The walls between theirs are thin.
It has become routine, hearing Phil’s stuttering gasps and whimpers as he got himself off.
Usually when he hears the first telltale sounds of Phil beginning to do his business, Dan would quickly snatch up his headphones and turn it up to full volume.
It’s normal, he reminds himself as he sweats trying to find the right song in his iTunes playlist. All part of being a roommate. I just wish he wasn’t so bloody loud though…
Dan unintentionally becomes aware of how often Phil does it. It’ll usually be around 3 times a week, and last around 10 minutes. Sometimes during the busy periods he wouldn’t do it for nearly a week, and Dan would watch him as he does his daily activities. Is he doing it in the shower? Isn’t he sexually frustrated? He would wonder.
One night changes everything. It’s around 1am, and Dan is fully immersed into editing a new gaming video. He clips a few parts here and there, while making sure to add little sarcastic comments in comic sans on parts.
“Hello internet! So today…”
Dan blinks. That wasn’t coming from his Mac speaker. He glances around his bed, and sure enough, the headphones are plugged in. So where was it coming from?
It was faint, but he could hear the sound coming from the next room.
Ah. Phil’s watching my videos. Dan thinks, as he chuckles absently to himself.
Dan’s eyes shoot wide open at the sound, and he nearly falls off the bed.
Is he doing what I think he’s doing? While watching my videos? He places a hand over his burning face, mortified. Oh god, he thinks I’m asleep doesn’t he?
Now that suddenly he’s included into this private ritual, Dan cannot stop himself from eavesdropping. He can hear himself from the video, being dared to lick a banana seductively. The airy gasps grow heavier from Phil’s lips.
Curiosity gets to him. He bites his lip and tip toes towards the wall, his heart thundering in his chest.
Now that he’s pressing his ear to the white plaster, the noises grow in volume. Phil’s making these soft moans and keens, his breath shuddering in his throat.
Dan knows he should feel ashamed for his voyeurism, but his roommate’s moans were making him feel dizzy. It felt erotic, and it turned him on. He could feel the tightening of his black skinny jeans.
Hearing his name called like that sends a rush of blood down south. Dan grinds a palm against the hardness in his pants, and his breaths come out heavy.
A moan nearly slips out, and he quickly covers his mouth as he massages himself to the keens coming from the other side of the wall.
He knows that it’s wrong, but he feels too lightheaded and horny to care.
Dan is too embarrassed to look Phil in the eye.
Phil is yawning, his hair sticking up in random places as he navigates sleepily around the kitchen. He opens a cupboard and forgets to close it as he takes out a glass.
“You want some?”
Dan flinches a little, and he stutters “S-sure…” as he realizes Phil is holding up a jug of milk.
He looks a little confused at his reaction, but continues to pour into the pink Hello Kitty mug.
Dan glares agitatedly at his friend’s back. Phil was acting so normal it actually kinda pissed him off.
Dammit, if you like me, tell me!
His roommate is now scrolling twitter on his phone after putting down their drinks on the countertop, and Dan almost thinks last night was just a hallucination.
So he decides to test it. Super casually.
“So, um, Phil.”
“It’s been awhile, since I’ve done one of those Truth or Dare videos, huh?” Dan tries to say conversationally.
Something flickers in Phil’s eyes, and the brunette leans forward slightly. Aha, I got you.
“Phil? You alright?” Dan pretends to sound concerned. Fess up, you knob.
“Sorry, my contact lens dislodged a bit. Let me get my glasses.” Phil expertly dodges the question and even gets up, to boot. Dan’s eyes narrow.
After he gets back, Dan decides on a healthy dose of fruit for breakfast. To be more specific, a banana. He wasn’t going to lose to video Dan, oh no, he was the real deal.
“So, what do you think? Of this weeks new video idea?”
Phil continues to munch on his cereal. “Yeah, sounds good. The things your fans make you do is pretty outrageous though, you sure?”
“Oh yeah, I’m up to it.” Dan grins, and he peels the banana to place into his mouth.
He’s watching Phil intently, as he attempts to erotically lick it and eat it at the same time.
To his satisfaction, Phil had stopped in his tracks, his sky blue eyes wide.
“Ah! That must be from the BCC, they told me they’d call…” Phil says quickly, picking up the phone and answering it. “Hello, this is Phil Lester-”
Dan aggressively bites the banana in half.
It was weird, on how the tables could turn. Dan was certain Phil was in love with him, but for some reason he was the one chasing after him.
He had spent the whole day trying to seduce his friend, and he was exhausted.
Dan lays his head on a resting position on the sofa, the sounds of London’s blaring sirens in the distance. I’ll just close my eyes for a bit, he thinks blearily.
He’s probably only had them shut for 10 minutes, before he hears Phil enter the living room.
If he wasn’t so tired, he may have attempted to moan out Phil’s name like he did to his last night just to get his attention.
He expects him to simply walk past, but Phil stops when he gets to the couch.
Dan didn’t know why he was pretending to feign sleep, for some reason he always gets into these sort of situations.
Phil sighs a little, kind of affectionately actually. A minute later, he feels a blanket being tucked around him. Dan does his best to breathe in and out and hopes Phil doesn’t notice.
“…You always…” He hears him murmur.
“I just can’t tell when you’re kidding or not…”
Ah yeah. That’s how I unintentionally offend people into hating me.
“It’s so frustrating, that I’m too scared to even say this when you’re awake.” Phil continues, and a pang goes through Dan’s heart.
“I just…don’t want to mess this up. There’s just so much at stake, y'know? Our friendship, our living together, our careers…Ah…but this is already too painful…”
Dan suddenly feels bad. Really bad. He feels like he should apologize for his behavior today, but when he opened his eyes again Phil was gone.
Dan doesn’t know what to do, and he stews quietly in his thoughts as they sit together watching Tokyo Ghoul.
He takes side glances at his best friend, but doesn’t say anything.
I can see why he’s so cautious, but he can’t keep stamping on his feelings like that. I mean what about me? It’s like I don’t even get a say in the matter.
An urge to hug Phil arises, but instead he clutches the purple cushion closer to his chest.
“Dan? You alright?” The older man looks at him in concern as he pauses on a particularly grotesque scene.
“…Mmgh.” Dan buries his head into the cushion, his chest aching as he curls into a fetal position. He can’t even look at him without wanting to kiss him.
He blinks as the cushion is taken from him, and Phil is grinning.
“Don’t tell me you’re scared?”
Dan’s heart catches in his throat as he fears Phil had read his mind. They’ve been together so long that it was probably true.
“I don’t blame you though, poor Kaneki!”
Dan realizes what has just happened, and he feels his head short circuit at yet another crushing defeat.
Ah, I can’t stand this one sided bullshit.
Dan snatches the other pillow next to him, it was crucial Phil could not see his expression.
“Look, you’re not the only one.” Dan mumbles into it.
“…Huh? What you on about?” Phil asks, a note of confusion in his voice.
“You’re not the only one who feels like this!” He snaps, and he can tell his roommate is taken aback.
“Look, I heard you jacking off to me in your room last night.”
Phil’s face turns into a brilliant shade of red. He stops and restarts a dozen words, his mouth gaping open.
“Oh. Oh god. I-I’m so, so sorry-” Phil stutters, “I’ll never- oh I screwed up. I’m so-”
“And guess what? I masturbated to you as well! So we’re even!”
Phil looks startled. “You…you what?”
“That’s right, I did it.” Dan says triumphantly. “It’s not just you.”
Phil looks at him with disbelief, before he sighs. “…This isn’t some game, you don’t have to lie to make me feel better-” He begins exasperatedly, but Dan cuts him off.
“So you don’t believe me?” He accuses.
Phil doesn’t answer, his eyes downcast.
“Look Phil, I know you’re paranoid on losing what we have but honestly, I think we could make it.”
He leans over and finally, Phil is looking at him. Dan hesitates for a second, and kisses him very softly on his forehead.
“I’ll be here no matter what.”
Phil is blushing, and Dan wants to coddle him.
“That’s a promise then?”
Phil smiles, and holds out a pinky finger. Dan grins, and takes it.