i wish i lived somewhere like this

MBTI and F. Scott Fitzgerald quotes

ISFP:
- There are all types of love in this world but never the same love twice
- Her philosophy is carpe diem for herself and laissez-faire for others

ESFP:
- Personality is an unbroken series of sucessful gestures
- It was only a sunny smile, and little it costs in the giving, but like morning light scattered the night and made the day worth living

ISTP:
- The world only exists in your eyes. You can make it as big or as small as you want
- So we’ll just let things take their course, and never be sorry

ESTP:
- I don’t want just words. If that’s all you have for me, you’d better go
- It was within and without, simultaneously enchanted and repelled by the inexhaustible variety of life

ISFJ:
- It’s not a slam at you when people are rude. It’s a slam at the people they’ve met before
- I don’t ask you to love me always like this, but I want you to remember. Somewhere inside of me there will always be the person I am tonight

ESFJ:
- I wish I have done everything on earth with you
- Things are sweeter when they’re lost, I know because I wanted something and got it. It was the only thing I ever wanted, and when I got it, it turned to dust in my hand

ISTJ:
- Our lives are defined by opportunities, even the ones we miss
- I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you find the strength to start all over again

ESTJ:
- There are only the pursued, pursuing, the busy and the tired
- The loniest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly

INFP:
- A woman should be able to kiss a man beautifully and romantically without any desire to be either his wife or his mistress
- And in the end, we were only humans… drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness

ENFP:
- For what it’s worth: it’s never too late to be whoever you want to be
- Life starts all over again when it gets crisp in the fall

INTP:
- Everybody’s youth is a dream, a form of chemical madness
- The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function

ENTP:
- It’s funny thing coming home. Nothing changes. Everything looks the same, even smells the same. You realize what’s changed is you
- Live the full life of mind, exhilarated by new ideas, intoxicated by the romance of unusual

INFJ:
- Life is essentially a cheat and its conditions are those of defeat: the redeeming things are not happiness and pleasure, but the deep satisfactions that come out of struggle
- I’m a romantic: a sentimental person thinks things will last, a romantic person hopes against hope that they won’t

ENFJ:
- You are the finest, loveliest, tanderest and most beautiful person I have ever known - and even that is an understandment
- There’s something between us; a sort of pull. Something you always do to me and I to you

INTJ:
- Living your life is a task so difficult, it has never been attempted before
- Why don’t you tell me that “if the girl had been worth having she’d have waited for you?” No, sir. The girl really worth having won’t wait for anybody

ENTJ:
- Genious is the ability to put into effect what is in your mind
- Nothing is beneath you if it is in the direction of your life

Happy National Book Day

advice for the signs
  • aries: you're full of ideas and they're always amazing! you are so much smarter than you give yourself credit for, even though you try to appear like you're a bit of a daredevil, you don't always like to come too far out of your cozy little comfort zone. but I promise, if you come out a bit more you can experience so many exciting things, and your abilities will make you shine like a star in the night sky.
  • taurus: not only are you are a badass, you're also super cool. if there are any haters its only because they want to be like you - really though. you just have an aura about you that pulls people in and once they get to know you, they don't ever want to get away. people want to overindulge in you, and if that wears you out then take a break and don't feel bad about it, your friends know you'll come back at the end of the day.
  • gemini: you're not a two-faced backstabbing bitch, you are a beautiful person who struggles with having to listen to an angel and a devil on your shoulders all day, which I can only imagine is super tough but you've done an incredible job to even come all this way and you should be so proud of yourself, I know I am. and lets take a moment to appreciate how you can walk into a room and suddenly be everyone's best friend with your natural charm and easy-going nature. you could take a bullet in the chest and your smile won't even falter. you're so determined to get what you want and you're so passionate and just everything you do is admirable. keep going, you rock this world.
  • cancer: if we're being real here, you don't actually cry *that* much. this is what it is - you have so many emotions swirling inside of you and they are like a beautiful storm of bright lights. and you should continue to let that out and share that beauty with everyone! but even with all that, you can be pretty hardcore and you are so strong, inside that whirlpool is a fire than burns bright, you should show people your intense passions as well as your caring side.
  • leo: you are amazing, and everyone around you knows it. if you're being too hard on yourself, lighten up a little because so far you've done everything right. everything happens for a reason, and if you feel guilty or sad about something just remember that your experiences have shaped who you are today - a beautiful, wonderful, magical creature with sparkling eyes, a loving soul and fabulous hair.
  • virgo: you work so hard to be on top of the game and I know how stressful that can be, but trust me when I'm saying that if you're doing the best you can, please don't push yourself any further. I'm sure you know what it feels like to get 3 hours sleep only to just scrape everything in on time, but you're doing just fine and please remember to reach out to your friends and loved ones and talk about how youre feeling. honestly, letting out any negativity makes you feel so, so much better, and you deserve the best.
  • libra: it's not that you're indecisive, you just like to weigh out all the pros and cons of a situation before you go into something - which is such a good idea, and I admire you for that. I bet you wish you had a crystal ball and could see the future to know how your decisions will turn out, huh? but the reality is that you should stop worrying about about the future and live in the moment. if you're not focusing on the present, you won't get to where you want to be in the future, and we definitely don't want to see you somewhere where your talents aren't being showcased.
  • scorpio: your personality is just so magnetic and you're so hypnotic, so many people absolutely adore you and would do anything for you - but sometimes they might not be 100% certain that the feelings are mutual. now, I know you love your friends and family so, so much with a fiercely strong love, but would it kill you to tell people that you love them and how you're feeling sometimes? everyone is here to help you and guide you on your journey to reaching the stars, but you can't build your rocket ship without the help of others.
  • sagittarius: you are incredible and so smart, it actually makes people stop in their tracks when you open your mouth and spout some beautiful, philosophical words of wisdom. or even just opening your mouth to say anything. everything about you is great but I'm not sure you appreciate yourself as much as you should. all the friends you have who love you should be an indication of how great you are. if you don't learn to love yourself, you might not be able to see through and out of your own little bubble and actually notice how much people care about you. because they care so, so much. don't you ever doubt that.
  • capricorn: your motto is work hard and don't take shortcuts, which is amazing and everyone admires you for that. it takes a lot of hard work and dedication to be you, and even if nobody mentions it, everyone is impressed. you're gonna go far, kid. but know that even if you're stuck in a rut right now you just need to jump a little higher and climb out. if you're stressed, talk to someone you trust and just open up and tell them what youre feeling. help them help you, and everything will be okay.
  • aquarius: we're not emotionless, we have a lot of feelings and we just choose not to express them because we're scared of people being overwhelmed by us, and we like to trust someone 100% before we open up. and there is nothing wrong with that. you're so good at listening to people's problems/how they feel and your advice is 10/10, but if you don't take time to talk to people about how you're feeling, you bottle everything up and one day it'll get so full that the lid will burst - and I know you're afraid of letting out all your feelings in one go, I definitely am. the only way around that is to let it out, bit by bit, slowly and over the years, to maintain your composure and sanity. and nobody will see you any different or judge you if you open up to them.
  • pisces: you're passionate, your creativity is out of this world, you're so good at helping people and you don't have a selfish bone in your body. you're always so up for helping people, and that is amazing! you're compassionate like no other, and your ideas are off-the-charts crazy cool. and you're not weak! you are perfectly capable of putting up your barriers, you just like to trust people enough to keep them down a lot of the time. and you're definitely not weak either, you've probably lived through some heartbreaking experiences, and you're still able to walk around with your head up and your heart open. now thats real strength.
not your trophy - boyfriend!tom

Summary: You and Tom argue about your career.

“I hate my freaking job,” (Y/N) groaned as she barreled through the door of her apartment, slamming her bag onto the kitchen counter.

Tom pushed up from where he was sat at the table, giving her a quick kiss before asking, “Rough day?”

“The men I work with always think they’re so much smarter than me because I’m young and because I have a goddamn vagina,” she ranted, forcefully pulling off her blazer and kicking her heels across the room. “Like, why is that so intimidating to you that you have to interrupt me all the time and act like I don’t matter? I submitted a huge proposal yesterday and today I found out we won the job, and I barely heard a word of congratulations. Last week Mike won us a job half as big and got a fucking cake.”

“Congratulations on the proposal–”

“And the other thing is it’s SO boring! Who knew you could be this stressed and this bored with your work at the same time?”

“Yeah, that sounds–”

“I fucking hate–”

“I hear you.” (Y/N) stopped abruptly, surprised by the force in Tom’s voice. “I’ve heard you over and over again for the past several weeks about it, babe.”

“Okaaay, jeez, sorry. Thought it was okay to tell you about the things I’m dealing with, but if it annoys you…”

Tom exasperatedly sighed at the clear irritation in your tone. “It’s not that I don’t want you to tell me these things it’s just….you’re not doing anything about it! If it’s this terrible, do something about it, for crying out loud.”

“Oh, okay, and what do you suggest I do, exactly?”

“Get a new one.”

“Tom, this job gives me six weeks of vacation every year. SIX! That’s three times what anyone gets two years out of school. It’s the only reason I took it! If I get a new job, it’s two, if I’m lucky. So one for Christmas, where we’re either with my family or yours, and one for what? Visiting you somewhere while you’re working the whole time?”

“Then just quit! It would make both our lives easier!”

“What do you mean, ‘just quit’? I worked my ass off for my degree! I’m not just gonna sit around all day while you’re off living your superstar life!”

“How do you think I feel when I’m home and you still have to work all day?”

“I think you feel like you wish you had some trophy wife to come back to when–”

“That’s NOT what I’m saying.”

“Tom, working for myself means a lot to me. And when we have kids I’m for sure going to have to quit my job because you’ll still be traveling so much, so for now, no. I’m not gonna just throw my work away and mooch off you.”

“It’s not mooching if I’m giving it to you! And it’s not like you pay for much now anyway - I mean, you pay half the rent on this apartment just because you’re stubborn, but it’s not like it’s a huge contribution to our lifestyle.”

(Y/N)’s jaw dropped. “Wow. Thanks, Tom, thanks a lot.”

Backtracking, Tom started, “I just mean–”

“Yeah, whatever.” (Y/N) picked up her shoes from where she’d kicked them off. “I’ll be in the bath, not contributing.”

“(Y/N)…”

“I don’t want to talk to you right now.”

———————————————————————–

An hour later, Tom cracked the bathroom door open. He watched (Y/N) lift her head from her book held just above the bathwater. Her hair was tied in a messy knot on the top of her head, and her feet were extended out on the edge of the top. The candles on the windowsill and the Norah Jones playing from her phone would’ve been romantic, had they not just had such a fight.

“Can I come in? I have a peace offering.” At (Y/N)’s quirked eyebrow, he opened the door a bit more and stepped in with a whole box of pizza. “I realized you never ate.”

(Y/N) pulled her feet back in the tub and set her book on the windowsill. Tom set the pizza on the floor, pulled out a slice, handed it to (Y/N), and sat on the edge of the tub with his own slice in hand. They ate without talking.

When they were finished, they sat for a minute, (Y/N) staring into the soapy water, Tom still perched on the tub’s edge facing away from her. He felt her gaze and turned to his side, meeting her eyes. She looked tired, and on queue laid her head on her arms just next to where he was sitting, still looking up at him.

“Thanks for the pizza,” she murmured.

Tom exhaled loudly and ran a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry. I’m an ass.”

The corner of (Y/N)’s mouth twitched up. “You’re not an ass. It was an asshole thing to say, though.”

“It was. I know what you do is important to you. You are the smartest, most determined woman I know and I love how passionate you are about the things that matter to you.” Tom slid off the edge of the tub, sitting on the outside so that his face was level with hers. “I just miss being with you,” he said, resting his chin just a few inches from hers, “all the time.”

“I know that,” she said, reaching out to drag her fingers lightly around the outer curve of his ear before tugging on the soft curls at the base of his neck. “I was kind of being an asshole too. I shouldn’t spend our time together complaining incessantly. And I definitely don’t want to fight with you.”

Tom drew circles on (Y/N)’s extended arm with his fingers. “I just don’t want you to be miserable. Especially when it’s within my means to make it better for you.”

(Y/N) sighed. “Maybe I’ll freelance. Or take a sabbatical?” Tom chuckled. “But you’re right. I need to figure something out.”

“You can do anything.” Tom kissed the inside of her wrist, her hand still in his hair. “I believe in you.”

(Y/N) smiled, scooted forward, and pressed her lips to his. “I love you.”

Suddenly reenergized, Tom stood up, pulling his shirt over his head. He pulled down his pants and boxers, and (Y/N) laughed as he sunk into the tub across from her.

“So…,” smirked Tom after a minute, thinking about something she had said during their fight. “You’ve been thinking about having children with me, have you?”

(Y/N) rolled her eyes and splashed him, the sound of him fondly laughing echoing in the bathroom.

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////

loooooved writing this shoutout to the anon who requested some regretful post-fight tom! 

xoxo

The Stilinskis’

Originally posted by teenwolf--imagines

Stilinski!Reader x Stiles Stilinski



The first time Lydia Martin turned on your doorstep you stared at her like she’d grown a second head. Of all the people to come looking for you brother she was the last that came to mind. Hell Derek Hale had climbed into your room, mistaking it for Stiles’ room. The most awkward high school reunion ever.

“Hi (Y/N).” Lydia called as she let herself in. “I have dinner.” She smiled and tossed you the carrier bag of food which you caught and unloaded into the fridge.

“He started another list it’s upstairs and he’s started a document but I’m not sure what he’s researching.” You called as she jogged straight up to his room.

You closed the fridge and jumped, tossing a bottle of milk at Derek who looked at the bottle he’d caught. “What have I told you about sneaking into the house!”

Keep reading

Keep the internet as is. Fight for net neutrality. For the sake of people who work online. For thoes who use Skype, Facebook, or tumblr to keep in touch with their SO, Family, or friends who live far far away. For people who are looking for work, or planning on moving somewhere. For thoes who use the internet as a way of coping or escaping the life they have. For thoes who study online, be it a big university class or something simple like learning how to do something new. For thoes who just wish to connect. Don’t sit by and let this be taken from us. Please. (I would add all the numbers to call and people to email but I am on my phone.)

And less importantly. Don’t let pro-life Zootopia be the last meme.

SO! 14K HUH?

dayum dawg, das a lotta hoomans watching my nonsense blog.

but anyways yeah!, thank you so much for the follow y’all :D 14k! didn’t think there’re gonna be so much peeps supporting me and my art! like, its buhzonkers <<is that even a word? it is now.

ANYWHO-

y’all are probably wondering, “who the fuck is that guys next to ye?” “and why is he calling u a fish?” well, he’s a school friend of mine! or should i say my bro/home boi. recently, he told me that he is going to a college that is waaaaayy beyond where i lived. that being said he’s going to rent somewhere there, and i can’t really do much about it, other than cry because i’m both happy n sad. i am very grateful to have a such supporting and accepting friend like him, the best 3 years of broship, and i wish the best of luck for him. :)

P.S. his name is chips. we’re both called “Fish n Chips” in our school…. dunno why-

I know we’re not in each other’s lives anymore but sometimes I wish we could just spend a day together and have everything be like it was.
Is such a thing possible? To spend a single day in each other’s company again, laughing and kissing and talking about everything and nothing.
Would it really be so terrible to meet somewhere and have lunch together and pretend it’s the past… that we’re back in time and you’re still the one person I can rely on when the whole world is against me?
If I asked you, could you do it… pretend that you still care for all times sake? It’s foolish I know, which is why I’ll never ask, but the truth is life’s not been easy since you left and I’d do just about anything right now to be able to pretend just for one day that I’m happy again; That everything’s okay - that everything will be okay - because that’s how you always made me feel even on the worst days imaginable.
But that was the past and I know I live in the here and now and I need to face reality – but the reality is that the day you walked out of my life I lost the greatest thing I ever had… and it’s been nothing but losses ever since.

PARTS: 1 // 2 // 3 // 4 // 5 // 6 // 7 // 8 // epilogue
Pairing: Jimin x reader
Words: 7,760
Genre: smut, angst, supernatural au.
click here for warnings by part (potential spoilers).

When playing the lying game, there are but two rules. The first is to be convincing. Live the lie, breathe the lie, believe it so wholeheartedly it becomes your new truth. The second is to always remember there are other players in the game, some of whom have been playing it far longer than you.

Time always seemed to go slowly for you. It has always consisted of a lot of waiting, searching, and more waiting. Waiting for leads, waiting for information, waiting for days to turn into weeks, into months, into years. Every day began to seem the same, and the most exciting moments have been those when you’re risking your life. Kind of fucked up, but true.

Recently, though, this has changed. Jimin has changed everything. Somehow, time has passed in a blur of meet ups, of laughter, of actually leaving the safety of the church and experiencing the things the world has to offer. Jimin makes you see the beauty in the mundane and take a look at things you’ve experienced hundreds of times through a different set of eyes. Suddenly, just walking in silence takes on a whole new meaning with him beside you, or even popping by a fast food joint becomes a billion times more interesting as you watch him dunk his french fries into a milkshake (a strange combination that he has tried to make you enjoy, but failed).

Time both seems to go too slow when you’re apart and too fast when you’re together. One instance, you were both talking until the early hours of the morning at his place, only realizing the time at 4AM. You stayed the night, sleeping in his guest room, just a few steps away from his bedroom. You didn’t get any sleep, of course, despite how incredibly comfortable the bed was. He offered to drive you “home” (a fake address to an apartment just across town from him), but you insisted on walking. Your mind buzzed the entire way home, trying to understand what this new friendship meant and how it would affect your mission to avenge your parents. You’ve been distracted, but you’re enjoying it. Possibly more than you should. You’ve been making stupid, half thought through decisions, and there’s no room for those kinds of mistakes in a life like yours.

Mistake number one manifested as a mobile phone. A cheap one from the grocery store, but a phone nonetheless. You’ve never had one and you wouldn’t have the first clue how to use it, but you bought it on a whim. The realization of what you’d done hit you when you were driving back to the church and were struck with distraught feelings you’ve never felt before. How could you be so reckless? Just for a boy? The two of you have gotten along just fine without calling or texting, there’s no need to change anything now. Jimin understood your ‘explanation’ for not owning a phone. You’d justified it with a “It just makes me feel too connected. People used to get by just fine without them. There are so many beautiful things to experience in the world, I don’t want to miss any of it because of some dumb little screen.” Sure, the excuse sounds a bit lame, but there must be people out there who think that way and genuinely do wish to escape the crazy technological world.

Nothing bad happened as a result of your rash decision, but you did drive all the way back to town and leave the phone, along with twenty dollars, beside a sleeping figure in the park.

Hoseok returns from his trip after four weeks, bearing new supplies, weapons, but no information. You want to tell him about Jimin right away, but you’re not sure what his reaction will be. And a part of you wants to keep this as something that’s just yours, just for a little longer. You’re okay with sharing everything with Hoseok, but you know that the moment you do, this thing with Jimin becomes reality. It’ll become something you have to discuss and understand in terms of The Bigger Picture, and you’re not quite ready for that yet.

You’re sure that Hoseok suspects something. Of course he does. There’s no other reason for you to be away so long and then not share what happened or what you did. Hoseok isn’t stupid. But you appreciate that he’s giving you time to come to terms with everything before telling him. You do know, however, that you can’t wait forever. Eventually Hoseok will confront you about what’s going on, and you’ll have to tell him, but for now any confessions are on your terms. You promise yourself that you’ll tell him within the next month. You just need a little longer to pretend that Jimin and your world are completely disconnected, to just enjoy being with him without worrying about the what ifs. Whenever your thoughts stray towards those what ifs, you can’t stop thinking about them. There is no way you can continue to see Jimin and lead your own secret life. You either have to find a way to reconcile the two, or decide which to give up.

Jimin asks about your family one day while the two of you are playing Monopoly (a game you’ve learned to kick his ass in, and he’s complained that he “never should have taught you how to play this dumb game”) and you tell him the truth. Or at least as much of the truth as you can.

“My mom and dad were absolutely amazing. I always felt so loved and special because of them, as any kid should. They were the best parents in the world.” You shake the dice in your hands and let them clatter on the board, knocking over one of your houses in the process. “Then again, everyone thinks their parents are the best. But, god, were they in love. Something in the air just changed whenever they looked at eachother. I always hoped that I would someday be able to experience love like that.”

“Are they…?”

"Dead? Yeah. They passed away when I was small,” you say as you move your piece up five steps, right onto one of his squares with a hotel on it. “Damn it.” Handing him an obscene amount of money notes, you continue. “I was taken in by someone who had known the family for years and I couldn’t be more grateful to him for everything he’s done for me.” Technically Hoseok had known about your family, just not in a positive way. But Jimin doesn’t need to know that.

“There still are some good people left in the world… I’m so sorry about your parents, Sooyoung.”

You shake your head and avoid his eyes, feeling ashamed for the way you still have to conceal the truth from him. Every time he calls you Sooyoung you try to ignore the guilt that gnaws at your heart for continuing to lie to him. “It’s okay, I had to accept the way things were a long time ago. You learn to live and let go.” Another lie. You try to shift the subject away from you and your lying ass. “What about you? What’s your family like?”

This time he glances down, throwing the dice, a bit harder than he usually does so one rolls underneath your leg. You lift it to reveal a three then move it to the centre of the board.

“Complicated is the best way to put it, I guess. Dad's… Dad. Sorry, that doesn’t make sense. When I used to live with him he’d be so busy that he’d rarely be home, and when he was he never really seemed to be there. But it’s fine. Like you, I accepted the way things were a long time ago and moved the hell out as soon as I could. I think I turned out just fine, despite everything.”

“Yeah, you’re not too bad,” you say, which earns you a smile. “How are things with your mom?”

You wish you could take the question back the moment you see his face fall. He tries to cover it, acting like the question doesn’t hit him somewhere in his heart where it aches like a splinter lodged too deep to pull out, but you notice anyway. You learned to read people’s expressions, no matter how subtle, a long time ago. 

“She’s not around anymore. I see her every now and then, but she doesn’t live with us.”

“I’m sorry, Jimin.”

He forces a smile, which only breaks your heart even more. “Life happens, right?” He holds up a card in his hand, indicating the discussion is over. “'Make general repairs on all your property. For each house pay $25, for each hotel pay $100.’ Fuck this game.”

When you finally go home, you decide it’s time to tell Hoseok. For the first time in a while you’re actually nervous to divulge something to him. He can tell. The moment you step foot into the bunker, he takes a look at you and sits down on the couch, eyeing you carefully. He doesn’t speak, waiting for you to go first. You don’t sit down, instead you pace around the room, chewing your lip. He was clearly working on something since there are books strewn across the room, papers piled on the table.

You’re afraid to voice your thoughts because once you start, you might not stop. All the way home, you kept thinking about what it might be like to live a life where playing Monopoly with Jimin could be some weekly ritual, where you could take him to meet Hoseok without having to lie about where you live and just about every other aspect of your life. You kept thinking about what it might feel like to be normal and to not have any what ifs. To be able to see Jimin and not worry about maybe having to say goodbye to him forever out of fear that he might get killed or you might neglect him because of your mission. You wondered what it would be like to live a life where you could truly open your heart to someone without constantly waiting for it to be shattered. 

Finally, you just blurt it out.

“I met someone.”

Hoseok nods, but again doesn’t speak.

“We met in the woods, while you were away. He was lost, and I know that the right thing to do would have been to bail, but I just couldn’t.” You struggle to find the words to explain to him why you didn’t turn around and follow your instincts. You’ve been trained for this. There have been one too many times when you’ve had to turn around and leave someone behind, regardless of how much you wanted to stay and help. You’ve overridden that urge that makes people human. There was even an instance when you had to leave Hoseok behind. It ripped you apart, abandoning him when he was hurt. But he made you leave, and thankfully survived. If you could somehow leave Hoseok behind, you should be able to leave anyone else. And yet, with Jimin you couldn’t. If you could have re-done that whole situation again, you’re sure that you would still do the same thing. You would stay.

“I’m tired, Hobi,” you finally admit. “I’m tired of hiding away and not experiencing the things people my age have probably experienced a billion times already. I love you and I love spending time with you, but, I just wanted to know what it might feel like to have someone in my life who isn’t family and who I don’t live with.”

Hoseok is smiling, which confuses the hell out of you. This is not how you expected him to react. “What? What did I say?”

He shakes his head and pats the space beside him, prompting you to sit down. This time you do. “You look like you’re waiting for me to get angry,” he says. “I’m not, not even a little bit. You were bound to want more than the life you have at some point. I’m happy you met someone.”

 You struggle for words in your stupour. This is not the way you imagined things going. “You’re happy? Aren’t you worried?”

“I know you, Y/N. You have good instincts, so I trust you. I’ve been hoping this day would come for a while now. You deserve more of a life than this church can offer you. Get out there and make some mistakes. That’s life.”

 You raise your eyebrows. “Make some mistakes?”

He laughs. “I don’t mean blow our cover. I mean mistakes that any other average human being would make. People learn best from the dumb things they do. All I ask is that you be careful, alright?”

“Yeah, of course, I haven’t told him about any of this,” you gesture around the bunker, “Or about–”

“Not just that,” he interrupts, gently. “Be careful with your heart. No matter what, you need to put yourself first. If anything ever feels wrong, trust your gut. You’re smart, you’ll know what’s right or wrong. Don’t allow yourself to be pressured into anything you’re uncomfortable with, and don’t let yourself be treated in any way you don’t deserve.”

“Okay, I promise to be careful. But just so you know, Jimin isn’t like that. I can tell. He wouldn’t do anything to hurt me.”

Hoseok rests a hand on your arm gently. “At the end of the day, each and every one of us is capable of anything. All of us have secrets, and all of us have flaws. Just keep that in mind. But, you know, don’t forget to have fun. Be careful, but allow yourself to let go. You’ve more than earned it.”

You put your hand over his and give it a squeeze. “Thanks, Hobi.”

The conversation gives you a new sense of strength, and just for a second, you allow yourself to believe that maybe everything will work out.

Three days after your talk with Hoseok, you wait outside the building of your fake address, anxious to see Jimin. The conversation with Hoseok has made you even more excited to see him. The two of you had worked out a solution to you not owning a phone, so that if a meet up didn’t work out, you would see eachother the next day in the same place at the same time. Neither of you have ever had to flake on set plans, but it’s nice to have a backup nonetheless.

Jimin is late. He’s never late, which means that you always have to come much earlier so he doesn’t suspect that you don’t actually live here. The apartment you chose has a key code, which means that there’s no way he can actually come inside unless you let him in. Which also means that he’s less likely to find out that you don’t live here. To find out the code to let you in, you tagged behind someone who lives in the apartment and dug around in your bag as though searching for your keys, all the while watching them enter in the code before slipping inside. They were even kind enough to hold the door open for you to let you in. Some people are just too helpful for their own good. 

You scan the area, trying to spot Jimin’s familiar face, but he’s nowhere in sight. Ten minutes pass, fifteen, twenty, then thirty. You bob up and down on your feet, getting more and more restless by the second.

Eventually you have to accept that he’s not coming. You ignore the dejected feeling in your chest and remind yourself that sometimes life happens. You’ll see him tomorrow and everything will be fine.

You drive home and suppress the urge to drive back and keep waiting. Maybe he’ll come. Maybe he got held up, but planned on coming anyway, just in case you were still there. You don’t turn back. You have your own stuff to do anyway. You have to respect yourself enough to remember that before him, you did have a life. Maybe it wasn’t much of a life, but you still had one. You can’t just throw all of that away just for one person. You can’t constantly be waiting around and putting everything else on pause. That’s not healthy.

So you drive home and greet Hoseok, who you hadn’t seen in the morning before leaving since he was out tending the garden (you assume that’s where he was). He looks a bit surprised to see you back early, but doesn’t question it. The two of you are going to have to adjust to the idea of you seeing people. After so many years of it being just the two of you, this is totally new. Or at least to you it is. Sometimes you have to remind yourself that Hoseok has been around for much longer than you. Before this, he probably had friends and hobbies. He probably didn’t spend all of his time watching his back and watching yours for good measure. Every time you remember this, your heart swells both with sadness for the past life he gave up for you, but also swells with immense gratitude that you will never be able to properly express to him. You hope that after this he is able to live life the way he deserves. To surround himself with people who bring as much light to the world as he does, rather than have to extinguish that flame in the underground bunker day in and day out purely to keep you safe. The older you get – the more time that passes without enough progress – the more guilty you feel for holding him back. But you have to remind yourself that you’re not forcing him to stay, that he’s an adult capable of making his own decisions, and sticking around to help you kick butt was the one he made. You wouldn’t hold it against him for a second if he decided he wanted more than what this life has to offer.

“You busy?” You ask.

 He closes the book on selkies he was reading. “Nope, what’s up?”

“Is it okay if we train for a bit? I’m feeling a bit rusty.”

“Yeah, of course. Inside or outside?”

“Outside.”

You both change into more comfortable clothing, grab a blindfold (which is really just a strip of black cloth from one of your old shirts) and head out of the bunker. You need to release some energy and get some training in since you’ve been missing out on it recently because of how much time you spend with Jimin.

There’s a slight chill in the air and you hug your arms around yourself to conserve heat, but you know that after a while of sparring you’ll be warm enough to forget about the cold.

You make way into the forest, to a spot just far enough from the road that if anyone is passing by they won’t hear anything and come looking. When you practice shooting, you go even further. The risk is small, but it’s easier to talk precautions than to try to explain what you’re doing to a complete stranger.

“You wanna do it blindfolded?” He gestures to the cloth in your hand. Every now and then you remain blindfolded while sparring Hoseok, in order to try to hear him before he comes at you. Sometimes it goes okay, but usually you end up on your ass and with ten new bruises on your body. But you keep doing it, because no matter how good you get, you will always be at a disadvantage if you’re up against a supernatural being. There’s only so much your human body can do, so you need to be able to predict your opponent’s moves before they’ve even finished thinking them through. You need to be one step ahead in a dance where you’re always three steps behind. The blindfold isn’t completely opaque, but it’s dark enough that it feels like it’s night time, and all figures are nothing more than silhouettes.

“Yeah, I’m a bit out of practice. Could you use your abilities today? Please?”

 He deliberates, silence hanging between you, before he finally concedes. “Alright. Tell me to stop the second it gets too much.” You nod and tie the blindfold around your eyes, plunging the world into darkness. You steel yourself for what’s to come, your nerves already in overdrive from anticipation. You would trust Hoseok with your life, but that doesn’t make experiencing his abilities any more pleasant.

“Do your worst,” you say, lifting your balled fists and shifting your feet so you’re ready to spring at him at any second. You listen carefully for footsteps padding over grass, the snap of a twig, a breath against your ear. It’s not enough to hear, it’s important to pinpoint where the noise is coming from and act.

There’s a light crunch behind you and you whip around, swinging but making no contact. Another sounds just nearby you, but again nothing. Sometimes Hoseok fools you and makes you think he’s somewhere where he isn’t, which is infuriating, but keeps you on your toes. The bad guys aren’t going to stop when you tell them to stop.

Something in your gut tells you he’s to your left, like that burning feeling you get when you know somebody is watching you, so you target a blow in that direction and strike Hoseok. Your body buzzes with adrenaline and you feel proud of yourself for being right about your hunch, but this is no time to get distracted, so you let your body react, punching and blocking while shuffling back and forth across the forest floor. He may have the advantage of sight, but you’re the better fighter so you’re faster, albeit slightly clumsy. Just when you think you might overpower him, he invades your mind and tears down your defenses. You fight him, remembering all the lessons from before, just barely managing to throw up walls before he crashes through them.

And then it stops.

A thud and a groan follow, and you promptly tear the blindfold off, squinting as your eyes adjust back to the light. Then you see red. Red everywhere. Your hands are covered in blood, Hoseok lying at your feet, his face deformed and wounded, hand pressed tightly against the spreading scarlet on his shirt.

“What the hell did you do to me?” he chokes out.

You completely forget about the training. “Hoseok, what–”

“You did this to me.” His face contorts in pain and you drop to your knees to pull his hand away, to assess the damage so you can help him, but he swats you away. "You did this.” he keeps saying.

“Hobi, no,” you say, heart pounding in your chest. “Please let me help you. You’re bleeding.”

He laughs, humourlessly. “So are they.”

You don’t want to turn around, but you do, and you suck in a sharp breath at the sight before you. Your mother and father lie lifeless on the cold ground, clothing drenched in their own blood. Almost the entirety of your father’s skin has been badly burned, but you’d recognize him anywhere. A sob lodges itself in your throat, but you can’t lose it or else you’ll never gather yourself again.

“Wh-what happened?” You crawl over to them and shake them desperately. Maybe this time they won’t leave you. Maybe this time you’ll have a chance to actually save them. Something twinges in the back of your mind that this isn’t right, something is off here, and you’re just about to grasp reality again when you hear another groan further away, and your body goes ice cold.

Jimin is drawing in painful, heavy breaths, but he’s still standing. Blood blooms across his green sweater and he looks at you with so much hatred it makes your insides curl. “You did this. You killed us all.”

You stumble over to him but he steps back, holding up a hand to prevent you from coming any closer. “Don’t come near me. You’re a liar. This entire time. A cold-blooded killer. I wish I’d never met you. None of this would be happening if not for you.” He takes another step back and falls over, wincing at the way his body hits the ground. You ignore his protests and crouch beside him, trying to push his sweater aside to prevent the bleeding, but he fights against you, repeating over and over that this is because of you, just like Hoseok had.

“You know,” Jimin begins, his voice strained, “It’s a shame the Alpha didn’t get you too. Would’ve spared us all. He should have gotten your parents and you.”

The words cut deep in a place you never knew you could ache before. Your entire body begins to tremble, but you’re not sure from what. Fear, maybe. Anger. If he were anyone else, they would be dead within a heartbeat for saying something like that, but instead you pull off your top and press it against the wound. Blood quickly stains the cloth and you know there’s not much longer left for him. You scream for help, praying that for once there might be somebody nearby with a phone to call an ambulance. You scream and scream while Jimin laughs, his face growing paler by the second.

“You couldn’t save your parents, what makes you think you could save me?”

“I won’t let you die. I won’t let anyone else die because of me,” you say, your body trembling even more now.

And then he’s gone. They’re all gone and you’re on your knees, hands completely clean, hovering in the air where they were touching Jimin just seconds ago. Reality always takes time to come back to you, but this time you lost yourself more than you usually do, and so the divide between truth and illusion doesn’t come back as fast as it should. Jimin was right here, dying in front of you, and he wanted nothing to do with you. None of them did.

“Y/N,” Hoseok rushes to your side and you startle, staring at him. He’s unwounded, safe. Alive. “Y/N, I’m here. I got you.”

It takes you a second to realize that everything was part of the hallucination, that nothing that just transpired was real. The relief hits you like a freight train, but another feeling gnaws at your stomach because you can’t help but wonder if maybe there was some truth to your nightmare.

“Why did you stop?”

Hoseok is looking at you with so much concern and you don’t understand why. Eventually you would have figured out what was going on and the practice could have continued. Your body hadn’t reached its maximum limit, not even by a little bit. But Hoseok doesn’t answer, instead pulls you to him and holds you so gently like you might shatter from the slightest amount of pressure. It’s only then that you realize you’re crying. He keeps you safely enclosed in his arms, only letting go when your body cools down and starts shivering from the cold.

“Come on,” he says, lifting you up slowly and guiding you back to the church. He keeps a hand against your back the entire way, and you’re sure that if it weren’t there, you would probably fall apart.

 Once indoors, you get in the shower and turn the heat up high so its almost scalding. You scrub at yourself vigorously, trying to erase the memory clinging to your skin of what had happened. Or didn’t happen. Your skin is rubbed red and raw when you emerge, but it still doesn’t feel like enough. There might not be any blood on your hands, but you can still feel it, coating your skin like the remorse festering in your heart.

Hoseok holds out a cup of chamomile tea once you get out and you accept it gratefully.

“How are you feeling?” He asks.

You shrug, sitting down on the floor, back against the wall.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N.” Hoseok drops his gaze in shame. “I should have said no-”

“Hobi, stop,” you intercede. “I asked. It’s okay. We both knew it wouldn’t end well. I don’t know what happened out there, usually I’m in more control than that. It’s not your fault, it’s mine. I’m sorry if you felt pressured into something you didn’t want to do, though. I know you don’t like using your abilities, I’m sorry you had to do that." 

"I’ll dial it back next time.” You know even that was tame for what he can do, but you don’t say anything. “Do you want to talk about what you saw?”

You set the tea down on the floor and take a deep breath, closing your eyes. The last thing you want to do is think about what you saw, but talking it out does help sometimes. Sometimes you just need to be alone to grieve. Usually you try talking it out, something Hoseok has encouraged you many times to do so whatever is bothering you doesn’t keep chipping away at you so there’s more to work through than there needs to be.

 "The usual. But it was different this time. Jimin was there too.“ Your cheeks heat up admitting this and you’re not quite ready to ponder over the depth of what it means that he was there too. "There was blood, everywhere. I think-I think I did it. I don’t know. You all kept saying I did. That it was my fault.” Emotion swells in your throat again and you clear it forcefully, unwilling to cry yet again. Crying is good, but you don’t like the gross, puffy feeling that comes afterward that lingers for hours on end. “Maybe you were right, to an extent. Or at least, Jimin was right. He called me a liar. He called me lots of things, actually. And deny it as much as I want, I am lying to him, every single day. What if one of these days he finds out? Or what if one of my lies catches up to me and hurts him? What then?”

Hoseok sits down in front of you and takes your hands. Somehow, Hoseok still has a response to put you at ease, just like always. “You can never predict who is going to get hurt in this world, so you just… Have to trust yourself. Let yourself live a little. Sometimes… Sometimes people are worth the risk. Even if he finds out some day, who’s to say he won’t understand?” He reaches out and lifts your chin so you look at him. His warm smile makes some of the worry you feel subside, and this time you feel yourself getting emotional for another reason.

“People will surprise you. If he cares enough about you, he’ll be willing to look deeper, past the things you’ve done. If he can’t do that, then he’ll be losing someone absolutely incredible, and that’s the greater misfortune in this case,” he says.

“I’m so scared,” you whisper, averting your gaze to your lap. “Sometimes I wonder if this is all worth it. I’m always so scared that one day I’m going to lose you or Jimin, just because of this mission. My parents aren’t coming back. They’re dead and staying dead, even if we succeed. But when I think about giving up it just… They deserve vengeance. I can’t let them go like that. Not when we’ve both risked so much and tried so hard.”

Hoseok rubs his thumb in circles over the back of your palm, a gesture that somehow helps ground you. “I’m not going anywhere, and there’s no need to ever worry about me, alright? If anything ever happened, I would be fine. If you want to continue fighting, we’ll fight. If you want to let this mission go, we’ll let it go. And in terms of Jimin, you’re doing what you can to protect him. If you think it’s right to let him go, then do what you have to do. But don’t let him go because you’re afraid. Only do what you think is the smart move. If… If you feel the need to tell him about everything that we’re doing and what we are, then I won’t hold it against you.”

 This really surprises you. “You’d be okay with that?”

“If you thought that was a necessary choice to make, then yes. Of course.”

“You know you’re the best, right?”

He shrugs nonchalantly. “I try. Now, come on, let’s turn that frown upside down. Get in your PJs and we’ll watch whatever movie you want. I’ll make popcorn.”

You end up watching a depressing romance movie, which has you sobbing by the end, and you’re sure you catch Hoseok trying to discreetly wipe away a tear at some point. It feels good to have a release like that, even though you’re just crying over a movie. 

Neither of you has the energy to move off the couch after the movie, so you lie your head down on Hoseok’s lap, and the two of you talk for a while until your responses become slower and eventually you’re both in dreamland. You doze restlessly (as one does when they’re sleeping on somebody else) and after a couple hours force yourself to get up and get in bed. Hoseok opens his eyes, looking at you groggily before passing out once more.

You don’t dream, thankfully, because you’re sure if you had they would probably be nightmares. When you wake up, the guilt hits you again like a shit ton of bricks. You pull your pillow over your head, pressing it tightly against you, hoping that maybe you could squeeze it out of your body, even though the thought is completely ridiculous. You try to go back to sleep so that maybe you won’t have to think about it, but once you’re up, you’re up. So you haul yourself out of bed and eat breakfast, talk to Hoseok, and do everything you normally would do. You refuse to just hole up and let your feelings rot and stink up your head. You have to keep yourself busy.

Hoseok suggests going for a walk, and you almost can’t get your shoes on fast enough. You know you’re supposed to meet with Jimin today since he wasn’t able to make it the day before and any other day you would be out the door, leaving a trail of fire behind you from excitement. But today is different. You knew since yesterday that you wouldn’t be going. Which makes you feel worse, but you need time to yourself. Reality is beginning to catch up to you and run as you might it’s going to gain on you eventually and force you to make a choice. Do you accept the risks of keeping Jimin in your life, or do you walk away now before either of you gets too attached? The thought of having to cut him off hurts. He’s the first friend you’ve ever had and you honestly feel like the luckiest person in the world to have the privilege of knowing him. 

A part of you hopes that whatever kept Jimin busy yesterday keeps him busy today too so he doesn’t end up waiting for you, only for you not to show up. Hoseok falls into step beside you. The autumn air has a bite to it, but you’re glad because it keeps you alert and ready for anything. It also calms your mind and you can stop thinking, just for a little bit. Neither of you really has a destination in mind, which is fine. You probably won’t end up going very far since you’re on foot and you don’t want to completely abandon everything. You just need a temporary escape to get your head on straight. Eventually you have to face the music and tackle reality, but for now you focus on the chill in the air, the damp grass under your feet, and Hoseok’s familiar stride beside you.

“Has this place changed much since the first time we came here?” You suddenly ask him.

Hoseok looks around and you wonder what he sees. You can’t remember much of the journey to the church since you were so young. The days had blended together in a haze of grief and foreign sights – places that extended far past the boundary around your home that your parents laid out for you. You wonder what the experience had been like for him and whether it’s tainted by the same things, or if he saw it as the beginning of something new and exciting.

Sometimes you think that you adopted the same precautions your parents did; after all, you established boundaries for yourself. Boundaries around the church and boundaries around your heart that nobody could slip through. Well, until Jimin.

“Everything changes,” Hoseok says. “That’s just a part of life. But the forest has always felt the same. Every now and then I’m reminded of when I found you. Especially around this time of year. ” He looks at you. “We’ve changed. For the better, mostly. I’m proud of you, you know. Even after everything you’ve been through, you became the strongest, bravest, kindest person I know.”

“Thanks, Hobi,” you say, nudging him a little. “Would you ever re-do it all? You had a life before this and then all of a sudden you had this kid to take care of. Do you ever regret it?”

He shakes his head. “Never. If I had to re-do my decision, I would choose the same path again. I will never regret you.”

While you’re on the subject, you ask a question that you almost steer clear of. There’s almost an unspoken rule that the subject is to never be brought up. The moment feels right, so you take the risk, even though you know chances are he’ll avoid answering and switch to another subject. “Do you ever think about your family?”  

“You are my family.”

“Hoseok.”

He hesitates and for a second you think he’s going to end the conversation there. It’s rare for Hoseok to open up fully about his family, so when he does, you treasure the moments deeply. He’s open about pretty much everything in life, apart from what happened in his past. All you know is that his family is dead, but he never gets into the details. There’s so much you don’t know about him, about the Dark Court he fled and why he fled. Whenever you try to broach the topic with him, he shuts it down in two seconds flat. So you proceed with caution. You want to know more about him, to understand him better, but you know that if you say the wrong thing, the moment will be over. He won’t open up like this again for a long time.

“No, I try not to.”

“Do you miss them?”

“No.”

 "No?“

 "After the things they did… I don’t know how I could.”

You chew on your lip, facing forward, not daring to look at him. If you do, he might get uncomfortable and stop talking. You’re not only glad that he’s opening up to you, but you’re also glad that he’s finally, maybe, going to talk about it. It’s not hard to tell that he has tried to bury dark secrets, and you know how that can feel. You know how secrets can eat you alive if you don’t talk about them.

 "What happened?“ You prompt him carefully.

You glance over at him, briefly to check his expression, and see something in his eyes shift, the way people get when they’re transported to another time, not quite seeing what’s in front of them.

"I fell in love with a boy from the Summer Court. We kept our relationship a secret, because we knew that if anybody found out, all hell would break loose. The Dark Court only has enemies, never allies. They are always ready for war. The fuse is ready, somebody just needs to give them an excuse to light it. But the Summer Court will do anything to avoid war. I was one of the Queen’s personal guards and he was the heir to the Summer King’s throne. It would be the ultimate betrayal.

"I wanted out of the Dark Court, but there was no way I could do it alone. We both knew we had to involve as few people as possible and keep things quiet since it was such a huge risk. And honestly, I would have taken all the risks just to be with him. He was worth that. But I made the mistake of turning to my family for help. They turned us in, he was killed along with the rest of them, and so the war between the Summer and Dark Court began.”

"Hoseok, I’m so sorry,” you say. “I can’t believe they would do something so horrible to you.”

He lets out a deep sigh, as though he were finally letting out all the air he’d been holding inside himself for years. “They thought they were doing the right thing. It’s awful, but that’s the way Dark fey think. Things work differently for us. For them. There is no such thing as mercy, which makes them very dangerous. If you ever come across Dark fey, promise me you’ll run like hell. Don’t fight, don’t try to reason with them. Run as fast as you can and don’t look back.”

“I will.” Hoseok taught you many years ago what Dark fey look like, assuring you that if you ever saw one, you’d know it was Dark fey without a shadow of a doubt. Dark fey’s appearance takes on the form of everything they believe in. Nightmares, darkness, death. Their exterior is disfigured and everything on the inside, everything they stand for, mirrors the outside. You once asked Hoseok why he doesn’t look like Dark fey. If he hadn’t told you, you would’ve never known what he was. He told you he made a deal with the Summer King, who would rid Hoseok of his physical atrocities in exchange for information about the Dark Court that might help with the war. Now that you know more of the story, you look at Hoseok in a new light. To go to the Summer Court was a big risk and they could have easily turned him away. You now understand the pained expression he had when he told you all of this years ago. Though you want to tell him that none of this is his fault, that had his family not done what they did this would never have happened, you think it wouldn’t help, so you leave it. You just hope that in the future if he needs to talk, he knows that you’re ready to listen.

As you walk further, you think over his story, trying to find the silver lining. Something about it gives you hope. If a Summer and a Dark faerie could somehow manage to overcome their differences and love one another wholeheartedly, what’s to say Jimin couldn’t accept you? Sure, he comes from the human world where supernatural things aren’t exactly 'normal’, but hopefully he would be able to see it in himself to try and see things from your point of view. Purely in a platonic sense, of course. If things ever come to that.

As you walk, Hoseok tells you a bit more about the Dark Court, about the wonderful things he learned about the Summer Court, about the boy he had fallen in love with. You wish you could have seen Hoseok back then. Seen the happiness that must have lit up his face when he was with the boy. You want to close the subject on a good note, ending with happy memories rather than sad ones, so you ask him what it felt like to be in love. 

 A tiny smile tugs at the corners of his lips as he undoubtedly recalls fond memories from the past. Bingo. “It felt like light had been restored to the world. His laughter could make flowers bloom and his smile… I lived for that smile. I would have given anything just for him to be happy every day of his life. He made me want to be a better person. Somehow he saw through all the darkness and all the horrors that made me who I was. He helped me see myself for who I could be.

"Anything that happened, he would be the first person I wanted to tell. I wanted to share my life with him. Every detail of it. Every time I looked at him, my heart felt like it might burst from all the love it was carrying. He changed my life and I’ll never forget him. You never forget your first love.” Hoseok’s glazed over eyes seem to clear and you can tell he’s coming back to reality. “He taught me a lot of important lessons and he taught me that not everybody always needs to have an ulterior motive when doing something. People should be willing to lend a hand in exchange for nothing, to help without being owed anything in return. He was that kind of person. He gave so much of himself to the world, and he had so much more to give–”

He breaks off, going completely still. “Did you hear that?”

You frown. “No, what?”

His eyes flick around the forest and you both strain to hear whatever he just heard. You don’t say anything in case there is someone out there and it draws attention to you. Of course, neither of you is doing anything wrong, but you can never really tell who your friends and who your enemies are. There could either be an innocent hiker out there, or somebody you’ve upset along the way with your mission. But the silence stretches on and you’re beginning to think that maybe Hoseok heard a bird or something.

Then everything explodes in a sea of sound. Gunshots split the air and Hoseok is yelling at you to run. You draw the gun out from your pocket, shooting without aiming in any particular direction. You can’t see who is shooting, which puts you at a severe disadvantage.

 A bullet grazes your leg and you nearly trip over, but you manage to catch yourself just in time. Hoseok shouts your name and you spin around to face him. You didn’t realize how far he was. “Behind you!”

You don’t have time to react, to so much as see your captor before everything goes black.

Florida Gothic
  • It’s always hot, it’s always humid, and it’s always summer. You find yourself asking whether seasons exist. After all, without darkness there can be no light; without winter, can there truly be summer? The answer is yes, and summer will never end.
  • You drive between rural towns, hoping that you never have to stop until you reach your destination. You pass a sign that welcomes you to Hastings, where Jesus loves you and where GOD is still GOD and SIN is still SIN. You think you can hear banjos playing in the distance.
  • You’re on I-4. You’ve always been on I-4, and you’re pretty sure you’ll never reach an exit. You’ve passed theme parks about mice, whales, and 1st Century Jerusalem; you can’t help but wonder what it would be like to live somewhere in 21st Century America, but you know that’s impossible.
  • You’re driving north, but you’re heading further into the South; compasses are useless here. Maps only lead you deeper into the swamp, where only gators get out alive. You wish your friends would stop repeating that phrase. What do they know about the swamp that you don’t?
  • You’ve never met anybody who thinks people should move to Florida, and you’ve always warned people not to, but you’re always meeting someone who’s just moved there. Do they not know? Do they not care? You’re incapable of comprehension, and honestly you prefer it that way. Insanity should not be understandable.
  • You’re dreaming of a white Christmas, and you’re granted one. It’s too hot for snow, and instead you have rednecks. It’s the holidays, and you’re forced to spend time with too many white people who think reverse racism is real. White Christmas is a nightmare, but you can’t wake up; the rednecks were here before you, and they’ll be here after you’re gone.
  • You’re going to the beach today. You went to the beach yesterday. You’re going to the beach tomorrow. Every day, you come home to find sand where you’re sure it couldn’t be… but it is. The sand travels everywhere. It’s only a matter of time until it spreads to the rest of the country, but for now, you hope it’s content here.
  • It’s Saturday and everyone is at the football game. Everyone. The streets are deserted. Has time stopped? You can’t tell.
  • The Baptists refuse to recognize anything. They do not recognize the government; it’s too big. They do not recognize other religions; they are evil. They do not recognize each other in the liquor store, but that’s just a matter of courtesy. Not recognizing things is how you survive here. Do not recognize things.

Mr Thesassygandalf got me a present *-*

2

Or: why I appreciate the newbies on Arrow

*Note: This is a bit of a ramble, but I get very little time on SM lately and have been wanting to put this out for a while. So between tasks I had a few minutes, so here it is.


I was having a discussion with @ireland1733 the other day about (what else?) Arrow. One of the things that came up with her, and I continually see with other fans online, is the marginalization of OTA and the strong push for new characters.

Now I have made no secret of the fact that I love Arrow for Oliver, Diggle, & Felicity. And I have such a soft spot for my fellow STEM geek. LOVING Dark!Felicity so far!

Part 1: A LOT of what I see on the show I have to suspend disbelief because it’s a show inspired by / based on COMIC BOOKS. Not a whole ton of reality is expected. But Arrow is different. Despite some questionable choices made last year that included magic, Arrow has managed to stay well-grounded in their storytelling. But these three are always around. WILL NO ONE EVER PUT THE PIECES TOGETHER? (see Professor McGonagall above)


Part 2: I am not a “and they lived happily-ever-after” girl. I want to see some of the “happily ever after”. If season 3 had been the last season, I’d have been PISSED.

So…onward to season 4 and the sweet wonderfulness of newly discovered bliss.

But as I’ve said before, I still wasn’t satisfied. The domestic life was not fulfilling for Felicity (no more slow cookers), and Oliver was still running - this time from the Green Arrow side of himself. So… they blew it up. IN THE WORST WAY  - but that’s another story.

Fast forward to now. We’re rebuilding (the angst is REAL folks) and it both hurts and feels good at the same time (it’s GOOD angst). Olicity has been shaken to it’s core, but the rebuild has started and the RECONCILIATION IS COMING - I’M SURE OF IT.

Now - to my point. Oliver, Diggle & Felicity are the heart, soul and core of Arrow. But let’s be real. Or as real as we can be. One day (maybe we’ll see it, maybe we won’t) there will be Olicity babies (y’all can debate how many @jbuffyangel - I’m content with one). And maybe another Digglette (I don’t know, maybe a girl this time? I mean, again, I mean - UGH Arrowverse :() But babies take time. Effort. Single-minded focus. Did I say they take time? How are these two beautiful families going to be able to enjoy the lives that they’ve wished for if they never get a break?

Enter:

So I like the introduction of new characters. Do I miss Thea? ABSOLUTELY (and I’m hoping both that there’s a good explanation for her absence and that she gives EWR her comeuppance). I miss Roy.  But the new BC? Mr. Terrific? Wild Dog? I’m giving them a chance. Because of them, in time, OTA can be sitting on a beach somewhere toasting their friendship and good fortune, watching their children splash around in the surf, knowing Star City is in good hands.

I laugh and say I’ll go to hell
But deep inside I hope for heaven
Somewhere nice somewhere pleasant
Somewhere peaceful and complacent
I’ve done wrong, living a life that feels like hell was the cause
I’d be better if I got a taste of heaven
I say it’s fine but I’m wishing for better on lucky 7’s and 11:11’s
I hope it’s relative, I hope my wrongs aren’t fatal flaws
Ugly actions
Beautiful intentions
Was I right when I said that
Was I wrong when I did that
Maybe hell is having to reach the end of the rainbow
They’ll say I can get in if I do a task so incredible
Maybe hell is when I realize
Reaching the end of the rainbow is impossible
It’s too late, hope was hopeless in disguise
Bonfire at La Push

Paul Lahote x reader

Warnings- One kind of suggestive reference (it’s not graphic though) and occasional swearing

This is kind of like a part 2 to ‘Imagine moving to La Push and becoming good friends with the pack’. I wish i made it more flirty but my mind kept going blank sorry guys:( I guess Paul is more flirty than imaginable hahah. I was thinking, if any of you guys wanted, of doing different versions of part 2 with different pairings like one with reader x another pack member? If you guys like the sound of that and want me to write one for another character then inbox me and let me know, i have anons turned on <3

“Hello, i just love your account :3 If you have time, could you write an imagine in which Paul Lahote is teasing/flirting with Y/N after he met her at La Push with the pack ? Thank you :p” requested by @haydenthoughts<3

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Fanfiction - A Lifetime of Her (Part II)

Part II – “In slow motion the blast is beautiful”

Twenty

I watched as people walked in the gardens outside the hospital, struggling to distance myself from the acute sound that seemed to be permanently whistling inside my ears. It was the sound of immediately before – the universe’s cry of warning that catastrophe was imminent. I found myself trapped in that moment, long after the physical pain was gone – after weeks in the intensive care unit, I was finally starting the skin grafts on my back –, paralyzed in a life-changing moment. Doomed to stand in the frontier of what I had been and what the blast had made me become.

A couple was strolling nearby, the woman holding the bundle of their newborn baby, the man enraptured, dutifully keeping watch over a couple of celebratory balloons, announcing a perfect boy in impeccable blue.

I had seen myself in that life, before. My hand entwined with a faceless woman – her eyes mysteriously the colour of strong whiskey, enough to inebriate me with its fumes -, mindlessly walking towards a shared house, a shared life. I couldn’t fathom such a thing now – the explosion, caused by a gas leak at my apartment building at the university, had tarnish skin and dreams alike.

The breeze kept everyone outside mercifully comfortable, under an otherwise hot sun. It was only the second time I had ventured to go outside, wearing the notorious grey pajamas from the hospital, which marked me as belonging somewhere else other than sitting on a bench under the leafy tree.

The sense of disconnection from everything around me was crushing – I felt like I was standing inside a glassed cage, looking at people with normal lives, unable to find an escape to join them. Jenny and Ian visited me daily, trying their best to cheer me up and to bring me back to myself – I had no heart to tell them that only dust and fragments had remained from that man. I was alive, thankfully – but had no notion of what to do with that surprising gift.

“May I sit down?” A woman asked me. I nodded, not bothering to look at her – instead I curled more into my robe, making myself invisible, biting my bottom lip to avoid moaning with pain from the stretching skin. Breathing, moving, walking – everything came with a renewed cost, as if to remind me that my survival still demanded sacrifice.

She sat on the other end of the bench. I saw her blue sneaker dangling spiritedly on the periphery of my vision, as my nostrils were filled with the smell of rosemary and lemon.

“Excuse me.” The voice next to me said, somewhat timidly. “I could swear I know you, but can’t really figure out from where…”

I tilted my head and looked straight into the sun.

Her eyes were the exact same shade as ten years before – I would recognize them anywhere, even if I couldn’t recognize her brown curls or her tentative smile. My jaw dropped an inch, as I stared flabbergasted at the girl from the graveyard.

“You!” I babbled, nervously fumbling with the catheter, skilfully taped to my forearm by a kind nurse. “Ah – yes!” I tried to recover seeing her confused look, silently kicking myself for blurting. “We have met once – many years ago.”

“You’re the boy from the cemetery.” She said slowly, her hawk eyes studying my face. She had an adorable wrinkle of concentration between her brows. “Ellen’s son!”

“Aye.” I smiled, shyly. “I dinna think ye’d remember that.”

“Of course I do.” She nodded, offering me a kind smile. “I always pay my respects to Ellen, whenever I visit my parents.”

I couldn’t answer – my throat suddenly thick with emotion, as words and feelings nestled like a snake around my vocal chords. That she remembered her act of kindness as vividly as I did – and that she had kept watch over my mother – deeply moved me. I gave her a – I hope – grateful nod and looked away, composing the emotions that ran wild, raw and untamed, after the accident.

“Are you a patient here?” She asked. I raised my eyes to look at her again and noticed she was wearing a white uniform, akin to the nurses I was used to see, with an identification card that read “C. Beauchamp. Trainee.

“Aye.” I swallowed hard, attempting at nonchalance. “I have the pleasure of being a guest of the Burn Unit.”

“Ah.” Her eyes softened – it marvelled me how they changed so significantly, reflecting her states of mind. I was prepared to see the pity that always followed such a statement – but it never came. Her face was a mirror of sympathy and concern – but she wasn’t about to treat me as an invalid. “Good thing you’re able to come outside, then. Such a splendid day, today! I had been dreaming all morning of eating my sandwich outside.”

“Do ye work here?” I questioned, watching as she unwrapped and bit her sandwich – egg and tomato on rye bread – with a satisfaction that made my own mouth water.

“Nurse in training.” She explained, closing her eyes in delight for the utter brilliance of her simple pan. “Actually it’s my last day here.”

“I wish I could say the same.” I gave her a lopsided smile and she laughed – a bit too loud and carefree, like a delighted child. For a moment I forgot where I was and why I sat so uptight – she made me forget things. She made me remember others too – transparent things, important things, that could carve the exit from my self-imposed prison.

“The food isn’t that bad.” She joked, offering me some salt and vinegar chips that she had started to munch. Her eyes searched the plastic bracelet on my arm, easily reading my name there. “Jamie.”

“Hmmm.” I smiled, conceding at the personal treatment. “I’m afraid I miss my morning parritch…” I looked at her expectantly, waiting for her to reveal her identity in return.

Claire.” She laughed, playfully saluting me with her joined fingers like a soldier. “Nice to meet you. Again.”

We stayed in amiable silence, as she completed her picnic-style lunch and I continued to study the world around me, through the eyes of a dead-man walking. But the trees where suddenly greener again and the distant voices seemed to speak to me, teasing me but finally within my reach.

“Thank ye,” I said slowly, tapping my fingers on my leg – much thinner than usual, muscles having been consumed in the furnace of my recovery. “For not asking - about what happened.”

Claire glanced at me – I saw again the same wise-beyond-her-years look, the soul that knew pain and how to heal it, which had held me together ten years before. “I didn’t think it mattered.”

I raised my brows, surprised. “It’s all everyone wants to talk about.”

“You can tell me, if you want to.” She licked her lips for crumbs and smiled, tilting her chin to expose her face to the sun. She resembled a lazy cat, stretching under the warmth, gathering enough energy to wreak havoc afterwards. “But I know you’re here and whole and that’s enough for me.”

“Is it?” I whispered, smiling beyond myself.

“Yes.” Claire threw me an evaluating glare, like she could read into my soul and was ready to challenge the defeatist thoughts that resided there. “Is it enough for you?”

“It hasn’t been…” I admitted, brushing my unusually short hair – another thing lost during the first days in hospital care. “But perhaps I’m beginning to see things differently.”

“I’m glad.” She smiled tenderly – and she seemed truly content. For the first time in weeks I noticed my heart galloping inside my chest, strong and lively, as able to be moved and broken as ever before.

“Jamie!” Jenny waved at me from the door, calling me to get back to my room – it was time for another dose of intravenous antibiotics and physical therapy. I raised my hand in response and slowly got up – whimpering and trembling a little, to my mortification. Claire’s hand quickly came to help stabilize me, holding my chest, as if she had guessed that my back was the source of all pain.

“Ye should be a doctor.” The words burst from my mouth, sounding strangely calm and confident. “Ye’ll be a wonderful nurse – but ye could be a brilliant doctor.”

She looked surprised – an image that suited her, for it was screamed from every trembling muscle, flutter of lashes and promise of smile in the corners of her mouth. Claire’s face spoke of truth as mine spoke of loss and of gratitude to her.

I waved in short goodbye and walked away slowly, holding my crutch for support.

When the physical therapist pressed me to give more, I gritted my teeth and did it, even if cursing every generation before him inside my head. When the nurses applauded the results of the healing grafts, I allowed myself to share the happiness, instead of focusing on everything still left to be done. When the quiet night came, I closed my eyes and dared to plan a life to come.

Claire Beauchamp. The woman who seemed to appear when my need was greatest. I wished I could talk to her and tell her that I had been scared – of living and failing to be enough – but she had healed me, like new and joyous blood cast into my veins. Unfortunately, I had only her name – no phone or address I could use to contact her.

The next time I saw her, she was wearing a black dress, in the middle of a night with no stars.

Silver Storm (10/?)

Summary: Hydra took you & turned you into their next asset, your abolities matching the Winter Soldiers. The soldier was assigned as your trainer, infront of others he was hard& cold to you ; but alone he let his walls down, you were eachothers only comfort. After the events Of DC, he disappeared.You were told he abandoned you, that he was on the other side now. It’s been years since you’ve seen him, but what happens when he comes bursting through the doors of your facility?

Memories are in Italics, bold is readers thoughts *

Pairing: Bucky x reader  , reader x avengers

Warnings: swearing, angst,tiny fluff

 * Its a short one guys! I swear the next one will be better


                                                        Chapter 10

   “ Let her go or I swear to God Ross, -”

“ Threats aren’t going to help your girlfriend, Sergeant Barnes. The fact that you all think keeping this criminal here is okay, proves my point. You think you are above the law. Just because Barnes was cleared of his history , doesn’t automatically mean every person that claims to be brainwashed is going to be too. We will make an example of Silver Storm, this government isn’t going to be run by a group of enhanced ‘heroes’ . Escort her out , boys.”

  The guards currently holding you begin pushing you towards the doors, your body is completely frozen with fear. What is happening? They cant take me away from him . You want to fight back, resist against the mens grip on you. But your instincts stop you , the fear of the punishment, of disobeying, overtake any other emotion and thought. This is what Hydra has done to you , made you deathly afraid of disobeying and being tortured for it . Comply & live or Resist & die or be tortured to the point of praying for death .

 You look over your shoulder, catching Buckys livid snarl on his face.

Originally posted by caps-bucky

“ Buck don’t make this worse, we’ll get her back.” you hear Steve say .

Wandas voice floats into your mind, startling you . “ Why aren’t you fighting back y/n? Don’t let them take you !” her voice dripping with confusion and fear for you .

“ It’ll only make this worse. Tell him I love him, we both knew this day would come. ”

That was it, the last contact you had with any of your friends before you were being forced into a black van with Ross & his goons.

“ You’re surprisingly quiet, you’re much more cooperative than your friends were .” Ross says, a hint of humor in his voice. Fuck you .

“ You know the childs game, Simon Says?” You ask Ross, your voice completely calm.

“ Yes?”

“ Imagine playing that , but instead of just losing when you don’t follow Simons order, You either receive a bullet between your eyes or you’re beaten to the point you wish you would of taken the bullet. That is what I was put through , either obey or rebel & and be punished to the point I wish for death . I was beaten, robbed of my memories, of my life . There isnt a day I dont regret the things ive done, that i dont think about the lives i was forced to take. So tell me Secretary, what would you have done if you were me?” The car goes quiet, your question never being answered. You stay silent during the car ride, during the helicopter ride and even when bring you to a floating prison & strap the equivalent to a straight jacket on you before they throw you in a cell. I always knew id end up somewhere like this.

             Buckys POV

“ What the fuck just happened!?” Bucky shouts, pointing his finger at Tony.“ Who the hell let him in here!”

  “ Buck-”

“ Shut up Steve. Don’t you dare tell me to calm down .” I growl at him before he can continue.

“ Barnes I didn’t know-” Tony starts to defend himself

“ You didn’t know what Tony? You really didn’t think Ross would take her ! He’s still acting like a bitch because I was released ! You really didn’t consider that he’d jump at the chance to get his hands on someone else!? ” I can’t contain the anger bubbling over. How could this happen? How could I just let her be ripped away from me? The team was silent, knowing nothing they could say right now would solve this.

Originally posted by stark-industries

  “ We will get her back, she has the same qualifications you had that got you off the hook. Ross said he just wanted to observe her , I didn’t think there was a reason for her to be taken !” Tony shouts back . He rubs his hand down his face, regret radiating off him.

  “ Bucky I went into her mind as they took her.” Wanda hesitantly says, I whip my focus to her and wait for her to continue. “ She said to tell you that she loves you , but you both knew this day would come. She was afraid to fight back, afraid it would make things worse. ” Her voice shakey. She’s probably just as upset as I am, they were just as close. I pull Wanda to me , hugging her tightly.

“ Thank you . ” I whisper into her hair.

  “ She’s at the same place some of you were taken . Legally , they have to evaluate her & asses the just how much damage was done to her , and they have to have enough evidence that she was being coerced to do the things she did .” Tony says , placing a hand on my shoulder.

“ She was evaluated here, why do they have to do it again? ” I ask

“ They wont take our word on it , I’m flying out there in 10 minutes, bringing them copies of the videos from her handlers flash drive. I’m not leaving there without her ,Barnes.” Tony reassures me.

“ I’m going with . ”

“ Bucky I don’t think-”

“ She’s scared Tony . I’m the one that promised her she was safe here, this wasn’t suppose to happen. I’m going.” He doesn’t argue with me anymore. 10 minutes later we are on his helicopter, on our way to Y/n.

         Y/n’s POV

  Your head flies back from the punch one of guards just threw at you . You feel the blood trickling out of your nose. You cant even fight back , the jacket they had you locked in not allowing your arms any freedom. All you can do is take the beating, you know you deserve to be here, but not to be beaten like this.

“ A piece of shit like you doesn’t even deserve to be here, you should of been dropped in the middle of the damn ocean to drown.” The guard snarls, landing another blow to your eye . Your body gives out, collapsing fully onto the ground. 

Ross’s voice comes over the intercom, “ Alright that’s enough . We have visitors on the way.”

A sickening smirk falls onto the guards face, he pulls what you think is a muzzle off of his belt. “ Cant have you chatting up a storm.” he says , harshly putting it on you . its painfully tight around your head. I wonder who is coming.

Originally posted by buffyduh

When the guard leaves your cell, you lay down gently on the crappy bed that was supplied. Your body aches from the guards hits, making you groan as your body hits the bed, You close your eyes, letting the tears fall freely now.

A few hours later.

  “ y/n?” Bucky?

 You spring up as fast as your body lets you , and stand infront of the giant barred window . You watch as Bucky looks you over, anger taking over his face when he sees all the bruises on your face.

“ They did this to you?” He growls, all you can do is nod .

  “ I’m getting you out of here , doll.” he promises , he walks away and you cry as he does.  

       Bucky POV

   Seeing Y/n strapped in that jacket and muzzle I was angry, then I saw the bruises scattering over her face & I was livid . I storm into the control room where Tony and Ross are watching the flash drive videos.

“ Get her out of the jacker and muzzle , NOW.” I growl at Ross.

He looks unimpressed, but still slightly afraid .

“ You put her in a jacket and muzzle? Seriously Ross? She went willingly, she didn’t even try to fight you.” Tony says

“ I’m not releasing her from the jacket, its to ensure the safety of our guards.”

“ Oh ,the guards that clearly beat her!? Her face is covered in bruises! It wasn’t a fucking request, take.them.off.NOW.” I Shout. Ross looks over to the guard in the room ,nodding at him.

Originally posted by its-buckyy

 I follow after him ,not wanting to risk him putting his hands on y/n. I watch from the window as he removes the muzzle, then the jacket. Y/n goes to stretch , but winces halfway through. They must have really gotten her. She walks to the window, a sad smile on her lips.

“ Hi Buck.” her voice was raspy, my heart breaking at the sound.

“ I’m not leaving you here. They have no reason-”

“ But they do . I should be punished for what Ive done. We both knew there was a chance this would happen. I -”

“ No y/n, you don’t deserve to be here. I’m not letting them do this to you , if they want to blame someone they can blame Hydra, not you.” I say . I feel a hand on my shoulder, then hear Tony .

“ Y/n, I didn’t know they were going to take you . Ross said -”

“ Its alright Tony, I know you wouldn’t of done this on purpose. ” she says . Of course shes not blaming him , shes not going to blame anyone but herself with is bullshit.

 

Y/n’s POV

  “ I managed to compromise with Ross, you can leave with us. But you have to wear an anklet until your evaluation is looked over again by a third party, its kind of like ones people on house arrest are given. You cant leave the tower at all, you cant even set foot on the jet, or one step outside of the door."Tony informs you.

  Tears roll down your cheeks as Tony keeps listing off the restrictions of the anklet. But all you can focus on is being able to be home again. A few minutes pass , a guard finally comes to unlock your door.  The first thing you want to do is throw yourself into Buckys embrace, but you know this isn’t the place for that. You’re guided to the room where Ross is , entering you see the displeased look on his face. You sit in an empty chair, the room silent while Ross locks the monitor on your ankle.

” If you take one step out of that tower, you will receive a shock to stop you .“ He tells you . You don’t reply, just stand and move next to Bucky.

” Lets get out of here . Ross, always a pleasure.“ Tony says sarcastically while he leads you and Bucky out .

  As you pass a few guards on the way , one stands out to you . You haven’t seen him while you were here , but he looks familiar to you . You try to place your finger on where you’ve seen him , but you cant seem to figure it out. You lock eyes with him, and he sends you a wink, a creepy smile forming on his lips. What a creep. You avert your gaze , looking anywhere but at the guard.

You’re finally on the helicopter, about to lift off to take you home .Bucky pulls your hand in his lap, lacing his fingers with yours and kissing your hand.You sigh in relief at the feeling of his lips against your hand  Your eyes wonder out the window, & your gaze locks with the familiar looking guard, your stare flickers down to his lips. You watch as his lips twitch into a sickening smirk, & he mouths ,” Hail Hydra" .

Your eyes widen as you Finally recall where you know him . He was your handlers second in command , he was on a mission the day you Freed yourself From hydra . You can’t seem to find your voice as fear and anger flood through you.

I’m not going to let them ruin this,  Not without a fight.

Originally posted by dracula-love

 


* I hope I got everyone! its really hard to keep up with tags

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A Far Away Infinity

Sorry for the delayed update, especially with that cliffhanger. But exams are the worst. I am really going to try and finish this story up in the next few weeks. I intended for it to only be like five parts, but I think it’s going to be a few more than that! Anyway, finals are coming, so I am going to try really hard to write it all before I have to go back into exam mode. I hope you enjoy and as always, let me know what you think! Also, thanks again for all the love for this story :)


Part 1 2 3

Part 4 // I carry your heart with me ( I carry it in my heart) //

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TITLE: Quiet Confessions

‘Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.’

[gif is not mine] this is from my ao3!! requests are open. let me know what you think


“What are you doing?” Loki asked her noticing she was on the steps outside of his house in the pouring rain.

She turned and smiled at him, “Waiting for you.”

“Why?”

She shrugged and turned back around, “It’s a pretty day, don’t you think?” She held out her hand, feeling the water wet her hand.

He grabbed her shoulders and pulled her up, “It is. But not when you’re about to get sick. Honestly.” He shook his head at her, feeling she was getting colder by the second he rushed her to his house. “What are you thinking? You could get hypothermia.” He grabbed a towel and gave it to her.

He heard her laugh, while fixing her up some tea. “I swear to god you’re insane. One day you’re going to kill yourself while doing something silly.” He plopped the tea bag in her mug and waited for the water to boil. He turned around and saw her watching him. “What?” He touched his face, thinking there was something there. “Do I have something on my face?”

She shook her head, a small cough coming from her mouth. She gave him back his towel and told her to keep a hold of it. “Thank you.” She said as she brought the mug to her lips. He nodded in acknowledgement.

“Now, care to tell me why you’re here?”

She coughed again, harshly and longer this time. He cringed as he saw her struggling to breath, “See you’re already getting sick.” He tried to lighten the mood.

“I was just around the neighbourhood and I wanted to see you.”

“So…you didn’t knock? You just sat there?”

“I knew you’d come out sooner or later.” She smiled.

Loki looked at her peculiarly, she seemed off…somehow. Well, it was her and she did a lot of random things, that’s what he loved about her. Loki sighed her name, “We haven’t spoke in half a year. What are you really doing here?”

Her smile dropped and looked at him, no emotion on her face whatsoever. “Do you still have the envelope I gave you, Loki?”

‘Envelope? Huh?….Oh right, yeah.’ He nodded and moved towards his room, getting it. She stopped him with her hand, “I don’t want you to get it Loki. I was just wondering if you still had it.”

“Of course, I’d still have it, you told me to keep it, to only open it when something big and devastating happened. I still think you’re barmy.” He rolled his eyes as he returned back to his spot. “Why do you ask?”

“Hmm?” She looked at him, she was thinking about the future before. It hurt her head when she thought for a long time. It also hurt her when she was doing things that acquired large energy, such as walking, but she wouldn’t tell him that. “Sorry, I was daydreaming.”

“You do that a lot, you know? One of the weirdest things about you.” She smiled at him while he scowled at her.

She loved him, he hoped he knew. Sure he wasn’t the nicest person on the planet, but what would you get from a God?

“Do you remember what we talked about before?”

“When before?”

“You know, that day at the Rainbow Bridge? When you took me to Asgard and we talked about the future, while laying down and looked at the stars?”

He remembered that day clearly, etched into his mind. He sighed happily as he recalled that day.

Loki took her to Asgard, to meet the rest of his family, well they wanted to meet her. Wanting to see the girl that captured his heart…even though she didn’t know anything about that. That would be kept as a secret for a long time. Loki remembered as they finished their feast and they walked aimlessly down the Rainbow Bridge, stopping around halfway to sit down.

She looked like she belonged there, her personality suited it. He remembered there was a breeze which made her dress sway a bit, and her hair flowing in the night sky. If he had a chance to paint any picture, that would be it. That was one of the most defined moment of his life, he thought. Here was a girl who has stuck by him, through thick and thin and he couldn’t even tell her that he loved her. Three little words.

Loki remembered sitting down and talking about the future and the what ifs. He remembered her telling him that she wants a huge family one day, living somewhere, maybe Asgard or a small Scottish cottage. Somewhere peaceful and quiet. He wanted to be that guy when she told him.

“Judging by your smile, I’m saying you remember?” She interrupted his memories as she gave him a faint sheepish smile.

“Bits and pieces.” He bit out. He saw her smile drop a bit and he felt like A-grade ass. “Can’t help it, I’m getting old.” She laughed out loud for this one, and he couldn’t help but smile as well.

“I remember telling you about my future, I really hope that one day that happens, you know? With the right guy, hopefully soon.” She whispered her confession. She put her mug in the sink and looked at the clock. “I have to go back to the hos- home. I’ll see you later Loki.” She coughed again and gave him a smile.

“I’ll see you later as well, treat your cold.” She waved at him and coughed again. He frowned, she seemed to be having a coughing fit. Thinking nothing of it, he closed the door and sighed.


Loki felt like ripping the nine realms apart. There was something burning inside his chest, he wished he could rip it out and just toss it. He belted out a scream while thrashing his room. There was a light knock on the door. “Brother?”

Loki didn’t bother responding as he flipped his table upside down. “This is not fair! Why? Why brother?  WHY?” He yelled at Thor as he ducked a vase.

“Loki, calm down.”

“Calm down? You want me to calm down? Do you know how preposterous you sound right now?” Thor furrowed his brows as he took steps towards his brother.

“I apologise, but I am very sorry about your loss. Did you know anything?”

Loki shook his head as he dropped down to his knees, “She visited me once, she looked fragile and weak, she also had a coughing fit. I did not think anything of it, I thought it was just the flu. Gods, I’m so foolish!”

Thor felt the room crack under Loki’s magic. “Hush, Loki. She would have not wanted this.”

He placed a comforting hand on Loki’s shoulder, “I am foolish brother, I did not even tell her my true feelings.”

Thor knelt down in front of his weeping brother, “I am sure, she knew Loki. And I am sure that she returned those feelings for you. I recall that she gave you something before?”

Loki’s eyes widened, filled with tears he ransacked his room until he found the letter from her. “Leave Thor, please.” Thor did not need to be told twice. He walked to the door a single glance back at his brother, he shook his head and closed the door.


Loki sat down on the bed, sighing he flipped the enveloped. There it was his name in her tilted handwriting, the letter felt thick and heavy. He carefully opened the enveloped and brought out the letter.  There were several things in there, there was at least five photographs.

He looked at them each, one was him, her and the Avengers, he recalled the man in the iron suit had wanted a group photo, and he insisted annoyingly that Loki be a part of it. Another was him trying to figure out how to cook, the third her and him in the park with Darcy, Jane and Thor. The fourth was just him and her, him being in a Midgardian suit attire. And the last…the last took his breath away. It was a photo of him and her on that night sitting on the Rainbow Bridge. ‘How?’ He thought.

He put the letter and the other photographs by his side and looked at the picture. It seemed magical and staged, but it was not. He could see himself staring at her lovingly from a far and her staring right back at him. ‘Who took this photo?’ It was perfect.

He closed his eyes and put the photo close to his chest. “Oh…oh, my love.” He gently put it beside him and grabbed the letter and began reading it.

Loki,

Hello you. You’re probably wondering why I gave you a letter right? Or not, since you’re used to well me being me.

I’m writing this letter because, well today I just found out I had cancer. I don’t know if you know anything about it, but incase if you don’t. Well, it’s a Midgardian disease, there’s no known cure for it, I’m pretty sure. I don’t know if they have it in Asgard…

Now, you’re thinking that why wouldn’t I tell you? Well, it’s simple, really. I wanted to be with you. I wanted you to be happy and not have this thing over your head. I wanted you to be YOU while being with me. But then, the treatments and such got into the way of that. I know we haven’t spoken in around 5 months and now I’m just giving you a letter out of the blue, but I needed this. I needed to write you this.

These will be my last words Loki. My last words for you.

You don’t know how much you mean to me. You are my everything, my stars, my moon, my life. Do you remember that day when we sat on the Rainbow Bridge? That was the day I wanted to tell you everything. Everything that I felt for you, wanted from you.

When I told you I wanted to live somewhere quiet and have a big family, I wanted that. With YOU. There was no one else that can make me feel the way you did. When I was around you I felt like I was on fire, I was being re-born. You made me feel like me. You made me feel complete.

I wish I could have that future with you, I goddamn wished I didn’t have this! I wish that we could have Midgardian, half Jotunn babies. Wow, that would have been a sight? Can you imagine dropping them off to preschool? Or when I gave birth to them?

I have never regretted anything.

The only thing I regretted was not telling you in person that I love you.

I goddamn love you so much. More than I thought could be possible.

Those are my last words for you my Loki. Please be happy. Anyway, I won’t be really gone, I’ll be watching over you…gods that sounded weird.

I love you.


Loki carefully folded the letter back, tears in his eyes he grabbed the items and marched towards the Bifrost.

Once he reached it, he hastily wiped his eyes. “Heimdall, I am sure you know why I am here.”

Heimdall nodded, “I am very sorry for your loss. I just wanted to let you know she loved you greatly, and that it was you she was thinking about when she passed.”

Loki felt his heart clench and nodded solemnly to Heimdall who let him go onto the Bifrost. “I’m trusting you know where I want to go?”

He felt the rush of the Bifrost as he was taken to his destination. Loki landed on the ground with a thud and looked up at the landscape before him.


It was a little cottage, on a cliff, over looking the Scottish sea. This was the place that he secretly bought for her. He walked to the door and opened it. He breathed in and smelt the wood. He walked around the small cottage, going outside via the garden.

He looked up at the night stars. “The only thing I regretted was not telling you that I love you. And now it is too late.

“You see this cottage, I bought for you, when you told me you wanted somewhere quiet and peaceful, I bought this for you. You don’t know how much hassle I had to go through buying this for you.” He laughed and the stars twinkled. “I miss you.” He whispered. He felt a gust of wind hitting him.

“I miss you too.” Was what he could faintly hear from the wind. He looked up hopeful and watched the night stars twinkling. He smiled and walked back inside.

This is where he would live, this is where he would stay, until the day she comes back to him, taking him to a better life.

Mouse (Negan Fluff)

Summary: Mouse suffers from anxiety and Negan tries to help her cope.

Characters: Negan and Mouse 

Word Count: 2,056

Warnings: Swearing, Fluff

Author’s Note: This fic was requested by @fndmddctd who sent the request: 

‘There’s this young woman and she’s living in the Sanctuary. She has not been able to take the apocalypse like the others have and so she has developed separation anxiety. One day Negan has to go to a community somewhere else and that triggers her. So either he has to calm her down or she wants to come with him, but is really scared all the time. Up to you.’

I hope this is to your liking! I really enjoyed writing this one.

Keep reading

Extreme Measures

Anon Requested:  I’m a little confused, are drabble requests open? If they are can I get a Yoongi one with #73 and #99 please? Sorry if requests are closed

Drabbles are currently open :) (I know you sent this a while ago but the requests were open then too ) I tried this in First Person POV instead of Second for once so I hope you like this! Feel free to give me criticism :) Good, Bad, Any criticism is good criticism! 


Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

Warnings: Insecurities, weight problems, body issues, self hate, depression, slight mentioning of an eating disorder

Word Count: 1770

“Show me what’s behind your back.”

“I can’t stand seeing you like this.”


There’s nothing tragically beautiful about depression, the fools who believe it is haven’t truly had depression in their lives. It’s not sad songs and poetry, shy glances or drowning in the bath. It’s not ghostly white skin tainted by charcoal circles under sad eyes and large purple bruises stretching viciously up your arms. It isn’t lonely walks, vacant coffee shops or smoking dusty cigarettes.

Depression is unwashed clothes and flaking skin. It’s over eating and the inability to even get out of bed and then hating yourself for eating too much and not doing anything that day. It’s giving up on yourself and not taking pride in your appearance anymore because when you feel like this who do you really have to impress? You don’t care about relationships, you don’t care if you’re late to work or end up getting kicked out of school. You just don’t care anymore. Its empty inboxes, bursts of anger and late night tears. It’s a feeling of disgust within yourself that makes you want to tear off your own skin just so you can feel clean because you feel like you’re the lowest and filthiest piece of scum there is in the world. Its uncertainty and confusion. It's losing weight, long showers and greasy hair or even gaining weight, not showering and feeling awful. It’s trying to starve yourself to lose the weight and the only way to stop yourself from eating is to sleep. It’s constantly wishing you could be somewhere or someone else. It's losing the will to even live.

Depression is not tragically beautiful, it’s just tragic.

Sometimes I feel like there is something eating me up from the inside, as if my conscience is telling me I’m not good enough. It’s probably right, I’m not good enough for myself let alone my boyfriend, but I try and be the girlfriend he deserves, the one who isn’t too heavy, the one who has a flat stomach and toned legs and the one that every guy wants to be with. Every day I plaster my face with makeup, wear loose clothes and fake a smile; but some days I can’t take it anymore. I miss dinner one day and then again and again and after one fateful day of passing out at work and Yoongi having to come get me I realized there were other ways to do this. Better ways than starving myself.

I’ve tried it all, I’ve tried working out and I didn’t see the results after a month so I gave up on that. I’ve tried starving myself and well…we all know how that turned out. I even tried making myself throw up, disgusting I know but I ended up cutting that out when Yoongi had to force me to the doctors because he assumed I had a bun in the oven. I had to just tell the doctor I had food poisoning just so he wouldn’t get suspicious.

But now here we are! My latest and most fulfilling way to lose weight, pills. Some pills work wonders if you have enough money for it, thankfully my family has always been on the wealthier side so I’ve always had enough to get me by and then some.

The pills were never a problem for me, within two weeks I shed fifteen pounds just like that, no exercising necessary and no more throwing up. It was just hard to take the pills whenever Yoongi was home, this is the longest break he’s had since he finished tour and of course he wants to spend time with me, I’m not making that out to be a bad thing but the pills are what’s most important.

I end up having to sneak away for a few minutes just to go to the bathroom to take the pills. I take them three times a day and thirty minutes before I eat, though the only thing I ever eat is maybe half a banana and if I’m feeling a tad bit more snackish maybe a cup of ramen.

Closing the bathroom door quietly I opened the medicine cabinet and pulled out the cylinder shaped pill bottle labeled ‘ibuprofen’ I had it mislabeled so just in case Yoongi finds it and looks up the actual pill name he doesn’t freak out. The cap came off easily and I easily took two pills out. 6 pills a day. That’s not really a lot if you think about it, besides, there are people that are addicted to painkillers and all I’m doing is taking pills to lose weight, weight that I feel like I don’t need. That’s perfectly normal, that’s-

“What are you doing?”

Shooting my head up to stare at the mirror I saw Yoongi, his eyes were on my hands and I instantly turned to him, pills in hands and pill bottle still on the counter, my hands were behind my back but I knew he could see the pill bottle in the mirror. “Show me what’s behind your back.”

“It’s nothing.” A smile appeared on my face, I was usually pretty good at lying, lying to Yoongi was a lot harder for me though, I always regretted lying to him about if I was fine or not but some things just didn’t need to be brought to his attention, he had enough stress on his plate my weight problems didn’t need to be one of them.

Yoongi didn’t fall for my smile, he instantly took a step closer and I took a step back, but only to find me pushing myself against the sink counter. His eyes narrowed and his hand gripped my arm yanking me towards him. A small yelp left my lips from the sudden physicality but my hands still stayed behind my back, hands squeezing tighter so he wouldn’t see the pills. “(Y/N). Show me.” He growled, his voice growing deeper as his eyes stared into my eyes with something I’ve never seen before. All I could do was shake my head at him refusing to show him the pills. I couldn’t, it’d break him inside. (Y/N)-”

“No!” I cried, tears soon filling up my eyes before I let them fall with a blink. “I-I can’t. Just go out of the bathroom and pretend you didn’t see anything then everything will be fine.”

Yoongi looked at me incredulously, his eyes slightly widening from my outburst but the seriousness came back almost instantly. “Just show me what’s behind your back.” His eyes flickered to the mirror again and saw the pill bottle, with a light and simple shove I was pushed to the side and Yoongi grabbed the opened bottle and grasped it in his hands. His eyes scanned the label and before I could even react he dumped the whole bottle in the toilet and flushed them down.

I stood on the brink of something I couldn’t describe. The weight of everything seemed to press down on my shoulders and I struggled to take even a single step forward. It was too much. All of it. And somehow, I kept moving. But every step cost me. The darkness grew darker; the pain grew sharper; all of it seemed to only grow in strength and I began to wonder if things could ever get better. The pills were gone, the only thing that seemed to give me hope and happiness on being the perfect girlfriend was now gone and flushed down the toilet.

Only once it resonated with me that they were gone did I finally break down, and I don’t mean I cried, I was now angry, angry with him for flushing down my hope, angry at him for not even noticing how sad I was, but most of all I was angry with myself. I pushed him back, his back hitting the bathroom wall and a screech of my voice coming at and colliding with his eardrums. “How could you!” My hands came back again to push him but they were only caught in his hands. His hands tightened around my wrists and quickly walked forward backing me up against the wall opposite to him. “Do you think I’m stupid? Do you really think I haven’t noticed how much you’ve changed? God, I can’t stand seeing you like this!” Yoongi’s hands only tightened as he got more frustrated. “You know I was waiting for you to tell me. I thought we’ve been together long enough that when you’re hurting you could tell me.” His eyes bored into mine and his hands tightened even more now to the point of hurting. “You’re hurting me.” My voice was small, quiet and frail but he heard me none the less. His hands still stayed around my wrists but loosened up a tremendous amount. I looked up at him but his eyes were now squeezed shut and his head was hanging low. I didn’t know what was going on in his head, how could I know? He knew what I was doing this whole time, I only kept it a secret because I knew it would tear him up inside, but in reality he had to suffer alone and silently waiting for me to come clean to him. “I’m sorry.” My voice picked up in pitch but it was more of a whisper still.

Yoongi never opened his eyes or raised his head. His hands dropped from my wrists and hung by his sides. “I- I should’ve-”

“Talk to me (Y/N). Just talk to me when you’re depressed, don’t worry about how I’m going to feel.”

“But-”

“No buts, I have been going out of my freaking mind seeing you like this and I could barely stand let alone watch you do this to yourself.” Yoongi’s hands now came up to my face cupping my cheeks in his hands.

“How long?” You whispered knowing he would be able to hear what I had just said. He gave a confused look so I spoke again. “How long have you known?”

It didn’t take long for him to answer. “Four months ago.”

“So when I started…I’m sorry.” I breathed out letting out the few tears that have been building up behind my eyes. Yoongi shushed me once I spoke those two words. His lips met my forehead and when he pulled back tears were now welling up in his eyes only making me feel more upset and a small cry left my lips. “Yoongi…I-I’m-”

“Shh, it’s okay. We’ll get through this okay? You just need to talk to me when you need help with all of this okay? You’re going to get better…you will, I promise.”

Damon Salvatore: Friends or...

Words count: 826
Warning: A bit of swearing.
A/N: This was written long time ago, I just found my old textbook and this was in it. So I just edited it.
Summery: Damon’s long time best friends, meet in Mystic Falls, after 2 years of no contact. Things happen. lol

WHO’S EXCITED FOR SEASON 8, BECAUSE I CAN’T WAIT!!



You walked in the Salvatore bordering house, I heard talking in the polar/living room. I vamp speed in there, and pushed Damon into a wall, he grunted in pain.

“Ah, who are you?” You’re guessing Stefan asked you.

“Don’t worry Stefan, Damon knows me.” You told Stefan smiling, and then turned to Damon.

“Wait y/n?” Damon asked confused, you just smiled and let him go.

“Took you long enough.” You said laughing. Damon turned around and we hugged.

“What are you doing here?” He asked you confused.

“Can’t I visit my best friend?” You asked him faking hurt.

“No, but I haven’t seen you in 26 years.” He said.

“I know, I just heard a thing or two about you and a certain vampire doppelganger.” You told him walking to their alcohol stash.

“I’m sorry, I’m confused.” Stefan asked frowning. “Who are you?”

“I’m y/n y/l/n Damon’s best friend.” You told him and took a sip from your bourbon. “Also I’m almost 800 years.”

“800?” Stefan asked shocked.

“Yes, turned by an Original might I add.” You said and finished your glass in one go.

“You know about the originals?” Damon asked me.

“Yes, and before you say anything, I’ll tell you all about them, if and when you tell me where Katarina is.” You said and sat on the sofa and crossed your legs.

“She left town, long ago.” Damon said and sat next to you. “Now tell us.”

“First let’s go, you have to give me a tour of the town.” I told him, and stood up.

“I’m going to Elena’s.” Stefan said and left.

“Who’s Elena?” I asked Damon.

“Stefan’s girlfriend.” He grumbled.

“Okay, let’s go.”

Damon and you went to the Mystic grill, he told you about everything that happened since he came to this cursed town, which is a lot. Mystic Falls is never silent for long.

“Who is the Damon? Your new plaything.” A man with blue eyes and dark blond hair asked.

“Honey, Damon’s charm doesn’t work on me.” You told the man smirking.

“Alaric meet y/n, y/n Alaric.” Damon introduced you.

“Oh, the teacher slash vampire hunter.”

“Yeah.” Alaric said confused.

“I’m the best friend.” You told him.

“Wait, Damon has a best friend?” A familiar voice asked. “Who’s the unfortunate soul?”

“If it isn’t Kol f@cking Mikealson.” You said and turned in your seat. “The f@cking @sshole who turned me and left me to complete the transition on my own, in the middle of nowhere.”  

“y/n!” Kol said caught off guard.

“Kol turned you?” Damon asked you surprised.

“Yes once upon a time I loved him.” You said not looking at Damon, and then glared at a still surprised Kol. “Asked him to turn me so we’d be together forever. And he does only to leave me not 24 hours later.”

“y/n I…” Kol started to say before you cut him off.

“Save it, we’re leaving.” You said and walked away from Kol. You heard two set of footsteps follow you.

“Man wish I filmed that.” Damon said once you were outside.

“First time I heard someone talk to Kol like that and leave without a scratch.” Alaris said chuckling.

“Well, when you live 800 years you kind of become fearless.” You told him.

You walked to the parking lot near the grill and saw a couple making out.

“Is that Stefan?” You asked both men with you.

“Yes, kissing Elena.” Damon said, and you could hear the jealousy in his voice.

“Well nice meeting you Alaric, but Damon and I have somewhere to be.” You told Alaric and you and Damon went to his car, you ignored the questioning look Damon gave you. Damon drove to the boarding house upon your request.

“What was that about?” Damon asked you, when you walked inside.

“Where’s your bedroom?” You asked Damon and he showed you. You sat on his bed, leaning on the head board. Damon sat next to you.

“Do you love Elena?” You asked him bluntly.

“What?” Damon asked you surprised at the question.

“Don’t even deny it, I know you better than anyone else.” You told him looking forward, for some unknown reason you wanted him to say no.

“NO.” Damon said strongly and you believed him, but you were confused.

“Then why are you jealous of her and Stefan?” You asked him and turned your head to look him, he was already looking at you, so your faces were really close.

“I’m jealous of their relationship, Stefan has the girl he loves in his arms, I don’t.” Damon told you softly.

“And who do you love?” You felt his face moving closer to yours.

“You, you idiot.” With that you closed the distance between the two of you, his lips crashed into yours. You smiled into the kiss, glad to finally be in his arms, you kept kissing until you pulled back for air.

“Took you long enough.” You said and started kissing again.