i wish i could disappear

Understanding a Shame Based Identity

Shame is the deeply held belief that, at core, there is something wrong with me. So, no matter what I do, or how hard I try, I’ll never measure up and be good enough. Thus, I expect other people to reject me in the end, and deep down inside I reject myself.

If I have a shame based identity, I am likely to battle with the following feelings:

- Feeling like a fraud

- Feeling like I have to cover up all the time

- Fear of being exposed for who and what I truly am

- Feeling powerless

- Feeling as if I don’t have, or deserve, a voice

- Wishing I could just disappear

- Feeling vulnerable

- Feeling very needy – and perhaps too needy, compared to other people

- Feeling like I always disappoint myself and others.

The “shame bound” person is constantly struggling against these persistent and negative feelings. They are triggered easily, and by innocuous triggers, such as being overlooked or contradicted by a friend. This can then result in a powerful “shame attack” that is so intense that we’re completely paralysed, and overwhelmed, by a sense of worthlessness. These feelings can persist for days, for weeks or even months.

His || Jungkook || 0.8

Member: Jungkook x Reader

Type: Angst, Fluff, Smut.

Teaser | 0.1 | 0.2 | 0.3 | 0.4 | 0.5 | 0.6 | 0.7 | 0.8

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“I did not want to think about people. I wanted the trees, the scents and colors, the shifting shadows of the wood, which spoke language I understood. I wished I could simply disappear in it, live like a bird or a fox through the winter, and leave the things I had glimpsed to resolve themselves without me.”
― Patricia A. McKillip

Hiking along the Historic Columbia River Highway, Oregon

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Sometimes I feel inhuman, cold hearted, detached from this world I live in. Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and discover in horror of who I’ve become. Sometimes I wish these feeling could just disappear. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever find myself again. Just sometimes.
—  r.c.r.
THE SUPER MASTERLIST

BUCKY BARNES

Originally posted by simplytanvi

Winter’s Witch {WORK IN PROGRESS} || Bucky Barnes had just escaped his captors, Hydra. He didn’t know where to go, or what to do. Somehow, he manages to stumble into a girl’s apartment who he’s met before. The twist is- she’s not your average girl.
 Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9  Part 10 Part 11

Of Course, Doll || The Avengers throw a little kick back in their facility- nothing too crazy, after a successful mission in taking down some Hydra agents. You’re still a new member to the avengers team, and have a similar skill set to Natasha, except your past is a little more gruesome to hers. The Avengers trust you, however some are still wary around you.

We’ve Got All Night || The Avengers throw a little kick back in their facility- nothing too crazy, after a successful mission in taking down some Hydra agents. You’re still a new member to the avengers team, and have a similar skill set to Natasha, except your past is a little more gruesome to hers. The Avengers trust you, however some are still wary around you.

I Thought I Lost You || Bucky and (Y/N) had been in a relationship for a long time now. They were both stupid and reckless, which is why Fury had made a bad decision sending the two lovers on a mission together.

Manners Maketh Man || Walking home at 1am wasn’t a smart move on your part, you should have known it would have eventually gotten you into trouble. Thank the heavens you had a protector who had been watching from a distance.

Don’t You Mind? || He never meant for it to happen, it kept him up at night. Bucky Barnes wanted to be with (Y/N) so badly, but the Winter Soldier had other ideas. || Best read with this song

Round Two || Getting captured and injected with the same super serum as Bucky Barnes was never something you had planned for. When Bucky finally gets you back, it’s high time you blow off some steam.

Are You Okay? || Yeah, so a bullet or a sharp blade could probably kill you. But what about self doubt? No one ever teaches you how to not let insecurities kill you on the inside.

Post Break-Up Sex || Break ups can lead to many things. For some, it calls for the best rom com and a bowl of ice cream to drown yourself in your own feelings. For others, it can mean shutting yourself down for a while, taking time for some well needed self care. For (Y/N), it meant going off the rails just a little. || Best read with this song

Yellow || Bucky wasn’t the same kid from Brooklyn like back in the 40′s, but he also wasn’t the soviet master assassin; The Winter Soldier, no. He was somewhere in between. You are the bright yellow in his life that always brings him back down to earth. (Artist!Reader AU)

Begin Again || Bucky Barnes did it- he got clean, and is now trying to make up for the horrors he’s caused by working for Shield alongside the Avengers. When he gets sent on a solo mission to bring in (Y/N); an ex avenger who’s gone rogue, someone particularly special from his past, things get heated.

Somewhere I Belong || Sometimes all the pain and the bullshit going on in your life is just one big shitty hurdle you have to pass to get to the bigger picture, to get to the light at the end of the tunnel. Bucky was (Y/N)’s light.


PIETRO MAXIMOFF

Originally posted by imagine-that-marvel

Life Of The Party || Being the youngest avenger did have it’s perks. Saving the world was your job man! What could get better then that? Maybe a steamy drunken make out session on top of the Avengers tower with none other than Pietro Maximoff?


KURT WAGNER

Originally posted by onorasdrivein

The Bamfs || When your boyfriend gets dragged away in the middle of the night on a dangerous mission against his own father, causing him to miss your three year anniversary, he makes sure he comes back with a present. Or in this case, lots and lots of little, annoying, blue, presents. You always did say you wanted a pet, right?

Sparring || You and Kurt have a cheeky sort of friendship. Watch as your ‘friendship’ gets a little well… complicated, all because of one little sparring session.

Outcast At Last || Dating a mutant proves to be difficult with anti-mutant parents. Fortunately, you learn an important lesson that they do not define who you are, I suppose being an outcast isn’t such a bad thing in the end. || Best read with this song


SIRIUS BLACK

Originally posted by your-harry-potter-imagines

Innocence {COMPLETED} || Sirius Black gets charged with the murder of his best friends. He’s denied a fair trial, and gets thrown into Azkaban. You know for certain he’s innocent, so you take matters into your own hands.
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

Double Trouble {WORK IN PROGRESS} || They met each other while they were in school by a happy coincidence. Little do they know, death, pain and destruction is on the way for the two Gryffindor lovers.
Part 1

One Too Many || On a night out with the Marauders, James bets Sirius can’t down more than seven shots of Beetle Berry Whiskey. Sirius, never backing down from a challenge, accepts, and the effects are near catastrophic for the reader.

Strip || You agree to help Sirius study for his OWL’s, however what you failed to realise that tutoring the marauder was like babysitting. After various failed attempts, you finally find a way to keep Sirius somewhat focused and, interested.

Somebody To Love || “I did that annoying thing where i put loads of smaller boxes inside one big box and you’re getting really mad but you don’t know that the ring is in the smallest box and i can’t wait to see your face.”

Liquorlip Loaded Gun || “I wish I could disappear, So you would never see me in this mess I get in. However hard I try, keep on stumbling still. Once in a while I’ll show you who I am. When I can I’ll, Open up the oceans, jump on in.”

Do I Wanna Know? || Reader works as a barista in a busy cafe, right in the heart of London, completely oblivious that there are such things as Wizards, magic, and most of all; a deadly war waging on within the magical community. Reader is blissfully ignorant to the wizarding world, just as any muggle should- that is until Sirius Black shows up in her life.


DRABBLES/OTHER

Roommates - Derek Hale imagine

Room mates

Requested by @julieanncupcake

imagine with Derek and y/n liking each other but they don’t know it.

I’m sorry it’s quite a short one but if you enjoyed it I’ll do a part 2.

Warnings: Angry Derek but other than that not really just lots of fluff and cuteness

Note: I’m really new to this so sorry if it’s not how you wanted it, I tried 💕


Y/N POV “Good morning” I sing while running down the stairs of mine and my roommates small apartment, running late as usual for my job at a cafe.

Originally posted by teenwolf--imagines

“Morning” Derek smiles back with his usual cheerful laugh, his forest green eyes glistening in the morning sunshine, I notice today his stubble is more noticeable Derek always look sexier with a beard “breakfast?!” Derek snaps me out of my thoughts, was I staring? “N-no thank you I’m kinda running late I’ve got 10 minutes till my shift starts” he nods and his face drops “thank you for the offer though I would have if my boss wasn’t such a jerk” I apologised, he looked up at me causing butterflies in my stomach to erupt ‘how could a human being look so much like a angel he was beautiful’

“oh is she one of those really strict bosses” he inquired suspiciously “yes, well no he’s a he but he’s very strict” I replied. “I’ll drop you off” he urges after a few thoughtful seconds, did he pity me, no he’s just that kind, I’d met a few of his friends Stiles, the skinny, pale and sarcastic one. Scott the sweet tall mature one and Malia the beautiful, funny and weird one. At first I was jealous of Malia when Derek had introduced me to her although I don’t have any right to be jealous as me and Derek are only roommates but I was glad when he mentioned she’s his cousin. I remembered how stiles always called Derek a sour wolf, I never understood why he said that I’ve only ever seen Derek cheerful and kind.

“Are you sure I don’t mind catching the bus” I asked, although I enjoyed every second I spent with Derek and prayed for longer moments with him “of course, I’m free all day today” he protested with a shy smile, collecting his car keys and leather jacket while opening the door open for me “ladies first”

Originally posted by iminlovewithderekhale

he grins with that heart aching smile that made me explode inside. I walk out mouthing a “thank you” as he smiled back, I liked Derek a lot! But I never had the guts to ever mention my feelings towards him, Derek was a straight 10 and I was a 3 on a good day and I didn’t want to ruin our friendship.

“Is it okay if I park here? Is it close enough”

“ yes! Thank you soo much Derek I’ll see you after work” I quickly rush out looking at the time on my wrist “3 minutes late oh no” I mutter to myself running into the cafe.

Derek’s POV “Yes! Thank you so much Derek, I’ll see you after work” And her beautiful face is gone, I gulp at her sudden disappearance wishing I could spend more time with her, I knew she liked me, every time she saw me her heart beat raced like a sports car, her chemosignals would go crazy with nervousness when I got too close or accidentally made any physical contact with her, but she was so pure and innocent, naïve and kind I couldn’t bring myself to admit my feelings for her and risk her being dragged into the supernatural business and getting hurt. As I’m about to drive off I glance over where she was sat and notice her iPhone on the seat. I smile at y/n’s clumsiness always forgetting and dropping things, without thinking I grab her phone and run into the small cafe across the street.

I look around the crowded cafe unable to find Y/N, I use my wolf senses and at first only smell the strong coffee until I come across Y/Ns scent also picking up her chemo-signals, she’s scared and hurt, anger and frustration overcomes me as I barge past the groups of people trying too find her, until I come across her standing their crying, she doesn’t notice me standing there and neither does the male in front of her, his face red with anger

“I-I-I’m so sorry Johnny it won’t h-happen again” she sniffled, I feel a pain in my heart at Y/Ns sight so hopeless and scared, as I’m about to walk up to Y/N the man grabs her hand and pushes her, before whatever vile words he was about to say I grab him by his collar and push him against the wall


“if you ever, EVER TOUCH HER AGAIN I WILL RIP YOUR THROAT OUT WITH MY TEETH” “Oh my g- Derek Derek stop it’s okay” Y/N quickly comes by my side and tries to calm me down “DONT YOU DARE EVEN LOOK AT MY GIRLFRIEND” I warn him and see the terror in his eyes knowing I’ve done my job “Derek?” Y/N whimpers and puts a hand gently on my shoulder, I look at her and see her eyes full of tears “let’s go please?” I nod gently and releases the terrified man from under my grip and straighten his shirt out as a warning gesture before leaving holding Y/Ns hand.

When we get to the car she’s silent but I can tell she’s still hurt.


Y/Ns POV When we reach the car I’m lost in my thoughts replaying Derek’s words again and again in my mind 'girlfriend’? Did he really call me his girlfriend or was that just something he said in the heat of the moment…

“can I see your hand?” Derek softly asks before reaching his hand out, I nod and he continues to check my hand “did he hurt you? I’m sorry that’s a stupid question of course he did. Where did he hurt you?” Derek mumbles trying to calm himself yet the anger still in his voice. “ honestly I’m okay it was just a little pu” “Is this his first time? has he done this before? Has he ever tried to touch you in any other way?” He cuts me off before I can finish my sentence, judging by his facial expression I can tell he’s uncomfortable at the thought I don’t say anything and he slams his hands against the steering wheel causing me to flinch at the impact it had which caused the whole car to vibrate,

“ I should go back there and.. and kill him!” Derek growled, id never seen this side of Derek and it was making me scared I shift in my seat and Derek notices as the anger in his face softens to guilt “I-I’m sorry Y/N that you had to see this side of me it’s just that I care about you a lot and I feel protective over you and when I saw that idiot hurting you I didn’t think I just” he pauses thinking what to say “that’s okay Derek I understand you feel protective over me.. I know in only the friend sort of way…” I start to fidget with my hands looking away from Derek as I try to hold back my tears, my emotions getting the best of me. “Hey hey hey no don’t cry, please?” He cups my face and faces me towards him, the feeling of him touching me making me feel worse as a reminder that he’ll never be mine making me sob even more and suddenly Derek’s lips are attached to mine catching me off guard shocked at his sudden action I freeze not knowing what to do but my lips automatically started to kiss back with the same rhythm as Derek’s lips, I feel his tongue try to gain access and give him the entrance he was requesting.


seconds later he pulls away his hands still attached to my face and puts his forehead against mine and whispers “I’ve been wanting to do that for a very long time Y/N” I look up into his eyes and see no hesitance in his eyes at is words “you have?” I gasped and he smiles nodding back at my reaction, I pull away from him and playfully slap his arm “then why didn’t you do it sooner I’ve been waiting for YOU to do that for a very long time too” I laughed, “now, do you want to go get some breakfast?” Derek asks nervously, “ are you asking me out Mr. Hale?” I joke “well yes I am Miss. Y/L/N” he mimicks back and smiles at me and in this second I couldn’t wish for anything more “I would love too” I smile back at him and he starts to drive with a grin as wide as a highway plastered on his face.

—more touken headcanons 💍

here’s some touken headcanons to help you quench the otp thirst, inspired by ch130 (ノ´ヮ`)ノ*: ・゚


—I.

it’s still hard for Touka&Kaneki to find moments to spend together, alone, without goat members disrupting them, Tsukiyama dragging Kaneki to discuss mission strategies or Nishiki giving Touka a weird&suspicious glance (—the “i know your secret” type of glances—) from the distance that drives her insane. Sometimes they just have to briefly hold hands under a wooden table in the middle of a meeting, or sweetly brush each other’s bangs with their fingertips—instead of a goodbye kiss—before taking different paths, both ready to keep working, Touka catching Kaneki’s last stare to her as he disappears through the door, a “i wish i could stay with you longer” type of stare. But Touka is quite an optimist, and she doesn’t give up so easily. Whenever she sees Kaneki brewing coffee by himself, she silently walks towards him to wrap her arms around his waist from behind, resting her chin against his shoulder. It’s something her mother&father used to do, she recalls; the memory of her mother sweetly wrapping her arms around her father while making coffee in the kitchen was something she always looked at in wonder. They wouldn’t say anything, a silence louder than words, and holding each other was more than enough for the both of them.

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i wish i could disappear for a month and go somewhere relaxing and beautiful with a lot of trees where i would just be able to meditate everyday

I did not want to think about people. I wanted the trees, the scents and colours, the shifting shadows of the wood, which spoke a language I understood. I wished I could simply disappear in it, live like a bird or a fox through the winter, and leave the things I had glimpsed to resolve themselves without me.
—  Patricia A. McKillip