i wish i could record this better

Under The Starlight - Tifa's Theme Cover
D-kun - singer, Nobuo Uematsu - composer
Under The Starlight - Tifa's Theme Cover

Happy Cloti Week: Day 6 - Stargazing

I recorded this around five years ago but I got embarrassed and hid my original post of it. But some people liked it so here I am reposting my cover song. The lyrics are also mine. 

“Under the Starlight”

Under the moonlight, into the dark night
I dream of you
Cause deep in my heart
I know one day you’ll come shining through
And here I’m waiting
Under the starlight, thinking of you
I know that one day you’ll come back to me
I believe in your promise

Under the moonlight, into the cold night
I see your tears
I feel your sadness and all your weakness
And all your fears
So here I’m crying
Under the starlight, still loving you.
Amidst of all I heard you calling
“I’ll do everything to catch you if you’re falling
Hold my hand and don’t let go”

Through all the battles, through all the pains
Through all the good and bad, we’ll fight together
I’ll never leave you, no matter what
And don’t you think, that nobody’s beside you
I’m always here to love you
I would never leave you all alone
Take my hand!
Even if stars fall down I’m holding on to you
We’ll live and together let us go into the promised land

If words can’t tell you how much I love you
I hope you’ll feel
Locked in my heart, my dreams and wishes
You made them real
It will be alright
I’ll be your starlight, always with you
Wherever you will go I will follow
In the darkness I will help you find your way home
Under this starry sky

lolanbq  asked:

Your otp for #18

I want you to know that picking a pairing for this involved a list and about 15 minutes with a random number generator.

Also there are exactly 2017 words in this :D

send me a ship and a number for a short fic

“Shiro, hey, Shiro, can you hear me?” Lance asks.

Shiro groans, forehead crinkling in displeasure as he scrunches his eyes closed. He reaches his left hand up to grip his forehead, fingertips digging into his temples, and Lance breathes a sigh of relief. Movement is good. Movement is great after that blast. He settles back on his haunches, hand still resting on Shiro’s shoulder. There are lacerations cutting through Shiro’s undersuit, but they all look pretty minor. He can’t see any other injuries.

“Lance, how is he?” Keith demands over the comms.

“Conscious,” Lance says - because if he starts with ‘not sure,’ there’s a ninety-nine percent chance Keith will drop everything to get to them. “He’s moving. I’ll keep you updated.”

“Get him to Blue. We’ll hold these guys off,” Keith replies.

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There’s some fucking fanboy out there who is feeling a disturbance in the force. I want him to see my face in his fucking nightmares tonight. I want him to know that I am better than him, and I will argue this fucking pretentious point about screenwriting until his eyes bleed and his ears rot and his mother kicks him out of the basement and – no, don’t write that down – there is nothing wrong with living in your mother’s basement. The economy is hard, things are tough out there. BUT THE POINT IS … I feel strongly about foot fetishes.
—  My wife

anonymous asked:

hi! could you do a harry imagine where he comes backstage after the gig with stevie and hes all happy but he starts crying (in a cool way) because he loves her sm and you comfort him, thank you!💖💖

Hi! So in honor of Stevie’s birthday, I just had to write and post this one. I hope you like it :) x.

Leather and Lace

I’d been trying to hold it together for the last twenty minutes. The show was over, the crowd for the most part was dispersing and leaving the Troubadour, with a few clusters of fans here and there chatting. The music was still ringing in my ears, the feedback from the guitar now long gone yet still managing to vibrate and shake throughout my body. I stood frozen in my spot on the balcony where I’d sat next to James to watch Harry. The stage was now empty, the spotlights now making it seem more like a distant memory, or a time capsule from a completely different era - one that I’d seen in old magazines from decades ago.

I couldn’t believe what I’d just witnessed. Harry had just sung with Stevie Nicks. Stevie fucking Nicks! To say I was a fan of hers would be an understatement. Stevie was my idol. My queen. The reason I’d wanted to be a musician since I was twelve.

I hadn’t known she would be there. Harry hadn’t told me. Whether it was because he wanted it to be a surprise, or because he was afraid I would freak out and be nervous for him, therefore making him all the more nervous, I didn’t know. But maybe it was a little of both.

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So I’ve finally sat down and moved around design ideas for our actual leads until I was left with something I can live with. There’s too many questions that I can’t quite decide on; like, how ridiculous am I gonna get with these outfits because goddamn, there were several ridiculous things in fashion in 18th and 19th century. I don’t necessarily want to force Alisha into a rococo dress because nobody’s able to move in these things, and neither do I want to give anybody a stinking, lice infected wig, but Rose and Sorey are perfectly used to running around in heels, so at least footwear is not gonna be much of a problem.
I’ve also answered the question “how many elements of their original game designs am I gonna retain?” for myself. The answer is “little, and mostly colour schemes”. I’ve also decided not to stick to a specific time period, so I’d have more freedom to give everyone different styles and cuts. Furthermore, anything that doesn’t hug Mikleo’s miraculous wasp waist is a waste on him.
I keep forgetting how ridiculously time-consuming costume design is (these took almost two entire days, and that’s the low-effort variety – I don’t even want to think about what the details look like). Like, I’ve done it a billion times in my life, and I should know by now that even just one single design takes you hours if you’re really fast, but I keep doing it because how can someone not love historical fashion

Anyway, these outfits are courtesy of
1) Rose generously gifting Sorey some clothes because even a cut-throat pirate doesn’t have quite the heart to let him run around in rags after almost drowning in a shipwreck, y’know. He can pay her once he’s got access to his dad’s fortune’s again. Plus accumulated interest and taxes.
2) Alisha hosting a ball and making sure that everybody attending meets her standards. Including recent victims of shipwrecks and their fish boyfriends. Means, no, Mik, you can’t just run around in your boyfriend’s shirt and nothing else. You’re gonna get your own outfit courtesy of Alisha’s tailors. Too bad he can’t even snark at anybody at that time because of that stupid I-exchanged-my-voice-spell, but hey, his death glares and bitchy resting face reach new levels in Ladylake. Also means, nope, Sorey, you’re no longer allowed to run around in baggy clothes and hide from your responsibilities in the nearest library.
Alisha is working on getting Rose in a fancy dress next, but that’s more difficult than it looks like.

Anyway, I hope y’all are gonna get some good old Pirates of the Caribbean vibes out of this. Last movies were all shitty except the fact that there were actually mermaids, but I will never not love the goddamn soundtracks.
I might need an actual tag for my little mermaid AU so it can be distinguished from everyone else’s little mermaid AUs. I wish I could think of one.

/insert Mozart playing in the background because

/I think I want a pirate prequel/subplot/whatever for Rose, Dezel and Eizen, I lack ideas, but anyway, everything is better with pirates. I’m also considering sea monsters, what do you think about sea monsters

/I also don’t know yet how exactly Sorey’s copy of the celestial record survives the shipwreck except by divine intervention, it’s a mystery

/whoops look who rambled again like there was no tomorrow

He's better off now

I really love you,
But I did what I had to.
I couldn’t help you grow,
So I decided to let go.

It took a toll on me,
I knew it wouldn’t be easy.
Life right now is so hard,
I admit I feel broken and scarred.

I miss you and what we had,
And at times I get upset and mad.
I wish I could go back in time
But that would likely be a crime.

I want you to be happy.
Not meaning to sound sappy:
I hope and pray every day,
To let our sorrows pass away.

~ M.F

Summary: Kylo has returned to the light side and Leia has tasked you with teaching Kylo how to be good again

A/N: Will I ever take fics seriously? No. Will I ever stop stealing dialogue? Also no. Anyway this will never be canon and I am upset.

“My son has returned to me and I want to do all that is possible to keep him from returning to the dark side.” Leia said.

“…..and we come into this how?”

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Great Comet today!

I had the incredible pleasure of seeing Natasha, Pierre and the Great Comet today, and wow. Just wow. What a fun, charming, moving, immersive and incredible show. I’ve never seen anything like it.
To start, I had Dave Malloy as Pierre because this week he is taking the role, and I couldn’t be more happy to see the original actor who’s character I fell in love with in the title role! I feel like the original cast album doesn’t capture how great of an actor he is, how well he captivates and fills the room. And hearing him sing Dust and Ashes, which isn’t on the original album- so awe inducing. That man is brilliant for writing the show and all the better for being able to star in it as well.
Then, of course, Denee Benton. Honestly, I had always liked Phillipa Soo’s Natasha so much and I sometimes had trouble listening to Denee’s interpretation on the OBC recording. But tonight completely changed my view of that. The way she captured the torment of a challenged young girl with her changes in tone, her body language, her eye contact, it was all perfect. And she is so beautiful, especially in the white fur coat in No One Else. I wish I could say more about No One Else but I cried through the entire song so it’s all a blur. I cried through most of the show, actually.
Okay so Anatole. We did not have Lucas Steele and my sister and I were so sad at first because we’ve heard such great things about him. Instead we had Blaine Krauss and holy craaaap are we glad we did! Blaine Krauss’ Anatole was so nuanced. He made the audience fall in love with the character that is so easy to loathe. Anatole is not a good guy. But Blaine was sometimes bouncy, sometimes sexy, sometimes devilish, and every version of Anatole was so desirable. And he really is as handsome up close as at a distance, by the way. So Blaine Krauss deserves a lot more credit, and I’m sure that he just followed the footsteps of Lucas Steele a lot of the time, but he also exuded his own personal charisma and swagger that definitely deserve attention.
Amber Gray and Grace McLean are the true queens of Broadway and deserved Tony noms and I will never stop saying thAT they’re brilliant they’re radiant they’re chill inducing they’re perfect end of story.
Ingrid Michaelson- ehhh. I feel like she really just copied Brittain Ashford’s Sonya and didn’t add anything of her own. I didn’t get any nuisances of Michaelson’s personality or character, it felt plain to be honest. I missed Ashford.
Gelsey Bell was fantastic as Princess Mary! And Nick Choksi has Dolokhov was so charming and fun! and Nicholas Belton was great too!! They have much less singing than the rest of the cast but they definitely stood out when they did have songs. Actually let’s talk about Belton’s Andrey. I really loved how stoic he was, and how heartbroken he seemed when Natasha cheated. You don’t get all that emotion on the soundtrack and it was really appreciated. But possibly my favorite part of the staging is how he shows up consistently throughout the show. For instance, in the opening number, as Pierre is doing the very first verse, Andrey is going off to war and gives Natasha a necklace, as she shrieks and runs after him. No One Else; Andrey stands reading a note in the moonlight as snow falls on him, and Natasha is singing to him/about him. Then, whereas at first Natasha was beckoning to him and wanting his attention, she slowly starts forgetting him and ignoring him as he show goes on. In The Ball, he is wearing a mask and beckoning to her, she takes his hand and drops it. In Sonya Alone, she walks right past him strumming a guitar on the staircase. It really shows how Natasha’s thought process is changing through out the show it’s very insightful and beautiful.
OH and the musicians!! Everywhere!! Playing instruments and dancing and singing right on stage!! Absolutely fantastic and soo so so talented. Everything about the show was fantastic. And the immersive theater was just wow. Even the dumplings they handed out were tasty. I can’t say enough praise for this show. Thank you Dave Malloy for your work of art, and thank you to all the actors for bringing it to life.

In the Arms of Justice Pt. 1 (Bucky Drabble Series)

Bless the lovely Mariana ( @buckysberrie ) for bringing THIS POST to my attention, leading to waaayyy too many fantasies about Bucky the Cop. Which led to this drabble series, my first attempt of the kind. Also my first AU so any feedback is appreciated! 

And thank you to the ladies of the Avengers Trash Tower for reading this over for me!! Love you all!!! 


In the Arms of Justice Pt.1 

Characters: reader x Officer Barnes (eventually)

Summary: Reader is a witness to a crime, tying her to the investigation as well as the police involved. She never would have guessed how that one night would continue to change her life years later. 

Warnings: blood, murder and death mentions (none of it graphic), gritty police drama tv show kind of feel. 

Word Count: 898

Tags at the bottom

Part 2>>>   


4 Years Ago

Clenching your eyes shut, you could still see the red and blue flashing lights through your lids. This was a nightmare. There was no possible way this had become your reality. Head in your hands, you let your mind reflect upon the events of the past 2 hours.

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anonymous asked:

Why is Liam so underrated? :/ www(.)billboard(.)com/articles/columns/pop/7743445/one-direction-solo-albums-poll-vote

Hi friend,

I KNOW I have been sitting on this ask since forever but I’ll be honest, at first, I kept responding to this and then kept retracting and, repeat. The text always ended up in verbiage. Anyway, since you’ve sent me this link, it’s good to know that Liam’s been in the lead for quite a few days and currently I am not sure of who stands where since there is fluctuation, as there should be, but Liam’s definitely holding decent in the polls. 

Addressing the topic at hand, when I see people under-appreciating Liam even today, I go all

I’ve pondered a little over this, and I think the main reason Liam usually gets unfairly sidelined could be assigned to one and/or more of the following reasons:

1. Liam’s narrative. Right from the early days, Liam was pinned as the responsible one. For the record, I don’t know why it’s deemed as an undesirable trait because it is not. I always say this and I’ll say it again, Liam is truly magnificent because not only is he A+ in almost everything, he also makes me want to be a better version of myself. I honestly wish I had these inherent leadership traits that Liam possesses. Do you know how often my lecturers stress the importance of leadership values and responsible behavior in the real world? That Liam is naturally capable of maneuvering stressful situations and making them bearable, not only for the boys but also the fans, by and large, is a very very admirable attribute. Like, even in his interview with Rollacoaster, that quote about him taking over because he wanted the other boys to have the moment? WHEN WILL YOUR FAVE EVER, LIKE LITERALLY? 

However, somehow he even got tagged as boring and dumb along the way – neither of which holds true, lmao. People judge Liam’s intellect and wisdom on the basis of his typing style on Twitter, even as they keysmash on tumblr to express excitement? Liam has been handling all the paperwork and business obligations for a while now. Liam ALSO has been co-writing the songs with Louis. Liam’s interviews with 1D have always been funny and entertaining. Liam has excellent presence of mind and is quite spontaneous as was obvious during 1DDay. He undoubtedly hosted the show sooo well. I mean, the list is endless.

Liam’s humour is so sassy, snarky and sometimes the driest, and I love it? He also oscillates between being extremely dorky and throwing incisive shade, haha. I dunno how it gets over the heads of so many, ahem, smart fans. Then again, that the beauty. Imagine getting playfully dragged by Liam… AAAH! (whichever drag you thought of is the correct answer)

2. Liam’s position in the band, musically. Now, I know this is a continual debate and obviously everyone is going to fight on who is the best off 1D, and obviously everyone would choose their fave, but I’m willing to fight anyone who dares call Liam’s voice “boring” or any of the illogical things they come up with. I bet you these are the very people who go all 2+2 = Europe, I mean???

Liam has always been the fulcrum of the band. There is no questioning one’s choice and likes and preferences but if you describe Liam as someone who doesn’t have superior talent, my dude, my bro, my mate…. Carry on with the delusions, I guess. 

Liam’s voice is a treasure, Liam is one of the strongest yet one of the most underrated Baritones in music today. That has a lot to do with his branding whilst in 1D. Now, in no means am I an expert and I don’t claim to be one either, but it hardly takes rocket science to discern that One Direction’s sound was structured around everyone’s voices but Liam’s, or at best, the least around him. I once read a post and I wish I could find it so I’d link it here. It essentially points out how it is worth considering that we never got to listen to Liam hit the same notes as he did during his second audition at the X Factor. Hmm, wonder why….. 

There’s been a lot of fuckery involving the solo duration, with Liam’s verses regressing in duration, but that’s not all. Liam had less time on melodies and more on harmonies (specifically backing harmonies) and that’s probably another reason as to why if you listen to the songs clearly, Liam is doing a lot – in most of the songs – but you hardly ever register that because that’s exactly what the intent is: to render his backing harmonies as backing harmonies. There’s hardly any emphasis on his net contribution to every track. 

Then there’s this huge issue with the fandom and the songwriting and crediting all of the Lilo songs to Louis. I get that Liam himself acknowledges Louis as a very creative co-songwriter and I am not taking that away from our Tommo, never. But all these lines that the fandom cry and fond over and sing praises for? What if those were created by Liam and not Louis? This fandom is so repulsive, lmao. 

Coming back to 1D’s production, how often do you come across pop artists who sound better live than they do on edited polished pieces of recorded studio version? I hardly do. I personally believe Liam has that beautiful voice that no studio recorded version could do absolute justice to and yes, the real sparks of goosebumps prickle your skin fully when you listen to Liam live, yet there’s something deeply wrong if Liam hits all those brilliant notes by improvising on stage and yet hardly gets the chance to do it on the album. I think this is why I personally cherish Never Enough, it’s the closest we’ve come, really. 

3. The fandom and the various sects. There is no denying that there is abject inequality with the way the boys are treated within the fandom, by their so called fans, and this reflects in the way the media handles the boys, too.

I distinctly recall when a year back when I was just venturing into the fandom, I was hardly what you’d call a fan. I saw the BBMA video where Liam dedicates the award to Zayn, the comments were inundated on how Liam didn’t have to be “Extra” and the others went on and on about how all of 1D are so sweet, thanking Zayn and all. I posted a comment chiding the fans because, honestly, what even? NOT ALL BOYS, ONLY LIAM. Smh.

The sooner people stop this imbalance wherein they pounce on Liam for every slip up and credit all the boys for something wonderful that Liam independently is responsible for, the better, tbh. I love all 5, but no, some great things are all Liam’s doing and that needs to be highlighted, tbh.

There’s also probably something to do with how Liam is always expressing his happiness and concern so openly that gets the fans to react the way they do, I suppose? I don’t know how valid a reason this is with how people have been absolutely repugnant, but that’s also something, I guess.

Liam Payne is one of my most favourite people in the Universe and I know I hardly know him, but I think at the core of it, Liam’s true earnest self emanates in specks and flashes and if you’ve managed to capture that, you’d know Liam is a gem. 

P.S. This did end up in absolute verbiage, I am sorry…..

Not The End

For @happilyinlovewithharrystyles​, I hope you enjoy this, my lovely Megan!

“Goose, I’ll miss my flight if you don’t come down here and say goodbye!”

His voice echoed off the walls so I could hear him clear enough. I quickly pulled on his silk dressing gown and bounded down the stairs, leaping into his arms. It was always hard to watch him leave. It was hard for me when he flew off to a different country. I wanted him with me all the time but his career demanded things that he couldn’t talk his way out of.

“Don’t leave, please.” I whispered, kissing him warmly. The taste of his lips was something I savoured, even more now since he was going to away for a month. Just phone calls and Skype is all we had. Better than nothing, I know, but the thing was, I was carrying his child.

“I wish I could stay but I need to do this recording. Julian and Jeff have been pestering me for days, weeks actually.” Harry said, putting me back down on the floor. I sighed as he pressed his lips to my forehead.

“I’ll call you every day, alright? And you contact me the second you get out of the doctor’s appointment. I want to know how our little one is doing.” He laid his hand on my stomach. I was exactly 13 weeks along and I had a little bump protruding from in between my lips, and I also had the glow of a pregnant woman. Always smiling and happy because a small joy that the man I loved and me created was inside me. Each day, he or she was growing, getting stronger, turning into our little perfect child.

“I will, I promise.” I nodded. Harry leaned down and kissed me one last time before picking up his bags and leaving out the front door, flashing me his sweet dimpled smile. And so, I was alone again. With my child inside me. I looked down and rubbed my stomach, whispering softly to the baby that their father would be home soon.

Little did I know of the pain that was yet to come.

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(Translation) Cream Pie + Tokuten

Cream Pie ~大好きな彼と、素肌のままで最後まで~ [R18! Please proceed only if you’re above 18!]

CV. Furukawa Makoto

Get this cream from Amazon

T/N: another Furukawa CD…. and…that title…. *stares directly into the camera like the office*

Anyway, hello folks! I’m here with a new, creamy translation. Commissioned by a shy cutie who chose to not reveal their identity :> Thanks for the commission!

This post contains 2 parts, the main CD and 2 tokutens. To jump to the tokuten, press CTRL-F or COMMAND-F and type in “tokuten” and you’ll be brought directly to the delightful creamy sweetness :)

As always, parts that I’m unsure of are marked with a bracketed question mark. Enjoy!

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anonymous asked:

Did you hear about the OBC Anastasia boot getting publicly posted to youtube??? I feel like that might go over really badly with the master who filmed it, especially since the poster admitted to having bought it....I tried telling them they might want to take it down, but it seems like I'm the only one....

Yeah, I did and I’m really particularly sad about this leak.

Here’s the thing: the person who recorded the Anastasia OBC bootleg wasn’t going to release it. They recorded a video back in April or May and it wasn’t good quality so they decided not to release it. But @acomet-pulledfromorbit and I emailed the master for 2 months to try to convince them to release it, regardless of quality, because this bootleg is the only way for me to actually see my favourite show in any capacity. Not only was the master kind enough to release a bootleg, but they went back and recorded a better quality video.

The person who uploaded the video to Youtube bought it directly from them. So this person knew that there was a NFT date and that the master didn’t want the bootleg being posted on Youtube. He didn’t care. 

When Cate and I commented on the Youtube video, politely asking that he take it down because the master didn’t want it there, he still didn’t care. First he asked for proof that the bootleg was actually NFT. We provided it. He deleted that comment. We asked again and a few other people commented on the bootleg’s NFT status. He disabled comments instead.

So yeah. The master could have just released the original low quality video and made people buy that if they wanted to see it. They didn’t. They went back and recorded a better version because the two of us were literally begging to see it. So yeah, to see people disrespecting the NFT date and spreading it despite knowing the master’s wishes is really disheartening. But with this bootleg, its ten times worse because I know that this one wasn’t even planned and only came out because of how much Cate and I begged. 

And I wouldn’t blame the master if they never recorded another bootleg again because nobody is to blame here except for the people disrespecting their wishes.

Mini appreciation of Moff for one of the best episodes he’s written

Yes children, it’s time to praise Night of the Doctor for the 87th time.

I think out of all the Doctors, Paul Mcgann deserved a little more. Sure we have a mountain of EU content that could never happen on screen, because its either too dark or too complicated for New Who, but to the casual fans, Paul will always be the one Doctor who only had one episode that was very…. eh?

That was until 2013. I can’t remember how exciting the reveal was when Paul showed up on screen. When I heard about the Mini-episode, I just assumed it would be fluff for Matt, David or John. But I’m so thankful that I got to the video before it blew up. 

Originally posted by iandsharman

Paul Mcgann returned and just as sexy as he was in the TV Movie.

Now when I first heard about the War Doctor, I wondered “why not just bring back Paul Mcgann, he’s just as young and sexy as he was in the TV movie, it wouldn’t look as jarring as Tom, Peter, Colin or Sylvester(apologies to them, you’re not as young, but still sexy)”. Even the idea that a separate incarnation ended the time war seemed a bit out there since I read a few EDAs and the Forgotten and always assumed Eight would be the one to end it all. But as Paul would later state in an interview “it’s kinda a compromise”. Best compromise ever.

Originally posted by scriptscribbles

With just a few seconds we got Big Finish made canon. Now at the time I had only listened to Storm Warning and Blood of the Daleks since I found old radio recordings of them online, but this was exciting! It meant that the audio dramas that Paul was in were CANON. Admittedly, I wish we got a mention of Izzy and Fitz, but they were in the company of friends, so as far as i’m concerned, they and by extension, the EDAs and DWM comics are CANON as well.

I could go on about Night thematically, but I’m sure someone else on this site did it better. Just to sum it up, dying alone and broken was the perfect ending for the Eighth Man Bound. A life that should have been filled with happiness died with misery and despair. Not a single friend to be there for him, only the distant memories of friends long gone. 

Originally posted by scriptscribbles

And so Night of the Doctor is one of the best things Moffat gave us. Sure some could see it as the scraps being tossed towards a starving dog, but these scraps were more tasty than the main course. Big Finish was made canon and Paul got the regeneration he deserved. A great story made by an equally great storyteller

anonymous asked:

Hey there! I was wondering (since you seem well-versed in h/c sam fics) if you could recommend some good fics? Pretty much anything Sam-centric, lol. I trust your judgment.

This is the part where I wish I kept better records. I live and breathe hurt!Sam, but I don’t always save the fics I read. 

I absolutely stand behind all my fic recs, though, which you can find on my blog here! They’re pretty much always hurt!Sam (with some Sam appreciation mixed in there).

There are tons of places to find great hurt/comfort stuff, though, and it would be silly of me not to direct you to these places first, though you may already be following them.

Places to go:

Some author recs:

Choosing fics is hard, because a lot of authors have tons of great stuff and I can’t choose just one to rec. I can point you in the direction of talented authors, though! I can guarantee that their writing is going to be Sam appreciative and Sam centric. 

Note: Most of these authors post plenty of fics, ficlets, and episode tags to their Tumblrs that don’t get posted to AO3. Most of them post a mix of gen stuff and pairing stuff. I’m also definitely forgetting some great authors!

  • @themegalosaurus | (ao3) - Absolutely beautiful Sam-centric writing with a generous dose of brothers feels! (Make sure to check out her fantastic episode tags on Tumblr, too!) Be aware that some fic is Wincest or J2 RPF, with other pairings showing up occasionally.
  • @ameliacareful | (ao3) - Lovely hurt!Sam stuff and great portrayals of the characters.
  • @agelade | (ao3) - Stunning Sam-centric stuff. Generous hurt, beautiful writing, amazing focus on Sam.
  • @waterbird13 | (ao3) - Posts mostly on Tumblr and contributes so much lovely fic that is basically centered around Sam getting love and being happy.
  • @quickreaver | (ao3) - Lots of beautiful hurt!Sam fics, and quickreaver is also an insanely talented artist (if you’re looking for some visual hurt!Sam)! Can be slightly darker stuff. Some Winces and other pairings.
  • stillwaters01 on AO3 - Just in case you want very brothers-focused sweet agony and heartbreak with your H/C.
  • Let’s be real. Basically all the writers over at ohSam, too.

So much H/C you will die (in the best way).

No, really. I always indulge in thoughts of unrestrained H/C but I never seem to be able to write it. If relentless hurt (and delicious comfort) are your thing, these writers may make your day.

  • Marianna Morgan on FF.Net - Suuuuuper lovely and indulgent hurt!Sam and just really idealized happy brothers fic. If caring and protective!Dean is your thing, these are lovely!
  • skag trendy on FF.Net - I was trying to remember names from when I was prowling Fanfiction.Net, and I remember that this writer has just tons of hurt!Sam. You know those fics where the hurt doesn’t let up and it’s just this amazingly shameless pain-fest? Yes.
  • Alex L. Kerr on FF.Net - of the famed Trialculosis Sam fic, but there’s a lot to enjoy.

Mostly pairing stuff (I’ll list which ones!)

These writers are Sam fans who write some great stuff. Some of it is gen, some of it is explicit. If you prefer gen-fic, be aware. If you sometimes love your hurt with more intimate comfort, check these awesome people out!

  • @posingasme | (ao3)- Mostly Sastiel, mostly non-explicit. Beautiful and breathtaking and heartbreaking AUs that often have generous helpings of hurt!Sam and badass!Sam.
  • @rosworms | (ao3)- Sam/Benny and Sastiel and also Wincest + others. Sometimes explicit. Often heavy on the comfort. <3 Always lovely. Mostly posted on Tumblr but some can be found on the Archive, too!
  • @kansaskissedlips (no ao3) - Wincest and Sastiel and basically everything you could ever imagine + more. I’ll bet you didn’t know you needed hurt!Soulless!Sam. But you do. Often quite explicit fics and ficlets with some gen thrown in! 

And now onto the specific fics! My fic recs are below, as well as a list (with links) of fics people have recced to me! Cut for length, and also because I plan to add more as I think of them.

Feel free to submit me your recs (or self recs!), and I’ll credit you and add them to the list below!

Keep reading


Word count: 2730 

Character : Ong Seong Woo x Reader

I adjust the camera, so it captures a better angle of the person in front of it. I look up as the next person auditioning steps into the room. He gives me a courtesy smile and then turns to the director, producer and writer all sitting in a row, in front of him. I hurry to the side of the room after pressing record on the camera, and hold the script in my hands. He introduces himself and starts to act, with me playing the role opposite him.

I’ll admit, he is a good actor but nothing we haven’t seen all day. As he gets to the climax of the story, he actually kneels down in frustration and bangs his forehead against the chair. I mean, like really hard. There’s literally a trail of blood on the chair and a line on the side of his head. I hurriedly put down the script as everyone asks worriedly, if he’s okay. I grab some tissues for him and he nods his thanks.

The director and writer both express their awe of his acting skill and praises him for ‘staying in character’. The producer, looks down at her notes, then back up at the man, voicing out some concerns in his acting. He smiles politely and accepts her criticism but as he leaves the room, I see a flash of triumph in his eyes.

I raise my eyebrows and inwardly, give a sigh. Not those kind of people again. Those actors, who think that they are passionate about acting; they act well but overboard. I mean, theatre and drama are all about well,drama. But it’s also about what the suitable emotion is in that particular scene. Anyway. Who am I to talk, I don’t know anything,I’m just here part time.

“Is that all for today?” The director glances over his glasses. He flips through the forms on his clipboard.

“Great! Let’s get some food!” The writer plonks on the cap of her pen and stretches her fingers.

“I believe there’s another actor outside. He’s the last one for today.” The producer looks up from her phone and motions for me to call him in. I hear the director mumbling his annoyance and sighs,“Let’s just get this over with.”

I head outside the small room and see a familiar young man, dressed in a yellow sweater and jeans. He is tall, I notice as he stands. I take a glance at his face and my heart skips a beat. He’s from my Literature class! He sees my face but if he recognizes me, he doesn’t show it. I’ve seen him on campus but we’ve never really talked before. I wonder why he’s here. I mean, other than to audition, since I’ve never seen him act. I didn’t even know he could act.

I tell him that he can go inside and he smiles nervously at me, before nodding to himself. I walk inside and get the camera ready for another take as he enters the room. The director, producer and writer stops talking and looks at him expectantly. I press record and he starts to introduce himself as Ong Seong Woo,when the director cuts him off sharply, saying that he has all his profile here, just show them what he has.

I stifle a surge of irritation and look determinedly at my script. This is what always happens to the last person auditioning. I’ve gone to auditions, I know what it’s like to stand in front of the people who could make or break you. It’s intimidating enough without having them cut off your sentence and staring at you menacingly. I shoot a look of empathy at Seong Woo who looks awkward standing there, unsure of what to do next. The producer nods at him to continue.

“I’ll be playing the opposite role, so just start whenever you’re ready.” He nods at me, smiling nervously again. He lets out a deep breath and starts to act. I start to respond when the director, again, rudely cuts across him.

“Do you know method acting?” He asks, crossing arms on the table and squinting his eyes. Seong Woo nods nervously. He asks to go again.

This time, he starts to act, clearly more expressive than the first time. But this time, the writer stops him, saying that he doesn’t understand the emotion of the role here. Seong Woo looks like a deer caught in headlights and nods, swallowing. He requests to go one more time. The director nods impatiently,“Hurry up.”

“Do you think this is ok-” He starts, but again gets interrupted. The director starts complaining in frustration while Seong Woo just stands there, embarrassed. With a trembling voice, he asks to act for one last time.

He sighs and closes his eyes. Then he starts to slap himself across the face, repeatedly and I look at him worriedly. He repeats the line over and over again. The director finally seems to acknowledge he is in the room. The producer leans back in her seat and observes this young man in front of her.

“Food is here—” The door opens and a delivery guy walks in, unaware of the situation. Seong Woo stops in the middle of the line. I hurriedly pay for the food from the lunch allowance they give me for well, lunch and then apologise since it was my job to order the food and make sure it was delivered to reception. The director and writer, do not give a damn apparently, since they start laying out the food without commenting on Seong Woo’s fourth attempt.

I steal a glance at Seong Woo, feeling bad for him. No one should be treated like that. The producer seems displeased by all these rude interruptions and frowns. She turns to the director and writer with a stony stare and asks if they think it is professional to eat while they are still auditioning. The director starts to reply while stuffing his mouth with a dumpling.

Then, the unthinkable happens : Seong Woo walks up to the director and slaps his across the face, the dumpling falling out. I widen my eyes and stare at the scene unfolding in front of me. This cannot be real. As soon the realisation hits, his face is full of regret. The director reacts quickly and slaps his back across the face. He bows his head while listening to the director yell at him. The writer scoffs that young people these days don’t know how to control their temper.

“I think it’s best that we leave this for today.” The producer speaks up. “We will contact you via text message if you have gotten a role. Also, I would like a word with you after.” Seong Woo, now speechless, nods numbly and bows deeply before leaving the room. I stop the recording and pretend I’m not eavesdropping on their conversation, which is really hard since the director is talking at full volume. I’m pretty sure Seong Woo can hear him outside too.

“What kind of bastard does he think he is?” The director fumes, slamming his glasses down.

“I told you, the last ones are always hot tempered, just because they think they’re all that.” The writer says. I roll my eyes at that. What kind of stupid logic is that?

“It would, of course, help if everyone was paying attention to his acting.” The producer clears her throats and says evenly. “What he did did not help his case but I’m certain, it was because he felt that he was perhaps,ignored for Chinese food.” The producer raises her eyebrows.

“Everyone should be treated the same, especially at auditions not because they are your nephews or some other special connection.” The director reddens and fumes up.

“I wouldn’t like to think your niece-” He pauses meaningfully to look at me. I stare back at him. “Came to this part time job with your help.”

“As a matter of fact,no.” The producer answers readily. “She came into the company completely on her own records and I only found out, as you very well know, yesterday. If you’d like to voice your opinion on that subject, why don’t we discuss the new IT guy?”

The director is completely speechless and I hide a smug smile. Hah. Gotcha. He clears his throats uneasily and laughs. “Why don’t we take an early night today?”

“Okay, so just look at me and try not to look into the camera since it’s an interview. ” I say, flipping through my notepad and glancing up at Seong Woo. He nods, smiling at me. I press the record button and start to ask questions about him. Why he started doing this. Has he always been interested in acting.

He starts answering me, occasionally stopping to think. I notice how he purses his lips when he concentrates and when he’s unsure about how to answer.

“What makes you so sure you fit this role?” I ask,zooming in on his face slightly.

He gives a small laugh. It sounds sad. “Well, I hope I can fit this role, because I think I have a few similarities with the main character, we’re both people who have lost something, betrayed by someone and I think I can connect to that emotion.”

The last question :“What makes you a better actor?” He pauses, his easy demeanour seems to vanish.

“I’m not a very good actor, as you would’ve seen in the audition, just now. Sometimes, I wish, I just wish that…I could be as into something as someone else. Everywhere I look, there are better actors than me, people who love acting way more than me and…sometimes,it’s easy to get discouraged but I guess,I just have to try harder.” To my astonishment, his eyes are red and tears are rolling down his cheek. I stop recording and hand him tissues.

“I’m sorry.” I say quietly. He looks up, embarrassed.

“About what?”

I open my mouth but no words come out. How do I tell him what I’m sorry for? That he seems like a decent person and I’m sorry he had to go through this shit audition? Why am I even feeling bad for him? I’ve never felt bad for others who came to audition before and were treated worse than this.

“Nothing. Nevermind.” I shake my head. He smiles, confused but nods anyway.

We both stand and I thank him for his time and he says no problem.

“Um,” Seong Woo pauses. He looks around. “Well, thanks I’ll be off now.” I nod at him while folding the camera stand. I hear him walk away but a minute later, he turns back and taps me on my shoulder.

“I’ve seen you on campus, right?” He asks.

“Oh, uh, yeah. We have literature together.” Wow, so he knows.

“Oh, okay, ‘cause I thought I’d seen you somewhere before.” He chuckles softly. “Well, thanks for everything today.” He grins and my heart skips a beat again. I stare at his retreating back and shake my head.

I’ve been working too hard.


“What are you gonna get?” My closest friend, Eun Ho nudges me while eyeing up the menu. “The ribs look soo good. But I’m really craving for spicy food.” I smile at her indecisiveness. I point to the menu board and tell her to just choose one.

“It’s not like your life depends on it, okay?” I laugh. She rolls her eyes and flicks her hair back. We get our food and find a seat by the window. She starts telling me about her class this morning and I’m in the middle of laughing at her imitation of a professor. A tap on my shoulder nearly makes me choke on my food. I cough violently and take a big gulp of water. I turn and find myself face to face with the offender: Ong Seong Woo.

“Hi, um, sorry about that” He smiles awkwardly.

“Hey.” I flush and swallow.

“I just wanted to tell you-“ He holds up his phone, his voice unable to mask his excitement. “I got the part!”

“Wow-”I smile, genuinely happy for him. “That’s great!”

There’s an awkward pause between us when no one says anything.

“Well, I should let you get back to your lunch!” He says, gesturing to my food. He glances back at me and walks out of the cafeteria hurriedly. I turn back in my seat and see Eun Ho looking at me with eyes as wide as saucers. I avoid her look and focus on eating.


“Um, how about who, what and how-?” She asks, her chopsticks set down. I shrug and tell her everything that happened during work.

“ARE YOU SERIO-“I kick her in the shins. “-uss?” I nod in answer to her question.

“Was he any good at it?”

“He got the part, I would think he did okay.” I deadpan.

“But he slamnmff-“ I reach across the table and cover her mouth.

“Shut up.” I raise my eyebrows. She takes the hint.

“Alright, alright.” She backs off contritely. “Bet you thought he was cute.” I roll my eyes and shove a spoonful of food into my mouth, to show that I disagree with her.

I flashback to when he smiled and my heart skips yet another beat. I really should exercise more often.


The funny thing is, after that day, I keep running into him on campus grounds. I see him in class, in the library and in the cafeteria. We make some small talk but the weird thing was, I keep feeling nervous when I talk to him. I involuntarily break into a smile at the thought of him. I flush easily when he says something to make me laugh.

But I like it, this kind of feeling. Although I’m not quite sure what this emotion is.


I turn around and see Seong Woo running up to me.

“Are you free right now?” He asks, slightly out of breath.

“Yeah, why?” I ask.

He holds up his script and sort of waves it in the air. “Would you mind helping me with my lines?” He grins.

Aw, his smile is so cute.

“Sure, where should we rehearse?” I ask, any thought of an afternoon nap long gone. We head to the Garden, where there’s a lovely small rose cove sort of section. There are a few empty benches and a few students are walking along the garden path, which is artistically paved like it was made for a Shakespeare movie. We find a bench that’s a bit more tucked away from other people and sit down.

“You’re getting really good at this!” I say, after we’ve finished going over the lines. He smiles, scratching the back of his neck.

“I hope so. I don’t think the director has warmed up to me just yet.” At the mention of the director, I burst into laughter.

“I still can’t believe you did that.” I take a sip of water and shake my head, smiling.

“You know, there are many things that I would do. You just don’t know it yet.” He wiggles his eyebrows comically. I scoff and laugh.

“It’s such a pity you want to be an actor; you’re much more suited to be a comedian.” I joke. He tilts his head and considers this.

“I do like making people laugh but it’s the actors who earn the big bucks.” He makes a money gesture at the end.

“You are such a surprise, you know?” I look at him. “Totally not the guy who I thought you were.”

“Have you been thinking about me?” He asks suddenly, leaning close to me. My face heats up and I start stuttering.

“Ju-Just you know, not what I expected.” I swallow. “Oh, look, a bird.” I add lamely, trying to change the subject. He calls my name softly and I turn, my face coming close to his. He slowly reaches up and removes a leaf from my hair. He smiles and my stomach does a nervous flip.

“I’ve been meaning to ask, would you like to go on a date with me this Friday?”

“’ea,” My voice comes out like a squeak. “I mean, sure, yeah.”


Alright, alright, I’ll admit : I was smitten from the moment I first saw him.


[Author’s Note: This is something I’ve written in two days. It’s not much. But my writer’s block, schoolwork and other stuff have been preventing me from writing anything for the last year and a half. I hope you guys can give me some feedback since this is the first time in almost two years since I’ve written anything like this, so I am SUPER rusty and would love to know how to improve. This story is based on Seong Woo’s vlive short film and I recently just got into Wanna One and well, I thought this might be fun. I hope you guys like it and send me some feedback y’all!]

In @fishingboatproceeds’s new book, Turtles All the Way Down, the narrator experiences things she calls thought spirals, where as the phrase suggests, your thoughts consume you and spin towards an infinite spiral, coiling so tight until it possesses your entire conscience in that moment.

This past month has been incredibly hard for me. A few years ago, my therapist recommended journaling, doodling, or coloring as a way to cope with my panic and anxiety in a healthy manner. During the past few days, I’ve pulled out this piece whenever I felt like a thought spiral was on the verge of forming.

My thoughts as of lately have been a lot like this:

If I fail this assignment I won’t get a good grade in the course.
Then I will have a lower gpa.
Then I won’t get into graduate school.
Then I’ll have to endure more emotional abuse from my family.
Then I’ll have to deal with the fact that I’m a failure.
Then the sacrifices my parents made to get me here were made in vain.
Then what kind of person am I?
Why do I deserve these privileges when there are others more worthy?

Am I studying enough?

Am I trying hard enough?

Am I enough?

So each spiral in this drawing was a time I felt like things were beyond my control or I couldn’t handle or process my emotions or thoughts or when I became fixated on all the overwhelming negative possibilities or consequences that could happen.

I wish I could say I’m getting better but just because our brains and neuronal networks exhibit immense plasticity, doesn’t mean it will happen when you need it.

And even though evolution can occur over time, adaptive changes within a species don’t occur because these organisms have a stronger will to live.

But I still wake up each morning, surrounded by people who care. And I think for now, waking up each morning to see another day should be enough.