE! (i dont know how to feel? i have been overwhelmed). also dan calls phil hubby but like not really but also really and… why. phil wishes us a happy valentines day with a sloth. dan liveshow! (highlights: i don’t really know dan destroyed gender roles and wore a grey wig and a flower crown and tried to scrape off his tattoos just watch the video plz). another australia selfie :( another belated birthday meal for phil but he ate moss that was attached to his drink (is he just gonna keep turning 30 forever jeez). 

third week (16-23): phil’s parents come to london to visit (no phil liveshow) but during their next liveshows they confirm they saw book of mormon again with the in-laws *cough* parents. new gaming video: IS THIS THE END? Dan and Phil play THE IMPOSSIBLE QUIZ! #6 (twas a good one). there are seagulls outside phil’s windows (side note: hector aka shitty watercolour made a painting of it and the livestream of it was good not that anyone cares). phil spent his weekend watching time lapses of cats when they are home alone. dan threw an entire salad out (aka his agenda to force phil to eat pizza and not get healthy even though phil has signed up for the gym and gone jogging i hate him). new gaming video: HORSE BOYFRIEND SIMULATOR?! - Dan and Phil play: My Horse Prince. phil is a bad lurker irl #confirmed as he tried to watch a couple argue but it didn’t work out that well. dan said chicken instead of ordering coffee at starbucks and now he can’t go to that one anymore. also on the same day someone spotted dan and phil out on a bus wow. dan and phil were watching a property show (moving? stay woke) and saw their merch. dan liveshow! (highlights: pastel beanie: on, curly hair: worn, dick: out, i am forcibly removed from the liveshow, he said chicken because of the cow and chicken theme song stuck in his head what a weirdo, he has a cheeky idea for a video thats important but not really and he doesnt know if hes ready :), he has realized he could murder someone because he just spaces out aka the salad event, they forgot to paint their nails and put in earrings for the pastel edits video wow thats great, asmr, he loves moonlight thank god, he and phil play sing star and are only good at toxic and muse, his reblogs on tumblr don’t mean anything, he had a very long shower). phil keeps buying weird things for their home. phil liveshow! (highlights: storm doris, had a haircut in his house again and it goes without saying dan got one too, liveshow haul, he froze younow is philphobic, seven exo planets and countless universes! phil is so smart, final fantasy is too long for dapg, excited for the oscars, and then that’s it because phil likes to keep his liveshows short). 

week four (24-28): oops i counted the days wrong this week is too short, dan is a sad pimp, new gaming video: BATTLE OF THE BALLS - Dan vs. Phil: Golf With Friends. phil had a cozy day and ate cookies. dan believes moonlight should win for best film as it is the most important (thenks dan howell for my life). phil tries to stay up for the oscars but fails and dan lets us all know. “at least i didn’t fuck up as hard as the 2017 oscars envelope guy”, new gaming video: DIL BURNS THE PANCAKES - Dan and Phil Play: Sims 4 #36, dan didn’t have a liveshow because younow was broken

a nice month. what in februation

3

hey my lovely dear friends, human or otherwise 😺🐶 I was lucky enough to receive an early access code from EA for the new cats & dogs expansion!! big thanks going out to EA!

so, without any further ado, I am so excited to share with you my take on the highly anticipated addition of our furry friends into the sim world. join your girl blarf as I take on my first day in Brindleton Bay! 

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Last Game Summary *MAJOR SPOILERS*

MAJOR SPOILERS! If you don’t want to be spoiled about Last Game just don’t read this. Also, for those who are gonna spazz and post about the summary PLEASE DON’T SPOIL FOR OTHERS WHO DON’T WISH TO BE SPOILED. (There are people trust me). If you are gonna post about Last Game please use the hashtag #last game spoilers so people can block it. Thank you.

The show I went to had the liveviewing for the seiyuu greetings as well so I’ll write a bit of that after this.

Now if you want to be spoiled, please continue!!

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Young Justice Batmom: Part 8

AN: It has been forever and a day since I last updated this. I love how it turned out and I’m happy this got voted number one! For those of you who don’t know I held a poll on twitter to decide which series update I should post to day and YJ Batmom won! Make sure to follow me on twitter for more polls, and previews! Click Here to go to my twitter!

This chapter is dedicated to @audreythetealovingcat she’s been working on some super top secret stuff for me, and It’ll be going live soon! Thank you again so much, you continue to astound me!

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7


    You complete the obstacle course without throwing up, which in your book… is a win. Especially since you’d thrown up the last two times you’d done it. If your father could see you now he’d be screaming.

           Years of physical training had gone down the drain in the years since you’d left your father’s organization and married Bruce. You’d never thought you’d have to fight again, and yet … here you were.

           “You’re getting better.”

           You crack open an eye to stare at your son, he’s balancing on his hands, on top of a ball. For a minute, you consider the possibility of him being part seal. You dismiss this as you heave your upper body into a sitting position. “I’m too old for this stuff.”

           Dick cracks a grin, “You’re in your twenties.”

           You nod, “My point exactly. That, and the fact that my husband is a task master.”

           Your eyes slide over to your husband. He’s standing in the corner writing notes on a clipboard. He glances at you for a second before writing something else down. Then without looking at you he says, “You’re the one who wanted to get back in fighting shape. I told you I wouldn’t go easy on you, and compared to Ra’s, I’m a freaking walk in the park. Now then, let’s go again.”

           You stare at him, “I want a divorce.”

           Dick slumps onto your back, and wraps his arms around your neck, before asking, “I can live with you, right? And Alfred will come with us, right?”

           Bruce smiles at the two of you before dropping the clipboard and rushing both of you. It’s instinct that has you hopping to your feet. Dick’s legs wrap around your waist, and then you’re running.

           You’re at the disadvantage, and you know it. You’re out of shape, and carrying a thirteen-year-old boy on your back. It’s honestly amazing that you last as long as you do. Bruce takes both of you down while taking the brunt of the fall.

           The three of you collapse in a laughing heap and just lay there. Dick is sandwiched in-between the two of you when he laughs, “We should do this more often.”

           You sigh, “Some families do a game night.”

           Bruce and Dick look at each other for a minute before shaking their heads and saying, “Nah.”

           You roll your eyes and hop to your feet, “Well I am going to go take a shower.”

           Bruce sits up, “What are you talking about, you still have laps to do. You didn’t beat your obstacle course time.”

           You glare at him, “You want to go back to being a billionaire playboy, don’t you?”

           “If he knows what’s good for him, he won’t even entertain that thought.” Alfred says as he enters the gym. “I worked long and hard to put the idea of lifelong companionship in his mind, and I refuse to go back to bimbos walking around in his dress shirts.”

           You glance at your husband, “When the hell did that happen? We got together when we were twenty. After you’d been training for two years.”

           Bruce winces, “I was sixteen, and he was supposed to be gone for the entire weekend.”

           Alfred rolls his eyes, “Like I was going to be that stupid.”

           You stare at your husband, and he stares back, before he says, “How about I forget about the laps, and we stay married.”

           You smile, “Okay, but only for Alfred’s sake.” You lean down and kiss your husband, when you pull back you whisper in his ear, “And maybe a bit for my own as well.”

           He pulls you back down for another kiss, before whispering, “Do you want some company?”

           You glance over at Dick who’s on the parallel bars, “Well we certainly wouldn’t be missed.”

           You grin at each other when the alarm goes off. He growls and you frown. Dick dismounts and simply says, “Let’s go guys.”

    You and Dick head straight for the Mountain while Bruce changes into his gear. You don’t bother with the mask or changing. At this point, the secret’s out, and you could not care less. You watch your son spar with Kaldur, and you find the Artemis at your side a moment later.

    “Hi Mrs. Wayne.”

    You smile at the girl, “Hello, Artemis.”

    The archer smiles back, “Why do you look like you’ve spent the morning getting your butt kicked.”

    You sigh, “Because I live with bullies, and I am waaay out of practice.”

    Artemis chuckles and takes a seat next to you, “So it’s possible to lose the skills, then?”

    You shrug, “I wish that were the case. Instead it seems to be more along the lines of they’re in hibernation. Then I find myself pinned and they seem to wake up a little at a time, and then my body just moves.”

    “Self preservation wins out.”

    You nod, “It would seem so.”

    There’s a moment of silence before she asks, “So does this mean you’re joining the Team or the League?”

    You snort out a laugh, “Neither. I’m a reserve member. I only go if they need me.”

    “Do you have a costume?”

    Your eye twitches, “I don’t do tights.”

    She laughs as Bruce enters, and you follow the kids to the command center. By the end of the briefing your eye is twitching, and you’re radiating anger. No one seems willing to approach you, with the exception of Bruce, and even he seems hesitant.

    “Y/N,” He says slowly.

    “Don’t you dare try to keep me from going, Bruce Wayne.” He winces at the use of his name.

    He tries again, “Y/N…”

    “I hate that damn clown, I hate him with everything I have. He needs to be put down, and I don’t want my kids near him.” Bruce stares at you, and your eyes narrow, “What?”

    “Two things. One we don’t kill, and two when did we get ‘kids’? Last time I checked we had a kid. Singular, not plural.”

    You roll your eyes, “The minute I became den mother those kids became ours. I’ve already dealt with the Joker hurting Dick once, I refuse to see it happen again.”

    “He knows the risk. We all do.”

    “He’s thirteen Bruce.”

    “And what could you do at thirteen?”

    “That’s a different situation.”

    “How?”

    “I was raised by an immortal psychopath who thought it was fun to pit his children against each other.”

    Bruce hesitates for a minute, “What would you suggest?”

    “Send two of the League with them, and I can help the League.”

    Bruce stares at you, “You’ve only been training for …”

    “My whole life Bruce. I’ve been training for my entire life. I’m rusty, I won’t deny that, but I can help take down some plants.”

    He stares at you in contemplation, before sighing. Then he lifts his finger to his earpiece and says, “There’s been a change of plans, Hell Cat and I are going with the Team.” There’s a moment of silence before he barks back, “Of course I’m sure. I’d be next to useless against giant plants. Batman out.”

    You smile at him before leaning in to kiss him, “I’ll go suit up.”

    Dick is less thrilled than you are by the news. “I can’t believe my parents are going on a mission with me! I’m thirteen, I don’t need a babysitter.

    You scoff from your seat in the bio ship, “Richard Grayson, get your temper tantrum under control now, or you can wait in the ship.”

    His head turns to stare at you with the use of his full name, “MOM!”

    You raise an eyebrow, and stare back before he relents and slumps into his seat, “Let’s get one thing straight. The minute I became den mother you all became my kids. This mission is an active fight against high level villains, and I’ll be damned if I let some stupid clown hurt my kids.”

    The kids turn to face you, a bit surprised by your declaration, but no one protests. There’s several moments of silence before Bruce says, “Looks like your days of being an only child are over kid.” There’s a stunned silence before the ship bursts out in laughter.

    The mission is hard, and by the end you want nothing to do with swamps, bugs, or plants ever again. In fact, you’re even considering sabotaging Alfred’s ficus. But you consider it worth it to see Bruce punch out the clown, especially after he went after your baby with a knife.

    “Wow those mosquitos really did a number on you.” Artemis smirks.

    You try to resist the urge to scratch one of the numerous bites on your skin, “Yeah, I can’t leave the house without being doused in bug spray during the summer. Mosquitoes flock to me.”

    “You need a better suit.”

    “Oh, I have ideas for that!” M’Gann calls from the other side of the room. And before you know it the rest of the kids are all pitching in their ideas, before Kaldur says loudly, “Perhaps we should let our mother have some say.”

    You blink owlishly for a moment before, M’Gann says, “Well, Mom?”

    Artemis nudges you with her elbow, “Aunt Y/N?”

    Wally and Dick grin at you, and then Conner too asks, “Mom?”

    You glance at Bruce over their heads and he smiles at you. Smiling you open your arms and say, “We’ll talk about it later. For now, group hug!”

    Then you’re surrounded by your kids. You glance at Dick who’s hanging off your back, and he simply smiles and says, “I guess we’re one big happy family now.”

    You smile and say, “You’re still my baby.”

    He just groans.

imagine haikyuu characters in the pokemon universe for a sec

like holy shit this thought just came to me

YOUR RIVAL
Game rivals would be Hinata/Kageyama, doing the whole dual rivalry like what happened with Cheren and Bianca in B/W. Sometimes, one might act like a psuedo-rival and give the main player stuff
(ie. Hinata: “Hey, [f/n]! Uh, I wanted to thank you for helpin’ me out there… so… here! Have this!” [Obtained a max revive]” or alt.
Kageyama: “Are you an idiot?! Going into the forest with your Pokemon in that shape will only have you heading to the Pokecenter! Here, I’ll heal them up.”)

both are super proud of each other’s progress low-key and they both high-key really wanna beat ushijima.

THE PROFESSOR
Coach Ukai, because there’s always been something between the mom of the game and the professor i know it he inherited the title after his old man, the genius professor, retired.

Professor Assistants
Shimizu Kiyoko and Yachi Hitoka. Shimizu’s about to go out and become a proper trainer, so she gets Yachi to fill in her spot while she’s gone.

THE EIGHT GYM LEADERS (in order!)

Tanaka - the fighting type gym leader. wANTS TO SHOW YOU ALL HOW TO RESPECT A REAL GYM LEADER, DAMMIT. when you’re beat he’s just like “wow not bad i didn’t expect that from you but pssht don’t get cocky” (also knows you’re good and have potential and thinks you may become champion). PERSONALLY LEADS YOU TO THE NEXT CITY, all just so he can see noya-san, the returning gym leader.

Nishinoya - the FIRE TYPE GYM LEADER BECAUSE LOOK RYUU!! FIRE!!! HAHAHAHAH. these two definitely make the strongest start to a video game. like, ever. very loud, and energetic. 

Tsukishima - the poison-type gym leader, actually? i dunno i just can’t see him trying too hard, so he’s only the third. still, he has lots of potential (that half of the elite 4, kuroo and bokuto respectively, recognize–which leads to constant pestering from their part), and despite only being the third gym leader, if unprepared, his poison affects are devastating to newcomers. 

Asahi - the game’s lovely high-strung steel type, with nerves that DO NOT MATCH. gets super nervous before a match, and although he does very well and is very strong and gets more motivated as the match goes on (and holy crap if this guy had a legendary pokemon it’d be regigigas or something because of the slow start ability RESONATING from this guy). visited often by nishinoya, who often complains about asahi’s nervous demeanor.
also want one point where they have to fight the enemy team of the game and they buddy up and defeat them because hey who doesn’t want a sprinkle of asanoya in their life

Iwaizumi - the rock type gym leader. sorry, it didn’t even take me long to decide on this. His last name literally comes with the word rock in the first character pls. Combined with his steadfast personality, it works perfectly. When you beat him he just asks for you to kick shittykawa’s ass. Even tells you his pokemon type and starts telling you his pokemon and their dreadful moves until he’s cut off by some random plot device.

Akaashi - i honestly can’t help but say he’d be the ghost-type gym leader. he doesn’t put his gym in a freaking cemetery or have ghosts wander around, but he’s actually rather nice about it all and takes pity on the ghosts because seriously have you read some of their pokedex entries yeesh. his signature pokemon would be a drifblim, because of the dual flying/ghost nature. it’s his favourite, and it’s bokuto’s favourite, too. loved by many, and goes out of his way to help out even the most dramatic pokemon. maybe you’d meet him if there were a rogue ghost in the city, causing damage, and akaashi walks up and helps it calm down (almost the same way he does with bokuto)

Sugawara - i really wanted to make sugawara the nurse, but in the end i feel like he’d be a really strong grass-type gym leader. the healing thing still came to me though, so i’d see it as a strong type with annoying healing abilities. right when you’re about to defeat his pokemon, he hits you up with ingrain or synthesis and saves by a sliver, making the battle that much harder.
another thought was that at the end of the game he’s actually offered to become an elite 4 but so is kageyama. he’s been a gym leader for a long time, but steps down so kageyama can have it.

Kenma - surprisingly, (or maybe unsurprisingly) the psychic-type gym leader. as the final gym leader before the elite 4, he’s really strong and definitely has a good grasp on all the types of moves there are (stats, inflicting damage, reducing, as well as extra effects) and even accounts for the type weaknesses. often hangs out with kuroo and grows to be friends with your rival hinata. although kuroo never lets him explicitly state that he’s the dark type elite 4, it’s implied. refuses to become an elite 4 personally, because it’s already too much effort being a gym leader. 

THE ELITE FOUR

Daichi - the grounded leader is now the ground-type elite 4! has really strong and nice pokemon. hangs with suga. i don’t know why, but i’d imagine that they garden, since he’s the ground-type elite 4 and suga’s the grass-type gym leader. at the very least, his area has flowers growing somewhere in homage to their friendship.
idea was that he steps down from being an elite 4 to go focus on other things and become stronger, allowing suga to become one. read suga’s section for more.

Kuroo - dark-type elite four! debated on fire vs dark for a loooong time, but couldn’t help but see dark as the strongest feature. plus they’re badass, so kuroo would def brag about that to bokuto. First seen talking to Kenma at his gym, saying that he should hurry up and become an Elite 4 member already, since he already knows he’s qualified enough.

Oikawa - water-type elite 4. probably the most well-rounded elite 4 in terms of stats, with pokemon that can heal and attack strong and defend well and everything. wants to become champion (beat ushiwaka), but realizes he has to get stronger before doing that. really playful. his identity is not kept secret at ALL the entire game, as he has his own radio channel about him with water pokemon (looking cute while using cute pokemon to gain fans) and iwaizumi namedrops him earlier on during his battle.
(lowkey inspired by ao3 superpower haikyuu fanfic, “baby, i can give you wings” by Metis_Ink, which is wonderful and can be read here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2185851)

Bokuto - THE FLYING-TYPE ELITE 4. I don’t know why but i can’t imagine him taking the battle completely seriously and just doing some dumbass strategy that proves to be super broken. Something like Drayden from BW2, with some stupid dialogue like “AAARGH JUST WAIT FOR THE FINAL ATTACK!!! IT’LL BE AWESOME!” while doing 2-3 stat-raising moves or charging moves and then one broken ability that does a shit ton of damage. Kinda like the papyrus we never got in undertale. Alternately, a one-hit K.O. move. Gets super depressed when defeated, and can be seen after at a cafe with Akaashi, complaining.

THE CHAMPION
This would undoubtedly be the prodigy we all know and love, Ushijima Wakatoshi. Trained since a kid, and worked really hard. A good champion, and definitely worthy of the title. 

OTHER APPEARANCES
Takeda-sensei - the ‘mom’ of the game. Not an actual Pokemon trainer, but wishes the best for the main character when they go off, making sure they’re well-prepared and researching enough to send them off with a smile. (also dropping by with occasional “hey, hope you’re doing okay!”s) while you’re on your journey.

Lev - while you’re with kenma’s gym (with a visiting kuroo), there’s a little unskippable side-quest where Lev begs kenma to teach him how to catch pokemon, much to kenma’s annoyance. kuroo eventually defeats all his pokemon (doing something like beating a level 6 pidgey with a level 60 hydreigon, or trolling him by pulling out a lvl 60 zoroark that’s disguised as a small grass-type), but teaches lev good lessons in the process.
is also trying to be taught by Yaku, an actual experienced ace trainer who just can’t help but be annoyed at Lev. 

Yamaguchi - some guy at the beginning of the game who shows you how to use pokemon and stuff. he’s either a normal-type trainer or a fairy-type trainer, or at least has an affinity with those two.

Boss

Negan x reader

Words: 3400

Warnings: this is a grown up story for grown ups only, smut, rough and dominant Negan (just the way I like him), no cuddles here folks, hairpulling.

Beta: the amazingly talented @manawhaat

AN: So I started writing this a million years ago for a challenge @flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash held, but alas life got the better of me and it never made it to the finish line. My prompt was hairpulling.

Originally posted by puhhleaseyouknowmysteez

Negan stood behind you as you tried your hardest at keeping focus on the task at hand, polishing your firearm. He was close enough to smell over the odour of the gun oil in your hand. You’d thought he’d smell different, that he’d be all walker stench and worn leather, but no. He smelled nice, clean, which was a rare commodity in this day and age. It juxtaposed nicely to the darkness in him, that very darkness you were trying not to get pulled into and seduced by. Why did he have to be so damn charming? The flirtation between the two of you had gone from timid and playful to intense and all consuming over the span of the last few weeks. Needless to say, going on runs with him had grown to be quite difficult because of it. Especially since you’d never gone all the way and released the bottled up tension and electricity.

“You have any idea how fucking sexy you look doing that?” He was close enough now for you to feel his warm breath ghost across your cheek as he spoke.

“Keep it in you pants, boss.” You chuckled and screwed the top on the oil, shooting him half a glance as to say don’t be a dick. You were flattered, but this was no time for him to be hitting on you. You both had a job to do and you did not need to get even more flustered before heading out there to kill walkers.

“Be my wife,” he hissed in your ear, the deep rasp of his voice sending shivers down your spine. “I’m sick of these fucking games.”

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Being Tony Stark’s Daughter and Dating Pietro Maximoff would include...

So I kinda had two requests from this (anon) but one asked for sister!stark. I decided to put them together because recently the little sister stark thing has been troubling me because ages are really weird and ik some people don’t care but it’s really hard to write little sister stark when this stuff is stuck in your head. BUT ANYWAYS.

“Hey could you do a being tony Starks daughter dating pietro would include pls lmao ?? Love your blog btw 😂💕 (if u could include reader being on the avengers would be v v nice m8y)” AND “being tony stark’s little sister (and falling for either pietro or steve) would include….?”

Here we are

Tony Stark / Headcanon Masterlists

  • Tony didn’t want you in the Avengers, he was worried about your safety
  • But you always found a way to help out
  • Either you were watching over them, or out in the field with them…Tony just didn’t always know
  • Sometimes you would hack into nearby cameras to watch over them and guide them with their comms
  • But sometimes you get into your Iron Daughter suit that Tony didn’t know you made
  • He gave in and realized you weren’t going to give up. He would rather you be safe about it than not…so he let you join the team, as much as he didn’t want you to
  • that only meant you got closer to the entire time
  • Especially the new recruits
  • You quickly became friends with Wanda and Pietro
  • Tony was not happy
  • He liked Wanda, she was mature
  • But Pietro is different. He has a different way of talking to people, and it didn’t right with Tony.
  • Pietro is a flirt, and Tony doesn’t like the fact the two of you are nearly the same age.
  • Ultron was a tough fight, and it almost killed Pietro. But with your brain, Banner’s brain, and Helen Cho’s brain, there was a way to save him. 
  • His recovery was speedy (no pun intended), after everything was stabilized so he was able to get back out there
  • He was so thankful that he got to live on like there was no way to repay the three who saved him
  • But at least he could spend time with you
  • It started friendly at first- you weren’t looking for a relationship and you figured he was a flirt to everyone, so you didn’t let it phase you
  • You two became good friends. You’d watch movies together, play games, spar, literally do everything together
  • But it progressed quickly
  • Pietro never gave up on sweeping you off your feet, but he knew you weren’t looking for anything, so he didn’t push it
  • BUT THEN you had a dream about him
  • and about how much you really liked him and his presence
  • so it bugged you for like two weeks and you couldn’t get him off your mind
  • and finally you gave into your feelings, realizing you wanted him as more than a friend
  • You walked up to him one day after his scheduled training and said “Hey, wanna go out on a date with me? Like for real.”
  • HE WAS STUNNED
  • he thought he was dreaming so, naturally, he squealed out a yes
  • the date was lovely
  • it was like hanging out as the friends you are
  • but with more kissing
  • You two went to dinner then walked around the city and yeah there was a lot more kissing than when you were just friends
  • It felt right, as cheesy as it sounds
  • But you knew Tony would disapprove, so you had two choices:
    • Date in secret
    • or tell Tony and face his wrath
  • After talking about it and going on a few more dates, it was in your best interest to just tell him. keeping it a secret would only end you in more trouble.
    • “Hey, dad, so um I have something really important to tell you: pietroandiaredating”
    • “That’s what this is about? Oh, I know. You guys are really bad at keeping these dates a secret, I had a bet going with Bruce to see how long until you told us all about it. My guess was at least two years, damn, I now owe him a hundred bucks.”
    • “yOU KNEW?”
    • “yep. i have contemplated killing maximoff a few times but i really wanted to see how this would play out. and now that i knowwwwww………”
    • “please don’t kill him.”
  • Tony was never really 100% okay with it, but he was living. 
  • He couldn’t go the rest of his life disapproving of what makes his daughter happy
  • And it was nice to see that you two know when to stay all business and to keep your personal stuff off the battlefield.
  • He was just happy he didn’t have to listen to you two flirt over the comms
  • because you’re responsible
  • most of the time
  • Tony gets scared every time you say “hey pietro and I have to talk to you”
  • he always thinks you got pregnant 
  • but really all you want is a trampoline i mEAN LOOK AT HOW MUCH FUN THEY ARE
  • he bought you one out of happiness it’s not a grandchild he thinks its too early in the relationship for you two to be parents
  • Tony did not like Pietro. Tony still does not like Pietro. But Tony does like seeing you smile and being happy. Tony just wishes Pietro will continue to make you smile like that.
  • Or he has his suit ready
BTS scenario: he spends too much time on his phone

BTS scenario: he spends too much time on social media

Scenario: #1 
Requested: Nope
Members: ALL

Little author’s note: This will be my first scenario ever on here so I’m quite nervous. Also this is based on this song



Seokjin: 

It had been going on for a couple of weeks now and yet you didn’t think anything about it at first, your boyfriend was a star so he must keep in contact with his fans. When you did start to worry was when you came back from a day with friends and saw the house the way you left it: netflix on without movies playing, food untouched, Jin’s hands glued to the phone.

He didn’t even notice you walking in, you didn’t get a greeting so didn’t give one either. You put your stuff away and decided to start making dinner since he hadn’t done that, nor did he put the dishes in the dishwasher as you requested.

When dinner was finally done you called out his name so that he would eat in the dining room, he wouldn’t be allowed to eat at the sofa tonight because you knew that he’d try to be on his phone if he was. With a loud sigh, you heard him shuffling on his socks. 

“Finally, goodbye phone for next 30 minutes” you muttered to yourself under your breath and suddenly heard a loud noise. You dried your hands on the towel and went to see what was going on, Jin was standing inches away from the wall, one hand on his head and one hand holding the phone. Korean words falling from his lips: he had bumped into the wall, you finally realised.

“let’s eat, I hate this thing”

Originally posted by noodleoodleoo



Yoongi:

Yoongi scrolled and scrolled all day long, didn’t type at all, just scrolled and nervously tapped from time to time. It made you annoyed after only an hour of him being like that.

But you didn’t say anything yet, not wanting to piss Yoongi off or get him out of his thoughts. His thoughts were holy to him and right now he seemed to be thinking about very serious things.

“Yoongi, please stop” you spoke out loud with a groan leaving your lips. The scrolling continued during dinner that he didn’t eat, during the evening when you two usually watched movies together and it was around 2 in the morning when you finally spoke out. Finally he snapped out of the thoughts and in the second that he was on earth you noticed a sad and hurt Yoongi.

You knew enough.

Your boyfriend who acted to never give a fuck, had been broken on the inside. He let hateful comments inside his heart while he shut you out.

With a sad smile you made Yoongi leave his phone in the living room, while you two went to the bedroom. Him slumping while your caring nature came in , ready to kick some ass tomorrow. Your Yoongi didn’t deserve hate, he was a beautiful person in and out.

That night, a broken man named Min Yoongi slept in your arms.

Originally posted by yoongisoo



Namjoon:

Namjoon had been busy on the phone, not really busy but busy as in that he was catching up with fans and talking to his friends in the meanwhile. You were glad that he was catching up with the people that he loved and people that loved him, though in his case it meant that he wouldn’t even look at you.

During the day it had been alright, you could handle it back then because you got some things ready and done without Namjoon getting clingy or distracting you. Though as soon as you two were in the bedroom getting ready for bed, it started to get on your nerves: undressing while holding his phone, telling you that your new nightgown was pretty without really looking at it.

But you let him be, just because you knew he was smart enough to decide things for himself and he wasn’t a child anymore.

Once in bed you were about to close your eyes to sleep, reaching over to press your lips to his dimpled cheek to wish him a good night and sweet dreams too. But he didn’t see the kiss coming, he had been so far away from real life that he flinched and dropped the phone on his own nose.

You weren’t supposed to laugh at it, but did so anyways.

Originally posted by yoongichii



Hoseok:

“Look at the animal baby!”  Your hope insisted for the millionth time today, it probably was no secret how he grew addicted to a game. “Baby! Y/N! Baby?!” he complained or whined when you weren’t reacting.

You finally looked away from the book you were reading to look at your boyfriend, first his face and then towards the phone in his hands. You at first didn’t want to answer, but if you wouldn’t answer then he’d ask you again just in a minute. “I see, it’s very nice, Hobi. Now put your phone down before the animal will come alive and eat your phone” you said in the most serious tone.

He could be serious when he needed to but you still wanted to say things in the nicest way possible, just so that he wouldn’t get hurt by your words. Being on his phone all day wasn’t something he should be doing, he had other things to do and not only spending time on you.

Just an hour later he again took the work out of your hands, what he wanted to show you was more important. “Look, he made a friend!!” he said then. It actually seemed as if that animal had been winning an award.

Luckily your crazy man forgot to charge his phone, and soon realised that his favourite song was playing on the radio. So of course he began to sing and dance along, leaving you in a fit of laughter at the cuteness.

Goodbye virtual pet, hello crazy Hoseok

Originally posted by panwithoutaplan



Jimin: 

Jimin had been on his phone for nearly three days, of course still with some space to eat and sleep and work. But all his eyes saw was that stupid phone, and with every notification he had to look what was going on.


He wasn’t addicted to anything in particular, he even just held it and locked and unlocked it the entire time. And when he wasn’t allowed to be on his phone then he’d start to bite his nails or do other nervous habits until he could go back to his phone.


That was until you took his phone away, well you didn’t take it away, but went on a date with him and told him that he had to leave his phone in his pocket. It probably killed him on the inside, surely the first hour where he constantly said that he needed to check the time.But he slowly began to enjoy the date without his phone, he had you to talk to and your hand to hold instead of his phone. Your voice suddenly seemed more beautiful when you spoke, this was better than his lockscreen of you just looking back at him. 


He didn’t need his phone that bad, he needed you more.   

Originally posted by bangtanroyalty



Taehyung:

Getting Tae off the phone was hard, he was always doing so many different things, every hour something different: listening to music, trying to draw a picture, taking a picture, online shopping, being social online.

But Taehyung never stopped giving you his attention and love, he would still put down his phone for you and listen but afterwards continue.

Although lately it was getting harder and harder to catch his eye, normal conversations only happened in the morning or right before that, and only unique and important things were shared. You missed the occasional question of how your day had been,  instead you had to talk about something major that happened somewhere far away from your mind.

You had planned something new though, after all it was no secret that you and Tae liked the bedroom for multiple reasons. You two were quite active when it came to sexual things, a lot of experimenting and yet making love together. But tonight you came out wearing almost nothing, and the something on your skin was a new set.

If this wasn’t meant for his eyes to see then you’d rip it off yourself and throw it away. But Taehyung saw you walking from the bathroom into the bedroom in your sex outfit. His eyes immediately widened as he dropped his phone on the nightstand.

“my angel, I’ve been missing out”

Originally posted by cmtae



Jungkook: 

“No more, you’ve been online for a few hours now” you told Jungkook and placed yourself on his lap so that he wouldn’t go on his phone, your Jungkook had been distraught by the media lately. Showing you everything from the news, every cute video that he found on social media.

So after a few weeks of him being really addicted you made the rule to let him watch 10 minutes every hour for fun but reply to messages from friends. Though some of them were fast typers so you changed your rule again.

In the end you were about to give up because things got like they were before in which he held his phone all day and night, cuddling up while the phone was resting beside his pillow at night. You almost were in a relationship with the phone as well, that’s how you always explained it to him as well….he laughed it off.

It got you crazy over time, you just started to turn away from the moment you saw it, you didn’t care about it anymore. Or tried not to care, you had done enough to stop it or to try and make it a bit normal but all was useless.

Until…

One night Jungkook crawled in bed, put his phone in the charger and turned to you. His arms wrapping around your body, pulling you against his chest immediately. A phone didn’t give warmth or love and you did…but he neglected it because he thought that being popular and being there 24/7 was more important.

“You love me, and I know my phone doesn’t love me. But that’s okay, I only love you”

Originally posted by jkguks

Dating Pietro Maximoff would include....

Anonymous asked: Could you do a “dating Pietro would include…” thing please? Thank you! I love your writing!


Pairing: Pietro x Reader
Word count: 2.4k+
Warning: Fluff, Smut

A/N: To the anon that requested this: I made it as gender inclusive as I could! This was so much fun to write! Thank you for requesting it! I hope you all liked this! It kind of got out of hand and I’m not sorry at all. (At this point you should all know I will never understand the concept of writing short/quick fics. Just expect everything to be more than a thousand words. I’ve accepted it.)  

Originally posted by guardians-of-the-galaxies

Keep reading

Grammys part three: Josh Dun imagine

Y/N: Boys’ pants off, Josh turned on, Grammys night part three, let’s goooooooooooo

Part one: http://thepatricktreestump.tumblr.com/post/157222084267/grammys-josh-dun-imagine
Part two: http://thepatricktreestump.tumblr.com/post/157337756582/grammys-part-two-josh-dun-imagine

Anonymous said:
Omg, please tell me there’s gonna be a part 3 to the grammys???? You can’t leave that kinda cliff hanger!!!! Dosh Josh behave or not, do Tyler and Jenna figure out what’s going on?? Please, please, please tell us!!!???

*continued female reader, smut, last segment to this trilogy

Normally, you two would’ve just gone home and fucked each other senseless. You would’ve teased each other the entire ride home and then gotten in the bedroom and let loose. You would’ve definitely had quite a night. However, it didn’t go quite as anticipated or planned. After dinner, which to your surprise, both of you behaved fairly well, and Jenna and Tyler didn’t quite let the two of you off the hook. “I don’t want this night to end,” Tyler sighed. “I feel like I’m on the top of the world.”

“I’m so proud of you guys,” you agreed. “You could literally take on anything now.”

“You’ve already tackled so many other challenges, you’re basically unstoppable!” Jenna grinned.

“Hell, who knows. Maybe we’ll win the Olympics next,” Josh joked.

“We’ll start training tomorrow,” Tyler teased. “No but really, I don’t want this night to end. We should go see a movie or walk around town or something. I know it’s late, but I’m still super high on life.”

“That sounds like a plan,” Jenna smiled. “What do you guys think?”

Josh and you looked at each other, and you could tell in his eyes he was still yearning for what you had planned later. You were about to make up a lie about how you still didn’t feel too well when Tyler interrupted you. “Hold on, I’m getting a call,” Tyler explained, putting his phone up to his ear.

“Who is it?” Jenna wondered.

“Josh, it’s your mom!” Tyler laughed. “Hold on, Laura, I’m going to put you on speaker.”

“What?” you hissed angrily, jabbing Josh in the arm. “You have the time to sext me in the middle of dinner but you can’t even give your mom a quick phone call?”

“Hi boys!” she greeted happily. “I’m so proud of you!”

“Yeah mom,” Josh chuckled, giving you a look as to drop the subject. “Thanks.”

“We have a little surprise for you!” she explained. “I’m going to send an address to where the party is and I want you all to come. I think you already ate but there’s some snacks and stuff.”

“What are you talking about?” Josh wondered. “You’re all in Los Angeles? Right now?”

“Kelly set it up,” she explained. “I just helped. Tyler’s parents helped and Zack and Jay are here, Jordan too, everyone really. Even Ashley and Abby and Madison. They all headed over after the awards.”

“Mom,” Josh stated. “We’re at dinner right now.”

“I know, I know,” she reassured. “But after you guys are done, just come over here. We rented out a nice little place. Everyone’s waiting for you boys, and your lovely women too.”

“I think it’s a great idea,” you quickly chimed in. “It’s a perfect celebration.”

“She’s right,” Jenna agreed. “Come on, Josh. Let’s drag out the happy all night long.”

“Just a small party,” Tyler shrugged. “Right?”

“Fine,” Josh complied, glancing at you, frustrated. “We’ll head over soon mom.”

“Thank you,” she giggled. “Can’t wait to see you all. Love you.”

“Love you!” you all responded before Josh hung up and handed Tyler the phone.

“You never told me your mom set up a party for us,” Josh laughed.

“I never knew,” Tyler replied. “Evidently she did.”

“You’d think Jordan would tell me,” Josh rolled his eyes.

“I guess not,” Tyler sighed. “Well we better hurry over.”

“Yeah,” Jenna nodded. “Let’s get the bill and head out soon.”

As soon as you and Josh got in the car, he blew up. “I can’t believe my mom would do that!” he groaned aloud, forcefully sticking the keys in the ignition and pulling out of the parking lot. “You think she’d just want me to spend the night with you, but no!”

“Josh calm down,” you put a hand on his shoulder but he jerked it away.

“No! You don’t understand!” he muttered. “I’ve literally been dying all dinner long.”

“Then maybe we can do something quick,” you suggested. “Before we get to the party.”

“I just want to fuck you,” he whispered, glancing at you. “Really, really, really bad.”

“They flew all the way here from Columbus,” you insisted.

“I know but you just look so hot in that dress, baby,” Josh murmured, taking a turn on the road. “And your hair, it looks so good too. You were by far the best one there at the Grammys.”

“You were the one who took off your pants,” you reminded.

“And I’ll do it again,” he gave a sly smile. “How about that?”

“Just for me this time,” you argued, sliding a hand towards his upper thigh as he drove. “All for me, Josh.”

“Fuck baby, don’t do that when I’m driving,” he chuckled darkly, and you withdrew your hand, blushing. “You’re tempting me so bad you know.”

“To do what?” you challenged.

“To pull off the side of the road right now, lock all the doors, take you in the back seat, and fuck you right here, right now,” he explained, eyes fixed on the road, trying to concentrate.

“Naughty boy,” you clicked your tongue.

“Can’t help it when you’re around,” he shook his head. “You do things to me. You don’t even know.”

“Oh I’m sure I do know,” you smirked. “I know how bad you want it.”

“Then stop teasing me and just fake sick at the party so we can go home and just finally fucking do this,” he begged. “Please y/n, I can barely take it anymore.”

“One hour,” you promised. “One hour at the party and then maybe I’ll contemplate it.”

“Contemplate?” he raised his eyebrows, turning into the parking lot of the venue. “No, babe. You have to. Come on, Jenna’s going to vouch for you cause she knows how bad you felt at dinner. It would all work out.”

“We’ll see what happens,” you sighed, giving him a soft kiss on the cheek. “Maybe if you behave then I’ll make up my mind.”

“Goddammit I hate you,” he grumbled.

“You fucking love me,” you grinned, knowing very well you were using his own words against him. He just laughed, both of you deciding to have another kiss before getting out of the car, then heading into the venue, his arm around your waist, looking hella fine in your fancy Grammys outfits.

As soon as you entered everyone cheered loudly, both of you earning a huge applause and a million eyes on you all at once, but the two of you froze. There was no way you were anticipating this many people. You thought maybe the two families and a couple of friends, but this was like an entire wedding reception or something. There was no way you’d be leaving in just an hour. “Want to escape out the door while we still can?” Josh joked but you narrowed your eyes at him, plastering on a smile as soon as his mom Laura approached you.

“Aw look at you two!” she beamed. “You’re so fancy, oh my goodness.”

“I didn’t know so many people were going to be here mom,” Josh murmured, probably nervous.

“I didn’t either but I guess uh, Tyler’s brother Zack tweeted out the address and a couple of people saw it and decided to come,” she shrugged.

“A couple of people?” Josh widened his eyes. “This is like the Grammys itself!”

“Oh gosh,” you stared at your phone and read the tweet aloud. “Twenty One Pilots Grammys after-party!”

“Of course Zach would do something like that,” Josh grumbled. “Okay, well thanks for the party anyways. It’s very nice. I can’t wait to get down and meet some people, dance with y/n hopefully, eat some great food.”

“Absolutely,” Laura smiled, giving both of you a huge hug. “It’s for you and Tyler, so have fun. We’re all so very proud of you. I love you.”

“Love you too mom,” he gave a small smile. “Now come on y/n, let’s shake our booties on that dance floor!”

“Sure,” you rolled your eyes and laughed.

“You guys came!” Jenna squealed happily, tugging Tyler over to meet you guys. “You feeling a little better, y/n?” You looked in her eyes, seeing how genuinely happy she was, how excited and proud, how caring. You couldn’t just leave this party, all these sweet people, everything both of their families sacrificed and set up, just so you could fuck Josh for a night. Josh looked at you, almost with begging eyes, wishing you’d just say you felt miserable, but you couldn’t do that. You just couldn’t.

“I feel great,” you grinned. “This set up is amazing! I’m so glad we came.”

“Yeah,” Josh stated flatly, grip on your waist tightening. “So happy to be here.”

“Come on bro,” Tyler tapped him on the shoulder. “There’s some people I want you to meet.”

“Cool,” Josh took a deep breath. “Uh, I’ll see you around y/n. Keep your phone on you?”

“Oh no, no, no,” you shook your head immediately, knowing exactly what was going on. “My phone is almost dead and I’m not going to play anymore of your little games. You go behave and have fun with Tyler. Got it?” You gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

“Fine,” he mumbled, faking a smile and going off with Ty.

“So what was dinner all about?” Jenna narrowed her eyes when the boys left. “I mean come on, the gasping and moaning? What was that?”

“Josh was being a dick,” you rolled your eyes. “Nothing important.”

“And the phones too,” she added. “You guys okay?”

“Yeah,” you nodded. “It’s fine.”

“Are you guys…” she left a small pause and you tensed. “Breaking up?”

“What?” your eyes went wide. “No, not at all.”

“Oh okay,” she shrugged. “I don’t know. You just seemed like you were arguing about something and I thought maybe he was kicking your leg underneath the table or jabbing your side. Tyler kind of gets a little agitated when he’s angry with me too and does that kind of stuff. I just wanted to make sure everything was okay.”

“It’s fine,” you reassured. “I just felt a little sick and he wasn’t helping. He’s just playing around.”

“Got it,” she nodded slowly. “Well I’m going to get going. I have some people I have to talk to. Have a great night, y/n. I’ll see you later!”

“Bye Jenna!” you waved. You took a deep breath, then decided to go over to the table of food and grab a small snack. There was a gorgeous cake, topped with a skeleton and alien sugar sculpture, which you thought was probably the works of the sisters. They always had a knack for the cooking, especially around the holiday time. You scooped up a handful of jelly beans, popping one in your mouth when you felt a tap on your shoulder from behind you. You spun around to face Jordan, Josh’s brother.

“Hey y/n,” he smiled.

“Oh hey,” you greeted.

“How was dinner?” he raised an eyebrow.

“It was good,” you nodded.

“Did you like what you saw on stage tonight?” he smirked. You turned bright red.

“W-what?” you tried to hide your blushing but he just chuckled.

“Ah, I got quite an interesting text tonight,” Jordan explained. “I assume it was for you, seeing as Josh said oops and all, and then avoided my seven phone calls.”

“He was just teasing,” you shrugged, trying to dismiss the subject. “You know how he is.”

“Are you sure you guys were at dinner?” he persisted.

“We were,” you narrowed your eyes. “You can ask Tyler and Jenna.”

“Or Josh himself,” Jordan added. “I’m sure he’d tell me quite the story.”

“Shut up,” you rolled your eyes.

“So do tell me,” he insisted. “Did you like what you saw on stage tonight?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” you sighed. “Now go on and cause trouble elsewhere.”

“I’m just playing with you,” he laughed. “Hey, have a good night y/n. And make sure Josh behaves.”

“Oh I will,” you reassured. “I always do.”

“Speaking of the devil,” Jordan pointed to Josh coming over. “Hey, you guys have fun tonight. Take it easy.”

“You too,” you waved him goodbye.

“Hey babe,” Josh wrapped his arms around you, pressing a soft kiss to your lips, pulling you closer. “Let’s get out of here.”

“Josh,” you pushed him back slightly, glaring at him. “No.”

“Yes,” he insisted. “Please.”

“Where would we even go?” you narrowed your eyes. “Definitely not home.”

“Fine,” he bit his lower lip. “Car?”

“No,” you shook your head. “No way.”

“Then let’s go find a place,” he mumbled against your neck, pressing light kisses to your skin. “Baby I’m dying without you.”

“I know, I know,” you reassured.

“Come on, I’m sure there’s a place we can go,” Josh argued. “I’ve literally been waiting since before dinner, sweetheart.”

“Me too,” you admitted. “But we’ve got to be polite.”

“If I find somewhere can we go?” he pleaded. “Please? It will be quick, I don’t care, I just need this.”

“Fine,” you complied, pulling him in for an open mouthed kiss, then letting go. “You have half an hour tops. Then we wait until the end of the night.”

“Got it,” he agreed, giving you a kiss on the forehead before running off, searching for who knows what.

“Where’d he head off to?” a voice behind you wondered with a chuckle. You spun around and then almost had a heart attack when you realized who it was.

“Holy shit!” you gasped, putting a hand to your chest. “Hey.”

“Hi,” Halsey laughed. “Did I scare you?”

“A little bit,” you confessed. “Just didn’t see you coming.”

“That’s alright,” she reassured. “Is Josh okay? He looked kind of anxious running off like that. I was going to congratulate him.”

“Oh,” you blushed. “He’s just um, looking for Tyler. Something important I think, he wouldn’t tell me.”

“Got it,” she nodded slowly. “Well- oh! There he is!”

“Hey,” Josh looked nervous when he plastered on a smile, engulfing Halsey in a hug. “Long time, no see.”

“Yeah,” she rolled her eyes. “I wanted to congratulate you boys! That’s awesome!”

“You too,” he nodded. “Two nominations, that’s insane!”

“Thanks,” she nodded. “So-”

“I’m sorry but me and y/n really have to go,” he apologized. “It’s important.”

“Ah, uh, okay,” she frowned slightly. “It’s cool. I’ll talk to you later then?”

“Yeah,” Josh agreed hurriedly. “Thanks so much!”

“No problem,” she gave a hesitant smile before Josh dragged you out of the conversation, tugging you by the arm up a flight of steps and down a hallway.

“I cannot fucking believe you!” you hissed. “You just freaking dragged me away from a conversation with Halsey!”

“So what?” he replied. “I’m sure if you really wanted to talk to her so bad, you could find another time later tonight.”

“Josh you’ve been going insane,” you argued, wresting free of his grip on your arm and staring at him. “This is out of control.”

“You’re the reason,” he mumbled, dark eyes boring into yours. “God you look so good tonight. I can’t help myself.”

“Yeah?” you smirked, noticing the way he was biting his lower lip, the beads of sweat on his forehead, the rise and fall of his chest.

“Yeah,” he nodded.

“What if I told you you’re not allowed to touch me for the rest of the night, hmm?” you raised an eyebrow, slipping a finger underneath the strap of your dress, dragging it down your shoulder while remaining eye contact with him, watching as his eyes followed your hand in a trance, gaze fixed on every new exposition of skin as you pulled the fabric lower.

“Fuck baby, don’t do this in the hallway,” he ran a hand though his bright yellow curls, tugging hard in frustration, biting down harder on his lip. He glanced to the side, making sure nobody was coming. “Come on, there’s a room just a little while away, I promise.”

“Nah,” you shook your head, smirking as you realized he was getting turned on. You shrugged off the other sleeve of your dress and watched as the fabric fell to your waist, revealing your lacy bra. “I’m comfortable here.”

“Goddammit what if someone sees you?” he whispered.

“Why should I care?” you wondered. “I mean, everyone saw you just fine babe.”

“No,” Josh shook his head immediately. “It’s not like that.”

“Oh but I think it is,” you insisted. “Taking your pants off in front of everyone at the Grammys, standing there in your underwear, everyone looking at you… you didn’t seem to care.”

“That was Tyler’s idea,” he muttered. “Look, I wouldn’t have done that if I knew you didn’t want me to.”

“I don’t know,” you sighed. “Would you care if I was the one standing up there? Stripping down to my underwear like this? Everyone’s eyes fixed on me? Staring at my body? My body that belongs to you?”

“You belong to me,” he insisted.

“Exactly,” you agreed. “So what makes you think the same rules don’t apply to you?”

“I didn’t think you’d care,” he mumbled, looking shy and scared.

“You don’t think I care?” you challenged. “Every night when you take off your shirt at shows? When you’re tugging down your pants on stage? You don’t think I see that, babe?”

“Fuck, please don’t do this here,” he begged, and you glanced down, realizing he had an obvious hard on. “Let’s go to the room.” He reached for your arm but you quickly took a step back, letting the fabric of your dress fall to the floor, and he gasped, eyes transfixed on your body.

“Why should I let you touch me?” you inquired. “I mean, you said it, I don’t care. Do I?”

“Babe that’s not what I meant-” he began, but you shook your head.

“No, I think you did,” you clicked your tongue disapprovingly. There was a pause and then an idea came to mind. “Hmmm you know, maybe I should go back to the party like this. Let everyone see me, let them know how fucking sexy I am, how you’re not the only one who can put on a show.”

“Y/n-” Josh was staring at you, pants growing tighter by the second, straining his voice. “You wouldn’t dare.”

“Maybe I would,” you teased. “I’d be the life of the party, wouldn’t I?”

“I can’t let anyone else see you like this baby,” he argued. “You’re all mine.”

“Am I?” you raised an eyebrow, watching his mouth hang open, speechless, as you dipped a hand underneath your underwear.

“Don’t you fucking dare,” he warned.

“Who’s going to stop me?” you chuckled. “You?”

“Y/n you’re killing me,” he argued. “Fuck just let me touch you. Please.”

“How bad do you want this?” you raised an eyebrow, slipping a finger between your folds and letting out a gasp, watching as Josh’s eyes widened and he tightened his jaw as he watched you, and a smile curled on your lips. “You want this to be you, baby?”

“Yes,” he pleaded. “I need this so bad.”

“I don’t know…” you trailed off your voice, then started to pump another finger inside you, and you let out a soft moan, opening your eyes and looking at Josh, who just about looked like he was going to melt right there.

“I’m begging you y/n,” he inhaled a ragged breath. “Just let me get my hands on you.”

“What’s the magic word?” you smirked.

“Please,” he barely was able to respond.

“Okay,” you smiled, and there wasn’t even a split second that passed before he lunged towards you, pinning your body against the wall, hands behind your head, on your back, on your ass, between your legs, down your thighs, everywhere all at once. His lips attacked yours, tongue absorbing greedy kisses, sliding down your neck, his hips grinding against your already soaking core, hands fumbling with the clasp of your bra when he pulled back, eyes staring into yours.

“You thinking what I’m thinking?” he asked.

“Let’s get out of the motherfucking hallway,” you agreed. You began to kiss him again, wrapping your legs around his waist as he bent down to pick up the fabric of your dress, carrying you towards the room. After violently jostling the doorknob, it finally gave in, and he kicked the door shut with his foot and placed you on a table, tossing your dress aside and attacking you with kisses. You moaned into his mouth, legs still wrapped around him as he pushed your back into the table, grinding against you, and when he pulled away to catch his breath, you looked around, smirking. “Conference table? Really?”

“Best I could find,” he mumbled, burying his head in your neck and sucking at your skin, leaving you a mess of gasps and moans.

“F-fuck Josh,” you stuttered, him unclasping your bra and sliding it up off of your arms, then exploring your breasts and stomach with his lips, trailing kisses across your body.

“Can you believe just moments ago you were saying no to this?” he laughed quietly, tugging down your panties and tossing them aside. “Shit baby, you’re just as much of a mess as I am.”

“Just for you,” you reminded.

“Of course,” he grinned. “You’re all mine.” He delved his tongue into you and you let out a loud moan, feeling your stomach tighten with each movement, his hands gripping on your hips, your fingers tugging on locks of his hair, his nose pressed against your clit, your legs wrapped around his head.

“Josh I’m going to cum,” you barely whispered.

“Do it baby,” he insisted. “Show me how bad you want me inside you.”

“Fuck,” you gasped, coming undone and feeling your orgasm ripple through your body as you eased into the surface of the table, leaning your head back and gasping for breath as Josh licked and sucked between your legs.

“Mmm you taste so good babygirl,” he mumbled. He stood up and tugged off his tie, unbuttoned his shirt, stripping down and sliding off his jeans, then his underwear, climbing on top of you. “And to think you were teasing me all night long, acting like you wouldn’t let me touch you, pretending like you could wait til you got home, trying to act all cool. I could see right through you y/n, I know how bad you want me.”

“Fuck Josh, please,” you begged. “Shit babe, just fuck me already.”

“I don’t know,” he smirked. “Maybe I shouldn’t let you touch me either.”

“Don’t try to pull that right now,” you shook your head, pushing your hips up in attempts to meet his. “I need you so bad.”

“How bad?” he challenged.

“Fuck,” you gasped, frustrated and exhausted, flipping him over so he was the one laying on the conference table, pushing down your hips and sinking his cock into you, pressing your lips against his in a mess of muffled moans.

“You’re so fucking sexy when you’re dominant like this babe,” Josh mumbled against your neck, both of you in sync with thrusts, your hips moving together in perfect rhythm, the two of you both desperate and harsh with each movement.

“Mm they’re going to be looking for us you know,” you sighed, still relentlessly fucking him against the table. “Wondering where we went.”

“And nobody’s going to know about it,” he gave a sly smile. “Nobody but me is going to know how fucking wonderful you are riding my cock like this, baby.”

“Just our little secret,” you promised. “Just the two of us.” You kept going harder and harder until finally the two of you were gasping for air, cumming at the same time, moaning each other’s names loudly and collapsing onto the table, clinging onto each other’s sweaty, exhausted, tired bodies.

“Three of us,” a voice corrected and both you and Josh widened your eyes, scared and surprised.

“Fuck,” you cursed.

“Hey uh, Josh, buddy?” Tyler’s voice came through the crack in the door. Shit, he must’ve found you guys. “Two things I’ve got to tell you. First off, we’re supposed to give a speech soon, so when you’re um, done with that, you should head down. And secondly, always lock the door bro.”

“Yeah,” Josh responded, embarrassed.

“Okay, cool,” Tyler laughed. “Our secret though, it’s fine.”

“Yeah, yeah,” you grumbled. “See you Ty.”

“Hurry up,” he reminded.

“Will do,” Josh reassured, watching as Tyler closed the door with a soft laugh.

“Think we were too loud?” you raised an eyebrow.

“Nah, Tyler’s just being sneaky as fuck,” he shook his head. “God you felt so good though, baby.”

“You always feel good,” you smirked, placing a quick kiss to his lips.

“You going to put your dress back on, babe?” Josh wondered.

“Hmmm, I don’t know,” you teased.

“You better,” he warned.

“Or what?” you challenged.

“Or we might have to come back here later tonight,” he suggested.

“That wouldn’t be a bad thing,” you smiled.

“Come on,” he shook his head, laughing. “Let’s get dressed and then we’ll head down and try to look as composed as possible.”

“Fine,” you decided. “But do know that you look so much better without pants.”

“Thanks,” he blushed. “Now let’s go down there and hope I don’t mess up this stupid speech.”

When you arrived, you were greeted with a loud applause, and you gave Josh a kiss on the cheek before Tyler dragged him out to the middle of the dance floor, the two of them holding a microphone and spilling out a sweet sappy story of how far they’ve come and how thankful they are for today. That’s when Jordan decides to stand beside you, and he stays mostly quiet, except for when Josh comes back and Jordan is a mess of laughter. “Great job, Josh,” you smiled.

“Yeah,” Jordan snickered. “You did amazing. But uh, you might want to lend your little girlfriend over here a sweater or something.”

“How come?” Josh wondered, turning to look at you and then blinking twice.

“What?” you wondered.

“Hickeys,” Jordan smirked. “Looks like you guys had a little fun when you went missing, hmm?”

“Shut up,” Josh narrowed his eyes.

“Just saying,” Jordan shrugged. “I mean, your shirt’s not even buttoned up all the way for Pete’s sake.”

“Goodness gracious,” Josh mumbled, face turning red.

“Whatever,” you laughed. “At least it was a memorable night.”

“Oh believe me, sweetheart,” Josh laughed, wrapping his arms around your waist. “The night’s not even over yet.”

The Best Way to Ask for Your Money as a Brown Sugar Baby

This post could be a sentence long, best friend. The best way to get your money as a brown sugar baby? Open up your mouth and ask for it. But that’s not really helpful, is it? You already know that you should ask for your money, but you are terrified that:

  • There’s a specific way that you should be asking that will guarantee that you get your money
  • You’re worried that if you say the wrong thing you won’t get your money.
  • You’re literally struck deaf, dumb, and mute by the idea that you, little old you, are going to ask a man with such financial power to hand you anything because you don’t think you deserve it.
  • You’re new to sugaring, and you want to make sure that you’re doing everything by the book. 

     Did you know that these are the things that are actually holding you back? You, sis, have an excellent grasp of the English language. You have done your homework. You have a plan. You know why you want to sugar and you went out and met a man worth your time and energy. The thing that’s stopping you from getting your money is most likely you especially if you and this man have already discussed having an arrangement and have agreed on an amount. 

     I had this issue several times. Men were willing to hand me their credit cards.  Men wanted to know what type of allowance I wanted. I got, so tongue tied that I blocked my own blessings (at least for a while). What I want to do is address the reasons why you are afraid to speak up before I address what you should say.

Fear: There’s a specific way you should be asking for your allowance that will guarantee that you will get it.

Truth: There is no one size fits all to sugaring. There is no magic key or phrase that will unlock all of your wildest sugar dreams and make your success rate jump to 100% and stay there. There is no particular word or phrase that will make every man putty in your hand, no matter what other sb’s tell you. Those words and phrases that they’ve said work for them every time work because they come naturally to that sb and naturalness, confidence is sexy. It has nothing to do with the words that are used. It has everything to do with the connection that that sb has cultivated with that sd without it the sd wouldn’t be receptive to anything that sb said no matter how she said it. Forget about memorizing a script. Be yourself. The right man will always respond. (remember when we talked about what to look for in a man?)

Fear: You’re worried that if you say the wrong thing, you won’t get your money.

Truth: A man that has agreed to give you money will give you money unless you give him a reason not to. Reasons not to? Off the top of my head, the only logical ones are if you stand him up repeatedly, agree to a certain type of arrangement then go back on your word, or if you are excessively rude to him without his consent (there are men that want to be degraded after all). If a man is dangling money in front of your face like a carrot, if he’s telling you that he’ll give you the money but you have to do this one more thing for him? He never had any intention of giving you a dime. Let him go. Find another- there’s an entire freestyling plan to help you. 

Fear: You’re literally struck deaf, dumb, and mute by the idea that you, little old you, are going to ask a man with such financial power to hand you anything because you don’t think you deserve it. 

Truth: Sis, what the fuck is this about? Of course, you’ve earned it. I can tell you that until the cows come home and you could probably give me a list of reasons why you don’t. I wish you loved yourself as much as I do, best friend. But we’ll pass over that. You don’t think you deserve that money? Guess who does? HE DOES THAT’S WHY HE’S OFFERING IT TO YOU. Are you going to let your insecurities keep you from your coin? Or are you going to suck it up and hold your hand out? I see that hand of yours itching to come out, sis. Just do it.

 Fear: You’re new to sugaring, and you want to make sure that you’re doing everything by the book. 

Truth: There is no book. There is no secret manual or playbook that we all read (even though I do have some favorite books that I would recommend) before we graduate into being “real” sugar babies. The successful girls have experience, and they only got that by investing their time into this game. Time. That’s it. You do not have to follow any sugar babies advice, not even mine. You can do whatever you feel good about doing and that, after considering it, you know you won’t regret the next morning. The only advice that I do advocate that you follow are the safety measures. You only have this one life, and I want to see you live it to the fullest for the longest amount of time possible. Protect your body and your mind. Everything else? You’ll figure it out as you go along. That’s what I did. 

There it is, sis. Are these one of the four things that have bothered you about asking for your money? I hope I covered them in a way that helped but if I didn’t I know you’ll message me or leave a comment on the post. Now on to the good stuff, right? Because I know there are at least one or two of you that don’t give a solitary shit about fears and really just want to be told what to say. Fine. Only because I love you. 

Now that we’ve agreed on what our relationship is going to look like, when would you like for it to officially start?

Notice I didn’t say arrangement. I’m hoping you got this nice man out in the wild and he probably has no idea what an arrangement is or if he does and he’s not using the word then neither should you. Keep it natural and comfortable. 

That’s it best friend. The easiest way I know to ask a man for money is to dismiss the fears that stop you from asking in the first place. Did I cover your fear? Or am I way off the mark? Either way, talk to me. I love and read every single comment you leave me even if I can’t respond to all of them right away. I’m going to, I promise.

Fave Fics of 2017.

2017 was by far my favorite year on this site. I got to meet so many new people, made a bunch of new friends, and somehow managed to get over 3k of you to follow a loser like me. But besides all of that great stuff, I wanted to include a full list of all my favorite fics of 2017 in honor of the year ending. Major props to these writers below (and in general ofc) for putting so much effort into their writing. Seriously, you guys fucking rock and thank you for showing us your mind-blowing talent. 

Originally posted by onlydisney


Like Rose (Bucky Barnes x Reader) by @viollettes (she and her fics will forever carry on.)

Summary:  In which she uses Titanic to comfort him.

Kissing Booth (Steve Rogers x Reader) by @viollettes

Summary: After Nat volunteers your services at the kissing booth, you find yourself sitting across from you is none other than your best friend.

“My Neighbor’s A Jerk” Series (Bucky Barnes x Reader) by @jurassicbarnes 

Summary: Modern-Day (AU) There’s this mutual feeling between you and your neighbor, called hate. And since your first meet you both commence that feeling with a burning passion. You don’t know the reason behind his hate and you know for damn sure that he will never tell you. But what happens on the first day of your job, when you find out that you even work together? Maybe you will learn to co-operate?

Mishaps (Bucky Barnes x Reader) by @rotisserierogers

Summary: “I got your message. What the hell was that supposed to mean?”

Treat You Better (Steve Harrington x Reader) by @ughjoekeery

Summary: Steve just can’t help himself when it comes to you. 

An Overrated Cliche (Peter Parker x Reader) by @heaventide 

Summary: That Spider-Man kiss video was definitely cliché and cheesy, which is exactly the reason that Spidey and Y/N have to do it.

Writer (Bucky Barnes x Reader) by @buckyywiththegoodhair

Summary:  In which Bucky falls in love with you, a writer.

Wrapped (Bucky Barnes x Reader) by @buckyywiththegoodhair

Summary: In which being wrapped in your arms is the only place Bucky ever wants to be.

Lovebug (Bucky Barnes x Reader) by @thewinterswimmer

Summary: lovebug (n); the name given to the person with whom you have fallen head over heels in love. to be called a lovebug is the ultimate expression of affection. they are the love of your life.

Come Home Soon (Bucky Barnes x Reader) by @thewinterswimmer

Summary: Bucky’s away on a mission during the holiday season, and you hope he can make it in time for your Secret Santa exchange.

Corner of the Coffee Shop (Bucky Barnes x Reader) by @theassetseyeliner

Summary: “Soulmate”

Notification Of Your Name (Bucky Barnes x Reader) by @theassetseyeliner

Summary: You’ve been dating your boyfriend, James Buchanan Barnes, for an entire year, but you’ve never actually met him. 

Underneath the Christmas Tree (Bucky Barnes x Reader) by @theassetseyeliner

Summary: Christmas has arrived, but your roommate always seems to favour the company of different girls each night, instead of you. Will he turn around and give you the one thing you want for Christmas, or will you be left alone to celebrate the holiday by yourself?  

La Belle du Bal (Bucky Barnes x Reader) by @theassetseyeliner 

Summary: It’s New Year’s Eve, and you’re not keen for the ball that tony’s decided to organize, but going to it is totally worth it for the reaction that your boyfriend has to seeing you dressed up for one of the first times

Say That Again (Bucky Barnes x Reader) by @justsomebucky

Summary: Soulmate AU. Everyone hears a key word or phrase in their head from their soulmate, something only heard in person when the moment is right.

Everything (Bucky Barnes x Reader) by @justsomebucky

Summary: AU. Reader rushes to her ex-boyfriend’s side when he’s in an accident.

“Meet Me Inside” Series (Bucky Barnes x Reader) by @denialanderror

Summary: You really wanted your last year to go without a hitch so you could finally get your Masters degree. But then Professor Barnes walks in to your lecture. And he makes it a whole lot harder to focus.

Just for Christmas Eve (Steve Harrington x Reader) by @xanaphorax 

Summary: After being put in a tight corner by your family, you find yourself lying about your current relationship status, assuring them that your boyfriend will be making an appearance at the annual Christmas Eve party. After a panicked search for a last minute fake-boyfriend, you have to rely on your younger brother’s cute new friend to help you out of your tight spot.

Cold Coffee (Steve Harrington x Reader) by @ffsbellamyblake

Summary:  Waking up next to Steve is something that you can get used to.

Movies (Steve Harrington x Reader) by @delicrieux 

Summary: (name) is dustin’s sister and they decide to watch movies all night. what (name) doesn’t know is that dustin invited steve, too.

Cowards (Bucky Barnes x Reader) by @redgillan

Summary: “Written for Kumi’s Halloween Challenge. My prompt was ‘tapping against a window’

And lastly, I’m going to shamelessly add in some of my own fave fics of the year: 

Sleeping Incident (Bucky Barnes x Reader) 

Summary: After waking up late, Bucky’s only option to make it to class on time is to take the subway. It’s there that he unintentionally falls asleep on a stranger’s shoulder. Your shoulder. (College!AU)

Game Night (Steve Harrington x Reader) 

Summary: Babysitter Steve comes to the rescue when he has to watch the kids for the night. On a whim, he calls you over and let’s you join in on the fun. 

Time After Time (Steve Harrington x Reader)

Summary: The five times the universe appeared to be against you when you wanted to ask Steve out.

“13 Going on 30″ Series (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

Summary: When your 13th birthday party goes awry, and you make a life changing wish - you wake up to discover you’ve flash forwarded 17 years ahead.

◆ —— SHAMELESS (US) QUOTES STARTER PROMPTS.

PART. 2 [TRIGGER WARNINGS AHEAD]

  • When did you start to care? 
  • I’ve dreamt about your death; put money in a collection box and prayed for it; blew out my birthday candles, wished for it. If it actually ever happened, I’m not sure I’d feel relief or guilt.
  • What if I don’t want to change?
  • Don’t what? 
  • You’re a fucking pussy. 
  • You look like a baby rabbit when you sleep.
  • You’re getting careless. Don’t.
  • I just assumed we’d eventually decide how to move together like normal couples do.
  • But there never was a ‘we’.
  • People fuck up, that’s life.
  • Family is supposed to be forever. They’re supposed to take care of you, regardless of what you do. 
  • Please don’t be the guy that lies. 
  • I have red hair, freckles and crooked teeth. No need for any more character. 
  • I need at least one person in this family to not turn cynical and my money’s been on you. 
  • Anyone who’s been married knows that sex is downhill from there. 
  • Big toe is throbbing like blueballs that no blowjob can ever fix. 
  • She’s a skanky, manipulative bitch and you should unfriend her. 
  • The porn at my desk isn’t really porn. It was pictures of penises, but it was from a circumsision website. 
  • I’ve seen crazy and I’ve seen bad for kids. You aren’t either of those things.
  • Don’t forget to check for hair behind the grill. 
  • I realize you’ve had sketchy parental role models, but can we agree that offing people is not cool? 
  • That turned me off, periscope down. 
  • I want normal people problems. 
  • When you tried to get me to be intimate with three of your friends, it made me feel sad. 
  • So, thanks to me, you’ve been pistol whipped and shot in the ass. 
  • Alcohol is a gift.
  • All I’m gonna be thinking about when you choke me out is how much I love you. 
  • If I had a dime for every time I’ve heard you say that, I’d have one dime. 
  • I don’t mean to be an asshole. It’s just genetic. 
  • I know you think you’re helping, but as someone who has been in and out of the system care my entire life, I can tell you it’s a nightmare. 
  • I wasn’t sure I’d see you again. 
  • Nobody fucks with the [insert last name]
  • You buried a body and you stole from the federal government. You will never get out of prison. 
  • We could always adopt.
  • Girls take that hero stuff straight to the bank. 
  • The whole 'my dad is gay for your brother’ thing has thrown me outta loop. 
  • Giving or receiving? 
  • Doing things you don’t wanna do is how you make a relationship work. 
  • I know school was never your thing, but you’ve never been dumb. 
  • Asking him to pick me over them is asking me to change the thing I love most about him. 
  • She is a crazy bitch and not crazy bitch like you’re a crazy bitch. 
  • She once tried to beat me to death with a frozen fish because I asked for more broccoli. 
  • Kick ass, take names.. and don’t blow anyone. 
  • When you’re poor, the only way to make money is to scam it or steal it. 
  • You get along a lot better with a weapon and a kind word, than a kind word alone. 
  • If I don’t invest in myself, no one else will. 
  • My baby was stolen by my mom and her developmentally delayed boyfriend. 
  • He’s not my boyfriend. 
  • It smells worse than a dead hooker’s ass in there. 
  • I’m not going to let you throw him out like used Kleenex. 
  • She’s fragile.
  • She’s broken. 
  • I don’t wanna be me anymore. 
  • An accident? Where his penis just slipped into your vagina? 
  • You gotta get me out of this car, I’m getting too horned up. 
  • I’m sorry, but now I gotta go pick up my wife’s boyfriend. 
  • Sometimes it’s not worth holding out. Life’s too short, why not just give in? 
  • Why would anyone go to the zoo sober? 
  • I’d trade my left nut for one more hour of sleep. 
  • Your mother was a real cunt. 
  • Circle doesn’t start with an S? What the fuck? 
  • Sometimes when I see the word hospice on the street, I pronounce it ho-spice. 
  • You’re lucky your moms dead. 
  • I made a list of the top 50 stupidest things and all 50 were when I was drunk. 
  • My testicles have never been my ally. 
  • Go fuck yourself. 
  • Front door was locked so I came in the back. No pun intended. 
  • I’m sick of living in your shadow. 
  • I never thought I’d say this, but you were right. 
  • She said she had some personal business. I change her diaper, what’s more personal than that? 
  • How can you be so cold about this? 
  • Just for the record, a lot of great men have been well-lubricated. 
  • I’m not the reason your life is a piece of crap.
  • Your coochie smells like brimestone and Sulfur. 
  • One of my unspoken rules is you don’t fuck someone else when we’re on a date. 
  • You married a drug lord’s daughter to hang on to your ear? 
  • I don’t take bribes. 
  • Honey, you’re an alcoholic. 
  • Where can I get knives and blunts? 
  • You can’t control what goes on in the world. You can just choose to be a part of it everyday. 
  • Where I come from, it’s an honour to share your man. 
  • I’m gonna beat your ass like a pinata until candy falls out! 
  • You don’t love me.
  • You’re kinda growing on me. 
  • Dead people poop themselves. 
  • Where’s the money? 
  • It doesn’t make you a kept woman, it makes you a smart one. 
  • I’ll keep that in mind when I’m feeding my family dog food this winter. 
  • I can’t share a room with someone in constant state of arousal! 
  • Look at me. I can’t go to jail, I might as well wear heels. 
  • I’m gay. 
  • You just made my boy parts get bigger. 
  • Not to be a dick or anything, but you have been kind of a whore. 
  • Eat my ass!
  • Wanna see me make a mangina? 
  • You fucked my brother. 
  • Whores don’t get cars. 
  • I wouldn’t exactly call it an orgy, but there were a lot of naked body parts flying around. 
  • You wish you had a dick as big as mine! 
  • Are you gonna put those in my ass? 
  • If you do this for me, I will dress up any way you want. No safety word. 
  • I was raised by a pack of wolves. 
  • I certainly hope you’re not pooping in there. It’s a closet. 
  • Can I get you something? Milk? Soda? A joint? It’s medicinal. 
  • Like you in the sack, make it quick. 
  • Did you purposely order a Sex on the Beach so I’d say it to the gay bartender? 
  • No. No way. I can’t handle anything in my ass without alcohol. 
  • The beard gets me laid. 
  • I haven’t had a drink for two days. Well, granted, I was unconscious. 
  • You’re hot, but it’s been a while since I’ve been with a dude. 
  • He was warm, like the inner thighs of an overworked hooker. 
  • He may look like he’s in a boy band, but he’s got a point. 
  • Let’s be honest, she’s my last chance at happiness, and that’s more important than video games and masturbation, right? 
  • I am not a religious man, but every now and then, a child comes along who makes me believe in the existence of Satan. 
  • I believe the answer to that question, like the answer to most questions, is fuck you. 
  • Keep laughing, or I will slit your throat in your sleep. 
  • Brush your teeth, I wanna play. 
  • Other than the presents and the booze, can you tell me three good reasons we should get married? 
  • Oh, don’t mind me. I accidentally took three of my pills instead of one. 
  • Well, if you need me, I’ll be in the bushes across the street stalking you.