i wish to see them live

I genuinely only like seeing the boys in public performances. Not preinterviews. Not post interview. Not pictures of them arriving somewhere. Not the promo before of after each event.

The only thing that has brought me joy from each member of One Direction going solo has been their public performances.

They are a band that made us all feel emotionally attached to the boys beyond their performances. Beyond public anything.

Part of me is so happy that they finally have the privacy and private lives they deserve.

Part of me wishes that they got to be both. Themselves and private.

I love One Direction so much. And I don’t know how to love them properly. I want to support who they’re supposed to be publicly so I don’t take anything from them. But when 90% of what’s being presented is the opposite of who I’ve grown to know all these boys to be… it hurts and it’s confusing. And I don’t want My One Direction back. I just want one direction to be able to be back and themselves in whichever way they want to share with us.

I just want them happy. And i don’t know how to reconsile all for the lies and sacrafices they’ve made and accepting that they’re happy when they might not be.

Above every joy one direction has ever given me. I want my four boys to be happy.

there was this couple at work today and they were so cute and they asked where I went to school and when I told them byu I could see their faces drop and get all guarded and I felt so bad that they’ve clearly had bad experiences as a wlw couple living in utah and felt like they had to be on the defense bc im mormon and I wish other members would get their acts together and actually act like Christ so that my existence as an lds person wouldn’t make people feel unsafe

The 9 Elements of a VILLAIN

If we’re being honest, one character is always the most fun to develop when you’re writing a new story. It must be the main character, right? The person you’re going to follow throughout the story, the one that means the most to you?

Nope. It’s the villain.

Villains are just FUN. You get to creep into the darkest corners of your writer brain and conjure up the most unashamedly detestable human being you possibly can. 

This is how we look when we begin creating a villain. 

But sometimes, it can be difficult to to make sure they’re fully believable humans. So here are the nine elements that have helped me out when developing these terrible people … 

1) Hero’s Shadow:

The relationship between the main character and the villain is the most important one in the story, because it is the source of all conflict. Without the villain causing trouble, the main character wouldn’t have the chance to be a hero. Without that trouble, the main character’s weaknesses wouldn’t be pressured, which means they couldn’t change. The villain is a condensed and magnified embodiment of the inner weakness that the hero is battling. They’re the SHADOW of hero, the example of what will happen if the main character goes down the wrong path. Both are facing the same problem in different ways. For example Darth Vader and Luke.  

2) Conflict Strategy:  

In the pursuit of stopping the hero from achieving their goal, the villain is going to attack them on 1) a personal relationship level 2) a societal level and 3) an inner level. They’re going to attack the people around them, they’re going to cause consequences for the community surrounding them, they’re going to get into their head and plague them. Because the hallmark of a villain is that they’re the person who’s perfectly suited to attack the hero’s greatest weakness. Villains should have a distinct set of tactics to destroy the main character, on at least two levels. 

3) Flaws: 

This one’s expected. Of course a villain has flaws, it’s in the job description. But flaws do not equate to ‘He kicks turtles every morning before breakfast’ or 'His favorite hobby is butterfly stomping’ or, more within the realm of possibility, “He wants to kill the hero”. These are evil actions, NOT flaws. A lot of villains, particularly in movies, will be given horrible things to do without any explanation for WHY they do them. And it’s pretty easy to give them reasons: just give them human weaknesses! That’s it. Whether the actions they take are as small as theft or as big as blowing up a planet, these actions stem from recognizable HUMAN FLAWS. So like a main character, a villain needs mental and moral flaws.  

Yup, even Maleficent has human flaws. And she’s a dragon part of the time. 

4) Counter Goal: 

All characters exist because they want something. And what do villains want? To get whatever the main character wants (for very different reasons), to stop them from reaching their goal, or another goal that directly conflicts with the hero’s goal. As long as that big tangible thing they want locks hero and villain in battle, you’re good. Think 101 Dalmatians: Cruella and the good guys are fighting over the puppies.  

5) Surface Motivations:  

Why is it that villains always have a team of followers? Because villains never outright state their true motivations. They always have a cover story, and that cover will paint them as righteous. Villains want to look like the good guy. So their real Hidden Motivations are defended by twisting perceptions of Good & Evil, by portraying evil acts in a positive light, by indulging their followers selfish emotions and desire to feel like “one of the good guys. " 

Take Gothel for example: she’s a loving mother who wants to protect her daughter from all the world’s darkness. (Sure you do, Flynn stabber.)  

Surface Motivations never stand up to logical scrutiny and a functioning moral compass, but giving your bad guy a compelling argument against your good side always makes things more interesting, which brings us to …

6) Counter Statement:

The main character needs to learn some kind of truth that will enable them to fix their lives, overcome their weaknesses, banish their ghosts. It’s whatever statement about "how to live a better life” you want to prove with your story. Your villain has other ideas. They don’t agree with that statement, have other beliefs about living life well, and represent an argument against it. For example, Voldemort: “there is no good and evil, there is only power, and those too weak to seek it." 

Although your argument isn’t very convincing, Voldy. I mean, you’re living in the back of some guy’s head.

7) Characterization: 

This is everything on the surface of the villain. The way they speak, the way they look, the way they act, their role in life, their status and power. This is the facade they project for the world to see, a calculated effort to control how they are perceived. This is closely connected to that surface want, because that surface is what they wish people to believe about them. Over time, the reader and the other characters are going to be able to see through this mask and see what it conceals. My favorite Disney example of this is Mother Gothel: on the surface she’s this bubbly mom who loves Rapunzel and wants to protect her from the harshness of the world. 

You can think of this as the text … 

8) Hidden Motivation: 

And this is the subtext. That surface motivation they want the world to believe is a mask concealing their true motivation, which is always rooted in their flaws,  selfishness, and skewed beliefs. 

9) Ghosts, Justification, Self-Obsession: 

These three are closely related, so they get counted together.
Like main characters, villains have GHOSTS: events from their backstories that knocked their worldviews out of alignment, that marked the beginning of their weaknesses, that haunt them still. Because these happened, the originally benign person allowed themselves to turn into someone who could occupy the job of "villain” in a story. Usually, these events are genuine misfortunes and are worthy of sympathy, just like the ghosts of a main character. Think of Voldemort growing up in an orphanage talking to snakes.

BUT! When it comes to ghosts, the major difference between a hero and a villain is HOW THEY DEAL with these unpleasant past events. Both have suffered, but react to suffering in very different ways. A villain will be consumed by these events, obsessed with the real (or imagined) persecution or disadvantage they’ve endured, convinced that all personal responsibility is nullified by their status of injured party. Past tragedies become a talisman that grants immunity from decency. 

This scene from A Series of Unfortunate Events sums it up.  An adult makes an excuse for a terrible person by saying he had a terrible childhood. And Klaus replies: 

Yes, maybe they’ve both lived through tragedy. But THE KIDS aren’t hurting others because of it. 

Because villains, who are constantly victimizing heroes, are completely convinced that THEY are the true victims here. No matter what they do, no matter what they are, they blame everything on that ghost, whether it was another person, society, or circumstances. And later they blame the hero, who they see as the REAL villain. For example, Frollo from The Hunchback of Notre Dame:  

“It’s not my fault, I’m not to blame”

So! WHY are villains like this?

SELF-OBSESSION! Yup, villains spend an unhealthy amount of time thinking about themselves and their plights and their plots. Think of any villain and it’s not hard to see the inherent narcissism behind everything they do. Like willingness to take action is the nonnegotiable trait of a main character, self-obsession is the trait that all villains seem to share. 

So! Developing villains in this way has worked out for me so far. If it looks like it might be helpful for you, give it a try.

And in the spirit of creating someone to torment our main characters and ruin their lives, here’s one more maniacal laugh for the road:

I wish it need not have happened in my time,’ said Frodo.
‘So do I,’ said Gandalf, 'and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.’
- J.R.R. Tolkien, The Shadow of the Past, The Fellowship of the Ring

The Signs as Quotes

Aries“I’m seventeen and I’m crazy. My uncle says the two always go together. When people ask your age, he said, always say seventeen and insane.”

Taurus: “I’ll be more human when I am settled in my snow and silence.”

Gemini: “It’s rare to meet someone with a mind just as beautiful as their face”

Cancer: “The only way of knowing a person is to love them without hope.”

Leo: “Confidence is quiet. Insecurities are loud.”

Virgo: “Sometimes skulls are thick. Sometimes hearts are vacant. Sometimes words don’t work.”

Libra: “Dusk: a blade of honey between our shadows, draining”

Scorpio: “The only thing I know is this: I am full of wounds and still standing on my feet.”

Sagittarius: “I’ll live how I want, I’ll die how I please; move aside if you can’t take responsibility for me.”

Capricorn: “I’ve been working so hard that I’m exhausted… I feel I won’t be able to do without a few weeks’ rest, so I’m going off to see the sea.“

Aquarius: “At dawn my soul lives forever, at dusk I bathe in eternity.”

Pisces: “I wish that photographs were physical spaces, like tunnels; that you could crawl inside them and go back.”

100 Ways to Say ‘I Hate You’

I saw a post about 100 ways to say ‘I love you’, so I thought I’d make the anti-version if it doesn’t exist already. Roleplayers, send these to each other for angst reasons! Tw for emotional abuse, language, and some major rejection themes, though some  them are joking and could be used for friendly rivals or pals who play-insult one another. Change or add pronouns as necessary.

  1. “You’re a disappointment to me.”
  2. “I don’t care if you live or die.”
  3. “I used to care about you. Now? I regret every second I wasted.”
  4. “How do you think I feel? I’m pissed off!”
  5. “Go. Just go.”
  6. “If you come back, I won’t be here.”
  7. “I’ve never despised someone as much as I despise you.”
  8. “Ha! You think I care about you? What do you think I am, desperate?”
  9. “I regret ever saying ‘hello’.”
  10. “Leave and don’t come back, ever.”
  11. “Remember when we first met? I wish I didn’t.”
  12. “You’re the worst mistake I’ve ever made.”
  13. “Don’t touch me. Don’t even look at me.” “You took months/years of my life away. I’ll never get those back.”
  14. “I saw a trash bag on the side of the road today. Reminded me of you.”
  15. “I could have been doing so much better than wasting my time with you.”
  16. “You’re a sick bastard, you know that?”
  17. “I don’t care.”
  18. “Go ahead, leave. Don’t worry about coming back.”
  19. “You’re such a piece of shit.”
  20. “I didn’t think you could be any more of a shithead, but you just proved me wrong.”
  21. “You’re so stupid.”
  22. “Why do I waste my time with you?”
  23. “You’re not the person I thought you were.”
  24. “Hey! Just a daily reminder: you’re a piece of shit!”
  25. “I deserve so much better.”
  26. “We’re not friends. We were never friends!”
  27. “I pretended to like you because I felt bad for you! How did you fall for that?”
  28. “I never want to see you again.”
  29. “You’ve done nothing but make my life a living hell.”
  30. “Don’t apologize - you don’t deserve my forgiveness!”
  31. “No, I’m never giving you another chance!”
  32. “I wish you were never born.”
  33. “You’re the last person I wanted to see right now.”
  34. “I’d rather be working with anyone else in the whole world right now.”
  35. “When you get back, your shit’s gonna be on the front lawn. Take it and get out.”
  36. “Go ahead, choose them! You deserve each other.”
  37. “I don’t know what they see in you.”
  38. “You’re an embarrassment to me.”
  39. “You’re an embarrassment to all of us.”
  40. “I wish it was you. I wish it was you to die instead of them.”
  41. “God, why did I have to end up working with the biggest asshole in the world?”
  42. “How could you think I ever loved you? You seriously think I’d sink that low?”
  43. “Sorry, I just puked in my mouth a bit. I accidentally looked at your face.”
  44. “How can you even live with yourself?”
  45. “If I was your mirror, I’d break myself just so you would throw me in the trash and I wouldn’t have to look at you.”
  46. “Being with you was the worst time of my life.”
  47. “You’re a monster.”
  48. “Not a day goes by that I don’t wake up wishing I was dead because of you.”
  49. “I’m going to ruin your fucking life.”
  50. “You said you would change, but you never did! You never will!”
  51. “Some people are just born to fail. Sorry you’re one of the unlucky ones.”
  52. “You’re so worthless, you hardly even exist to me.”
  53. “I wish I could go back to the day I met you, and just walk away.”
  54. “If you give me that look one more time, I’m skipping jump-rope with your large intestines.”
  55. “Honestly, I’m embarrassed to even know you.”
  56. “Ugh, it smells like something died in here. Oh. It’s just you.”
  57. “You need to stop. You hurt everyone around you!”
  58. “Until you get your shit together, I don’t want to hear you complain.”
  59. “Look at you. You’re disgusting.”
  60. “Stop making me look bad.”
  61. “You have a face that makes me wish punching people wasn’t frowned upon in our society.”
  62. “Shut your mouth. I don’t want to hear your obnoxious voice.”
  63. “Go play in traffic.”
  64. “Fuck off.”
  65. “If I saw you in the ocean clinging to a log for safety, I’d save the log and let you drown. At least wood can become something useful, like toilet paper.”
  66. “How could I ever love something as terrible and hideous as you?”
  67. “I can’t even look at you right now.”
  68. “It was all a lie.”
  69. “I never loved you, and I never will.”
  70. “Don’t try to beg. It won’t work.”
  71. “You’re not worth the mud on the bottom of my shoes.”
  72. “Look at you. You’re pathetic. I’ve never seen a sadder sight.”
  73. “I’m going to hurt you slowly, and I’m going to enjoy every second of it.”
  74. “For what you did to them, I’ll do the same to you.”
  75. “An apology? You want to offer an apology? No. I don’t accept it.”
  76. “You’re everything I hate in a person.”
  77. “I wish you were dead.”
  78. “You’re nothing to me. Less than nothing!”
  79. “What a sad sack of shit you are.”
  80. “My life is in fucking shambles thanks to you!”
  81. “How could you? You bastard!”
  82. “I’d rather eat sewage than ever touch you again.”
  83. “Hey asshole, I’m here to ruin your day, just like I did yesterday and the day before that.”
  84. “You’d be more useful if you weren’t even alive.”
  85. “Hey, it’s my least favorite waste of space.”
  86. “Every day that I woke up next to you, I was tempted to smother you with a pillow while you slept.”
  87. “Love you? Don’t make me laugh.”
  88. “Just thinking about you makes me sick to my stomach.”
  89. “You deserve a slow and painful death for what you’ve done.”
  90. “I can’t stand people like you.”
  91. “Stop doing that thing. You know, that thing I hate. Breathing.”
  92. “If I could trade you for a nest of angry wasps, you would be long gone.”
  93. “I can’t wait to dance on your grave.”
  94. “If we were the last two people on earth, I’d be subtracting one.”
  95. “I never want to see the likes of your filth around here again.”
  96. “I’m disgusted by you.”
  97. “Fuck you!”
  98. “If I ever see you again, it will be far too soon.”
  99. “I have three words for you: Burn. In. Hell.”
  100. “I hate you.”
PRIDE MONTH 2017 READING LIST

Looking for some YA books with queer main characters to read during pride month? Here’s a list of titles I’ve read and/or heard great things about. Most of these were published within the past year or so. Feel free to add on!

You Know Me Well by David Levithian and Nina LaCour

Two classmates, one gay and the other lesbian, meet during pride month in San Francisco and help each other through relationship problems.

 Tell me Again How a Crush Should Feel by Sara Farizan

Finally! A cute F/F novel where no lesbians die in the end! The main character is an Iranian American with traditional parents.

 Last Seen Leaving by Caleb Roehrig

Mystery/thriller about a closeted gay boy who’s girlfriend goes missing, and he becomes the focus of her disappearance. I can usually figure out what happened in mystery novels early on but this one had me guessing until the very last page.

The Abyss Surrounds Us and The Edge of the Abyss by Emily Skrutskie

Lesbian pirates and sea monsters. Need I say more?

When the Moon Was Ours by Anna-Marie McLemore

This one’s like reading a modern day fairy tell starring a trans boy named Sam, who’s family immigrated from Pakistan, and a Latina girl named Miel who grows flowers out of her wrists. And there’s a glass coffin. It’s super creepy.

Queens of Geek by Jen Wilde

Y’all, this is set at SupaCon (like Comic Con!). There are two narrators. Charlie, an Asian movie star who is bisexual, and Taylor, a blogger who has ASP.

Radical by E.M. Kokie

This one’s a little darker. It’s about a butch lesbian doomsday prepper who accidently gets involved in a dangerous plot that could get her and her family into some serious trouble. I liked this book because Bex’s views about guns are completely different than mine. But that’s why we read, right? To learn about people who are different from you.

 Of Fire and Stars by Audrey Coulthurst

This book was pitched to me as a fantasy book about a princess betrothed to a prince but she falls in love with his sister. It’s pretty good.

PS: Dear Mrs. Coulthurst, thank you for Chapter 34

 10 Things I Can See From Here by Carrie Mac

A f/f story set in Vancouver about a girl with anxiety who goes to live with her dad and falls in love with a musician.

 How to Make a Wish by Ashley Herring Blake

Like Sarah Dessen? You’ll love How to Make a Wish! It’s about a girl, who’s bisexual, who falls in love with a biracial dancer. It’s part love story, part mother-daughter story and super amazing and emotional!

 History Is All You Left Me by Adam Silvera

Keep your tissues close. You’ll need them. Griffin’s ex-boyfriend, Theo, drowns and he’s left devastated. He grows close to Theo’s boyfriend, Jackson, who is one of the few people who knows what he’s going through.

We Are Okay by Nina LaCour

Speaking of tissues, you’ll also need them for Nina LaCour’s latest YA/NA crossover. Marin is staying at school alone for Christmas holidays and her best friend Mabel comes to visit. It’s a tear jerker but also amazing and beautifully written.

The Upside of Unrequited by Becky Albertalli

I’m gonna cheat with this one because the main character isn’t queer. BUT she has two moms, they’re a biracial couple, her twin sister is a lesbian, and the sister’s girlfriend is pansexual. And her moms’ wedding is a big part of the plot. Great book to read during pride month!

Dreadnought by April Daniels

Superhero novel with a main character who’s transgender and a lesbian. I’ve read this and heard mixed reviews but for the most part, it’s a good book if you like superheroes.

The Better to Kiss You With by Michelle Osgood

This is a f/f story that I’m not entirely sure how to categorize. It’s part paranormal romance, part mystery/thriller, but could also be NA. The love interest is a butch lesbian who’s a werewolf!

Girl Mans Up by M-E Girard

Main character is a butch lesbian who comes from a traditional Portuguese family.

The Cursed Queen by Sarah Fine

If you’re a Clexa shipper, you’ll love The Cursed Queen. A fantasy novel with a bisexual main character who falls in love with her chieftain’s daughter. You can’t help but fall in love with Ansa and Thrya. And the best part? No dead queer girls!

a softer world sentence starters.
  • ❛ some people are so good at disappearing that you start to doubt your memories that they were ever there. ❜ 
  • ❛ how do you say goodbye to someone who was never there? ❜
  • ❛ i don’t want a world without pain, or loss. i just want them to mean something. ❜
  • ❛ there are some people who believe a photo captures their soul. ❜
  • ❛ if you love something let it go. ❜
  • ❛ you were not the first, you will not be the last. ❜
  • ❛ there are some secrets i will take to my grave, but i don’t want loving you to be one of them. ❜
  • ❛ you can still back out before anyone gets hurt. ❜
  • ❛ i said i’d love you forever, and really meant it at the time. i guess that’s my problem. ❜
  • ❛ kindness won’t save anyone. ❜
  • ❛ for a long time i thought i deserved better. but the truth is we both deserve better than this. ❜
  • ❛ i wish there was a word that meant “goodbye” for someone who was already gone. ❜
  • ❛ i never meant to hurt you. you have to believe me. ❜
  • ❛ we’ll always have yesterday. ❜
  • ❛ hope softens the rough edge of every promise. ❜
  • ❛ love is stupid. happiness is admitting we aren’t better than stupid. ❜
  • ❛ you can’t always want what you get. ❜
  • ❛ i wish i had a dollar for every dollar’s worth of work i did. ❜
  • ❛ we are empty inside and hollow. hoping something sweet will make its nest in us. ❜
  • ❛ we’re too far from help. ❜
  • ❛ monsters are even more scary when you see them afraid. ❜
  • ❛ we carry our own loneliness with us. ❜ 
  • ❛ fake happiness beats genuine misery. ❜
  • ❛ they always trust me to be someone who i don’t even want to be. ❜
  • ❛ i cannot see where i want to go, only that i want the going.❜
  • ❛ you are never here. you are always almost there. ❜
  • ❛ you and me will die the way we lived, telling ourselves stories to make it mean something. ❜

Air Signs - I love the way that your mind works, intricate cogs working tirelessly within your mind, conveying thoughts, concepts, strokes of genius each bigger and brighter than the one before. I admire the determination you hold for social justice, the way that you fight for a seat at the table to discuss your thoughts and ideas no matter who tries to put you down. You can be as strong as a hurricane or as graceful as a butterfly.

Fire Signs - Your warmth can be both gentle or overwhelming. I love that your personality can be comforting like a warm living room fire, or it could almost numb the senses with bonfire-like intensity. Your passion and desire is second to none and inspires a spark in even the coldest person’s heart. You provide warmth to the newborn infant, you strike fire into the heart of the revolutionary.

Earth Signs - How I wish I could see just how deep your roots grow. Your soil is rich and fertile, giving life to revolutionary ideas and setting them in motion every day. You are organised in your chaos, you grit your teeth and bare through where others would call it quits. You have the power tear the world down and the ability to build it back from scratch, don’t let anyone confine you to cheap labels.

Water Signs - Your waters may be murky at times, but when the dust settles and everything becomes clear - oh how beautiful it is to see through your lens. You hold such depth, depths that nobody else can reach. You remain a mystery to everybody else while working in your own intricate way, embracing the chaos in your emotion and loving every ounce. You hold an entire world within you, with the power to drown it out or bring life to the planet.

Most people think on this anniversary that two buildings came down that day and 2,753 innocent lives were lost [in New York City]. … But since then, about 2,000 [more] people have died because of their illnesses. They, too, are heroes. And in many ways — I talk to a lot of them — they wish they would have died that day, because what they have had to go through and fight, not only their illnesses but the bureaucracy and the poor leadership, and to see their other friends pass away from Sept. 11-related illnesses. These men and women have been through the ringer, through the mill. …

We call ourselves the greatest nation in the world. But yet we have a strange way of repeating history, and letting veterans come home from war, or 9/11 responders, or just responders now across the nation, how they sacrifice themselves and then we don’t take care of them. That’s sad.

—  John Feal, 9/11 first responder and activist, with Terry Gross 

anonymous asked:

make a list of cute drarry things?

okay. I hope this is what you meant? lmao soz if it isn’t

  • Constant touching!
  • Srsly they’re always touching in some way (hand holding, leaning against each other, etc.)
  • Draco and Hermione slowly becoming best friends. (dramione is my brotp)
  • Soft, gentle kisses, as if they’re afraid to break each other.
  • Harry showing Draco disney movies and Draco being confused.
  • “How are the animals talking, Potter?”
  • Draco laying his head in Harry’s lap while they watch tv and Harry playing with his hair.
  • Harry telling Draco about his childhood and Draco wondering how he turned out to be such a nice person.
  • Them talking about hogwarts, wondering how Harry didn’t see how obviously infatuated Draco was with him.
  • Draco apologising to Harry for everything he’s done, Harry forgiving them, and them becoming friends.
  • The more time they spend together the more Harry falls for him. (and Draco was already in love with him.)
  • For their wedding vows they just said “scared, Potter?” “You wish.”
  • Draco getting narcissus flowers tattooed over his dark mark and adding lilies to it.
  • Harry calling Draco “Potter.” for about a month after they get married
  • Even though their last name is Malfoy-Potter.
  • Harry and Draco adopting a grey tabby cat (literally every time I imagine them living together they have a cat sue me.)
  • And them naming it Mcgonagall.
  • Harry dancing to music while he cooks dinner
  • Draco stares at him fondly whenever he walks in on this
  • And Harry forces him to join in sometimes.
  • HARRY TEACHING DRACO ABOUT MUGGLE APPLIANCES
  • “The toast attacked me, Potter!”
  • Harry and Draco being happy and in love huhhhhhh

Listen. Listen. It’s okay not to be your ideal person right now. It’s okay not to be anyone’s ideal person right now. I keep seeing posts about like “you’re someone’s perfect person” or “you’re someone’s fantasy” and everyone is reblogging them with “lol I sure wish they’d speak up then because I’m pretty sure I’m not” and it’s so frustrating because of COURSE you aren’t. That would suck. Ideals exist as things to strive toward, and if you were already there you wouldn’t have much to do or anywhere to go.

Allow yourself character development. Allow yourself the full length of a story to get there. You’re still living the story, you don’t need to be at a perfect resolution yet.

V’s feelings

So, I just finished another Day 9 chatroom, and I really felt like I needed to pour my thoughts into this and create another analysis.


First and foremost, I would like to willingly admit my bias towards V, so that the rest of you can point out flaws in my argument if you feel I was using more emotion and less practicality. This is an open discussion where we can all come together to share our opinions, so please feel free to!!!


Now, as for V’s feelings. ..It seemed that today, I couldn’t stop thinking about what V had said regarding his love being obsession. Of course, I was incredibly pleased with Cheritz for adressing this and making sure the fans know that V’s idea of love is unhealthy and should not be romanticised!!!


But I, like many before me, assumed that he and Rika started out loving one another like any regular couple before everything descended into the seventh circle of hell. We had no reason to think otherwise.


However, the route seems to indicate that V was that infatuated with Rika from a very early stage, though the tendencies perhaps didn’t show up until later on.


I sat back for a moment and had to remember how to breathe as my brain started to peice together the implications.


V, someone most of the fandom has marvelled at for his unconditional love, doesn’t know how to love.


V doesn’t understand love as much as Rika doesn’t. The only people who truly loved him were his deceased mother and Jumin before the RFA.


It took a while for this to sink in, because before this, no one in the fandom knew how utterly and completely lost in the world V actually is.


We had assumed that everything was due to the common side effects of being a domestic abuse victim. And while partially true, we now know that V is much, MUCH more complicated.



V does not understand the world or himself. I have made SEVERAL previous points touching on the fact that V’s infatuation with Rika can’t possibly be regarded anywhere near what a mentally stable person should feel. The fact that he’s not OK and probably never was, even going as far as to theorise about his familial life.


Basically; V, head of RFA, does not know who is and what the hell he’s doing. He stumbles upon Rika, and immediately decides that his life is for her; that loving her wholly and devoting himself to her is the purpose of his entire existence.


Let me rephrase that, for those that do not understand just how intense this is: V literally thought that his purpose in life was to love Rika and give himself completely to her; to let her hurt and destroy him, to let her pick him apart and ruin him whenever it was she wishes.


This isn’t even because Rika implied something- he was always this way. And when the implications came up, he seemed absolutely unphased and accepting of it. That’s… That’s so fucking heartbreaking.


Rika fed into that part of V; she longed for someone to “save” her from the devil within, which even “God” could not save her from, in her words. This encouraged V’s unhealthy infatuation and solidified the idea that, yes; his purpose in life was to be her sun until she wished to extinguish him completely.


This went on going until Rika’s “devil” finally became suffocated by V’s “love”, and she had to flee. (Important to note that she left V because of this, but she did not start Mint Eye due to this. Mint Eye had already been in progression far before this! I’ll link to the post describing that soon.)



Now, V obviously regrets it. He goes into this state of depressing self contemplation and tells the MC that he regrets attempting to love anyone. He regrets allowing himself to share in the joy of love. I had never felt so heartbroken from a VN like this since Seven’s Route. ..


Anyway. MC goes on to say this;


In the first picture, we can see that V and Rika are similar in that way; both wished desperately to experience love, but it was a love that was false and ended in agony. V fell in love with the idea of love so pure and selfless like the sun, something he longed to experience himself- Rika fell in love with the idea of being loved and understood by someone. To me, at least, both fell in love with their wishes and ideals, and they lived that through one another.


And I think the MC is right when she says that their love was tragic. Remember, neither of them ever loved anyone else before, as far as we all know. And this first experience for them was DISASTROUS and damaging. V’s sense of self is even lesser than before



Here we see V wallowing in guilt and self hatred. He scolds himself for ever thinking that he could love someone properly. He scolds himself for ever thinking he deserves love.


He is a broken man- peices of a puzzle that refuse to fit with one another, photographs that tell a disconnected story and incomplete paintings riddled with tear drops.


For all the innocence of character Yoosung and Rika portray, according to Cheritz… V seems pretty innocent as well. He tries to build his way up- tries to fill a void in his soul and tries to save others because he’s too afraid of the idea of saving himself.


I believe Rika when she says that V’s love only made her worse because it “threathened [her] devil” , even though I firmly believe she fed into it continuously and that her actions (hurting V and starting Mint Eye, brainwashing vulnerable people into it) are her own and hers alone. However; I don’t believe her at all when she says that V only wants to sacrifice himself for the sake of nobility. I believe that she believes it, but I don’t agree with it myself.


Because here we see a V that’s so willing to figure out just why he was born in this world- a V who knows not who is nor why he is there, and who cares less about himself than Jaehee does about Elizabeth the Third. He truly wants to put an end to what he believes he started.


And I’m going to end this post on that note. I might make another couple of posts regarding Rika, Ray, and V in general because there’s a lot to sort through in this route. Thank you for reading and I hope you guys are enjoying this route as much as I do!


-Phil

when we were seven years old and red-cheeked at the sunrise of our lives, i wrote you a letter and slipped it in your schoolbag when no one was looking. catholic school nuns taught us that god is always watching and maybe god saw me do it. back then i didn’t care. now i’m not sure if he even exists. still i believe that if god did exist, he wouldn’t give a damn about a love letter a girl wrote for another girl.

it wasn’t exactly a letter.

it was a poem i stole from a book i can no longer name because i didn’t write poetry yet and i wouldn’t until much, much later. i was the first person you showed it to. i swallowed my heart and framed a boy classmate who liked you.

i thought i’d gotten away with it.

we were alone after class as always when you said, “you wrote it, didn’t you?” for the first time, i became acquainted with the sensation of crashing. scrambled insides. a soul inverted. i still don’t know how i managed to laugh like it was a joke. i denied everything. i think you believed me.

i kind of wish you hadn’t.

time led us to different places and different lives. i dropped the sketchpad and picked up the textbooks, traded the dream of artist for neurosurgeon. i misplaced pieces of myself. i found new parts. i wrote a poem for the very first time. i lost myself in the lips of people who don’t even know your name and wrote poetry about them.

i forgot about you.

we are seventeen years old on the cusp of the midday of our lives when i see you again. it’s seven-thirty in the morning by the old school. your classes have already started and yet there you are, strolling like you can stop time at any moment. you don’t even look at me but the snapshot of you mid-step, framed by the early morning sunlight, rushes at me like a sucker punch and i find that i can barely breathe.

you grew up.

your beauty once crept on people. soft and gentle. moonlight. now it turns stranger’s heads. glittering and dangerous. you are the sun trapped in a vessel. your light might blind me but i want to keep looking at you.

i want to greet you good morning and ask you how you’re doing. i keep walking.

it’s shallow but i fall in love with pretty strangers all the time and you’re no exception. you were my best friend once but now you might as well be anyone, and anyone is easy to forget. so i almost forget you again but it seems like something out there doesn’t want me to, because you find me on instagram, of all places. i can only feed on so many glimpses of a life that has nothing to do with me until the urge to hear your voice again overwhelms the fear in my veins.

i type: how are you? do you remember me? 

i type: do you remember the letter?

but all i send is: hi.

— a letter i will never send | the list of people i’ve fallen for | OCEAN M.

anonymous asked:

Top 5 interactions you wish would happen?

Oooooh well. This gonna be a good (and probably very obvious) one.

1. BOKUTO AND OIKAWA. LISTEN. L I S T E N. I live and breath Bokuoi, they are the shape of my soul, my sun and stars, the light of my life, my one true guilty pleasure, my ultimate rare pair, I’ll give up everything for them ok???? #1 is not even enough, they’re in a league of their own and honestly this top 5 should be only Bokuto and Oikawa in all the 5 places because I’ll legit pay money to see them interact I just…need this so badly, it’s my only wish. No one could ever compare to them ok I love them so much !!!!!!!!!

2. Kuroo and Oikawa. This could be the greatest power friendship that world has ever seen or a complete train wreck. I honestly have a weakness for the first, let the Tokyo-Miyagi axis rise! They would simply JUDGE EXTRA HARD everyone, have a shit ton of inside jokes, pull the lamest pranks and talk about hair products 24/7. Salty, sassy, snaky, together they are just PERFECT

3. Bokuto and Kenma. Oh, I have a huge soft spot for this one. I’m genuinely curious of what they think of each other, if they enjoy each other company, if they ever talk to each other. I feel like they could get along really well, even surprisingly so. Bokuto is surely loud, but I think that Kenma would find his built quite comforting, almost a safe place to hide. Also whenever Kuroo and Kenma fight, I’m sure that Bokuto ALWAYS takes Kenma’s side. Idk I’m so weak for Bokuto being all protective with him and Kenma letting himself be protected by him <3 

4. The captain squad. OF COURSE. We all read national hod dad alliance (if you haven’t please do, it’s a fandom classic) and seeing Bokuto, Oikawa, Kuroo, Daichi and Ushijima interacting all together would be the ultimate blessing. @Furudate….please….I’m begging you. But, in the meantime…COLLEGE AU, COLLEGE AU, COLLEGE AU!!!!!! 

Originally posted by angrytobio

5. The next gen captain squad. Have you ever read fresh or something? Well, DO. Ennoshita, Yahaba, Akaashi, Shirabu, Terushima, Futakichi…all together are an explosive match. In the fic they organize a little day of tournament together and, honestly??? YES PLEASE ???? This is the most competitive and sassiest generation of captains ever, I’m sure their interactions would be LIT AF (also I low key ship some of them but that’s another story)

Thank you for your messages!

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