i wish i could disappear

Understanding a Shame Based Identity

Shame is the deeply held belief that, at core, there is something wrong with me. So, no matter what I do, or how hard I try, I’ll never measure up and be good enough. Thus, I expect other people to reject me in the end, and deep down inside I reject myself.

If I have a shame based identity, I am likely to battle with the following feelings:

- Feeling like a fraud

- Feeling like I have to cover up all the time

- Fear of being exposed for who and what I truly am

- Feeling powerless

- Feeling as if I don’t have, or deserve, a voice

- Wishing I could just disappear

- Feeling vulnerable

- Feeling very needy – and perhaps too needy, compared to other people

- Feeling like I always disappoint myself and others.

The “shame bound” person is constantly struggling against these persistent and negative feelings. They are triggered easily, and by innocuous triggers, such as being overlooked or contradicted by a friend. This can then result in a powerful “shame attack” that is so intense that we’re completely paralysed, and overwhelmed, by a sense of worthlessness. These feelings can persist for days, for weeks or even months.

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“I did not want to think about people. I wanted the trees, the scents and colors, the shifting shadows of the wood, which spoke language I understood. I wished I could simply disappear in it, live like a bird or a fox through the winter, and leave the things I had glimpsed to resolve themselves without me.”
― Patricia A. McKillip

Hiking along the Historic Columbia River Highway, Oregon

I did not want to think about people. I wanted the trees, the scents and colours, the shifting shadows of the wood, which spoke a language I understood. I wished I could simply disappear in it, live like a bird or a fox through the winter, and leave the things I had glimpsed to resolve themselves without me.
I did not want to think about people. I wanted the trees, the scents and colours, the shifting shadows of the wood, which spoke a language I understood. I wished I could simply disappear in it, live like a bird or a fox through the winter, and leave the things I had glimpsed to resolve themselves without me.
—  Patricia A. McKillip
The bidders with their children

a/n: Happy Father’s Day! I wanted to do something special this year lmao. Thanks for sticking with me this long, guys  (✿◠‿◠) It really means a lot me! Forgive me for the crap drawings with a ton of erasures and shitty cam quality   ಥ_ಥ

Again, I took the liberty of naming the kids. I know nothing about the Japanese naming system, so I just picked whatever sounded nice to me  ┐(‘~`;)┌

Dedicated to @themysticaldaydreamer @tsundere-eevee @otomejesus @otomeden @tresspadesmaids @elletxt @voltageandheadcanons  for being such great friends  (~ ̄▽ ̄)~


Eisuke:

Naoko: Dad, you said it would be sunny out today.

Eisuke: I can control a lot of things, just not the weather.

Kazuma: Mom would love to hear this…

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i hate how writing both makes me incredibly happy and is the cause for most of my self-loathing. i hate the fact that i’m never as comfortable with myself as when i write something i’m really proud of, that i choose writing as my coping mechanism for the problems in my life, but i also desperately need others’ validation of it. i hate that i feel worthless and stupid when people dont immediately flock to praise my writing (as if i didnt know that i dont deserve it). i hate that it makes me not want to write or share it with others, despite the fact that it brightens up my day. i just. i hate that art is something so subjective that my opinion of myself varies so drastically and i never feel satisfied.

Some Random RP Starters
  • " Can I help you? "
  • " What are you...? "
  • " HELP! SOMEONE! "
  • " What is that? "
  • " You're not thinking of eating that entire thing, right? "
  • " I've heard a lot about you. "
  • " Is anyone in here? "
  • " What the hell do you think you're doing? "
  • " Sometimes I wish I could just disappear. "
  • " It's going to be okay. I'm not letting you die. "
  • " I feel so alone. "
  • " I'm a freak. "
  • " You're a freak. "
  • " Is there any way you'll ever forgive me? "
  • " Oh my god, I'm your biggest fan! "
  • " Is it really you? "
  • " Am I dead? "
  • " Where am I? Who are you? What's going on? "
  • " I'm stuck! "
  • " Is that your dog? "
  • " I'm not sure what to think about this. "
  • " I don't want to be here anymore. "
  • " No one understands me. "
  • " It's not a phase, mom. "
  • " What did you just say about me?! "
  • " Are you really them? "
  • " I don't love you. "
  • " I care about you, you know. "
  • " Why do you do this to yourself? "
Sometimes I feel inhuman, cold hearted, detached from this world I live in. Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and discover in horror of who I’ve become. Sometimes I wish these feeling could just disappear. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever find myself again. Just sometimes.
—  r.c.r.

I’m so glad it’s Friday! I’m exhausted and stressed out because of work, I bet I could sleep all weekend. I really wish we could just disappear and just enjoy each other.

#hisgoodgirl #missingyou

baaaphomet replied to your post “You all probably know that I’m a big true crime podcast listener and I…”

Could you recommend some true crime podcasts you do like? I’d love to check some out and I don’t know where to start.

Absolutely! My personal favorites are:

My Favorite Murder

The Generation Why Podcast

Real Crime Profile (certain episodes, I recommend their Oscar Pistorius series it’s really well done)

Criminal

The Trail Went Cold (start with newer episodes if poor sound quality annoys you)

Unsolved Podcast

Thin Air

Once Upon a Crime

Unsolved Murders

All Killa No Filla

Thinking Sideways

There was one that only had about 12 episodes but every episode was the host interviewing a murderer from prison and it was so good but it seems to have disappeared and I wish I could find it. There also a bun I want to listen to but haven’t had the chance to try out yet.

You know you’re jaded as fuck on Steven Universe when the announcement of a possible new character doesn’t make you excited anymore.