i wish i had done better on the hands

“Not only are there no happy endings…There aren’t even any endings.”

Every time I read American Gods by Neil Gaiman, I find more things to adore about this novel. I read it this time while traveling across the United States, and I have to say, something about reading this book in transit just makes sense. It makes even more sense reading it while soaring over America itself, gazing down on fields and hills, a New Jersey import who lives in Chicago, went to LA a week or so ago, and just left Florida. There is something so intensely American about this novel, and it wows me every time. From the smaller mythic chapters telling folk tales and stories of the people who brought their gods to America, to the gods themselves and their characters, this novel always gets me. This was my third time reading this novel, and I’m going to dig deep to highlight new things that I had forgotten, so solid warning: Spoilers ahead.

I will never get over the way that Neil Gaiman melds together the idea of the gods and the land, and gives them both their own power and will. Something that wows me that I often forget about the standalone is now astoundingly diverse it is without being appropriative, and how Gaiman incorporates so many cultures, a diverse range of characters, as well as a huge amount of humor without it becoming problematic. I think this novel could be a guidebook for authors who want to know how to write diverse stories and mythos respectfully. I forgot about so many fantastic characters that Gaiman pours himself into, from Samantha Black Crow to side characters that brim with energy and character themselves, like Whiskey Jack’s son or Bilquis. I also never noticed before the two mentions of Mr. Nancy’s son that point to Anansi Boys. Not to mention the wealth of research and knowledge that goes into the bottomless well of background characters and visions leading up to the battle. 

One thing I gained a new appreciation for in this novel was the character of Shadow. He is big, and not dumb, and I remembered all that, but what I forgot is how nice he is. Shadow’s such a cinnamon roll of a character, and I forget that. He stands up for a waitress and believes in the good of people. At the Lakeside library book sale, he tries to find the book that’s least likely to be purchased, so that he can help the library out by buying it. He performs coin tricks for children. He is obligated to hold Odin’s vigil, but he never questions whether he should also hold Mad Sweeney’s. As Laura speaks with the cutting, too-open words of the already-dead, Shadow still refuses to tell her about her appearance or to not hold her hand, because he doesn’t want to hurt her still. When Shadow picks up bodies with the coroners, he carries them always in his arms. 

The scene between Shadow and Odin before his death is one of my absolute favorites (other favorite scenes include Samantha Black Crow’s protest kiss, the scene in which Shadow thinks snow into being, and Shadow’s long death scene). Odin recites to Shadow what he knows—the charms, in a long list. And it ends with that long scene where Shadow wonders what would have happened if he touched Odin’s hand, and wishes he had. And Odin’s twisting grift of the fiddle is so complicated and well done that even on the third re-read, I find myself forgetting about it until the moment Odin dies, and doubting myself on it until the moment Shadow says it out loud.

@neil-gaiman’s American Gods just gets better every time I read it, and I am cautiously thrilled and excited for the show coming out later this spring. 

“It doesn’t matter that you didn’t believe in us. We believed in you.”

Requested by the wonderful @happypencil  Continuation of this


If I die young bury me in satin Lay me down on a bed of roses 

“Friends, family, and loved ones. Today we are gathered here today in the remembrance and celebration of the short life of Lance McClain." 

 Sink me in the river at dawn Send me away with the words of a love song 

The priest cleared his throat. There was an eerie, haunting silence in the church. The only thing that could be heard was the rain drops outside, hitting the tin roof, creating a slight hum throughout the room. 

 Uh oh uh oh Lord make me a rainbow, I’ll shine down on my mother She’ll know I’m safe with you when She stands under my colours, oh and

 No one in the room can bring themselves to look at Lance’s mother in the eyes. All they can manage is a sad look and a quick nod before turning away quickly, head down. Not that she blames them. Her eyes may be preeminently red and burning, tears still streaming down her face. She feels her husband take her hand, but it offers little comfort. She has become numb. And at the moment, she is grateful. The pain would consume her, and she has to be strong. For her family. For her Lance. 

 Life ain’t always what you think it oughta be, no Ain’t even grey, but she buries her baby

 But she can’t stop the tears from coming faster. She’s hurt and angry. At everything. The universe, herself. She tightens her grip on her husband’s hand, ring beginning to sink into her flesh. Her baby. Her baby. Is gone. Forever. And she didn’t even get to say goodbye. 

 The sharp knife of a short life, Well, I’ve had just enough time

 "This is not an easy day. Our hearts go out to his family and friends, who will dearly miss him. We mourn his short life, but we must celebrate and remember the time we did have with him.” The priest shuffles some papers at the podium, eyes turning toward someone in the crowd. “And there is one here who can help celebrate this cherished life, and who genuinely saw Lance for he he was, and loved him for it.” The priest nodded. “Keith Kogane, please make your way up.”

 If I die young bury me in satin. Lay me down on a bed of roses

 Keith cleared his throat, and gave Shiro and Allura’s hands a reassuring squeeze and nodded to Hunk and Pidge, who were sobbing quietly. With a shuddering breath, Keith rose and made his way to the podium. 

 Sink me in the river at dawn Send me away with the words of a love song

 As Keith made his way, he let his fingertips graze over the white, glossy casket. His chest tightened and he inhaled sharply. He could already feel the familiar sting of tears behind his eyes. 

 The sharp knife of a short life, Well I’ve had just enough time

 He finally reached the podium, and gripped the sides until his knuckles turned white. He couldn’t cry. Not now. He already had so much already. He had to be strong.

 And I’ll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom

 Keith loosened the white tie around his neck, feeling much too tight. He cleared his throat and turned his gaze to the audience.

 I’m as green as the ring on my little cold finger

 "I-I know most of you might not know me, but I was Lance’s- he was my-“ Keith let out a shuddering breath. He could hear Allura start crying along with Shiro. Keith’s vision blurred. "He was my best friend. My partner. My everything.”

 I’ve never known the lovin’ of a man But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand

 "I loved Lance with all my being. And before Lance, I didn’t know what love really was. I was so alone. I-I didn’t have anybody. And then Lance came into my life.“ He gave a wet chuckle. "Even when Lance was my ‘rival’ and we both thought we hated one another, he was always there." 

 There’s a boy here in town says he’ll love me forever

 Keith turned his eyes to the ceiling, not able to stop the tears from flowing. "When we finally stopped arguing and fighting all the time and just got to know each other, we discovered how much we cared for one another. And it was scary at first. I was never good at showing my emotions, but Lance was so patient and he just loved. He loved hard. Unconditionally. Even though I cradled him in my arms first.” That earned a few chuckles from the crowd. Keith smiled softly, but it didn’t last long.

 Who would have thought forever could be severed by The sharp knife of a short life, Well I’ve had just enough time 

“We both thought we had forever. All the time in the world. We had the whole galaxy to ourselves. We both knew how dangerous our job was, and the risks that came with it. But we didn’t care. We were surrounded, absorbed with one another.” Keith closed his eyes and could see ocean blue eyes, blushing warm skin, and a small smirk with glistening teeth. He could feel soft, warm touches, promises of forever. He could hear his voice, whispering sweet nothings and everlasting love in his ear. Keith chocked on a sob. “I love him. I love him so much. He didn’t deserve this. He deserves the whole universe." 

 So put on your best boys and I’ll wear my pearls What I never did is done

 "He deserved to see his family again, and not like this. He deserved so much more. Someone better than me, a better life. A better ending. There are some many things that I wished I had done, wished I had said. But now he’s gone." 

 A penny for my thoughts, oh no I’ll sell them for a dollar They’re worth so much more after I’m a goner

 Keith turned his gaze to the team. All of them were crying. Coran was holding Allura, Shiro was holding Pidge’s hands, gently rubbing small circles with his thumb, trying to ease her cries. Hunk had his head buried in his head, whole body shaking violently. 

 And maybe then you’ll hear the words I been singin’ Funny when you’re dead how people start listenin’

 "Lance always told us how much he loved us. How much he cared for all of us. He would always tell us that if something ever happened to him, not to cry and morn his loss. He wanted us to live our lives to the fullest, to take care of one another. And we would sometimes brush it aside.” Keith turned his gaze to Lance’s mom. “I just wished I would’ve listened." 

 The ballad of a dove. Go with peace and love

 "But we can keep the memory of Lance alive. He will never leave my thoughts, and I know he won’t leave yours. He will live through us, his legacy will live on forever.”

 Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket Save 'em for a time when your really gonna need 'em oh

 Keith shook his head and gave a small sad smile. “Lance would probably smack us if he saw all our tears. 'Save them for a time when you’re really gonna need them’ is what he would always say.” The tears came faster, falling onto the podium and into the papers, smudging the letters. He shook his head, as if to clear his thoughts. He fruitlessly tried to wipe away the tears that continued to fall.

 The sharp knife of a short life, Well I’ve had just enough time

 "So for now, I say goodbye to him.“ Keith looked down at the closed casket, wishing instead that he could see a warm smile and bright lively eyes. "I will see you again one day. So wait for me, okay? And until that time comes, know that my heart is yours. I love you Lance. Until then, Sharpshooter.”

So put on your best boys and I’ll wear my pearls…

the signs as dragon age quotes

Aries: (After hearing terrible pickup lines) “Can I kill him yet? He’s hurting me.”

Taurus: “I see what must be done, and I do it! I see no point in running around in circles like a dog chasing its tail.”

Gemini: “Loyalty is an interesting concept. If you wish and if you are done interrogating me, we can discuss it further.”

Cancer: “Could we, perhaps, do battle with a pack of pretty flowers or soft bunnies next time? I’d do much better.”

Leo: (in response to ‘you’re not as handsome as you think’) “I must be, or you wouldn’t have been thinking about it all this time.”

Virgo: “My people had a saying long ago - “The healer has the bloodiest hands."”

Libra: “Freedom was interesting while it lasted.”

Scorpio: “I have faith in my friends well enough. Faith that they will one day stab me in the back.” 

Sagittarius: “I shall endeavor to exist with less offense.”

Capricorn: “Just once, we should enter a cave and see normal-sized spiders.”

Aquarius: “Magic can kill. Knives can kill. Even small children launched at great speed could kill.”

Pisces: “Demons can’t hear you. It hurts too much. Nothing here makes sense to them.”


Anon prompt: “ Hi! Can ask for a fic where jug finds the reader crying because the football team are jerks? Something just really fluffy??”

A/N: Football team are assholes :-(

You escaped to the safety of the Blue and Gold classroom,thankful that nobody would be there for at least a few hours; Betty had River Vixen’s practice and Jughead was off doing something else with Archie.

You slip into the space between the wall and cabinet, nobody would see you if they entered the classroom, so you were safe there.
You tried your best to stop yourself from crying, but it was near impossible. The tear stained your cheeks and dropped off your face and on to your clothes.

You cried silently, not wanting to risk someone hearing you, and coming in to find you crying.
The moments just before replaying in your head made you cry harder.

You were drawing silently by yourself on the bleachers, it was a nice day and you wanted to spend it outside during your free period to get some art done before your next class.
The football boys had spotted you and decided you would be the new butt of their joke. They joined you on the bleachers, surrounding you; you did your best to ignore them, you weren’t in any mood to deal with their crap.

Moose got your attention, by grabbing your art book out of your hands and looking at it, you stood up quickly, demanding he give it back to you.
The drawing was of your mother, she was in the hospital, she’d been sick for a while and you wanted to draw something nice for her. It had taken you almost a week and you weren’t even halfway finished yet.

Moose laughed and asked what you were going to do in order to get it back, you shoved him and in return, he tossed your art book to Reggie, who tossed it to Chuck. They were playing piggy in the middle, you were begging them to give it back to you; asking them nicely.

“You want it?” Reggie had asked. “Here.” He tossed it, it flew over your head and landed in a muddy patch by the bleachers; the boys laughed and left you there, you rushed down to get your art book, you picked it up; almost all of the picture had been covered completely in mud. What were you going to do now?

You shut the book, tucked it in your back and had rushed off to find somewhere safe.

You cried harder at the thought, what were you going to do now? There was no chance you’d be able to get another picture done in time for your mother’s birthday.
You heard the click of a door handle, someone was coming in and you tucked your knees closer to your chest, stifling your sob. One slipped out however and the person made them self known.

‘Whose there?” It was Jughead. You heard the thud of his bag hitting the desk and he walked around the room. “Hello?”

You sniff, figuring that there was no point in hiding.
“Jughead, it’s Y/N.”

He follows your voice, squatting down and asks if you’re okay. You tell him what happened, explaining what was going on with your mum and why your art meant so much to you. He sits with you, resting his arms on his legs.

“The football teams are a bunch of assholes.” He sighs, “Dim witted assholes.”

You rub your eyes, Jughead offers you his bottle of water, “Drink this, crying dehydrates you.” He hands you the bottle and you sip it, thanking him.

“Don’t cry over them, they really don’t deserve your tears, Y/N.”

“I know,” You murmur. “The drawing just took so long to do.”

“I wish I could help you to make it better, mud ruins a lot of things.”

You nod in acceptance, coming to terms with the fact that your art is ruined, you wipe a stray tear away. It hurt that the football team loved to prey on the weak but there really wasn’t anything you could do to take back what they had done to your art work.  
Jughead reaches into his back, producing a lollipop and handing it to you. You take it, smiling at him.

“It’s from my emergency stash, I go there when I’m sad.” 

You unwrap it, slipping it into your mouth. It’s strawberry, it’s oddly calming and you thank him. Out of everyone at school, Jughead is slowly becoming your favourite 

Broken Part One: http://imaginingbucky.tumblr.com/post/160710394889/broken-sign-on-the-dotted-line-and-everything


Ten months later

The coffee shop that you normally went to every morning was closed for repairs. You had to go fifteen minutes out of your way to get your daily coffee fix.

It had been a regular morning. You woke up and made breakfast for the kids before sending them off to school. They only had a few weeks left before Christmas break. They were very excited about being out of school for the next three weeks.

Keep reading

I’ve been tired for years,
I dont remember the last day I felt alive
I dont remember the last day I in braced

I wish I had killed myself three years ago when I had the time,
now I’m too busy holding my own hand,
now I’m too busy chugging heartbreak to feel full

I’m lost but I know exactly where I should be,
I’ve learned to accept that I need to wait,
I’ve learned to accept being loved will never be easy for me

I’ve been calling for help,
but I dont think I want it,
even if I get better I’ll still have to tell others all I’ve gone through,
and I’d rather waste away

—  I’m done lying//kayla

hamatomiwa  asked:

For the micro-fic thing! What about Ulaz, Allura & Coran finding out that Earth has over a thousand different languages? If you feel up to a part two then maybe a Uliro micro-fic where Ulaz finds out that Shiro speaks two languages from Earth (English & Japanese) & wants to learn one or both.

(I cheated and went to the second one)

“What are you speaking now?” Ulaz asked, voice soft with fascination.

“English,” Shiro replied.  “It’s habit, now.  That’s what I spoke at the Garrison, and it’s the language we all know.  It feels weird, to speak Japanese at the others and to expect them to understand.  It’s one thing for the translator to work on alien languages, but they can tell I’m speaking Japanese.  You still half-hear it.”

Ulaz tilted his head.  “I believe I understand. I can tell the difference between Altean and your languages, even if I do not know any of them.”  Ulaz tapped his fingers against Shiro’s thigh thoughtfully.  They faced each other on the bed, and Ulaz had to stoop so that Shiro wasn’t looking straight up the whole conversation.  “Do you have a preference?”

Considering that, Shiro hummed thoughtfully.  “I’m more used to speaking English now.  It’s been a long time since I spoke Japanese regularly.  But Japanese is… we’d call it my ‘mother tongue’.  My first language.  It’s what I learned as a young child.”

Ulaz nodded, though the phrase ‘mother tongue’ got him an odd look.  No doubt it sounded strange in a direct translation.  “The smallest, Pidge.  She is learning Altean.”

Is that what had brought this up?  “She’s coming along.  I have to say, the Altean way of teaching is… not typical for us.  But interesting.”  Once Shiro had discovered that the holograms couldn’t really hurt anyone, watching them chance Pidge edged more toward funny than horrifying, especially giving her rapidly improving poker face toward the situation.”

“Can I learn your Japanese?  Or your English.  I wish to speak with you in your… tongue.  Were there ever to be a time without translators, I want to be able to speak with you.”

Shiro’s brows rose.  “But I speak… small Galra.”

“Little,” Ulaz corrected.  “And you do, but the way you learned it was… unfortunate.  I don’t wish for you to need to use it.”

Ducking his head, Shiro swallowed hard.  “It’s a useful thing to know, though,” he replied.  “I’ll teach you English or Japanese if you help me improve my Galra.”

Ulaz frowned, unsure, but he finally nodded.  “Alright.  I wish to learn Japanese.”  He held up a huge hand, pausing Shiro’s words before he started.  “I know it is the less useful of the two.  But I wish it.  I want to give you the opportunity to speak it.  And if the need arises, you can translate for the others.”

“Alright,” Shiro replied, nodding slowly.  He looked a little like Ulaz had physically shaken him, ruffled and stunned, but then he smiled.  “I’d like that.”

Good.  Ulaz wanted to understand Shiro better.  He wanted to know how this small human had overcome and done so much.  Maybe understanding his language could be the first step.

If not, then it was just time spent together, and Ulaz couldn’t regret that.

An Awkward Situation.

Pairing: Loki x reader

Summary: though not liked much by the avengers, Loki’s brought to the base by Thor to be looked after. You’re the only one he looks forward to meeting; his only friend. Days with you were going fine until you both find yourselves in an awkward situation.

Author’s Note: I wanted to experiment with a Loki fic so I came up with this. I already had the idea in my mind but wasn’t sure how to execute it in a story plus I wasn’t sure which character to pick. I just randomly thought of an embarrassed and flustered Loki and finding it adorable, I wrote this fic. Hope you like it!

Warnings: swearing and violence

Word Count: 1962

Originally posted by rawaria

Thor had decided to visit earth to look after some matters and meet jane. He was just about to leave when he thought of taking Loki along with him, though Loki had asked for forgiveness about his actions, he couldn’t quite trust him fully. So, he took him along and decided that he would let the avengers look after him.

The brothers arrived at the base and got in the elevator.

‘can you refresh my memory on the topic as to why I couldn’t have stayed in Asgard?’ Loki looked at Thor with raised eyebrows.

‘because after all you had done, you couldn’t be trusted to have left unsupervised.’ He simply stated.

‘I am not a child; I wouldn’t have done anything. If only you- ‘

‘children, my dear brother, are better than you. when they do not get what they wish, they complain or cry. They don’t just go around destroying cities or enslaving mankind.’ Thor faced him completely and he rolled his eyes.

‘I don’t like this place much. The humans hate me. How do you expect me to spend a week here?’ he asked in an irritated tone.

‘well, after what you’ve done that’s what you must expect, Loki.’ Thor kept a hand on his shoulder but he shrugged it off.

 ‘as to how you’ll stay here, hasn’t (y/n) got it all covered? You seem to like her.’ He smiled. ‘do tell me, Loki. Have you, by any chance, seem to have caught what they call ‘the feelings’ for her?’ he grinned.

‘no, she is just much less loath able than the others.’ He said trying to maintain his calm. ‘she treated me nicely and she is very interesting, that’s the reason I like her company.’ He looked at him.

‘and she’s very beautiful’ Thor said grinning.

‘and she’s very-‘Loki stopped mid-sentence and glared at him.

The doors opened and Thor got out laughing while Loki simply followed. Thor had asked all of them to be present at the time of their arrival. They entered the common room and found only you and tony seated there as all others were out for a mission. You noticed them first and greeted them.

‘hey Thor!’ you smiled.

‘hello (y/n). how are you?’ je smiled brightly.

‘I am great! You?’ you chirped.

‘if we do not talk of Loki, I am good.’ He said and nudged him.

‘hello Loki.’ You turned to him.

‘ah, finally you have acknowledged my presence.’ He smirked and looked at you.

‘you always have to be like that, huh?’ you folded your arms.

‘oh he has to, you know maintaining the classic evil, sarcastic character. He can’t help himself.’ Tony walked up to you.

‘stark.’ Loki gave him a sharp look.

‘Loki.’ Tony taunted. ‘Thor, why are you putting us through this?’ he turned to Thor and pointed at Loki.

‘you do know the reason. He can’t be left by himself. I still can’t believe that he won’t cause any harm.’ He explained.

‘well, in that case we will have to babysit him.’ tony mumbled and exited the room.

‘I must leave too. Goodbye (y/n).’ he smiled

  ‘bye Thor.’ You waved a little. ‘be good brother.’ He patted Loki’s shoulder and walked away.

‘I hate it already.’ He groaned.

‘don’t worry, Come with me.’ You offered him your hand.

‘where are you taking me?’ he asked as you as he followed you across the hallway.

‘my room, I have some stuff I wanna show you. even if you don’t want to do what I have planned you can just sit with me or we can talk or read.’ You said and he gave you a genuine smile.

Days with you were spent so comfortably. He loved spending time with you. you would talk about everything with him. you would tell him little bits of things about earth while he would share his knowledge of the universe with you. Even sitting in silence with you gave him a sense of happiness.

On the 5th day, you decided to take him outside dressed as a commoner, which was something he loathed, he didn’t like how the clothes looked on him. it was a very big change.

‘you look so nice!’ you grinned seeing him in an emerald green t-shirt, black leather jacket and jeans.

‘I look like a fool.’ he glared at you and then look hesitantly at the mirror.

‘no! I think, you look rather dashing.’ You leaned on the wall of your bedroom. A pink smudge appeared on his cheeks.

‘thank you for the compliment.’ He muttered and you chuckled.

‘you’re so cute!’ you got on your toes and pulled his cheek.

‘I am not cute I am dangerous.’ He folded his arms and you laughed.

‘alright, Mr. dangerous, let’s get going.’ You grabbed his hand and led him outside. He showed hesitation but you ignored him.

Natasha and Clint were walking in your direction. Clint noticed you and waved.

‘do you ever spend time with us anymore.’ He said.

‘yeah, and what do you do with him all day in your room?’ Natasha folded her arms and gave you her signature smirk.

‘it’s not what you are thinking.’ You glared.

‘okay, won’t mention it again. I am happy as long as I don’t have to see his face.’ She said and Loki rolled his eyes.

‘why the hell are you hiding behind her?’ Clint grabbed his arm and pulled him forwards.

‘have you lost your mind?’ he stumbled forwards and fixed his hair.

‘you got him to wear that!’ Clint’s eyes grew wide.

‘mhm, isn’t he looking nice.’ You held his hand and he tightened his grip.

‘he does look hot. (y/n) I have to say; your choice is great.’ Natasha looked him up and down while he tried to maintain his calm.

‘I know.’ You smiled. ‘now if you’d excuse us, we have to go.’

With that you both walked away. You took him to your favourite café and were walking around a park.

‘you like it?’ you looked at him.

‘the beverage is pleasant.’ He said as he sipped on his drink.

‘how would you describe this?’ you swirled the cup.

‘about the coffee, a nice bitterness.’ He looked at the mug. ‘you, look tempting.’ He stopped and looked at you. you blushed and decided to play along.

‘do I?’ you moved closer to him. ‘you have no idea.’ He closed the gap between you and towered you.

 ‘this dress you are wearing today compliments your body perfectly.’ His eyes fixed on you.

‘so this dress is the main reason of your sudden flirtations?’ you took a step back and started walking.

‘no, it’s actually the change of scenery.’ He followed you. he noticed you two were now alone. It was evening time. ‘is it just me or the weather suggesting something?’ he said in a low voice.

‘it’s just your imagination!’ you shoved him playfully.

‘I- ‘he stopped as he noticed a man who had been sitting on a bench earlier was looking at the two of you. he ignored it and continued walking.

‘cat got your tongue.’ You teased.

‘no, I- ‘he saw the man aiming a gun at you. ‘(y/n)!’ he shouted and pulled you in his chest. He took out his dagger and threw it in the man’s direction. It landed in his throat and he fell on the ground. Everything happened way too fast, he just stayed in the position until you spoke.

‘Loki, take your hand off my chest.’ You said in a small voice. He noticed his hand was on your breast and too make it worse, his grip was… tight.

He immediately removed his hand.

‘I-I, I am so sorry! I just couldn’t think of anything else. I was trying to protect you and my hands just.’ He tried to explain.

‘yeah, it’s okay.’ You squeaked out. ‘let’s get back.’ You kept your gaze low as you tried to hide your crimson turned face. He too had a bright blush on his face. He was too embarrassed to say anything and followed you.

The ride back to the tower was spent in the most awkward silence. None of you said anything. When you arrived at the base, you headed straight to your room and Loki to his.

You got in the bathroom to get changed and wash your face. You could still see how red your face was. When you took your dress off, you could see that the area of your chest where his hand had been was a little red too. Seeing it made you feel more embarrassed. You shook your head and quickly put your night clothes on.

You lay on your bed as you hugged a pillow. You could still feel his hand on you. he had large hands and his grip was strong and…. God, thinking about it was a torture.

  ‘how will I face him now?!’ you groaned internally. You clenched the pillow and buried your face in it.

Loki was in a chaos. What had he done? He was so close to getting his feelings out, everything was going fine, until…. He covered his face and groaned as the memory crossed his mind. If he was feeling so what would you be thinking?

I must do something. I can’t upset her, she’s my only… friend.’ He thought and left his room.

You popped your head from the pillow as you heard a soft knock on your gate. You got up and opened the gate. A heat rose to your face again as you saw Loki standing there with his hands at his back. He was wearing his normal clothes now.

‘oh, Loki, I- I, what- what are you doing here?’ you stuttered.

‘hello (y/n). will you let me in?’ he said softly.

‘yeah, sure, come in.’ you kept your gaze low.

‘okay, (y/n) I am very sorry for what happened earlier.’ He said.

‘oh it’s alright! It was embarrassing and you were only trying to save me- ‘he put a finger on your lips.

‘hush, I know that I am making you uncomfortable, but I insist that you listen to what I have to say.’ He looked at you and you nodded. ‘I was trying to protect you. I was truly frightened when I saw that man trying to kill you. you see, you mean a lot to me. You bring out the best in me. Time spent with you is what I thrive for now. You are one of the very few who have ever cared for me. And the thought of losing you, out of every being made me take an immediate action.’ The words felt like silk when he spoke them. They had wrapped you in the best of feelings.

‘I love you (y/n). please forgive me. Even if you do not intend on returning my feeling, just be my friend again. You are the only close person I have left.’ He brought his hands forwards. He had a tiny box in one hand and a bouquet of your favourite flowers in the other. You took them and set them aside. You smiled at him and he gave you a confused look.

‘why are you so adorable?’ you placed a hand on his cheek and grinned. the corners of his mouth twitched in a smile.

  ‘so, what shall I think this means?’ he smirked.

‘well,’ you wrapped your hands around his neck. ‘it means, I too love you and now you don’t have to apologize for putting your hands anywhere on me.’ You winked and he chuckled. He pulled you in a tight embrace. He pulled back and slid his arms down to your waist.

‘I wanted to do this for a long time now.’ He pulled you closer and connected his lips to yours.

‘I fucking knew it! You owe me 20 tasha!’ Clint ran away after seeing you both.

You both pulled back. He looked at you and then at the door. He closed the door and locked it. He held you again and fixed his eyes on you.

‘now, where were we?’ he smirked.

Make A Stark ~Part 4 - Robb Stark x Reader

Okay, so this part is… pretty crap. Not gonna lie. I am sorry guys and I’m sorry it took so long. 

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3

Originally posted by richard-madden

“Where’s Robb?” You blinked wearily looking around your room only to find your handmaiden and no Robb,

“He had to attend to some business, my lady.” By the way she took a moment to reply you knew there was something wrong,

“He is in trouble with his father, isn’t he?” Your handmaiden looked down at her hands before nodding slightly,

“Not his father, my lady.” You sat up slightly, your head full of confusion,

“What do you mean?” the young girl hesitated again,

“There is to be a visitor to Winterfell, my lady, your father is to be here soon.” You sat bolt upright,

“Get me prepared to go out, now.”

“My lady, I do not think…”

“It would not be a good idea, (y/n).” Robb appeared at your door but you didn’t great him so lovingly,

“Why did you not tell me my father was riding here?”

“Leave us,” Robb spoke to the maid and she scurried out quickly as his relaxed mood changed bitterly, “you are not to see him when he arrives.”


“I believe he intends to take you home, I cannot have that my darling.” You looked at him sadly,

“I cannot defy my father Robb…”
“Yes you can,” he strode over to you as you stood and went to gaze out of the window again, resting his hands on your waist with a sigh, “he is a manipulative abusive man and l don’t want to live without you. I

can’t.“ He spun you around in his arms and pulled you closer to him, embracing you carefully and resting his head on yours but you were preoccupied, you didn’t wrap your arms around his this time. You couldn’t hold anyone, you were too busy holding a grudge against your father.

It was hours before your father and his men rode into Winterfell and you had since changed for the first time in days. You watched as he paraded himself around the Starks as they stood proud in the courtyard, Robb had demanded that you stay in your room but he said nothing about watching. You could see your second eldest brother with him, he was the best of your brothers but hid it well, he used to show you a little kindness when you were back at home and you hoped that it would remain that way. You watched as your father dismounted, closely followed by your brother, and greeted Ned harshly completely ignoring Lady Stark and walking away sternly with Lord Stark - Robb following quickly. You were startled away from your door by a knock, you already knew who it was, “Alix, it’s been a while.”

“(y/n).” Even now he kept his distance from you, it seemed like too much time without you around had made him more alike to your brothers.

“What do you and father want here?” you demanded,

“Lovely to see you too dear sister” he laughed,

“I am not messing around, what do you want?”

“Well, father was planning on taking you home and marrying you off to some lord but now you have disgraced yourself no one will have you.” he mocked and seemed to snigger, he wasn’t the brother you knew,

“What has happened to you?”
“To me? I am not the one giving themselves to every lord you see,”
“I haven’t given anything to anyone, I was sick, Alix! I was ill and Robb helped me. That is all that happened.”  Alix looked at you for a moment before his smirk fell from his face,

“You’re being serious? Nothing happened?”

“No! Nothing happened and now my reputation is ruined and like you said no one will have me. I’ll be some spinster disowned by father.” You raked your hands through your hair, “What is father saying to Robb, to Lord Stark?”

“I don’t know…” you both looked at each other in a slight panic before you heard shouting coming from the courtyard outside.

You bolted to the window looking out to see Robb a fingertip away from your father as he screamed bloody murder. You looked back at your brother dangerously before grabbing your furs and running from the room.

“Father!” you stormed towards him, not caring who was looking, “What in the whole of Westeros do you think you are doing?” You stood between Robb and your father almost protectively as if you were shielding him from your fathers sharp tongue and fast sword.

“I send you here as a respectable girl and yet you whore yourself out to northern boys.” He spat.  His words and you could almost feel Robb tense behind you, “All you women are the same. Whores”  Robb moved to stand before you instead seeming to stand taller as the young wolf protected you,

“How dare you speak to her like that, this ‘woman’ is more respectable than you will ever be.”

“I was right to get rid of your mother after she had you, wish I had done the same with you” your father’s snarl was one you were used to but his words never failed to hurt you.

“You need to learn to keep your mouth shut” Robb’s fists clenched firmly at his sides and you reached forward resting your hand on his arm to attempt to calm him, ignoring the way your father glared at the action,

“And you are any better? Using whores to keep you company - just like your father I wouldn’t be surprised if she carried a bastard just like your brother.” Robb snapped and landed a firm punch to his face, probably sapping your father’s nose and sending him to the floor. All you could do was watch.

She is your daughter and she is just as innocent as when you sent her here. I know you don’t know what it feels or looks like to care for and look after a woman but I do,” Robb placed another swift punch to your fathers face and you watched on silently, you had never had this kind of protection from anyone in your life and you had never felt your heart swell so much. With one final punch Robb spoke again, “And that was for my brother.” He spat before walking to you again, wrapping his arm around you once again,

“My darling, are you okay?” You simply looked up at him remaining silent. It was rare for anyone to see Robb in that way and although you admired his strength and adored the way he cared for you, it scared you.

Tag List: @codyisherewaddup @hellomissmabel @holdyourselfinmyhands @saoirsewhittle @fandom-flash

We Don’t Talk Anymore (Part 11)

Genre: Angst

Pairing: Chanyeol x Reader x Baekhyun

Requested: No

Word Count: 1,849

Summary: Everything was going perfectly for both of you, but then he changed.

Author’s Note: This was one of my favorite chapters to write! Enjoy! ;D

(Part 1) | (Part 2) | (Part 3) | (Part 4) | (Part 5) | (Part 6) | (Part 7) | (Part 8) | (Part 9) | (Part 10) | (Part 11) | (Part 12: Finale)

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Do u accept triggering request? If u do will u do a thor x reader where they likes each other? But reader has a depression so has a good day n bad day. Thor is concerned n want to help so he ask loki to help fix reader's mind but it didnt work. Make it a mix between fluff n angst. Pls do this. But if you dont like it, thats fine, just ignore it. Thanks.

Pairing: Thor x Reader
Fandom: MCU

A/N: first of all, let me thank you for being my first request, you had no idea how happy you made me haha. Also, this request is such a good and angsty idea, I loved it and had so much fun writing it (despite of it being quite sad I think lol). Again, thank you so so much. (also, added Thor to my fandoms list)

“(Y/N)? Are you awake?” Thor closed the door behind him and slowly approached your bed.

“Yeah,” you answered in a muffled voice.

The curtains were closed and only a few rays of sunshine were finding their way into your room, so it was relatively dark in there.

He sat down by your side and tucked a few strands of hair behind your ear that had fallen into your face, then he continued to stroke your cheek with his thumb.

He was able to feel the slightest dampness on it, which made him realize that you had been crying.

“What can I do?”

You turned your head a bit to look at him properly.

“I’d appreciate a cuddle.”

He smiled and went around the bed to lie down next to you.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

You know which characters + the flu and... On an airplane..? 8 ) -s (why are they on a plane..? Good question)


IiihhPPXNT! Uuh…

Joseph sniffles, digging through his coat pocket for a packet of tissues. He finds the last unopened pack, despite leaving the airport with five. The plane isn’t even close to arriving at the target destination.

“You gonna survive the flight?” Robert chuckles before a harsh fit of coughing.

Maybe taking a flight to visit Val while sharing the flu wasn’t such a good idea. If the two hadn’t already purchased tickets ahead of time, they could have easily rescheduled. Joseph at least trusts Val to understand, although Robert approaches the possibility more cautiously.

Robert doesn’t even want to let Val know he and Joseph are under the weather. Coming from him, he imagines it would be easy for Val to interpret it as an excuse to not see her. He doesn’t even want Joseph to be the one to tell her that, feeling like having him speak on his behalf would make matters even worse.

“Why is the plane’s air on? It’s freezing.” Joseph wishes the blankets he had packed weren’t in the bag that was whisked away into the luggage area, potentially never to be seen again. 

“That’d be your chills again.” Robert places a hand on Joseph’s forehead, but can’t really tell a difference given his own fever. “I think we’re done for.”

“Looks like I’ll have to baptize you with an overpriced airplane water bottle then.” Joseph chuckles, ruffling Robert’s hair. “In all serious, I hope we do feel at least a little better when we see Val.” He takes a moment to blow his nose, comfortable enough around Robert to not attempt to silence himself, but polite enough to be courteous about the noise, considering the other passengers.

“I feel like I might take you up on that offer, though, providing the water’s cold.” Robert removes his coat, but only makes it halfway off before his phone vibrates.

It’s Val.

“Are you picking that up?”

Robert frowns when he discovers Val is calling using the video chat app. Normally he wouldn’t mind this; it was nice to see his daughter’s face, after all, but to put it nicely, Robert is a complete mess right now. He sighs and toughens up, though, since maybe Val wouldn’t notice his glossy eyes or pink tinted nose with a tiny phone camera.

“Wow, dad. Did the Dover Ghost get you?” Are the first words from Val as soon as Robert answers.

“W-Why would you ask that?” Robert tries to keep it cool, pretending he wouldn’t have the slightest idea what she could be referring to.

“You got a frog in your throat, too?”

“Haha! I told you I’m not the only one who says that.” Joseph comments off-screen, followed by another nose-blow.

“This is how I normally talk.” Robert insists, but he knows Val too well to assume she’ll fall for that.

“Just say you’re not feeling well. It’s not that hard.”

Joseph pokes his head in to peek at the screen, waving at Val.

“It is hard. Took until our flu test results came in to even admit to me he’s sick.” He whispers before ducking out. The congestion in his head is too much to keep in phone-peeking position.

“You guys both have the flu?”

“Well, Father Bigmouth let it loose. You caught us.”

Joseph giggles at the ‘Father Bigmouth,’ as does Val.

“When you guys get here, I’ll set up the guest room for a ‘flu bug paradise,’ then. My girlfriend came up with the idea last Fall.” Val lifts up a bottle of brandy for Robert to see. “We got your favorite remedy, too.”

“So the mystery’s solved: we are related.”

“When was that a doubt?”

“When I read about cryptids that stole babies and replaced them with lookalikes.”

“Dad, just get some rest.”

When Val hangs up, Joseph surprises Robert with a nuzzle against his shoulder.

“Your daughter loves you so much.”

“It wasn’t always that way.” Maybe it’s the fever making him emotional, but Robert can feel a warmth behind his eyes.

“Hey, hey… shhh…” Joseph’s voice softens. “Just think about the call you just had. And we’re staying with her for the week. Things are clearly getting better, and that’s what matters.”

“God, why are you so good at this thing?”

“You started your sentence with the answer.”

“Joey, you… Jesus nerd.”

Robert would have thought of something more creative if he was in good health, he’s certain of that. But for now, he’s more than ready to doze off, and Joseph soon follows.


Cry Part Two - One Last Time

The ball was going pretty much how you’d expected it to. Penelope and Morgan spent the evening flirting with each other, Hotch and Rossi spent most of their time networking and being taken aside by different people from various departments within the FBI, Emily was well on her way to being drunk and was currently being chatted up by an office boy fifteen years her junior, and you were sat nursing your third glass of wine and trying to look happy.

Spencer had been seated next to you, something that had caused a momentary glance of awkwardness between you both. It wasn’t like you’d stopped talking to each other or anything like that. In fact, you’d both managed to make a big show of actually being friends and interacting with each other normally since the break up. You’d had to really. It was just….. odd that they’d chosen to seat you next to each other. JJ was on his other side, seated next to her husband Will who had managed to get the night off work and a sitter for Henry.

Being so close to what you were sure was a love triangle was interesting, the tension crackling between the three. Whenever you’d met Will before, you’d always got the distinct impression that he wasn’t overly impressed with his wife’s friendship with Spencer. He viewed him as a threat to their cosy little family. You wondered if he suspected what you suspected. From the looks he was giving Spencer, you figured he did.

After dinner there was dancing, the team bar you and Will hauling themselves to the floor, dancing in a group.

Will cleared his throat, “So, you and Reid no longer together?”

“Nope. Not for a while now.” You took a swig of your wine, watching Will do the same.

“Mind if I ask what happened? JJ wouldn’t say.”

Looking the man square in the eye, you were honest for the first time in months, perhaps feeling sorry for him.

“I cheated on him Will. One night, one stupid night.”

The southern gentleman’s face dropped and he moved across the two empty seats so that he was sat next to you.

“And he found out?”

“I told him. I couldn’t lie to him anymore. He wanted to make it work but I couldn’t live with myself.”

“So you risked your whole relationship by telling him?”

“I had to. Wouldn’t you want to know if you’d been cheated on?”

Will took another sip of his drink and looked down at the table. “No,” he mumbled. “If it was a one time mistake and nothing had come from it, then I wouldn’t want to know.”

You and Will watched from your seats as the tempo changed to a slower song and the team paired off, Spencer and JJ moving together.

They looked strangely uncomfortable, Spencer holding her stiffly and looking passed her rather that at her. His eyes connected with yours for a moment and he gave you a sad smile as the band started to sing. You realised why within seconds.

It was a cover of A Thousand Years, the song that you and Spencer had made your own. He was dancing to your song with someone else. Albeit, he didn’t look too happy about it but he was still doing it.

You pushed your chair back and reached for your purse. The team had booked rooms in the hotel that was hosting the event, rather than having to drive home afterwards.

“Everything okay?” Will looked at you concerned.

“No, it’s not. This was our song. I’m sorry Will, can you tell them I’ve got a headache and I’ve gone back to my room.”

“Sure thing darlin’. Take care of yourself now.” You left Will to his own thoughts and made your way back to the room, stripping off your dress as soon as you got in and sitting cross legged on the floor in front of the mini bar in just your underwear.

You uncapped a whiskey miniature and knocked it back, the bitter nector burning your throat as you selected another drink. Vodka this time, screw not mixing your drinks. You knocked that one back too and was just settling on the gin when you heard a light knocking at your door.

Emily or Garcia you guessed, coming to check up on you.

You pulled the terrycloth bath robe from the back of the dressing table chair where you’d left it earlier and shrugged it on, not bothering to belt it.

Pulling the door open, you were suprised to see that it was Reid.

“Can I come in?” he asked softly.

You didn’t say anything just moving aside and letting him in, pushing the door shut behind him. You sat on the edge of the bed waiting for him to reveal his reason for coming to you.

When he didn’t speak and just stood there, his hands in his pockets, you uncapped the gin bottle and pressed it’s opening to your lips.

“Y/N….. ” he began.

“Oh.. I’m sorry… Manners and all that. Did you want a drink?” You held the tiny bottle out to him and instead of taking it, he circled his fingers around your wrist, tugging you to your feet and pulling you to him.

You looked at him confused.

“Spencer, why are you here? Is it because Will’s here and you can’t be alone with her?” Your voice cracked and you willed yourself not to cry.

Not releasing your arm, he pushed his hair back with his other hand.

“What are you talking about?” he asked, his eyes darting from side to side.

“You and Jennifer, Spencer.”

“You know?”

So it was true? You felt your breath quickening, you actually couldn’t believe it even though you’d suspected it. You nodded, not being able to speak.

“Look, what happened between JJ and I is none of your business.”

Harsh. But true.

“It’s Will’s business though,“ you shot back.

“Y/N, can we not. I came to see if you were okay. You ran out pretty quickly and I know you well enough to know that it wasn’t because you weren’t feeling very well. It was because they played that song… our song right?”

There was no point in trying to deny it to him. You nodded again. “Our song. Which you danced to, with her.”

“I’m sorry it upset you. If it means anything, I tried to pull away. I didn’t want to dance to it but I didn’t want to make a scene.”

He was sorry for upsetting you. After everything, all you’d done, and he was apologising to you.

You’d lied to him, cheated on him, and he was sorry for dancing with someone else to your song.

A tear trickled down your cheek and Spencer reached out and wiped it away, his touch soft and tender.

“I’m sorry Spencer… ”

I was a liar
I gave in to the fire
I know I should’ve fought it
At least I’m being honest

“I’m sorry too.”

You looked at him, his hazel eyes full of concern. You thought back to your earlier conversation with Will, something he’d said.

“Spence…. Should I have not told you?”

He closed his eyes momentarily, thinking before quietly answering.

“You did what you thought you had to do. I don’t know if we’d still be together even if you hadn’t told me. I think it would have eaten away at you inside and we’d have drifted apart because of it.”

He was right, keeping it a secret had no longer been an option.

“Y/N, for what it’s worth. I don’t hate you for doing it. I hate that we ended because of it. I thought that what we had was perfect.”

Feel like a failure
‘Cause I know that I failed you
I should’ve done you better
‘Cause you don’t want a liar

“It was, for a good while. I’m so sorry. I wish I could go back. I wish I could change things.”

“I know. Me too.”

His hand was still around your wrist, his skin warm to the touch. He’d always had warm skin, he was a great snuggler in the winter but in the summer you’d had to sleep with fans on to keep cool. You smiled at the memory of a hot summers night when you’d bought a glass of ice to the bedroom to cool down. Spencer had had other ideas of what to do with the ice though.

“I…. I miss you, you know?” you said to him quietly, taking a tiny step closer to him.

“I miss you too, Y/N. You were the best thing to ever happen to me.”

“Ditto.” He shuffled slightly closer too, wiping away another trail of tears from your cheek.

“Spencer…. What’s going on with you and JJ?” your voice was creaky, your tears making it rasp.

“I don’t know. It’s complicated. Everything’s complicated right now.”


“Yes. Everything. I can’t tell you because I don’t know. My feeling are all over the place right now. So are hers. She’s going through some things, and…. Well, I just don’t know what’s going to happen.”

“Why. Why don’t you know what’s going to happen?”

“Because….. I’m still not over you.”

He wasn’t?

More tears started to fall and he stepped closer again and wrapped his arms around you, you burying your head into shirt, inhaling his intoxicating scent.

“Do you love her?” you asked as his hands rubbed the back of your robe.

“Not like I loved you.”

That was something at least. But JJ wouldn’t hurt him the way you had. You knew that. And that probably counted for more.

And I know, and I know, and I know
She gives you everything,
But, boy, I couldn’t give it to you

“Spencer, I’m gonna hand my transfer papers in tomorrow. I can’t see you everyday. I can’t…. I can’t.. see you with….”

“Shhhhhh… I get it. I don’t want you to leave though, Y/N. Please don’t.”

“I have too, I need too.”

You pulled away and raised your head, seeing that his own eyes were now watery. You reached your hand up to touch his face, the face you could probably map out with your eyes closed, you’d stroked it so often. He leant his head against the palm of your hand, you feeling the slight stubble on his chin.

Sniffing, you moved your hand over his skin wanting to cherish the feeling of it for a last time.

How had you been so stupid? How? You’d thrown it all away for one night. One night that had meant nothing.

You moved your hand over to his lips, the lips you’d spent hours kissing, probably days or weeks if you added all the time up. The lips you wanted so badly to kiss again, but knew you couldn’t. Those lips were probably going to end up spending the rest of their lives kissing your blonde colleague. You were so sure that’s how things were going to end.

And I know, and I know, and I know
That you got everything,
But I got nothing here without you

Allowing your finger to graze over his bottom lip, you were surprised when he didn’t pull away, instead pursing them against your digits lightly.


Could you?

Would he?

Adjusting your footing you stood on your tip toes, Spencer lowering his head slightly as you tilted your face up to him.

“Y/N….. ” he breathed out, his voice barely louder than a whisper.

“Just… Once more. One last kiss?”

So one last time
I need to be the one who takes you home

You were sure he was going to object but as your lips met it seemed like maybe he was never ever intending on objecting at all.

The kiss reignited so many memories, so many feelings exploding through your mind, your body. Spencer’s arms slipped underneath your robe and around your waist, pulling you tightly to him and your arms threw themselves around his neck as you almost crushed yourself against him.

You didn’t want to stop, never wanted to stop. Tears were now freely falling from your closed eyes, slipping into your open mouths, tasting the salt on your tongue as you kissed. You pulled back slightly to catch your breath, shocked when Spencer smashed his lips back against yours, capturing them between his. Your tongues met in a dance you knew so well and Spencer’s hands started to roam over your body, a route they’d travelled so often.

One more time
I promise, after that, I’ll let you go

“What about…… ” you murmured into his mouth.

“Stop over thinking this. I told you, it’s complicated.”

You no longer cared about the complications and the repercussions, only about the feeling of your ex lover against you. You wanted to consume him, make it so he could never leave even though you knew he would.

Baby, I don’t care if you got her in your heart
All I really care is you wake up in my arms
One last time
I need to be the one who takes you home

Spencer tugged your robe off and then bent his knees, gripping your thighs and raising you off the ground. You wrapped your legs around his waist as he walked you towards the bed.

You broke apart from his lips and started peppering his neck with kisses, pushing off his suit jacket and letting it fall to the floor. Inhaling his scent, the apple smell of his shampoo, you felt yourself becoming addicted to him all over again.

Can’t you forgive me?
At least just temporarily
I know that this is my fault
I should’ve been more careful

As he lowered you to the bed you both began undressing each other, your underwear coming off, followed by the rest of his clothes. You quickly wiped away your tears, watching him shed his layers before crawling onto the bed and covering your body with his. He kissed you again, this time his mouth becoming more urgent against yours as your bodies moved against each other, hands skimming over skin that you hadn’t touched in so long, a body that you never thought you’d get to feel again. If this was going to be it, then you’d need to treasure every moment.

So one last time
I need to be the one who takes you home
One more time
I promise, after that I’ll let you go
Baby, I don’t care if you got her in your heart
All I really care is you wake up in my arms

As your legs parted and he adjusted himself ready to push inside you, you closed your eyes, briefly wondering what would happen tomorrow.

“Y/N…. Open your eyes. Please…..” he whispered, pushing in, your bodies remembering each other like long lost friends meeting for a final time before saying goodbye for good.

One last time
I need to be the one who takes you home

You’d think about tomorrow when tomorrow came.

After Virmire

It had been three days since Virmire. Since Shepard had found out who the real queen on this chess board was. It had been three days since her injuries and since her altercation with Saren. It had been three days since she chose to save Kaidan over Ashley. It had been three days… three days of feeling responsible and guilty. Three long days of waiting, not being able to do a damn thing. Three days without Chief Williams…

Garrus even found himself missing Ashley. He’d look over to his right expecting to see her, but she no longer stood there. She was no longer working on their weapons… The space was just empty. It was no secret that they weren’t the best of friends when initially meeting, but like most the crew they became closer than expected. Ashley had started out very suspicious of the aliens on board the Normandy, but after all those missions working alongside Wrex and Garrus, she had warmed up to them. He even considered them friends as crazy as that sounds. He could see that Ashley had changed for the better… Shepard had helped Ashley like she helped him. Like she had helped everyone.

Shepard was released after 24 hours as promised. During her short stint in the Med Bay Garrus had visited her about once an hour until Dr. Chakwas made him just stay. Shepard found it funny how Garrus mysteriously didn’t have any more calibrations to run all of a sudden. It was in moments like that where she could forget about Virmire. When she could forget what was coming. Although it was nice to have a taste of blissful ignorance, she could never stay distracted for long. Her mind always went back to that day. Back to what lie ahead.

The crew hadn’t taken Ashley’s death easy, but being part of the military you sort of had to expect this kind of thing from time to time. Preparing for something like that mentally versus actually being faced with that decision was very different. Even so, the crew and Shepard bounced back. Or at least they did on the outside. They had to be strong. She had to be strong. The fight wasn’t over. They could mourn the dead later when the galaxy had been saved.

Shepard lay in her quarters listening to music. Something old and slow that her mother would have liked. She tried focusing on getting better and not on all of the things she had to do once she was. The past few days Garrus had taken to visiting Shepard every night. He made a habit of staying until she had drifted off, knowing how hard it was for her to sleep and tonight was no different. A light knock at the door let her know that he has there, right on schedule.

“Shepard. How are you feeling? I’m not sure what this is, but Alan told me you’d like it.” Garrus walked to her eyeing it suspiciously handing over a plate full of food.

“Oh, you know. I’m still standing, right?” Her voice cracked often and was weak. Having a neck injury like she had, it was surprising she was even speaking at all.

She missed Ashley. A lot. She had learned all about Williams’ family, and her personal history. Shepard hated being alone, because anytime she was she’d imagine Ashley’s sisters finding out the news… That their oldest sister would never be coming home. She looked at her plate of mashed potatoes, chicken and broccoli. Food was the last thing she wanted

Being alone with Garrus had been the only time she was allowed to feel anything. When she spoke to the crew, she had to be the pillar of strength. A shining example. Their leader. But with Garrus, she could talk about how it really felt to chose between the lives of two close friends.

Sitting there staring at her food, she thought back to the night after they returned from Virmire. Just three days ago… but it seemed like another lifetime before. Shepard really hasn’t been doing well, she had lost a considerable amount of blood from the neck wounds Saren gave her. Luckily, there was no serious damage. That night… The night everything changed on Virmire, everyone had been clamoring to see Shepard when she came to a few hours later. Chakwas refused to let anyone in, and had sent anyone attempting away. Garrus had just about enough of this waiting. He saw what happened to her, how weak she was… How much blood she had lost. He needed to see her. He had to know she was okay. Before he could protest further they heard the mechanical buzzing behind Chakwas; revealing a very defeated and battered Shepard. She stood heaved over in her hospital gown. The deep red of her hair was a mess, strung all over the place and laced with blood and ash.

Garrus checked her vitals as he scanned her body inspecting the damage. The first thing he saw was the deep dark purple that laced her neck between the bandages on either side. He noted a few cuts and bandages on her arms from weaker areas in her armor… Bruise after bruise decorating her pale skin. She had a black eye and her lip was busted and swollen… He stared at her with his mouth hanging open, his mandibles loose to his face. Shepard looked into his eyes as if she was begging for him to hold her… Immediately he pushed past Dr. Chakwas, wrapping his arms around her. He held her head lightly in his hands pushing his face lightly into her neck. He could smell the blood, the tears… the smell of the water and sand from Virmire.

Shepard stood there eyes closed holding him back with all the strength she could muster. She couldn’t speak, but she didn’t need to. Garrus just held her tightly, she wouldn’t dare move. Not only that, but he couldn’t let her go.. No, if he did she would be vulnerable again. He had to protect her.

“Shepard… I must insist you get back into bed. You’ve lost a considerable amount of blood and you’re barely stable as it is.” Chakwas urged her after a moment touching her on the shoulder, she was still pressed into Garrus and Chakwas noticed the fury behind his eyes.

After another moment Garrus nodded seeing reason, leading Shepard back where she should be. He sat down on the bed, with his back to the wall. Shepard slowly inched closer to him, curling into his chest and neck. He ran his fingers through her hair, holding her tightly. There were so many things she wished she could say then, but even if she could find the words she didn’t have the voice. She didn’t have the courage.  

That night now felt like years ago, but here she was only days later trying to pretend nothing happened. Shepard’s neck was still a deep purple, and she could barely speak. Garrus watched her eying the food and wondered what she had been thinking that night that night. They may have had a silent conversation then, but the words she wished to say still clung to the back of her throat. He watched as she tucked her hair behind her ear taking a bite of whatever mush was on her plate. After a moment of poking stuff around he watched her place the plate on the table giving up on eating.

“It’s been hard to eat, ever since…” Shepard started but he shook his head and she knew she didn’t have to finish.

He noticed this. She had hardly eaten since that day. He didn’t know how to help her though. He couldn’t exactly force feed her could he? Well, at least not yet.

“Shepard, listen.” Garrus moved to sit on the bed next to her.

“You can’t save everyone. I know thats not what you want to hear, but it’s the truth. You risk your life every day for the Council— for civilization. Doing the dirty work that they don’t want to deal with. You’ve saved more lives than anyone in this damn galaxy, Shepard… Ashley was a good soldier, and she died with honor. She died knowing that all of this was bigger than she was. You heard her. She doesn’t regret a damn thing. This isn’t your fault. If anyone is to blame, it’s that bastard Saren. But not you, never you.” Garrus’ voice reverberated in a raspy purr comforting her as he slid a taloned hand to her face lightly.

“I know. That doesn’t make it feel any better though. I still feel responsible. If I just could have done more…I should have done more.” Shepard shook her head sinking her face into her hands, immediately wishing she hadn’t pulled away from him.

“Damn it, Shepard. You are so damn stubborn, you know that don’t you?” He pulled her attention to him again. He knew there was no use in trying to make her admit that he was right, she didn’t need to admit it. He knew that ultimately she saw what the cost of war was. She knew she had a price to pay, and she would have to continue paying it.

Part of her did know he was right. She had been faced with an impossible decision. There had been no getting around this one. Shepard had no idea why she chose Kaidan over Ashley truthfully. Maybe it had been because he was with the nuke. Had their positions been reversed would she had saved Ashley instead? What if she had flat out said no when Kirrahe asked for one of them to accompany his team… There was no use in thinking like that though, and she knew it. What was the point in fixating on ‘what ifs’ or possibilities. The reality of the situation was that she could only save one, and whatever her reason had been; she chose to save Kaidan.

Garrus watched her carefully. She looked so sad… So broken. He had never seen her like this and he didn’t like it. Glancing at her food he could see it had grown cold, knowing she wouldn’t be eating it he decided not to push. Instead he slid his long arm around her, pulling her closely into his side. She looked up at him as he reach a taloned hand out towards her neck. Lightly he ran his thumb over the yellow and purple marks, over the crescent shaped scab held together with tiny stitching.

Those marks infuriated him. How hard Saren must have been squeezing her to have done this much damage… Humans were so fragile, and despite being full of strength, Shepard was human. He would make Saren pay for this… He felt that better man taking the back seat, allowing his old self full control. As if Shepard could hear his thoughts growing dark, she shook her head pulling him from his thoughts of vengeance.

“We can’t kill him, Garrus. Not unless he gives us no other choice… He knows too much.” Shepard looked up at him, trying to speak clear but her voice barely above a whisper.

“Shepard, come on. The Council protected him once, who’s to say they won’t do it again? If we have another chance at him, we can’t let playing nice get in the way of stopping him. We can’t give him a chance to escape. He can’t get away with this, Shepard. He can’t get away with hurting you. I won’t let him.” Garrus was speaking louder; a growl rumbling through him as each word escaped his lips.

He felt himself growing increasingly frustrated. He had been so focused on keeping the husks off the bomb that day, that he didn’t have her 6. She had been forced to face Saren alone and he had almost lost her because of it. He hadn’t been able to stop Saren from doing this to her… He hadn’t been able to protect her… Would he ever be able to?

“You couldn’t have stopped this, you know that.” She was shaking her head at him. “And even if you could have— you can’t let vengeance rule your life anymore, Garrus. You can’t be a slave to your impulses. You’re better than that.” Shepard sighed out as best and as clearly as possible.

She was weak, and there wasn’t much more that she hated more than feeling hopeless. It reminded her of Mindoir… of the attack on her colony. How she hid while her family was slaughtered around her. While the batarian slavers set fire to her home, as she watched her life melt away around her. Weak and cowardly.

He moved his hands to either side of her face, holding her gently. His face was only inches from her now. He lowered his brow and met hers, eyes closed. “I won’t let him hurt you again, Shepard…” Before he knew it he had kissed her.

The kiss was soft and long. He missed the way she felt so much, the taste of her. After a moment their mouths parted and they shared a look. They both knew that this didn’t mean they’d be together. No, it wasn’t time for that, if they ever were given a chance… This kiss had been given simply to remind each other why they were fighting. 

That if they did this, if they made it… They would have each other.

*** FROM MY ME1 STUFF. Takes off after Before Virmire  and it’s a little LONG SORRY // AM STILL SCRUB THANKS FOR READING ILY ***

[[GIF found on Wei723′s DeviantArt]]

anonymous asked:

32 & 41 justlex please

32. “If you walk away everything will fall apart.”
41. “Please… I love you.”

Justin panicked when Alex turned his back and headed for the door. Tears stung his eyes, unable to fall just yet as he scoured his mind for something to say that would make Alex stay.

“But if you walk away everything will fall apart,” Justin admitted,

“Look around us, Justin, nothing is together,”

“You and I are- or- or we could be.”

Alex took a deep breath and slowly released it. Justin was just happy to get an extra couple seconds with the boy. He truely wasn’t sure if he could convince Alex not to walk away, and if he failed, he was sure he’d fall apart.

Tears blurred his vision already, and he hadn’t bothered to hide them from Alex. He knew he hadn’t done enough to make Alex feel wanted or protected in all of this, so if admitting he was the bad guy would convince the blonde to stay, he’d cry and apologise all night.

“Alex, please, just give me a chance,” Justin begged, “I’m gonna make it up to you, I promise. Things were going so well, and then-”

“You dated my ex, completely betrayed my trust, months later hers, kept it a secret and then threatened Clay, and may I remind you raised a knife at me when the tapes came out,”

Justin blinked as his first tears burnt his eyes, “I don’t- I don’t know why I dated Jessica… things were going so well between you and I. The boys just- look I’m an idiot, okay? I chased validation from a total asshole who spent years just using me. He manipulated me, and I know that’s no excuse because I let him, but he was proud of me for scoring Jess. I just wanted someone to look at me like I wasn’t worthless, and that’s where everything went wrong, I know that, yet again it was all my fault,”

“Justin, I looked at you like you weren’t worthless. I looked at you like you were my world, because you are! But that wasn’t good enough for you!”

“No, Alex it is good enough. It is good enough. Just… Alex, please, I love you.”

Justin wasn’t sure if it was those three words, or the way he’d begun actually sobbing, but Alex stood frozen. Justin buried his face in his hands and just cried, standing there in the middle of the room across from Alex. He wished that he had never asked Jess out like Bryce suggested, he wished he hadn’t let things spiral downwards from there, mostly he wished he’d done better at protecting Alex through the whole tapes ordeal.

He felt hands on his shoulders, and Alex had pulled him into a hug. He couldn’t calm down though, he just stood there crying on Alex’s shoulder, somehow unable to stop the awful, short breathed screams that came with the tears. He’d spent so long denying himself the right to cry, and now it had all boiled over.

Alex caressed his back and whispered sweet things to him. Justin was grateful for that, mostly because he knew he didn’t deserve any of it. He couldn’t stop the way his body just had to look up and meet Alex’s eyes, he had to know that Alex wasn’t going to leave, because Justin knew that nothing would get him through that heartbreak.

“Please- please don’t go, Lex. Please don’t go, I need you. So, so much. I’ve lost you enough already, please don’t-”

“Shhh,” Alex hushed him, wiping away Justin’s tears, “this doesn’t mean we’re fine, but I’m willing for tonight to be a start, but you have to be better-”

“I will be,” Justin nodded furiously, “I’ll do anything you want me to. I’ll make it all up to you, I promise… I love you, I love you, I love you,”

“I love you too, Jus.”

anonymous asked:

Here's a prompt/Headcanon, Robbie will do anything to make sportacus smile or make his day, especially on bad ones.

This is for you anon and also @rottensocksandfluff who I wish I could have hugged and been with today <3


Sportacus lay on his bed, feeling no desire to move or flip or even get up. It was the middle of the afternoon but he couldn’t make himself do anything. He had days like this sometimes. Where busy dreams had bothered him all night and his mind was buzzing and painfully distracting the day after. 

With a sigh, he rolled over and pulled the pillow over his head. Maybe he should just go back to sleep and try again tomorrow. The kids hadn’t needed him all day; maybe he could take the day off.

Just then, the computer announced he had mail coming. Groaning, Sportacus stood to receive the mail. The letter was written on pale purple paper. He raised an eyebrow. Who in town wrote on that?


Come to the park. Now. If you want. Whatever.

It was unsigned but Sportacus had an idea who this was.

He called for the door to open and slid down the ladder to the ground. Once there, Sportacus jogged to the park.

Standing there, arms crossed, was Robbie. Sportacus found it in him to smile slightly. It was so rare for Robbie to ask to see him that, even in his unstable mental haze, Sportacus was happy.

“Hello, Robbie,” Sportacus said with as much enthusiasm as he could, “What do you need?”

Robbie looked him up and down, “That confirms it.”

“What does?”

“Something’s wrong with you. You didn’t flip here and you’re slouching.”

Sportacus straighten his back. He hadn’t even noticed. Before he could offer an explanation, Robbie had a hand around his wrist. He wordless pulled Sportacus over to a bench and pointed at it. Confused, Sportacus sat at the far end. Robbie sat down at the other end and pulled at Sportacus until the elf was laying his head in Robbie’s lap. 

Robbie pulled an orange blanket from somewhere and draped it across Sportacus. When Robbie pulled off his hat, Sportacus finally spoke up, “What are you doing?

“You aren’t yourself today.”

“How did you know that before I came down?”

“Because usually I’m up way before noon because of your antics. I slept a full 16 hours today so obviously something’s up.” He began running his fingers through Sportacus’ hair. “You threw off my day and I don’t like it. You can either tell me what’s going on in this pointy-eared head of yours or we can sit in silence. Whatever will make you flip again.”

The hand in his hair was soothing. Sportacus felt his eyes drift shut. This was better than stewing in his ship alone. The sun was warm, the blanket was soft, and he had a friend with him.

Maybe tomorrow would be better. For now, Sportacus would enjoy this.

Chasing Cars

Words: 663
SONG FIC: Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol
Bruce Banner X Reader Song!Fic
Summary: After a particularly rough mission, Bruce is feeling down on himself. Reader goes to his room and offers to lay with him, just for a few minutes to forget about the rest of the world. Song Fic with lyircs from Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol. (Not a request, but I needed a break from Steve, Tony & Buck.)

You found Bruce alone in his room. He was sitting on the bed with his head in his hands. You thought you knew what had him so upset. You’d both just come back from a mission where the Hulk had thrown a car into a nearby building. It hit a structural support beam and effectively reduced the entire first floor of a home to ruble. Luckily no one was hurt this time. The family that owned the place was gone on vacation, but that never lessened the doctors guilt.

You knocked softly on his open bedroom door. He’d had his headphones on, but happened to look up and see you. He gently tugged the over the ears headphones off and looked up at you sadly.

“I don’t really feel much like talking, [Y/N]. Maybe later.” He reached for his headphones, but you invited yourself into the room anyway.

“If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lay with me and just forget the world?”

Keep reading

The Charade; Part Five

Summary: Two journalists strike a bargain with Misha Collins and Jensen Ackles to get the article they need, and end up getting more than they bargained for.
Pairings: Misha x OFC, Jensen x OFC
Word Count: 1763
Warnings: None?
A/N: Ash’s and my new collab! @d-s-winchester​​


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So, the Destiel Secret Santa challenge came to an end today and the authors have been revealed, so I’d like to share all of the fics I wrote for this challenge. 

This fic was a last minute pinch hit and my prompt was-

‘Hurt!Cas or Hurt!Dean and loads of comfort.’

So of course I wrote a 9.06 coda. I really feel like I’m one of the guys now! ^_^

Beta read by @officieldestiel, who was utterly fantastic and terrifyingly fast :)

Title: Saudade

Word Count: 2006

Rating: T

Summary: He can’t bear it now, the pity in Dean’s voice, the wasted sympathy, the kind platitudes, a few hundred dollars pressed into his hands before Dean inevitably leaves again. His hand is on the doorknob when strong arms wrap themselves around his middle and haul him back.

“Please don’t go,” Dean whispers into his hair.

Read on AO3, or click for more.

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