Prompt: part 4 of Brawl in the Streets, the reader is super wasted with the Hamilsquad and unlocks their origin story.
Pairing: Poly!Hamilsquad X Reader
TW: cursing, drunk, alcohol, crying, mention of sex, second hand embarrassment(???), reference to masturbation, really funny origin story???
A/N: here’s PART 4: BRAWL IN THE STREETS!!! I hope y'all enjoy! I was excited to write this! Thank you for all of your love and support! I love y'all! If you want me to tag something, let me know! I want you to feel safe when reading my work! Please enjoy!
Word Count: 1875
“Hey, hey, guys, hey…” you called out from the couch, where you were facedown. “I’ve got a knock knock joke.”
The boys were quiet, waiting for you to say it. “Go ahead,” Alex finally instructed.
“Okay, okay…” you paused, thinking. “Wait, why are they called knock knock jokes? Do people even knock anymore? Why is it not ding dong jokes? Have we not evolved?”
“Oh my gosh, just tell the joke!” Herc groaned, and you laughed into the couch cushion.
“Okay, knock knock,” you started giggling into the couch at the joke you were about to tell. A chorus of who’s there’s rang out. “H-How many wiener dogs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?”
“I don’t get it-” Laf began to complain in a really harsh French accent.
“None! They can’t reach that high!” You began laughing hysterically. So hard, in fact, that you were moderately concerned you’d piss your pants.
“That wasn’t a knock knock joke!” John complained, and you rolled your eyes before you turned over and sat up. They had turned out the lights, and the tv was playing behind you. The bright light had gotten more annoying the drunker you’d gotten.
“I’m bored,” you complained, and John chuckled. He was sitting on the couch with you, just a drunk as you were.
“We could change that, y'know,” he drawled in a suggestive voice, and you blushed.
He crawled toward you on the couch, and you squeaked before you fell off the couch. You landed on the floor and started laughing, the boys joining you.
“Do we have any more beer?” You asked from the floor, thirsty.
“We are not giving you any more alcohol!” Herc said, “You’re so wasted!”
“Am not!” You argued, and you tried to get up off the floor, but you wavered and fell on top of John on the couch.
“If you wanted me that bad, you coulda just said so, Princess,” he purred to you, and you giggled.
“You wish,” you teased before you snuggled into his shirt. “You smell good.”
He laughed this time and put his arms around you, holding you on his chest, “Only for you, darlin’.”
“Let’s play truth or dare!” Alex suddenly called out.
Lafayette quickly shot the idea down, “Non! Alexander, last time we played, you dared me to suck ‘Erc’s-”
“And you did-”
“Well, I didn’t want to lose!” They squabbled, and you laughed, but you were also confused.
“Wait,” you said, and they both looked to you, “I thought you two were together… but you,” you pointed to Laf, “sucked Herc’s… peep…?”
“Yeah?” Alex questioned, and you pulled your chin back into your neck in confusion.
“So, I don’t get it…?” Alex looked over at Herc, who looked to John, who looked at you, and they all started laughing.
“You’re so cute,” John cackled, his chest vibrating beneath you with each peel of laughter.
“I know… but that doesn’t answer my question!” You looked up at him from your cozy spot, and he was looking down at you, making little crinkles in his chin where you could see a shadow of stubble growing in.
“Sweetheart…” Herc trailed off, and Lafayette took over.
“We’re polyamorous,” he explained. That’s when it all made sense. Everything clicked together.
“Ohhhh, I get it!” You smiled to yourself and nuzzled further into John, who gripped you tighter. You pulled your legs up closer to your body, straddling him effectively, but still hella comf. “So how long have y'all been together?”
John began to run his fingers through your hair, “Hmm, I’d say romantically, about three years? It started out with just me and Alex… We’d all been friends for years before, but I really really liked Alexander-”
“Aww, babe, you had a crush on me? That’s embarrassing!” Alex exclaimed from the other sofa, obviously referencing Parks and Rec.
“Shut up, Alex!” John threw a pillow at him. “Anyways, so we hooked up. Then, a few months later, Alex explained to me that he loved me, but he also had feelings for our favorite Frenchman, Laf, and at first, i was like, whaaaaat? Then, I realized that I had a lot of pent up gay in me and that I really liked him too, but we didn’t know how he felt about us… For some reason, we actually thought he was straight…?”
“It’s funny because I’m actually the gayest!” Laf happily exclaimed from his spot between Alex and Herc.
You laughed, and Herc wrapped his arms around him. He gave Laf a kiss on the cheek. “We know.”
“But, one night, before we knew how aggressive Alex was with truth or dare, we played it, and Alex dared Laf and I to make out, and that went about how you’d expect…” John trailed off and his hand twitched in your hair like he was back in that moment.
“That’s when they realized I’m ultra gay!” Laf slurred, his thick French accent almost making it unintelligible.
“You’re like a straight boi, but instead of saying no homo though, you gotta cut in and add no hetero to the end of like every sentence,” Herc chuckled as he fiddled with Laf’s fingers.
“C'est la vie, 'Erc. Let me live,” Laf complained, and Herc laughed again.
“It’s cute,” he reassured his boyfriend. Laf cooed and turned to share a sweet kiss with Herc. You almost wept. It was just so damn cute.
“It was shortly after that when I composed a letter, conversing with John at the same time, declaring how profusely I loved Laf, and how John and I wanted to have a relationship. I poured my heart into that letter… it was my everything. Heart and soul. I felt like the minute he’d open it, the skies would part, and the angels would start singing… God is there. He’s weeping-”
“'Is 'andwriting was messy, and I could barely speak English! 'Ow was I supposed to read the sloppy, pretentious, wordy ramblings of a sleepless man?” Laf protested from the spot on the couch.
“It was beautifully crafted!” Alex protested, and Laf pressed a quick kiss to his lips.
“I know, mon amour, that’s why I 'ad 'Erc read it to me.” He smirked, an inch from Alex’s face, and Alex closed the gap this time.
“So Laf hands me this leader with no explanation and is just like 'read it!’” Herc mocked in a terrible French accent, and Laf scowled at him, “And I read the letter, spoiler alert, Alex and John are super gay, but I didn’t get all the way through. I was under the misconception it was for me, so of course I rushed to Alex’s apartment, only to find he wasn’t there; he was having dinner at the Washingtons’ with John-”
“Wait,” you interrupted, “didn’t the letter address who it was to?”
Herc scoffed, “It said 'to our dear friend.’”
“I’m sorry, but Marie‑Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier de La Fayette is a lot to write for a header!” Alex shot back.
“That’s not the point!” Herc huffed, “The point is, I busted into the middle of the dinner, professing my love for them in return like a bad rom com, telling them, and the Washingtons, how gay I was for them, and those assholes just cackled!”
“It was cute!” John laughed as he recalled the memory, earning a scowl from Herc.
“It was mortifying!” Herc replied, covering his face with a hand.
“At this point, I 'ad used Google Translate to interpret this letter since 'Erc just rushed out of the room in an 'urry, and God did not cry when I read it en Français. So I rushed over to this dinner as well and interrupted 'Erc’s speech with my own.”
“At the very end,” John begins to explain in between fits of laughter, but he can’t get it out. He was laughing way too hard.
“Martha gives a standing ovation and cries out, 'Oh, George! What a lovely performance! It was like a little dinner theatre! Lovely!’ And George just goes, 'No, Martha, this was unplanned…. They’re all gay for each other.’ And those two assholes,” Herc scoffed, “Were laughing so hard that we thought they’d piss their pants!”
Alex is laughing with John at this point, but you’re completely engaged in the story.
“So all of us were so confused, and John and I had to go have a talk in the bathroom, and we concluded that we loved Herc too…”
“It was a very confusing time…” John explained as his laughter quieted down, and you patted his chest soothingly.
“So we come back out to find that Martha had downed the entire bottle of wine in celebration, and George had gone to bed, all within the span of like, two minutes. He had congratulated the other two, but said he knew it would happen eventually, and he had business in the morning. And like a badass, John opens his arms and says-”
“Welcome to the Hamilsquad!” John shouts, and you almost fall off his chest in surprise. Everyone is laughing at this point, even yourself. These boys were too cute for their own good.
“It gets better!” Laf exclaimed, and Herc roared with laughter.
“Martha, drunk off her ass, shouts 'When y'all gonna fuck?’ And George shouts down from the bedroom, 'Not while I’m in the house, boys!’ And I fucking pissed myself!” Herc guffaws, losing it again. You’re laughing so hard that you’re light headed at this point.
“He didn’t actually piss his pants,” John elaborated, causing you to laugh again. “This has been a wild story, and I just wanted to make sure you knew he didn’t.”
It took a few minutes, but everyone managed to calm down.
“So when?” You finally asked, and Herc snorted.
“That night,” John answered beneath you, and he bucked his hips in a mock thrust, causing you to slide and squeal.
“And we’ve been in love ever since,” Alex added dreamily like the end of some sappy movie, and Laf laughed.
“I loved you before, mon cher,” he purred as he grabbed Alex by the collar and pulled him in for another kiss.
Suddenly, you felt a rush of emotion. You’d always been an emotional drunk. You bursted into tears, completely startling John.
“Y/N? What’s wrong? What is it?” He ran his fingers through your hair, trying to soothe you.
“You guys are so in love… like, you all love each other so much, and I’ve got a vibrator at home with half dead batteries to come home to every night!” You were also an oversharer when drunk.
The boys laughed, but stopped when you kept crying. John rubbed your back soothingly. “Don’t worry, Y/N,” he whispered, “You’ve got us.”
“Promise?” You sniffled, and John nodded.
Then, in a really, really quiet whisper, he says, “I’d go straight for you.”
That one sentence is the first thing you remember when you wake up with a huge hangover in the morning, and it brings forth a question. Was he joking, or did he really mean it? Somehow, you’d developed a crush on these boys. You wanted the love they had. You wanted to be in the Hamilsquad. What had you gotten yourself into?