i wish i were in the tropics

i’m always a slut for a christmas au 

  • “i know we hate each other but it’s christmas eve and your flight was cancelled please come inside”
  • “i got you for secret santa so i got you this really expensive but sentimental gift that you’ve always wanted, hoping you’ll never find out it’s from me - and that i’ve been in love with you 1234567 years”
    SNOWBALL FIGHTS
  • “hi we’re neighbours and omg are you alright i could smell cooking burning - whoaaa now that’s just embarrassing? step aside i’ll handle this”
  • person a seducing person b into taking a few steps back/backing them against the wall (”oh look, how did that mistletoe get right there????”)
  • “you’re in the hospital for the holidays so i came in while you were sleeping to decorate your room i love you merry christmas”
  • “YES I BOOBY TRAPPED THE PRESENTS BECAUSE YOU DO THIS EVERY FUCKING YEAR”
  • “i live below you and i was minding my own business watching the snowfall out the window WHEN I SAW A BODY FALL ARE YOU REALLY PUTTING UP CHRISTMAS LIGHTS NOW”
  • I KNITTED YOU A JUMPER
  • MY MOM KNITTED YOU A JUMPER
  • “we’re strictly ‘platonic’ but we’re snowed in omg we’re gonna have to repopulate the earth”
  • “i slipped on ice outside your house and you ran out barefoot to help me quick let’s get inside under a blanket”
  • “’it’s a wonderful life’ aww it sounds so cute babe sure we can watch it! *30 mins later* “YOU MONSTER”
  • “we were playing in the snow and you suddenly tackled me to the ground and now…we’re just…staring… at each other…”
  • “YOU DON’T LIKE MARSHMALLOWS IN YOUR HOT CHOCOLATE? WHY DO YOU HATE LOVE”
  • TREE DECORATING (bonus points if one of them is doing it completely wrong omg why am i in love with you) 
  • “we took our kids to santa’s workshop and they both wished we would get together”
    FRIENDS AU - “our christmas party turned into a tropical theme because the radiator is broken and it’s hotter than hell in here - damn you look good without a shirt i never noticed before asgdhfjgkhl” 
  • “we’re co workers who hate each other but you had too much to drink at the staff christmas party and admitted your love for me i don’t know how to act around you now” 
  • DRUNKEN CAROLLING (”that’s not a thing” “oh yes it is”) 
  • TEACH ME HOW TO SKI (lol jk i know how you’re just so fucking cute)
  • “there’s a storm and omg i’m losing signal are you okay?? hold on let me drive 489432 miles to get you the night before christmas” 
  • PULLING YOU IN FOR A KISS WITH A SCARF 
  • “i did that annoying thing where i put loads of smaller boxes inside one big box and you’re getting really mad but you don’t know that the ring is in the smallest box and i can’t wait to see your face”
Thoughts on Down

This is a long-ass shit, and I’m not forcing you to read. Also, please be reminded that this is just MY opinion. We all have different opinions, and I’m here to simply share my thoughts, and not to convince you to change yours. So please don’t go to my ask pushing your opinion. I already heard yours. I woke up to a bunch of “asks” and I already know that some don’t like it, while some do.

My initial reaction:

• why is this so auto-tuned? Okay, Dinah’s voice sounds like smooth warm caramel on top of a sundae. Why is this so basic? Lauren’s adlibs tho! Why are the lyrics so generic? Oooh WFH melody… It’s gonna be a bop! Wait why is the chorus so blandly repetitive? But it’s not that bad. Why do they sound so alike?

• and picture me with my earphones on listening to the first verse, pre-hook, chorus and shit with a pensive look on my face, and disappointment running through my head like damn I wanted more…

But then Gucci Mane came in, (and I know I’m the minority in this one), but for me, the first authentic reaction the song elicited from me was his part.

Why? Because his part was so off and out of nowhere that it took me out of the rut I was in. Like imagine a flat line where the song was just monotonous, like a car cruising on a smooth freeway (not bad, but also kind of boring) but then you run into a pothole and you get jerked off your stupor…

That’s what gucci’s part was for me. A tiny spike on that flat line. A deviation that held my attention. I’m not saying it’s amazing. I’m saying that the grating sound of the bass and the randomness of it was what made me smile while listening to it. I’m not even exaggerating when I say that I was smiling the whole time I was listening to that weird bass with a tiny bit of goosebumps on my skin because I knew then that I COULD like Down without lying to myself. It was the only thing that caught my attention, aside from Lauren’s adlibs (which, girl, I wish she did more. I live for Lauren going offffff)

Don’t get me wrong though, I’m so done with these collabs with rappers, like I wanted to hear them alone, like they did with Boss (idc if you say that one is trash lmao, Boss is a bop for me. I fucking love that shit 😂), but if they really have to collab with rappers, I wish it wasn’t Gucci. Maybe Chance, or Migos damn…

But if it were up to me, I wish they would have collabed with female rappers. I still am salty that NTKG wasn’t utilized much. A missed opportunity with Missy Elliott like bitch you had to release TMG over NTKG? NTKG was at least more authentic with the sound it’s trying to project. It was old school and it owned it. Like Voicemail was reminiscent of 90’s bops and not lacing it with today’s trendy dancehall or tropical vibe. It has its own sound, and not a mix of everything generic we hear today where we hear a song and we automatically hear the edm producers more than the artist.

But OMG I digress, sorry.

So yeah, DOWN…

So after my initial reaction, I gave it a couple more listen, and then I watched the live performance, then I slept, then I woke up the next day and I listened to the audio a couple more times, watched the live several more, and here’s my conclusion:

• Down is that kind of a summer bop which grows on you. It’s not a bad song. It’s simplistic but also season-friendly. It’s probably what the label insisted on as their first release.

The reason why it probably feels lacking for me, aside from its repetitiveness, is that maybe it lacks another verse. It’s shorter than WI and WFH so it feels incomplete. There must be a reason for it. It could really be just a teaser.

• at this point in my 5h-stanning life, I’m not even expecting anything mind-blowing. All I want is for 5H to slay the charts, because this should be their era. They seem genuinely happy now and my god after everything they’ve been through (label shit and all), ALL FIVE OF THEM deserve our unwavering support.

• Sure, Down isn’t what I expected. Yes, I wanted more. I wanted more lyrics. I wanted a kickass sound. But, idk man, after several repeats, I think it’s a good enough bop.

• with regards to the vocals, I still hate the auto-tuned shit. I get that maybe they’re finally utilizing Lauren’s range, but I prefer that they don’t auto tune much because I could barely hear her rasp (which was still obvious in her live performance, despite the higher tone she’s using).

Maybe they’re doing it on purpose, making them sound the same as a symbol of their new sound’s “cohesiveness”, but I prefer old 5h where their voices are uniquely different.

• and I’m not even complaining that it sounds like WFH. I don’t have a problem with an artist using a tried and tested formula for ONE of their album’s single. It’s meant to hook the audience. It gives them that familiar sound which could make a NON-FAN recognize their older hits and draw them to the new one. Just because they said “NEW ERA” doesn’t mean that they should change their ENTIRE sound. There’s always that one or two singles that are meant to hook the general public. It’s a constant compromise a mainstream artist makes with their label.

(I mean, The Chainsmokers basically generate the same sound over and over and they’re charting as if they created music. And no, I’m not a big fan of the chainsmokers.

Point is, re-using WFH is not something unheard of. It’s a business move.)

You really can’t please everybody. Because when Lady Gaga released an album that felt authentic for her, some people criticized it and kept saying they wanted the old “Bad Romance” Gaga. When Lorde released her new single, Green Light, her hipster fanbase called her a sell-out and didn’t like that she’s deviated from her “sound” to be more mainstream and I was like bitch can’t an artist explore a different side of her artistry?

And on the flip side, can’t an artist use their old sound? My point is, Down was produced by the same people who made WFH for a reason. They are playing safe. They wanted a single that would generate enough attention like their previous ones did. Then maybe, just maybe, their next singles which probably showcase their authentic sound and lyrics will have as much impact since now people are paying attention. Because no matter how much we want them to be authentic, they’re still a girl group under a greedy ass label who needs them to maintain what their idea of a girl group music and image should be..

And while Down is not something I’m particularly excited about, it’s starting to get stuck in my head, and I don’t hate it. It’s a light summery chill song that’s good to play with your friends while sipping on your drinks by the pool. It is what it was supposed to be.

I get it, I was disappointed too. Down is a downer. But I’m not gonna judge the whole album with one single yet. I’m gonna wait.

This is why I wrote this one before Down was released:

https://problematic-camren.tumblr.com/post/161338803713/5h3

Because I knew that I wasn’t expecting much from their music. I sure hope for more, definitely, BUT stanning 5H isn’t always about their music.

And just because I don’t like a few of their songs, doesn’t mean they don’t deserve my support.

I’m supporting 5h because they represent girls who are not a standard definition of what society thinks a girl should look like or how they should act like. They symbolize us. They showed us that one can achieve their dreams through hard work, and while they have been mistreated before (by their label and by fans alike) they still kept their heads up high, with grace and maturity, and kept on spreading love and inspiration, and they kept on smiling even if their hearts were breaking. They kept striving to be the best they could be, and it’s inspiring. And to see genuine warmth from these pop stars, their love and appreciation for their fans, is something that makes me wanna stan them forever. That’s why even if i really don’t like their music, I’d still keep on stanning them, because what they shared to us, the representation they gave us, the beauty and poise they all showed us, man, even if they fucking screeched for an entire album, I’ll be fuucking putting that on loop and still support their asses.

And I know it’s blind support, but I knew what I was getting into when I started supporting 5h. I wasn’t a pop person before this, I knew I won’t love their music so much. I stan them because I like them, plain and simple.

And I know it’s different for everybody. It’s all just a matter of preferences. Some could unstan just coz they don’t like the song, and that’s totally okay. We’re free to stan or unstan whoever we want. But like I said, it’s just one song. Let’s wait for the other singles and the album.

Ideally, I would love for them to show us everything they have as artists. This is their chance to go big. They have so much potential and I would have liked to see it shine while they’re still in the group. I want the brand Fifth Harmony to leave a lasting mark in this industry. I want them to be on the same spot as TLC or SG or DC. I want them to legit deserve their title.

And Down is not it. But guess what? Down is just one single. I’m gonna wait patiently for the rest of their stuff. I ONLY NEED THAT ONE CLASSIC HIT I’VE BEEN CRAVING FOR SINCE I STARTED LISTENING TO THEM. ONE CLASSIC SONG THAT WOULD STILL BE PLAYED GENERATIONS LATER BECAUSE IT’S JUST SO DAMN RELATABLE AND HEARTFELT.

That’s all I want. And I hope I’ll find that in 5H3.

Yes, Down is empty.

But I won’t unstan just because of one song. We can be disappointed (as I sure was), but I think that 5H is worth more than a few musical disappointments.

💁🏻

legend5rings  asked:

PTA Sans?

Love me some PTA Sans. Can we bring back PTA Sans?

TBH though I think at the beginning Toriel would handle most of that stuff. If she’s not available, someone else would step in.

Maybe ALL the monsters– they just keep getting rotated out as each one causes their own brand of disaster. Undyne brought charred brownies and made three parents cry. MTT spent more than $10k on a fifth-grade gym dance, and half of that was for a car-sized mirror ball. Asgore chipped five doorways and broke two ceiling fixtures coming in. Papyrus is no longer allowed in the school after “Puzzle Appreciation Day” turned out to have a lot more deadly hazards than most parents expected. Sans set up a candy bar racket with the Kindergartners and didn’t indicate it on his taxes. Alphys was doing great! …Until during a science fair she organized, one of her example box furniture inventions malfunctioned and gave one of the judges a black eye.

Nah, but besides that Sans in my Post-Pacifist is more like the friendly neighbor dispensing life advice at the midpoint of the episode. And he just shows up in random places when life advice is needed. He’s like a lazy, noncommittal Mr. Feeny.

“Aw, this day at the county fair/city park/aquarium was supposed to be fun, but now I’m having a fight with my best friend! Is our friendship ruined??”

“heya kid, you seem kinda down.”

“Sans! I didn’t know you were a rodeo clown/living statue/tropical fish tank cleaner!”

Even in the later years, when I have him latch onto Toriel and Frisk, it would just be moving those gags inside the house. “Sans, where are you going?” “i’ve got a new job as a high school mascot/massage therapist/Alaskan crab fisher today.”

I don’t think I’d have him get too involved with Frisk’s school life.

(Related to PTA Sans is Janitor Sans, which is another thing I love and wish would come back. Sans being this wise and mysterious authority among children and their child drama is funny to me.)

Wednesday wishes...

—I wish I could go back about 20-25 years ago and do one or maybe many things differently. Fucking hindsight and that 20/20 vision! Where were you when I needed you!

—I wish I had indulged my pop music fetish and got tickets for Pink’s concert on the beach tonight. That would have been really cool. But it would have needed to be about 10 degrees cooler. With less people. Maybe I’m glad I didn’t go. I’ll let you know in about 10 years.

—I wish I had a second bathroom. But you knew that one already.

—I wish vacations to tropical islands weren’t quite so expensive,because, yeah, I need at least three.

—I wish I had never let my passport expire.

Hope your wishes are coming along nicely, lovely friends!! And we’re over the hump!! 😊

Jurassic World be not so good

I took some notes during Jurassic World, a movie that has made $1 billion faster than any other movie that has ever existed. It turned out to be exactly as not good at all as I expected. Here is an INCOMPLETE list of the dumb, dumb things that happen in this wildly successful movie.

–The youngest son is precocious enough to tell his mom that they don’t need to rush out the door because the airport is 36 minutes away (16 with no traffic) yet not precocious enough to know that it’s important to get to airports early.

–The eldest son doesn’t even like his girlfriend, and is unnecessarily rude to her? (upon finishing the movie, this is not resolved or really even addressed aside from the few times he looks at girls when there are girls around, but also it shows him looking bored (longingly?) at a picture of his girlfriend at one point so it’s hard to tell how he feels about anything, but then dinosaurs get loose and he doesn’t do anything about this ever again.)

–The dad mocks his eldest son for being sad (or bored?) that he’s leaving his girlfriend for a week? Is the dad character jealous of the eldest son character?

–The parents don’t get along and don’t like each other, at all, and then they are gone, seemingly forever? (They show up later twice but no word on how their divorce went.)

–Not only is twenty years not enough time for people to get bored of actual dinosaurs, but twenty years ago a bunch of dinosaurs killed a lot of people, so they wouldn’t even be available for the public to see for at least several years after that.

–“Kids look at a stegosaurus like it’s an elephant,” she says as if there is only one place on Earth to see elephants because they’ve been extinct for millions of years and have only been brought back to life for everyone to see within the last, let’s say, fifteen years. We landed on the moon more than forty years ago. That shit is still amazing. Sign me up for Moon Park and take me to the moon, you stupid movie.

–In the scenes before and after she talks about how kids don’t care about dinosaurs, we’re shown one of the main characters which is a kid who only cares about seeing dinosaurs.

–(About six scenes later, they show a whole mess of kids laughing and being amazed by dinosaurs)

–Talking about the Monstersaurus they created: “We hit a few snags early on. It began to anticipate where the food would come from.” Fucking cats do that. Mice do that. The other dinosaurs in your park do that. Every animal ever is wired to do that, it’s how animals still exist, you dumb fucking movie.

–“It tried to break the glass,” she says, next to completely splintered glass. Someone should replace that glass.

–Sixteen minutes in and the alleged Prattagonist hasn’t even shown up.

–Here’s the Prattagonist, impressively showing us that he can make raptors… look at him? That’s the trick they’re doing, right? When he says every one of their names in a row for us? And then he lets them go and his buddy’s like “You finally did it, man!” Finally did what? Got the raptors to look at him? This was the big moment? THAT WAS HIS BIG MOMENT?

–“We need velociraptors for wars, because we can’t use drones because drones can be hacked and once a real war starts, all of our technology will go dark.” … What?

–”Extinct animals don’t have any rights.” “They’re not extinct anymore.” “Exactly.” … WHAT?

–When that guy falls into the raptor pit and the Prattagonist goes in to save him, he tells the raptors “Back up! Back up!” The raptors slowly advance on him, and he says “Good, good…”

–I know the older brother will wind up learning a lesson and he’ll be a better brother, but I wish it didn’t take being chased by giant monsters to do that. If you were nicer to your younger brother, that cute girl on the boat probably would have been more attracted to you. Also, there are dinosaurs five feet away from you. Go look at them.

–BUY A MERCEDES-BENZ, AMERICA!

–BUT MAYBE EVEN MORE IMPORTANTLY, BUY A COCA-COLA! NOTHING IS MORE REFRESHING THAN ROOM TEMPERATURE BUBBLED SYRUP WHEN YOU’RE SWEATING ON A TROPICAL ISLAND AFTER A LONG DAY OF TRAINING FORMERLY EXTINCT MONSTERS.

–The fragile lady who’s lived on a bug-infested tropical island for at least seven years is like “ICK A BUG” and then the Prattagonist grabs it out of the fucking air, holy shit what even are you, movie?

–”Why do you want me to inspect the paddock where you’re keeping the new giant monster that’s never existed before?” “Well, we thought since you can control the raptors…” And then he cuts her off and she never gets to give a satisfactory answer to that reasonable question.

– “Who prints out an itinerary for a night out?” he asks. Her answer is, “I’m an organized person,” but the real answer is, “Nobody. No believable human being.”

–Every other line of dialogue in that scene.

–Okay, PLEASE buy a Mercedes-Benz?

–The guy hired to detect problems with the Monstersaurus cage asks about the feeding mechanism, “You feed it with that?” The woman who asked him to help is APPALLED that he’s EVEN TALKING TO HER, and asks, “Is there a problem?”

–The monster’s been in this cage for months, and they are just now asking ANY PERSON how they should raise it and take care of it?

–The Monstersaurus is finally loose. “She has an implant in her back. I can track it from the control room,” but not from here, where the monster lives and is observed. That would be nuts.

–Wow, seriously, Jurassic Benz everywhere.

–”That wall’s forty feet high. Do you really think she could have climbed out?” Hey, movie, earlier in your movie, you said that the Monstersaurus was between 40 and 50 feet long so yeah probably.

–Clever move covering yourself in gasoline, but now you’ve got gasoline in your eyes. That’s not water. It’s gasoline. Act like you have gasoline in your eyes.

–Can we put a moratorium on war-hungry dummies who are mean to animals for no reason other than to make their eventual death “satisfying”?

–It’s like the only animal this Claire person has ever seen is a worm that turned out to be just some dirt. “It can’t have learned anything, it’s just an animal!” “It can’t feel anything, it’s just an animal!” “It can’t be real or do things, it’s just an animal!”

– “She clawed out her tracking device.” “How would she know to do that?” “She remembered where they put it in.” “Right, but, like, how would she know what it is and what it does?” “She remembered them putting it in her.” “Sure, but, how would she know that that’s a thing she needs to get rid of? Like how did she know that the thing tracks her? Even considering the intelligence of a raptor, it couldn’t possibly know that the tiny device implanted in it at an early age was used to track its whereabouts.” “Well, sure okay, but she doesn’t have to know what it does, just that it’s a foreign object and she needs to remove it.” “Fine, then why didn’t she remove it literally any other time? If she just wanted it out, why didn’t she do that earlier? She waited until she escaped and ran several miles to throw you off, then removed it. Why?” “I don’t fucking know, okay?! I don’t! There, it’s an R-rated movie now! Fuck fuck fuck I don’t fucking know why things happen. Sorry.”

– “Mr. Grady, if you’re not going to help, get out of here,” she said in response to helpful advice.

– “We used this animal’s DNA so it would do a particular thing, but I never imagined that a second thing could happen, despite the fact that the first park everyone’s always mentioning was destroyed because they used frog DNA and didn’t expect the dinosaurs to be able to do things frogs could do,” says the scientist, basically.

– “You act like we’re doing mad science,” says the scientist, adding, “Nothing in Jurassic World is natural!” Verbatim.

–This whole conversation with the scientist is fucking ridiculous and he changes his opinion about the situation (and the reasons for the situation) about every other sentence.

–The kids are in the car bubble and the youngest one looks in every single direction and asks, “Where are they?” The older one says “Oh, man,” revealing that there are fifteen enormous dinosaurs ten feet in front of them.

–They went through all of the trouble to design some bubble cars, and then they… don’t use them? The Jurassic Park jeeps are iconic because they have an original design, and because they were used in more than two scenes of the movie. You have this awesome idea for a dino-viewing vehicle, and they could be iconic if they were better utilized (also if the movie was much better). Practically the minute we get into one of these bubble cars, Monstersaurus shows up and destroys it. No chase scene, no daring escape in a gyroscopic bubble car. Just a monster shows up and bites it like it bit the jeep that one time. Why even bother creating something like that if you’re not going to use it? More screen time for the generic, forgettable MERCEDES-BENZ?

–Smart, though, putting in all of these familiar shots and homages to the original movie to remind us all of good movies.

–Okay, the kids just got to a waterfall and jumped in and that’s all well and good but in the previous scene they had a gyroscopic bubble car. Bet that would have been pretty cool to keep around.

–She got sad when the dinosaur died and that was a fine idea, movie. I’m not being sarcastic.

–… Even though it is virtually unbelievable that this woman who’s worked with dinosaurs for years and years hasn’t had a single moment of connection with or appreciation for any of the thousands of dinosaurs at the park.

–The employee tasked with taking care of the brothers easily could have been a character in this movie. Instead she was on her phone the whole time and then she died horribly. I probably would have cared about that last part if she was a character in the movie.

–Man, I love Chris Pratt. He’s delightful, funny, and seems like a really genuine, kind guy. But he should not be the protagonist in action/adventure movies. I can constantly feel that he knows he’s the protagonist in an action/adventure movie, and wants to make sure he looks really cool saying the things he’s saying. Good for him and his career and the fact that he and his family will be set for life, but… nah, man. Nah.

– “How did they even start that thing up?” asks the character who was working on a motorcycle engine fifteen scenes ago.

–I find it hard to believe that Judy Greer is in this movie anymore, or was ever in this movie in the first place.

–At this point I stopped writing things down because there are some action scenes that happen and they’re completely okay, except it eventually becomes clear that these scenes existed many years ago and the last decade was spent trying to write a movie that leads up to them. Also during these scenes, the male and female leads/placeholders fall in love, I guess, even though they’ve never shared a single conversation together.

–Lauren Lapkus and Jake Johnson got to do a funny bit towards the end!

–The sometimes-reasonable bad guy says, “Imagine: A weapon–deadly, alive, intelligent–that nobody can find or take control of,” as if that’s not the dumbest fucking thing he’s ever said to a person.

–SOFT PITCH FROM A STUDIO EXECUTIVE: Let’s have one of the raptors “bite off the hand that feeds him” at the end. It’ll happen to the New Newman, and we’ll add a scene earlier where he pets the raptor while gabbing on about how the nature of things practically demands that he creates a giant army of probably unstoppable snake monsters.

–A raptor, after a moment of uncertainty about its relationship to the Prattagonist, screams, “Run! I’ll stall him!” Then they don’t do anything and Monstersaurus kills it.

–After telling us the different raptors’ names over and over again, why did they make sure that they all had completely interchangeable personalities and features? This movie hasn’t tried to make me care about anything.

–The gift shop is called “Pandora’s Box,” because the park is self-aware enough to do that, but not enough to reconsider making a giant carnivorous demon creature with a very short wall built around it.

–Did nobody think to invent a special weapon to take down the monster? “Well, bullets don’t penetrate its skin, but we’ll look cool holding guns anyway!”

–Friendly reminder that the premise of this movie is that a theme park for children decided to create a gigantic carnivorous monster designed specifically to have various qualities of many of nature’s best hunters.

–They really harped on how the Monstersaurus had a deep connection with its food crane, and how Prattagonist was really smart for knowing that, and then the movie never mentioned it again? Couldn’t that have been, like, used? In the third act? As part of some sort of plan?

–The T-Rex saves the day again, because who could possibly ever think of a second idea?

–Oh wait they did think of a second idea! (“A different large dinosaur saves the day.”)

–Literally any additional reference to the divorcing couple’s divorce would have been appreciated. The entire film’s denouement was like fifty seconds long.

–Call me crazy, but this new romantic relationship between the two characters who couldn’t stand each other until they both almost died a bunch probably won’t last.

I have the funniest story to tell.. When I was a kid I was kinda jealous that all my friends celebrated christmas, even though I’m muslim my mum would let me go to christmas parties at school so I didn’t feel left out. I was one of a few muslims in our entire school. Anyways, so on christmas day I was feeling emotional because santa wasn’t going to come to my house because we didn’t have a christmas tree.. I called my 2 younger sisters who were 5 at the time and told them we’re making our own christmas tree so santa comes to us.. We had a tree in our living room for decoration, it was a fake tropical tree and what I did was wrap fruits like apples and oranges in foil and put it on the tree like ornaments. I wish I was making this up… Our entire tree was filled with foil and huge fruits.. When my mum arrived home I told my sisters not to tell her because we would get in trouble but they did anyway (snakes) and my mum screamed at me.. Now looking back I’m thinking wow.. I had quite the imagination.

just another dumb-ass joke.

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two  prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called  Christian.

The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened  by sharks that inhabited the area. Finally one day Justin said to Christian  "I’m fed up with being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn’t have  any worries about being eaten".

Suddenly a large mysterious cod appeared and said “Your  wish is granted” and lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark.

Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of  being eaten by his old mate.

Time passed (as it invariably does) and Justin found life  as a shark boring and lonely. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he  came close to them. Justin didn’t realise that his new menacing appearance was  the cause of his sad plight.

While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod  again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a  prawn. He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and lo and behold,  he found himself turned back into a prawn.

With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam  back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail.

Looking around the gathering at the reef he realised he  couldn’t see his old pal. “Where’s Christian?” he asked.

“He’s at home, still distraught that his best friend  changed sides to the enemy and became a shark” came the reply.

Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and  torture, he set off to Christian’s abode.

As he opened the coral gate memories came flooding back.  He banged on the door and shouted “It’s me, Justin, your old friend, come  out and see me again”.

Christian replied “No way man, you’ll eat me! You’re  now a shark, the enemy, and I’ll not be tricked into being your dinner!”

Justin cried back “No, I’m not. That was the old me.  I’ve changed… I’ve found Cod. I’m a Prawn again Christian”.

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Originally posted by 107th-infantry

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Gravity

Prompt: Can I please have a Bucky x Reader? The reader lives in a small town in Oregon and is totally the stereotype. And whatever you do with it is cool. Idk I live here and love it and yeah haha thank you so much!

Warnings: I am still suffering from Gravity Falls feels. Forgive me.

It was summer. And while you wished you were off on some tropical island, your parents had shipped you off to work in your great-uncle’s shop in a small town in Oregon. It was boring. Every day was the same as the last. You watched as helpless tourist after tourist stumbled into the tourist-trap-town. Well, until one day.

The day had started as normal. You were sitting behind the register, flipping through a magazine during one of the slowest hours of the day.

“Ugh,” You set down the magazine and pulled out your phone, forgetting for a moment that the shop didn’t seem to have any cell service. It was a real problem. And until you went back to New York, where your parents lived, you had patchy service and more bug bites than you could count.

“Something wrong, kiddo?” asked your great-uncle Dan. He was dressed up in his usual uniform, a suit and tie with his lucky 8-ball cane.

“The cell service is out again.” You complained. “How am I supposed to text my friends if I can’t even get a bar?”

“I’ll see what I can do about that.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “You know, why don’t you restock the vending machine and fold some t-shirts and then maybe it’ll be fixed.”

“Sure, whatever,” you grumbled.

You got out from behind the counter and grabbed the box of chip bags stashed back there. You used a key from the ring hooked to your belt loop and unlocked the vending machine. It only took a few minutes to restock the machine. After that, you folded t-shirts and set them on the stacks of shirts in the middle of the store.

The little bell over the door rang, signaling that you had to resume your post behind the desk. You trudged over and sat on the stool as a man walked in.

He was tall, muscular, his chin covered in stubble. He was wearing a red flannel, worn out jeans, and brown work boots. You caught a glint of metal peeking out from beneath his sleeve. Tufts of brown hair stuck out of his baseball cap, and he looked to you with soulful blue eyes.

You watched as he walked around the shop, picking up a few things and making his way over to the counter to check out. You rang up his things: a t-shirt, a keychain, a new baseball cap, a flashlight, and some other things.

“What brings you to our sleepy little town?” You asked, raising an eyebrow. He smiled a little, shyly.

“I, uh, I’m looking for a girl named (Y/N),” he said. Your heart raced. Shit. He knew.

“Why?” You asked, subtly hiding your nametag by zipping up your hoody. “Did she do something wrong?”

“No, uh, she just…she’s special. We need her.”

“How did you find me?” You asked, defensively. Your expression hardened. “And who are you with?”

“You’re (Y/N) (L/N),” he stated in disbelief, looking you over. “I expected someone…”

“Older? Yeah, I get that a lot.”

“My name is Bucky. Your great-uncle is the son of my friend.”

“Hey kid, is everything okay in here?” asked Grunkle Dan, walking back into the store. He eyed the stranger. “Well I’ll be darned. Sergeant James Buchannan Barnes. I’ve been waiting for you for a while, pal.”

“Grunkle Dan, what’s happening? Who is this?”

“(Y/N), this is Bucky. He’s going to take you somewhere safe. Did you pack your duffle bag like I told you to?”

“Yeah, but-”

“Take it and go. I’ll see you soon, kiddo.” he said quickly.

You grabbed your bag from behind the counter and reluctantly followed Bucky out the door. He opened the passenger door of a shiny black pick-up truck and helped you into the seat. He slammed the door shut before walking around the side of the truck and hopping into the driver’s seat. He started down the old dirt roads.

“I know it’s kind of a bit late for introductions, but…I’m James. Everyone calls me Bucky.”

“Where are we going?” You asked, a bit scared. You had no idea what was happening. Mere minutes earlier you had been a Gifted working in a gift shop. Now, you didn’t know what was happening.

“You don’t have to be scared, (Y/N). I won’t let anyone hurt you.” he paused. “But to answer your question, we’re going to upstate New York. I have a friend that’d like to talk to you about the Avengers Initiative.”

wish I were a mystic & sensitive, tropical, Brazilian boy living in the 70`s in his 20’s, with a whimsical and aerial way of braving life and political matters, in unitary contact with nature & art. like a romance… my unique commitment would b the sea. 

in the preceding day of my death, i’d confide something curious to a group of friends… dead, at the very next day, at the beach. during a rainfall. i don’t know if i want my body 2 be found. 

What’s the worst thing your school has ever done? Removed the vending machines? Canceled Taco Tuesday? Went with “Tropical Paradise” for a prom theme, instead of your suggestion, “Mad Max World”? Consider yourself lucky: Diana Achieng, a student at Kenya’s Strathmore University, wishes she had those kinds of problems. Her school ordered security forces to open fire on campus in order to simulate a terrorist attack back in November 2015. Sadly, while the attack itself was fake, the dozens of injuries and one fatality it caused were all too real.

“On the day of the attack, I had just left the Students Centre to go for lunch when a friend I was with received a call from someone at the school,” Diana recalls. “The caller was running out of there because there were gunshots coming from the Students Centre, where I’d been just a few moments ago. A couple of armed masked men wearing white overalls were shooting going up the stairs. … We decided to check Twitter, which is where we finally found out what was going on: It was a security drill.”

That’s right, Strathmore decided to announce their drill on Twitter after it already began, which was possibly the least helpful thing ever. They might as well have announced it through MySpace.

5 Horrifying Lessons From The Day My School Killed Someone

CHRISTMAS AUS I WANT

remember-to-bring-me-back:

i’m always a slut for a christmas au

  • “i know we hate each other but it’s christmas eve and your flight was cancelled please come inside”
  • “i got you for secret santa so i got you this really expensive but sentimental gift that you’ve always wanted, hoping you’ll never find out it’s from me - and that i’ve been in love with you 1234567 years”
  • SNOWBALL FIGHTS
  • “hi we’re neighbours and omg are you alright i could smell cookingburning - whoaaa now that’s just embarrassing? step aside i’ll handle this”
  • person a seducing person b into taking a few steps back/backing them against the wall (”oh look, how did that mistletoe get right there????”)
  • “you’re in the hospital for the holidays so i came in while you were sleeping to decorate your room i love you merry christmas”
  • “YES I BOOBY TRAPPED THE PRESENTS BECAUSE YOU DO THIS EVERY FUCKING YEAR”
  • “i live below you and i was minding my own business watching the snowfall out the window WHEN I SAW A BODY FALL ARE YOU REALLY PUTTING UP CHRISTMAS LIGHTS NOW”
  • I KNITTED YOU A JUMPER
  • MY MOM KNITTED YOU A JUMPER
  • “we’re strictly ‘platonic’ but we’re snowed in omg we’re gonna have to repopulate the earth”
  • “i slipped on ice outside your house and you ran out barefoot to help me quick let’s get inside under a blanket”
  • “’it’s a wonderful life’ aww it sounds so cute babe sure we can watch it! *30 mins later* “YOU MONSTER”
  • “we were playing in the snow and you suddenly tackled me to the ground and now…we’re just…staring… at each other…”
  • “YOU DON’T LIKE MARSHMALLOWS IN YOUR HOT CHOCOLATE? WHY DO YOU HATE LOVE”
  • TREE DECORATING (bonus points if one of them is doing it completely wrong omg why am i in love with you)
  • “we took our kids to santa’s workshop and they both wished we would get together”
    FRIENDS AU - “our christmas party turned into a tropical theme because the radiator is broken and it’s hotter than hell in here - damn you look good without a shirt i never noticed before asgdhfjgkhl”
  • “we’re co workers who hate each other but you had too much to drink at the staff christmas party and admitted your love for me i don’t know how to act around you now”
  • DRUNKEN CAROLLING (”that’s not a thing” “oh yes it is”)
  • TEACH ME HOW TO SKI (lol jk i know how you’re just so fucking cute)
  • “there’s a storm and omg i’m losing signal are you okay?? hold on let me drive 489432 miles to get you the night before christmas”
  • PULLING YOU IN FOR A KISS WITH A SCARF
  • “i did that annoying thing where i put loads of smaller boxes inside one big box and you’re getting really mad but you don’t know that the ring is in the smallest box and i can’t wait to see your face”
What if.......

A/N: Hope you like this one

Thank you to eoux for the ‘What if’ suggestion and my friend Celina for helping me with Zayn's 

Don’t forget to send in your prompts!!

Liam:

Liam’s phone vibrated loudly on the bed side table, jolting him from his sleep. He groaned rolling over, prepared to ignore the call, but when he saw your name flashing on the screen he panicked. A quick calculation of time difference told him that it was late in the evening in London. “Babe, is everything ok?” Liam mumbled gruffly into the phone. Silence met him on the other side, you gripped the phone with shaking hands, forgetting to respond after hearing the much needed sound of his voice. “Y/N are you alright?” Liam asked his voice slightly more urgent this time. “Li?” you whispered “Yeh it’s me darling what’s wrong?” Liam asked with a soft tone. “I miss you Li, I can’t sleep, I’m stressed and I need you” you stuttered out in a rush, your voice shaky as you tried not to cry.  Liam sighed “Y/N what if…..you came out to see me” Liam said, then rushed on before you could protest “I know you said you needed to stay at home and study, but I miss you babe and you miss me, so what would be the harm in coming out here for 2 weeks.” Silence fell as you took in his words before you did something you rarely let yourself do, you went with your heart, “ok Li.” “Ok?” Liam asked incredulously. “Yes ok Li I miss you and I can’t wait another 2 months to see you” you confirmed. “Ok baby, get some rest then, I’ll have a ticket to you in the morning” Liam told you happily. “Ok Li I’ll see you soon” you said finally letting yourself relax. “I can’t wait love” Liam said before the line went dead. True to his word, when you woke in the morning you had an email with your flight details for the next day.

Louis:

“Louis it’s raining again” you complained loudly, looking out your bedroom window. The rain was cascading down the window panels, blurring your view of London outside. It had been weeks since you had a proper sunny day. You were sick of being wet every time you stepped outside and you were craving some sunlight. “Love we live in London were you really expecting anything different?” Louis asked you with a chuckle. “No” you groaned “I just really wish we could get some sun for a change, I’m sick of always being cold and wet.” Louis came up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist pulling you back against his chest and resting his head on your shoulder. “It’s not too bad” he tried but you just sighed “yes it is, I miss the sun.”  “What if….we went on a holiday babe? Find a nice tropical destination and spend a week soaking up the sun?” Louis suggested. “Are you serious Lou?” you asked turning your head slightly to see his face. “Of course I am, we both have a week off in 2 weeks’ time, we could go then,” Louis said kissing your cheek to accentuate his point. “Louis that would be amazing” you exclaimed, spinning in Louis’ arms so you could wrap your arms around him. “Where are we going to go, oh we should start looking at some places,” you began excitedly. Quickly you grabbed Louis’ hand and started pulling him towards the laptop, your worries about the rain completely forgotten. Louis smiled as he saw you smiling with excitement. The two of you sat down together at the computer and started researching holiday destinations and resorts. You then proceeded to spend the afternoon digging all of your summer clothes out from the back of your wardrobe. Louis didn’t have the heart to remind you that it would still be two weeks before you could go, he was too happy to see you so excited over something.

Niall:

“What would you like for dinner Niall?” you asked him from the doorway of the office where he sat on the laptop. “I don’t know Y/N whatever” he snapped quickly. You stood silently at the door for a moment, trying to figure out what you could have done wrong in the last few days to make Niall angry at you. “Niall, what have I done?” you asked quietly, almost afraid of his answer. Your unusually low voice caught him off guard and he finally turned to look you in the eye. “What do you mean Y/N, you haven’t done anything wrong” Niall said with furrowed brows. “Then why are you so angry with me?” you whispered. “It’s not you Y/N” Niall said, dropping his head into his hands, hoping to avoid you seeing the tears that had begun to fill his eyes. But you saw the glisten none the less and rushed forward to crouch before him, “Niall what is it?” “I just, it’s so stressful all the time, I always have something I’m supposed to be doing and I haven’t seen my family in ages, I haven’t even had a call from mum in weeks.” Niall rushed out in a breathless voice. You frowned at how helpless and downtrodden he sounded, “Niall, if that’s what it is, if your homesick, what if…..we went to see your family.” you suggested, pulling Niall’s hands from his face so you could see his face. It looked hopeful for a moment as he let your words sink in, “really Y/N you’ll come with me to see them to?” he asked, voice louder and full of more life now. “Of course Ni, if that’s what you need, that’s what we’ll do” you concluded with a smile. “Thank you Y/N” Niall exclaimed pulling you into a tight hug and holding you close against his chest.

Harry:

“Harry, what are you doing?” you asked with a laugh, watching him continue to move awkwardly on the dance floor. “I’m dancing Y/N” he told you, waving his long arms over his head for emphasis. Harry was clearly buzzing from the copious amount of alcohol he had consumed, but you smiled because he looked so happy and carefree, pulling weird poses in the middle of the crowded dance floor. Before you could further question him, he grabbed your wrist and pulled you into the crowd with him. Taking your hand in his, Harry spun you in a circle before pulling you against his chest, hands resting just above your bum as he swayed you back and forth, well off time to the beat of the music. “What if…we went home Harry” you suggested as you felt Harry stumble over his own feet once again. “What if I was a dancer, not a singer” Harry asked suddenly, completely ignoring your suggestion. “What if Zayn really was a chick like veronica, that would change the band.” You just shook your head at his ridiculous questions. “Babe would you still like me if I was a dancer” Harry asked you then, seemingly serious. “Yes of course Harry, but I don’t think you would be a very good one” you said with a chuckle. “You’re probably right, what if you were a dancer…..you would be a good dancer” Harry said confidently. You blushed “right, thanks Harry, so what if we went home?” you asked again. “Alright babe, let’s go home” Harry agreed “but you should become a dancer.” “Ok Haz I’ll do that tomorrow,” you said as you started to help Harry through the crowd towards the door. You were smiling to yourself, thinking about some of the ridiculous things Harry said when he had been drinking.

Zayn:

You sat on the window seat, staring blankly out of the window, your mind off in the clouds. “Is everything ok?” Zayn asked, seeing your position when he entered the room. “What!” you asked, quickly, shocked out of your thoughts by Zayn’s interruption. “Is everything ok?” Zayn asked again, a small smile playing on his lips after seeing how focused you had been. “Yeh I’m fine” you told him absently, your mind quickly becoming preoccupied again. Zayn frowned, about to leave you to your thoughts when you stopped him, “Zayn don’t you get bored?” you asked, curiosity evident in your tone. “Bored with what exactly Y/N?” Zayn enquired, cautious as to whether he should be on the defence. “I don’t know, just everything, I mean you get into a routine and you just stick to it, you choose how something looks and you keep it, don’t you think life gets boring?” you asked, voice not quiet sounding like you were talking to him, but more to yourself. “Well if you’re bored, what if….we changed it?” Zayn offered with a grin, “let’s change things up a bit.” You looked at Zayn for a moment, looking for signs he was making fun of you, when you didn’t see any you grinned, “Ok let’s do it….first I think we need to do some shopping” you started excitedly. You and Zayn spent the next week or so, waiting for your online purchases to arrive and slowly redecorating and reorganising your home. It made you happy that Zayn was willing to help you change and by far your favourite addition had been his surprise, he painted a wall near the kitchen in backboard paint, “now you can change how it looks everyday if you want to,” he told you with a smile and a gentle kiss. “It’s perfect!” you told him, reuniting your lips in a grateful kiss. 

A/N: Thanks for reading, hope you liked it

Feedback welcome!!

Prompts welcome!!!

Turn Up the Radio

Author: afreckledangel

Word Count: 1,336

Summary: I combined two requests for this (I hope that’s okay). The reader recently discovered they’re the Winchesters’ half-sibling, and feels as though they aren’t necessarily welcome in the family. They wake up one morning to find themselves alone in the bunker.

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