i wish i had more time cries

1. I wasn’t in love with you anymore, but god, this knocked the wind out of me.

2. You were just here.

3. You were just here.

4. Do you remember? The frozen food pressed to your shoulder, the way you shook with the knowledge of a barely avoided death?

5. My mouth. Yours.

6. I had been struggling with my old poems about you. You know, you were the first one I ever wrote. I had some questions for you, Cleveland. I suppose I don’t have them anymore.

7. It isn’t even seeing you kiss her that’s the problem. It’s that you share a table.

8. Maybe “wife” bothers me, too. I know how that word sounds, coming from you. Remember? Those long drives? Perhaps I still exist as your heart when you hit the road.

9. You still exist as mine when I hit the words.

10. I couldn’t read them aloud anymore, the poems. That old pain. It didn’t exist. We had chased it away with chocolate and cherries. Still, you occupy a shelf in the bright. In the cold .

11. You always have been impossibly careless with my heart. With my new lives, all of them.

12. There’s a Smiths song – if you were reading my texts I would send you it – it goes: and I’m not happy / and I’m not sad. I’m not sad, seeing you happy. She looks as full of light as I used to when you kissed me. I am glad for her. I know what you have to give.

13. It’s the loss of our friendship. More a removal. A reopened scar, from the last time. Remember, how we were friends? We’ve been so good at it. I can’t believe you won’t hear from me now. I couldn’t believe you wouldn’t hear from me, then. You know the words. 

14. I just wanted to wish you well. I just. I just wanted to be what I always have been. Yours, in whatever form we decide.

15. Nearly two years since we met and you still find new ways to let me down. I think it impresses me more than it wounds.

16. You told me all about her, remember? We discovered we had both loved ghosts, since the last time you cried on my couch. Do you remember? The things that we allow to haunt us take root in the end. I need to change my sheets.

17. I wonder if I am the ghost now. The woman you never had the courage to keep. Do I haunt you, darling? I can hear your voice saying yes. Feel the reach of your arms as I spin out of them, laughing. Do I echo?

18. You kissed me like you used to, the last time. You will again, the next. You always do.

19. In a poem I never got the chance to read you, I said that you exist suspended in time. In flashes of white sheets. Bathed in orange light on the Golden Gate Bridge. Spinning me around on a cold February evening. One year ago today.

20. One year ago today, you laid next to me. We cried about something that doesn’t matter anymore. It didn’t matter then, either.

21. Do you remember the words? Of that last song at what we thought was the last breakfast. You sat me on your knee.

22. Your hands shook as you held me tight. I put my lips to your ear. Do you remember? The words. Say them with me.

23. In my own sick way / I’ll always stay true to you.

—  Upon Seeing Your New Girlfriend For The First Time. Charlotte Ford.
MC Alone On Valentines Day....

[MC has entered the chatroom]

MC: OH February… OH February… The time in which love blooms and shines…

Yoosung: DATE ME.

MC: OH And how happy I’d be with a lover…

ZEN: JESUS CHRIST JUST LOVE ME.

MC: Gah… Too bad I’ll be all alone…

Jaehee: TAKE ME BB.

MC: I wish OH I wish that I had a fiancé…

Saeyoung: HERE. YOUR FIANCÉ. IS RIGHT HERE.

MC: I’m OH so lonely… So sad…. With no one to love…..

Jumin: Me. CHOOSE. ME.

MC: Looks like I’ll just spend it alone… Again… *sigh*

V: Please… Take me…

MC: No one would bother to love me anyways….

Saeran: I. WANT. YOU.

MC: WELP… Time to drown my sorrows with cheesy romance movies… BY MYSELF….

[MC has left the chatroom]

[*Yoosung cries in a corner]

[ZEN screams on a table]

[Jaehee Kang is trying to breathe]

[707 lies down and rethinks life]

[Jumin Han is pouring more wine]

[V is also sobbing in a corner]

[Saeran shoots a fucking lamp]

“Cry Followup”, or “See A Doctor! The Musical”

I got sad. A doctor recommended that I go off my anxiety meds because they might be interfering with a bunch of other health issues. I did. It wasn’t good.

I tapered off for months and dealt with the withdrawal symptoms. When they were gone, I felt ok for a few weeks. Then I was easily irritated and sometimes angry. Then weird feelings started to creep in. I guess it was just dread. Maybe it was weird to just be feeling anything after being numbed on meds for so long. I started crying watching movies sometimes or thinking about whatever the fuck. I started getting really sad. Eventually I would cry everyday, sometimes for multiple sessions. It’s strange to think back on that now that I’m safely numbed to fuck again.

My grandfather had died about 8 months earlier and I thought I had emotionally exhausted that, but now it was back and I dwelt on it constantly. I thought of dying with an urgency that I couldn’t distract myself from. I thought of everyone I knew dying. It felt like time was an illusion and it wouldn’t be long until I’m standing beside their open coffins, reflecting on how quickly time had passed and now they’re gone and I’d wasted time not spending more time with them.

Most days I’d just wake up and lie there for hours. I’d try to look at things on my phone to try to distract myself. Snapchat was fun for that. Christ, so was Miitomo. I wouldn’t get any work done. It was difficult to focus and overcome the feeling in my gut of being pulled down and the constant present terror feelings of death and knowing this whole experience will be gone some day, but before that, I’ll watch everyone I know leave too. For a long time, I don’t think I really connected that it was my absence of meds that was doing this to me. I thought maybe it was just circumstances and some kind of Holmes-Rahe scale thing where a bunch of life events happening at once were stacking and compounding my depression feelings. There was no way to win against it and this kind of thing encourages you to not to the things that will typically pull you out of a depression. It makes you want to seclude yourself more and work on further diminishing your self-worth mentally. Instead of seeing friends or doing activities you enjoy, you convince yourself that you’re a burden to them, they don’t really want to see you anyway, and that something bad is going to happen if you go out and do anything. For so many fucking days I just laid there. That makes your depression even worse; your lack of productivity frustrates you and makes you hate yourself. All that wasted time boils your living asshole. It’s a paralysis and you don’t know why you can’t break out of it. You can’t just go into the other room and sit at your computer and do your work. Brains are incredible. Just a bit of absence from a certain chemical changes everything. Of course, you tell yourself things like this, that it’s not really you and that it’s just a biological ineptitude temporarily and that everything will be fine soon enough, but that doesn’t help at all.

That’s the other thing: you don’t feel like this will ever end. This is who you are now. A fucking shrivelled terrified cryhole. I did feel terror quite a few times during all this. It usually gets you when you wake up or try to go to sleep. Everything is still and You are going to fucking die someday, sooner than you think and You have wasted every moment of your life so far blast in your mind and your heart pounds, you can barely breathe, and you might even suddenly groan as panic waves hit your brain in an instant. There’s a terror in knowing there’s no relief from this; that all of these things are true and for some reason you believed the illusion your whole life and weren’t always in the perfect terror about it that you are now. Still, you beg for that trick to come back, to be able to put this mindset away and believe in the stupid shit we tell ourselves just to keep existing in some kind of calm. All these thoughts keep assaulting you with some kind of biological urgency, like you need to figure this problem out immediately or you die. This is what being on chemicals to help your brain for years and then suddenly going off them is like. Your body doesn’t know what the fuck. It’s weird to not give a shit about any of this and then suddenly imperatively have to give a shit about it and be unable to escape it. Even now when I’m in the clear, I still feel its background noise. Maybe I always will from now on. This whole thing has been a Paul on the road to Damascus type ordeal.

I fucking cried watching the new X-Files episodes, my dude. Probably during each one. That’s what it was fucking like. Imagine being in your late ass twenties and something in the X-Files makes you cry because you think of a squandered opportunity, or what you should or shouldn’t have done as a kid, or wishing you had put more effort into certain relationships with family or friends. It just finds anything to grab onto and get you with. You just have a dragging feeling constantly present and looking for things to attach to and convince you you’re sad about. Frankly, it’s fucking annoying. I cried one time because a nintendo phone app was enthusiastic about sharing my character’s picture with others. Just the fact that someone would have an interest in who I am and treat me like a normal person and want to share something about me with other terrible avatars made me cry as I was playing this thing and trying to take a shit. It made me think about my own self-worth and how long I thought there was no reason anyone should give a fuck. Cripe, one time I was almost screaming crying about my best friend who died when we were 11. It was like a fresh wound again and I was lying facedown on my bed wailing like an asshole. Depression can fuck with you.

So, this got pretty bad and I decided I had to see my GP about it. This can become a battle in itself, because past a certain point, you are convinced you aren’t worth the effort and that you’re a burden to have to deal with, and someone else could use that time to see the doctor instead. It gives you any reason to turn yourself down. I cried right away talking to my doctor. All this is really weird to reflect on; I was an entirely different person then. It was like a frantic sadness, an inability to just hold your shit together for even a few minutes. The impending terror was really pressing; a constant urgent anxiety that something bad is going to happen really soon, or that I’m about to get a call that someone I know just died. The doctor recommended seeing a therapist and going back on meds. Now I remember that the reason I finally did something was because my neighbour’s son killed himself. Fuck, that really bothered me. Hearing about any death at all was bad enough, but I think that week I was reading about Edgar Allan Poe’s death and then Vincent Van Gogh’s, and I just got really fixated on vividly imagining their final moments. I think there were others, too. See? Just a stupid thing to waste your time on but in the moment, you think this will help for some reason. Maybe the gravity of that kind of thing hooks you and you can’t help but look into it. So when my neighbour’s son also committed suicide, that was a pretty strong blow. I hadn’t even talked to the guy in over ten years, but I couldn’t help but fixate on having seen his father maybe 3 days prior as he joked in my mom’s backyard and borrowed a ladder. Now his life was ruined and the son he struggled to try to get mental help his whole life had killed himself. He was only 37 and he had a son. I think I spent a few days of weeping out my stupid ass over this, then made the decision to see my doctor.

I started seeing my therapist and cried within 6 minutes of entering his office. I wish I went to see a talk doctor when I was recommended it as a teenager. It’s good shit. Beyond that, I started seeing my friends again. Before this, I think 2 years had passed between us spending time together. I had talked myself into feeling like they were better off without me anyway and had their own real friends and lives that I didn’t have anything to do with. I started to exercise and even just take walks around the block. Sometimes, if I was just lying awake staring at the ceiling, I’d get up and go for a run. I started being able to work on videos again and looked forward to it. Thinking back on it now, I realize I kept streaming during the whole time. That would become the only thing I’d do or look forward to for most of this stretch. SO THANKS IF YOU LOOKED AT MY TERRIBLE STREAMS DURING THIS ERA I WAS QUITE WOUNDED AND I’M HOPEFUL THAT I WASN’T TREMENDOUSLY OBVIOUS ABOUT THIS, YOU HELPED KEEP ME STABLE WATCHING ME PLAY WITH CHILDREN’S TOYS. Beyond this, I’d just sleep until the afternoon and try to find a way to kill time until the streams started. This is why there were even less videos than usual. I was sad.

So, these things helped pull me out of the shit. A lot of it is self-examination and discovering why you feel this way in the first place. I’ve talked to my therapist about whether or not this whole thing was because of being on meds for so long and then going off them and feeling a withdrawal, or if that’s who I am underneath the medication.  He said that it is probably both, but more that that’s who I am. Fuck. He categorized this as a major depressive episode. It was weird to just hear the words. That is the kind of thing that happens to people in their mid-30s in office jobs who are getting shit on by everything in their lives. I guess it can also make you feel like a diva asshole; that you feel you’re so important that you had to have this major crisis about yourself. Writing this makes me realize how stupid it is to think like this, but that’s the kind of trap you get put into. Anyway, let me emphasize how important it is to see a therapist if you are depressed. Do it. It can change everything. Also talk to a doctor and see if meds are part of your solution. See a doctor. Do not just let it go. This is like if you had cancer and you just wanted to wait it out or hoped it would get better on its own. A lot of people let it go until it’s overwhelming and consumes them completely and just kill themselves to end the pain. Don’t!

I got better. I went on meds and in just a few weeks I made a drastic improvement. Plus the therapy, and plus feeling like I was doing anything with my life again. I hear a lot about hesitation to go on meds because you feel like they may change the foundation of who you ever are. This doesn’t happen. For me, it made me feel more free to be who I felt like I really was. That said, it may numb your emotions if you are a person who typically feels a lot of things. Just talk to a doctor about any concerns you have and don’t let these build up and become reasons you don’t get help for yourself. You are worth it. The doctor isn’t angry to have to deal with you. If it will cost what you can’t afford, don’t let that become an excuse not to do it. Save up or find a way to make it work. Again, it’s like if you couldn’t afford cancer treatments so you just let it kill you instead of finding out how you can make the situation work financially. What you’re dealing with is serious! Do something about it!

I almost forgot to mention that a lot of getting better was having something to look forward to. Knowing I’d see my friends and we’d have a good time was part of it. Another was spending all of my fucking money to go to as many conventions as I could. They were something I enjoyed in the past but didn’t bother with much anymore, so I decided to get back into them. It was the best choice. Thanks for coming to drink a lot of beers and talk shit if I saw you at a PAX or TwitchCon or Magfest! They were sincerely some of the best times of my life. Knowing that it wouldn’t be long until I’d be at another convention helped a lot with otherwise feeling complete dread. The power of giving yourself something great to look forward to is really strong! Do it! Find things you like and make time for them. Reward yourself! At one point, I got into a really unbalanced lifestyle and would spend maybe 60 or 70 hours a week editing videos and I burned myself out to shit. All I would think about was the job and let my health and relationships go to shit. You’re not supposed to do that. Give yourself good things and make it a habit. Anyway, PAX East soon, my man.

When I wrote my last crypost, a lot of people responded it it. I was in a daze for the rest of that day as I heard from a mountain of individuals. A lot of you deal with issues like this and a lot of you feel hopeless about it. It’s fucked up! This is your life! You’re entitled to a good one! Doing something about it will take a lot less than you may think, and will help you in a lot more ways and probably faster than you may think. A lot of you also said since that you’ve decided to finally get help. So yeah motherfucker I had a cool cry about your messages several times. What was also helpful was anonymous tumblr questions saying they got help so others could see your experiences and know I’m not just yelling out my dick about this. Thanks! You helped people!

Ok I think I have to cut this short now, it got late and I try not to stay awake until fucking 7 AM these days. I feel like I missed a few of the main points I wanted to make but by now I think you get the point that you can feel like you are going to face total annihilation within the next few moments and still get back to normal in very little time. I almost just wrote “Hopefully talking about my own cringe-ass experience helped you with…” and so forth to end this on a light-hearted self-shitting, but that again is part of the problem. Feeling as if your issues are embarrassing, not worthy, juvenile, or to be written off as not serious is no good. I know we joke about this kind of thing to help deal with it, but don’t feel that way for real. AGAIN, YOU’RE WORTH IT. YOU’RE GOOD! YOU’RE WORTH DOING WHATEVER IT TAKES TO FEEL NOT FUCKED UP! GO! 


Go!

Special Fic Rec ❤❤

Ok so, I began this blog on December 9th, well, actually I’ve been on tumblr since 2013 (nice, old Naruto Era), yet, I consider this one the actual date of this blog birth, since it was the day I posted my first BTS Fanfiction - Sanitarium (which I still hold very dearly to my heart).

To be honest, even if writing has been one of my passions for many years, I never expected much from my own stories, especially since English killed me in more than one way (ah, it kicked my ass so hard during my high school days lol); yet, I surprisingly found an incredible amount of happiness in writing for seven lovely dorks - not to talk about the crazy, wonderful authors and friends I had the pleasure to meet here, people who helped me grow and who gave me some of the most pleasurable reading moments of my life :’)

But I was saying, I didn’t expect much from posting my fics, yet, nearly 5 months later, I reach my first mile stone. Really, I can’t believe it: 1k people are reading my fics, and supposedly they also enjoy them. It happened quite fast, in my opinion, and I also know I’ve been very lucky for many authors are amazing and still don’t have the exposure they deserve! It takes them a lot of hard work when they should really be appreciated a lot more! This is why, to celebrate this milestone (ok, compared to other authors is not that big of a number, but still I consider it an important accomplishment ;^;) I decided to do a special, big fic rec to share the talent filling this social!! 

Some of these writers are super known actually, yet others have a smaller public: they have such a fantastic way with words tho, such a breath-taking creativity, that I just needed to tag them and link their stories - hopefully, some of you will fall in love with their work too; please, if so, go send them all a lot of love, for they are not holy amazing authors but also amazing people :’)

And I’m incredibly happy to have some of them as mutuals, if not even as friends <3 <3

Keep reading

I Don't Care What They Say- Draco x Reader

A/n: warning:: there’s some slight cursing nothing too bad besides who cares I swear all the time.

He felt like an absolute idiot. He regretted everything he said to girl, he pushed his fists into his long platinum blonde hair, clenching until his scalp went sore. He leant over a bathroom sink staring at his tear stained cheeks, damming himself for being so weak all because of y/n. He replayed his words over and over again wishing he could change them, he wanted to tell her is wasn’t true.

“Draco, please I’m really trying here I just want to kno-”
“Y/n, shut the hell up! You never cared until now why do you deserve to know what’s wrong with me!” The girl stepped away from him, the tears of anger and upset burned her eyes.
“Draco, I think I-” she’d had enough of being weak, subjecting to her boyfriends will. She had enough of being in a one sided relationship. He had truly broken her.
“I want to fucking know! I don’t know about you but seeing as I have stayed with you, I have been your one and only true friend. I fucking loved you, so so much!” The tears fell freely. She. Was. Broken.

Draco stared at the furious girl in front of him.
“I don’t give a shit y/l/n, I never loved you” he seemed to say it so quietly but the words he whispered hurt more than his dismissive tone. The girl turned quickly and ran away, her hair flowing behind her…


Draco took himself off to bed, without y/n for the first time in a whole year. He didn’t sleep, he couldn’t the girl he had always called his, he wished to call her, his for as long as possible hopefully, forever but he ruined it. Deciding he knew how badly he hurt the girl, he couldn’t stand to listen to her distance cries and occasional comforting comments from Daphnie and Tracy.

Draco stormed out of the dorms thought the common room, where y/n’s sobbing had become louder. He barely made it up the stairs when he, himself broke down into tears. Draco collapsed onto the staircase Holding his head in his hands. The sleeves of his shirt had fallen down before his wrist, the open mouth of a snake peered out seeping into his skin.

He couldn’t handle it anymore he wanted nothing to do with Voldemort or in fact his father.

“Dray… I-” The looked up to be greeted by the puffy red eyes of his …ex girlfriend.
“Y/n! I’m so happy you’re here” She looked back at him as he jumped to his feet to embrace her.
“Draco, please no. You’ve hurt me enough I- Dray, have you been crying?” She looked into his grey eyes with her eyebrows furrowed, studying his features.
“Yes, I have, and it’s all because I can’t stand living with myself, knowing how much I hurt you. It’s killing me. I meant nothing that I said to you.” He stumbled over his words as they poured out of his mouth. “I love you, I always have. I love you so so so much”
She stared back at him, forcing her hands ,which he so desperately wanted to hold, through a tangle in her hair.
“You really, hurt me Dray. How do I know if I can trust you again. What you did really, really hurt. I don’t want to go through that again” her last words gave him hope you that she felt the same as him, that she wanted to stay with him forever.

“Y/n, please. I promise with all my heart that I could never hurt you ever again. If I did I would never be able to live with myself. I love you so much Princess I can’t bare to see you in pain. Especially if I’m the one who caused it.”

He pulled her into his arms and kissed her lips as gentle as possible.

“I don’t care what they say Draco, but I’m in love with you”.

-hope you enjoyed it. Please leave requests and I will get back to you as soon as possible.
Sorry for being inactive since I posted the ‘I Win’ Smut but it’s GCSE season and I have been frantically writing new Imagines this half term so hopefully I can start posting them soon.
~C

Contractions

Ignis had been reading an article in braille when he felt it. It was a sharp pain, one that radiated within his lower abdomen for just a moment before it gradually faded away. He didn’t think anything of it until it happened again twenty minutes later. Ignis pushed back his chair and poked his head out into the hallway.

“Raine, darling,” he called out, his voice echoing throughout the house. “Are you going into labour?”

Raine emerged from their bedroom, a hand on her swollen belly. She waddled over to Ignis’ study, and he could hear the sound of her overnight hospital bag being dragged across the floor.

“Yep.”

Ignis raised an eyebrow. “You seem awfully calm for a woman who is about to give birth.”

“You forget that I’ve gone through this before,” Raine noted. “When I was pregnant with Clara, I was in labour for close to seventeen hours. I’m not leaving the house until this thing is ready to come out of me.”

Ignis smirked, placing a hand on Raine’s bulging stomach. “By thing, you mean our son?”

She huffed, but placed her hands over his. “That’s all just semantics.”


It was about four hours later that Raine’s contractions were starting to get closer together, and increasingly unbearable. Ignis gritted his teeth as another one rippled through her. She’d finally conceded and they walked through the city’s streets to the hospital.

Raine was lying in the hospital bed, her forehead dotted with sweat, the hand gripping Ignis’ squeezing tight as her body prepared itself for the miracle of life.

Ignis let a groan slip past his lips. Raine instantly sat up a little higher on the bed and glared at her husband.

“Seriously?”

Ignis turned to her, looking almost sheepish. “Darling,” he began. “You do recall that because we are bonded soulmates, the pain that you experience—”

“Yeah, I know how it works,” she snapped, her voice coming out as a growl. “Except for the fact that I am the one who is going to be pushing a whole human being out from between my legs. That is a major difference.”

Ignis patted her hand gingerly, trying to calm his wife as her grip tightened again. “Now, my love, please be cognizant of the fact that—” His words fell away as another contraction crippled his speech, and Raine cried out as the pain started to overwhelm her. Ignis did his best not to make a sound, but it was fruitless.

“Ignis Stupeo Scientia, I swear to the Six,” Raine hissed as tears pricked her vision. “One more sound and I will end you.”

“One thing at a time, darling,” Ignis tried to chuckle, though he was doubled over in his seat next to Raine’s hospital bed. “Focus on the task at hand, and then we will discuss my swift and untimely demise by your hands.”

The doctor that was assisting with the birth grinned and shook her head at the bickering couple. Raine hissed as the contractions started coming closer together, a scream ripping from her throat.

“Ignis,” she panted as the doctor came over to check on her dilation. “I hate you for doing this to me.”

Ignis couldn’t help but smirk, and Raine wanted to smack him. “As I recall,” he replied, a casual lilt to his voice, “you were the aggressor nearly every time we were intimate. I will not deny my willing participation in said activities, but—”

“You know what I mean,” Raine barked, and the doctor patted her on the knee.

“You’re ready,” she said, positioning herself at the end of the bed. An assisting nurse came into the room and Raine clutched Ignis’ hand so tight that he was afraid she would rip it off. She was stronger than she looked.

“Are you ready?” Ignis asked, kissing her white knuckles.

Raine gritted her teeth. “If you make one joke about the fact that ‘we’ are having a baby, you are not getting any sex for the next six weeks.”

Ignis had to ponder for a moment, realization dawning on him. “But you’re not even allowed to engage in sexual activity for six weeks after birthing a child.”

She groaned as she braced herself, the doctor and nurse giving her encouraging words as the pain became too much. “I know,” she seethed. “Be prepared to have blue balls for the next month and a half.”

Ignis wanted to laugh, but he could feel that the baby was coming. “You’re much more crass when you’re in pain.”

“Mrs. Scientia,” the doctor placed a hand on Raine’s knee. “I need you to push on the count of three.”

The doctor counted down and Raine pushed with all her might. Ignis leaned over to rest his forehead against hers, using his free hand to wipe the sweat from her brow. He moved the stray strands of hair from her eyes as the doctor ordered her to push again.

The pain was something Ignis had never experienced before. It was something so unfamiliar, so sharp and paralyzing that he was unable to suppress his anguished moan as Raine pushed again.

He felt her hand smack his arm. “Sorry, I didn’t realize you were pushing a person out of your body too,” Raine gasped. “I wish I would have known, I’d have thrown you a baby shower.”

The doctor cut in before Ignis could reply. “I see the head! One more big push!”

Raine screamed as she pushed with all her might, and then suddenly everything was over. Ignis panted, finally free of the pain that clenched his insides, and Raine fell back against the bed. The sound of their baby’s cries filled the room, and Raine let out a tired laugh.

She gripped Ignis by the collar of his shirt and tugged him in for a kiss. It caught him by surprise, and he barely had time to reciprocate before she pulled away.

“Love you,” she mumbled. Ignis smoothed her hair back and leaned in to kiss her again.

“I’m so proud of you.” Then, he added, “Even if you did threaten me with murder quite a number of times.”

Raine laughed and placed her hand on Ignis’ cheek. “It’s all just semantics.”

After the doctor and nurse had cleaned her up, they handed over the baby, swaddled with a tiny hat on his head. His eyes were closed, and he gurgled, small coos escaping his lips as he was jostled slightly. Raine cradled him in her arms, running the back of her fingers along his soft cheek.

She moved over in the bed to make room for Ignis, who slipped off his shoes and nestled in beside her.

Raine looked up at him with a smile in her voice. “You want to hold our son?”

Ignis let out a shaky breath and gave a nod. Raine showed him how to cradle his head just so, and the moment he was in Ignis’ arms, the baby nuzzled into his chest. Ignis had never felt so much love before in his life—the love for his wife, for his child, for the family that they had created, it completely consumed him.

Raine leaned against his shoulder, smoothing the blanket, her eyes growing tired from exhaustion.

“He looks like you,” she murmured, placing a kiss along Ignis’ jaw. “The little man is going to be a heartbreaker someday.”

Ignis chuckled as Raine cuddled against his side. “Only if he is as fierce and brave as his mother.”

Raine smiled at that and closed her eyes. It wasn’t long before she fell asleep, and Ignis found himself revelling in the sound of her steady breathing, rising in falling in tandem with his son’s. He let a tear slip from the corner of his unscarred eye, unable to keep his emotions at bay.

Ignis let himself drift off as well, leaning against Raine as the baby burrowed against his chest. The darkness still loomed outside, the chaos in beyond the city’s borders raging in the eternal night.

But within the four walls of that hospital room, with his child in his arms and his wife at his side, Ignis had never felt more at peace. He allowed himself a moment of quiet with his family, wondering how he’d ever become the luckiest man in Eos.

A letter to Terry Pratchett

alright, how to do this. Since i was 12 my favorite author has always been Terry Pratchett. His Tiffany Aching series shaped who i am today, and i hold his writing above all other writing. i always fantasized about meeting him and telling him how much his writing meant to me and how grateful i was. And then he died the day before my 17th birthday. and god, i wept. i completely broke down. it took me a while to recover, and even longer to find the words, but i wrote him this letter, and i thought i’d put it by the terry pratchett memorial next time i came to london (i live in denmark), but by the time i came the memorial had been painted over. and so this letter has been sitting in my documents folder for a long time, and i feel like that iis wrong. i need to put it out there somewhere in the world - even if its just for closure. i watched the BBC documentary ‘back in black’ recently and i got the idea to publish the letter here, so i may live to regret this but here it comes; my badly written, far too long letter to a man who will never read it:


Dear Sir Terry Pratchett,

I don’t really know why I’m writing this letter. As things are, you’ll never read it, and even if you could, I don’t know if I’d dare give it to you. Or if I’d even dare approach you. You see (and you’ll probably disagree/dislike me for this/get miffed about this), you rank frighteningly high on my list of natural forces, my hierarchy of deities. You probably wouldn’t like that, rather a rising ape than a fallen angel, but that is how it is. I believe in a god, but you are closer to him in my accounts than you will ever be to me. Maybe that’s wrong, don’t put your heroes on pedestals and whatnot, but I don’t think I can stop it now. It’s just how it is. So I don’t really know why I’m writing this letter, or if anyone will ever read it, but I think I needed to do it. Get out all the things I will never get a chance to tell you. Very human, isn’t it?

Keep reading

No Air

Summary: Set directly before Swan Song, the reader and Sam celebrate his birthday, one more time. 
Pairing: Sam x Reader
Words: 990
Warnings: The expected sad moments that would surround the events of Swan Song. 
Challenge: @impalaimagining‘s 3K Follower Celebration/Sam Winchester Birthday Celebration. My prompt was No Air by Jordin Sparks & Chris Brown.

Your name: submit What is this?

Keep reading

when cutting onions:

-noct cries and complains about the fact that he’s crying
-prompto cries onto the actual onion
-gladio tears up and asks iggy why he’s doing this when literally anyone else could instead
-iggy doesn’t tear up because he’s a fucking beast

anonymous asked:

How will the boys react when they find out s/o is made into l'Cie against their will; s/o then completes Focus and turned into crystal stasis (without the boys knowing what that Focus is)? (FFXIII AU I hope you don't mind! You don't have to answer this if you didn't play it yet)

I had to do quite a bit of research for this one, since I’m really only a fan of 15, but I think I got the gist of it…I think….(spoilers of end game, and DLC) ٩(•̤̀ᵕ•̤́๑)ᵒᵏᵎᵎᵎᵎ

Noctis

A scream, Noctis’ scream! That was the last thing you heard, before you own painful wail. Watching with tears in your eyes, as your body slowly became crystal. You had lost Noctis’ to the kingdoms crystal, and yourself had complete your  l’Cie Focus.

Only to feel everything crash around you, your body hurt, but you were alive! How! Noctis was your Focus by the gods, how did you…You only realized what was happening as you glanced up, Noctis was holding you safely in his arms, yet he looked so much older.

“Y/n?” A call echoed around you, as you glanced around, Ignis, Gladiolus, Prompto, all of them! They were all safe, but so much older.

“What happened?” You inquired, as you sat up in Noctis’ embrace, noticing you were all at at campsite.

“That’s what we’d like to know.” Gladiolus replied. “After Noct was sucked into that crystal, you were turned into a crystal yourself.”

You froze, your job wasn’t done yet, moving your hair from the side of your neck, you showed a gem in the shape of a crown, hidden behind your ear, the l’Cie’s mark not just underneath. “I am a l’Cie, my Focus, my job is to lead the Final King to his throne.”

“I’m sorry what?” Prompto called, “What’s a La cry?”

You moved from Noctis’ arms, “A l’Cie is a person that had a need to fulfill, mine is to see Noctis to the throne.”

“Can’t you just ignore it?” Noctis asked, as you shook your head. “What happens after you fulfill this purpose?”

You looked up tears in your eyes, “I don’t know, it’s the gods plan, Noctis I had no idea that it would be you.”

Noctis, placed his forehead against your own staring you in the eye, “We’ll find out together.”

You couldn’t help but cry, you knew what would happen after the Final king was lead to his throne, yet you couldn’t bare to think about it again. All within your crystal cocoon, you dreamt of your adventures with Noctis, you just couldn’t bare to think of placing that burden on the man.

*

“Come to me!” Noctis called.

You tried to be brave as you watched the man you loved sit upon a throne that was rightfully his. You tried to stop the tears as you watched the astral appear before him, yet they came as you watched him be ran through.

You powered through your tears, you powered through your body slowly becoming crystal. Each footstep getting heavier as you ascended the stairs to be at Noctis’ side. You cursed whatever god lead you to this horrid ending, you cursed yourself for falling in love with this man, and having him fall in love with you in return.

Your body collapsed onto the throne, turning the man’s head to yourself, those blue eyes never to show you that bright light again. Cradling his face in your hands, you pulled him close to give him one more kiss, only to be denied that, as you were both engulfed in your crystal status, your lips barely ghosting across his.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Prompto

“I don’t want this, I don’t want this, I don’t want this.” You muttered repeatedly, your heart hurt so bad as you scratched at your L’Cie brand on your wrist. You weren’t even certain of just how long that you’d be able to stay. Your focus was to help Prompto with Noctis. He was one of the choosen to set the King to his throne.

When Ardyn had forced Noctis into the crystal, and you didn’t turn into crystal, you had to admit you were happy, the gods couldn’t use you, but the grief all of you felt at missing such a key part of your group was too much to bare. Those ten years in the darkness, they were to come to an end, because Noctis was back.

Yet that also meant so was your time with Prompto.

“Y/N, what’s wrong?” Prompto asked, you had requested he meet you alone for just a few moment, prior to the start of the final battle.

You turned, embracing the man tightly, your face buried in his chest as you cried, “I love you so much Prompto.”

“Sweetie,”

“Thank you for loving me, thank you for being with me, thank you for making me yours, and yours alone.” You cried, all your words coming out. “I…I didn’t want this, I want our lives to be long, and happy.”

Prompto’s arms embraced you tightly, “What’s wrong?”

You pulled back, fishing in the front of your shirt to pull out your crystal within the shape of a gun, “I, I’m a L’Cie?’

“You’re talking like you’re some kind of mystical creature.”

“Prompto, I won’t be able to join you on your final mission, I won’t even last the night.” You cried, as you forced the gold gun like stone into his hand. “Please, Prompto, live a happy life.”

Prompto gather you in his arms, as he held you close, “I don’t know what’s going on, but is there a way to stop this?”

You shook your head, “I don’t…no…” You cry not wanting to hold onto the hope that there was some way. “Please Prompto, please just hold me, until it stops.”

Prompto nodded, he had just gotten his best friend back, now to lose you too. The man cried, as he held you tightly to his chest, he cried as your body became stiff, and he cried as a wall of crystal formed between you two.

~~~~~

Gladiolus

Gladiolus sat within his folding chair at the campsite, he was suppose to be happy, he was suppose to be more powerful, but he couldn’t stop this. He couldn’t stop this “Focus”, this curse that happened to you.

A note clinched tightly in his hand, your final words to him, all because he completed that trail.

My strong Gladiolus,

I had wish that I had told you this sooner, I will not be with you long. By the time you return I will be gone, my job, my focus done. I am a L’Cie, I explained it to Ignis, he’ll be able to fill you in.

Please don’t get mad, I know that you’re upset right now, yet I need you to be strong. Not for me, but for the boys, and for Noct, and Iris.

Oh Iris, tell her I’m sorry, I won’t be able to make it to her graduation. I know she’s going to grow up to be a wonderful woman, because she has a big brother like you.

Gladiolus, I love you so very much, and maybe if the gods see fit, maybe we can be together again. Maybe we can have that happy ending. You are so very strong My Shield, please protect your sister and your brothers. Please don’t ever think that I’m not dreaming of you, or that my heart could ever beat so strongly for anyone else.

I love you, Gladiolus Amicitia!

Gladiolus wasn’t sure of how many times he had read the last note you left him. Yet he knew that after he dealt with this Ardyn character he would find a way to bring you back.

“I promise, babe.”

~~~~~~

Ignis

“Ignis, my love.” You cooed, he was a little worse for the wear, but that was to be expected, you all had just finished the largest fight of your life for all of Eros.

Ignis turned his blind eyes to you, reaching out as he cupped your face. “How are you faring, my dear?”

You smiled softly, you had managed to divert the gods plans slightly, by making certain of Noctis survival, but still you would not be able to fix what followed. “I have, had better days. Are you hungry?”

“Y/N, you have been acting strange, since the end of the fight,” He stated. “Are you injured?”

You glanced at the horizon, seeing the sky turning to a soft purple, you didn’t have long, “Ignis it’s too much to explain at this point and our time is growing very short. My love, thank you for making me such a proud wife. I could not have wished for anything better.”

Ignis made to respond, only to stop as he felt you press your lips against his. The man wrapped his arms around you, holding you tight as you trembled in the kiss. Breaking the kiss Ignis removed his glasses, that single eye staring down at you.

“My heart, I do not know as to what circumstances are to pull us apart, but let it be known, I will fight gods for you.”

You couldn’t find your words as you looked to the man you called husband, everything he promised always came true. “I love you, my husband.”

Ignis pulled you into another kiss, “I love you, my wife, please understand that I will not be too long.”

“I will be waiting.” You smiled, stepping away.

Ignis hands reached out, his blind eye was only able to see movements and your silhouette was moving out of his vision. He instead felt your arms, as they slowly dragged down his, your fingertips ghosting over each other, before he felt nothing.

“I love you.” You cried, before becoming silent.

Ignis stepped forward, as his hand touched a large piece of crystal, he felt he could almost make out your body within the center, resting his forehead against the crystal, Ignis allowed himself to weep as the sun rose over Eros for the first time in 10 years.


“I love you too.”

japan was awesome

back and forth between tokyo, hakone, kyoto, osaka, naoshima and nara over the last 16 days with mitchell and his family and i am SO TIRED but i had such a good time!!!!!!

highlights:

  • eating okonomiyaki and shopping around shinsaibashi in osaka was probably my favorite day of the whole trip honestly
  • daikanyama t-site in tokyo was really cool bookstore and beautiful inside
  • hakone in general is remote and beautiful but getting to our ryokan was fucking difficult
  • i love the bullet trains they are so casually luxurious and having the unlimited JR train pass was great and next time i would map shit out better and go to way more cities and truly get my $400 worth (though we probably took $700 worth of trains without trying)
  • family mart is so good i wish we could just pop into convenience stores here that sold muji products and solid onigiri and didn’t smell like nasty 7/11 pizza
  • we just like, didn’t go to shimokitazawa, a few hours around akihabara and only spent an evening around harajuku looking for vintage clothes so maybe i fucked up but whatever??? we spent most of our tokyo time around asakusa because mitchell’s mom booked that hotel and confused a recommendation but i really liked it because we were near a super old amusement park and the huge shrine and a big cluster of shopping, food and other attractions and it was super walkable and not as crazy as our first three days in shibuya which like, are fine but how many times can you cross the street even???? but yeah i feel like we probably just barely even slightly began to scratch the surface on tokyo and there is so much more to see and we can never see it and i mean i’ve never even been to staten island so…
  • japanese carnival/street food like takoyaki and potato spiral and mochi, which we ate at a festival near sensoji temple and ueno park in tokyo and nishiki market in kyoto
  • fushimi inari is obvious you gotta go walk all those gates and take selfies with everyone else its a long way to the top 
  • we went to nara for just like 4 hours so we could feed deer in the street and honestly it was worth it
  • naoshima for art stuff, i wish we had more time there, the teshima art museum was the most beautiful art i have ever seen in my entire life i almost cried and it was worth the $20 admission though i’d have liked to spend longer there
  • just eating so much stuff including all the amazing snacks that MUJI sells i mean muji is just great sorry i’m basic!!!!!
  • BAL mall in kyoto is like a luxury mall that pipes in hawaiian music and has a tomorrowland and a muji cafe and the nicest public toilets i’ve ever used in my life and probably ever will
  • god did i mention eating i mean just eating so much stuff and its not like we dont have ippudo ramen or conveyer belt sushi or anything else in new york but it was all way better and cheaper there 
  • tsukiji fish market was fine i guess if you don’t go in the morning when fish sales are happening then you’re kind of just buying food from the nearby businesses which isn’t so different from just going to anywhere else designed for tourists to buy tons of snack foods and packaged gift desserts
  • bento boxes in the train stations so good so easy i love all the theme ones lol
  • every coffee i drank was pretty much garbage except for a few trendy ass brooklyn/portland/whatever looking places but all the vending machine coffee was kinda shitty which is so weird to me considering japan does such great packaged foods and all the vending machines serve hot coffee and are EVERYWHERE so why wouldn’t you get it right??? milk tea was great though so i switched over
  • i don’t really go out at night so we didn’t do any big clubs but we had a drink at JBS where an older bartender plays from his massive record collection in a small room and you gotta be respectful and every drink whether it’s a glass of whiskey or a bottle of coke is $5
  • the subways are fucking confusing but once you get the hang of it they are just so efficient and on time and we went all over the place but yeah coming from new york i figured i was gonna be fine but nope it’s fucking confusing there are so many independently operated ones 
  • i hit my head on low doorways so many times i can’t even count i mean literally over a dozen times including one really nasty smack that everyone heard and rattled my fucking teeth

ok that’s it japan is very cool! i didn’t really buy anything even though we shopped so much at so many cool stores and brands like issey and yohji and dover street in ginza, kind of just bought some magnets and pins and snacks, shopping for clothes as a size large/XL was pretty impossible so i just gave up.

Bold What Applies to You

Basics

I am male I am female I am neither male or female I am under the age of 18 I am 18 or older I am straight I am gay or lesbian I am bisexual or pansexual I am trans

Friendship

I have two or more friends I have one friend I have no friends I have/had a best friend I am close with my friend(s) I spend a lot of time with friends I have a crush on a friend I hate a friend I wish I had fewer friends I wish I had more friends

Relationships

I am single I am in a relationship I am married I am a virgin I often date I prefer to date extroverted people I prefer to date people who are like me I prefer to date people who are unlike me I take relationships very seriously I have high standards I date people who are overweight I date people who are skinny

Negativity

I have/had depression I have cried myself to sleep I have/had anxiety I am often lonely I keep a lot of emotions inside I am scared of talking to people I want to talk more to I have an eating disorder I have low self-esteem I often feel I embarrass myself I have been abused I feel people consider me dumb or don’t take me seriously I am quickly jealous I feel people want me to be someone/something I’m not I have been sexually assaulted I have experienced discrimination/racism

Positivity

I have become a better person I have gotten out of a bad period of time I am confident I am looking forward to something I have enjoyed myself over the past week I have met a famous person I consider myself a kindhearted person I am currently feeling relaxed and comfortable I appreciate the little things in life I have nobody in my life whom I hate I have achieved something large this year I am part of a religion that brings me peace I have lost a lot of weight I have a movie/game/song which cheers me up

I…

…get scared from watching horror movies …play a sport …read a lot of books …have allergies …feel shy around the opposite gender …am a feminist …believe in love at first sight own an instrument …can draw …am listening to music right now …value romance and friendship equally …have sneaked out of the house …am outgoing …respect people’s comfort zones and personal space …am deaf …spend money on a daily basis …want to write a book …can ride a horse …am asexual …put my hands over my face when I’m flattered …like the colors pink and yellow …own an xbox …shop at least once a week …have a drivers license …drink alcoholic beverages …would like a friend of the opposite gender …get scared by unsettling imagery and screamers …eat fast food at least twice a week

Likes and Dislikes

I like parties I dislike parties I like perfume I dislike perfume I like “so bad it’s good” movies I dislike “so bad it’s good movies” I like playing video games I dislike playing video games I dislike chocolate I like having a busy schedule I dislike having a busy schedule I like laughing at my own jokes I dislike laughing at my own jokes I like compliments I dislike compliments I like heavy metal music I dislike heavy metal music I like snow I dislike snow I like taking walks with someone I dislike taking walks with someone I like people who aren’t very talkative I dislike people who aren’t very talkative

sometimes i just feel really proud when i think of spn’s cast and crew, bc everyone is so dedicated in what they do and so inspiring ??? and at the same time the fans are also dedicated and inspiring and i just !!!  

2

A million circumstances had to occur for you to exist and every passing moment is a new possibility for a new adventure. If you are currently sad, don’t worry as things are more likely to get better than worse! School doesn’t last forever and circumstances can change in an incredible way over the course of a year. Don’t trust squirrels. Drink lots of water. Ask lots of questions. Keep good friends close. Don’t race a giraffe. It’s been great chatting with you. I wish I had more time. I’m going to return to sitting quietly now. Thanks for listening.”  [source][x]

text meme 1/∞

i’ve been collecting funny/cute texts & texts from texts from last night for about 2 years. they’ve been sitting in a word document for a long time so with all the text memes i’ve been seeing around, i decided to take all the texts i’ve saved and make a meme with them bc why not. there’s a bit of everything bellow: fluff, silliness, nsfw, angst, etc etc

[text] Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late

[text] I miss you more than I should.

[text] She’s/you’re the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity. 

[text] I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don’t regret it.

[text] you hella high and freaked out about life and interest rates

[text] I love it when you moan my name.

[text] I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.

[text] JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK

[text] Let’s go get coffee and handcuffs.

[text] I thought you were better than this. 

[text] Please stop calling.

[text] Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I’d say the sex was good

[text] I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy

[text] I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.

[text] 75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.

[text] You think you’re funny, but you’re just an asshole.

[text] I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels

[text] I wish things were different.

[text] We should probably end this.

[text] I don’t say it often enough, but I want you to know that I love you.

[text] Please let me know what I did to deserve you…I want to make sure I keep on doing it. 

[text] I told you I’d ride your broomstick if you let me call you Harry Potter and you drew a lightning bolt on your forehead.

[text] I’m still laying in bed cuz I don’t feel like adulting yet

[text] I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.

[text] What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I’d be a trophy wife! Get it?

[text] I’m sorry for everything.

[text] I just want to have sex that doesn’t end like a B-rated horror movie.

[text] Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I’m not sure she gets me anymore. 

[text] I never should have left you there.

[text] I don’t have patience for riddles.

[text] You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.

[text] Dunno. My heart says “no”, my brain says “maybe” and my dick says “YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!”

[text] We had sex and he ended up in the hospital… don’t know if I should be worried or proud.

[text] Just tell me what’s wrong !

[text] let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole

[text] I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.

[text] … so it’s a date ?

[text] Can I come by?

[text] I thought we were ok ?

[text] I want you to meet my squirrel

[text] If blow jobs were a super power she’d be in the Justice League.

[text] Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can’t decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking 

[text]  I can’t imagine life without you.

[text]  Can’t wait to see you again.

[text]  just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life

[text] I should have told you first, I’m sorry.

[text] I’m sorry ! I don’t know what else to tell you !

[text] You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you  

[text] We are not together any more, remember ?

[text] why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room?? 

[text]  did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen? 

[text] Maybe we’ll see each other again.

[text] if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he’d think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid

[text] I never thought we’d end up like this.

[text] Why do you keep doing this to me ?

[text] I’m so tired of your lies.

[tex] Why are you so angry ?

[text] I thought you were coming alone…. ?

[text] I should get him/you a card “thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication”

[text] I don’t understand…

[text] If I had a penis, I’d want to put it in you. And I’d treat you with respect and pay for your drinks. 

[text] You had to apologize for “being too aggressive about harry potter”

[text] We can work this out.

[text]  We have a system, okay?

[text] I don’t have time to shower before my passport photos…your cum is all over my hair…that’s with me for 10 years now 

[text] I know you’re on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven’t been spanked in years so if you’re still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it. 

[text] I know you’ve been lying to me.

[text] You need to leave. Now !

[text] i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning 

[text] You’re so easy to be with and so hard to be without.

[text] Every morning I wake up with a sad face because I know it is the start of one more day without you.

[text] Everyone leaves.

[text] I don’t know how you put up with me. 

[text] I just fell off a roof. So I’m kinda chillin for a minute. 

[text] Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour

[text] I’m 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas

[text] please don’t leave me alone

[text] You cried at the bar for 30 minutes because you got your arm stuck in your sweater. You got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped you.  

[text] I wish we had more time.

[text] shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick

[text] I miss you every day.

[text] Please please pick up

[text] Why are my keys in the refrigerator?  

[text] I’m out of practice. be my yoda  

[text] Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn’t know where he is.

[text] Do you think it’ll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I’ve slept with both the bride and the groom?

[text] Someone said we’re out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying ‘but where will all the polar bears live”. That drunk.

[text] I’d just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.

[text] You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. “Look I’m Harry Potter.”

[text] This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.

[text] If u ever apologize to me for “too-rough” sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely

[text] Mom just told me I need to start having sex.

[text] I’d help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I’m still drunk

[text] YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don’t think she’s going to call you.

[text] And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever… And I’ve seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo’s David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.

[text] She’s/you are the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.

[text] It’s not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm. 

[text] I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.

[text] We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds

[text] She said she couldn’t find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis 

[text] Stop making me think about you. I’m busy. 

[text] I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You’re welcome.

[text] You make me want to be better.

[text] You saw my boobs then looked up and yelled thank you jesus.

REQUESTED:

  1. Hey. I’ve hit a rough patch I’m my life and was wondering if you could do an credencexreader imagine for me. Like one of them is leaving the other and the other begs them not to go.(crying included because I like to put myself in pain) They could be moving or just leaving the friendship or something. Long story short they stay and fluff. Thanks❤
  2. Can I make a request?? I’ve been listening Close To You - Rihanna and it’s such a heart-melting song. Maybe a story that’s inspired by it, but not actually mentioned like your other song requested story?

Warnings: Sad???? But it ends up Okay.

Word Count: 1,350

A/N: lowkey cried a lil writing this bc it hit kinda Close to Home, but i hope this is okay!!


You couldn’t believe this. Everything was acutely painful. Nothing made sense. You had been living with Credence for two years now, and you knew it was hard sometimes, that bad nights came often and that his self-esteem was still rather dismal… But you hadn’t expected this, hadn’t expected a suitcase by your front door, hadn’t expected Credence to be sitting on the couch, waiting to tell you he was leaving. You had been confused when you saw him, looking so crestfallen as he curled into himself where he sat and even more so when he looked to you and that sadness magnified. It had been an abrupt, hushed confession, hardly above a whisper when you sat close to him on the couch, where he was perched carefully, folded in tightly against himself. “I’m…going. I have to leave. I…can’t. Not anymore.” His hands twisted together in his lap.

You just sat, shock rolling over you in waves, numbing you for a brief few seconds before everything was heightened. You had no warning for this and were absolutely unprepared to handle it. “W-What? Credence, I…don’t understand. W-Where are you going?” Your voice was almost monotone, but with an underlying sense of panic, still thawing.

“Newt said…he’ll have me. He and Tina and Queenie. I can’t.” His voice was still so quiet, and you couldn’t understand, which left you slow to react. He stood carefully, approaching his suitcase by the door, curling a hand definitively around it. You stared after him, tears pooling uncomfortably in your eyes before growing so large that they fell over; you couldn’t even raise a hand to wipe them away, could only stand on shaky legs, gripping at the couch for support. You watched Credence turn back to you slowly, tears filling his own eyes, making them glassy, shining brightly behind the film of tears. “I’m…sorry.” The words felt lame on his tongue, but he couldn’t find a way to tell you the truth. He couldn’t tell you that he just couldn’t feel it, couldn’t understand your love for him, couldn’t process it properly, no matter how his affections grew for you over the years. He just couldn’t…heal himself. Not in the way you deserved. He just couldn’t watch you from far away anymore, and he certainly couldn’t handle knowing that you deserved better anymore. He just couldn’t.

He also couldn’t seem to pry himself away from looking at you, looking as if you could hardly stand and crying, looking at him like you were actually losing something. It hurt him to have caused this, but… His resolve was firm, and he felt that, truly, this was the right thing to do, the answer to his problem, no matter how much it hurt. He was still looking at you, tightening his grip on the suitcase, when he saw something in you snap, fiercely.

“You can’t look at me like that if you’re just going to leave, Credence!” You couldn’t help the rising and breaking of your voice, the way the words ripped from your throat so angrily.

Credence staggered back a step, dropping his suitcase—the anger came on so suddenly, and he wasn’t sure what to do. “Y/N, I—”

His voice was still so quiet, and it really hurt you how calm he still seemed to be but that he was still looking at you with so much care and consideration but—He was leaving. “It’s like—It’s like—You’re always expecting me to let you go, Credence.” Credence couldn’t help the tear that fell against his will at how hurt you sounded by that, and you didn’t miss it. “Credence…” Your voice faltered pathetically, and you couldn’t help the pleading in it, the love, everything you had ever felt for him dripping into your voice as the anger faded to loss, misery, fear, hopelessness at the sight of him prepared to walk out the front door forever. “I know…you don’t need me. I know that… I know that you can take care of yourself and that you’re stronger than I can possibly understand. In mind and body. You’re so strong. But you’re also… You isolate yourself, you cut me out, you don’t want anyone to…see. You don’t want anyone to see you. But I see you. And you don’t want to admit it, don’t want to… You don’t want me to be too close because you think I’m… Because you expect me to leave you. But I didn’t care. I knew I wouldn’t leave. Because all I’ve been able to do for the past three years, even living here with you these last two, is love you. Maybe from a distance, because that’s where you want to keep me, but… Your fear has you running from me. And…if that’s what you need, fine. Fine. I get it. But remember you’re the one that let go, not me. Don’t ever blame me.”

Credence knew his eyes were wide, glassy still, and that he was crying. Real tears now that rivaled yours in nature. He knew he had to speak or leave forever, but he was wavering on which was right, which would be the better for you. His voice came out raspy when he decided to use it, quiet but not as reserved as usual. “I…don’t know how to…accept it. I don’t know how to make this work. I don’t know how to be…what you deserve.”

A cracked sob forced its way from you, and you didn’t really have the control to be embarrassed by it. “Goddamn it, Credence, what I’m telling you is that you are already enough—you’re what I deserve. You’re enough as you are. We’re learning, and I know that things are bad sometimes, but… Credence, it’s always going to be you. Don’t ever think otherwise. You’re all I want in this life.”

Credence couldn’t look at you anymore, the passion in your voice affecting him more than he knew what to do with, and averted his eyes to the floor directly under him. “I can’t…understand that. I want to. I really want to.” He sounded pleading now, desperate. He finally looked up to you after a minute of silence. “I’m just so afraid…to lose you. I can’t handle…something like that…again.” Again, looking away. “I can’t.”

You took a cautious step forward on wobbling legs, fatigue and sadness washing over you but just needing to be closer to him. “You won’t. Credence, you won’t.” You usually refrained from making promises like those, but… This wasn’t empty. You knew Credence, understood his pain and his compassion, and knew that you would always want him, would always love him. “I love you, from wherever you need me to.”

Credence lifted his eyes, tears still falling from them and collecting on his shoes, where he had been looking. “I just need…” You waited while he floundered silently for words. “I just need to feel it. I want to feel it.”

You couldn’t help springing forward any more than Credence could help the way his arms opened to you as he drew you against him or the sob that overtook him as he finally indulged in this new pain, this acknowledgement that he didn’t understand how to properly navigate emotion. You each clung to each other, gripping with clawing hands to the other, finally indulging the unspoken problem between the two of you. Both of you repeatedly cried apologies, wishes that you had been more vocal, promises to be more honest, and just words of reassurance. When things finally seemed to still and the embrace decreased in intensity and the tears lessened, Credence took a deep, shaking breath before saying, “I want to stay. I just… I need patience, and I need…help.”

You clutched him impossibly closer to you and answered, “Of course. I’m always here for you, Credence. We’ll be more honest, and we’ll figure this out. We’ll be okay. I love you.”

For a brief second, Credence thought he could really understand this time around and felt hope blooming somewhere inside his chest, warming him for the gentlest of moments. “I love you too.”


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Prepare for feels:

I’m gonna share a story about what happened the other day. It’s a bit of a long story but totally worth it, I promise:
So, I work at GameStop. It’s pretty awesome; I love it a lot. Anywhos, it was super dead that day and as I’m filing some games that were traded in, this kid comes in on his own, just a HUGE smile on his face and he just very proudly goes, “Hi, there! It’s my birthday today!!” And then he holds up this handful of money, “I got money from my dad, my grandma, and her landlord and I’m gonna buy me a game!” Like, this kid was so excited and so cute, so I smile and go, “Happy birthday! How old are you today?” And he puffs out his chest and goes, “I’m 12 today, ma’am.” So I laugh and tell him that if he needs help, just to let me know. He was a super sweet and polite kid and thanked me and went on his way. I go into the back to get some cases and when I come out, he’s waiting by the door and holding a copy of Dragon Age: Inquisition. He goes, “Have you heard about this game? Is it like the other Dragon Age games?” So, I tell him a little bit about it and tell him that it is rated M, though, so he needs his parent or guardian in with him. He says that’s no problem, he has someone in the car he can get but we get to talking about the game and the other stuff that Bioware has put out. I ask him about Mass Effect and the other games and he winds up saying to me, “Yeah, I like these kids of games because I can make my character gay. I think I might be gay but I don’t know yet. I like it because I can play around without anyone beating me up or picking on me!” And my brain just kind of broke. He said that so cheerily, like it was nothing but I could tell. I could see that he meant it and I just kind of gently asked, “People pick on you?” And he just goes, “Yeah, all the time but it’s just because I’m different. My dad’s gonna get me to a new school and things are gonna be better!” This kid was just so upbeat and polite and cheerful–just a sweetheart–and it just broke my heart that he was being picked on. I was really bullied extensively growing up so I know what that’s all about; I hated that this sweet thing was going through that, too… We talked for a while longer until some more customers came in and I had to see to them. As I was finishing up with them, he came up and asked if he could go to the car and get his grandmother so he could get his game. I told him sure and I’d have his games all ready for him. As soon as he and the other customers left, I sprinted to the back room. We had a lot of old pre-order bonuses in the back that people hadn’t picked up–things like stickers, Lego figures, little things like that. I grabbed any and everything that I thought would appeal to a 12-year old boy and grabbed a bag and brought them all out to the counter. I was going to stick everything in the bag and just give it to him but he came back in before I had the chance. He said, cheery as ever, “I’m back!” And I say, “Welcome back! I have some stuff for you, if you’d like it!” and he looked at the big pile of things I had pulled out. “Cool!” he went, “I get to pick something from this?” I said, “No, you can have it all!” He said, “How much?” “It’s free! Just for you, because it’s your birthday today!” The kid’s face just froze in a look of shock. I also told him that I had an almost brand-new copy of the game for him (he picked up a pre-owned one) and I also had an extra code for some DLC content that someone didn’t want. I gave it all to him and while I was telling him all this, he was just silent, just staring, open-mouthed. When I finished, he stared at me for a bit more and then one tear rolled down his cheek followed by another and he just laughed and jumped. He was so happy that he was crying. He goes, “WOW!!! This is the most I’ve ever gotten for my birthday!!! You’re the nicest store clerk I’ve ever, ever had! Wow!! Wow!!!!” He just went on and on and on. His grandmother in the background was just beaming. As he left, he thanked me more times than I could count. Over and over. I was just floored. And it took me a second to recover but, when I did, I just sat down and cried. I wish the best for that little boy, I really, really, really, really do. He absolutely deserves it.

For Real Though...

I wish I had time to reply to all the messages, reblogs, replies and comments on Long, Lean, and Lethal.  Y’all have been so great and wonderful and I. Can’t. Even. Just know that I have laughed, smiled, and almost cried (I’m emotional, it’s normal) at all the wonderful kindness. Know that I received and read each and every one and I love you all for it! I wish I could send an individual thank you to everyone who liked and commented but there’s just TOO MANY and my heart is so full! 

Originally posted by scampthecorgi

xoxo, me 

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