Chapter 6: How could I have done this to my soulmate? // Shawn Mendes
Author’s note: HERES THE LONG AWAITED CHAPTER 6! There wont be an update for a while as it was quite a long chapter. Shawn’s background is explained a lot here and I hope you guys like it :)
Recap: “Got it.” He rolls his eyes, allowing me to push his towards the door.
I pause, watching his features turn into a small smile as I reach to close the door, I meet his gaze one last time.
“I’ll show you Shawn. We’re a perfect match.”
My soulmate was good at many things. One of them was looking ruggedly handsome in an all-black suit. The other was sneaking into my room when I least expect it.
There he was, 5 minutes to 10:00 am, just like I told him, head to toe in the finest suit he owned.
“You clean up nicely.” I smile warmly at him and he glares at me, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.
“I look like an arrogant ass.” He mumbles, taking a seat on the edge of my bed as I grab some earrings off my dresser.
“Aren’t you always?” I tease, allowing him to complain.
“Very funny.” He scorns me, tugging at his collar again.
“I think you’re really going to enjoy what we’re doing today.” I grin at him and he blanches, a thin sheen of sweat might even be visible on his forehead if you look close enough. “Did you bring your car?”
He gives me a strange look. “Yeah I parked around the back.”
“Lets go then.” I grab my purse off my bed and open my patio door, waiting for him to lead me to his car- a black chevrolet Camaro. It was one of the oldest model’s I’d ever seen but looked surprisingly well kept.
“Bet you’re not used to roughing it out in an old piece of metal like this?” Shawn humour’s, unlocking the car.
“Actually my Grandpa likes to collect old cars, he has around maybe 5 of these but they’re all in different colours.” I try not to laugh too loud at the shocked and mildly annoyed look upon Shawn’s face. I buckle in and Shawn turns on the ignition, pulling onto the road.
“So where are we going?” He breaks the silence.
“Park out front the Dee Gardens and then we’re on foot from there.”
“You made me wear a suit to go to the park?” he asks, looking at me like I had asked him to do the most ridiculous thing.
“Maybe.” I giggle, winding the window down to allow the cool spring breeze into the car. The sun was beating down through the windows and I already knew it was going to be a good day. Perfect for a wedding.
“Okay, there, park there.” The Dee Gardens were a short 5 minute drive from our house and as soon as I saw a free parking space, we took it.
The gravel crunches under my heels as I get out, shutting the door and walking over to the grass. Excitement bubbles in my stomach and I feel a shoulder brush mine, turning to see Shawn standing right beside me.
“Lets go.” I grab his hand, entwining my fingers with his.
“Is this really necessary?” He holds our joined hands up as he falls into step with me and I raise an eyebrow.
“4 weeks, remember?”
He sighs, the sound drawing my attention to the faint hum of voices. We round the corner and ahead is a small clearing, surrounded by tall red woods. There’s maybe 40 chairs either side, an aisle running through the middle. At the end there’s a stand with a small archway made of flowers that have been threaded through the wire. Fairy lights were strung around the trunk of the trees, light green ribbon bows stuck on the back of nearly every chair. It looked beautiful.
I eye the nervous groom standing under the arch, talking to his groomsmen. He looked like he was going to be sick.
“We’re late.” I don’t give Shawn a chance to speak as I rush to our seats, two spares at the back as we weren’t on time. We sit down and I notice Shawn’s gaping expression, his eyes wide.
“You took me to a fucking wedding?” He hisses in my ear, and I elbow him in the stomach to stop his complaining.
“Shut up, Becky is about to walk down the aisle.” I snap back, rising with the rest of the family. I look down to see Shawn still sitting there and I grab his collar, tugging him up so he’s standing next to me.
A flower girl begins her descent down the aisle and I try to ignore seeing Shawn pinching the bridge of his nose out of the corner of my eye. Bridesmaids wearing beautiful jade dresses come next, their hair up in elaborate braided buns.
Then came the bride. Becky looked stunning, her white dress was studded with tiny diamonds and when they caught the light, they shined. The silk hugged her figure and fell away into a train.
“You sneaky little thing.” I hear Shawn whisper in my ear, we were lucky to be at the back where no one could hear us and anyone who could was more preoccupied with the bride.
“Excuse you?” I don’t tear my eyes away from my cousin, her dress was causing me serious envy.
“You take me to a wedding, get me all loved up and then you’re going to strike. You’ve probably arranged our wedding, haven’t you?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I smile innocently at him and he huffs, falling silent as the ceremony begins.
I didn’t stop smiling.
As soon as the ceremony had finished, Shawn dragged me away before anyone had noticed we were there. In silence, we trek back to his car.
“You know we have to go to the reception right?”
“You do. I don’t.” He laughs at my disgruntled expression. The car comes into sight and we head towards it.
“But what if I get approached?” I ask him, giving him my daintiest smile.
“Approached? By who, your Grandpa?” Shawn snorts and unlocks the car.
“No.” I drag the sound out. “By an eligible bachelor who seeks my hand in marriage.”
I feel shocked at the sound of Shawn laughing, his head tilted back and eyes crinkled.
“Sorry princess but the government would never let you get married while your soulmate is living and breathing just across town from you.” The engine rumbles, and Shawn changes the gear into reverse.
“Then why don’t you come along just to make sure that it doesn’t happen.” I rest my hand on his forearm softly. He looks over at me quickly before sighing.
“You’re going to black mail me if I don’t say yes aren’t you?”
Three seconds of silence. He gives in.
“Where am I driving to?”
The reception was located in a pretty fancy restaurant and had a similar decorative touch to the wedding. There were already so many people here and I feel Shawn’s front press into my back so he doesn’t loose me in the crowded room. Leading the way I take him to our seats. My Mother looks up at the sound of chairs scraping against the wood flooring. Her mouth falls open.
“Who’s this Sweetie?” She prod’s, smiling at Shawn whose head whips to face me, disbelief clouding his eyes. We stay standing.
“Mum this is Shawn, Shawn this is… my Mother.” I watch as Shawn’s eyebrows raise, biting his lip to stop himself from saying something offensive to me in front of my mother.
“Nice to meet you Mam.” Shawn says formally, offering his hand for my Mother to shake.
“Likewise.” She shakes it, turning to face me.
“Shawn is my boyfriend.” I quickly tell her, yet my Mum’s face forms an expression of curiosity.
“I thought you were only going to date your soulmate Y/n.” Shawn audibly gulps. His arm snakes around my waist, pulling me into his side.
“We both have many years on our timer’s. We like each other so we thought why not get to know each other.” He tells my Mother, a frown etched onto his face. A relationship during the youthful years with someone who wasn’t your soulmate wasn’t illegal, although it was frowned upon by many people.
“Oh.” My Mother gasps while my mouth opens and closes, no words forming.
“You just lied to my Mother.” I whisper in his ear, Mum still staring at us.
“Would you rather me tell her we’re soulmates?” He rebuts, pulling out my seat and letting me sit down.
“She could easily check my arm and see my timer has gone.” My eyes flick to my sleeve covered arm, right where my timer would have been if it was still ticking.
“Then you will just have to cross that bridge when you come to it.” He frowns at me, resting a hand on my knee under the table. “Now I believe we are at a wedding and you wanted us to act like soulmates, care to dance?”
Somehow, from the time we got here and when we sat down, music had begun to play, a soft beat filling the room.
“I can’t believe you told her.” I mumble to him as he pulls me to the centre of the room where other dancing couples were located.
“I’m just trying to be what you expect me to be. You only have four weeks of this treatment so enjoy it while it lasts.” Shawn snaps and my face flushes in anger.
“I don’t expect you to be an ass Shawn, I don’t know what you want from this ‘trial’.” He rests a hand on my waist and the other holds my left hand.
“Most soulmates act irrationally, right? So that’s what I’m trying to do.” There’s a hint of sarcasm and I ignore it.
“When I asked you to give me a chance I didn’t mean change your entire personality.” I mutter, letting him sway us to the beat.
“I don’t do relationships Y/n, I’m sorry that I said the wrong thing to your Mum. Next time I just won’t say anything” He growls at me and I fall silent.
The music was classical; the instruments filling the dining hall, giving the atmosphere an old fashion feel.
“If you weren’t a member of the libertas would you still have treated me the same?” I ask him softly, meeting his hazel eyes.
“Even if I wasn’t I still have the same belief in soulmates Y/n.” He tells me, his eyes scanning my face.
“If soulmate’s didn’t exist would you want me?” I hold my breath, the question out in the open air.
“If you weren’t my soulmate I think I would have actually wanted to be with you- out of my own choice.” He lets my arm falls and I can’t speak, can’t move. I’m lost in the depth of his eyes. Even after everything he has said to me I want to pull him closer to me, into my embrace.
“Why tell me that? Why not just be with me because you like me?” He lets me rest a hand on his chest, right over his heart and the steady thump has me feeling giddy.
“All my life I’ve told myself that I’m not going to let the soulmate program dictate my life like it did for my Mum.” He whispers softly and we’re dancing again, his left hand glued to my right and his other hand on my waist. We’re chest to chest as we sway to the soft beat from the band.
“What happened with your Mum, Shawn?” I ask boldly, knowing he would either answer me or retreat away from me.
He takes a deep breath. “She was abused… by her soulmate, my Dad.” I let him talk, feeling a weight settle in my stomach. No one ever deserves to be treated the way I can only imagine Shawn’s Mum would have been treated.
“The one person the Government told her that was supposed to treasure her and take care of her was the one that haunted her nightmares and caused black and blue bruises to appear on her skin.” Shawn looks angry now, his hand tightening its grip on my own hand.
“What did she do?” My face is so close to his that I can see the faint flecks of gold in his hazel eyes.
“She put in a request form to the Government to leave her soulmate, so she could find someone else.” In society, when a person’s match dies, we can request to form a relationship with another single match.
“But because my Dad was still alive they forced her to stay with him.” He snarls, his frustration rolling off him. “She couldn’t find happiness with another person because they told her that she could only be happy with him. They partnered my Mother with a monster.”
He twirls me, my dress fanning out and I crash back into his chest ungracefully. Shawn doesn’t seem to care.
“I joined the libertas when my mother couldn’t take the violence any more and committed suicide.” He’s calm again. A sadness welling in his eyes. “I was only 13 and my Dad was the one who found her. He didn’t care that he did that to her. He just packed up his things and left.”
“Shawn.” I try to comfort him but I don’t think there was any measure of comfort I could offer considering what he’d been through. “I vowed that night when both my parents left me that I would never let my life be controlled by the Government the way my Mother’s life had been. Its been 8 years since then and not once have I ever broken that vow. Not until I met you.” His eyes hold my gaze and I feel a heat creep up over my cheeks.
“And that’s why you don’t want a soulmate.” I finish for him and he his hand moves further up my back so his palm is splayed firmly between my shoulder blades.
“That’s not all.” He mutters and I feel a chill creep up my spine. “I’m my father’s son, Y/n.”
“That doesn’t mean-”
“If I gave into this soulmate thing, gave into you,” He pauses to let his words settle and I feel my heart flutter at them. “Whose to say that I won’t turn into what my father was. Hurt my own soulmate who I was meant to look out for and take care of.”
“You’re not your father Shawn.” I tell him and he lets my hands go to cup his cheeks, stopping our dancing. “You’re not going to hurt me.”
“I already have.” He bites his lip and I scrunch my eyebrows in confusion. “When we first met at your school, Jeremy wanted me to take care of the witnesses, I said I would. You were one of them and I hurt you.”
“I don’t remember..?” I trail off, confused with where this was going. I remember having a lump on my head but I thought it was because I had fallen during the attack.
“I smashed your head against the wall and you blacked out.” He spits out and I feel a sick feeling rise in my belly.
“Shawn.” He can tell that I’m beginning to feel the effects of fear, fear of him.
“I watched as your eyes rolled to the back of your head and you passed out in my arms.” He’s put up his walls again. The shields that stop me from getting close. “And when I picked you up I remember how light and fragile you felt. I thought, how could I have done this to my soulmate?” He laughs, the sound harsh against my ears.
“You were just following what Jeremy said-” I try to excuse his actions but Shawn isn’t having it.
“There is no excuse for what I did. I hurt you before I even got to know you and I never want to put you in a situation like that again. If we’re together, you’re only going to be in danger.”
“I can handle it.” I beg him, pulling him to me as he tries to get out of my grip.
“There’s so many people who could hurt you for being with someone like me. It could be the libertas, Jeremy, the Government or what about your soulmate, huh? I could just as easily break you.” His words are sharp yet I don’t let them cut me.
“I trust you Shawn!” I say desperately and he stops struggling against my hold, stops talking, just stares at me. I wrap my arms back around him, over his shoulders and winding my fingers through his hair. Gripping the back of his head I push him forward until his lips touch mine.
I couldn’t breathe. His lips pressed feverishly onto mine and within a second he’s kissing me back. He leans closer to me and his hands are everywhere. On my hips, sliding up and over onto my back, the heat of his fingertips alighting a fire on my skin that made me dizzy.
He doesn’t part from me, instead kisses me harder, sending tremors along every nerve and evoking feelings I had tried to hide from him. I knew it now though. My arrogant, wilful soulmate had stolen a part of my heart, and I didn’t know if I would get it back.