i wish i knew how to ps


Decided to do one of these 2006-2016 things.  I wonder how many people would recognize me now that knew me back then. A lot has changed for the better: transitioning, getting married, new friends, tattoos!, and being able to make money from something I love doing, art! A lot has changed for the worst: struggling with daily body issues, losing friends and family, money issues, being terrified of the future. Over all I’m proud of where I am now and grateful for all of you who helped me get there. Take care everyone and good luck and well wishes in 2017. I’m here for you all <3.
PS. somehow my eyebrows grew even bigger.
PSS. CHECK OUT WHAT A COOL KID I WAS (going through old photos while home) . I’d fight ya on the dance floor. >:U

The Moon and The Sun- A Suho Wolf!Au (Part 7)

part 1 , part 2, Part 3, Part 4,Part 5, Part 6 , Part 8

“Jongdae, will you please stop staring at me? I’m trying to work here.” You snapped at the younger boy, as you casually stirred something in a pot.

“Can’t do. Suho gave me specific orders to keep my eyes on you at all times until he and the other boys got back from the mission.” He told you with a happy tone, which you knew he was using specifically to annoy you.

The boy had been sitting there on a stool, looking like a 5 year old child, staring at you for the past hour, while you tried to cook dinner and dessert for the guys, with the whole intention of disturbing you, and annoying you as much as he possibly could. It was working. You were fighting yourself not to throw him a pan straight at the head. You understood him partially, he was nervous, and he was upset. Half his pack had gone on a mission to recognize the other’s pack, the danger the posed, how many members they had, and the likes, and he was on edge. It must have been hard for him to have been one of the six left behind, to be away from the action, and away from his family, unable to protect them, or know what is going on.

You understood him, because you felt the same way. You hated not knowing what was going on out there, you hated not being able to protect them, even more than Jongdae did, because you had no way of protecting them unless you bought a gun, which you were seriously considering by this point.

“You are such a creep” you told him, before sticking your tongue out at him, and continuing to stir the mix you had in the pot. He smiled at you.

“Yeah but I’m your favorite creep, and you love me.” He replied, and you instantly felt him ease up. You knew he cared about his friends just as much as you did. The bond wolves had in a pack was impossibly close and strong, but you felt just as strongly towards them. You loved them all, and the idea of any of them ever getting hurt was unbearable.

“So how do you feel about brownies? I made cupcakes, but I’m making brownies while I’m waiting for the lasagna to finish cooking. Or should I make spaghetti? Sehun said he wanted spaghetti earlier today, but D.O wanted lasagna…” You rambled, as you continued stirring the homemade brownie mix. Jongdae looked at you with pity-filled eyes.

“Y/N stop. I know you are nervous and scared, but you need to stop. You have made enough food to last us three days. If you keep baking stuff you will have to roll us out of the house. They’ll be fine. I know they will be. They are strong, and brave. Tao and Sehun will be back from the store any time, and Lay and Luhan will be done patrolling the perimeter too. Why don’t you go watch some TV with Baekhyun? I’ll tell you when the timer goes off.” He told you, as he pushed you out of the kitchen, removing the apron from you, and placing it on his own body.

“Jongdae…” You spoke, as you turned around just outside the kitchen. He looked up from the knot he was trying to tie at the front of the apron.

“Thank you. For everything. I’m glad you stayed here to protect me. I don’t know what I would be doing right now if it wasn’t for you. So thank you.” You spoke sincerely, and he flashed you a smile.

“Yah! Don’t speak like that. You make it sound like we are about to die. No one is dying here Y/N. Now go watch TV” He brushed you off, before closing the door to the kitchen, and leaning back against it, letting his smile wash off, and worry replace it with a frown.

You knew it was all an act, you knew the only reason he told you that was because it did feel like you were constantly saying goodbye, like you had to tell everyone how you felt about them, and how much you cared at all times, just in case the others attacked, and you were no longer able to. You were stuck at war, and in war people die. You hated feeling like the most useless and weakest piece on the board, like everyone there was willing to die to protect you, and yet all you could do for them was bake a stupid batch of brownies.

“Hey… You, with the frown, that’s not allowed in this household. No angry faces unless you are Kris, and occasionally Sehun. Come sit down, Ps I love you is on, it’s supposed to be really good. It’s a chick flick right?” he spoke, as he patted towards the spot next to him on the sofa. You smiled at him slightly, before making your way towards him, and plopping down next to him. Being away from Suho was really making you edgy. You felt empty without him.

“He’ll be okay. They all will be. It must be hard for you. I wish I knew how to help you, but I’m neither human, nor have I bonded… I’m so sorry. I wish I was of more use. Do you just want to… I don’t know, cuddle?” He offered awkwardly, opening his arms for you. You nodded faintly, before letting yourself fall into his arms, with his arms wrapping tightly around you. You started crying, tears staining the front of his shirt, as your soft sobs and whimpers shook your body against his.

Suddenly, the front door burst open, and in walked some very damaged and dirty, out of breath wolf boys. You sat up from your spot on the sofa, and instantly rushed towards them, with Baekhyun coming straight after you. Jongdae exited the kitchen faster than you could have ever considered humanly possible.

Your eyes darted from one wolf boy to the other, but no matter how many times you counted, you could only see 11 boys in the room with you. Baekhyun and Jongdae right beside you, Sehun and Tao entering the groceries, Chanyeol and Kai helping a wounded Xiumin and D.O up, Lay and Luhan panting at the doorframe after having finished the patrol, and your seemingly okay but dirty boyfriend on the floor. Kris. Kris was missing. Where was Kris? Why was Kris not there?

“Kris… We lost Kris… We were fighting, and he just ran off in a different direction… We haven’t seen him since the fight.” Suho breathed out, and you could see the tears welling up in his eyes, but he tried to hold them back, his best attempt at staying strong for the pack.

“He will be fine. He wasn’t that wounded when we lost sight of him. He is a born fighter. He will come back. If he isn’t back by tomorrow afternoon, we will set out to find him, but I assure you he will be back by then.” Xiumin spoke, as blood trickled down the side of his lip, he stumbled and almost fell over. You rushed over to help Kai keep him up, and helped the boy carry him to his room.

As soon as you had made sure Xiumin was okay, and Kai had complete control of the situation, you darted out of the room to find your boyfriend. You had to make sure he was okay.

“Suho! Suho!” you yelled, as you searched for him, yet he was nowhere to be seen. The situation had you on edge. You were nervous, you were worried. What if he had gone to look for Kris all on his own? He would surely get into more trouble…

“He went to his room.” Replied Lay, pointing you in the direction that you knew so well yourself, already. You nodded him thank you, and ran back to your room, desperate to find your boyfriend, to make sure he was okay, to make sure he was actually back, he was actually alive.

You opened the door to your room, to find Suho standing in the middle of the bedroom, with his head hanging low, and his clothes torn and tattered, covered in mud and blood. Your breath stopped. You didn’t know how to proceed in this situation. He turned to look at you with tears rolling down his face.

You walked towards him in silence, stopping right in front of him, and stretching your hand out so you could caress his face. The moment your palm touched his skin, he dropped down on the floor, so he was kneeling in front of you, and just like a child, he held onto your legs, crying his eyes out. His whole body shook violently with every sob, his grip on you was firm.

Your heart broke, you had never seen your alpha at such a damaged state before, you had never seen him so shaken, so broken. So you let him cry, you let him get out his bottled up feelings, because you knew he needed it, and he knew he could trust you with his heart.

And when he was done crying, you knelt down infront of him, and brushed his hair out of his face, wiping the tears away with the tips of your other hand’s fingers. You smiled at him weakly, before kissing his lips over and over again, hungrily.

“It’s going to be okay.” You whispered against his lips, as he continued to kiss you, needy, desperate, with his hands tangled in your hair as he brought you closer.

Needy kisses led to a hot and heavy make-out session, which lead to love-making on the floor, with sweaty bodies slapping against each other, lips kissing every inch of skin available, teeth sinking into flesh, nails digging into his back, and heavy breaths and pants, followed by loud moans, as you both worked out your frustrations against each other, before hitting your climax.

He rolled off you, and lay down on the floor, with your head rested on his shoulder, as he traced patterns on your arm, while you both stared at the ceiling, letting your heartbeats calm down.

“I love you Y/N. Thank you for always being my rock, my source of strength, my lighthouse. It’s like I am the Moon, and you are my Sun, without you, I don’t shine. Without you, I am meaningless. Without you I lose all strength and power. I will never be able to explain how much you mean to me, and how much happier I have been ever since that day you dropped your handkerchief in the middle of the street.” He told you, holding you tighter. War had definitely made love confessions more urgent, more important, but that didn’t stop your heart from fluttering wildly once you heard his words.

“I love you too Suho, you are my soulmate, my moon, my entire universe.” You replied, reaching up and kissing his chin. He smiled.

“Marry me.” He spoke surely. You stopped breathing for a second, with your eyes open wide, before you broke into a smile.

“Yes.” You replied simply, before rolling onto him, and attacking him with kisses. Maybe you didn’t quite have a ring, maybe things were rushed, and maybe it wasn’t the best moment, but you couldn’t be any happier. You felt a bubble of happiness expand in your body, crushing your ribs from the inside, as it pushed against your lungs, making you seem to be unable to breathe from all the happiness.

But something bothered you in the back of your mind, where was Kris?

A/N: I guess it is time to admit… Kris’ wolf AU will start from this point on, so please expect that tomorrow ^^

Okay, this is my first follow forever! So hold on tight, friends bc I have a lot to type!

First I will start with my #1 baes:

urzascarlet You were the first person I became actual friends with on here and ily even tho we don’t talk as much but I know you are busy slaying with your cute hair and outfits, and I hope you have an AMAZING SENIOR YEAR BABE!! 😘

sixpathsofdick you were my second follower <3 I adore your art and you are so swaggy!

officialgodzilla WHAT?? YOU AREN’T ON THIS LIST???….. I HATE U……… Oh my god tbh you are my fave even tho you are very problematic & most likely eats ass on the daily

kishigod I LOVE YOU OMG IS THAT WEIRD TO SAY we have so much in common and I like how we can be super deep and talk about whatever. You are SO sweet and very cute!

princessp0ssum YOU WERE MY FIRST FOLLOWER I know it was bc I was stalking your blog and liking everything but I am glad we ended up talking bc you’re so down to earth and very positive and I like that about you!

peinintheass ummm bro we have these deep ass analytical conversations about stuff and we have similar taste in music and both love dogs, I think you’re so cool!

shisuithegreekgod My 3rd waifu <3 let’s see you are so gorgeous and nice and I’ve yet to get back to you on the gif thing my bad! And as soon as i learn french I will read all of your fanfics i promise!

tentailsjinchuriki my frank 😘 anD SHINO WILL BE MINE, FIGHT ME. real talk, you are a cool nerd and have made me laugh many times bro, its true

memecityactor SLAYERRRRRRRR uh you are my best bud on here and we have the same meme sense of humor! you are hecka cute too like damn and super funny as well :) WORLDS GREATEST SENPAI <3

kirschteinbemine I think I followed you bc you added something to a post and I was dying laughing omg and then you followed back and we ended up talking! (still have to make a kik oops) but ily and you’re so funny I hope any of the shitty advice I’ve given you so far has been helpful

shisuies MELISSAAAA uh we started talking bc we like dogs but you also have some nice ass hair and are incredibly funny (you are the shisui to my itachi tbh)

naegay & nawnami I’m gonna combine you guys bc you’re kind of a package deal, ya know? Both of you are ADORABLE and we had some good times playing cards omg if I ever see cross marian again

absolpx I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU and all the stuff that’s happened lately! We don’t talk but I love your blog and all the pics of deer and the memes and you have PERFECT HAIR AH & are extremely cute tbh

lildebbiethornberry i guess its I’m obligated to add you……. LOL my irl bitch uhhh lets see i known you since like 6th grade and you are an asshole but ayyyy lmao

kakashinojutsu just talked to you recently! you are super cool and TALENTED AF WTF Speaking all these languages and instruments and shit like damn wow you’re a prodigy bro

raamenboy you aren’t on here very often, but when you see this, you are SO FRCIKI CUTE OOOOMG & your naruto cosplay is A+ for everyone else reading this, please go check out their cosplay tag ;) (ps I am still jealous your bf looks like itachi)

monkishdluffy YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN NICE ILY & I wish i knew what you look like so i can TLL YOU HOW CUTE YOU ARE! but we on the same page tbh and I would let nicki suffocate me with her ass

flatscreenhades I want to make you not sad :( I hope this will make you smile a little? you are sO CUTE TOO WTF and you’re also so nice :’) ily friend

kichonasan A D O R A B L E HAIRCUT I S2G and you are hella nice and pls come talk to me any time if your friends are dissing ya interests again >:(

sharingon NEW BAE I LIKE YOU ALOT OMG we have so much in common tbh and your blog is really cool I think i consider you a senpai idk how old you are tho lol

fallowshax another new bae 😘 You are really pretty and nice wow we need to play cards again tho and come talk to your senpai anytime ;)

thecelloprincess GORGEOUS GIRL SERIOUSLY and you always compliment me :)

kabuhoes My art senpai with the tightest kabuto cosplay ;)


inklesssand CUTIE CUTIE CUTIE WIT THAT COLORED SATANIC HAIR try not to get too stressed in school bae :( and i kinda think you me and noah are like a trio…

mechanaru yeeeee you gave me a cool url B) and you’re super cool and have really nice hair!!

THOSE ARE ALL THE PEOPLE I HAVE TALKED TO THE MOST! The rest of you are all my baes tho as well and I love you all just as much <3

k–akashi yugakures danzoluvr16 youshouldreblogmyselfie official-uzumaki dr-ramen sglightning onelazyunicorn cakeshi radkashi peacelovedanes mangaartsy-daylonnn falconknightcordelia zumoku harunosakura-senpai burn-the-night summertimesasuke naruto-fo-lyfe hokageswag hyotons minitsunderemia hashi-sen (just followed you!!) idrawduckies yuki-chan-san team7reunites sexgetsu heyakirahey lucasuchia uchi-zu-maki nagitourl getting-high-from-tea shinigami-kurosaki638 leeandgai yamatoesies PREPARE FOR SAI WEEK!!