i wish this was easier to see out of

If only it was that easy, Susan…


The thing you have to understand about deep sadness is – it’s a form of pain. It’s emotional pain and it is just as real and just as detrimental as physical pain, except that it’s harder to treat and it often lasts longer.
It’s one of those things that you can so easily fall into and never climb out of. It traps you, it isolates you… and people don’t understand it. They try… but they get frustrated or hurt when they don’t seem to make a difference after a while. For some reason physical pain is far more accepted by other people because there’s often evidence of it they can physically see like a wound or a scar, whereas emotional pain is looked upon as self-indulgent or just a plain old negative attitude.
I wish it was something people could see so they could understand it better… It would be so much easier if that heaviness you feel was a physical thing, like literal baggage you had to carry around with you instead of just the emotional kind… Because if it was something sizable that physically weighed you down, people could understand why it’s so hard to get out of bed in the morning.
It would be so much easier if sadness caused your face to dry out and go brittle… just so it would crack and bleed whenever you smiled. Perhaps then people would see how much it hurts when everyone else around you to laughs and smiles and you feel you have to as well so you can fit in.
Or perhaps if sadness caused your eyesight to darken and happiness was a blinding light that burnt your eyes if you suffered from it, people would understand why we so often look away or avoid happy people altogether.
But it’s one of those things nobody can see and you can never put into words for anybody else to understand but you – and that is precisely why it is so isolating. Sometimes the most helpful and understanding thing somebody can do for you is simply accept that you suffer from something they can’t understand, and not expect more than you’re capable of. I know that without physical evidence, deep sadness is difficult to understand… but acceptance is just as helpful. To know that how you’re feeling is accepted by somebody – even if they don’t understand it – takes away that constant pressure to pretend to be how you think people want you to be so you can focus your energy into healing at your own pace.
I ran out of toothpaste today and I know it’s silly but I thought of you because you always reminded me to buy more and you always made things easier.
I’m just trying to take care of myself without you.
I’m just trying to breathe without you.
But it’s gotten harder since I remember the way you said ‘I love you’ and nobody holds me like you did.
And my mom says that if it’s mean to be it will be but you don’t see it the way I do and I wish I never met you so I could forget how you slept next to me so I wouldn’t need a random stranger in your spot.
What I’m trying to say is I ran out of toothpaste and it’s been months since I’ve heard your voice but I can still hear the way you said my name when I think of you.
—  Nobody Could Replace You

I am FINALLY done with this. Hope you guys enjoy it, please let me know if you do, your comments are very much appreciated. Lots of love, B xx

Originally posted by hotsauceharry


It’s all he can see when he looks at you. It’s the color that paints your lips and it’s the only thing he’s been able to think about all night long.

When he picked you up earlier tonight, on your way to a dinner with a group of friends, his eyes had zoomed in on your lips the second you opened the car door to greet him - while you stepped inside and leaned in to say hello, placing a chaste and pert kiss on his cheek, his eyes followed your lips as you came closer.

“What color is that? Crimson? Bright red?” Is what he thinks, the shades of it swirling in his mind. He doesn’t know and he’s tempted to ask you but to do that was to show he’s been paying more attention to you than he’s got the right to and maybe it’d give you the wrong impression - he’s not interested in your lipstick but more on the way the color makes your lips look full and incredibly inviting.

Biting onto his bottom lip after greeting you quickly, his eyes fleet to his rear view mirror, spotting the patch of skin close to his jaw where you had placed your kiss - a lipstick mark remains, the shape of your lips stamped onto his skin in a bright shade of red.

The sight gave him goose bumps and he couldn’t explain why, but when you leaned forward on his front seat, the visor pulled down so you could look in the mirror and make sure your lipstick was not smudged, Harry felt his stomach sink - images of you on your knees, eyes hazy and lips swollen while you suck on his cock with greedy, swollen and red painted lips, leaving a stain on his length, invaded his mind without his permission and he feels his cock twitch in his pants, heat rising underneath his skin.

Keep reading

send my muse a pick up line
  • We’re going to dance to one song, then go back to my apartment and fuck.
  • You might be asked to leave soon. You are making the other women look bad.
  • What do I have to do to be your booty call?
  • What has 36 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? My zipper.
  • With my IQ and your body, we could make a race of superchildren!
  • When I’m older, I’ll look back at all of my crowning memories, and I’ll think of the day my children were born, the day I got married, and the day that I met you.
  • That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor tomorrow morning.
  • Since we’ve been told to reduce waste these days, what you say we use these condoms in my pocket before they expire.
  • Your ass is so nice that it is a shame that you have to sit on it.
  • Were do you hide your wings?
  • Sit on my lap and we’ll get things straight between us.
  • Sit on my face and let me get to ‘nose’ you better?
  • You know what material this is? [Grab your shirt] Boyfriend material.
  • There are 265 bones in the human body. How would you like one more?
  • Your shirt has to go, but you can stay.
  • Hey, tie your shoes! I don’t want you falling for anyone else.
  • Wanna play midget boxing? You get down on your knees and give me a couple blows!
  • Your place or mine? Tell you what? I’ll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours.
  • Would you like Gin and platonic, or do you prefer Scotch and sofa?
  • So, what are the chances of my balls slappin’ your ass tonight?
  • We’ll probably never see each other again, so let’s screw.
  • Wanna play “kite”? I lay down, you blow and we’ll see how high you can make me.
  • Will you be my girlfrien? I left out the ‘d’ cause you’ll get that later!
  • Which is easier? You getting into those tight pants or getting you out of them?
  • The FBI wants to steal my penis. Can I hide it inside you?
  • So, what are the chances that we can engage in anything more than just conversation?
  • You make me wish I weren’t gay!
  • Writes on a napkin: “Smile if you want to have sex with me.”
  • The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to fuck you on the floor.
  • Wanna play Army? I lay down and you blow the hell outta me.
  • What is your favorite color? [Color] Mine too! Seems like we are soulmates.
  • Will you marry me for just one night?
  • Wanna play carnival? You sit on my face and I guess how much you weigh.
  • The only thing I want between our relationship is latex.
  • What are you doing tonight beside me?
  • Wanna fuck like bunnies?
  • Try me once and if you don’t like it, what have you wasted?
  • What, six hours of your life? It’d be more if you want foreplay.
  • You know the more I drink, the prettier you get!
  • You look like trash, may I take you out?
Don't Leave Me (Arranged Marriage AU Jungkook)

Originally posted by jengkook

Type: Angst (sorta)Fluff

Request: Hi I was wondering if you could do an arranged marriage scenario with jungkook from bts, where he doesn’t love reader at first but she’s always there for him and he’s always with other girls until she tries to leave and he realizes that he loves her. Sorry if that doesn’t make sense to you or if your not taking requests then never mind, ps love your writing.

You sighed as you pulled up to the club. “There’s my wife!” you hear as you turn to see Jeongguk, sadly your husband as he had his arm wrapped around a girl. “Thanks for picking us up” he coos as he moves to wrap his arms around you. You stepped away watching him nearly fall before standing straight “come on” he said grabbing the girl’s are before you stopped him “no only you” you tell him as he nodded. “Alright bye bye” he waved as he stumbled to the car.

“You’re so nice for driving out for me” Jeongguk stated as he sat in the back of the car. “Well the 23 calls times it hard to ignore your drunk ass” you tell him as he laughs lightly. “You know I don’t like being married” he continues as you sigh. “I know neither do I” you say. “I wish we could divorce life would be easier. I could have my life back” he says as you scoff “tell me about it” you shot back as you looked through the rearview to see him already passed out. Pulling into the driveway and into the garage and you simply got out of the car leaving him back there.


You smiled at your computer as you read an email from ‘J-Hope’ he was one of Jeongguk’s good buddies who felt bad for you being with someone who didn’t love you. The two of weren’t secretly dating or anything but wanted to help you out with getting away for a bit. The door to the garage opened as Jeongguk came in rubbing his neck. You didn’t even glance up from your computer and sipped your coffee. “Why was I in the back of the car?” he asked as he glared at you. “I couldn’t lift you out” you state as you sent an email back to Hoseok befor you put your laptop on sleep. “I have a horrible cramp-” “yeah yeah bitch to one of your sluts” you tell him as you head to your room to get ready for the day.

Your laptop made sound and Jeongguk felt curious as to who was emailing you at 7 in the morning. Glancing back down the hall he rushed to the computer as moved his finger against the mouse pad watching it light back up. He saw his friend’s email address clear there. ‘I’ll get you when Kook leaves this evening for the new club he heard about. He wouldn’t shut up about it. Make sure you’re packed and I’ll take you to the airport’ it read as he seemed shocked. “What?” he asked himself as he went to your browser and to your history as he saw that you had looked up a few different things ‘divorce lawyers(many) and great places to get away to’ he heard the door open as he closed the browser and put the computer on sleep before he got up and moved away.


You looked at your phone and saw that it was 9 PM already. You glanced over and saw that Jeongguk hadn’t budged from his spot on the couch. “Aren’t you leaving?” you asked as he made a sound. “Don’t feel like it” he spoke. “You not feeling up to party? You must be sick” you state as he looks up at you “maybe” he spoke as he watched your fingers type something on your phone. “Who are you talking to?” “None of your business so don’t bother” you say as you stood up leaving the living room as he sighs.

He didn’t know why he was feeling the need to have you stay but he did. Jeongguk had been craving his complete bachelor lifestyle back but at the same time he didn’t want to be alone. You came back our of your room with clear annoyance on your face before sitting back down “you know we’re having brunch with our mothers tomorrow-” “sadly” you mumble “do you want to invite them over?” he asked “no” you tell him “they would want a tour and see we sleep in different rooms. You have a pile of clothing that my parents know I wouldn’t step foot anywhere in front of your bedroom. Oh the personal favorite the collection of whore jewelry you’ve tried to pass off to me because we both know your mom would snoop through my jewelry box” you say as he sighs. “I don’t need people knowing about what I’ve been married to for the past two years" you tell him. “Yeah why did you wait two years to do something about it?” he growls annoyed.

“What?” you asked as he began panicking “how do you know about that?” you ask as he looks away “you privacy invading prick” “yeah? So what? You wouldn’t be sitting her right now if I didn’t” he almost yells. “You have no right to make me stay here. I tried to make this work for so long Jeongguk but its getting unbearable. I don’t like picking you up with your drunken one night stands. I don’t like hearing about what you did last night with her. I don’t like having to smile when I want to hide away and cry because my no good husband flirts with women right in front of me” you yelled by the end after having a normal tone but anger built itself up. “I’m done being with you” you tell him as he stood there quietly.


Jeongguk sat on the couch for who knows how long processing everything as you had angerily went to your room. He closed his eyes thinking about all the things he’s made you do for him. Before he rolled over and closed his eyes passing out on the couch.

He woke up to the harsh feeling of a hand smacking down on him before he rolled over to see you dressed up scrolling through your phone “get a shower. We have to get in 40” you state before walking away. He sighed as he got up and rushed to get ready. He looked himself over in the mirror before sighing. “I can become the perfect husband” he told himself as he left the bathroom.


Brunch went by smoothly as Jeongguk didn’t take it upon himself to flirt with the overly attractive waitress even though you could tell he was tempted. “So have you two started planning more for the future?” your mother asked as you looked up from your plate with a full mouth, you covered your mouth as you chewed before you spoke. “What do you mean?” you asked “oh come on don’t be silly about it. Have you two thought about children?” his mouth spoke as Jeonggul froze completely. “He probably has like 50 already” you mble “what was that dear?” his mouth peaked when she heard your soft talk. “Nothing nothing just speaking to myself” you said awkwardly.

“We’ve hit a large snag in the relationship” Jeongguk spoke as he was looked at by all of you as he took a sip from his drink. “What’s that dear?” his mother asked. Jeongguk looked at you as he spoke “we aren’t happy together” he told them honestly. “Not happy?” your mother asked as you looked away. “We haven’t been happy” he continues as you pushed your plate away getting up.

“I haven’t been a good man to your daughter Mrs. Y/N and I regret it more than anything because she wants to leave me now” he spoke as he took a deep breath. “I didn’t think losing her would affect me so much” he continues. “You’re an idiot” his mother spoke as he looked up. “I know” he spoke as he used his fork to play with his food.


The car ride was pretty much silent as you looked out the window the whole time. “You can leave” he said filling the silence. “I can’t make you stay and I should force you to stay in an unhappy situation” he continues as he pulls onto your street. “I’m sorry though. I am horrible man-” “please just stop” you say as he grips the steering wheel tightly but kept his mouth shut.

As soon as the car was in park he watched you get out. He just sat there and sighed resting his head onto the window. By the time he got in all the lights in the house nothing was on so he figured you had gone off to rest or something. He walked slowly to his room he heard nothing overly loud as he walked passed your door. Once he got to his room he threw himself down onto the bed staring off. Before he sat up again.


Once you woke up from a nap you could see that your door was opened, confused you sat up and looked around. Your missing jewelry box caught your eye as you got up. You headed out to the hall seeing that there was garbage bags there as Jeongguk stepped out of his room carrying another “what are you doing?” you asked as you could see into the bag of things that were in it. The clothing of his many one nighters that were left, he looked at you. “Cleaning” he spoke as he picked up your jewelry box and opening it “none of this is yours right?” he asked as you raised a brow. “Good” he said as he dumped the contents into the bag before handing the box back.

“What are you doing?” you asked again as he tied the bag. “What I should have done along time ago. Change my ways” he spoke picking up the bags and heading out of the home leaving you confused as to his sudden but much needed change.

anonymous asked:

You know that "who you should fight" meme? Could you do a BSD version of it, if it's not too much to ask?

(Ngl this may be the best thing I’ve ever answered)



Atsushi: You win(?)

  • Walk right up to him and beat the ever-loving shit of him. He’ll apologize to you. An easy fight, just don’t slip in any tasteless orphan jokes, it’ll have the opposite effect intended and he’ll take you the fuck out with the pure intent to prove he’s worthy. You could beat him but the psychological weight of crushing someone so innocent will ensure that you never feel right again. Fight him if you have no soul.

Dazai: You lose

  • He’ll turn the whole affair into a big joke. If you, by some stroke of luck, actually hit him, he’ll probably just say ‘harder daddy’. The psychological effects of brawling Dazai will be devastating either way. DO. NOT.  FIGHT.

Ranpo: You win

  • Honestly, it’s hardly worth your time. He hasn’t eaten anything but chocolate cake and cheap lollipops for the last six years, not to mention any form of physical exercise. He’s got pale-ass noodle arms and a muffin top (don’t believe the official art’s lies. The bitch eats solely from a candy shop and looks like he just topped off a cycling session with Jillian Micheals? Get the fuck out). Just don’t bring a Jolly Rancher shiv because he’ll eat the damn thing. Undoubtedly fight, just be prepared to book it like a fucking librarian after you knock him out because the rest of the ADA will come after you.

Kyouka: Depends 

  • Look, fourteen’s a shitty age even when you’re not dealing with pressing morality crises.There is nothing Kyouka wants more in this world than to dial herself, let Demon Snow rip and raise her kill count to thirty seven. But all you gotta do to keep her at bay is debate on morality like Matthew fucking Murdock in Netflix’s Daredevil. If you can successfully hold her back with discussion on ethics (and how hers will be jack-shit if she slaughters you) you have a slim chance of victory. A great fight if you need to practice for speech class.

Kunikida: You lose

  • You might think victory’s as simple as tossing his notebook in a nearby water fountain and watching him flip a lid, but this is an absolutely awful tactic and the inside of your head will be decorating the sidewalk in mere milliseconds. He beats Dazai’s band-aid wrapped flanks on the daily and he won’t hesitate to destroy yours. If you fight, at least your cause of death can be listed as ‘blonde beefcake’s rippling biceps’.

Kenji: You win

  • Just feed him a few bowls of Spaghetti-o’s before you deck him and the little blonde bitch won’t stand a chance. You can smack him back into the cultist backwater rice paddies he crawled out of easy as smacking a crippled fly. A perfect fight for abusing a fourteen year old without getting into too much trouble. 

Fukuzawa: You lose

  • You might think you could dress up in a kitty costume and sneak up to him. And you could. It would be easy, in fact. He’s so focused on the cuteness he won’t notice any maliscious intent. Despite this his reflexes are simply too quick and he’ll still take you the fuck out when you make your move. A bad fight from all angles. You’ll have to fend off his adopted, dysfunctional ADA children too. Just don’t.


Akutagawa: Depends (99.5% losing chance. risky.)

  • Yeah, you’re fucked. Akutagawa won’t even wait until you initiate, he’ll be the one attacking you, probably over something minor and stupid like the color of your pants is personally offensive. Rashomon will be slicing and dicing you into a smoothie for cannibals before you know what hit you. The only way you make it out alive is if by some stroke of luck Dazai happens to be in a one hundred mile radius and Akutagawa’s senpai-radar starts going off. Fight only if you bring My Chemical Romance vinyls to punt at him; they’re his biggest weakness .

Chuuya: Depends (99.75% losing chance. Cross thy fingers and pray)

  • Facing Chuuya is a bigger risk than that board game. He’s practically impervious to all close-up melee and he’s too small of a target to be hit with anything from afar. You might think you’d have a fighting chance if you knocked his hat off; after all, that’s basically all he is. A hat rack prone to alcoholism. But that fury will only make him stronger and he’ll crush you like you’re a cum-covered Dazai body pillow. As with Akutagawa your only glimmer of hope for survival is if bandage-kun happens to be close by because Chuuya will prioritize and leave your now crippled ass in the dust that he punted you in. Only fight while intoxicated. (Both of you. Not just him. It’s more fun that way. Much like Turkish oil wrestling but with more gravity.)

Mori: You lose

  • If you want to fight him you’ve obviously got a death wish and I’m not going to stop you. There’s easier ways to go though, man. Easier ways. His expression won’t even change when he whips out that scalpel (I don’t believe that man’s ever been to medical school) and filets you like a fresh caught tuna, on its way to a B-rated fast food join. Your body’s gonna get left on the pavement for the stray dogs. (No, I’m not gonna finish that joke. Low hanging fruit. I have some dignity.) If you want to die that bad, just go see if Dazai will suicide with you. It’ll be significantly less painful

Elise: I fucking dare you

  • I mean, you probably could take her out, she’s like seven. Mori will let her play skip rope with your small intestine after she’s recovered. Rest In Peace if you even consider it.

Kouyou: You lose

  • I don’t know what would inspire you to be so stupid. She’ll just let out a dignified little chuckle and shove that umbrella sword so far up your ass you’ll be tasting acid rain for months, and she’ll do it all in the most ladylike way possible. Unless you’re ready for your innards to end up in a teapot, served with chocolate-coated orange wafers at tea break, just don’t fight.

Oda: ???

  • He’s fucking dead. What are you gonna do, kick his headstone, maybe plant some weeds over his grave? Just don’t mention the burnt orphan soup, or he’ll literally rise and put you in his coffin instead. If you’re willing to dabble into necromancy, knock yourself (or him, in this case) out.

Q: Haha

  • I get why you’d want to fight him, I really do. He looks like a miniature Cruella Deville on an acid trip. But you just don’t have a chance. Hit him. Go ahead. As soon as you so much as brush him he has the power to destroy your shit like it’s never been destroyed before. Will annihilate you from the inside out. The deadliest emo thirteen year old there’s ever been; avoid at all costs!!!

Higuchi: You LOSE

  • You might think you have a chance because she doesn’t have an ability. But you’re gravely mistaken. Higuchi is bitter. Higchi is ruthless. Higuchi does not give a fuck about anything other than getting Emotagawa-senpai to notice her. She has nothing, nothing to lose and she will not rest until she’s pulling your tonsils through your asshole in the hopes that Akutagawa will give her a thumbs-up for slaughtering you. DO NOT fight. She stands to lose nothing and gain everything.


Hawthorne: You lose

  • You might think that you’d have a fighting chance because he’s a priest and priest’s aren’t supposed to wreck people’s shit but he will see your sins and you won’t even see him coming. Try to punch him his ability is literally activated by injuries. Knocks you out with a psalter hymnal and ships you off to Bible camp while you’re unconscious.  Only fight if you have never sinned, not once, ever.

Steinbeck: Depends

  • If you’re from the city he’ll destroy you. Farm boys always tear apart city people no questions asked. If that fact doesn’t dissuade you then just prepare yourself not to be freaked the fuck out when he jack-knifes his own neck and starts sprouting flora. As long as you keep your cool you’ve got a 30/70 chance. Only fight if you bring a metric fucktonne of weed killer.

Poe: You win (biggest douchecanoe award, but that’s about it)

  • Physically, sure, you could sneeze within fifty feet of his pasty ass and take him down. But really? Do you really want to hurt him? He’ll stare right into your soul with those sad, sad eyes and wonder just what he did to inspire such bitterness in you. If you can still fuck him up after that then you’d best kiss your spirit goodbye because it’s descending to the seventh level of fiery hell as you read this. Plus, honestly, there’s no true triumph against a man whose best bud is a raccoon. That’s just too rad. If you can deal with the pressing moral consequences and a pissed off  raccoon, go for it. (You monster)

Mitchell: You win

  • All you have to do is push her hospital bed down the stairs and pretend it was an accident. Her comatose ass can’t do a thing to stop you. Fight if you’re ready to run from angry hospital staff.

Fitzgerald: You lose 

  • You know, this sentient sack of Benjamins deserves it, in all honesty, but don’t try. Him and his power suit will kick you into the next millennia before you can say ‘old sport’. Prepare to be crushed by capitalism.

Melville: You win

  • He’s like eighty and his ability’s a goddamn floating whale. As long as you don’t throw down at Sea World, you’re good. Fight as long as you’re not in front of an assisted living facility; the CNAs will think he’s a resident and defend him.

Lovecraft: Depends

  • Attack him while he’s trying to nap and he’ll be too lazy to get up. Otherwise… yeah, just google ‘Cthulhu’. You’ll get the idea. Don’t fight: there’s no beating weaponized tentacle porn.

Montgomery: You lose

  • Go right ahead and try, she’ll whisk you away to her Melanie-Martinez ass torture dimension and let Anne mop the floor with your teeth. It’s kind of like challenging God. Unless you want to spend eternity in an unsexy rip-off of the 50 shades Red Room, DO. NOT. ENGAGE.

Twain: You win

  • Twain’s all talk, anybody that walks around with their titties hanging out 24/7 is definitely trying to distract from something. In this case he’s trying to fool people into thinking he’s not a dictionary-definition pussy. Rip the heads off his muppet babies and he doesn’t even have an ability anymore, the schmuck. Fight when you’re looking for a quick self-esteem boost. 

Alcott: You win

  • This poor woman does not deserve to be tortured anymore than she already is by the weight of her own social awkwardness, but if you really insist: make a derogatory comment and she’s basically down for the count already, no physical contact necessary. If you really want to dominate, just steal her glasses and she instantly morphs into a significantly less foxy Velma Dinkley. Also significantly less prone to self defense. An A-1 fight for when you’re looking to cement residency in Hell.


Ango: Depends

  • You would think his beanpole ass would be an easy target. You’d be wrong, though. So very wrong. He’s been chugging tomato juice like it’s his job for the past forever and he’s got a snazzy pair of handcuffs he’s just dying to break out. If you sabotage basic safety features on his car, though, he’s a goner. Just sneakily unbuckle his seat belt while he’s driving and you’ve basically defeated him right then and there. A good fight for practicing strategic tactics and subtle vehicle vandalism.

Fyodor: You lose

  • Just ask A how that one turned out. Actually, ask anyone in the manga what throwing down with Fyodor entails. (Unless you only watch the anime, then just wait for the season three that we’re probably not getting) He’ll escort you personally to the gates of hell with a flick to your forehead. Then he’ll step right over your still-warm corpse and start playing the cello with that unnecessarily wide leg-spreadage. Mess with this sentient ushanka hat and he’ll uSHANKa you.
Make Me Like You

Reader x Stefan Salvatore



Imagine: You are hopelessly in love with your friend Stefan Salvatore, which could be a good thing, if he was not still in love with his last girlfriend, Elena Gilbert. Well, that is how you see things. But remember: not everything is what it seems.

Word Count: 1631

You stared at your phone once more, realising he was not going to text you. Or even call you. If you stopped even a second to analyse the situation, it was rather stupid to keep waiting for that to happen. Nevertheless, Stefan Salvatore was a taken man. Well, not literally, because he and Elena broke up almost six months ago. Yet, he still seemed off about it, which made your heart break in ways you did not conceive as possible.

“Oh, damn it! Why did you have to make me like you, anyway?” You huffed, standing up and leaving the living room.

Those feelings began to surface after you and him went on a mission together to find a witch who could help with the whole Originals deal. Stefan was so sweet and caring back there. Of course, he never actually showed you he was interested in more than a friendship. Also, it felt deeply wrong to like your best friend’s boyfriend. However, you could not help it. Suddenly, the younger Salvatore was all you could see. When they broke up… It sort of enlightened your day, even though it was a completely messed up thing to think.

You turned the TV on and tried to focus your mind on the funny sitcom. It did not work. The only thing buzzing in your head was him. And his gorgeous smile and sweet green eyes. How he would call you up just to talk and maybe have a drink. The way you two connected… It was kind of rare. Only Stefan was not able to see it. Stuck in the memories of his epic love with Elena. It frustrated you the fact they were meant to be. It was not fair!

A soft groan escaped your lips and, finally, you decided to go out. Clear your head and, if the odds were on your favour, find a distraction. Within ten minutes you were parking outside the Mystic Grill, ready to eat and drink something. The vodka cranberry taste sprinkling on your thoughts.

“Hey, Matty!” You waved at the blond, watching a smile appear.

“Now, what are you doing here, Y/N?”

“Hum, I think this is a bar, so… I’m pretty sure I came here to drink.” Your voice was sarcastic and he noticed, shaking his own head. “Can you get me my favourite?”

“Yes, but don’t think this is over, miss Y/L/N.”

Matt Donovan was your best friend since both of you were ten. Still, apart from that, you could not find the strength to come clean about how you felt to him. Once he heard you had gotten yourself in love with Stefan, he would flip out. Mainly because you kept this a secret for too long and, boy, the blond hated secrets.

“There you go.”

“Thanks, Matt.” You winked, sipping on your drink.

“I hate to see you like that, Y/N! Pretending like there’s nothing wrong… So typically you. I wish you would tell me what’s going on.”

“I-I can’t, Matty. It’s not that I don’t want to, I do! If only all of this was easier.”

“Look, I want to know everything.” He rolled his eyes. “But I have to work. My shift is almost over. Can you wait?”

“I guess…” You shrugged.

“OK. At least you won’t be alone while you do it.”

“Why are you saying that?”

Matt laughed and pointed to the door, where Stefan stood. You suppressed a sigh and took another sip from the vodka you ordered, struggling to maintain your heartbeat under control. Donovan patted you on the shoulder and got back to his work, leaving you to deal with the devils on your back.

“I didn’t thought I’d see you here, Y/N.”

“Yeah, you know… I was bored at home so I thought: what better way to cheer me up than drinking?

He chuckled, taking a sit in front of you. His sweet eyes watching your every move. It was times like these you wished you were able to read minds. Not that you liked to snoop on other people’s lives, but because your heart desperately needed to know something. Either to give it all up or keep hoping.

“Is everything okay?”

“Huh?” You shook your head, exhaling. “Oh, yeah. I’m fine.”

“It doesn’t seem like you are.” His hand grabbed yours and God knows how you were able to hold a shudder. “Talk to me.”

Maybe, just maybe, it was time to open yourself up. Tell him exactly what had been going on with you and your feelings. Gosh, that would be a harsh thing to do. You finished the drink and soon enough ordered another one. Yeah, the opportunity was right there, in front of your eyes. He needed to know, no matter how loud your thoughts were screaming for you not to do it. It was the only way to shake it out of you.

“Can I trust you with a secret?”

“Of course you can, Y/N.” His sounded normal, but you could catch the hint of concern within his words. “We’re friends and I really care about you.”

Oh, shucks.

“Hum… OK. There’s something I need to tell you.”

“I’m all ears.” Stefan smiled gently and stroked the back of your hand, which was still lost between his larger ones. “Come on!”

“I know you are still in love with Elena and…”

“Wait, what?”

“Shut up and let me finish.” He nodded, still frowning but agreeing to hear you talk. “I don’t want to get in the middle of you two. But I can’t help myself. Stefan, I’m in lo… I mean, I really like you.”

“What are you saying?”

Was he dumb or anything? I was pretty clear on what I said!”, you thought, almost rolling your eyes at his response.

“Come on! You know what I said… I like you.”

His bright white teeth shone when he smiled.

“This was random.” Your beloved rose his eyebrows. “Hum, I like you too, Y/N.”

“You’re probably didn’t understand. I don’t like you as a friend, Stefan…”

“You mean… Really like me?”



That was not what you were expecting. Suddenly, the embarrassment started to crawl up your emotional wall. He did not felt the same way, as, deep down, you expected him to. Now, you had lost a friend. You were so freaking stupid.

“I-I need to go. I’m sorry.”

“Wait!” You simply placed a twenty dollar bill and left, meeting the bright moon on the sky. So beautiful for such a horrible night. “Y/N, wait.”

“What, Stefan? I know you don’t want to be with me. I don’t even know why I said anything.”

“You didn’t even give me a chance to explain! Matter fact, to say anything.”

You narrowed your eyes a bit. He did not have to say anything. You were just his silly little friend. And that was all you would ever be. Now, without a doubt, even your ears were red out of the unpleasant awkward situation. “Why couldn’t I keep my mouth shut?”, a cruel though popped up in your head.

“I’m sorry about the way I reacted.”

“No, you don’t have to do that.”

“Could you just let me finish?”

“OK, I’ll shut up.”

“You’re really special to me. I don’t I have ever met a girl so though and so resilient. And there’s no way I can repay for everything you have done to me. To keep me going.” Stefan pulled you close, wrapping his arms around your waist. “Elena was a huge part of my life. I won’t deny it. However, she’s gone. Living her dream with Damon. And I’m happy for both of them. Of course it took me awhile to get over that, but you stayed and put up with me at my worst. That’s why I don’t need to hesitate now: I love you, miss Y/L/N. You’re truly the one for me.”

“Oh, Stefan!” The tears built up on your eyes began to stream down your face. “I’m so happy. I-I never would have figured you felt this way.”

“I wish I knew you felt like this sooner.” He whispered in your ear, kissing a sweet spot on your neck.

You sighed, biting your lower lip.

“Can I say one more thing?”

“Yes.” Stefan replied, softly.

“I love you too.” It was barely a whisper, but you knew he had heard.

He cupped your cheeks and let his thumb wipe off the teardrops which insisted to keep falling. The younger Salvatore, then, kissed your mouth very gently. His lips applying a tender pressure against your own. You pulled a lock of his caramel hair, taking all the pleasure you could get from that. It was definitely a dream coming true.

“Now, would you come back inside with me and have another drink?” Stefan whispered against your lips, a short awhile after you two shared such an intimate moment.

“Let me think…” He chuckled. “Yeah, we can do that.”

“I’m glad I fit in your tight schedule, Y/N.”

“Don’t be such a drama queen, honey.”

“I’m not!”

You laughed, stepping in the bar once more. As you watched him go over to get you new drinks, you realised how lucky you were to be in love with him. The curse became the relief. That’s why a grin appeared when you saw him coming back and leaning in for the second kiss of the night.

It finally hit you: choosing to love Stefan Salvatore was the best thing you had ever done. That’s why you would never give up on that feeling.

“Ready to have the night of your life with me?”

“It already is, darling.”

You smiled, joining him and being genuinely happy you were there at the right time with the right kind of feelings.

anonymous asked:

Hi! I really, really love your maxis match retextures, but since I don't have much space in my computer for a lot of cc, I don't think it could handle the retexture as well as the mesh. Obviously you can't upload the retextures including the mesh, but is there a way that I can combine them so that only the maxis match shows up in game?

I’ll make you a little tutorial because i’ve got a few of these asks and there isn’t an up to date tut out there that I know of. 

What you will need: Sims4Studio, the mesh file you wish to edit. (Sims4Studio requires a free registration but it is well worth imo.)

Place the mesh file somewhere you can easily find and open it using the My Projects button in S4S like so:

You should then see this screen. ^ 

You want to click the Warehouse tab, next to the Studio tab which is currently open. 

In the Warehouse tab you want to select ‘Type’ so that the parts are ordered by type, this makes it easier to delete the ones you don’t want.

Select all of the CAS Parts and RLE 2 Images, apart from the RLE 2 image that contains the shadow you can see and press the Delete button on your keyboard to leave only the geometry files, shadow, DST and specular:

Press save and place the edited file in your mods folder.

This will make it so when you place the mesh in your mods folder the MM version reads the mesh and shows up and you don’t get the original textures clogging up your game. :) I tried to be thorough but if there is anything you don’t understand feel free to drop me an ask and I will elaborate! Happy CC Management! <3

A Confession (Thranduil x Reader)

(You are an elf working for the elven king, Thranduil. One day, you tell him how you feel about him, and you are rejected, until Thranduil mysteriously asks you to discuss something with him) (A PART TWO WILL BE COMING SOON!!!)


“I am very sorry,” you said in a clear yet faded voice, your eyes refusing to take inter image of the elven king standing in front of you. You longed for the simple contact your eyes were used to making with his, but waves of shame pulled them back to the floor beneath your feet.

“Tell me, what is it that troubles you?” Thranduil questioned, his voice low with a hint of genuine curiosity. The slight emotion in his voice caressed your worrying mind, lifting your head to face him.

As you watched his body inch closer and his long emerald robes sweep the floor, your mind flooded with memories. You had worked in Thranduil’s endlessly ornate palace for years upon years, yet what caught your attention most was the elven king himself. Working was hard when he was nearby. You failed to focus on cleaning the nearly infinite halls and chambers if his sky blue eyes watched you, and you longed for each slight conversation you shared with the king, whether it was a discussion of what had to be done that day or a quick exchange of good wishes during feasts and festivals. You wished this was easier.

Thranduil said your name in a questioning tone, pulling you out of your thoughts and back into the space you occupied in front of him.

You shuffled your feet beneath you, your brown cloth shoes making a breathy sound on the brown stone floor. “I can no longer work under you, my lord.”

You lifted your eyes enough to see the king raise an eyebrow in surprise. “And why is that?” he asked in a tone that made it seem as if it was a statement.

This was the hard part. You envisioned Thranduil smirking with pensively squinted eyes as you bid him good morning and goodnight each day, at the start and end of your work. You envisioned the way his eyes strayed to you when you were ordered to clean his throne room, directly in front of his powerful figure seated above.

A shiver ran from your feet to your head. “I have grown to love you,” you said softly, hoping in a strange way that he would not hear you.

Thranduil’s eyebrows lowered and his lips shifted into a slight grimace. He stood, silent and serious. After a moment, he shifted on his feet and looked out past the many amber-colored pillars and warm lanterns streaking the room. You watched as the elven king’s eyes fluttered shut. His snowy hair swayed across his shoulders and back with each step that brought him further away from you. You could almost feel his absence weighing down your chest.

“My deepest apologies and regrets, my lord,” you said briskly, trying to pull his gaze back to you. “I know it is completely unprofessional of me to feel such things for-”

“I do not care in the slightest,” Thranduil’s deeply resonant voice filled the room like a spreading flame. “If you are worthy of working in this kingdom, then you will not allow trivial things to stop you from providing your services.”

You felt your stomach drop to the floor as the palace was ablaze with the king’s voice. “Yes,” was all you could say before you turned on your heels, facing the other side of the room, where a hallway would soon take you away from the misery that now seemed to linger in every inch of the room. “Yes, my lord.”

You could hear the whispers the king’s robes made as he turned, but you refused to look at him again as you quickly walked away. Whether he turned towards you or his throne, you did not know.

Remembering that moment was torture. Forgetting it was impossible.

As Thranduil wished, you continued to work as you did before. You were constantly cleaning and doing all that you could to avoid the king. The smiles he once gave you were replaced with short blank glances, and the small conversations you once had with him became nothing at all.

That did not mean you stopped thinking of Thranduil. In fact, although you wished to forget him entirely, he constantly occupied nearly all of your thoughts.

You had almost achieved neglecting the thought of the king one midsummer evening, when you were indirectly asked to report to his chambers by another elf.

Brushing off dust and dirt from your clothes which you acquired with ample chores, you nervously walked down the endless twisting hallways. Filled with worry, your mind sprinted from one hypothesis of why he wanted to see you to the next. Your feet picked up their pace, trying to keep up with your racing mind.

Finally, you reached the door to his bed chambers. You lightly knocked on the wooden door, then instinctively took a step back. With a small creak, the door opened, revealing the king.

His robes bore the exact color of an autumn leaf anticipating its graceful fall from beauty and glory, yet the simplicity of his attire comforted you. Cold icy eyes greeted you.

“You summoned me, my lord?”

“Yes, I did.” Thranduil turned to open the door wider, his platinum hair swaying onto his broad back, not held back by his usual crown of twigs and thorns. He outstretched an arm, motioning for you to enter the room.

Hesitantly, you stepped inside, immediately taking in your surroundings. The walls were a mixture of dark, glossy stone and chocolate-colored wood. At one end of the room sat a desk along with some evenly-placed shelves. At the other end was a bed covered in deep red blankets. You felt heat rush to your face when you realized that these really were his private chambers.

You heard the door click behind you. You turned on your heels to see Thranduil gliding towards you, the flowing motion of his robes making him appear as if he was not walking at all.

“I wanted to discuss something with you,” he said in a tone drenched in a stoic confidence. Thranduil continued to walk towards you, until you could see each detail of his sky-tinted eyes and his worn-yet-youthful face.

You gave him a slight nod of your head, taking in how unbearably close he was.

“I assume you recall when you told me about how you felt-” he began, his voice so close you could feel it reverberating through your body, fueling your racing heart.

“Yes, and once again, I am very sorry. However, I don’t see the need to discuss-” you attempted to guard yourself, spewing out any words you could find at your grasp until he took another dangerous step forward.

“Allow me to finish.” Thranduil lowered his face, dipping it in shadow.

You opened your mouth to protest, but became unable to do so once you felt a warm hand on your shoulder. Fire shot through your upper body and bounced off in every direction. Your face felt unbelievably hot.

Seeing your reaction, Thranduil’s lips curled and his hand slid over your neck and up to your cheek. “What I wanted to tell you was…” The king spread his fingers and gently pushed a strand of hair behind your ear, fingertips grazing your scalp. He held the bottom of the strand between his fingers before releasing it, depriving you of his touch. His lips curled up further, yet his eyes continued to take you in with serious scrutiny. “I share the same feelings.”

My Dearest Laurens

Prompt: This is written for @pictorch-art and is based off this drawing.

Ship: Lams (OTP: Cold In My Professions, Warm In My FriendShips), with a side of HamLiza

Word Count: 1300

Summary: Alexander is haunted with Survivor’s Guilt. God, he wished for the pain to just go away.

Warnings: Cheating (which is more hinted as it isn’t addressed), mentions and descriptions of death, nightmares, and survivors guilt.

A/N: This was fun to write! I need to do more canon era stuff, if I’m honest. 

P.S: Special thanks to @cuddleduck who provided all my historical knowledge. They had to put up with me asking really stupid questions so yeah, thank you!

“I’m sorry!” He screamed, shaking. His eyes, brown as the earth’s soil, were panicked, scared, albeit hopeful. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry, my love.” He repeated the words like a mantra, his gaze darting from his blood covered hands to the single bullet wound that dug itself into his lover’s chest.

“You…” His lover started to say, though coughed, blood now dripping down his chin, dripping onto the once green grass. “You could h-have saved me.”

“Laurens, my dearest Laurens. I tried!” He shouted. Sobs racked his body; tears soaked his cheeks. “I love you, I love you, I love you. Please don’t say that!”

“You did this…” John managed to cough out before falling limp in Alexander’s arms.

“A doctor! He needs a doctor, please!” He shouted, applying pressure to the wound but to no avail. Laurens, his beloved Jacky, had left the world, his eyes lifeless, his body lifeless. “Please!”

Men, both doctors, soldiers, even members of the enemy, suddenly circled Alexander, some laughing, others jeering and pointing.

“Why won’t you help him!” He yelled. “Why? Please, just help him!”

The laughing only increased, getting louder and louder until Alexander couldn’t take it anymore. His vision blurred through the tears and his small frame shook, though he witnessed this nightly.

“It’s just a dream.” He whispered to himself. “Just a dream.”

Keep reading

Certain Things - Song-based / Mixed Requests

Requested by anon: Sherlock x reader where Sherlock is in love with the reader but is too afraid to say it. and one day the reader overhears him talking to John about it. (lots of fluff)
& anon: Sherlock x reader fic based on the song Certain things by James Arthur. Like Sherlock doesn’t understand his feelings after towards her after spending time with her and he just notices small things about her until he finally understands his feelings. With just a lot of fluff in it?
& anon: Can I make a Sherlock request where the reader falls asleep on Sherlock’s couch and they aren’t really dating yet and he is really sweet and gentle with her? Like he drapes a blanket over her, or brushes the hair out of her eyes Agh!
& anon: Sherlock X reader fanfic where Sherlock accepts his feelings for reader and he tries to impress her but he asks John first so John tries to prank him and tell him to say a bunch of cheesy pick up lines? 
& anon:  Hey can I request a Sherlock imagine with the reader where he asks her out for the first time and he’s super super nervous and she’s kind of insecure about it?? With a lot of fluff too? 

Pairing: Sherlock x reader

Word count: 3,703

Warnings: Un-edited.

A/N: I craved to write this ever since I found a way to mix all of the requests. I love it dearly, and I hope you do too. Also, if there are any grammar mistake (or any kind of mistake, really) I’m sorry, today was exhausting (and English isn’t my first language so…) but I was so happy I felt like writing something.


Originally posted by nothingsgonnachangemyworld

The noise of the bomb was so loud Sherlock could only hear a high pitched and elongated peep. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion out of a sudden. The bomb had exploded, yes, but Sherlock could clearly see the car it had been trapped in exploding along. The shattered glasses flying in every direction, and the few civilians nearby being pushed by the impulse of the explosion. He turned to his right, finding a very concerned John covering his face with his arms.

Then he turned to his left, and found (Y/N) with her eyes fixed on the explosion. Everything moved slower. Her knees were hurt, and she was dirty; her hair was messy and her clothes were covered with both sweat and dirt. She wasn’t trying to cover her face like John; instead, she was turning to look at Sherlock.

Their eyes met for a split second, but it felt like bewitching ages to them. They were worried about the other; laying on the ground as the bomb they had frantically looked for exploded – they were too late.

He extended his hand, trying to reach hers unconsciously. (Y/N) took his hand without hesitation and Sherlock pulled her closer to him, not caring if her legs got scratched with the ground, because it would be nothing compared to the damage of being unprotected from the flying glasses.

Once in his arms, Sherlock covered her face and upper body protectively against his chest. His face nuzzled over her hair and he shut his eyes tightly. His arms were wrapped around her body, and even when he was too exposed, he felt save.

The world went back to its regular speed. The bomb blew away many passer-by’s and the windows from the nearest buildings. The pieces of glass got spread all over, including Sherlock and (Y/N)’s hair. The pieces of the car that didn’t turn into small pieces flew away, hitting many other innocents in the process. It was a real mess, yet, it could’ve been worse.

The precious seconds went by quickly. The bomb had exploded and the consequences had been severe, but at least (Y/N) and John were fine and that was all Sherlock cared about.

After the impact, when they could hear again the silence of the street, (Y/N) pulled slightly away to look at her surroundings. There were bodies all around, but they were all alive. Sherlock was staring at her, and when (Y/N) turned to look at him she saw something she had never seen in him before: He was worried.

Keep reading

Accepting Love Again, A Clarke Griffin Meta

(Emphasis on Clarke’s relationships with Bellamy, Abby, & Lexa)

When Clarke left Arkadia, her and Bellamy’s relationship just wasn’t at the place of balance it needed to be. This wasn’t for lack of trying on Bellamy’s part. We saw Bellamy, puppy eyes and all, try to convince Clarke that she didn’t have to face her demons alone, that “together” meant together through all her emotional trauma too.

Unfortunately, Clarke no longer recognized who she was anymore. She couldn’t separate herself from what she did in Mount Weather and any reminder, whether it was a face or Arkadia itself, would be too much for her to handle.

But how did Clarke Griffin get to that point of shutting herself off so completely from love? Mount Weather is too simple of an answer. In truth, her self-isolation had been building up for quite some time and it makes absolute sense when we look at specific moments of development and the characteristics that make Clarke, Clarke.

Selfless to a Fault

One of the very first strokes of Clarke’s character is that she’s someone who always worries about others before herself. It is such a core trait that Abby warns Clarke about it the day the 100 are going down to earth:

“Your instincts will tell you to take care of everybody else first, just like your father, but be careful…”(1x1).

Clarke’s selflessness along with her head-over-heart personality made it nearly impossible for her to attend to her emotions without feeling guilty. We see this when Bellamy throws the radio into the lake and Clarke’s first reaction is to blame herself for being with Finn (following her heart) instead of anticipating Bellamy’s actions (following her head):

“I screwed up! Let myself get distracted” (1x5).

Not to mention Clarke felt complicit in her father’s death so she was determined to not let anyone else die under her watch the minute she comes down to earth. She felt it was her duty to honor her father by fighting for everyone else’s survival before her own because that’s exactly what he would’ve done. Even when Clarke finally lets herself be vulnerable with Bellamy, she quickly changes the subject to the delinquents’ well-being:

“I need you…WE all need you. None of US would’ve survived this place if it wasn’t for you” (1x8); “Maybe my mom was lucky being on the Exodus ship. At least it was quick. No one is coming down to save US” (1x11); “No he can’t! WE can’t do this without you, Bellamy” (1x13).

It makes sense that Clarke felt more comfortable changing the subject to the delinquents’ survival. After all, Bellamy and Clarke were first and foremost the leaders of the 100, but her swiftness to detract from her emotions is something to note. Even so, the fact that she lets Bellamy in at all after Finn’s deception and after the tragic deaths of her father and Wells is still significant. It shows that Clarke believed in the bond her and Bellamy began in Day Trip.

The Turning Point: “What have I done?”

Clarke’s knee-jerk reaction to selflessness became an issue once the bigger deaths started piling up. Finn’s death was the start of some serious self-isolation. Moments after Clarke mercy-kills Finn, we see her have an emotional breakdown that’s nothing short of tragic. She sobs in her mother’s arms as she asks, “What did I do?”

Keep reading

Three Good Reasons

Jaehyun x Reader

Wordcount: 3,217

Can you please write a Jaehyun scenario when he likes a foreign dancer and she’s a SM trainee that’s an NCT Stan. Thx -🖖

“You guys, she’s beautiful.”

“Yea Jae, they’re all hot.  This is the best day ever.”

“Calm down Yuta.  We aren’t here to get girlfriends.”

“Shut up Ten.  Don’t act like you aren’t single and ready to mingle.”

“True. I’d ditch Johnny for any one of them.”

Jaehyun rolled his eyes at his member’s immaturity.  Yea, all the girls were attractive – they were SM trainees after all. But there was one in particular who had caught his eye.

“Just stay away from her though, okay?  The one who just performed.  The foreigner.”

You ended your dance routine, brushing away the hair that stuck to your face from sweat. It was your first routine as an SM trainee after being cast in an international audition. You weren’t like most idols, especially not ones from SM.   No milky white skin.  No stick-thin body.  No long, straight hair.  Based on what you knew, your appearance gave you no advantage in getting casted, so you knew your audition had to be perfect.  Motivated by your dream to perform, you spent months practicing and gave the audition your all.  Luckily, all your hard work paid off and you were now practicing at the SM building amongst the other new female trainees lucky enough to be selected.  

You grabbed your water bottle and sat down, looking around the room.  You could see the NCT boys through the door window.  Your dance instructor had told the new trainees that the guys had some free time, and would be coming by to give you all a special announcement.  You didn’t want to admit it, especially not in this environment, but you were an NCT stan. Supporting them since their SM Rookie days, you were crazy in love with all of them.  Their talent, visuals, music – hell, even their questionable stage outfits – you worshipped all of it.  To you, they were perfect.  The thought alone of meeting them completely freaked you out.  In particular, you were the most afraid of meeting Jaehyun.  He was your bias, and in your mind, basically the most beautiful human you had ever seen.  You knew meeting him and the rest of NCT would go one of two ways.  You would either lose all self-control and jump them, or you’d lose all confidence and be too scared to talk to them. Luckily for NCT, it would probably the latter.  You were well-aware that you stood out amongst the other trainees, and it made you too self-conscious to be around them.

As you looked at them through the door and tried not to fangirl, you noticed Jaehyun watching you and muttering to Yuta and Ten.  Was he talking about you?  Maybe he liked your dance routine?  Or maybe he noticed how different you looked.  That’s probably what Jaehyun was talking to his members about. Right?  I mean, if he was talking about you, what else could it be about? You quickly looked away, not wanting to get caught looking back at him.

“(Y/n), he’s totally checking you out.”

“What are you talking about Jiyeon?”

“Jaehyun. Can’t you see him staring at you? Get it girl.”

You rolled your eyes at your closest friend.  You were so thankful that you had made it through casting together.  Having a friend with you made going to Korea to train a lot easier.   But at this moment, you wished she would stop talking.  The last thing you needed was someone planting seeds in your head that Jung Jaehyun of all people was interested in you.  

Before Jiyeon could continue annoying you, the door to the practice room opened and the members of NCT flooded in.  You’re fan-girl dreams were alive, but you had to keep it together.  After doing their self-introductions, the members began to chat with the trainees, getting to know their new label-mates.  Every once in a while, you noticed Jaehyun peer over at you, but you did your best to avoid him and the other members.   You felt unworthy of their presence.  And more than anything, you were scared you would say or do something stupid in front of them.

Suddenly, Jiyeon came bounding over, interrupting your thoughts when she grabbed your arm and began to drag you over to the members.

“They’re so nice and cool (y/n)!  Just come say hi.  You love them, how could you not want to meet them?!”

By some miracle, Jiyeon was stopped in her tracks when your choreographer interrupted everyone to reveal the special announcement.

Your jaw practically hit the floor when you found out that you, among the other trainees, would be having a special dance stage with the members of NCT.  It was SM’s way of creating buzz, and giving you first-hand experience in performing.  You were excited, but also terrified.  The choreography would require you all to be paired up.  You would have to talk to at least one of the members to practice.  Knowing you couldn’t avoid NCT forever, you tried to keep your cool.  It was one stage.  You just had to not make a fool of yourself for the next few weeks and everything would be fine… As long as you weren’t partnered with Jaehyun.


It had been two weeks since finding out about your stage.  Jiyeon had been partnered with Jaehyun.  It took a lot of convincing, but you eventually got her to swear she would pretend you didn’t exist when she was with him.  You had ended up partnered with Ten.  He was an amazing dancer, and had so much patience in helping you.   His bright personality put you at ease, and you were no longer afraid to make mistakes or do something stupid in front of him.  You couldn’t believe you had only been a trainee for a few weeks, and were already dancing with a member of NCT.   Not only that, you and Ten had become friends.  It was any NCT stan’s dream.

You and Ten had been practicing for hours a day together.  But today, he had to leave early to prepare for NCT’s next comeback. After much begging to let you watch him practice, and Ten insisting you had to wait for the official comeback like all the other fans, he left early.  Some of the other pairs were still practicing.  You noticed Jaehyun and Jiyeon were still there, but saw Jiyeon starting to pack up her things.  

“Hey girl. I have to leave now for vocal training, but I’ll see you back at the dorm okay?”

Jiyeon hugged you before turning to wave at Jaehyun, and leaving you alone.  You looked over at Jaehyun, overwhelmed by how flawless he looked as he practiced.  Much to your dismay, he caught you gawking at him in the practice room mirror.  He turned to look at you for a moment, before slowly making his way over to you.  Over the past few weeks, you had noticed him sometimes staring at you.  A few times it even seemed like he was going to come over and talk to you, but you had managed to avoid talking to him by either striking up a conversation with whoever was closest to you, or even literally leaving the room to “fill your water bottle” or “go to the washroom.”  But this time, there was no escape.  The two of you were holding eye contact as he approached, and it would look nothing short of insane if you suddenly walked away now.

“(Y/n), if you want, maybe we could practice together?  You know, since Ten and Jiyeon had to leave early.”

“Um… Sure. That uh… That sounds great.”

You wanted to say something more, but you were too busy trying to remember how to breathe.  Of course Jaehyun knew your name – he was partnered with your best friend, and you had been practicing in the same room together for weeks.  But it was the first time you had heard him say it out loud. You had heard your name so many times in your life, but it had never sounded so enchanting as when it came from his pale pink lips.  Everything he did was so perfect.

To be honest, practicing with Jaehyun was pretty awkward.  You did your best to just focus on the dance routine, and avoided any unnecessary conversation.  He would occasionally give you pointers, you would thank him, and then the silence would resume.  Wanting to put on the best performance you could, you both dealt with the awkward situation and focused on practicing.

After a couple of hours, only you and Jaehyun remained in the practice room.  You had been focusing on the middle section of the routine all day, but Jaehyun said he thought you were ready to run through the entire thing.  You were hoping you wouldn’t have to complete the routine with Jaehyun, as the end pose was slightly more intimate than you were comfortable with.  The end of the routine was no problem with Ten, but with Jaehyun?  You were low-key freaking out.

As the routine ended, you were left with your arm thrown around his shoulders, your body leaning into him.  One of his hands rested at your waist, the other supporting you by the small of your back. Why was it that this felt so different with Jaehyun than it had with Ten?

Your faces only inches apart, both breathing heavily, you couldn’t help but admire him.  His dark eyes, pale skin, the beads of sweat forming on his forehead…  Everything about him was perfect, and despite weeks of avoiding him, in this moment, you couldn’t bring yourself to look away.  He was examining your face just as intently as you were his.   Your eyes finally settled on each others’, and before you could process what was happening, Jaehyun began to slowly lean into you.  Without thinking, you took a step back away from him while simultaneously pushing him away slightly.

“Did I do something wrong?”

You were tempted to tell him how he almost made your fan-girl heart explode.

“No? I dunno.  I thought you were going to kiss me.”

“(Y/n)… I was.”


Oh? Was that all you had to say?  The man of your dreams was going to kiss you a few seconds ago, and after rejecting him all you could say was oh?  You stood there, dumbfounded at the situation. Finally, Jaehyun broke the silence.

“(Y/n), why do you hate me so much?”

“What?! I don’t hate you at all!  Why would you think that?”

“I’ve been trying for weeks to introduce myself and get to know you, but every time I get anywhere close to making progress, you avoid me.”

“Jaehyun I swear I don’t hate you.  It isn’t like that at all.”

“Then go on a date with me.  I like you (y/n).  I have since I first saw you.”

In one day, you had gone from completely avoiding Jaehyun at all costs to him asking you out.   You’d be lying if you said you hadn’t dreamed of this moment.  But you were beyond hesitant.  How would he react to you being a fangirl?  And was he seriously interested in you? The foreigner who looked nothing like all the other beautiful girls at the company?

 “I can’t go out with you Jaehyun.  I’m sorry.”

“Give me three good reasons why and I’ll stop trying to get closer to you.”

“Well, for one you’re an idol, a rookie at that.  I don’t want to involve you in come scandal.  Second of all, and this is embarrassing to admit, but I’m an NCT stan and you’re my bias.  I’m constantly worried about doing something stupid in front of you.  And wouldn’t it be weird dating someone who was a fan?  Third…  I mean look at me.  You’re surrounded by all of these other gorgeous trainees and idols.  I’m so different.  Why would you choose me?”

You ended your rant by looking down at the floor.  It was embarrassing to admit all of the reasons you had tried so hard to avoid him.  Of course you wanted to get closer to him, but in your mind, there were so many things preventing it.  He could do so much better than some crazy fan-girl.

“(Y/n), I said three good reasons.  Those were terrible.”

He placed his hand under your chin, gently lifting your head, making you look him in the eyes.

“First of all, dating for idols is difficult, but not impossible.  There’s always going to be scandals.  You just learn to live your life regardless of what people will say.”

He had a point.  You couldn’t expect him to give up his social life just because he was an idol.

“Second of all, you shouldn’t be afraid to be my fan.  It means a lot to me that you’re so passionate about our group. And we all make mistakes and do embarrassing things sometimes.  We’re human.”

Okay, another one of your points proven wrong.  It was kind of silly for you to think that he wouldn’t like that you were a fan… It just meant that you supported him and the other members.  As you considered his words, a wave of regret washed over you. You were slowly starting to feel really stupid for avoiding him.  You were his fan and had weeks to get to know him.  How many girls had dreamt of that opportunity?  Why on earth had you tried so hard to dodge him?

“And lastly, (y/n), I love that you’re different.  It’s refreshing to see diversity, especially at SM. When I lived in America for four years, one of my favourite things was seeing all of the different types of people. I miss that.”

You didn’t think Jaehyun could get any more perfect in your eyes, and yet here he was, proving you wrong.   You yourself had always loved diversity amongst people, but from what you knew about Korea, being different wasn’t always accepted.  It was wrong of you to assume that Jaehyun wouldn’t like you because you didn’t fit Korea’s typical beauty standards.  It was wrong of you to assume anything without getting to know him.

“You’re tan skin, wavy hair, and distinctive features… They’re all beautiful to me (y/n).  They make you special.  Not to mention you are an incredibly talented dancer.”

Not knowing what to say, all you could do was smile at Jaehyun.  All of your fangirl dreams were becoming a reality.  But more important than that, you could feel yourself genuinely begin to fall for him.  It wasn’t Jaehyun standing in front of you, it was Yoonoh.  This was a side that you had never seen in any of the countless NCT videos you had watched.

“Thank you so much…  I guess I was too busy worrying about meeting you, that I forgot you’re also a real person and not just someone that lives in my computer and phone.”

Jaehyun smiled at you, clearly finding your sudden realization cute.

“You know, agreeing to go out with me and letting us get to know each other would be a good way to make up for dodging me these past few weeks.”

“I mean, I guess I could manage that. You did call me beautiful.”

“Because you are.”

Jaehyun pulled you in for a hug. You didn’t hesitate to put your arms around his waist and hug him back.  This was the first time that you had felt completely comfortable around him. Somehow that day, he had managed to get past the walls you had put up.  Not only that, his compliments put you at ease about being a foreigner in Korea. You should have embraced your unique qualities and been proud of them.  You felt slightly disappointed in yourself for needing someone else to validate your worth, but either way, you wouldn’t forget from now own that your differences made you special.

“Oh my god did you finally ask her out?!  Did she say yes?!”

You let go of Jaehyun and turned around to see Ten and Jiyeon standing watching the two of you embrace each other.  How did Jiyeon know Jaehyun was going to ask you out?

“Yea, she agreed to go on a date with me.”

Jaehyun put one arm around your waist and pulled you to his side, showing off your new-found intimacy.

“Yes!  I knew it would all work out.”

Ten smiled at you and gave Jaehyun a wink.

“What was that for?”

“Uh… What was what for (y/n)?”

“That wink.  You just winked at Jaehyun.”

“What wink?  I didn’t wink?  Maybe my eye twitched or something.”

Ten and Jiyeon glanced at each other and both started to walk towards the door of the practice room but you ran in front of them blocking their way.

“For your sake, you both better tell me what is going on right now.”

You glanced behind them to look at Jaehyun.  As soon as you made eye contact, he tilted his head towards the floor, avoiding your gaze. What the heck were these three hiding from you?

“Well you see (y/n)…  Jaehyun, Jiyeon and I may or may not have possibly maybe came up with a plan to get you to finally talk to Jaehyun so he could ask you out…”

“Yea… Ten and I didn’t really have to leave practice earlier.  It was just a part of our plan with Jaehyun so he could ask you to practice with him and finally get you to have a conversation.”

“We heard you were still practicing, so we thought we’d stop by and see how things were going. Apparently, they were going exactly as planned.”

You stared back and forth between Ten, Jiyeon and Jaehyun in disbelief.  The three of them had orchestrated this entire day?

“So, this was just all some plan to get Jaehyun and I together?”

“You wouldn’t talk to him! Literally everyone except you knew that Jaehyun liked you!  We had to do something!”

Jiyeon threw her hands in the air in frustration while Ten nodded his head in agreement.  As mad as you were at them for meddling, you were grateful that they had put so much effort into doing this for you and Jaehyun. Slowly making his way over to the three of you, Jaehyun took both of your hands in his own.

“Ten let it slip to Jiyeon last week that I liked you, and then she admit that you liked me.  We had to act on it.  I’m sorry that it happened like this (y/n), but I couldn’t handle you avoiding me anymore.  I was going insane being so distant from you.”

How on earth could you be mad at the three of them.   They just wanted you to get over your worries and be happy.  Thanks to their little plan, you had a date with your dream guy. You couldn’t believe how your life had changed over the last few weeks.  From NCT stan watching videos of Jaehyun after school, to SM trainee who had a date with him. Sure, you stood out as a foreign dancer training at the top music company in Korea, but you weren’t going to let your negative thoughts hold you back anymore.  Standing there, looking at your friends – and hopefully soon-to-be boyfriend – you couldn’t wait to see what the future had in store. 

**Thank you kind anon who sent in this request.  I honestly have no idea how this ended up being this long lmao.  If you managed to get to the end of it, thank you and I hope you enjoyed it!!  It would mean a lot to me if you guys follow me and send in requests~~**

Jimin - Stress Reliever

Originally posted by kpopidolaegyooo

Angst Smut

Word Count: 2k

Jimin x Reader

I was in the practice room with Jimin since he wanted to practice on his dance for “Boy Meets Evil” and “Own It” by Drake, since he already practice most of BTS songs like dope, fire, save me, I need you, etc. I was sitting in front of him with my phone in my hand checking social media. He was looking in the mirror as he danced to check if he made any mistakes.

He’s been very stressed out lately, he has tons of special stages and performances to practice and perform. I’ve been feeling really bad, especially since there was no way I could help. Whenever I would try to calm him down or relieve his stress, he would always push me away by telling me “he’s fine”. Or just blowin me off. When I really got worried was when one night he locked himself in the bathroom for over an hour. I was so scared.

I look up from my phone and he went from a black t shirt to a wife beater. He was covered in sweat and I could tell he was exhausted. His black fringe sticking to his forehead, and his eyes were a little red. I could tell he was pushing himself, and he was pushing himself a little too hard.

He stopped dancing. “Damn it!” He shouts. “I can never get this shit right!”

I jump at his loud voice of exhaust and frustration. He reach over to the CD player and turn it off. I look back at him and he has his face in his hands, sniffling. He was crying? He’s never cried because of his frustration at practice.

“Jimin? Wanna sit down?” I ask, a little scared if he might have another outburst.

Instead, he calmly walked over to me and sat next to me. He removed his hands from his face -covered in sweat and tears- and rested it on my shoulder.

I wrap my arm around him and rub his shoulder to calm him down. He was really sweaty so I didn’t want to touch him but it was worth cheering him up. “Don’t push yourself too hard, please. You’re stressed enough. Everything is fine with your dancing, I don’t know what you think you are doing wrong. I don’t want to see you like this and you know that.”

He slightly shakes his head. “I just wish things were easier for me.” He tells me with a soft and faded voice.

He brushes his hair back as he gets up from his spot. He holds his hand out for me to grab, “let’s go home.”

I shake my head at his sweaty palm. “I can get up myself.” I say standing up on my feet.

He chuckles. “You know how to make me feel better.” He tells me in a whisper.

I smile at his acts. He holds his arms open and tries to take me in for a hug but I quickly back up. “No hugs until you shower” I shake my head rapidly.

He continues to walk near me and I continue to back up. As soon as I know it, we are running around the practice room like 4 year olds. “No hugs ChimChim!” I shout getting tired.

His face dims down and his eyes become dark. He runs over me and gives me a bear hug. I groan in disgust, even though he is about halfway dry from how he was when he stopped practicing, he is still sticky.

“What did I tell you about calling me ChimChim?” He asked me in a sinister voice.

I roll my eyes playfully and sigh. I lightly push him off me. “Let’s just go home and relax, you need sometime off.” He smiles at me and asks for my hand.

I look at him like he’s crazy. “My hand is dry, jagi.” He smiles even wider. A grin breaks out on my face as I grab his hand with no hesitation.

We walk around the room to collect our things and leave, still hand in hand. We call a cab and we hop inside. We buckle up and the car begins to drive.

As I look out the car window, I can feel Jimin staring at me. I slowly turn my head to look at him and he continues to stare at me.

“What?” I quietly asks.

He shoots a sweet smile at me. “You’re beautiful” he informs me.

I shake my head and look out the window some more. I still feel him staring but I just let him be.

Minutes later

We arrive at our apartment and Jimin tips the driver. We exit the car and walk to our apartment.

We enter the elevator and I press the number 6 button to go to floor 6.

“Jagiya?” He ask. I look at him and raise my eyebrows, signaling him to continue. “Kissy?”

He puckers his lips waiting for me to reply. I try to refuse, until he open his eyes wide out of concern of why I was taking so long to reply.

“You’re too cute to ignore.” I walk to him and peck his lips, but he holds me in place to make the kiss longer. It lasted til we heard the elevator bell ring, alarming that we were at our floor.

He quickly grabs my hand and rushes to our room. He unlocks the door and he almost drags me inside and shuts the automatically-locking door.

He then connects our lips again. It was passionate, but he wasn’t. He needed a shower, bad.

“You need a shower babe.” I groan in the kiss, trying to push him off me.

He complies with my wishes and walks away from me. “You’re right, but I need you. You help me with my stress and anger, and your personality is truly amazing. You look absolutely stunning all the time, you are perfect to me.” His face softened up.

I felt so touched at his words. I held my self back from running to him to give him a tight hug and a kiss. “Hurry up and shower Jimin.” I demand him.

He chuckles and shakes his head in disbelief. “You’re so cute.” He grabs his towel and walks into the bathroom. “Don’t wait up.” He winks at me. He finally closes the door.

I know he was trying to be silly, but that really turned me on. I could feel myself warming up. I heard the shower turn on and I lay down on the bed impatiently. I was still feeling turned on and I couldn’t wait for him to come out. I slide my hands into my pants and start to rub slowly against myself, applying slight pressure to create better friction.

I moan quietly as I circle my middle finger around my clit. The sensitivity caused me to twitch strongly, but it felt great. I moan louder when I slowly insert a finger inside of my wet heat. That’s when the bathroom door opened.

Jimin came out shirtless with basketball shorts on. His hair was damp, his abs were slightly glistening from the small amount of water still resting on it. His eyes widen and I quickly pull my hand out of my pants. We had a moment of silence, staring at each other in shock. After what felt like an eternity, he walks over to me and the next thing I know he is hovering over me.

“You know I wanted you this whole time, right?” he asked me in a whisper. I felt his hot breath on my neck, sending me chills. He dives down and starts to land pecks all over the side of my neck.

I close my eyes in pleasure. He takes some of my neck in between his teeth. I bite my lip, trying my hardest not to let out my moans. He lets go of the skin, “moan princess, I want to hear you.” He tells me in a very soft voice, and licks from my collarbone to my jawline.(BTW His nickname for me is princess.)

With his encouragement, I let out a moan. He smirks and sits up. He grabs the hem of my shirt and slides it off of me, exposing my grey Calvin Klein sports bra. He bites his lips as he runs his hands up the sides of my body, hands going along every curve. He pecks my stomach as he slowly lifts up my bra to reveal my plump breast. He creeps up to my chest and passionately attacks my breast, licking the right one and messaging the other.

He moves over to the left one, and bites my tender nipple causing me to squirm from the shiver sent down my body. He moves down and takes my pants off along with my matching grey Calvin Klein underwear, which where soaked. He took some time to appreciate my body and to appreciate the fact that it was all his.

He then looked down to my dripping wet pussy, then looked deep into my eyes. “princess, every inch of you is beautiful.” I smile at him, he’s the sweetest thing. He then goes down to my heat and starts to lick my folds.

I let out soft moans and whimpers as the intensity raised. He inserted two fingers as he licks my clit. I let out a loud moan. “Don’t be scared to let your stress and anger out on me.” I inform him in a moan.

“ahh, j-jimin” I moan. “I’m close, ah”

With that he pulls his fingers away along with his tongue and I jerk from the feel of nothing. I whimper and look down at him with a confused face. “you’re not cumming just yet, princess” He reassured me, sucking on his coated fingers.

He gets up and slides his shorts off along with his underwear, leaving his long member standing tall for me. I feel my body heat up from the sudden sight in front of me.

He gets on top of me once again and lightly pushes my legs a little bit more farther apart for easier access. He slides his hard on inside of me and continues to dig inside of me until it was all in. I let out a loud and long moan as he does so. He starts to thrust inside of me, gripping onto my hips for more support.

“you’re tight huh?” He breathes out, panting. “My princess is so fucking tight.”

I buck my hips with the rhythm of his for more pleasure. As he speeds up, he cages me in between his arms. He starts to go to an inhumanly speed as I hear his load grunts and pants.

“Ji-Jimin Oppa, i’m a-almost there” I shout out with the last couple of breaths I had. Sweat was dripping from our bodies and foreheads. “you’re so b-big, I’m about t-to” I couldn’t finish my thought as I felt him start to throb against my walls.

“cum with me, princess.” He tells me. “I’m right th-” He got cut off by his pants and the waves of extreme pleasure rushing through our bodies.

He’s thrust got harder, faster, and stronger, and his dick throbbed harder and harder each second. He laid his head on my chest and breathed out airy breathless ‘I love you’s’ as my walls clenched tightly around his hard throbbing member.

Not long after, he filled me up with his white substance along with my strong orgasm, so strong i felt the pleasure go up and down my body. I saw all white as my eyes rolled all the way to the back of my head. With Jimin’s head still resting on my chest, he let out his last long moans and groans into my chest as he gritted his teeth together. Our sweat mixing together, and dripping down the curves and crooks of our bodies. our Bodies stiffened up with pleasure for what felt like an hour. Soon, the amazing echoing feeling wore off and Jimin rolled off of me and laid right next to me. He pulled me in and held me in a sweaty cuddle.

“we’ll shower tomorrow, I love you” he says as his breath becomes steady again. I smile and nod in agreement, “I love you too”

Hello to my horny sinners! It’s my first BTS smut! What do you think? If you want a certain kind of smut with a certain member, don’t be afraid to tell me! 

See Ya!

anonymous asked:

Shatt, “Don't cry." (cover me in sad!Shiro angst pls) (also congrats on 1k follows!! <3 )

It’s the 1000 Followers Special!  Based on these prompts.  Prompts are now closed.  Don’t want to see all 35 of these?  Block ‘1000 Followers Special’.  Can’t read on mobile?  These will slowly be posted to AO3 starting in a few days as ‘Hold Up Half the Sky’.  A huge thank you to Xagrok for the beta’ing!

It was the sound of choking sobs that caught Matt’s attention.

He paused, turning in as low circle as he tried to figure out where the noises had come from.  There was no one around, and this was a pretty unused area of the Castle, filled with old meeting rooms and what had once probably been mechanic’s offices.

Nothing.  There was no one here.

Then there was another sniffle, from a little farther back down the hall.  And now that Matt was looking, he could see that despite the lack of light, the door was just slightly cracked open.

Oh boy.

Pushing the door open, Matt peered into the gloom.  He could see some shelving on the walls and an old chair, and some kind of lump in the corner farthest from the door.  As he stood there, he heard another hiccuping, wet noise.

A tap of the console lit up the room, and Matt saw Shiro, curled up in a fetal position, arms wrapped up to his head as he shuddered.

Oh boy.

(Read More Below)

Keep reading

Mass Effect sentence starters: All the Whispers

based on (x)

  • “Just don’t make the mistake I did.”
  • “There’s always another mission. None of them are an excuse to make yourself an island.”
  • “I got a few scratches and dents. I hope they just give me character.”
  • “Confirmation that my father is working for (…).”
  • “Help us!”
  • “I know what you did.”
  • “I always have time for you.”
  • “It was nothing I couldn’t handle.”
  • “Are you here to kill me?”
  • “Somewhere deep in the fabric of reality, our actions are recorded and remembered.”
  • “Whatever you come up with, you can count me in.”
  • “It seems there will be no one to mourn me when I die.”
  • “You’re the only friend I’ve made in ten years.”
  • “…hell of a fight.”
  • “That won’t happen. I see you all when you get back.”
  • “I watched them die.”
  • “People could get hurt… even killed.”
  • “This war needs to be won.”
  • “My people have a saying - seek the enemy of your enemy, and you will find a friend.”
  • “Your courage for my people will be remembered.”
  • “You won’t be alone in your fight.”
  • “We do not wish you harm.”
  • “I’m willing to do what’s necessary.”
  • “I’ll march into whatever hell you want, but not with a fake smile on my face.”
  • “Nothing positive about grinning like an idiot.”
  • “Finish this… you promise me!”
  • “All I’ve ever done in my entire career is destroy the natural course of the universe.”
  • “If you are worthy of your command, prove your strength.”
  • “It’s so much easier to see the world in black and white; grey… I don’t know what to do with grey.”
  • “I have lived a full life… no regrets.”
  • “Good; get it out of the way so we can concentrate on being big goddamn heroes.”
  • “I’m sorry.”
  • “Good to have you here.”
  • “I beg you - do not do this. Please.”
  • “I know how this will end. But I will not back down - I can’t.” 
  • “Face me in single combat, (…).”
  • “Let me die with honour.”
  • “We can handle ourselves.”
  • “Go back and get (…). It’s the right choice and you know it.”
  • “I wanted you to have a normal life. Marriage, children… things I could never have.”
  • “It has reminded me of what is truly important. Why I swore I’d lay down my life.”
  • “Now go back and get (…), and get the hell out of here. You know it’s the right choice.”
  • “Some souls die in battle, some die in their sleep. And some die for no reason at all.”
  • “One day there will be payback for all that my people have suffered.”
  • “Under your leadership we can’t fail.”
  • “No point in hiding from it.”
  • “So much space. Walls of stone. It’s amazing. I wish my friends could see it. I wish (…) were here.”
  • “There is only one way to save (…).”
  • “I made the mistake of trusting you - believing you were my friend. I was a fool.”
  • “Well, looks like I was the only one to make it out alive.” 
  • “I just want to know - is the person I followed to hell and back still in there? Somewhere?”
  • “Do we deserve death?”
  • “I ask forgiveness.”
  • “Screw that - I can hold them off!”
  • “Everything my people will ever be depends on it.”
  • “I hear we have a galaxy to save.”
  • “I don’t have what you do. That fire that makes some willing to follow you into hell itself.”
  • “I understand. Good luck. I hope we’ll see each other again.”
  • “You just spared our race another genocide.”
  • “You’re picking that thing over us?”
  • “I’m still human. I make mistakes like everyone else.”
  • “You are a great protector. But some things are beyond even you.”
  • “It’s a hell of a job, isn’t it? Being the good guys.”
  • “Someone else might have gotten it wrong.”
Dear Friend,

April 3, 2017

I had a very busy day today.
I woke up at 7:30am.
I didn’t need to be awake until 9:30am, but I couldn’t go back to sleep after I got up to use the restroom.
For some odd reason my mind just started racing.
I kept thinking and I didn’t know how to make it stop.
That was going on for a whole hour.

When I finally got up, I opened my door and was blinded by the bright sunlight burning through the windows in the dining room.
My mom had the blinds open for the natural lighting instead of using our fluorescents.
She was sitting by the bar, typing away on her laptop, and working on some paperwork.

“Good morning Mom,” I said.

“Good morning Papi,” she replied.
She calls me that when she’s in a good mood. 

I walked passed her and headed towards the kitchen.
I had prepared an overnight oatmeal recipe the night before, so the first thing I did was open the fridge to get my breakfast.
I normally don’t eat breakfast, but I’m trying to fix that.

This was my second attempt at making this overnight oatmeal.
I made it with almond milk, plain yogurt, honey, cocoa powder, and chia seeds.
It was supposed to have strawberries as well, but we didn’t have any, unfortunately.
And to be honest, it wasn’t as great as the first time I made it.

When I finished eating my chocolate strawberry-less oatmeal, it was time for me to get ready for school.
I took a shower, brushed my teeth, changed into some nice clothes, put on my black Steve Madden boots, and fixed my hair.
Then, I left to school.

I walked toward my class which was located in the business building.
I was there thirty minutes early for class and I was actually pretty happy about that because I was about to take an exam.
I sat down in the first empty seat I saw and started to study for the time being.

I remember this one classmate of mine was walking in circles around the hallways of the building.
He was wearing sweatpants and I could tell he wasn’t wearing any underwear.
It was really a nice sight to see - I wish you were there to stare at his junk with me. 

My thirty minutes of studying came to an end…
I unconfidently walked into class to fail my exam.
To my surprise, it was a lot easier than I thought, but to be honest I don’t expect to get higher than a “D”.
I will find out by tomorrow how I truly did.

After my exam, I walked to another building - The College of Liberal Arts.
I went there in hopes of running into an old English professor.
I printed out a copy of one of the letters I have sent you…
I’m thinking about publishing it…
I hope that’s okay…

Thankfully, she was there!
I told her about what I was doing and what I was expecting from her.
She’s such a kind woman.
I’m not even her student anymore and she agreed to help me with this.
She even said she’d give it to her colleague because he’s a creative writing professor.
She said she doesn’t have that kind of experience.
She mostly only reads and writes for academic purposes.

Soon after I told my professor goodbye (and many thank you’s), I headed toward the writing center to get a second opinion on the same letter.

The girl that helped me was very kind.
I was so nervous to let her read it and judge it in front of me.
Honestly, I was scared she was going to think it was nonfiction (obviously, it is, but I didn’t want her to get that impression).
I was shaking for a few moments and my palms started to sweat.

She didn’t have to edit it much.
She just told me I had a lot of punctuation mistakes.
I should really work on that.

It was actually really nice to be next to her while she read my excerpt.
She let out a few sighs as if she could relate.
She let out subtle aw’s under her breath.
She also let out a giggle at one point.
It was very comforting to see someone’s real life reactions while reading something I wrote.
It makes me wonder if you do them too.

Afterward, I ended up going to my previous workplace to interview my ex-manager for a project I have for my management class.
When I got there, everyone who I used to work with was still there.
I only saw one unfamiliar face there.
The guy was obviously new.

Everyone said hello and asked how I was doing.
I made small talk with them for as long as I could.
Then, I sat in the way corner of the restaurant and waited for my ex-manager to sit with me.

When she got to the table she said, “I hope you don’t mind me eating right now. I’m starving.”

“No, of course! Don’t worry about it.” I said encouragingly with a big smile.

“Alright then, good! So… let’s make this happen. Hit me with your best questions,” she said. “Show me what you got.”

I laughed, looked down at my notes and started interviewing her.
It lasted about thirty minutes.
I had worked with her for over three years and I can honestly say I learned so much more about her today in this one session alone than those three years with her.

Later, I got something to eat before going into work.
I had Chinese; it was sadly very unsatisfying.

I was only at work for a few hours.
Nothing worth mentioning happened there.

When I got home, I was greeted by my mom the same way she greeted me in the morning.
She was at the bar doing work on her laptop again - I was living in déjà vu. 
My dad was in the living room watching TV.
“How was your day Papi?” She asked while I walked into the kitchen.

“It was okay. I’ve just been really busy all day and I’m about to go eat with Josh,” I said.

“Really? At this hour? Where are you guys going?”

I didn’t realize it was already 10:30pm. “Yeah. I’m pretty hungry and I want to see him. We’re supposed to go to Applebee’s. To be honest, I’m not too sure if I’m going after all because you know how he is with his kids and all. Sometimes he’ll say let’s go, then ten minutes later he’ll say never mind because one of his twins woke up or something.”

“Yeah. You’re right,” she agreed.

I continued talking to my mom for a moment; all while preparing my breakfast for the week.
I’m trying to eat healthier, so I’ve been making the overnight oatmeal I mentioned earlier almost every night.
To save time, I decided to prep for the next four mornings.

I got papers, blunts, bongs.
All the ingredients to make a high nigga pie.
Just kidding.
That’s one of my favorite line’s in Scary Movie; I just had to say it, sorry.
Let me start over.

I got oats, almond milk, cocoa powder, yogurt, chia seeds, yogurt and strawberries.
All the ingredients to make my chocolate strawberry oatmeal (yes, we had strawberries this time).
It didn’t take me long.
Just before I finished up, Josh called me.

“Hey! Do you still want to go to Applebee’s? I got my dad’s truck, so I can just meet you there.” He sounded really happy to go and meet with me. 

“Yeah. Of course. I just need to finish something. If you get there before me you know what to order me right?” I asked.

“Cedar Grilled Chicken?” He questioned. 


“Okay. See you later.”

I hung up the phone and continued to make my oatmeal.
My stomach was feeling really empty so I tried to hurry.
When I was done, I got my keys and rushed out the front door.

I sped my way through the streets and through the highway. 
In times like these - when I’m anxious to see my best friend and hungry - I’m glad the speed limit on the highway is seventy-five miles per hour. 
So, it surely didn’t take me long to get there. 

When I showed up at the restaurant, I walked in and noticed he was sitting at one of the high tables that surrounded the bar.
I walked up to him, he saw me and we both smiled at each other. 
He looked so cute with his freshly new haircut and clean shaved face. 

He knows I don’t like facial hair. 
Sometimes I wonder if he shaves it just for me. 
I doubt he did it for me this time because he just started a new job at a restaurant; they prefer if you don’t have any facial hair. 

“Hey Josh,” I said with a big smile. 

“Hey Alex,” he responded. He mirrored my smile. 

“Did you already order for me?” I asked. 

“Yeah, I ordered for you. It should be coming out in a little bit. I got wings - buffalo and bbq flavored. And of course I ordered your chicken for you.”

“Thanks, because I’m starving!”

The rest of the night consisted of us talking about movies, games, a girl that he’s talking to and our lives. 
He talked about his twins. 
I talked about my love life - or lack thereof. 
This was going on for over an hour. 

When it started getting late, I paid for the tab and we walked out together. 
I started walking him to his truck and when we turned the corner of the restaurant I gave him a big hug. 
We kept our arms wrapped over each other’s shoulder and kept walking toward his truck together. 

It was really cute, because I felt like we were a couple - I’m sure it looked like that to other people who could see us through the windows of the restaurant - but we aren’t. 
He’s just a really great friend who deserves all my love and appreciation.
He’s been there for me every single time, and that’s not me being overdramatic. 
We talk every day.
I see him two to three times a week - four on a good one.
I just love him to death.  
I really do.
And I know he really loves me too. 
I can honestly say bravely that I’d do anything for him. 

“Hey,” he said as he looked at me. 
I turned over to him and looked straight into his brown eyes.
His face was close to mine because we were still holding on to each other. 
“Thank you for the food baby, and the drink of course,” he continued. 
I like it when he calls me names.

I laughed. “You’re welcome Josh. You don’t have to thank me though,” I lied.
Of course he has to thank me. 
I just said that so I could fish for more appreciative comments. 

“Yes I do. You always buy me food. And you’re always there for me when I need you. Or when I need money - you give it to me. The least I could do is tell you thank you. I love you Alex.”
I swear, I feel like he and I make the perfect homo-hetero couple.

My heart fluttered when I heard him say that. 
That’s all I ever want in a relationship - whether it be a friend or a boyfriend - all I ever want is to feel wanted, appreciated, important, and, of course, loved. 
“I love you too, Josh,” I said with a smirk. 

We finally got to his truck and I gave him another hug before I said goodbye. 
“I’ll text you when I get home,” I said.
“You better,” he demanded. 
And I did. 

I didn’t do much after I got home. 
To be honest, there was nothing for me to do. 
I didn’t have homework and there was nothing productive to do around the house. 

So, I decided to have a bit of downtime by myself. 
I made popcorn, heated up some nacho cheese, poured some hot cheetos in my bowl of freshly popped popcorn and pigged out in my room while watching a new episode of Riverdale. 
I only saw about twenty minutes of it though, because I couldn’t stay up too late. 

I also really wanted to tell you about my day. 
I don’t know why. 
I guess I just wanted to say that I wish I had more days like this - days where I’m busy as hell and distracted that I don’t even have the time to think about the bad things. 

So here I am writing to you. 
It’s already passed midnight; I should really go to sleep soon.
I have to wake up early in the morning because my friends and I are going to the school clinic to get our blood checked. 
I’m getting tested for STD’s and general blood work like my sugar levels, cholesterol, etc. 
I’m not sure if my friends are getting checked for STD’s. 

By the way, I know I’m always ranting to you; so, I just wanted to take this time to tell you thank you - I know I don’t do it enough.
So… Thank you!

I have learned to appreciate what you have while you still got it, because one day it will be taken away from you in the most tragic, unprepared way. 

Until Next Time… 
Love always,