she is a fragile thing that holds the wind in her ribcage and i am whale made human, blubber on the backside, fingers like a fry-up, chubby cheeks that jiggle when i walk fast - i say, hey, can you teach me to be like you where the bones of your body are proud and not hiding shy away under layers of mistakes - except i’m scared of her so somehow i end up stuttering, “you’re so pretty you know that right” and she bites her lip and says “i wish i had your curves, though.” thank you for lying but baby everybody likes a straight road, i’m more like switchback turns on the side of a mountain, all fear and warning sign, i’m the crash below and everybody’s thinking: thank god that’s not me. thank god i am healthy. i turned quickly enough. i’m not her with her heart heaving like a freight train or how she’s scared of strangers.
she says, “people are really changing, though. they’re so much more accepting of …..” she trails off, but i know. it’s the same bullshit i’ve seen at the bottom of every tumblr post. all this love that never seems to make it past the screen. all these skinny little waifs saying “omg how pretty” while they look down at my ruined body and think: thank god that isn’t me.