There were times I wish I could have had a more normal upbringing, in terms of being in one place and going to the same school the entire time. I’m very grateful for where I came from and the way things worked out. I already feel like I’ve come a long way. If this is what’s happened so far, if I keep on the line I’m going, then perhaps many other great things will happen. It’s just the beginning.
every single time i start getting close to someone i warn them about my mental problems and they all say ‘it’s fine don’t worry about it’ as if they know what i’m talking about and then they get too close and start realizing what they got themselves into and they want out.
it seems like it’s a fun game to get to know me and to get me to open up until you realize it’s not that 'fine’ and i knew what i was saying when i told you not to get close to me.
it’s the worst because I actually get my hopes up for something that always ends bad but im like ok what if this time is different? i wish i could just make my peace with the fact that it will always be the same tbh because other people aren’t the problem, i am.
concept: you’re laying down on my lap and you’re playing with my hair while the arctic monkeys play softly in the background. nothing hurts. everything is fine again. the idea of love drowns out the bad thoughts in your head.
but I just wanna date louis and memorize everything about him like his smell or the way he likes his eggs cooked or where he’s ticklish and how often he likes to shave and what kind if gift giver he is and what his favorite childhood memories are and what he wants to do once one direction is over and what kind of family he wants to raise and the kinds of books that he likes to read and his favorite movies and I want to learn how to make him happy and how he interacts with people when theyre not surrounded by everyone and his biggest insecurities and his favorite places in his hometown and how he makes that subtle shrug from friendship into more and if spends ages planning the perfect dates and everything about him and I just love him so much i give up
I hate having social phobias so much. I can’t even call family without nearly having a panic attack. Sometimes it seems like no one else has problems like these although I know there’s a lot of people with the same issues.
Sometimes i wish i was normal. I wish i could carry on a normal conversation. I wish i could have a normal night. But all i get is the weird, the broken, the confused feelings. All the nonsensicals. Sometimes i wish i was normal. But then i realize…i was made for more than normal.
I feel like no one will ever love me because I won’t have sex with them.
There is really no upside to dating me I’m pretty sure all someone would want from me is sex and it’s not like anyone would ever stay with me & not cheat…
I just realized that for a girl, I have a lot of muscle.
But I hate it. It’s not something that I like, but I don’t hate it either. It just makes me seem like more of a jock and one of the guys. Obviously I’m not butch or anything, I’m just really tall and really strong. Guys hate that; hence why I reside under the checked box marked “single.”